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May 13, 2019 12:53 pm
How would you feel if your adult child (30+) lived at home with debilitating migraines?
Caller from Mississippi shared her frustration at her daughter's challenges ...and behaviors. From what she describes in this call, the problem has expanded to addiction and other behavior issues.
Caregivers can easily fall into the trap of enablers. Lost in what I call the FOG of caregivers (Fear Obligation Guilt), we can easily veer off the road into dangerous situations.
There is a path to safety ...but we're not going to find it alone.
That's why we have a show for family caregivers!
Go to Vera in Mississippi Vera how you feeling when you know I'm just precious. Thank you for asking what's going on with you about my daughter here you're once every year and partly I didn't hear the good now I am driving again will be talking is doing just fine but if she had been thinking field just like what you doing and then once you get not part of living like this and it gets migraines, but it is so debilitating and I try to be that mom that strong and therefore her and all the time.
You know how we do it in whatever they called we go through because when you love someone that what you do and don't quit so close together that it is heartening sometimes when I think the money.
That is why God doesn't care if Rocky forgot all her friends a moment on she is getting degrees which is not getting a job because not able to work you know and I just I'm I'm in the within. Sometimes I get tired.
I get tired and only thought yeah yeah I know you did it. It's hard what holder she's starting you been to your doctors just do the doctors know that she's cranking pretty hard on the sleeping pills. Now they don't know they don't know anything about that. I fell a couple times a night with they would talk to her and tell her what you don't need to be doing that for five or anything out about with the cut sheet up at night because she couldn't wait any longer.
The pain and it might run amok one thing and another, she live with you with me yet you married I am married okay so you and your husband do things got evident in living with someone whose chronic pain is is just this god-awful justice there's no other way to describe it.
I get it I get the journey and she's seeing about what type of doctor she seen everyone, right does she have a psychiatrist involved in the civil not, would you would you neurologist is a good place to be because that's what they deal with it so that they're not able to better function that regards. But it may be worth your while to explore psychiatrist with her and on on a couple levels because there may be some some aggravating circumstances going on in the psychiatric world with her and I may and psychiatrist are pretty good for with medications. That's know that think they understand pharmacology pretty well and that may be a good start for you but for for her. But what about you what are you doing to try to help detach yourself from this and keep your own sanity and rolled and work, I get it right there and I'm hurting I don't feel good honey. We don't have any pain were listed listed just a couple things little Ms. diet does play a role in this. She's if she's doing those kinds of things you're not responsible for that stuff. Okay the migraines you get don't have the control over but but also her her bad choices of what she's putting in her body and if she's texting you in the middle of the night. You might want to turn your phone off because setting boundaries with her is going to be a real challenge. I'm thinking and and she's got she's getting pretty used to having somebody at her beck and call.
Do everything for her and no, that's the that I get that but she stuck it up. She's not necessarily be able to get out of this but she's gotta learn how to live better with it. I live with somebody in chronic pain who's never known a day without it.
Since 1983 and and and this and it's obscene MRIs. I've seen x-rays and I'm smart enough to know what they mean and her body is just broken, and Gracie learned a long time ago that she's nothing to be able to get out of this barring something from Jesus that were not you were not seeing and and so she's gotta learn to live with it in a healthy manner, but so do and so do you. Vera and you're going to have to take your hands off of some of this and let it be what it's going to be and you you she's 31 years old. Other than migraines and pain. She still adult she said I have to deal with life as an adult because of something happens to you, who she got a text in the middle the night. I don't know that that's a good question is that if you stroke out because of the stress of this who she go to be no stealing cookies from soap part of this is a medical problem. Part of this is a behavior problem and it's hard to know which one is which is and that's what helped healthy thing for you to back away from this so that you're not tried to sit there and wrap your hands around the entire thing and figure this out because you don't hear.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you go to medical school will then why don't you let her work this out with her doctors because you didn't I go to medical school and I had to learn how to get away from these things and I had to learn back away and let it be what it's going to be and sometimes Vera you have to bite your tongue and learn to like the taste of blood in you have to you have to turn your head and let hot tears run down your face but you have to turn your head to do it and she's going to have to she's going to have to make some some tough choices and take control of her own life because of something happens to you, Vera. What's her option and and sometimes it would with us as caregivers. I'm speaking from experience here for Vera. Okay, I'm not in any way beating on your shaming on you. Anything I'm still new. My own experience, sometimes as caregivers. I know I have.
It's very easy to cross that line to become an enabler and bent been there done that and I got a T-shirt that says you know and and it's a hard thing and it's because you get your your your almost blinded with this desire to recklessly hurl yourself at someone because they're floundering and it may be okay for her to flounder on her own without you running to the rescue. Every turn your phone off in the night set boundaries. She's not to like it. By the way. Then you go to be able to see the difference because you can see some blowback when she doesn't have which he doesn't ring the bell and you come running to see some blowback and she's close to grinding and blaming you and everything else that you have to read, be strong at that point but but you have to understand she's going to have to to make it or fail on her own merits. You could pointer to the good quality medical care and you could try this thing. That's why think a psychiatrist may be an appropriate step for her license middle health counselor of some kind, but preferably at a psychiatrist for her because I think she's going to need some MD treatment, but in your case. I also think you can benefit greatly from a licensed mental health care professional, not just not just somebody who's a life coach or even a pastor at this point, but somebody who's a licensed mental health professional show. We gotta take a break.
Keep listening. This is the show for you Vera okay and I want you to call me anytime you want. I hear you blessed me this morning. Thank you so much.
This is hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger.
This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver will be run you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happened, I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of this is to point others to Christ.
The source of my help and strength these visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting firstname.lastname@example.org. I'm Gracie and I am staining with help