Jesus Unfiltered - Follow - No More Shame, Part 2

One of the most sensitive areas in all of our lives is our sexuality. Thoughts we have, things we've seen, things we've done, and often our sexuality is wrapped in shame, often in guilt. God does not want you to live with shame. Stay with me today as I share a story of a close friend delivered out of the shame of sexual immorality. Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

Living on the Edge is an international teaching and discipleship ministry motivating Christians to live like Christians. Today you'll hear the remainder of Chip's message, No More Shame, from our series, Jesus Unfiltered. But before he dives in, let me encourage you to use Chip's message notes while you listen. They contain his outline, scripture references, and much more.

Download them under the Broadcasts tab at livingontheedge.org. App listeners tap Fill In Notes. So if you have your notes in Bible handy, join Chip in John Chapter 8 as he continues unpacking how we are to biblically act, handle, and respond to sexual sin. I was speaking to a friend, getting to know each other really, really well, and part of his history, he was in full-time ministry. He had an affair that went on for a significant amount of time. He lost his wife, and he lived in that situation. He lived with the lie. He lived with the pain.

He lived with all the things. This is right, but this is where I'm at. There's like these two forces, and one pulls at you so strong of what you're experiencing in the sexual sin, and the other pulls at you. You know this is right, and you want to confess. You want to make it right with God. And he said, I so wanted to do this, but honestly, I thought God would forgive me, but I just wasn't very sure about the church. I just didn't know how I'd be received. I just thought I don't know that I want to go there. I got an email from Kendall, and she shared with me a little bit more of their journey, and I will tell you that Dave and Kendall's journey may be in the top 1% of the most wonderful moments I've ever had in ministry in my life of seeing the body of Christ act and respond in the beauty and the power that God calls us to, and see a man and a woman courageously deal with pain and be completely restored.

I want to share a bit of what she shared with me, and I want you to listen very carefully because here's what I know. 50% of the men in this room are involved in pornography right now. About 30 or 35% of 18 to 30-year-olds are currently sleeping together or living together who are born-again Christians. And by the way, it's not restricted to them.

That's just where we have the stats. Sexual sin is epidemic in our culture, and it's now epidemic inside the church. And I think lots of people's souls are stuck, but I want you to hear the inward journey. Kendall writes, the night Dave shared with me about his unfaithfulness, he took full responsibility for his actions. He shared openly and honestly. In that moment, God brought clarity and perspective to my heart. I, too, had come to a place of deep despair and lack of trust in God after Dave's chronic pain diagnosis and the loss of our baby.

Kendall says, God opened my eyes to my pain as I looked at this man I'd known for 15 years, and I saw a man that was so broken and hurting, so desperate to get out of physical and emotional pain, so responsible for his actions, asking for forgiveness, all I could say is God would not let me turn him away or reject him. I told him that I loved him and that I forgave him, and I would be willing to work through this with him. We talked a lot that night, and I knew immediately there would be significant consequences for his job.

I knew he'd be resigning, and I also know he would need to do it publicly. I'd seen this done both well and very poorly in churches, but I believed our church would respond well to us. I wanted Dave to be able to take ownership of his behavior and then demonstrate in real life the things that we taught the high school ministry and claim to believe. I was also in need of support, and I knew going somewhere else would be very difficult.

Listen to this. I believe the people of our church who had already demonstrated their love and support over us over the last years would do the same things. I believe they would see in Dave what I saw in him. The next week Dave shared in front of the ministry in the high school that he'd crossed the sexual boundary and be resigning. I asked to go up so that we could pray with them for Dave and see the faces of those that we loved, and in a sense it was our last opportunity to lead through how we responded to failure.

The next weekend an announcement was made, and Dave's letter was read to nearly 3,000 people in attendance in the weekend services. We didn't go to church that day, but the following Sunday, talk about courage, the following Sunday they didn't run. They didn't hide. They didn't repress.

They didn't try to make up for it. The following Sunday we made our ways down the halls into the worship center as we'd done every week for the last eight years. The first Sunday back I was anxiously confident. I believe people would respond lovingly toward us, but I also knew it's hard to handle, and some people probably can't. I was so grateful for the families and friends that demonstrated their love for us that first week and the next couple of months and now years. People we had known for many years would see us across the worship center or down the hall, and they would come right up to us encouraging Dave and sharing their support and love for me and encouraging me to still meet with their students, and they just loved us without asking details or questions or judging us. Our friends protected us. They protected our privacy. They honored us in a way that I'll forever be grateful for. They continue to be people that we meet with on a regular basis for community and accountability.

Their acts of kindness and love allowed us the opportunity to heal in our own time, in our own way, without shame and without embarrassment. Do you hear the hope? I've been a Christian since I was 12, and I've walked with God through some very difficult times.

Listen carefully. God is going to ask those of you and those of us who are involved in sin, but specifically sexual sin, to come clean the way Dave did, and here's what you will experience from God. I've been through difficult times, but I have never experienced the intimacy and the gentle love of God in ways that I have in this season of my life. His presence has been so real, it's almost tangible. Through His Word, His people, His creation, He's undeniably spoken into my life, gently meeting me and slowly walking me through deep places of pain and fear and shame and giving direction and clarity and hope and perspective. The process of obedient surrender has been slow and not without missteps and failures, but I see the trajectory of life is heading toward wholeness and intimacy in my relationship with God and with Dave. How does healing like this really occur?

What's the process? How do you move from simply experiencing forgiveness and knowing in your heart you've asked God to forgive you? How do you get to where there's a level of courage that you can own some stuff and get some stuff in the open in the appropriate way with the appropriate people and be forgiven, but then be restored?

To have your soul set free, to have the guilt and the depression. David sinned sexually, and for a year, no one knew about it. Psalm 32, you might jot it down, and some of you will read it and go, that's me. He said, when I was silent about my sin, it was oppressive.

It was like being in a desert. Literally, as you read Psalm 32, here's a man who's clinically depressed. When we deny, when we shove down, when we repress stuff in our soul, especially sexual sin, it erodes your soul.

It'll destroy you from the inside out. And finally, he's confronted, and in Psalm 51, you get this picture of a man who experiences the gentle, intimacy, grace of God. Friday morning, as I was praying, God really tapped me on the shoulder. You know, my sermon's done. I've got it all set. It's in the folder. The notes are done.

They're printed. And I really sensed, at first, just a whisper from the Holy Spirit. Chip, this is so much bigger than you think. I want to heal people this weekend. I want this to be a weekend of liberation and freedom and no more shame. Do you realize how rare it is that an actual church body has done what the Bible says?

Loved, supported, encouraged, doesn't judge, helped. Do you see this? This is an amazing picture. This is the hope that everyone wants. Chip, do you understand? It's not statistics. These are real people, and there's some of them that are depressed. There's some of them that are currently having a affair. There's some of them that are logged onto porn. There's some that are having homosexual issues and other heterosexual issues. There's others that, it's about verbal stuff.

There's others that are older and no one thinks, but boy, they have these lustful thoughts. Sexual sin is an addiction. You might be asking, why take this much time? I want to take this much time because this is a victory I want to celebrate.

There really is hope. And I want to take this much time because when sexual sin has a hold of your soul, it not only does something very devastating to you, it impacts your relationships and it cuts you off from the grace and the power of God in significant ways. You won't be fruitful. You won't experience love and joy and peace and patience and goodness and kindness and gentleness. God will not use you even remotely like he wants to.

He'll honor some gifts and honor his word. But there is no hope for the world out there until there's a revolution inside of the world in here. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and we'll continue the second volume of our Jesus Unfiltered series titled Follow in just a second. But let me ask you, do you feel bombarded by negative, depressing, or even sinful thoughts? If you want some help overcoming them, join us after the teaching as Chip talks about the importance of renewing our minds with God's word and highlights a resource that can help you take every thought captive. Stick around to learn more.

Well, with that, here again is Chip. And so I want to talk to you about why sexual sin is so devastating and how to get out of it, okay? The research they've done, by the way, this isn't about I'm going to try really hard one more time.

Trying hard doesn't work. The studies they've done on those hooked on pornography, it is as addictive as cocaine, crack cocaine, or heroin. And when you study the brain of men and women who over a prolonged period of time who are watching and hooked on pornography, the changes in what happens in your brain are exactly the same. And therefore, what it does to your life, what it does to your thinking, what it does to your relationships, it's not some casual sin that doesn't have any impact on anyone else. I'm going to ask you to turn in your Bibles to 1 Corinthians chapter 6, and I'll read without significant comment a passage that outlines what the Bible says sexual sin does to us and why.

Because what's happened is we're in a day now where people, it's not that big a deal. I mean, I know, you know, we all have our issues. I love God. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. I just have this problem. And I'm not hurting anybody.

I just log on to here or, you know, I'm in an unloving relationship and, you know, so what, I'm having an affair. It's the only one thing that, and we have totally redefined God's standards. I mean, you know, God understands it's just economically more feasible to live together at this stage of our life than live separately.

Yeah. What's the big deal? If you'll pick it up at chapter 9, here's the big deal. Chapter 6, I'm sorry, verse 9. Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? And then he outlines, so what's wickedness in God's eyes? Don't be deceived. So, I mean, we could actually think these things aren't wicked.

Yes. Don't be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral or idolaters or adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swinders will inherit the kingdom of God. So he doesn't just say some sexual sins.

I mean, this sort of the ground looks pretty even. Those kind of sins habitually practiced, you will not inherit eternal life. And that is what some of you were. That's not you now, but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and by the spirit of our God. That's who you were. Those behaviors can't be a part of your future. You're not an idolater, adulterer, you're not a sex slave of any kind. You're a son, you're a daughter, you've been washed, you are clean, he loves you.

And then notice he goes on. He says, everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.

Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord and the Lord for the body. The logic, I mean, it was a super sexually permissive place.

It's Corinth. I mean, you could get any kind of sex any way that you wanted at any time. The temples and the prostitutes, heterosexual, homosexual, for all kinds, you name it, you got it. And the logic was, wait a second, we're new Christians now, but legitimate desires should be filled. When I'm hungry for food, I should eat. When I'm thirsty, I should drink something. When I want to have sex, go have sex. And the Apostle Paul is saying, I'm breaking the logic.

Why? By his power, God raised the Lord from the death, and he will also raise us. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? You have real union with him. Shall I take the members of Christ and unite them with the prostitute?

Never. Do you not know that he who unites himself with the prostitute is one with her in body? For it's said the two become one flesh, but he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in the spirit.

Do you get the idea? If you're a follower of Jesus, you're one with him. His body belongs to you. He loves you. There's this union with him. Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you? Whom you have received from God? You're not your own. You were bought with a price, therefore honor God with your body.

He's saying it's not about what's convenient, it's not your opinion, it's not what you think. And what I can tell you is all the research, all the research that we have just absolutely supports this. What's the big deal?

You know, we love one another, we need to try it out. I heard a woman last night. This is very timely. My son came to me. He grew up in a Christian home, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He told me he and his girlfriend are looking for an apartment because there's schooling and economics.

Well, here's what you need to tell your son. This is what God says regardless of what he thinks. And by the way, live with your girlfriend and whether you eventually get married or not, ten years from now, longitudinal secular study, only one out of ten couples will be together ten years later. Because when you live together, what you're saying is, let's try it out but not make a commitment. And what keeps people together and brings real intimacy is the very commitment.

The very thing you're afraid of is the thing that will cause it to fail. And God knows that he created sex so there's glue in a relationship and there's a sense that I'll never leave you, I'm going to betray you. It's the sealing of a covenant. And it's for our emotional good, it's for our relational good, it's for our physical good. And so he says flee sexual immorality. You never slide out of sexual immorality. You don't like say, okay, wow, I think God's really speaking to me.

You know what, I think, let's see, next Friday. How do you, I mean the word, it's a command, flee. And here's what I can tell you. There's a few rare moments in your life, and one of them is right now, where God is speaking to some of you, and it's getting increasingly clear and there's a war going on in your mind. Oh, wow, what about, ooh, if she found out, ooh, what about this, ooh, the implications here, this might mean, and the Spirit of God is going, come, come home, come home. You'll be so glad you did, and everything's going, what about, what about, what about, what about my, and so I want to give you a very practical way to come home. Jesus is saying to you, neither do I condemn you, Grace. Go and sin no more, and the question is how.

When the prodigal son came to his senses, he turned, and where did he come? Home. I want to give you a little acronym that is just a quick way to know how to come home.

The H is for honesty. Jot this down, okay. Just write this, H-O-M-E, and I'm going to give you something very clear, and then I'm going to give you a chance to act on it today. You might jot down Psalm 145, 18. The Lord is near to those who call upon Him, to those who call upon Him in truth. God will listen to you. David would say in Psalm 51, God desires truth in the innermost being.

Later he would say, if there was a way to earn my way back or make up for it or do some burnt offering, I would have done it, but the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a contrite heart, a broken spirit and contrite heart. Oh, God, you will not despise. If you'll get honest, and it's the first step, I mean, you'll experience God like never before. He'll give you the power.

He'll take care of the future. Don't worry about what's going to happen or all the implications or will he understand, will she understand, what about this, what about that. Just get honest. It's painfully difficult to do.

The O is for openness. You will not ever be freed from sexual sin until you get it out of the secret world. Secrets have power.

Secrets destroy your life. That's why all through Scripture, the deeds of darkness. Jot down, if you would, 1 John, because I want you to look at these later. 1 John 1, verses 5 and 6. If we say we have fellowship with him, Jesus, and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and the truth is not in us.

But if we walk in the light as even he himself is in the light, the blood of Jesus keeps on continuously freeing and forgiving us. You've got to get this out in the open. You've got to just do it. You've got to come clean.

You've got to get it out in the open. Can I ask you a question right now? Because some of you are going, ooh.

As you listen to Dave and Kendall, did anybody think less of them? Did anyone look at that and go, wow? Or down deep in your heart, see, whenever grace and truth come together, down deep in your heart, something inside say, I wish I had the courage to do what I know is right. See, because the truth is I wish, yeah, I kind of wish this could happen, except I wouldn't be too excited about, you know, if we had like four different colored lights of different sins and like sexual sin could be a red light and anyone who had that, then a light would go right over your head. I mean, it would really be great, it really would, because what would happen is you'd go, oh, my God, are you kidding me? We've got 95 groups we've got to start tomorrow, you know? And then, you know, green, green would be the greed, greed and sin. Ooh, boy, I guess, right? See, this idea you have that all these people in this room are making so much more progress, there's the power of the Christian life is God fills clean vessels, not perfect ones, clean ones.

You got to get it out in the open. The M is for mentor. You will not do this alone. Jot down Hebrews 3.13. But encourage one another day after day as long as it is still called today.

Least any one of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. If you know anyone who's been through a 12-step program, anyone who's gotten serious in realizing their weight issue or their sex or their alcoholism or their shopping and they got really serious about it, what you realize is the root cause is never the symptom. And the only way you make progress is you get honest, then you get open, then you got to get with some people and you got to walk the journey.

And you need the encouragement, not like once a year. This isn't like, okay, I heard it. It's me and God. I'll start reading the Bible more.

Oh, wait a second. I've said this 44 times in the last 43 days. It won't work.

You can't do this alone. And see, what keeps you from? What is it that keeps you from? I've had guys tell me I've driven 30, 40, 50 miles to celebrate recovery or to different groups somewhere.

Because of the shame they feel that if someone knew, we got to get over that. The final E is for exit. You do not slide out of sexual sin. Jot down Matthew 5, 27 to 30. Jesus is talking about adultery. You have said do not commit adultery. But I say to you, if you lust for a woman, you've committed adultery already with your heart. Long before psychology, Jesus is saying everything starts with the mind and then here's his application.

Are you ready for this? He says, so how do you deal with this? How do you deal with what happens inside of a man or a woman's mind when there's lust for a woman? He goes, if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. If your eye causes you to sin, poke it out. You're thinking, I'm glad I didn't go to that message.

Now wait a second. It's very clear he's not being literal because watch this. If I cut off my right hand and my problem is stealing or some sort of sexual sin, I can actually do that with my left. And if I poke out my right eye, I can lust with my left. Do you know what he's saying here, the idiom of the day? Be as drastic as you need to be to deal with this as radically as you need to deal with it. Be as drastic as you need to be. So some of you here are involved in an affair.

Some it's physical, some it's emotional. Stop today. Exit. By the way, not an email, not a text, not a meeting.

They don't work. A quick phone call. I'm very sorry.

It ends today. God has spoken to me. This isn't good for you. It's not good for me. I don't want to see you again. I'm sorry. I won't pick up the phone. I won't answer emails.

I will not meet you. It's done. Those of you that are hooked on pornography, you need today to someone say, here's my phone. Here's the TV. Here's my computer.

Put a password on it that I don't know. I'm sending an email to the church or I'm finding a program or I'm going to go to a Christian. But today, you won't slide out of this. And here's the thing. In this window or this moment right now when we're together as God speaks, if you choose and act and do it today, God will deliver. By Monday, 24 hours later, the probability of you actually obeying will probably drop about 75%. And pretty soon, well, you know, it seemed really right, but I don't think God, you know, Chip does get a little over the top and I'm not sure that passage really means, right? We are liars.

We are deniers. And your soul will stay in prison. I'd like you to close your eyes if you would and I just want you to hear Jesus saying, please come home, please come home, please come home.

I want to forgive, restore, make you whole. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and the message you just heard, No More Shame, is from the second volume of our Jesus Unfiltered series, Follow. Chip will join us in studio to share some insights from today's talk in just a minute. When Jesus called his disciples, he used two simple words, follow me. So what does it look like to follow Jesus today? Well, join us as we uncover the answer as Chip opens his Bible to a section in the Gospel of John. Learn what chapters 6 through 10 tell us about being content, humble, bold, and in awe of Christ's power and how all of those ideas tie into our decision to follow Jesus.

You're not going to want to miss a single program. Well, Chip's in studio here with me now, and Chip, you know many believers, even though they know they've been forgiven, feel burdened by past sins or behaviors and really struggle with that idea of shame you talked about today. What encouragement do you have for them?

Dave, that is more common than you would think. Yes, the Bible says all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, but the Bible also says that when we confess our sins, He's faithful and just to not only forgive us, but cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Unfortunately, some have a very sensitive conscience, and others really are plagued with some things that have happened, some pictures in their mind or things that they've done in the past that the enemy uses to constantly bring about this condemnation and this discouragement. And so what we've developed to combat those kind of things is what we call truth cards. And in these truth cards, what we've done is we've developed the common lies that we as followers of Jesus tend to believe, and we identify them, and then right after that, we put the truth. And as you do that, you can break the chain of these condemning thoughts that people struggle with.

Well, let me give you an example. One lie is, God could never accept me or really use my life after the terrible things that I've done. And then you flip over the card, and here's the truth. Jesus loves me no matter what I've done, because He loved the outcast woman at the well and sent her to spread the good news. God wants to share His love through me. John 4.39. I want you to know that you don't have to live with the guilt of the past, and these truth cards are a tool that can help you get that victory.

Amen, Chip. Well, to order your set of our Gospel of John truth cards, go to LivingOnTheEdge.org or call us at 888-333-6003. As you read through and meditate on these 21 cards, you'll expose the lies we've bought or fallen into and replace them with the rock-solid truth of God's Word. To learn more about this helpful tool, visit LivingOnTheEdge.org or call 888-333-6003.

App listeners, tap Special Offers. Well, here again is Chip to share some practical application from this message. As we wrap up today's program, believe me, I understand that a lot of people are both uncomfortable and convicted and some of you just yearning and hopeful. I hope the stats are completely wrong about men, that half of all the men in the church visit Triple X websites at least once a month and have pornography addictions. But here's what I want to tell you.

There is hope. Let me go over that little acronym for you to get home. Home with God, home with your heart, home with the people that you love. The H is for honest. Just own your stuff, just get real with God.

He's not shocked. Tell him and get real. Two is open up. You have to tell someone. As scary as it is, you have to get it on the table because the enemy is holding you hostage. The M is for find a mentor. You need help. No one is going to break sexual addiction, or any addiction for that matter, on their own.

And the E is exit. You literally have to make a dramatic, whether it's pornography, whether it's an illicit relationship, whether it's an affair, you just have to exit. And before you just feel overwhelmed with getting honest and opening up and finding a mentor and exiting, I just have to tell you of the scores and scores of men and women that I get to experience here and I've had in my past of people that have overcome pornography, people that have lived through the affair, who have reconciled. Here's what I want to tell you. If you'll be honest and take the first step, there is hope.

This doesn't have to define or ruin your life. Encouraging word, Chip, thanks. And as we close, would you pray for those feeling challenged to respond to Chip's encouragement right now?

There's always a spiritual battle when we feel prompted to draw near to God. Thanks for taking a minute to do that. And if there's a way we can pray for you, let us know. Call 888-333-6003 or email chip at livingontheedge.org. We'd love to hear from you. Until next time, this is Dave Druey saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.