God’s Plan for Sex & Marriage: Honorable Relationships

You're listening to A New Beginning with Greg Laurie, a podcast made possible by Harvest Partners, helping people everywhere know God.

Visit our website and learn more about Harvest Partners at harvest.org. So the most important thing is not the house, it's the home. The most important thing is not the wedding, it's the marriage. Build your marriage on the right foundation. Imagine giving a nice, thoughtful birthday present to a good friend of yours.

But when he opens it up, he's more excited about the box the gift came in than the gift itself. Well today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie points out how couples often do that with those things that surround a marriage. We'll see how to make sure we honor our relationships the way God wants us to. It's a good reminder today of the sanctity of marriage from one of the most requested studies of this past year. I read an interesting article in the paper a while back about a well-known actress who is getting a divorce. And she sounded a cynical note about marriage in general. She said, and I quote, I don't want to sound bitter because I'm definitely not, but I don't know if people are meant to be together forever.

End quote. Now this article goes on to say that this actress is not alone and wondering, there's no doubt, particularly as life spans have increased, that there's less certainty about finding and keeping lifelong love with just one person. A 2014 survey of millennials commissioned by the USA Network Drama Satisfaction found 43%, listen to this, 43% would support a beta marriage model that is testing relationships for two years before deciding to commit or dissolve. A beta marriage model.

And then also 36% backed the real estate marriage model in which couples would commit to a separate of time ranging from five to 30 years and at the end have to renegotiate if they want to remain married. Let me help you out if you think this has some validity. The beta test and the marriage test are not going to work. You do it God's way and it will work.

You do it these other ways, you are already setting the stage for failure. You know I think that sometimes people think well we'll just live together and we'll have all the fringe benefits of marriage without the commitment and this would be sort of a test run to see how we'll do later if we're ever to get married. But actually that is a good way to set the stage for a divorce not a successful marriage. I read an article that said couples who live together are gambling and are losing, listen, in 85% of the cases. Many believe the myth that they are in a child marriage. Actually it is more like a trial divorce in which 8 out of the 10 couples will break up before the wedding or afterwards in divorce.

Ok. So a successful marriage is a total commitment. You just go for it or you don't go for it.

Let me say a word about not going for it. Really if this is your attitude, if you are not sure if you are marrying the right person do not get married. You know it was Benjamin Franklin who once said, keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards. And I think the problem is we walk into marriage with our eyes half shut. Sometimes a girl will say, this guy has a lot of flaws but he is going to be my project. I am going to fix him.

News flash. He is probably going to get worse. He is going to just become a more exaggerated version of himself. If you can't love him as he is, if you think you are going to change him you might be in for a real shot. Same for the guy marrying the girl. And that is why I say if you are not married yet, if you are courting or even if you are engaged and it doesn't work out, go ahead and break up.

Do us all a favor. Break up. Get the break ups over with before the marriage so there will be none after the marriage.

You see. Now my wife and I we broke up three times. We were young kids too I might add. We courted for three years. There is a word you don't hear anymore. Court. Three years we went out if you will.

And it became an annual event. We broke up. And it was one of those break ups like I never want to see your face again. But then we got back together and finally after the third one we said, ok this is it.

We know we are meant for each other and we got married. But honestly this might even surprise you. Even if you had your wedding announcements printed and a month out you decided this is a bad decision. Go ahead and cancel.

Just give the gifts back to the people. That is all I am saying. Don't be a runaway bride. Try not to do it on the actual wedding day. But my point is figure this out ahead of time because wedlock should be a padlock. And if you are not willing to make that commitment then do us all a favor and stay single.

Ok. But God has a plan. And if we will do it His way He can bless it.

And you know what? God has given us an instruction manual on life. And that includes marriage. And that includes family. And that includes raising children.

And that includes being single. It is called the Bible. B-I-B-L-E. Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. We need to pay attention to what the Bible says. God will tell us how to do this right.

And that is why this series is anchored in a text. What we wonder is it possible to have a marriage where we live happily ever after? Well maybe we ought to lose the fairy tale and just rephrase it as I said earlier to you can live happily even after if you build your marriage on the right foundation. Because if you see a strong and thriving marriage that did not happen by accident or by default. If a marriage is strong and thriving that is because two people are doing their part.

The man has his part and the woman has her part. And it is amazing to me how people will obsess about weddings but forget about marriage that they will spend more time talking about the house they are going to purchase rather than the home they are going to build. So the most important thing is not the house. It is the home. The most important thing is not the wedding. It is the marriage.

And here is how to do it right. Ephesians 5. God takes us back to the very beginning. Verse 31. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. We will stop there. Now Paul here is taking us back to the book of Genesis. Specifically to the Garden of Eden. The Garden of Eden. And what do you think of when you envision this amazing place? I think sometimes we see it as more of a mythological place like the city of Atlantis or Neverland or Camelot.

But now listen to this. The Garden of Eden was a real place. And Adam was a real guy and Eve was a real girl. This is a real story.

These are historical events. But Eden surpassed any beautiful place you have ever seen. Think of the most gorgeous place you have ever been to and magnify that a thousand times and you get a glimpse of the beauty of Eden. And Adam was surrounded by all of God's handiwork and creation and the plant life and the animals. And Adam had the coolest job of all time. His job was to discover what God had made. He had to give names to the animals too.

Sure he started running out after awhile. But what a wonderful time that was. And the animal kingdom was tamed. It wasn't hostile like it is now. So here is this incredible environment. But something was missing.

And actually it was a someone. And Adam didn't know what that was yet because she had not yet been brought into this world. So the Lord had said of all of His creation, it is good. It is good.

It is good. But then God looked at the aloneness of man and said it is not good so I will make a help meet for him. Genesis 2 18. I will make a helper comparable to him. It is an interesting phrase if you translate it from the Hebrew. When the Bible speaks of the role of the wife to the husband, a helper is someone who assists another to reach fulfillment.

It can also be translated someone who comes to rescue another. Eve would rescue Adam. And Adam would rescue Eve from loneliness and much more. I heard a story.

You may not have heard this story. But God and Adam were having a conversation. And Adam asked God after the Lord made Eve, wow Lord why did you make her so beautiful? God said to Adam so you would love her. Adam said God why did you make her so soft? God said again so you would love her. Then Adam asked God why did you make her so stupid?

God said so she would love you. Now just a joke. Of course women are not stupid. Let's just say that at the outset.

That is a silly story. But God has invented marriage. And it is insane to me that we think we can now redefine it.

God decides. We built our very nation the United States of America on the foundation of marriage and the family. George Washington our first president warned that we can never expect in his words the smiles of heaven on a nation that disregards the eternal rules of order and right which heaven itself has ordained. So as we disregard God's rules, disregard God's laws we are going to pay a price for it. It has been said that a family can survive without a nation but the nation cannot survive without the family. God has given us this template and the further we get from it the worse things become.

And by the way this institution of marriage has been tested by millions of people over centuries and in multiple cultures and it has not only survived it has flourished. Pastor Greg Laurie will have the second half of his message in just a moment right after a quick look at the way a new beginning touches the lives of listeners. Dear Greg Laurie, I'm 10 years old and I've been a Christian since I was age three or four. My family started listening to you as COVID hit last year. I really like your services and hope that when Jesus comes back that I can take my favorite cats with me.

I watched A Rush of Hope and loved it. I also love seeing your Bradley Brown and watching you on Harvest at Home. I hope you will preach on Matthew 4, 1 through 11 as it's my favorite story. Love you lots. Wow. That's a great little letter isn't it? 10 years old. She wants to take her cat to heaven.

I don't know what I can say about that but I'll tell you this much. I'm so glad that she's watching and it's getting through to her that she loved A Rush of Hope. I'm always thrilled when I get a letter from a kid. I have to tell you I have a soft spot in my heart for little ones.

I love to engage them because you know you never know they might sow a little seed in their heart that will break ground later. But we love children and we're so thankful children are watching our ministry that we put out there online and on radio. And if you're a little kid and you're listening right now I'm so thankful you're listening.

And I know a lot of times you tell me you love the jokes so the jokes are going to keep coming kids and keep listening. You know these daily studies connect with people of all ages and connect with people all over the world. And it's only possible through the partnership of our listeners. Thank you for your support of A New Beginning.

And you can send a generous year-end gift today by going to harvest.org. Well our subject today is marriage. From our series of most requested messages of the last year, Pastor Greg is highlighting God's plan for sex and marriage.

Okay so let's drill down a little deeper now. Why did God bring the woman to the man? Because she would bring what was missing in his life and the purpose and objective of marriage can be summed up in two words. Go back to Ephesians 5 31. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh. I want you to write down two words if you're taking notes. The words are leave and cleave. Leave and cleave. Two very important words that must be in constant play in the marriage relationship to keep it vibrant and strong.

So it's leave and cleave or sever and attach to or loosen and secure. A successful marriage begins with a leaving. A leaving of all other relationships. Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that you don't have other relationships. You're still a child to your parents. You're still a sibling.

You're still that person. But now a new relationship, a new family has emerged and that should become your number one priority. The closest relationship outside of marriage is specified here. A man will leave his father and his mother. Meaning that if it's necessary to leave your father and mother then all lesser ties must be broken, changed, or left behind. The primary responsibility of a husband is to his wife. The primary responsibility is of a wife to her husband. You still honor your parents but a leaving must take place. And this can be detrimental in the marriage if you don't do it.

So get this figured out ahead of time. I heard about a guy that wanted to get married in the worst way. So he found a girl and took her home to meet his parents. His mother didn't like her. He found another girl and took her home to meet his parents. Again his mother didn't like her.

He took four more girls home to meet his parents. Mother didn't like her. So he went on and found a girl that looked like his mother. Dressed like his mother. Talked like his mother. In fact she was like his mother in every way. But the problem is now his father didn't like her. So there is that. This boy needed to leave his father and mother I think.

He joined his wife. Leaving also means giving other relationships lesser degrees of importance. Let me say that again. Leaving as in leaving and cleaving also means giving other relationships a lesser degree of importance. Listen guys. You can still have your buddies, girls. You can still have your girlfriends. You can have those relationships. But the most important relationship is that of you to your spouse. So it is kind of hard to have a best friend that isn't your husband or wife. You can have close friends but your best friend should be your spouse. And I hope I don't need to tell you that it is very problematic to have close friendships with members of the opposite sex. Right?

So if you say to your wife, hey honey I am going out with my best friend Mary and we are going to go to dinner and then to a movie. But there is nothing here to worry about. Forget that. Ok. That just has to stop. You can't do that.

Your best friend should be your spouse. Here is a really key verse. You might want to write it down and look at it later. But I will read it to you. It is Malachi 2.13. God says, The Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, although she is your companion and wife.

It is interesting. So God is approving the individual for unfaithfulness. But He refers to the wife as not just the wife but your companion and your wife. See your wife isn't just your wife. She is your companion and your wife. And the word companion means someone that you are united with in thoughts, goals, plans, and efforts. Thoughts, goals, plans, and efforts.

Your companion. This same idea is communicated over in 1 Peter 3. Husbands, dwell with your wives, with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, as being heirs together of the grace of life, so your prayers be not hindered. So actually what Peter is saying is, hey, you need to understand how important your wife is because if you don't, if you are not united with her as you ought to be, your prayers will be hindered.

Let me ask a question of some of you guys. Have you wondered maybe why your prayers don't seem to go anywhere lately? Could it be that because you have not honored your wife as you should that that has actually hindered your prayer life?

The Bible says that can happen. And by the way the word that Peter uses there for dwell with your wife doesn't mean just live with her. It means to be aligned to or give maintenance to. To be aligned to or to give maintenance to. Do we maintain our homes? Things break.

You have to re-landscape, repaint, change this, change that. Something is always breaking in the house, right? Things happen in cars too. You have to maintain your car. You have to put gas in your car. You have to put oil in your car. Periodically you have to change the tires on your car.

You take your car in for a tune up. But some of us wait until the idiot light goes off to do that. That would be me. Thank you very much. And I wonder if we need an idiot light in our marriages.

Wouldn't that be nice? Little light goes off. Idiot. Idiot.

You are neglecting your wife. Idiot. Idiot.

You are not respecting your husband. Idiot. Idiot. Pay attention to this.

This is a warning. Yeah but we neglect these things. And so take in the analogy of a car. I love old cars that have been restored. Do any of you like old cars? I love them.

Ok. So when I see a perfectly restored, you know, 57 Chevy cruising along I say, that is beauty on wheels right there. I love that.

My wife doesn't understand it. Oh whoa look at that. What? That car. Yeah so it is an old car. No but look at it.

It is perfectly restored. You know I don't know why I just notice things like that. Ok so think of your marriage as a car. The idea is not to take your spouse and trade them in on the new model.

The idea is to be the original owner and turn it into a classic that will stay on the road forever. Do that with your marriage. So periodically it is a good idea to take stock of your life and your marriage and say, is there anything I am doing that is hurting my relationship with my spouse? I pay attention with Kathy.

He says, Greg I don't like it when you do that. Or this concerns me. Now it may seem trivial to me. Ok. I may dismiss it and say, well that is ridiculous.

No but wait. If it means something to her it should mean something to me. And same with her. You know I don't like this thing here that is happening. You need to listen to each other in these areas and take stock.

And if there is another relationship or maybe it is your career. Hey it could even be your ministry. And it is becoming more important to you than your first ministry which is to your wife and your children. Then you need to reevaluate and you need to realign again as the Scripture tells us we should.

Listen to this. I believe that husbands hold the key to a successful marriage. So you know well Greg why do you single out the husbands? Well because God has called the man to be the spiritual leader in the home. God has called the man to be the initiator.

What are men told to do? They are told to love their wife as Christ loves the church. Well why does the church love Christ?

Because He first loved us. So the wife's submission. The wife's respect comes as a response to her husband's loving servant leadership.

You see. Just like we became Christians because Jesus won us over with His undying love. With His everlasting love. And we said I want to follow Jesus so the husband can win over his wife for the way that he loves her and the way that he serves her. But sadly in too many relationships the husband is not the spiritual leader. In fact the wife is often the spiritual leader.

And the husband is well passive at best and sometimes hostile at worst. We don't want that now do we? We want the husband to be the leader God has called him to be. Good insights today from Pastor Greg Laurie's message called God's Plan for Sex and Marriage.

It's from our series of top 10 most requested messages of the year. Well Pastor Greg movies and TV programs about Jesus go back decades. But it seems they're more common now than ever before. That's true.

Why do you think that is? I think people have a real interest in the Bible. And I think when you visualize it. When you cast people to play parts and it's directed well.

And you add music and you know what you're doing. It can be a powerful way of getting people into the greatest stories ever told. And I'll pretty much watch any dramatization of the Bible. I've seen some okay ones. I've seen some pretty good ones.

But we are offering you right now which I think is the cream of the crop. I don't know if you've seen it yet but if you haven't you're going to see it now. It's a special series on the life of Jesus called The Chosen. It's directed by Dallas Jenkins. Dallas is the son of author Jerry Jenkins who wrote the Left Behind books.

And Dallas has got lightning in a bottle here. He has just cast this series so perfectly. Peter and Andrew and Thomas and Mary and Nicodemus. He's made these characters come to life. But his crowning achievement is the casting of actor Jonathan Rumi in the role of Jesus. I've seen many cinematic portrayals of Christ of the years and I think this is the best I've ever seen.

In fact I was speaking with actor Jonathan Rumi who plays the role of Jesus and told him how powerful his portrayal of Christ was in those scenes of The Chosen. I did not come to deliver the people from Rome. From what? From sin.

From spiritual death. God loves the world in this way. But he gave his only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. So this has nothing to do with Rome. It's all about sin. God did not send his son into the world to condemn it Nicodemus.

He sent him to save it through him. So I'm very excited to announce that here at Harvest we are offering season one of this amazing series on the life of Jesus called The Chosen to you for your gift of any size. Is this not the perfect time to watch this with your children? And I'm telling you your kids are going to love it. My grandkids love it. You're going to love it.

Older people are going to love it because it's done so well. The New Testament stories will come to life for you in a way like you've never seen before. So for your gift of any size to us here at Harvest Ministries for the month of December we want to send you The Chosen. Some of you can give more some of you can't give as much but whatever you send will be put to use to continue teaching the Word of God as you hear it here in a new beginning and giving people an opportunity to come into our relationship with Jesus Christ.

Yeah that's right and it's the most strategic time of the year for that investment. Not only are there tax deduction benefits at the end of the year but this is when we determine how far we can reach with the gospel in the coming 12 months. And we have huge plans for 2022 including a large crusade outreach and a film documenting the Jesus movement. We're praying God sends another revival like the Jesus movement. So your donation couldn't come at a better time. And with your investment be sure to ask for season one of The Chosen on DVD.

And time is running out we can only mention this a short time longer. You can donate online at harvest.org or write us at A New Beginning Box 4000 Riverside California 92514. Or call us at 1-800-821-3300. We can take your call anytime. Again dial 1-800-821-3300. Well next time more insights from Pastor Greg about God's plan for sexual intimacy within marriage. Be sure to tune in for more from our series of most requested messages of the year. Join us here on A New Beginning with pastor and Bible teacher Greg Lord.