Creating a Relational Legacy, Part 3 (cont'd)

Hello and welcome to another great week here on Destin for Victory with Pastor Paul Shepherd. Coming up next, Pastor Paul and his wife, Meredith, share their message, Creating a Relational Legacy.

But first Pastor Paul joins me now from his studio in California. Pastor, your ministry to us each day on the radio and with the various online sources for Destin for Victory is so encouraging. One more thing that you do though, you feel very strongly about this, is the monthly encouragement letter that goes out to everyone. Would you like to say a word about that?

Yeah, absolutely. The one letter I feel strongly about making sure we produce every month is an encouragement letter. And so I take some time and based on some teaching of that month, and occasionally it's not related to the teaching, just something that God's put on my heart in that particular time, I write a letter to let people know not only are we preaching messages, but we're really trying to impact your life and help you with application. Because again, our ministry exists to help people know God's Son, apply God's Word, and fulfill God's purpose. And my encouragement letter is designed to help you know Him, apply His Word, fulfill His purpose. And so I feel strongly about it and I want to encourage people who are not on our mailing list to please take a moment and let us know, hey, I'd love to get the letter. It's absolutely free of charge. No obligation for it.

No obligation at all. We will take care of the stamp and everything. All you got to do is let us know. We can reach you. We'd be happy to send it to you. We can also send it to you by email. And it's important for you to be encouraged month by month. And so please let us do that. Get in touch with us. Give us your email and your mailing address so we can get in touch with you on a monthly basis. Well, the word encouragement means to give someone support, confidence, or hope, and sometimes all three. And that's what Pastor Paul seeks to do each month with these letters of encouragement. Sign up today at pastorpaul.net.

That's pastorpaul.net. Your life is not over because somebody else died or somebody hurt you. You've got to move forward with your life. So what do we do? To move on, we resolve. You make up your mind. Quit waiting to feel, I just feel so horrible.

Yeah. Do something to stop feeling horrible. If you distance yourself from God when people leave you or hurt you, your faith was in people, not God. Today on Destined for Victory, Pastor Paul Shepherd and his wife, Meredith, offer a few practical keys to help us move on with our lives when people move on from our lives.

And here's the very first step you just decide to. With their message, Creating a Relational Legacy, here are Pastor Paul and Meredith Shepherd. Moving on can be painful. I personally have struggled with that.

And I've shared that with you in previous installments of this message. But moving on, realizing that a relationship has come to an end, especially when you know it was not a God thing, when it wasn't handled in a Godly way, it's just a fallout and people moved on and they kicked you to the curb. They dropped you. They hurt you.

You hurt them. It came to an ugly end and you never got it right. But sometimes you just have to move on.

You can't stay stuck in that place. And that's why I love the way Naomi and Orpah departed from one another. That was such a gracious goodbye. Naomi prayed over her. She wished her well.

She gave a benediction and a blessing. They wept together. They embraced. There was an exchange of affection.

And then they parted company. And I think of times, we don't do this much anymore because we buy jelly and preserves and things, but we can enjoy the fruit of a season long after that season is over. You have strawberries. And I had a friend who made wonderful strawberry jam. And to have that long after strawberries are in season, it was just wonderful.

So there's the same thing. Think about a tree like an apple tree. So you had these apples. The tree is no longer there, but you harvested the fruit from that tree.

And you can make applesauce, apple butter, apple pie, apple jam, apple jelly, whatever. You can enjoy the fruit of a season long after that season is over. So don't just throw away the memory and nurse the hurt.

Think about how it blessed and benefited you at a time and hold on to that memory. Enjoy the fruit of that season. And then remember Ecclesiastes chapter three and verse one, it says to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. I had to hold on to that scripture because I didn't like friendships that seemed like that season was over because I'm thinking if we are in Christ Jesus, why has it ended like this? This is so not God's will.

This is not kingdom behavior. But I had to realize when I see the word season in scripture, I have to go to God and say, okay, this was just a season. It was good while it lasted. And then I have to say, if there has been an abrupt unfinished painful parting, I will always speak well of you. I will not talk about you behind your back. This is how I'm going to move on. I'm not going to drag your name through the streets.

I'm not going to sling mud. I'm not going to talk about what you did that contributed to the breakdown of our relationship. Tell the whole wide world how you ghosted me and didn't return my calls and all the things, all my overtures and trying to reach out and mend. No, I will just speak well of you and I will glorify God in the memory of what once was. That's good.

That's good. Now sometimes we have to move on from something that was so deeply painful that it disrupted the flow of our lives and if we let it, it'll disrupt our future. And I want to say before we go to the final part of this fireside chat about moving on, I want to say sometimes you have to say that was painful to lose, that was painful to part from, but now I've got to go on. I've known people who when a loved one, a significant person in their life died for all practical purposes, they died too. They went on living physically, but they changed and never recovered because they didn't do the work necessary to move on. You're not honoring your deceased loved one by dying slowly.

You got to honor them by saying, hey, I'm going to do what you used to do. I'm going to finish the work. I'm going to do something good. And one of these days I'm going to see you in glory.

You got to make that decision. David shows us that. You remember King David in the worst season of his life when he got with Bathsheba, killed her husband. I mean because when he went wrong, he went way wrong. That's why I love the Bible because it got people we can all relate to.

I've seen thugs say, I ain't never done it that bad. Not only did he sleep with the man's wife, he killed the man. Right in your Bible. God wants us to know you got stuff to deal with. And in 2 Samuel 12, you see the story of God sending a prophet named Nathan.

Y'all know that story. If you haven't read 2 Samuel 12, Nathan shows up and tells him a story. David gets mad about the story only for Nathan to say, well, you the man in the story.

And then he went on to prophesy, thus saith the Lord, told him. And David repented. At the end of the day, you got to repent. When you're wrong, being wrong isn't fatal unless you fail to repent. And so, yes, being wrong isn't fatal, doesn't have to be fatal, but you must repent.

What makes it fatal is when you refuse to repent because then your sin is on you. So Nathan said, you have repented and God has taken your sin away. But then Nathan said, because of what happened, God's going to respond to this by not letting the child you just had, she's pregnant and she had this child and y'all thought you were just going to live your lives. And he said, no, the baby's going to die.

And so what happens? David fasts in praise there in 2 Samuel 12, fasts in praise requesting that the child's life be spared. In verses 16 and 17, you see that. And then in verses 18 and 19, you see that David sees his staff whispering over on the side. He'd been laying there.

He'd been praying and fasting, not eating, not washing up, nothing. He'd just been laying before God. And he sees over in the corner of the room, he sees them whispering.

And David's a smart man. He's like, oh. So he says, wait a minute, is my child dead? And somebody got to tell him the truth.

Go ahead, you tell him. Somebody said, yes, King, he has died. Notice verse 20. This is what some of y'all got to do. So David arose from the ground. Time for some of y'all to get up. What happened, happened. The worst happened. Yes, it did happen. It was disappointing. It was tragic.

But it happened. He arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself. Some of y'all need to wash up. Change his clothes. Stop looking frumpy and pitiful. Go on and live your life. Went into the house of the Lord, watch this, and worshiped.

What's all this? I don't feel like church. You need church because you need the God who will meet you in the sanctuary or streaming.

And you need to have a heart of worship. Your life is not over because somebody else died or somebody hurt you. You've got to move forward with your life. So what do we do to move on?

We resolve. You make up your mind. Quit waiting to feel. I just feel so horrible. Yeah.

Do something to stop feeling horrible. Don't go away. The rest of today's Destined for Victory message with Pastor Paul and Meredith Shepherd is coming right up. Listen to the broadcast on demand at pastorpaul.net. That's pastorpaul.net, where you'll find a host of great resources at our online store, including books and DVD messages from Pastor Paul. But right now, I invite you to listen closely to the second half of today's Destined for Victory message, Creating a Relational Legacy.

Once again, here are Pastor Paul and Meredith Shepherd. I have an uncle who recently lost his wife of 40-some years. I got to learn how to live without somebody who's been in my life all this time. And he's figuring it out. And the other day, he just went to a mall in his city and just walked around a while and got lunch. He said, if I keep thinking about, oh, we would be doing this and we would be doing that and we would, well, now I got to learn to do it without her.

Or walk around and say, boy, if she saw that, I bet you I'd know what she'd say. You got to make yourself move. Get moving.

Nobody arrives at destiny in neutral. You only arrive at your destiny when you take the gear of your life and shift it from park or neutral into drive. For God's sake, don't go into reverse. And it's not going to feel good at first. This is something really powerful that my therapist told me.

At the end of a relationship that's come to a painful end, when you resume doing those things that you used to do with a friend, watch out for the pain that that's going to bring up. It's a different kind of pain. And it's not what you're going through. It's what you're growing through.

So just like a pastor's uncle, how he's doing things that he used to do with his wife, now he has to learn how to do it by himself. It's a different kind of pain. It's the pain of healing.

It's growing pains. So beloved, make sure you're not just going through. Make sure you are growing through.

Do the things that are going to minister life and enjoyment and quality of life for you. Amen. Amen. So resolve to move on. Build strong relationships with people who can help you move on, who will just call you, what you doing? Nothing.

Well, come on. I'm about to run by and let's go do such and such a thing. They're helping you move.

Get your life in gear and move forward. Don't have bunch of inner circle folk who's, what you doing? Nothing.

And then that's all. If I tell you I'm doing nothing, it's not that you got to always be busy. It's just that even when I'm resting, I'm not doing nothing.

I'm resting because I'm living a productive life and this downtime is productive. Make sure the people in your life are productive, moving toward destiny and you can't get there in park or in neutral. One more thing and we're done with our fireside chat. In addition to addressing the pain of the past, in addition to resolving to move forward, you got to manage your expectations of your current and any future relationships. I have learned that people get really messed up when they have relationships that are hindered, damaged or destroyed because a person in their life did not meet up to expectations and when you examine it, they never met at the point of deciding about the expectations. Let me tell you what I mean by that. Here's a two-part rule that I live by and I want to encourage you to live by. Number one, no expectation is valid unless the other person has honestly agreed to try to live up to it. Don't expect something from me I didn't sign off on. Think this through now.

Whole lot of folk. Well, when I got married, I thought he would be like my daddy. My daddy always did this for my mother.

All my life, I saw my daddy. That's what a husband is to me. When I married him, he the exact opposite of my daddy and I'm sick of this man. Question, did you marry your daddy? Of course not. Next question, did you tell him that you thought a husband was exactly like your daddy and then explain who your daddy was? No. Then why are you judging him based on your daddy? People do it all the time. They do it with friendships.

I thought a friend, if you're a friend, you don't define what a friend is by yourself. I got to weigh in on that if I'm going to be party to the relationship. Have you ever read about Jonathan and David's meeting? When you get a chance, read about it. When Jonathan and David came together, the Bible says their souls were knit together, but they didn't just go with the knitting of their souls, we just vibe. You meet some folk and you just feel like this is a divine appointment. Yes, there are some people, God himself will bring them into your life.

That doesn't mean everything's going to be automatic. What is he going to tell you? It tells you that they broke covenant with each other. Jonathan, who was the wealthy of the two, because he's the king's son, he began to divest and he gave this and that and the other to David.

He said, because I want us to be on even par as we walk together. He divested and David invested in him and the two of them were knit together, so much so that in David's worst season of life, his covenant brother Jonathan met him when he was on the run from Saul, when he was a fugitive. Saul's own son Jonathan said, I got to go look out for my boy, because years ago we said we were going to walk together no matter what.

He lived out that covenant and encouraged David when Saul was trying to kill him. You can't have expectations that the other person didn't sign off on. Now, here's the other part of my two-part rule. Not only is the first part no expectation is valid unless the other person has honestly agreed to try to live up to it, but the second part is even if they agree to try to live up to it, you must be prepared for the possibility that they may not. You ever had somebody say, oh yeah, okay, I'm going to do that.

I'm going to do that for you. Then they don't come through for whatever reason. It's not always because they hate you.

It's not always because they didn't mean it when they said it. I've preached it for decades. Diana Ross meant it when she said if you need me, call me no matter where you are, no matter how far. Just call my name.

I'll be there in a hurry. On that you can depend and never worry. No wind, no rain, no winter's cold can stop me, baby, if you're my goal. You all were saved when that was out. You all didn't listen to it.

I was saved, but I did listen to it. Ain't no mountain high enough. Ain't no valley low enough. Ain't no river wide enough to keep me from getting to you.

She meant that. You live long enough, you're going to go through something you need them, and they on the other side of the mountain. The best they can do is text you and say, you know I love you, right? I can't get there. You be strong.

Send. Sometimes they love you, but that's the best they can do. You all remember later on, Dionne Warwick, her, Stevie Wonder, Gladys Knight, Elton John. You all remember that? Keep smiling. Keep shining. Knowing you can always count on me for sure. That's what friends are for. In good times and bad times, I'll be on your side forevermore. They meant that. Stand up there singing Stevie Wonder during the blind man rock. They meant that, but you keep living, there's going to be some folk who can't keep smiling, keep shining, because they busy or they just don't have the chops to help you out at the point of your need.

Sometimes people, it's just humanity. You remember that cup bearer Joseph helped in prison? And Joseph, when he gave him the interpretation of the dream, said, you're going to get your job back. You're going to be working for the king in a few days. He said, now when you get back into the king's room, I want you to remember me. Tell him about me.

That's a reasonable request. And the cup bearer said, okay man, got you. He got back.

My man was so glad to have his job. He forgot, the Bible tells you, he forgot all about. Now you can hate people the rest of your life. They didn't see that, that's why I don't deal with people. Oh yeah, that's a mature response.

You ever see these people on a judge show at the end of it when they be interviewed after Judge Judy kicked out there. See that's why I'm doing it. Here's the lesson, never trust people. What?

That's no lesson, that's stupidity. We got to trust, but you don't put ultimate trust in anybody but God. You got to manage those expectations. And that's where Psalm 62 and five has got to become a foundational verse in your arsenal. You have to remember it says, the Psalmist said, my soul waits silently for God alone for my expectation is from him. God is the only one, the only friend who will never disappoint, never harm, let you down.

I love the chorus to a song. One of the songwriters says he never will forsake, for me he'll undertake, his word he cannot break because he is God and our earthly friends are not. So they're not supposed to meet every single need and meet every expectation of your life because if they did, we would not need the Lord.

God will see to it that we are always in a position to need him and then hopefully we grow and heal to a place where we desire him above all of our relationships. And the only way that we can leave a relational legacy that is healthy and holy is when our expectation is in the Lord and he is our best and kindest friend. Amen. Amen. Amen.

Amen. Thanks for being here for today's message, Creating a Relational Legacy. This message is part of Pastor Paul's teaching series, Keeping the End in Mind. Look for it online at pastorpaul.net.

That's pastorpaul.net. Destined for Victory exists only through the faithful prayer and financial support of friends like you. And when you send a generous gift to Destined for Victory, we'll gladly send you by request, Pastor Paul Shepherd's booklet, Creating a Relational Legacy. That's Creating a Relational Legacy, a companion guide to the message you've heard today and our gift to you for your generous donation to Destined for Victory. So please call 855-339-5500 or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. You can also mail your gift to Destined for Victory, Post Office Box 1767, Fremont, California, 94538.

Once again, the address, Destined for Victory, Box 1767, Fremont, California, 94538. The thing that excites me really about Hebrews 11 is that these people are not special people at all. And what that tells me is that to be in God's Hall of Fame, you don't have to be anybody special. You can be jacked up and be in the Hall of Fame.

And guess what? That means we all qualify. Best next time in Pastor Paul Shepherd's message, you're in training. But until then, remember, he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are Destined for Victory.