God’s Plan for Sex & Marriage: Selflessness

You're listening to A New Beginning with Greg Laurie, a podcast made possible by Harvest Partners, helping people everywhere know God.

Visit our website and learn more about Harvest Partners at harvest.org. Me, me, me, when in reality it should be how can I fulfill you? You put the needs of your spouse above your own and then when they do it in turn, everybody's blessed as a result.

But most importantly, you put God first in all things. It's been said that if marriage doesn't end your selfishness, selfishness might lead to the end of your marriage. A good marriage is made up of givers and forgivers. And today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie brings another of his most requested studies of the year with a look at strengthening our marriages.

We'll see marriages that go the distance work on closing the distance between the two spouses through better communication and reorienting priorities. Let's learn more. This is the day, the day when life begins. Grab your Bible and turn to Ephesians chapter five. That's going to be our anchor text.

This is part of a larger series that we're doing on marriage and the family called Home Sweet Home. Let's start with a word of prayer. Father, we ask that you would bless this time of Bible study as we open your word because we want to see our marriages strong and vibrant and we want them to last a lifetime and we want to live happily even after. But Lord, as we've deviated from your template and from your plan, we've seen the consequences of it. As scripture says, we sow the wind. We reap the whirlwind.

Forgive us for that. I pray for every marriage representative, every person that's listening that you will strengthen it. And for those Lord that are single, help them to be patient and wait on you for that right person to not rush this thing. We commit it all to you now. In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen. Ephesians chapter five. God has given us an instruction manual on life. That includes marriage and that includes family and that includes raising children and that includes being single. It's called the Bible.

B-I-B-L-E. Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. We need to pay attention to what the Bible says. God will tell us how to do this right.

Notice why this series is anchored in a text. How we wonder is it possible to have a marriage where we live happily ever after? Well maybe we ought to lose the fairy tale and just rephrase it as I said earlier to you can live happily even after if you build your marriage on the right foundation.

Listen. If you see a strong and thriving marriage that did not happen by accident or by default. If a marriage is strong and thriving that's because two people are doing their part.

The man has his part and the woman has her part. And it's amazing to me how people will obsess about weddings but forget about marriage. That they'll spend more time talking about the house they're going to purchase rather than the home they're going to build. So the most important thing is not the house. It's the home. The most important thing is not the wedding. It's the marriage.

And here's how to do it right. Ephesians five. God takes us back to the very beginning. Verse 31. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

We'll stop there. Why did God bring the woman to the man? Because she would bring what was missing in his life and the purpose and objective of marriage can be summed up in two words. Go back to Ephesians 5 31. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh. I want you to write down two words if you're taking notes. The words are leave and cleave. Leave and cleave. Two very important words that must be in constant play in the marriage relationship to keep it vibrant and strong.

So it's leave and cleave or sever and attach to or loosen and secure. A successful marriage begins with a leaving. A leaving of all other relationships. Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that you don't have other relationships. You're still a child to your parents. You're still a sibling.

You're still that person. But now a new relationship, a new family has emerged and that should become your number one priority. The closest relationship outside of marriage is specified here. A man will leave his father and his mother. Meaning that if it's necessary to leave your father and mother then all lesser ties must be broken, changed, or left behind. The primary responsibility of a husband is to his wife. The primary responsibility is of a wife to her husband. You still honor your parents but a leaving must take place. And this can be detrimental in the marriage if you don't do it.

So get this figured out ahead of time. Leaving as in leaving and cleaving also means giving other relationships a lesser degree of importance. Listen guys. You can still have your buddies, girls. You can still have your girlfriends. You can have those relationships. But the most important relationship is that of you to your spouse. So it's kind of hard to have a best friend that isn't your husband or wife. You can have close friends but your best friend should be your spouse. And I hope I don't need to tell you that it's very problematic to have close friendships with members of the opposite sex. Right?

So if you say to your wife, hey honey I am going out with my best friend Mary and we are going to go to dinner and then do a movie. But there is nothing here to worry about. Forget that. Okay.

That just has to stop. You can't do that. Your best friend should be your spouse. Here is a really key verse. You might want to write it down and look at it later. But I will read it to you.

It's Malachi 2.13. God says, the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth to whom you have been faithless although she is your companion and wife. It's interesting. So God is approving the individual for unfaithfulness. But He refers to the wife as not just the wife but your companion and your wife. See your wife isn't just your wife. She is your companion and your wife. And the word companion means someone that you are united with in thoughts, goals, plans, and efforts. Thoughts, goals, plans, and efforts.

Your companion. This same idea is communicated over in 1 Peter 3. Husbands dwell with your wives with understanding giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel as being heirs together of the grace of life so your prayers be not hindered. So actually what Peter is saying is hey you need to understand how important your wife is because if you don't, if you are not united with her as you ought to be your prayers will be hindered. So periodically it is a good idea to take stock of your life and your marriage and say is there anything I am doing that is hurting my relationship with my spouse. I pay attention with Kathy.

He says Greg I don't like it when you do that. Or this concerns me. Now it may seem trivial to me. I may dismiss it and say well that is ridiculous.

No but wait. If it means something to her it should mean something to me. And same with her. I don't like this thing here that is happening. You need to listen to each other in these areas and take stock.

And if there is another relationship or maybe it is your career. Hey it could even be your ministry. And it is becoming more important to you than your first ministry which is to your wife and your children. Then you need to reevaluate and you need to realign again as the Scripture tells us we should. You know it is interesting after Adam and Eve were married the Bible says God called their name Adam. He saw them as one flesh. Two become one. And so when you are married you are technically one flesh.

But now it is going to take a lifetime to kind of work that out. Kathy and I realized recently that between us we have one complete brain. It is like I have one half. She has the other half. And when I forget something she remembers it. And she forgets something and I remember it. And so together we have one working brain. But you see it takes time.

It takes a lot of time to get to know a person and to flex with a person and adapt and all the things that happen in a relationship. And that can be said of our relationship with God. I mean the day I become a Christian I am forgiven of my sin.

Right? The day I become a Christian the Bible says I am justified which means that all my sins are forgiven and the righteousness of Christ is placed into my account. But then there is what is called in the Bible sanctification.

Sanctification is now living out what God has done in my life. And it is sort of that way in marriage. I mean you are technically married. You are technically one flesh. But it is a lifetime now of discovering what that means. So first you leave and then you cleave. Now what does the word cleave mean? Well it doesn't mean to divide as in a meat cleaver. It actually means to bring together. It suggests a determined action.

There is nothing passive about the act of cleaving. You are holding on. You are clinging to each other. And one of the ways that we express that love. One of the ways that we demonstrate that love is through the sexual union. You know I think sometimes people think that God disapproves of sex.

How ridiculous. God created sex. And clearly in the Bible we can see that He gave it to us to be fruitful and multiply. So yes it is for procreation.

Yes it is for bringing children into the world. But God didn't say you couldn't have some fun while you are doing it. And you can't have fun in sex. It doesn't have to be a dirty word. It doesn't have to be a taboo subject. It is something that can be enjoyable, pleasurable, and listen to this, even blessed.

But only in the boundaries and safety of a marriage relationship. Because God will bless this as you come together in His perfect plan. Pastor Greg Laurie will have the second half of his message in just a moment. Emails, letters, and phone calls from listeners are so encouraging to us.

And they let us know the effectiveness of these studies. Greg you've changed my life. I had graduated from college last year. I came back home, got a full-time job, and I was kind of putting my faith on the back burner as I was transitioning from being a student into full-time work. And now in my mornings I listen to your podcast and I've never felt closer with the Lord.

I've been praying more and I've been going to church regularly. And your podcast has had an impact with my faith. So thank you for the work that you do in California.

I'm here in Tennessee and I get to listen to you, usually in the car on the way to the gym where I work out. And I love your message, I love the simplicity, and I love the truth that you bring each and every single day. So thank you for sharing the Word of the Lord and all that you do there with Harvest Ministries. What a great story of how Pastor Greg's teachings from God's Word have made an impact on this man's life. And if you'd like to listen to Pastor Greg's podcasts, you can do that through Google, Apple, or Spotify. Or just go to Harvest.org.

That's Harvest.org. Well, we're looking at marital intimacy today in Pastor Greg's message called God's Plan for Sex and Marriage, one of the top ten most requested studies of the past year. Another way that we express this oneness to each other is through communication. One of the keys to a successful marriage is communication. That means you've got to talk a lot together. You need to spend time together.

You need to take time off together from all the things that you're involved in and share your heart. In fact, I read a survey that pointed out that divorced couples were asked, why did their marriage fail? Why did their marriage fail?

You know what the number one reason was? Deficient communication. Eighty-six percent said, my marriage failed because of deficient communication. So you see why leave and cleave are operative words all through a marriage?

First you leave all other relationships and make your marital bond your most important. And then you're constantly cleaving, constantly growing, constantly loving and expressing that love toward one another. I mean, it's as simple as telling your spouse you love them. When's the last time you said to your wife, I love you? Or to your husband, I love you.

I appreciate you. Even a hug would go a long way. I heard about a couple that was having some marital problems. So they went down to see their pastor.

After a few sessions of listening and asking questions, the pastor said he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, came up from behind his desk, walked over to the woman, asked her to stand, and he gave her a hug. And he turned to the husband and said, that's what your wife needs at least once a day. The husband said, thank you pastor. And then the husband said, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?

Uh, miss a point? If I could sum up the breakdown of marriage in one word, it would be selfishness. What it should be, selflessness. I already said, don't marry someone if you think you're going to fix them because they'll probably get worse. So you're going to have to accept them and love them as they are. And if you're not willing to do that, you have a problem.

Houston, we have a problem. It's selfishness. We walk into the marriage saying, how are you going to fulfill me? How are you going to meet my needs? What are you going to do for me?

It's me, me, me, me. When in reality it should be, how can I fulfill you? How can I meet your needs? You put the needs of your spouse above your own and then when they do it in turn, everybody is blessed as a result.

But most importantly, you put God first in all things. But this breakdown in communication is what causes it. I think because we don't have the excitement we initially felt when we first got married all the way through the marriage that we think, well, I guess the marriage isn't working anymore kind of like that actress I quoted in the beginning. I'm not so sure that two people are meant to be together for a lifetime.

No, actually what it is is they are meant to be together for a lifetime. But they have to understand that life changes. Emotions change. But it gets better.

Listen. It gets better. A study was done on couples who had serious conflicts but decided to stay together. The study revealed that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported their marriages were happy five years later. See they just hung in there. Now their marriages are happy five years later. Most striking, this article says, long-term studies demonstrate two-thirds of those unhappy marriages out there will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced.

It's interesting when stats bear out what the Bible said all along, isn't it? Let's just do it God's way. Leaving and cleaving. Leaving all other relationships. Making your marriage your most important relationship. Putting the needs of your spouse above your own. Selflessness instead of selfishness. Watch what God will do. Saving sex and keeping sex for you and your spouse only.

You never cross those lines. Do everything you can to cultivate and weed the garden of your marriage. And you will live happily even after.

Why? Because God said you would in the Bible and you can trust what God says. So now we just need to start living it out. You know in closing, the marriage is of course a picture of the love of God for us and the picture of our love for God. And how did God show His love to us? I mentioned earlier, why are we Christians? Because we responded to the love of God. How did God show His love to us? He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross for our sin. And there He hung on that cross and bore every wrong and every sin and every evil thing you and I have ever done. But He rose again from the dead three days later and He stands at the door of our life and He knocks. And if we will hear His voice and open the door He will come in.

Now listen. I am not talking about marriage right now. I am talking about life.

I am talking about eternal life. So if you are married, if you are single, if you are divorced, if you are widowed, if you are a kid and you don't even know what I am talking about, here is what I want to say to you. You just need Jesus. Wherever you are at in life you need Jesus Christ. You need Him living inside of you. Helping you to be the man or the woman He has called you to be.

And there might be some of you here who don't have Christ living inside of you. Maybe you thought about going to church and maybe learn a few biblical principles and how to have a better marriage and be a happier person. That is not what I am here for. I will share with you principles that will help your marriage. I will share with you principles that will help you have a happier life. But that is not my job. My job if you will is to tell you how to get right with God and go to heaven when you die.

That is what I want for you more than anything else. And in a moment we are going to pray. And I am going to give you an opportunity to ask Christ to come into your life and forgive you of all of your sin.

There might be some of you that well you have kind of wandered off. You know it is right but you have strayed. And you have done things you are ashamed of. Maybe your marriage is unraveling.

Maybe you are single but you are having sex before you are married. Or maybe you are doing this or you are doing that. Whatever you are doing you need to get right with God. You need to repent of your sin and get right with God.

And I am going to give you an opportunity to do that. Let's all pray. Father I pray for any person here especially those that don't know You. Or those that have gone astray. Help them to come to You now and believe and be forgiven of all of their sin. In Jesus name I pray.

Amen. Pastor Greg Laurie with an important prayer. And if you would like to make a change in your relationship with the Lord.

Don't turn away. Pastor Greg will help you do that before today's edition of A New Beginning concludes. Well it is such a privilege to have Pastor Levi Lusko with us today.

He is author of the new children's devotional book Roar Like a Lion. And it comes at a perfect time because of what is going on in the world. You know COVID caught the world by surprise. It just upended everything but it didn't catch God by surprise. Levi what does your book tell us about trusting the Lord and the unexpected trials of life?

Yeah absolutely Dave. I think this book is hopefully going to help people to train for the trials they are not yet in. Every single person, every single family is going to suffer some sort of difficulty or loss.

It is not a question of if but rather when. And the Bible says that if we have a righteous heart we have an everlasting foundation. And when the whirlwinds of this life come we won't be moved.

But the person who builds their house on sand is going to have the trial destroy them. So we talk a lot in the book about how to get ready for hard things that are going to come. And how to respond to them when they do by fixing our eyes on Jesus and by having faith. And we talk specifically in the book there is a whole entry just to help people kind of view hard things differently.

And to believe that good things can come out of hard situations just like the cross which led to our salvation. Yeah there is a little sidebar in this particular chapter that is called Stuck where he talks about what happens when you do get stuck. And he said did you know have you ever seen a movie or a cartoon where people get stuck in quicksand? The more they move the deeper they get pulled in. You may thought that only happens on TV but quicksand is real. It is a mixture of sand and water and because the water does not reach all the way to the top quicksand looks like regular sand. But if a person or an animal steps in it they will begin to sink.

If you ever find yourself stuck in quicksand move slowly spread out your arms and legs and try to float on your back to safety. So not only is this a spiritual book it is a practical book because I have often wondered if I stepped into quicksand what do I do? Now I know because I have read Roar Like a Lion by Levi Lasko. But isn't that just so amusing and you know that is the thing like I think one of the things that is fun for me about this book Greg is that there has to be something that keeps adults interested too. And finding out that Frank Sinatra paid $60 for his first microphone and before that he used to sing at his concerts through a megaphone.

Like little things like that that will hopefully be interesting to the kids but also keep the adults paying attention as well. That's right so we want to send you this new book by Pastor Levi Lasko called Roar Like a Lion subtitled 90 Devotions to a Courageous Faith for your gift of any size to help a new beginning continue on ministering to people literally around the world. Yeah that's right and it's such an important time for that work. Hearts are hungry. We even saw it several weeks ago at SoCal Harvest. One person wrote and said can you believe how many people are here? We came from Los Angeles and frankly we would have driven across the country to be here.

We wouldn't have missed this for the world. It's such an important time to reach out with the love of Christ and your investment makes that work possible. And with your donation right now we'd like to send you Levi Lasko's new book called Roar Like a Lion. You can donate securely online at harvest.org or write to us at A New Beginning Box 4000 Riverside California 92514. And we have operators who can speak with you by phone anytime 24 hours a day at 1-800-821-3300.

That's 1-800-821-3300. And then Pastor Greg for those who want to make a change in their relationship with the Lord today, what's their next step? I would say the next step is that you have to recognize you're a sinner and be sorry for your sin and ask God to forgive you. And the way that we do that is through prayer.

That's how we communicate with God. So I would like to lead those people listening, you that are listening, that do not yet know Jesus Christ in a word of prayer. If you want Christ to come into your heart, if you want him to forgive you of your sin, if you want to know that when you die you will go to heaven, pray this prayer with me right now. God, I know I'm a sinner and I'm sorry for what I've done and I turn from my sin now and ask for you to forgive me.

Thank you for sending your son Jesus Christ to die on the cross and to shed his blood for me. Jesus, come into my life. Be my Savior and my Lord. Be my God and be my friend. I want to follow you from this day forward so fill me with your spirit and help me to be your disciple. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you that I am now yours. In Jesus' name I pray.

Amen. And listen, if you have just prayed that prayer with Pastor Greg and asked Jesus to be your Savior, we'd like to offer some help as you begin your new life as a Christian. We'd like to send you our New Believers Growth Packet.

It'll help answer some of the questions you might have and get you started off right toward building a strong foundation for your faith. So get in touch for your free New Believers Growth Packet. You can call us at 1-800-821-3300.

That's 24-7, phone number 1-800-821-3300. Or write A New Beginning, Box 4000, Riverside, CA 92514. Or go online to harvest.org and click on Know God. Well next time, more from the most requested presentations of the year. Pastor Greg addresses the questions surrounding angels and demons in the life of the believer. Join us here on A New Beginning with Pastor and Bible Teacher, Greg Laurie.