Creating a Relational Legacy, Part 1

Because I need to talk about creating a relational legacy. When you leave, what are you going to leave in the minds of people as they think about the relationship they had with you? What are people going to think about you as a result of the relationships that you built while here on Earth?

You were created for relationships with God and with others. Hello and thanks for stopping by for this Monday edition of Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Sheppard. Today and for the next few days, Pastor Paul invites his wife Meredith to join him to talk about the importance of building healthy relationships and of leaving behind a legacy of healthy relationships after you're gone. It's all part of his continuing teaching series, Keeping the End in Mind, and it comes your way next.

Stay right here or visit Pastor Paul Sheppard. We're still talking about keeping the end in mind and so we want to make sure that we're doing now in relationships what God wants us to do so that when that day comes that we meet him in judgment, we are prepared to give an account for how we interacted with other people. You get it? So that's what we're doing. Not a sermon today, it's a fireside chat. Alright?

Alright, now, so my wife's just going to jump in. It's not structured, intentionally not structured. I didn't give the folks things to put on the screen because we're in your living room.

You don't have a screen in your living room. You're just going to talk and I pray that it will bless you. This part of your legacy, though, is very important.

Here's the first thing I want to set it up with. God's will is always that we involve, impact, and influence other people. In other words, don't think about the will of God and just think about yourself. The only way you can do the will of God is to involve, impact, and influence other people.

You get it? The will of God always impacts other people. God's will is not for you to just be healthy, wonderful, sexy, wise, period, the end. That's not God's will. Healthy, wealthy, sexy, wise, that's fine, but that's not God's will. God's will is always going to cause you to impact other people.

If you are a hermit, you're out of God's will. Got it? You've got to impact people. So let's talk about relationships. So here's the first thing I want to do, set it up, and then my wife and I will just share back and forth. First thing I'm going to ask you to do is think about, and if you're taking notes, write down the names of, and you might not be able to do it all now, but think about and write down the names of key people in the following five categories in your life.

Five categories. Think about the key family members in your life. We all have extended family. You don't interact with most of your extended family, but there are some family members that are kind of key. You interact with them regularly. Think about who they are.

Get them in your mind, your key family relationships. Second, I want you to think about your key friendships or acquaintances. I say or acquaintances because some of us, and probably what we've got to talk about with some of you is some of us don't have friends. We have acquaintances, and God's probably going to be pushing you through what we'll be saying this week and next week to build friendships. Acquaintances are a dime a dozen. They can be good, but they're acquaintances.

They're surface level. Friends, the Bible tells you what friends are. The Bible says things like Proverbs 17, 17. A friend loves when?

At all times. And a brother's born for adversity. So you don't need fair-weather people only in your social life. If all you have is fair-weather friends, they're not friends.

They're fair-weather acquaintances because the Bible says a friend loves at all times. Faithful are the wounds. A friend can cut you because they love you. Some of y'all don't let people cut you.

As soon as they hurt you, you throw them away. We'll get to that too. So let's talk about your key family members. Talk about your key friends or acquaintances. Number three, I want you to think about and jot down your key mentors or advisors, the people who speak into your life to call you up, to help you become what God wants you to be. Mentors or advisors are people who you look up to for advice, for counsel, and if you don't have them, you'll need to develop them. Number four, your key associates or teammates, the people who help you do what you do, whether it's ministry, whether it's on your job, whatever you do, your activities. Who are the people who help you get things done that you need to do in your life? I want you to get those people in mind, your associates or teammates, the people who help you get where you're going. And the last category is your key mentees or apprentices. Who are the people who are looking up to you for counsel, for advice, for help?

Who are the key mentees, apprentices, people who really pull on what you have in you? Okay, so we're going to talk through, just begin talking through in this session, and we'll carry it over into the next message or time together in your living room. We'll talk about those things.

Okay, first thing we're going to do, and I'm going to ask my wife to help me do this. First thing I want you to do is to appraise those people that you just listed in your mind. We're going to do some appraisals.

We'll use the property appraisals where you call somebody in to evaluate how valuable is your property. Let's do some relationship appraising right now. I want you to appraise your relationships. What shape are they in?

Are they in great condition or are they raggedy? Let's talk through some of those things, all right? So just think about that.

Meredith, I'm going to ask her to share just her first opening thoughts. Tell us about this as we appraise. I will be 65 in two months. And so this scripture is very, extremely sobering when it says the days of our lives are 70.

If it were literal, that means whew, five years left. But I love the importance that this scripture places upon 86 years old. I love the importance that this scripture places upon age because it makes us live soberly to appraise not only our relationships, but to appraise our life. Pastor said, how do you want people to speak about you after you are gone? What kind of legacy do you wanna leave?

What is your relational legacy? It says in Proverbs chapter 10 and verse seven, that the memory of the righteous is blessed, but the name of the wicked will rot. So it's important that we live in such a way that when we pass away, people will think on us and our memory is blessed. We didn't cut off a lot of people. We didn't cut off relationships.

We didn't flag folks, walk away, terminate relationships, hold grudges, harbor unforgiveness, stop speaking, never get things right. You know, we want to live in such a way that when even after we're gone, our memory, the legacy of our memory is one of being a blessing to other people. I heard many years ago, this was comedy, but someone said after they heard of the death of someone, well, they say, always speak good of the dead. So-and-so is dead, good.

We don't want that to be our legacy. We want people to speak well of us after we are gone. Now, you know we got some work to do because that's the way some of us think right now when you think about some folk, but let's appraise the key relationships. So like think, let me just give you a couple of examples. Think about your key familial relationships. So parents with children, for instance. Parents, how well are you doing at discerning the role you should be playing in your children's life right now?

And as you will continue to see them grow in development, how well are you parenting? You're listening to Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Shepherd, senior pastor of Destiny Christian Fellowship in Fremont, California. The second half of today's message comes your way next, so stay tuned. You can always listen to Destined for Victory wherever you go by downloading our free mobile app. The app allows you to select from any of Pastor Paul's recent messages. You can order resources from our online store. You can even take notes from the sermon right on your mobile device, and they'll be waiting for you the next time you stop by.

Search Destined for Victory in your app store and download our free mobile app today. Well, parenting is never an easy job, but it's made much harder when parents try to be friends with their young children. Let's join Pastor Paul and his wife, Meredith, for the rest of today's Destined for Victory message, creating a relational legacy. Some people don't parent well, and so when you appraise them as parents, you see some real problems in the house of their parenting. There's some real issues. Some of y'all are too busy being your kids' friends. You should be friendly, you should be loving, but I'm not in your job to be your boy. I'm in your life to be your parent, and I'm in your life to guide and direct you, and so you got to look at how you're discerning that. Some of you need to discern how well you've done at teaching them and preparing them for becoming adults. Some of us have adult children we haven't properly prepared. Not you, but somebody you know didn't properly prepare your kids.

Well, it's not too late to help them retrofit and build a stronger foundation for their lives. You're not supposed to be a lifelong parent doing what you always did. I'll always be your parent till I'm gone, but I've got to be working myself out of a job. That's what parenting really is, working myself out of a job. Eventually, you're going to be the adult. In fact, if we make it long enough, there will come a time when you might even have to help me in my old age, and so I got to, first of all, make sure you are a full-grown, emotional as well as physical adult. Appraise your parenting.

How well are you doing? Have you been a neglectful parent? You've got to look at those kinds of things. I'd just like to say to women, mothers especially, have you been an over-accommodating parent? Sometimes, as women and nurturers, we just so love these children that we do and do and do for them.

It's just so easy. They don't learn how to button their own clothes or tie their shoes because mommy is always doing it, and mommy can make the bed better without the wrinkles, and as they get older, oh, mommy can iron that. Mommy will wash that for you, and then you have these kids who are getting older and older and you have these adults who are now handicapped because mommy always did it. Especially when you love your children and they're good kids. So it's important that we don't cripple them and make them a mess for somebody else.

Grown folks who don't know how to do anything because mommy loved them to death and not loved them to life. That's good. That's good. Love your children to life, not to death. Children, how are you doing at the transitions in your life? You praise yourself as a child of a living parent. How did you do in the obeying phase? You know, the Bible says, Paul said it clearly, children, obey your parents.

No Greek, you don't need to know the Greek for that. When you are a dependent child in your parents' home, do what they tell you to do. Because a lot of us boomers, we grew up in homes where as soon as we act like we were getting ready to disobey, you know, they let you know in no uncertain term, please understand this is my house. You don't get to come in here and do as you please.

You live here, but it's my house. That's the way our parents taught us. You couldn't come in any old hour.

It didn't matter what. If you were still a dependent in this home, they told you when you were coming in. So how well are you doing or did you do with the obeying phase? And then how well, children, did you shift from obey to honor? See, the Bible says honor your father and mother, and it doesn't talk about only when you were a dependent. In fact, honoring really kicks in hard when you leave their home. When you become an adult, you've got to honor them.

The Bible says that's a lifelong thing. So how well are you doing? You who are adults but have living adult parents, how well are you honoring them right now? You're not in their home anymore. You probably make more money than they've made.

You live somewhere different. You're living your life, but how well are you honoring your parents? You never outgrow honor in the biblical economy.

You never outgrow honor. In fact, when you look at the Scriptures, there are times when somebody was getting ready to go off to do a ministry thing, such as Elisha. Remember when Elijah went by Elisha, threw his mantle on him? That meant he was calling him to be his successor, and Elisha knew that, and he started going with Elijah. Then he realized, wait a minute, I need to make sure my parents know I'm not dishonoring them.

I'm always going to look out for them. And when you read 1 Kings 19, verses 19 and 21, don't have time to turn to it, you'll see that he's told Elijah, I'll be with you in a moment. Elijah said, go on, do what you got to do. And he went back home, cooked for his parents. He was saying, I will always honor you.

While I'll be working with this guy, I'll never forget you. How well are you doing with honoring your parents? Do you call them? I call my mom every week the Lord sends, because one of these days I'm going to ring that phone and she won't be on the other end. And so I don't want to think, man, I hadn't talked to my mom in three years and then she died. No, no, no, no.

How well are you doing at things like that? And this is just a word for adult children. We're all familiar with the first commandment with promise, honor thy father and thy mother, but it also says in Proverbs 23 and verse 22, listen to your father who gave you life and don't despise your mother when she is old. Sometimes the things that annoyed us, irritated us when we were young and living in our parents' home and under their rule, so to speak, we might carry those things.

And when I'm grown, I can't wait until I'm grown and I'm going to do this and be this way. But scripture in the just talking about honoring as we get older, we learn to honor our parents as adult children by honoring God. When our relationship with our heavenly father is growing and we learn how to honor him, he makes sure that we're also learning how to honor our parents. And so that's why I like the scripture in Proverbs 23 and 22. Listen to your father who gave you life and don't despise your mother when she's old.

Amen. So let's think about honoring even when they die because some of us have parents who are already deceased. My dad's with the Lord and my mom's still here, but I'm glad I honored my dad right up till the day he died, called him, contacted him, even when he was getting fuzzy in the head and our talks weren't as clear as they had been when he was younger, but he knew that's his son on the phone. And I just wonder, hey man, just checking on you, pop, how you doing and what have you. Even if it was a kind of fuzzy conversation, I wanted him to know that he's covered. You're always on my mind, I got you covered.

If you ever need anything, I'm going to be there to do it. So much so when they die right up to the burial. I love the fact that the Bible tells us something very interesting about Abraham's death. When Abraham died, how many sons did he have? He had both Isaac and Ishmael, right? Ishmael and his mama had been put out decades ago. Well, I'll get to that, that's a different family dynamic. But Ishmael could have just gone off.

Well, you put me out of the house, forget you then. When Abraham died, he was buried by not only Isaac, but by Ishmael. It's right in your Bible, Genesis 25, verse nine is the reference. Both of his sons got together and buried their dad, which means Ishmael was intentional.

I got put out, but this is my dad, and he honored him literally after he died. So we're evaluating relationships. That's just some thought starters. You think about your own relationships. Now, as you evaluate key relationships, ask yourself questions like, should this relationship move forward as is?

Think about those key people that we just listed. Are any of those relationships, they're great just like they are, we just need to keep them moving forward and sustain what's going on that's good. And in some cases, that's all you do, is just recommit to remaining in a valuable place in their life. But some of us need to ask questions about certain relationships with this question.

Should this relationship be changed or adjusted in some way? Because some of us don't know how to change when it's adjustment time. Some of y'all only know how to either keep it as is or throw it away when trouble comes. Now, I know we're sitting here in your limb room, so don't worry about who else is listening in.

They're not listening in, just us. Sometimes you have been guilty of throwing people away because they made you mad or you got into some issue, and instead of resolving it in a way that would have glorified God, you just threw them away. Forget you then, bam, and they're gone. Have you ever thrown somebody away and didn't even ask God, should you do it?

Yeah, sip your Starbucks. And I'd just like to add here, I think so many of us, even believers, we have been guilty of this. A pastor asked the question, should this relationship be changed or adjusted in some way? Sometimes in order to maintain a relationship, the adjustment is one that you have to make. You have got to adjust your expectation because if you fail to do that, you will forever be wanting someone else to change to accommodate you, your preferences and your desires. So sometimes that adjustment means I have to make an adjustment.

I have to adjust my expectation. This person cannot provide whatever it is that you want from them. So in order to have a change but to maintain unity, it says in Ephesians four and three, endeavor or be diligent to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. You can't do that and throw away people.

So adjust your expectations and then you make the internal changes and that way you can keep relationships but without throwing people away. In Matthew 18, Jesus said something really important. He said, sometimes your brother or sister has offended you. They have trespassed against you in some way. They have violated you in some way. Those are the times when many of us just throw people away, done with you, because you hurt my feelings, you offended me, you disrespected me, whether we have a laundry list of things that we could charge people with.

Well, Jesus, he's our Lord, so we got to follow him. Jesus said when somebody offends you, read the next part of it starting in verse 15 of Matthew 18. It doesn't say when your brother or sister offends you, throw him away. What did he say?

He said, go and show what they did, go and show. Confrontations don't always go the way we plan. They can get messy even if we have the best of intentions, but when God calls us to do something, he makes us able to do it. If someone has wronged you, confront them with love and understanding.

Allow God to take care of the rest. Thanks for being here for this Monday edition of Destined for Victory and Pastor Paul Shepherd's message, Creating a Relational Legacy. Listen to any of Pastor Paul's recent messages on demand at pastorpaul.net.

That's pastorpaul.net. We're almost out of time, but before we go, I want to thank you for all you're doing to help Pastor Paul share the love of Jesus through the Destined for Victory broadcast. Your prayers and gifts have helped turn this into a worldwide ministry with a growing audience. In appreciation of your generous gift today, Pastor Paul will send you a booklet that goes hand in hand with the message you're hearing, Creating a Relational Legacy. Pastor Paul and Meredith spent three days talking about what God says about how we can improve and strengthen our personal relationships. That's the message you heard today and will continue to hear all this week.

Well, this booklet highlights the major themes in that message. It's called Creating a Relational Legacy, and it's our gift to you this month by request for your generous gift to Destined for Victory. Call 855-339-5500, or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. You can also mail your gift to Destined for Victory, Post Office Box 1767, Fremont, California 94538.

Again, our address is Destined for Victory, Box 1767, Fremont, California 94538. How well are you doing at going and showing? When somebody hurts your feelings, how well are you doing at saying, you know what, what you said to me really offended me, and I need you to know how I feel.

See, that takes a maturity some of us don't have. That's tomorrow when Pastor Paul Shepherd shares his message, Creating a Relational Legacy. Until then remember, he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are Destined for Victory. We'll see you next time, God bless you and God bless you.