I will pray that he would be a man that would be quick to say he is sorry and he would be quick to say he's wrong.
Because when a wife hears that, oh, is he a safe man. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Gary and Barb Rosberg are our guests today again on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Thanks for joining us.
I'm John Fuller. John, we're going to continue a very upbeat presentation that the Rosbergs gave in Cape Town at a marriage event sponsored by Focus on the Family South Africa. And if you missed part one yesterday, please get in touch with us. We can send you the entire message on CD or audio download or you can get the Focus on the Family app.
And the starting point is focusonthefamily.com slash broadcast or give us a call 800 the letter A in the word family 800-232-6459. Today the Rosbergs will explore the topic of spiritual intimacy in marriage, but they have a bit more to say about sexual intimacy as well. So we recommend that you use your earbuds or listen later via the podcast or like John said the app or watch the presentation on the YouTube channel. Yeah, we're in a lot of places and listen or watch is the key. As we said last time, the Rosbergs are authors, broadcasters and co-founders of America's Family Coaches. They've been coaching marriages for about 40 years now. Here's Gary and Barb Rosberg on today's Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. So as we talk for the last few minutes, we want to talk about spiritual intimacy and Barb, one of the most significant areas is the area of prayer. It is.
It's so very important and I want you to step in and talk with me about that right now. The first time I prayed with Barb, I just became a Christian. Again, it was 1973. She said let's go to a Bible study. I'd never been to a Bible study. So she took me into this Bible study. At the end of the Bible study, one of the girls said let's pray. I'm looking for the pastor because I thought there had to be a pastor in the room to pray.
Anybody with me? And so all of a sudden this girl bowed her and she started praying. We were sitting in a circle and then a boy started praying, then another boy, then another girl, another boy. And you're supposed to close your eyes, I think, but my eyes are wide open because I'm thinking I'm not praying, I'm not praying, I'm not praying, I'm not praying, I'm not praying, I'm not praying.
It's like the Holy Spirit jumped right over me and I thought, we walked out and said I'm never going back to that deal. And she goes, why? I said they were praying out loud. She goes, well, Gary, just talk to God. I said I don't know how to do that, Barb.
This is brand new to me. So we sat down on this bench and we've taken our kids there. It was a parking thing.
It was a telephone pole. And she said, Gary, just talk to God. So I remember I took your hand, Barb, just like I'm doing right now. And I just said, dear Lord, I want to know you like Barb knows you. Amen.
And I looked up, she had a little tear in her eye and she leaned over and kissed me. And I thought, pray, kiss, pray, kiss. I started going to prayer conferences, you know, this is awesome.
Now here's the scoop. You have been told all your married life to pray together, but here's what I know about men. Whether it's South Africa or South Iowa, it's hard for guys to initiate prayer. So we're going to coach you on how to do that.
This is called conversational prayer. You guys have been married six years. So next time I come back to South Africa, I'm going to ask you if you've got a doubt. Two days?
They still in here or they go home early? Hand went right up. Okay. All right, brother, I'm going to show you how to do this.
And if you can get this in two days or 50 years or six years, it'll change your marriage. That's right. All right. So Barb, let's show them conversational prayer. Father, I thank you for my bride that said yes. Father, I am so thankful that South Africa invited us to come. God, thank you for these great people that took a night to gather around a couple of people that had no idea who they were, but they know who you are. Father, I just thank you for every family represented in this room, whether it's a couple or it's a family. And we just we pray for them, Father. God, we pray that you change this nation, but first you change the hearts of each one of us.
And I would ask that you would absolutely change something in every woman and something in every man. We're crazy about you. We love you, Jesus. Amen. Amen.
And it's called conversational prayer. OK, now, what's it like? It's like taking on a cowboy boot and you kind of wiggle into it.
Or, you know, gals, you ever kind of wiggled into your jeans. Barb says, don't say that to women. All right. Well, I'm leaving so you'll never see me.
But anyway, you kind of see that it's like this. So Ben is not preaching a sermon during the prayer. OK, you don't have to have three points. OK. And women, it's not your to do list.
Dear Lord, I hope my husband buys me a new dress and paints the house. OK, that's not the deal either. It's conversational prayer. It's just a sentence and a sentence and a sentence and a sentence and a sentence. And then you're all done. And then just kind of look at each other and go into other rooms before you have a fight or something, OK?
Now, I mean, and we're laughing about it. But see, some of you, you know what, this eludes you. We're not saying you don't pray as men.
We're not saying you don't pray as women. Of course you do. But sometimes it's hard to do this. And I'm going to ask you a question. How many of you think you can do what we just showed you to do? Raise your hands. OK, now here's what I want to say to you. Look at these hands around this room.
If that happened in Cape Town, South Africa, Ammon, it would revolutionize this country. I promise you, you start to pray together. And don't get legalistic. Don't get weird, you know. Wives don't sit at the door and go, are we going to pray? Are we going to pray? Are we going to pray? Are we going to pray?
Yeah, don't do that. But just begin. So guys initiate it.
Gals initiate it. Guys, I promise you, you find this chair. And you sit down with your wife and say, hey sweetheart, we're just going to sit down. Let's just do that conversational prayer. It'll just take a moment.
You'll begin to take down that wall that's dividing you to encourage you. Conversational prayer. And I'd like to add something that's a little off the notes. You know, it was about a year ago, and we had been working, working, working, working, working, and I was exhausted. And Gary and I were just a little bit, we were like, we'd call it locking horns, or just a little bit. There was something under us.
There's something we couldn't break through. And so I grabbed this women's magazine, and it said on the top, it said there's, you know, an article how to break through communication in the magazine. And I was sitting in our kitchen in our two chairs, and I opened the magazine and I started to read it.
You will not believe this. I had written the article two years before. And there was my picture, and I read it, and it was based, it was taken out of the book, Healing the Hurt in Your Marriage. There were four takeaways, and within it was one element we're supposed to pray.
Usually when we get in conflict, we have written about you get away from who you're having the conflict with, and you take a moment and go before the Lord and talk. Well, we were, I'm telling you, we were, we were just not getting to the bottom of this. And it hit me, and I thought, here is God's word, and it works, because we literally write from what works in God's word. And I called Gary in the kitchen and I said, we're going to break through this, but there's something that is at the core of this that is so spiritual, we're going to change it around. We sat down in those two chairs. We held hands together.
Just like you wrote about. That's right, no, but we took it out of order. Together we prayed before, before we talked. And I am telling you, there are times that only through praying together can you bust it.
And we broke through it, and I don't even know what it was about. I mean, isn't that how it goes? Okay, stinker.
No, I really don't. But anyway, prayer is so important. Another thing we want to talk about is this. It's another takeaway.
Daily time in the word. It's not like you have to. It's not like you have to put it on you.
And it's certainly not something that needs to be on a list to do over you. Why do I choose to be in the word every day? Because it changes me. Because it is as a shower in my spirit when I read the word.
It is as though I am in this intimate relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. And if you have forgotten about how great He is, then you just take a hike on up or take that little car on up to the top of Table Mountain, and you look over your beautiful Indian Ocean, and you capture the mountains that God has given to you, and remind yourself that the whole world is in His hands and that when you utter a prayer or when you have a cry in your heart and you've got one of those help me God moments, that He is listening and He has an answer. And it may not happen this day, but it's going to happen.
And it's going to happen the best timing possible. It's when we are in that word, we are reminded through the Psalms how mighty our God is, that He is a fortress in time of need, that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength, that He who abideth, we're in that holy place, that sacred place, that dwelling place where no one, no one and no thing can harm us. And it is when we are in that place and there might be something in the Spirit that is trying to come between you and divide you, you stand up and you say no because of the authority of Jesus Christ, because what He did for us on that cross, He paid it. You're done. You're paid in full.
You don't have to do anything. But when you have the privilege of reading that word, your life is changed. Your thoughts are changed. We are the only ones that have been made in the image of God forever.
That means we can have the mind of Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit, be in the word every single day. You know, Barb, and this is risky, but we're going to share this because we think that this can encourage us. You know what, folks, we like to celebrate birthdays in the Rosberg House. Anybody else like to celebrate birthdays? And we like to celebrate birthdays and we celebrate them for a whole week.
I told these guys when they married my daughters, you're either marrying into a great family or your worst enemy because we've treated them like princesses and you've got to treat them like queens. Because we just celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. So when I make a cake for one of the girls, for Sarah or Missy or Barb, and usually I mean buy a cake, not make one, I can make French toast, peanut butter and jelly and ice.
And the illustration that you're giving us, I didn't quite hear you say it, but I'm just your best friend, I got your back, and I think it is when we spiritually connect, we give all of ourselves to one another. We sure do. And so you know what, Barb, it's kind of like, and we're going to move into the sexual part of that as well, because it's kind of like, Barb, when I make a cake or give you, oops, I give you.
So we'll just pretend those are still lit. And so I'm bringing this cake to you, Barb. We're going to dance. And this cake is all for you and I've made it and it's beautiful and I'm going to pamper you and love you and give this all to you. But you know what happens sometimes, guys, is when we look at the sexual aspect of our marriage, we're on our way to give our wife all of us. And you know what, your wife is just like my wife, Barb wants all of me. She wants all of me. She doesn't want a part of me, she wants all of me. How many wives are like that in this room? And so if on the way to giving Barb this intimacy, if I'm saying, well, Barb, I want to give you some intimacy, but you know what, on the way, my eyes got kind of distracted and I just pulled out a little piece, it wasn't a big piece, it was just kind of a small piece, and I give it to her and I go, Barb, here, I have something for you and let me give this to you. And she looks at it, she might say, well, something's missing.
Yeah. Okay, ladies, are you with me? I'd be really sad if this was my birthday cake. And you know what, I like the whole thing. I like it beautiful, I like it thought about, I love it kind of perfect. I like it to be all about me, because that's how we are. And yet when we take away that part, and you know what, guys, we can take away that part unintentionally, we can take away that part in a thought, we can take away that part in the reviewing of a screen, we can take away that thought when some gal's walking down the street, and we may just be minding our own business, ladies, this is hard for you to understand, but when those images come into our mind and they distract us, what we're doing is we're robbing our wife of the intimacy that God created for her to have with having all of us. And in order to combat that, we're going to show you a takeaway that we think can revolutionize some marriages in this room.
That's why we have this bed in this room. And, Barb, I want you to show these men and women what you do each morning in order to guard the marriage bed as we move towards it. That takeaway says this, when we spiritually connect, when we give our whole selves to one another, we are taking back what Gary said, taking back from the enemy what he has tried to steal, the sanctity of the marriage bed.
And we go back to that original verse in the Word of God, which is so amazing, in Hebrews 13, chapter 4, marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure. I told you a few minutes ago, I was going to give you a tool, ladies, that is so powerful that will rock your world if you do it. I was reading a book a number of years ago by a wonderful author by the name of Shanti Felden. And here I was, well into my 50s, and I read something. She'd interviewed men all across America, and she said this in her book. She said that men are wired visually, I knew that. Men can see another woman, say, walking down the street, walking at the mall, whatever.
She's not dressed real modestly. And this can be branded into our husbands' minds, even like up to 48 hours later, when you're behind those locked doors, have an intimacy in your own marriage bed. I put down that book and I thought, you have got to be kidding me, 48 hours? And I thought, no, absolutely not. I'm a grandmother.
No way. I'm not going to let it happen here. I'm not going to let it happen in my kids' marriages, because this stuff can travel down. And even though God made our husbands wonderfully, wonderfully made, wired through the eyes, if anything can be branded into their minds, God made them.
We respect and honor how God made our husbands. But I decided I was going to take this to the Lord, if you know what I mean. And there is great power in prayer.
And so I decided, you know what? We're going to make this marriage bed holy and good. And so every morning, we all want to have an appointment with God to pray for our wives and pray for our husbands. But every day I wake up and it's the funniest thing. The bed needs to be made.
Isn't that amazing? So this is where I have my appointment with God. And if you were in my home, you would overhear something like this. I always start with Gary's pillow, because this is where his brain has been, laying on that pillow at night.
And I would say... Well, it's inside my head. You know what, Lord Jesus? You know those women that He has seen in the mall, on television, in the commercials, in the name and the blood of Jesus Christ? I am asking for a divine delete. That means this.
There isn't anything that's going to go in through His mind and end up in this marriage bed. Are you with me? I am told that through the power of Jesus Christ, one woman is enough. Yeah. Who would want more than one woman? Let's get real. I just tell the Lord.
Oh, shoot. One man is enough. Amen. Father, I would ask that you would just delete anything visually, anything in His thoughts, anything His ears have heard that was not my voice. I would pray that if there is any voice building Him up that wasn't mine, if there is any voice sweet-talking this man that was not my voice, if there is anybody that thinks they could even come near this marriage, because of the blood of Jesus Christ, I am praying for this man and my husband. And, Lord, I thank you. As I am making this bed, I will pray. I just walk down this bed, and I'll say, Lord Father, I would ask that you would give this man your heart, a heart that is guarded, a heart and a mind that is guarded through the power of Jesus Christ. Will you guard his heart?
Because out of his heart will flow his life story. Lord Jesus, I ask that when he puts on his belt today, that, Lord, he will remember to put the belt of truth around his waist. And I would pray that just that time he spent in the Word, sitting in the chair, in the kitchen, as he has had his coffee and read some Psalms this morning, that he will be reminded of these life-transforming thoughts that come down today and make him even a better man, a better businessman, a better man that chooses to have great and clean relationships. And, Father, I would pray for these legs, and I would pray that they would be legs that would run to shed the gospel of peace. I would pray that he would be a man that would be quick to say he is sorry. And he would be quick to say he's wrong. Because when a wife hears that, oh, is he a safe man.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I pray for those feet of his that they will walk truly on the path of God. And I pray that he will not step to the left, and he will not step to the right, but he will hear a voice behind him saying, this is the way, walk in it. You know, it's amazing to me, if we want great relationships, we've got a great God. And if you've ever had a moment with God where he has spoken into your heart and shown you something that wasn't right, it's so full of grace.
And you're sitting there going, tell me more, tell me more, I just want to be clean. It is beautiful. And I will pray, Lord, you know that spirit of condemnation that I deal with so often. You know, some of those things that maybe I heard when I was a kid, or maybe those thoughts that the enemy wants to say to me. I will pray in the name of Jesus that I will think as Jesus thinks, and I will have ears that only hear his voice, and I will have the knowledge to know the difference between the seduction voice of the enemy and the true voice of God. Every day, I pray over our marriage bed.
Every day, the reason that we experience the goodness of God and the greatness of God, and if there is anything good going on in our lives, it is because of him. And you know what, folks, as we have talked about emotional intimacy, as we've talked about sexual intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and again, we have just kind of given you the hors d'oeuvres of some of this material because of time. But don't you sense that the Holy Spirit is here amongst us right now? And you know what, some of you are sitting back saying, you know what, Gary and Barb, we have been hurt, we have hurt one another, and we don't know if we can sit down and pray over that bed. We don't know if we can do conversational prayer. We don't know that we want to present ourselves wholly to one another, sexually and spiritually. We don't know if at the end of the day we want to learn how to connect and affirm one another.
See, many of you did not grow up in families where you were taught how to forgive. In fact, the vast majority, we won't have you raise your hands here, but the vast majority of people when we ask them, how many of you saw your moms and dads exercise forgiveness, very rarely do many hands go up. But then we say, you know, 10, 15, 20 years from now, your kids come to one of these events, and we ask your kids, do you want their hands to shoot up and say, you know what, we saw our mom and dad learn how to do it, and that's you.
And for many of you, you will be the first chain in the link of restoring the generations to build up your marriages. Everybody stand, please, as I close this. And, Father, we stand in affirmation of the truth of Jesus Christ. And, Father, as men and women, measly men and women, every one of us woke up this morning, put on our pants the same way, whether we're on this platform or sitting in the chairs, we're no different. Father, we have need. We are needy, needy people. None of us got this figured out.
And if we think we got it figured out, we're the most foolish of all. Father, you fill us with the power of the Holy Spirit. If we seek you, you have promises that you will come into our heart.
We don't have to do marriage alone. And, God, we claim those truths, and, Father, we stand in unity tonight. We are locking arms in unity, crossing denominations, crossing races, crossing economic backgrounds, crossing what part of town our church is in. And what we're saying is the body of Jesus Christ is standing tall tonight. And, Father, we are standing in courage, and we are telling Satan, you go back to hell, you got no place in our family. And, Father, we are reclaiming the land, we're reclaiming the biblical families of South Africa, and we give you the glory, the honor, and the precious name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen, amen, amen, amen. Well, what an appropriate end to today's presentation from Gary and Barb Rosberg on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.
Wasn't that great? And the Rosbergs gave that presentation in several cities across South Africa, and we want to tip our hat to the director there in South Africa, Graham Schnell, for making it happen along with a great team in South Africa. Well done. Jean, Troy, and I had the chance to visit the South African office not that long ago, and it was so powerful to see the impact that we together are having with families in that region of the world. And, you know, when we say that Focus is having an impact around the world, that's not just rhetoric, not big talk. Back in the 90s, I had the privilege of traveling to dozens of countries to help plant Focus on the Family offices, and now we are pleased to say, proud to say on behalf of the Lord, that we're reaching almost 18 million listeners in almost 100 countries, and that just goes to the credit of our Savior and the donors that have allowed to make that happen. Yeah, God has been so gracious, hasn't He?
So true. And I'd like to encourage you to be a part of the ministry by becoming a monthly donor. Those smaller, consistent gifts really help us stay on an even keel. And when you make a monthly pledge of any amount, we'll send you a great book from the Rosbergs called The Five Sex Needs of Men and Women, Discover the Secrets to Great Sex in a Godly Marriage.
And we'll include a free audio download of this entire presentation from South Africa. And if you can't make a monthly pledge, we'd be happy to send you the book for a one-time donation of any amount. And when you visit our website, look for a free PDF called Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe, so that you can emulate the prayer that Barb modeled for us today. You know, praying for your spouse is a great way to bring healing to your marriage. And if you need to talk to someone about what's going on in your relationship, I hope you'll call us. After 45 years, I think you won't surprise us, and we do count it a privilege to pray with you and to hopefully give you some direction, advice, and maybe some other resources to help you in your marriage.
Again, we'd be honored to help you in that way. And let me remind you that our Hope Restored Intensives are literally saving marriages from coast to coast. Many couples say they feel like they received a year's worth of counseling in just four days. And John, you and Dina experienced this. Yeah, it is intense, but it's really, really good.
Such a deep dive into what's going on. Yeah, and what we do is we survey every couple that's gone through the program two years later. And I'm so proud to say 80% of those couples are still married and doing well.
Best of all, scholarships are available for those who need some financial assistance. So if your marriage is in trouble, please reach out to us. Risk it.
Risk saving your marriage. Yeah, call today to learn more about Hope Restored or to request a callback from a counselor. We really are here to serve you.
Our number is 800, the letter A in the word family. And of course, you can follow the link in the episode notes to get the free PDF of Barb's Prayer and to request your copy of the Rosberg's book, The Five Sex Needs of Men and Women. And by the way, that book is based on a survey of over 700 married couples.
It's very deep and rich, and it's got some great reviews online. You're going to learn what you can do outside the bedroom in your relationship with your spouse in order to really foster the greatest intimacy inside the bedroom, as God intended. We hope you have a great weekend with your family and your church family as well. And be sure to join us on Monday as we have a reminder about why your vote in the upcoming elections really does matter. On behalf of the team here, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.
Take a moment, if you would, please, and write a review of this podcast. Let other people understand the great content that we have to offer for marriage, for parenting, and for spiritual life. There's so much that we have to offer, and your word of mouth helps a great deal. I'm John Fuller inviting you back next time as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ. and how unique people like you can better come together. To get started on your marriage assessment, visit MarriageStrengths.com. That's MarriageStrengths.com.
