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After Caring for Both Parents With Alzheimer's, She Has "No Regrets"

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
May 14, 2021 3:00 am

After Caring for Both Parents With Alzheimer's, She Has "No Regrets"

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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May 14, 2021 3:00 am

Rayna Neises  lost both of her parents to Alzheimer’s Disease twenty years apart.  After her season of caring for her dad through his journey, she founded A Season of Caring Coaching where she offers encouragement, support, and resources so other caregivers do not find themselves aimlessly wandering through this important season of life.  

 

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This is the show for you as a family caregiver glad to have you with us if you would be part of the show 877-655-6755 this segment is brought to you by my pillow which by women to get a new pillow topper and some more sheets from them and use the promo code caregiver and get a big discount. I will love these product and you could wash them and so forth of the directors I don't like to have pillows be transported around with go to a hospital or some type other place and you still like you want I want everything clean and these things you can just door the washer there great in the pill toppers are of basic. There is a great product and I want you to take advantage of promo code caregiver and get a discount off joy today by a woman who's written a new book and she lost both of her parents to Alzheimer's 20 years apart. She cared for her dad I think is a mother first, and that her father and it clearly profoundly affected her name is Reina nicest, she is speaking into the lives of fellow caregivers are going through similar things. I'm just thrilled to have her on the show today surrender welcome to the show.

Take care. Tell us a little bit about the journey that you had as a kegger was at your mother that you cared for first. Unfortunately I was only 16 years old when my mom is that yes without establishing the 53 and on the teenager that's really difficult thing I think hard to even understand your parents or human right at that age you geared to focus on your own world and so on. That diagnosis was really difficult obviously to even understand. And she became nonverbal within 3 to 4 years of her diagnosis. Sheila 12 years with each of the at home with my dad is her primary caregiver and me trying to step in and offer that support any time that I could see become we've had. We talked a lot about early onset here and she become violent.

This process is a mess because a lot of the folks we deal with early onset. That's what happened and we are blessed of the family.

Neither of my parents were very violent. My mom is just a really quiet type personality anyway. But now she did not. She didn't. She was able to speak that she wasn't able to communicate, but she really didn't get too frustrated and she seemed to be easy to deal lightly on work had a lot of things of the caregiver that you know bathing and feeding that we were blessed that she never was incontinent on that we depend On a regular schedule and type of thinking to be easy for us to handle her, you know, this is amazing given the horrific use of this disease experiences that you learn to be grateful for small things that will is no small thing with incontinence and so forth. That is a that speaks volumes of you guys that you learn to be grateful for what you which you had not what be miserable, but what you lost and I know that was very painful to go through that you got her squared away and and as you took care of her and almost no what did within 10 years after that your father was diagnosed right where about seven years after her passing that my dad had his diagnosis of Alzheimer's that he limited dates for 14 years. So when he got that diagnosis that had to be the two could be good for all of you because you just been through this and the need to run around just when you catching your breath. Really. And then you did you you get this diagnosis was. It was symptomatic before the did you start to see it where you were you thinking oh my gosh she's he's going to go to his will have this to, or did you just click about real Sudley or have that work. Actually, my dad and I own a franchise together at Sylvan learning Center and I with the hands-on the accountant and how the business experience bench.

One day I was in my office and he gave me a call. He just said rain on connect. I'm worried and I'm like what going on.

I just I don't think that my memory is like.

It should be and I now dad you know what mom were just a lot more since I'm sure you're fine. But go to the doctor. The doctor and let them do the test and I won't look at him.and I honestly I didn't think that there was a problem. My dad was really sharp and I think what he noticed a lot of people don't realize Alzheimer's is not just memory processing ability to problem solve and and he was really sharp in that area and I think that's what he started the was that he wasn't able to figure things out like you deal and felt he was concerned for himself and unfortunately you know the test results came back with some concern actually started with mild cognitive impairment initial diagnosis and then 50% of the people with back. I wanted all primers and he was one of the bed and it was it was devastating. Our family we walked to the journey's all the way to the cemetery was your father. Now both parents you done this and you brought this considerable amount of experience that you had different experiences but put know that when you had both of them together and that have gone through this with some years separately and you wanted to reach out to your fellow caregivers going through similar circumstances and this book in a season of caring which I love the title. But with that's your whole thrust. What you do with reaching out to help mentor people along through this process of a season of caring enough use that term here on the show because there are seasons we complete we will be doing some seasons are a lot longer my case. 35 years of this, but that's quite a long season is, like winter out here in Montana. We just got five pictures of snowflakes. We went winter, the season of winter skiing for your free will we call it sprinter because were it was kind of weird but I jotted jobs with us to write multi-producer of the show Joe Butler and he is with this as well, but it's I went out to pictures you see the horses in this there was so much snow in the morning but afternoon, a lot of it had melted in the sunlight and the green grass was on connect both addresses we can at the horses at all. It's all green right where I am and in the backdrop, you could see all the frosted trees so was like is like. I'll let you know the business of the front Hardy but but but it's a [but tell us about a season of caring. So when did this kind of percolating your brain to think okay this is something I want to take this experience of failure always know are you a teacher. I went there and now I'm a certified coach and so I was actually kicking whenever my dad got a point near the 24 hour care and so I didn't renew my contract and went and traveled take care of him. The last four and half years of his life and what it will.

Did you teach reading specialist so I can time in a fourth-grade classroom. I did PE and then I also worked with gifted and reading specialist so I have the first background indeed you got all the skills to bear in another people to deal with this and so you losses include a season of caring talk talk little bit about this caring in my coaching practice accident name in the book is no regret for your care getting season and after we like the third 19 together to help keep my dad in town all the way until her Think we had a great team of people that were around Multiple times I heard people say you need to share your story of how you as a family were able to care for him in the home all the way to the end and so you know I really as I as I thought about why different why people were trying to find out. I just really realize that I would be able to bury my dad with no regret letting A powerful thing. The deal and only reason why I like to say that was because throughout the process I stopped and I reflected, and I really thought about what how things were going. What I was doing for him what he needed. Maybe that was different than what was happening.

I just really the time making this adjustment in that keeping and I don't know that you can ever go through our life thing. I don't regret anything ever, but if you stop in the moment and you change it and you don't have to have a regret, and so I really felt like the way we were able to support our my parents through that time of their lives and in that time in my life.

At the same time supporting them. Also having my own life and being able to maintain my marriage and relationships and things like that with something that I really wanted to share with people and so on. Written a book to help support others for them to be ideas of things that work for us as a family and offer ideas and how to provide healthcare for yourself, even as your caring for your loved one will of the title.

No regrets, and so gets it wrong.

I was looking at the season caring about you. This is what happens when you have all this is so little brain. No comments about the talk about that a lot we do. This is our eighth anniversary of the show is this weekend and I was just mentally cut of indexing a lot of the shows we talked about about regrets and and people that are at the end of their caregiving there and there at the grave and there just with clinched fist. They have somebody regrets at the below resentments and so forth. And I think that's a beautiful way that you been able to express this joy. What are your thoughts on the well about this.

We know it's we talk about this a lot, you know, we know it's grand. Hopefully it's you know, not our because that is the real that's that would be the biggest regret. I think not not be able to be there for the whole journey, and beyond. Now you know I agree with you that say that is is a good good title for hundreds title that is something we deal with pretty rough way so will is and no regrets does imply there were tears in the work painful places the love the way you say you know if you get a chance to make amends or make adjustments along the journey.

Then you're able to to effectively navigate to this thing in your learning to make mistakes that no regret be no mistakes. Just okay. I didn't leave anything unaddressed that needed to be addressed and dealt with, and that is my hope and my prayer for myself and my fellow caregivers is that we can navigate this thing all the way through without being tortured because I I've seen caregivers about what you talk about some the computer mud who are literally torturing themselves long after the grass is grown over the grave and I know that you've encountered people with this you can't help it if you're doing this, do this, but with with fellow caregivers talk little bit about that. What are some things maybe you would say to those individuals who are really putting themselves through the through the grinder long after the cemetery and I think you can offer yourself or give it a point. Regrets are really about the things that you wish you had done and I think we have to realize that we only do what we know to you in the moment and hindsight always 2020 we all know that. And so, in the process. I guess I'm always encouraging people to think about it, how can you be intentional.

How can you do the best you can do right now with what you have and if that's what you did, then there shouldn't be regret. You know if there are things that you wish you had done differently. You can forgive yourself for that and I know that your loved one will forgive you.

So I think just being able to really get down here what it is the root of it and really think about is that just a motion that you're allowing yourself to run off with, or is really something that was you wish you could have done differently that you have the ability to do things different and could have. Thank you for speaking because that is something that's just really rough in that that we all deal with and Spartans beyond guilt or remorse. This entire show and its something that can be crippling and the ability to forgive oneself which is not saying it's okay. It's just no taking your hands off somebody else's throat. In this case your own so is or is there anything else that you would speak to his for his guilt is concerned, since we can talk about that today and I think the key guilt and regret is really just being intentional and so ended caregiving where you are right here right now. What are you choosing if something is not working. You can always make another choice.

I think sometimes we have a tendency to think that we make one choice and that's it. We have to go that direction permanently. But really the truth is you can make a different choice.

If it's not working for your love life. It's not working for you.

You can make a different choice and having that understanding allows us to let go of guilt and say okay so that didn't work, but what can I do that will work and I think the only way we can be intentional is finding reflective, having quiet time to ourselves to have that self inventory and thanks how my doing what's going well what's not going well, what do I need what might I need to do differently in order to get what I need to do I need to ask help from all of that things are going to help us put it in a place where we can feel healthier. Therefore, we don't have to deal with guilt or regret you like the idea of being will just deliberation of being deliberate about things.

Kim can be rather for you even though it's rather difficult sometimes, but it's a well put absolutely nothing to help your back. By the way that that was a little glitch in the matrix service is the red pill, but I am. I have plenty of things in my life that I regret doing and causing but I really respond will what you just said living intentionally and not haphazardly because I live for. For many years and much your journey.

I was just reacting all the time and am learning now to just slow down and respond and deal with it as it is right here and right now in your your words are a beautiful rain and the book is called no regrets worst best place for people to go find all major retailers first versions available today to give your website real quick, caring.com a season of caring.com and nice and I am so thrilled that you came over so they write a thank you so very much a part of this Rosenberger will be right struggle to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison.

We also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ.

The source of my hope and strength visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others standing without.com. I'm Gracie. I am skating with help


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