This is the Truth Network. Welcome to Hope in the Morning. turning tragedies and tears into testimonies of hope. Today's episode is all about navigating grief with kids. And my guest today is no stranger to sorrow.
Not only has she walked through cancer twice with her mom, but at the young age of 14, her little sister died in a swimming accident. And yet in the years following, she and her brother Joshua and her parents, Jill and Brandon, they clung tightly to each other, but they pointed each other to the hope that they had in Christ, which at the end of the day, that's the only hope that we have when our hearts are grieving.
So, Abby, thank you so much for joining us today on Hope in the Morning.
Well, thank you for having me. I wanted to start off by asking you if you would share with us just about Izzy, what you loved about her, what were some special memories you had of her. Like, what do you think of when you think of Izzy? A complete goofball. Yeah, she and me would.
We were, she was my companion. We did everything together, like literally everything. Like, you hear sisters, and you're like, oh man, my sister's law. My sister was my best friend.
So Um Just seeing her goof off with me being so artistic and Every single way and Um But yeah, and we did everything together. Whether that's annoying our brother or running out to go get groceries or playing around in Target or whatever, we did every single thing together. Yeah. And she was, she was very artistic. Can you say some of the different ways that she was artistic?
She did everything. She would bake macarons, like full, like professional macarons. It was intense. And she painted and Um play piano. Um Like it was annoying how good she was at everything.
At only 14 years old, too. It was pretty incredible. I think your mom has shared with me she wanted to go to the Art Institute, right? Is that where she wanted to go to college? She wanted to go to Savannah College of Art and Design.
Just that out in Georgia.
Okay. And what's the age difference between you and your sister? Three years. Three years. Okay.
And then what's the age difference between you and your brother, Joshua? He's two years older than me.
Okay. Obviously, you and your sister had this incredible bond that I think, as parents, like we all hope our kids have that kind of bond. Yeah. And You know, you, you guys, I know that your mom had called you guys the three musketeers. Yeah, I just think that's such a testament to the bond that you guys had.
So when your sister had that accident, How did you deal with that? Like, how did you deal with the day of? Let's start there. The day of. Just.
We at this We spent that day of in prayer. We just prayed and prayed and sang hymns and Just had like our church really came together and just held us and. That was by God's grace, that was pretty cool to watch and to be a part of. Um Yeah, and we just the day of was just spent in the word, in prayer. Definitely tears, of course, but.
Had your parents already set that up as like a pattern within your family to pray and sing hymns and be together in that way? Yes, and like we did, we were in the word and saying a lot as a family on a nightly basis. But like it was never in that depth that like Um Like We truly meant every word we said and like really worshiped God in that moment harder than we ever have. I think that that is really telling of kind of who you guys were as a family and your faith in the Lord leading into the loss of Izzy. I don't think that that's like our natural response to grief.
I mean, so was that something that your parents just kind of? Immediately, we're like, okay, guys, we're gonna, we're gonna pray, we're gonna sing, like. what did that look like and how did that how did that bring comfort to you in that moment It Just seeing, like, because it wasn't just my family that helped, like, initiate that. It was all the church people that came and gathered us. There'd be times where I wouldn't sing along just because I couldn't, and just hearing them sing.
And praise God in such a terrible moment with such a gift, such a like, oh my gosh, God is really real. This is a real event that happened, and he's still present even in the bad times. And it was just comforting to know that he was there with us. When you had moments like which undoubtedly you did, I mean, it was your best friend, your sister, and your best friend.
So it's like, it's almost like a double loss. Yeah, really. And so, I mean, In the weeks and the months that followed, because you know, I mean, we know that. Grief has all kinds of different emotions. And even for those of us that are believers, it doesn't make the pain of that kind of loss less and And Izzy, I mean, I have not even, I never got to meet Izzy, but just in meeting your parents and talking to your mom, especially.
There's just, there's no denying what a special person she was. And How did you navigate some of those other feelings? Whether it was like feeling like, why, God, why did my sister have to die? Or I don't know if you ever struggled with any feelings of anger or just any feelings that you felt. Were you about 17 years old when she was in?
I was 17, yes, ma'am.
Okay. Yeah. I definitely I dealt I definitely dealt with anger a lot. Ang anger, being anxious all the time and um Mainly angry. I was just angry all the time.
What I did was, I walked, I biked, I spent so much time with my horse. Like, I kept busy. And I not only just walked by myself, but I walked with my mom, I walked with my whole family, and it just. It helped so much to just keep moving and not Don't like push away your family. Like, don't do that, but be with them because.
You need them and they need you and being with them really helped. Did your parents kind of give you a safe landing place for your anger? Oh, yeah. They're always there to listen. Always there.
Even though they were grieving themselves, they never shut us out. Mm-hmm. That was really nice. You have very special parents. I mean, you have parents that really love the Lord, but it's so evident how much they love the three of you.
And For those that are listening right now, both of your parents actually recorded two different episodes for us because we did a two-part series. Because, as we mentioned in the intro, not only have you walked through the loss of your sister, but your mom has gotten cancer twice. Once when Izzy was still here, when she was little, and then once like a year, right? After a year after. Yeah.
And also, for our listeners, just to have some context, it's not been that long since Izzy died. Can you tell us how long it has been? It'll be four years in June.
Okay. So really not that long. That's something that I think is important for our listeners to understand, too. That whether you're an adult or a child, when you navigate loss. Really?
I don't know why people seem to think that like year one is the hardest. It's not always the hardest. There's different seasons of hard. What has it looked like for you as a seventeen-year-old now growing into young adulthood, navigating the different seasons in these past almost four years? It's definitely, it's been really hard because like there's I was only 17 and there's still so much coming.
Like my like, I still have a lot of growing up to do. I might be 21 now, but like there's still so much more to come and it's hard to not have her. here to watch all of that. Yeah. But Like During the hard seasons, there would be times where I wouldn't be in the word, and that would make the seasons even harder.
Um But, like, the seasons I were in, I was in the word, I was able to cope with the grief and lean into it in a healthy way and. Um Yeah, I And like again, just If I was having a bad day, I would go out and go ride my horse for hours on end and come back home even better than what I was. I think that I have four kids too. And I think that that is. A really neat thing that I don't think I would have thought about is just in part of what we want to discuss here today on Hope in the Morning are unique ways to help kids navigate their grades because.
They do process things different for one thing, they're small with these huge feelings and and. And even understanding the fact that, like, grief does change throughout seasons, because, even like for you, you know, looking ahead in your life, when you get married, that's a whole different thing. When you have your first baby, there's recurring griefs that come about that people need to remember when a child has experienced childhood grief. We're Were your parents and you and Joshua, do you guys all keep a pretty open line of communication as far as like, hey, I really need to talk about Izzy today? Yeah, we do.
There's times where my mom will see me like angry or like quiet throughout the day and she'd be like, hey, what's going on? It's just, I'm known to be a stuffer in my family and I'll just stuff my grief and. My mom will notice and then come and ask, like, hey, like, what's going on? Like, tell me, like, what's bothering you? Um but yeah, they never they never stopped checking in on us.
Even though it's been four years, they never stop. Yeah. Well, and again, it's like four years is that's not a long time. It's not. You know, I mean, your sister would have just turned 18.
You know, that's not a long time. Then And I mean, you'll, you will grieve, you'll grieve her your whole life. You'll love her your whole life. Yeah. And I love the saying that says, like, grief is love with nowhere to go.
And, Because it is. And I mean, you say all these wonderful things about your sister's accomplishments. And I mean, if they go and look on your Instagram or your mom's Instagram, they can see some of your sister's artwork. And she was incredibly talented, especially for 14 years old. Yeah.
Yeah. Did she run horses with you too? I would get her on every now and then.
So, more your thing than hers overall. Yeah, yeah. But she would hop on every now and then and goof off and all that. Did your mom ride horses prior to Izzy passing away? She did.
She did not. She only recently learned how to ride.
Okay. And that's something that you and she do fairly often together now. Pretty much weekly now. And she loves it. Oh my gosh, it's so much fun taking her out.
Has that been has that been a healing thing for you and her to do together? It really has. Just to have that time together now that like I am an adult and I got my own life, I am incredibly busy and not having Um we have to Find a time in the week to get together, and it's my favorite time of the week. And we usually go ride, and it's been so healing to just be there with her and with the horses. It's just, It's just awesome.
Yeah, yeah. I think being out in nature, there's something comforting about being in nature. Has that been something like, does Joshua also process things in physical manners like that? Whether it's like running or bike riding or horseback riding, has that been an outlet for him too? I don't not really, not as much.
Okay. processes things different. I haven't Yeah, he just processes things different. He's more of like, let's just sit in it and talk about it and Yeah.
Well, and again, I think those are good things for us to remember. Just like with adults, like kids are, they're not cookie cutter. You know, it's like every kid is a little different. And I mean, some kids, especially when they're really little, like they need to sit on your lap. They need to have that physical comfort, read a book, do things that are familiar to them and keeping kind of keeping that routine for them as best you can when they're little.
Was routine an important thing for you guys to kind of maintain? Did that feel important to you at 17? Yeah, it did. I love having a routine. Yeah.
But it did. It was very important. And then with your guys' church, was that did you guys just stay super plugged in the whole time after you lost Izzy? Yeah, we tried to. As much as we could, we tried to.
Like that, the first Sunday, like right after it all happened, we still went to church. Wow. Most people wouldn't go to church or they wouldn't go to church for months on end. We kept coming to church. Because you remember.
Do you remember any of the songs or hymns that stood out to you in that season? Of life, like the in the early days after? Yeah, it was turn your eyes upon Jesus, and then my worth is not on what I own. Those have been really impactful and especially during that time. Are they ones that you come back to time and time again when your heart feels heavy?
Oh, yeah, all the time. There's so much power in music, and especially in the hymns, because the lyrics are so doctrinally rich. What an amazing thing to be able to guide our children. Toward the Lord in seasons when they just feel like never-ending darkness. And when we come back from the break, we're going to talk about really unique ways that you can aid grieving children, whether that is your own child or maybe a child in the church that you can step into their sorrow and be the hands and feet of Jesus.
So join us again in a moment on Hope in the Morning. Hope in the Morning allows you to lean into the suffering of others and helps equip you to purposefully mourn with and meaningfully minister to those suffering in your midst. May these testimonies cause you to see our God with fresh and thankful eyes. and may you seek to be His hands and feet to every wearying heart. Visit hopeinthemorning.org to learn how you can partner with us in ministry.
As a grief counselor with years of experience, I can testify that Hope in the Morning is one of the best resources out there. Out of all the grief books I've purchased and that others gave me, this is the book that has helped me the most. These stories don't showcase the individuals as heroes who battled and conquered the worst. The stories of hope in the morning provide a marvelous perspective, allowing the listener to focus on Christ rather than self. These stories remind me of who my Savior is and that there is truly hope in the morning.
To learn more, visit us at hopeinthemorning.org. Welcome back to Hope in the Morning. I am joined today with Abby Bishop. And Abby is the sister to Izzy and sister to Joshua and the daughter of Brandon and Jill. And we've had Brandon and Jill on here before.
When her sister Izzy was just 14 years old, she died in a swimming accident. And one of the things I think is so unique about your family, Abby, is that. From what I've learned from your parents, you guys really did. Move closer, like your parents. And it corrected me, correct me if I had the wrong impression of this, but it sounded to me very much like your parents were intentional to grieve in front of you guys, even and let you see that this is.
Okay, and this is what it looks like to grieve with hope. Yep. Yep. Yep. In what ways would you say, like, my parents, my parents demonstrated X, Y, Z, and I've learned how to process my grief better because they showed me this and this.
Yeah. Um They let's See. Um They have shown me how impactful Memorizing scripture can be. There'd be times where me and my mom would be biking or something, and she would get like a wave of grief, like all of a sudden, and then she'd be like, Okay. Let me recite this memory verse and we would calm down.
Like, because then I'd get all worked up because I'm an emotional sponge and I'll soak up everybody's emotions in the room.
So we would recite scripture, and that really helped.
So they showed me how important it is to keep memorizing scripture. It really does come in handy. What are some of those verses that you find your mom or you and your mom continually go to? Proverbs 3, 5 through 6 is pretty much a daily one that we go through. Like can you quote that one for us?
I can try. Let me put you on the spot, Abby. It's trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. in all but in all your ways acknowledge him for he'll make your path straight.
Mm. I may have butchered it, but it's that. It's that. It's pretty close. Yeah.
What so what does that verse like how does that verse come for you? It comforts me. Like, you probably know the story of Must Trust and how, like, my sister, she read the book Night by, um, Ellie Wussell, or something like that. I forget who the author was, but it was a book during the Holocaust, and then she had to write. a um letter to him And Like just as a homeschool project, and she had in bold, you must trust the Lord.
like involved just in oh this Fake letter. She had that emboldened we found it right after she passed.
So just remembering that if we just trust in the Lord, He will make our path straight. It may not make sense now, but it it may it never makes sense. But It's better than following the winding path we're going down like just Just trust and lean on him and everything will be okay. Yeah. I remember your mom sharing that story.
And I think one of the things that stands out to me so much in that story is that, again, at just 14 years old, she already had wisdom. She already knew the Lord and she loved the Lord. You can tell that. In what she wrote. I mean, your mom has shared little excerpts of that with me.
And that's where you guys got the phrase must trust. And I mean, your mom has done t-shirts with it and stickers with it. And we actually, we have some of your mom's stickers. And for some people on our program that have received a gift of hope, some of them have received those stickers in their gift of hope. Um And actually, your mom also sent us a couple of your sister's drawings of the little birds that she did.
And a couple of those have gone out too. And that's really cool. It's so neat to see how here little Izzy ministered to people and she had no idea that that's what she was going to do. And yet, here, God is using her life even today. Even while she's with him in glory, her life and her testimony is being used.
And I want to say that I so appreciate you and your parents being willing to come on and be honest with these things and talk because. Again, just like we said before, as believers, like it doesn't hurt less because when you lose a loved one, our hope is different. Yeah. But, We want to learn how do we navigate the depths of grief and sorrow that we're going to come across in this life, in this fallen world. How do we love each other well?
And now you are 21 years old and you're almost four years out from losing your sister and your best friend. And you've mentioned one of the things that helped you the most was riding your horse. And so now you have a very unique way that you've kind of channeled your pain and given it a purpose. Can you talk to us about that? Yeah.
Um so my my hope and desire is to do equine assisted therapy. And Um I really I have found what helps me is helping others. help them. I don't I don't understand why, but like Being around fellow broken, grieving people is so comforting to just be there for them. Ah, just Alight and understanding their pain, and I want to do that with children.
use horses to help. unlock that kind of part in their heart and And so I love that. What are some of the things that that that encompasses with equine therapy.
So I As of right now, I'm just teaching lessons and just I just I remember myself just riding horses was just so, so comforting. You'd get on and the world would go quiet. Your head would go quiet. And it was just you and your horse. Yeah.
And then horses are good mirrors of ourselves. They teach you to calm down because they feel every emotion. They feel your heart beat from. Five feet away, like they feel everything.
So if you're frustrated. The horse is going to be frustrated. If you're angry, the horse is going to be angry.
So it really teaches you to calm down because you don't want to get angry. You don't want to be angry and get on a horse. That's going to be a terrible ride. Yeah, I never knew that. Yeah.
So if you, they'll teach you to calm down because you want a good ride, but it's They are listeners and They they know when you're hurting. Animals know when you're hurting. Yeah. I think that's a neat segue for people to think about. If you have a child that's grieving, that's a neat form of therapy for a child to kind of get.
Get out of their normal everyday thing and to get on a horse that can understand them. As far as like when you're talking about the horse kind of mirroring your emotions, what did that look like between you and your horse on the days that you were sad?
Well, like on the days I was sad, um He He knew when I would be sad. He just knew. I don't know how he knew, but he knew and he would just kind of like lean into me. He doesn't let me pet his face all that much. He doesn't like it.
But on those days, he will let me just hold his head. And hug him, and he'll like basically hug me back because he just knows there's something wrong. Um And he would always treat me a little bit nicer on our rides. That was sad. What's your horse's name?
Magic. Magic. And how long have you had your horse? Oh, I think it's Been seven years, maybe? Six or seven years?
Yeah. Were you riding before you got your horse, or did you get your horse and then you were?
Okay, so you've ridden for a long time. Yeah, about twelve or thirteen years, I think.
Okay. How did you know? Like, where was that connection found for you? Like, did your parents introduce you to horse riding, or was that just something that you initiated? I initiated.
I got bit by the horse bug at an early age, and just all I wanted was to get on one. Oh, I wanted to, because that brings to mind something else real quick. Are you willing to talk to us a little bit about what it was like for you? when your mom, I know your mom just took on a very Close to the heart project for you. And that was turning your room that you shared with Izzy into a room for just you.
And I was, I was remembering because I know your mom put really special touches of forces there. And so, what was that experience like? for you. It was definitely hard moving all of her stuff. Like if we didn't share a room, her room would probably still be the same.
Um but Chain chain moving everything out was the hardest part. Once we did that, everything was exciting from then on. It's just something of my own, something that. She was in something that we shared together, and then I can still enjoy it myself and not look at like an empty bed or something, but just remember all of the good memories and not the bad. Yeah.
So, so in transforming it and doing that together with your mom, was that part of your healing? It was a huge part of my healing.
Okay. I think that's another thing that maybe that's helpful to some parents out there because. I can only imagine how How hard that would be if your kids share a room? Because, on the one hand, like you were saying, like our hearts, when we lose someone we love, we want to preserve everything we can of them. And yet, I loved your mom's heart behind.
transforming that room for you and those those that don't know your mom Your mom is very much an artist of her own. I mean, that apple did not fall far from the tree when busy. I mean, your mom takes furniture and like restores it so it's like unrecognizable and stunning. Yeah. And she did such a beautiful job on your room.
But I remember even watching the Instagram stories, and every detail she put her heart into it. And you, you could just see in every little thing how much your mom loves you and cherishes you. And you guys do something else that's very special that. is to to remember your sister and you guys i think you call it best day yes ma'am that's what we call it tell us about that yeah so every year so my dad his birthday is in december And every single year after her after my dad's birthday, she would go, Oh, it's my birthday next because her birthday is in February and she'd be like, Oh, it's my turn and so we draw names for each other. And we have about two months to think of a gift.
that we would have to that we have to create to give that person on her birthday. Because we can't get her gifts, we honor her memory by creating gifts for each other. It's really, really fun. You guys have made incredible things, too. I mean, that's such a cool thing.
Who came up with that idea in your family? My dad did. Your dad did.
Okay. And were all of you guys just like instantly like, yes, we definitely want to do that. Yes. What is your favorite best day gift that you've gotten? Hmm.
Maybe I should just ask you what some of the gifts are because your family's gonna be like, why was mine not your favorite? Oh man. I know my dad made 'cause he got my mom. This past year, he made her a.
So, my sister was really into birds, and he made her this, like. He cut down this piece of wood. and like drilled holes in it. To where on every single walk, they can pick up a feather and put the feather in that log. And I forget what's inscribed on it, but something really sweet.
But that way they can remember their walks and Izzy and the birds and all of that. When your mom made that really cool term. I mean, so I remember when your mom, that was a more recent one, right? Was it maybe not this year, but last year? No, it was this year.
It was this year that she did that. No, she well, she made two miniatures. She made one for my dad last year, and then one for me this year.
Okay, okay.
So, when you guys draw names, and the person whose name you drew is a family member that you're making something for them, right?
Okay, okay, so who did you draw this year? My brother.
Okay. Do you remember what you made for your brother this year? I do. Yeah. So we're really in.
Uh we're really big fans of the band 21 Pilots.
Okay. We've traveled all over to go see him and me and my brother have traveled by ourselves to go see him. And one of their songs is called Garbage, and that's one of my brother's favorites.
So I, and he loves collecting vinyls.
So I made him like this crate um That he could stick his vinyls and vinyls in because he doesn't have anywhere to store them. And then I put like a lid on it to where then it looks like a dumpster almost. And it has, like, I feel like garbage on it. Like all the such lyrics from the songs on it and It's just a big old dumpster for his vinyls. I think the way that you guys do that with each other is neat too because of Izzy being so creative.
It's like, it's a definite big nod to her because, you know, it sounds like she was one of the most artsy ones in your family. And yet you guys all do this collectively where it has to be completely handmade, which is so cool. Yeah. Because those are going to be things that you guys treasure from each other. forever.
I mean, what, what a neat thing. And I wanted to also transition to talking about some of the other unique ways that really do help kids process and they help adults too. And I've seen your mom do some of these things. I mean, if you can't tell, I love your mom. I watch your mom a lot.
And I just, I find your mom to be very. Inspiring in a lot of ways because, again, your mom has been very honest and open about the things that she's gone through. Not just the loss of her daughter, but going through cancer twice. Tongue cancer is like very painful and um And the loss of her dad, too. And then, you know, just so many things that your mom has dealt with.
And yet your mom just like. she radiates this grace. Within her, and you can tell that she loves people. And you were saying earlier that one of the ways that You feel comforted almost is serving other people. And I can't help but think that you must get some of that from your parents because.
I see that in your parents and um And that's such a cool thing. And one of the ways that people can guide their kids is: let's serve somebody else. Let's go, you know, maybe they've lost a baby. Let's go to the hospital and let's bring some baby blankets there or. Involving them, but one of the unique things that your mom did, and I'd love to know kind of how you're involved in this too, is the garden you guys started.
Can you talk about that? Yeah, so we've always loved to garden together and we would garden as the Three Musketeers all the time. Um and then Me and my mom have continued doing that over the years. This year has been, the garden has been the best it's ever been. And I'll help her plant, I'll help her weed, I'll help her with as much as I can, just building and.
new life in our rec yarn. Yeah. It's turned into a pretty special place. And people have donated like special pieces to go there. And it's pretty neat.
Some of the other ways that I wanted to kind of talk about as far as just practical helps, and I'm going to ask you too if you have any other practical ideas, maybe things that helped you or things that now you thought. Man, this is something that I can use. I don't know if maybe someday you would ever want to do like a camp for breathing, use the equine therapy and other things, but. What are some things before I mention a couple ideas, what are some things that come to mind off the top of your head as like, here are some activities or some practical, tangible ways to help kids as they're processing their grief? Yeah.
So for me, it really helped to keep moving. Like some people will just sit and kinda let grief swallow them. Don't do that. That's not helpful. It can be helpful at times, but like for me, I I love biking.
I I'll buy, can buy, can buy. It leaves me time to think, it leaves me time to breathe. It's so refreshing. And there are times where you feel like you're running away from your problems when you keep your body moving, it feels that way at times, but. If you Sit in the grief and move your body, that has helped me so much.
Hmm. I think that's that's good advice. And there are definitely kids that they need that activity as the outlet. That is part of the way that we process things. And just like you said, you can kind of be alone in your head.
for a little bit because you're you're moving you're keeping things active and One of the other things I was thinking when my dad died that helped my kids process a little bit is painting. And being able to like. I mean, you can either instruct them and say, you know, we're going to use all these different colors, and these different colors mean different things. And you can create a picture based on how you're feeling, or you can just put the paint out there, put some really calming music, or even music that has scripture to it, and just let them. Let them process through their painting a little bit.
That was a helpful thing for them for sure. The gardening, I think, is a great thing where people can see new life come forth. And that's something, again, like we can direct our children to knowing that we plant those seeds in there and we entrust it to the Lord. And the Lord is the one that. brings forth that growth and the new life.
You know, I think there's a lot of things when it comes to nature, again, whether it's the horses or going for trail walks or gardening that we can bring back to the character of God, which is what we want to root our children in. What would you say are some of the ways that you have Grown more deeply in your relationship with the Lord since the passing of your sister. He wi I've grown Just Like again, with the trust, I've grown to just trust in him. And the times that I get anxious or Um Angry or whatever, I'll just remind myself that everything is going to be okay. Like in the end, everything will be okay.
It's not okay right now, and it may not be okay for a long time, but. He has been there through every single step of the way, and he has never left me.
So like that's been a huge comfort and Um my prayer life has been Wonderful just knowing that he's always there and I can talk to him him about whatever and Um I don't think my faith would be as strong as it is now if Izzy didn't die.
So. And that's I'm sure kind of a hard thing to say almost because I'm sure you wish you had your sister right there next to you, that you were going to be hanging out with her. And, um, One of the other questions I'd like to ask you is just A lot of parents, like when you, when you lose a child, or maybe one parent is now navigating the grief of having lost the other parent, or maybe you've lost your health. I mean, you've navigated that as well with your mom twice, once when you were pretty little, and once after the death of your sister. What are helpful things when it comes to things like holidays and traditions?
Because I know those are hard. What are some helpful things for kids that you can? kind of help the adults understand from a child's perspective that these are helpful things to do or um you know I don't know. Maybe it's that keeping it simple is okay. I don't know.
I would love to hear what your perspective is. Yeah, definitely keeping it simple is okay. But keep doing, keep doing things around the holidays. and but also have understanding for your parents because they're they they're not going to have the energy like it's going to be really hard to go back to normal holiday life and it's it's new normal now like you gotta you might have to find new traditions and that's okay But just be willing to grow in that area, but don't stop. Don't stop.
Doing things like if you want to bake a batch of sugar cookies around Christmas time, do that. And you can do it in honor of your loved one. Like we made bee Christmas cookies. And decorate them with yellow frosting. Like, that's what we did.
Like, it was different, but we still celebrated Christmas. did some of our same traditions, but Um, we made new ones, and it's the new normal now, and it sucks, but. We've grown as a family through it.
Well, you mentioned the bee cookies, and for the listeners, the nickname, one of the nicknames of your sister was Izzy Bee. And so I think that. You and your family have done a sweet job too of like looking for little reminders of Izzy, whether it's the color yellow or a bee or your mom looks for random hearts and places. Do you do that same thing? Oh yeah, all the time.
I think that that's sweet. And a lot of people, a lot of people do that. And I think that that, that's a, that's a fun, endearing way to include our children, to say this is something that reminds us of them. And it can bring, it's those little snippets of joy that you can say, oh, look what the Lord did. And again, your mom does sweet things like that.
Like, you know, God will direct her to like a heart-shaped rock. Or I think she talked about there being like yellow heart-shaped confetti on one of her hikes one time. And it's it's A cool thing to direct your children. In that way, because we can say to our kids, see, God sees. And actually, one of the names of God is El Roy, and it means the God who sees.
And sometimes we forget that when we're grieving, we feel like God, I mean, you see it as David penned all throughout the Psalms: like, God, do you remember me? Do you see what I'm going through? Where are you? And yet The art of lament, and as we can direct our children in lament, is that yes, God does see us. And it's okay for us to take our grief to him.
It's okay to take every emotion of our grief to him. and then remember his character. And remember that he is good. He is faithful. He is full of mercies that are new every morning.
And he won't leave you, and he won't forsake you. What kind of practical advice would you give shifting gears? to a family that is facing like a cancer diagnosis and walking their kids through that. What were some things that your family did that really helped you? Whether it was when you were really little or when you went through the second round of that, what were things that were helpful to you?
We just kept being a family. My mom might may have been. As sick as she's ever been, but she'd still be out. She'd still watch movies with us, she'd still be around. And she'd still eat.
Well, we would be eating dinner while she'd be sitting there, but she'd She always stayed around. We'd always still be a family, even though. Our mom was going through so much pain, we never stopped being a family. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
So, just having that closeness, I guess, did that give you a lot of security as a child? It did. It gave me a lot of security. Yeah, I think we underestimate that as parents sometimes. Just physical proximity alone can mean a lot to kids.
And one of the things I had a guest on yesterday. And we were talking about the fact that sometimes as parents, We're tempted to think that the protective thing to our kids, the loving thing, is to hide our grief and our suffering from them. When in reality, Kids learn a lot and they can learn a lot of good things when they see us suffer openly and endure. And that's that's what it looks like as a Christian: to run that faith with endurance, but not hide that from our kids because then they don't know. How to process what they're feeling.
Yeah. Going forward, as you go into young adulthood, what are things that you hope to not only remember about your sweet sister, but Maybe things that you're like, man, I just, I love that so much about her that I really, I'm working on making that like part of my character now too, because I just love that about her. I I really want to be yeah, she was so Generous and caring. Like, if somebody was, she would make cookies for people around the church all the time. for our neighbors all the time, like just caring for these people she hardly talks to.
but I want to be more like that. I want to care for people like she did. Um just she was just a light in the world and I wanna be like that. Yeah. Abby, you guys have such a special family, and I've been so honored to meet you guys, even though these are not the circumstances that any of us would want to meet under, but you Your family has been such a wonderful example of loving the Lord faithfully and Seeing seeing Yeah.
Seeing his goodness and proclaiming that to those that are still here in the land of the living. And you know, there are few harder things to go through than the loss of a sister and your best friend, and yet. To hear you say that your relationship with the Lord is stronger. Ultimately, Because of the pain that the Lord allowed in your life. And I hope that our listeners, parents that are navigating this with their little ones, can see that, okay, Lord, please do that in my child's life.
Please help me know how to walk with them with intention and point them consistently to you. And I want to leave with the final thought: that in scripture, it says, Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for such is the kingdom of God. And that's what I want our listeners to walk away with: remembering that Jesus loves your little child, Jesus loves your teenager, Jesus loves your young adult. He sees the sorrow that they're going through and Pray. Pray to him that he would equip you to be servant-hearted toward them, to know how to speak to them, how to hold them when they need that.
But knowing that Jesus wants them to come to Him in their sorrow and in their suffering.
So, Abby, thank you so much for joining us today on Hope in the Morning and sharing about your precious sister. Thank you for having me. Join us again next week on Hope in the Morning. Hope in the Morning is a non-profit ministry that seeks to encourage the hurting. equip those who walk beside them, and evangelize the lost with the hope of Jesus Christ.
To partner with our ministry or to make a donation in your loved one's honor, please visit hopeinthemorning.org. Your donation helps keep these stories of hope on the air and helps tangibly meet the needs of the hurting.
