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Rejoicing in Caregiving: Long Term Care Stories

Finishing Well / Hans Scheil
The Truth Network Radio
June 29, 2019 8:30 am

Rejoicing in Caregiving: Long Term Care Stories

Finishing Well / Hans Scheil

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June 29, 2019 8:30 am

In Colossians 1:24, Paul said "Now I rejoice in my sufferings for you, and in my physical body for the sake of his body, the church. I fill up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ." This week, Hans and Robby listen to Tom as he discusses his personal experience with a health scare and needing an around-the-clock caregiver.


Tom said he had been experiencing bad headaches and unusual sleep patterns for a few days and wrote it off as work-related stress. His wife eventually forced him to go to ER, knowing something was wrong. The doctors, unable to find anything, sent him home. Only a few days later, Tom became unresponsive and experienced weakness in his extremities. He woke up in the hospital unable to use his legs. He was only 26-years-old.


Tom's doctors didn't know what caused his severe illness. Today, they know Tom experienced a disruption in his brain and spinal cord from a rare autoimmune disorder that attacks the central nervous system. At the time, however, his recovery was extremely difficult, especially with an 8-month-old infant in the house.


Tom said he was sent home in a wheelchair and his wife became his full-time caregiver. All of the sudden, she was solely responsible for everything from taking Tom to physical therapy to waking up in the middle of the night for their baby to mowing the grass. At one point, his wife got sick because she was stretched so thin and continued to persevere through it to care for her family.


Hans talks about how Cardinal Advisors had lost another employee right when Tom got sick during their busiest months of the year. Even so, Hans and other employees offered their help to Tom's family and supported him through his recovery.


Tom talks about how life is fragile and ultimately in God's control and hands. Even though his situation was bad, Tom says he was lucky. He had a loving wife who could advocate for him and coworkers who were patient and helpful. His wife was young, energetic, able-bodied, and could care for him effectively.


Most people don't want to discuss long term care. They assume their family will care for them or fear that nursing homes are the only solution or simply say they'll never be incapacitated. Tom wants to emphasize that he too thought he wouldn't need care until one day he couldn't walk.


It's important to know how extremely difficult it is to help grown family members when they're immobilized. Robby talks about how helping his dad into his wheelchair was next to impossible and left them both feeling hopeless. Tom added that he felt embarrassed when he was sick and couldn't take a shower without assistance. The point is, if loved ones don't have the proper training, it's difficult to impossible to help family members with limited mobility.  


Up next, Robby talks about how putting simple legal plans in place like Power of Attorney, Medical Power of Attorney, a will, and a HIPAA agreement can help dramatically in difficult health situations.  


Long term care planning takes care of a difficult decision-making process that can cause disagreements that divide families. Hans talks about how it's hard on the caregivers to see a loved one who can't get out of bed, function, or make decisions on their own anymore. Having the flexibility, permissions, and money to hire professionals relieves this burden and allows families to focus their energy on offering loving support.


Hans says long term care does not mean going to a nursing home. Long term care includes home health care and a fund to help your children care for you. Hans and Robby both say that they themselves will not move to a nursing home unless it's absolutely necessary and have planned according to those wishes. Taking the time to plan now while you're still healthy and sound of mind is worthwhile and can prevent a future bad situation from being made worse.

Don't forget to get your copy of "The Complete Cardinal Guide to Planning for and Living in Retirement" on Amazon or on for free!


You can contact Hans and Cardinal by emailing or calling 919-535-8261. Learn more at  


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You're listening to the Truth Network and Welcome to finishing well brought to you by Cardinal guy Certified financial planner belonged to child best-selling author and financial planner helping families finish well over 40 years of finishing well will examine both biblical and practical knowledge to assist families in finishing well, including discussions on managing Medicare IRA long-term care life insurance and investments and taxes. Now let's get started with finishing well oh well they are finishing well certified financial style and his trusty assistant, Tom McGriff Griffith for candy, but today show is rejoicing in caregiving. You may wonder Robbie how to get there.

Well, it wasn't me it was Paul actually and he said in Colossians 124 this a fascinating verse now I rejoice in my sufferings for you and in my physical body for the sake of his body, the church I show up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ. So I find that more than fascinating. Paul is talking about. There's apparently some kind of a bucket or something that needs to be filled up was suffering and he is considering in his joy to be able to take part in that suffering for the body of Christ in our case today. I'm finishing well. As part of our story and talk about long-term care, Tom. You have you came into a season last September of some severe suffering but almost as you discovered it's harder on the caregiver in that that a kind is it's easier to be the patient because you know you not want to have to worry that that's absolutely true. Some level you know log in some details here in a second, but I was essentially laying in a hospital bed during therapy, and my wife.

The one having the care of everything so it was, you know, not saying what I went through is easy, but for a lot of reasons it was I had the easy job.

I just had to sit there and go do my therapy and eaten shower and you know that kinda stuff and she was having to an eight-month-old child of the times and take care of him.

Take care that you know food and you know the household. Mow the grass, which is something I would normally do on and there is a lot of things that she had to do is on her own sound so take his back there number one for those of you can't see Tommy's very young man. How will your time.

I'm 27 now at the time it happened I was 26 ounces just as less than a year, less than a year ago September. So what happened yes. So I mean September early September at a threat. The week I was can have in a headache and really didn't think much of it is that you know I need more sleep or something like that made him dehydrated. Anyways we get back to Charlotte to visit her family and my wife is Susana something wrong when you go the ER. I was being the stubborn summer man that I was. I don't want to go but she she eventually forced me to go and the first time we went.

They just give me some pain meds and send me homes they'll be fine.

She she wasn't agreeing with that and so we actually went back the next day. Things got a little bit worse. I was sleeping all the time. He noticed not awake and so him back out again. Sunday we went in Monday morning come around. I don't have any recollection of Monday or Tuesday. I was completely out of it. I was unresponsive. I just was not like I didn't know who people were and so they were did a bunch of scans went to Tessa can really figure out what was going on.

They were thinking it might be viral meningitis.

There is some some swelling in the brain.

Things like that but things started improving a little bit. I came as conscious again and then by Thursday they actually sent me home, back to her parents house and nearly take it easy don't do anything too hard, you know, just keep an eye on these things. Why started, throwing up in my leg surfing a little bit weak so went back into the hospital on Friday. Come Saturday morning I wake up and can't move my legs. I was immobile. I cannot move anything and so fast forward at you know they ended up transferring back to wake med and probably and I was in rehab for about a month during inpatient rehab prisoner three hours of physical therapy.

Each day I'm trying get better and things improved from you. I can move my leg so I could at least convince him that I was still in a wheelchair and they sent me home and so you know that that kinda started that you know she still having take care of everything. In the meantime but then that started the long process of getting back to where I am now, which fortunately have improved drastically since then. Like if you saw me.

Now you wouldn't know anything.

It happened, but it some you know a lot of what what was actually that hot it was and it had they didn't really know at the time. Since then, we've discovered I have a fairly rare autoimmune disorder that attacks my central nervous system so it attacked in the net since it that instance. It attacked my brain and my spinal cord and that's really, in succession was the brain first and the spinal cord and then even after that I had something with my optic nerve cut and flame to have some blurred vision, but in the big scheme of things. The vision was kind of a minor one, but since the time of the Mayo Clinic and got some answers and you know that they think they can control it. Now that we know what were dealing with.

They think that they can control it somewhat, but it's been on. It's been a eventful year in and on top of all that having a child during all that was a not the easiest to deal with how old was your child when that started he was eight months old when I went in the hospital and so you know not not of real early baby but still you know, still needs a lot of attention as is all youth and children can imagine, I saw Hans as a boss. Where were you when all this was well last spring year ago now back in back in the spring.

Both Tom and another young advisor that we had both pastor see if P exam at 26 years old 25.25, 25 years old so I had to 25-year-old CFP's working with me and my firm and I have another CFP using stories we have and so I was in pretty excited about my team and first week in September.

The other CFP resign as a shock to all sieges left over some philosophical matter that was just, you know, just a really wasn't anything with Sir wasn't anything to personally try to do it right. But anyhow he left and that was very stressful on common me and the whole organization and then like a week later, Tom just doesn't come back to work and so I've lost both of these guys just a matter of for five months, at least from the day-to-day work.

So I rely on Tom just unbelievable amount that we we we figured it out and I got together with my associate in you know the first thing I've got a look at is the business, but I also you know I'm just thinking about so IIII really never saw Tom face-to-face. I don't think maybe for a couple of months and probably even late November or December before we actually met, but I did see your wife. She came by one day without an appointment, which is great. We were just thrilled to see her and then I got her off in the room and never brought up where were pain. She never asked me, you know, like Jeevan pan time and allowing unity or I never brought it, and frankly didn't think about it a lot. It wasn't just the top of my mind just was concerned about you and knowing that you have this bright future and I'm I'm really counting on you to be one of the people.

The takes over the business and takes care of our clients. You know when went went went went. When I leave this world, or leave the business so I would. I was just as befuddled as him, but I really have a sense, the burden of Chelsea was caring because she she met with me several times and when Tom came in really just around like how we can get him back to work her reason home Kenny work is good form to work and how can we get his work to do at homecoming for the phone's house, but I just had a sense of the enormous burden that she was caring and really try to relieve some of that and try to ask Kurt like can we do some things to help you as a mom and you know like can we send somebody over to mow the lawn or you can we babysit my wife and I mean just things like people in your church were doing for you. We were just as confused as you sell your you find yourself here in the name of the show is called rejoicing in the stuff make for the caregiver.

This was a valuable thing for your family from a standpoint of you learn some stuff that really comes in pretty handy I and I remember myself.

I found out that well you know having a wife when these things happen.

That really loves you and stands by you is number one this is his critical immune imagine that that really is encouraging to you you I mean it was she was a huge help in all that I mean it like a said the worst of it. II was unresponsive and so I had no way she better at it than I am anyways. But I had no way of advocating for myself when I was in the hospital, which is extremely important and so she played a huge role in in doing that and really just making sure that I was getting the care that I needed and talking to the doctors and everything like that so having someone to lean on was just extremely important during that time, and I mean really just turned me back to my faith is like, and I've been a Christian for for a while and email go to church regularly, but you just seeing just the need and just realizing that life is so fragile and then you things can happen is unexpectedly and where it really is not in our control units in God's control is his is his hands and he has a is a plan for us whether we we see it or not, the time you would ask the next time we talk about long-term care that you want to come on the show and talk about it so why are we telling the story from your perspective on this financial show sure so I mean the reason I wanted to come on here and talk about it was not how you plan for financially, and we have all the answers for that but really to talk about how it affects your family when it happens you know, one of the things that I learned in all my studying and teaching to this one thing they talk about is you know what does it do to the family and what is it do the caregivers in the unit it said in its talk a lot where the caregivers could end up getting sickening. I kinda knew that conceptually but my wife like taking care of me only for that. Let three month structure. She was having to she got sick herself 10 carats a minute was a lot of stress on her having to take care of me and I'm the sick one and now she's sick having to try to take care of herself and she just didn't take the time needed to take care of herself and so you know it's it's important to not only think about the financial aspect of everything but really what burden that puts upon your family, the ones who are essentially argued me taking care of you during that time. So I think that that that's why wanted come wanted to talk about yet. Clearly, you've got first-hand experience sure sure hemming and then that's you know like I said I feel very fortunate that it only lasted three months and that I'm back to work now you know you would see me think him 100%, but unfortunate. A lot of the clients were talking to.

That's not the situation you know their their condition doesn't get better in a short period time. If anything, it's getting worse over time, and so I can only just imagine I haven't had to deal with that person at that level. But you know if you have if you have had to deal with that you know exactly I'm talking about is it just gets harder and harder. Take care of us so if you're just tuning in your listing to finishing well, a certified financial planner Honshu Island his trusty sidekick today.

Tom Griffith Griffin FFF if I can't get it right eventually and there book the complete cardinal guide to planning for and living in retirement to find a cardinal we come back working here. More from Tom Moore from Hans on how you might meet set yourself up really rejoice. Hans and I would love to take our show on the road to your church and Sunday school Christian or civic group. Here's a chance for you to advance the kingdom through financial resources and leveraging Hans expertise and qualified charitable contributions veterans aid and attendance IRA so security care and long-term care.

Just go to cardinal and contact to schedule a live recording of finishing well your church Christian or civic group contact on cardinal that's cardinal welcome back to finishing well today show were talking about rejoicing in the caregiver which boy I can tell you if you're the one that needs it. It would be something that you clearly rejoice, but it's also good to think that wow wheat we we are counted worthy right to suffer at time Thompson and as we heard in the first segment, Tom story of what happened last fall, in his illness and his subsequent situation with his wife but you know is you think through that story is that the 26-year-old and in your now talking to somebody that is talking about long-term care what's the first thing they usually say when you say will you know if you consider this happening in your own life with. What's the normal response sure I knew it.

Like I said is the sum we bring up with most of the clients and a lot of people are hesitant in the end don't really want to talk about and some of the objections we get are some of the things they said we hear back from them is all my family will take care of me is is a very common one, or the knocking put me in a nursing home or another common one is I don't think that will happen to me and you and that the reason the night.

I just feel strongly about this is that as a 26-year-old healthy guy am and I was out playing soccer playing bass bombing.

I was doing things and then one day, I couldn't walk. I mean, we never plan for this to happen. We hope it never happens, but we just don't know what is going to happen and so I think it's important to at least plan for and think about what the consequences would be if it does, yet because your wife was held at the time that you were she she would've been 26 as well. So yeah, she is 26 from take care of me and she has six you can imagine if you're saying okay my wife or my spec my kids because you know as I get older website of my kids at and so now you talking about it 70-year-old wife and nose 50-year-old kids and stuff and so all of a sudden this changes and I can tell you from personal experience you had it happen with your wife and your most fell get out of the shower. I had it happen with my dad when I was taking care of him at home. One time we got back from the hospital and I needed to get them back to the bed and he couldn't get out of the chair you think well you rob your 250 pound big strong guy and your dad at this point time I did been 135 pounds you think it's easy to get them into wheelchair to get them out that that by no means it about freaked me out. We both about lost it or not, I'd hate to think you know what it would be if my wife and try to do that or you know somebody like that, Sherry. I minute we were in the hospital and I had done a little bit better at this point I thought I could get to the shower in my own to take a shower without the nurse is helping you mean it's it's kind of a embarrassing have to have so much a view and so my wife was there. She was trying to talk me out of it, but I seen them. I consider him a little bit stubborn I are slightly not weak and I think I can make it and sell. About halfway there. We realize I can't make it this is not a good idea. This is this is a mistake.

She try to help me and she couldn't get me back in the bed, so we had to call the nurses and luckily I didn't completely fall over and hurt myself which you know could easily happen, but the nurses got there and when you know what you're doing. They were able to give me back in bed fairly easily, but if you don't have the training you just don't know what you don't know me you don't know how to take care of someone in move them in the proper way that safe and and really affected Simon. It's just is worth considering all these things okay so so were talking about this on the show because we want to give you real life experiences that we deal with through our clients every day every week where we are just talking to people, like an experience like you had being the caregiver for your father. You had done some planning, some of it was last minute planning, you wished you done more robbery, but were bringing this to everybody's attention because were talking to people generally in their 60s, sometimes in their 70s in their 50s. You knowing that 50 to 70 A.D. variety were your turning into the show, you may think it's too late for you is never too late, come in. We can do some planning, but were talking about the situation because it you need to plan out like what if this happens to me. How's my family can and what if this happens to my spouse how my can handle it how we can handle it financially is just part of the problem, but would money does is it gives you choices, finances and insurance gives you choices that you wouldn't have without the money and you know the proper legal steps that you guys talk about all the time.

Actually, in my own life today. This very day. I have two dear friends that both of which, if they had taken your advice and gotten you know basic stuff, power of attorney, health care power of attorney, you know, a hippo agreement and a will, there would be major, major crisis is to major crisis is that wouldn't be going on right now.

I know one situation where man is totally septic and he did not give permission for them to amputate his leg and now he may die, because there isn't anybody that can step forward with a power of attorney to say yes to conflict, medical her to write a Medio power of attorney is another situation where somebody is not unable to get married that I know of because there was no will and and and these things are just part of what you guys talk about part of the whole thing part of the planning in the long-term care is definitely a big part of the design now finding it in a these things are happening like more more will ensure you wanted. You want to have the flexibility in the money to hire professionals to do some of the work so that you can do the loving party were coming this Chelsea did a number of things in 26 years old that you couldn't do if she was a spouse that was 76ers okay me she has a lot more stamina she recovered from it a lot quicker. Granted you have an eight-month-old child added to the whole thing but generally providing this type of care it's the adult children.

So if you were in your 70s or 80s. Having this type of crisis.

It wouldn't of been Chelsea would've been your son or daughter who's going to be stepping in and they need to be empowered and they need a plan from you in place with your wishes and then part of that plan. The insurance long-term care insurance is not the plan. The plan is separate from that but the long-term care insurance funds. The plan is it provides the money to pay for the professionals to take care of you either at home or in an assisted living facility and we told this whole story. First of all, time matters a lot.

Send matters to many of you that our clients that we know. Listen, you know that Tom works very closely with me and he's the one doing a lot of the work behind while I'm out running around talking to people and he three matters to us and he's had an experience and I just seen him with clients over the last several months. Just bring up. Look, let me just tell you what happened to me and it's not like he plan to bring it up. We really want to impress upon you that you need to get a plan in place for long-term care if and when it happens to your family mainly because you love your family and you you you don't want them to go through the consequences that are inevitable. If this is an plan right and then Mary and the idea of how much suffering you want to put on the caregiver because the caregivers can take on things that you really never would have dreamed, you know, I know when I had cancer went through some things that happened in my life I never would've guessed that really she ended up with a real shorthand of the particular stick and so you know those are things that in order of definitely worth considering. And you can consider them by going to cargo and clicking on the seven worries Today's chapter in a long-term care clearly you know Hans told me and I really believe this, that there's a place where he feels like he's really born fruit for the kingdom of God where he really feels like he's helped families face the major things that would've been unbelievably hard on their families had they not have long-term care. So I find that fascinating that you know here's man.

Clearly, it is always different financial projects, products, but in his own heart in his eyes you can see the people that were actually helped by this. This is where the rubber meets the road on suffering right when you actually are seeing that loved one who can't get out of bed who can't really function who can't really make decisions anymore on their own.

All those things are really really difficult and what a time to have professionals come in and be able to help in an and from the plan like you talked about well and so having agreement of what the plan is long before it happens. I mean families fight over this stuff and I know a lot of you listings sell my family's not in the fire mean you get a stressful situation.

People have different ideas of what's best for mom and dad and they just do. And then you know the date that that's a consequence that if mom or dad have their wishes laid out and then they have the proper powers of attorney in place to empower.

Perhaps their kid that they determine has the most common sense and sense to follow that thing out and then instruct him or her to brief the brothers and sisters on what Inc. and get their counsel, but let them make additions or just all types of intricate things that are gonna come into play. If this happens to you, and I'd much rather see you plan that out. Will your healthy and of sound mind now then just leave it to chance and leave it to your family to bicker over if you want to call it that yet because it it really is where it falls down when things start to come undone is families fight like crazy.

I can't believe what I've seen, you know, I can't believe you're paying $25 an hour to those home healthcare people. I mean you can hear that dad went you know when the people are coming in and then the sons I amen over there you should be pin those people you should be doing that yourself. For me it's just stranger things have been said that and you know what money where you get this money and you know and it just it is a bad situation and it's made worse by not having a plan and so we brought this whole story in and we shared it with you and thank you for sharing your time. We just want to impress upon you that the time to plan for long-term care is now in their options and and that does not mean you know I would've thought before start doing the show with you Hans it if I buy long-term care insurance, it means I'm planning on going on a national actually that would be the last thing that I would be planning for actually be planning for home healthcare to come in and help my kids to do what it is that I did with my time doing right mean you know if if it's absolutely necessary. I'm going over the home. You know I'm in there to put me in there, but anything short of that, I got the money. I've got a big long-term care policy. This is ready to pay the home healthcare agency right and some I hope I never use it at your kids would be just in that position to your love on you and be able to not have to try to lift their there is the case well. As always, you can go to cargo don't forget the guide. After Cardinal and download the passage are the armed on the seminaries tab on home on long-term care and so this was great.

Tom, thank you for your story again for your vulnerability what you and your wife went through with. Thank you for listening this precious and go to cargo thank you, hope you enjoyed finishing well brought you by cargo visit Cardinal for free downloads of the show previous shows on topics such as Social Security, Medicare and IRAs, long-term care and life insurance, investments and taxes as well as constant best-selling book, the complete Cardinal guide to planning for and living in retirement and the workbook once again for dozens of free resources past shows when you get Hans book go to Cardinal if you have a question, comment or suggestion for future shows. Click on the finishing well radio show on the website and send us a word. Once again that's Cardinal Cardinal

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