My Search for a Father's Love (Part 2 of 2)

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Find out how to receive your free consultation at HopeRestored.com. Part of my purpose in calling is just seeing the captive set free, healing the brokenhearted, you know, breaking the chains, just all of these different, I could just hear, you know, all of these verses in my head and felt like, yeah, that's, that's what we have to do. Lindsay Snyder describing how God got a hold of her life and gave her a passion to serve others who are struggling as she did for so many years. This is Focus on the Family with your host, Focus President and author Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller. John, last time we shared a powerful conversation that you and I recorded with Lindsay Snyder. She's the president and owner of the popular In-N-Out Burger Restaurant chain that's headquartered in Southern California. They have several hundred restaurants scattered over the western part of the United States and recently they've opened a handful of restaurants here in Colorado.

We are very glad about that. I'll tell you, my son Troy and I, it's probably too often we say, hey, you want to go get In-N-Out? Yeah, dad, let's go. But what most people don't know is about the incredible challenges Lindsay faced as a girl, as a teenager, as a 20-something. And it started with the death of her beloved father when she was 17 years old and how that led to a downward spiral in her life, pursuing relationship after relationship in search of that true love. And I know many people listening to us right now can relate to that. Maybe you have that checkered past that you're not proud of and you wonder if God can ever truly forgive you for the mistakes and bad decisions that you've made along the way.

And if that describes you, I urge you to contact us here at Focus on the Family. We have caring Christian counselors who want to give you a different perspective, a godly perspective, about how you can experience forgiveness and restoration and new hope for the future, just like Lindsay did. And if you missed the program last time, boy, let me encourage you to get the CD from us or the download, the smartphone app, however you can do it. It was so encouraging and inspiring.

It really was. So we urge you to check that out and contact us if you need more details or if you'd like to speak to one of those Christian counselors that Jim just referenced. Our phone number is 800, the letter A in the word family, or check the episode notes. We've got all the details there. Now, today, we're going to share part two of our conversation with Lindsay Snyder.

And about halfway through, we'll introduce you to her husband, Shawn. Man, we have talked about some really tough stuff. And the Lord, I think the amazing thing in all of your story is just God's grace, right? And it reminds me of something that somebody said to me just the other day, that God's love for us is unchanging. He loved you when you were not close to him, the same as you are close to him.

It's hard to fathom that God's love is that consistent and we just don't realize it, right? Let's go back to that point where you were struggling. I think you described it kind of being in that pit and you'd already had a couple of marriages and now you felt trapped in this third kind of toxic relationship. And I think you described your spirit as just being crushed and crying out quietly, I'm sure. And in the middle of that pain and despair, you felt like that is where the Lord met you. There's people listening that are in that very spot right now, different circumstances, but their encounter with the Holy One, maybe just around the corner.

So in that regard, tell us your experience, and I'm sure people are going to lean in and say, I'm right there. You know, I'd really been trying to get my walk back on track and I was so distracted and troubled with the marriage and just wanting it to work and wanting to have just one week of peace and getting along and having things be okay. And so it really pushed me to just pray constantly. And I was crying out and it wasn't always quietly.

It was on my face, on the floor, crying out to God. And I think that I think that, you know, there was time I took a loan and went off and just would pray and talk to him and listen. And so, yeah, it was, it was really hard and I just had already separated before and would get back together and try and try and try. And it's kind of crazy how it happened because I found out more in the marriage, you know. And I've had to tell myself, okay, divorce isn't the one thing God hates, you know.

He hates lying lips. He hates people that rush into evil, that shed innocent blood. Like, you know, all these other people that cause dissension and all these other things. And so I think that I don't ever wish that on someone and I try to counsel people and save their marriage in every situation I can, unless of course there's very obvious things and a lack of repentance too, you know, because if someone does something, you can forgive them and you can, you can move forward. But there was time over time, over time, a long period of time of just, there was not going to be repentance there.

So. Well, in that regard, I think this is one of the most difficult things, you know, when I'm speaking about my own childhood and somebody will come up and say, I had an alcoholic father, I had your type of dad. How did you let go of that bitterness? And I think in that way, how did God, what did God ask you? That's probably the better way to say it. I think I have a little insight here. He asked you in your heart, you felt a question that God had asked you, can I come in?

Is that fair? What it was for me is letting him be enough. Right. Because I was always searching for that tangible person, you know, whether it was when my dad wasn't in my life as much, there was the need there. And then, you know, just that fear of loss of love and trying to use a relationship to fill that void. And so it was, it was really letting the Lord be enough and make me whole. And I think that that was the turning point for my life. You know, I hadn't had that, I guess, just peace of being okay alone until then. And, and I was happy. I was so happy. You know, I felt set free. I felt like he was protecting me. I felt like, you know, I don't know. I can relate to that. It's almost like a different gear spiritually, like a deeper relationship. I remember in my 20s, you know, feeling like I was, you know, things that I should do, I didn't do, and the things I shouldn't do, I did, that kind of thing. And I just remember then coming to that realization that, Lord, wow, I'm not living for you the way I should be living for you in that experience for me.

And it just was a deeper gear. It was, I'd say an integration where your faith really does begin to shape who you are in a deeper way. But it's, it's so tough. I think it'd be good to just move to, you know, the things that we covered last time, the tough things now, today, where you're at and the wonder of it. I mean, it's a good place. It seems like you're in a really good place now. But speak to that, I guess the importance of sharing faith.

I mean, right now in the country, it seems like it, you go one of two directions. You either just hold back because you don't want to put it out there, or you do put it out there. And there's consequences for that.

You seem, again, very comfortable. This is who I am. This is what I'm about. And that's okay. Yeah. I think that, you know, we're supposed to let our light shine before men.

So I think that I wouldn't want to put it under a basket. But I also don't want to just, you know, be out there. And I don't want to make it about me. I want to make it about one, on the work side, about what an amazing company and amazing people I work with. And I think that God's blessed the company so much. He's had his hand over the company through so many different tragedies and different really tough situations.

But, you know, he's just definitely protecting and guarding the company. I can feel that. And then, you know, on the other hand, it's like, my life has changed. And, you know, on the other hand, it's like, my life has been pretty crazy. And I want to be able to reach others and help others by, you know, sharing my testimony or offering up, you know, different counsel or words and just hope that God can just receive, you know, all the glory.

Yeah. Do you know, one thing it strikes me about you, and it's so refreshing, is just that authentic faith. You know, I think one of the errors of Christian leadership has been trying to project some kind of perfection that they don't possess, that no human being can possess, right?

Because we're not perfect. And you do such a great job of acknowledging just being authentic. You know, this is where I fall down and this is where I got up. And this is where the Lord met me. So many people need to hear that because they're looking at leaders going, well, I can't be like that. And the reality is you can't. It's not something special.

We just have different assignments. Let me ask you, with In-N-Out Burger, I think your uncle Rich and your grandmother Esther started the In-N-Out Foundation. What's the goal of the foundation? So they started it in the 80s. And my uncle kind of came to the realization that he had been an abused child. And he went to my dad and my dad was kind of like, no kidding.

You're just now putting this together. They're opposite personalities. But my dad was very honest and real. My uncle was sweet, sweet guy, but functioned, maybe a little more denial and stuff. So I think that, you know, they dealt with it differently. But when my uncle finally realized, wow, guy, we were abused, you know, as children, my dad kind of was almost upset that he finally realized that.

But my mom was really feeling passionate about it. And she actually joined with them and they helped start the foundation with my grandmother. And, you know, so it's to you know, so it's to stop child abuse to prevent it to, you know, really, and it's grown over the years, you know, from different foundations, different organizations, just a few to hundreds, and, and even catching the ones that age out the foster system and all that because, you know, they need, they need help. And it's, and I've said this before, of course, we have Wait No More, it's a foster adoption effort, we've probably had roughly about 5000 kids adopted out of that program or through that program. And it really is an area of chaos. You know, you want to see chaos in the world, go to the foster care system. And Lord knows, we need more Christians involved there.

Yeah, you know, whatever level commitment people can provide. But I so appreciate what you do and what the foundation in and out does to help those kids, which I was one, at nine years old, I was that foster kid, and it was it was a mess. Sean, I want to get you in here. Welcome to the focus on the family program. Thank you for having us.

No, you bet. I want to talk a little bit about you two because you two met you, you know, started Yeah, I catching each other's eye, I'm sure. But you did something really great, which you decided to kind of base your relationship on prayer.

Describe that. So I think from the very beginning, we both had been praying for somebody to come into our life. And I had always, you know, I had started praying, I just left the military started praying for a family, I realized after coming back from military, how hard it was to just go about life with just the expenses. And it just seemed far reaching to be able to have a family and support a family. And so I was praying that God would just show me who I was and build me up to be a provider and a man to have a family and to have kids. And those were the things that were just deep inside of my heart.

And I think so when I saw God answer that prayer, it was like, okay, from the very beginning, it's like, let's, you know, let's go to God about this and this and this and this and get confirmation and just really aside from prayer, but also include other other believers for counsel and elders. And so it's, our faith has been established from the beginning, we've obviously struggled and had our issues. Wait, you guys have issues? Oh, Jean and I have been married 35 years.

And guess what, we still have issues. It happens. But that idea of right from the beginning to set your relationship in prayer is really, especially for young people, that's a noble thing to do.

It doesn't come easily. And that was a great thing to do. Who suggested it?

She definitely suggested it. Yeah, that's good. I wasn't where I am now today in my faith. When we first met, I was raised with a background of faith with my family.

My great grandfather founded a church in Los Angeles in the 30s. And so it's been in my family. And so I was raised that way. And I veered off very far and came back. And so when we met, I had really just after serving in the military, realized that I didn't want it to be in vain, the effort that I put out there. And I just was really hoping that God would just show me why he created me. And Wow, that's a big question. Yeah, that a lot of people have.

Yeah, what was the answer? Well, to be in ministry? No, but, you know, I think with the way he's uniquely created us, myself, in my personality and my heart for people, and I definitely see him use those things, for the sake of the kingdom and for really setting people free. I care about people and I, you know, I want to see them not suffer with addiction or human trafficking. And, you know, I want to I want to go in and I want to grab those people want to take them out of that life, and show them that God has so much more for them in store for them.

Just joy and fulfillment. There's so much there. I was going to ask you, we've kind of really, you know, crack the can open for you, Lindsay, you've been so generous last time talking about your life, how we started today. So Sean, I got to put a little pressure on you. I mean, you did have, you know, you leaned into drug addiction. How did God pull you out of that? There's so many people that are there. Yeah.

Whether it's alcohol abuse, drug addiction, people are looking to medicate some issue. So what what was that theme for you? The brokenness in your family, I heard. Yeah.

And then how did God say, Sean, you're mine. We're getting out of here. So I, you know, I think you can come, the drug addiction come up, can come about quite a few different ways, you know, from traumatic experiences in our past and our childhood. Even from the womb, there could be some generational things that we're dealing with. And it can just be from just thinking that you're going to have fun and going out and making the wrong decision.

And it can spur off from there. So I got pretty much sucked into that life. And by my own choices, and the people I surrounded myself with, and just very toxic environment, but I started doing cocaine and many other drugs. And long story short, after suffering through that, just constantly, you know, the internal fight that Oh, yeah, wanting to be wanting to get rid of that out of my life, I wanted to be done with it.

But being sucked back in through the chemical addiction. And it was it was tough, but I started to pray. And I knew that I knew that that was the answer. And one day, is maybe you've heard, but it was my birthday. And I had done too much.

And I was feeling like I was absolutely on my deathbed. And which birthday was that shot? I think it was 26.

Yes. 26 at the time. And I just reached out to God, and laying there feeling my heart racing, racing, pumping, like feeling like it's going to burst out of my chest. I was scared to death. And I just prayed. And I felt like a light opened up in the top of the room. And it just gave me such a glimmer of hope that God was truly there. And, and, and was, I mean, he was just there for me. And so the next day, I made a phone call to my grandparents and explained the situation and they allowed me to come live with them. And so it was a really important role in your life. They have Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Yeah. So you know, they weren't, you know, they wanted the kids out of the house at that time. And my brother and I, my older brother and I lived with him growing up, due to my parents being divorced and some of that going on in my home. So they wanted, they wanted to have an empty home. And so by them allowing me to come back, I saw that as God's hand in them just immediately saying yes, without even without any hesitation. And in that time, I just kind of got away from everybody and everything in my life. And my grandfather kept pouring scripture into me and arguing, we'd get into arguments, and I would have my worldly view and on different things.

And he would come from a biblical point of view. And he never backed down and he fought. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah, he just he fought for me. It's amazing when someone does that.

Absolutely. And you know, the interesting thing is, you know, he, my grandfather is, is not my, my blood. Okay, so he, he raised my father, he came in to lead a family and home, and as his own.

And in the same way, he did that for me. And so I just saw the importance of doing that for other people, regardless of if their blood or your family, I think we get so caught up in, in just isolating ourselves to reach out and help only family. And it's like, there's, there's so many other people out there that need our help.

And yeah, yeah. So it was that process that got started shortly after my brother had passed away from Oxycontin and Xanax. And it was just a little bit too late. I once I had to start when I, once I started to clean up my life, I went back and tried to reach out to him and, you know, it was trying to help him get out of that life. And then he ended up overdosing and he was in the hospital and he was telling everybody, you know, the only person that he wanted to see at that time was me. And so I went and saw him and prayed with him and I talked with him and just kept trying to tell him, you know, God was his answer to get out. And about three or four months later, he ended up passing away. And so I, another younger brother, he was 22 when he passed away. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I have had another younger brother that spiraled out of control from that incident. And he ended up on the streets homeless on heroin and meth. And where is he today? So today he's gone back and forth. He acknowledges that the Lord is the answer for sure. And he is currently in a program and he's about to finish. I think he has about less than a month left in the program that he's in. And yeah, I'm excited to see.

So he's in, he's in a very good place right now. Yeah. And that, that back and forth, that yo-yoing, so many of us know that either through our own experiences or through family members or friends that have gone through that. And that's, you know, it's just the heavy part of life. Right. And again, I, I just so appreciate your realness, both of you.

I mean, this is where many people live and the pit they're trying to climb out of. Lindsay, I do and Sean jump into, but Slave to Nothing and the other work that you're doing here through In and Out and the Foundations, plural, that you've set up. Describe them for the listeners and what's happening. What are you accomplishing through those things? Yeah. Slave to Nothing is two parts, hence the name Slave to the number two, nothing. And the first part is helping with fighting addiction. So whether it be prevention again, or, you know, different rehab centers, different, you know, there's a lot of different, great organizations that are, you know, out there to fight substance abuse and addiction. So we support many of those, like the Children's Foundation.

This is set up to support other foundations, organizations that are, that are boots on the ground, you know, helping people. And the other part is human trafficking. You know, it's, it's huge. I think a lot of people I think more people realize now, but, you know, five years ago, when we started, I think there were a lot of people that thought that was a third world problem, and that it wasn't here.

But it's huge, you know, it's absolutely huge. And so I think, you know, us being able to spread the awareness in our stores with the can drive both causes, you know, we have information out, and then being able to, you know, support these different organizations that are fighting to prevent and fighting to rescue and set people free. You know, that was part of the vision God gave me for our Army of Love ministry. And just part of my purpose and calling is just seeing the captive set free, healing the broken hearted, breaking the chains, just all of these different, I could just hear, you know, all of these verses in my head and felt like, yeah, that's, that's what we have to do. That's what we're doing. So we're on the same page. And it's so beautiful to be able to do that. I mean, to take the hard work of 30,000 people, think of that 30,000 people working hard every day at an hamburger. And then with a portion of those prophets, you're helping others that truly is the Christian message, right? Take what you can to help others get through this life and hopefully to meet the Lord in the process.

That's the core so that change can occur. And I just, I so admire that. I really do. And I appreciate you both. Thank you for being with us. This has been so good. And again, thank you for your openness about who you are and what God's done in your life.

Yeah. Thank you so much for having us. And that's how we concluded our conversation with Lindsay Snyder and her husband, Sean, on this episode of Focus on the Family. And Jim, it really is inspiring to hear how God brought both Lindsay and Sean full circle, using the pain and the brokenness of their past to equip them for a really vibrant ministry today. And it's a good reminder to all of us in the Christian community that no one, no one is beyond the rest of the world.

No one is beyond the rest of the world. No one is beyond the reach of God. In human terms, it'd be easy to write Lindsay and Sean off as hopeless cases. They've made too many mistakes, you might think, and nothing good will come out of their lives. You might be thinking about that with your own prodigal child. But God can and does work miracles.

And we've certainly heard that these past two episodes. And if you or someone you know is in that wayward state, they're the prodigal, wandering far afield from following the Lord, there's still hope for redemption and restoration in that life, in your life. We'd love to be part of that process. And we can connect you with one of our Caring Christian Counselors, who will listen to your story, pray with you, and provide resources to get you back on track. And we can introduce you to the love and forgiveness that Lindsay was talking about in Jesus Christ. And we have a free booklet. It's called Coming Home. It provides you with the basics of what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus, and how you can become part of God's family.

And that's also available as a digital download. Contact us today so we can share this good news with you. Request a copy of Coming Home and connect with a counselor if you need, when you call 800 the letter A in the word family. 800-232-6459.

Or check the show notes for more. And if you're able to help us out financially, we sure would appreciate that. Your ongoing support helps strengthen marriages, equip parents, and share God's love with individuals and families who really need to hear it. So please be generous with Focus on the Family today. Coming up next time, we'll be navigating the complex world of dating. I think it's very easy to get caught up in just the clutter of what you assume relationships are, what you want them to be.

So you have many options of, you know, we see people quote-unquote hanging out, we see people hooking up, we see people dating intentionally, or what I would call biblical dating. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, I'm John Fuller. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family. Join us next time as we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ.