How can you know if a person in your life is leading you toward wisdom or foolishness?
Here's one way… Have you ever heard the saying, birds of a feather flock together? The relationships you choose might be more important than you think. They influence your mindset, shape your habits, and ultimately determine your direction in life. Today's message unpacks Solomon's wisdom from proverbs on avoiding the wrong crowd and seeking wise companions. You'll learn how to say no to toxic influences and recognize relationships that might help you grow.
Here's medical advice for protecting your heart and choosing the right flock to fly with. These are interesting entries that have created in part the mindset of those born in and around 1990. For these students, Fox has always been a major network. HDTVs have always been available. The World Wide Web has always existed. They have always been able to watch war live on television. The Soviet Union never existed. They have only known two presidents.
They learned about JFK and Malcolm X from movies. Disneyland has always been in Asia and Europe. Beach volleyball has always been a recognized sport. Walmart has always been bigger than Sears.
Food packaging has always included nutritional labeling. They have grown up drinking water from plastic bottles. They have never rolled down a car window.
While their older brothers and sisters never used a typewriter, they have never seen one. At a mall or store, a coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake. Gilbert has always been ridiculing the workplace and Al Gore has always been running for office. Without a doubt, the influence of culture is certainly profound. But it isn't our culture that's any problem, is it? It's whatever we allow from our culture to influence our thinking and condition our hearts that becomes the issue. That's why the scripture never tells the believer, now that you're saved, abandon your culture and go live in the woods.
Never does. The believer has been challenged to reach his culture with the gospel, while at the same time resisting the undertow of its pull towards sin. To avoid certain aspects of culture. To be careful who you run with, because who you run with ultimately runs you. Who you give an ear to ultimately has you by the ear. You've heard the expression, birds of a feather flock together. That's not only a fact of nature, it is a fact of human nature. Who you choose to follow, who you choose to flock together will influence you in one way or another.
And the believer needs to take it very seriously. That's why friendship and fellowship with the right people is so important. Who you like, you become in many ways like.
That's why C.S. Lewis called friendship a school of virtue or a school of vice. He wrote this, friendship makes good men better and bad men worse. So the question is, who are they who will make you bad?
Who are they who will make you good or better? That's exactly what God has in mind here in the first chapter in the Proverbs. It shouldn't take us by surprise that one of the first things that Solomon will teach us is how to avoid certain people.
That might sound harsh or strange. It's actually biblical and wise. If birds of a feather do flock together, it's no surprise that the Proverbs would talk a lot about flocks of birds we're to avoid.
And we're about to begin where he just parades across the platform one kind of bird after another. And he begins by a flock that we are to avoid. In fact, this is the first piece of fatherly advice that Solomon offers. Look at verse 8. Here, my son, your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
In other words, listen to your mom and dad. Look at verse 10. My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. If they say, come with us, let us lie and wait for blood.
Let us ambush the innocent without cause. Now, they're not saying this. The father's simply taking the mask off what they're saying and saying this is really what they're saying. They would use more enticing words than this.
This is really what they mean though. Come let us swallow them alive, some innocent sap. Swallow them alive like shield, even whole as those who go down to the pit. We're going to find all kinds of precious wealth, good stuff to steal. It's going to be ours. We will fill our houses with spoil.
So throw your lot in with us and we shall all have one purse. Now, I recommend you write into the margin of your Bible at verse 10. What we could say is his summary warning. You could say it this way with two words. Here they are. Stay alert.
Stay alert. The word used here for sinners or sinful men is hatayim, which refers in general to people who are missing the mark, those who are falling short of God's standard for holy living, certainly good living. This is a group of people that live this way. They practice sin. They desire to miss the mark. They don't care about God's standard. This is their occupation. They are experienced veterans of sinful lifestyles. That's who he's talking about here. Would you take note that the sinner begins with an invitation.
Look at verse 11. Come with us. Just join us. Relax.
What else are you doing this weekend? Come on with us. Just an invitation. Solomon advises two responses. The believer is to respond to the invitation first with something verbal. He says back in verse 10, consent not, which is another way of simply saying, son, say no.
Simple as that. Say no. One of the best ways to avoid sin is to say no as early as possible. We ought to live with that word on our lips. No, I'm not going to think that. No, I'm not going to say that. No, I'm not going to look at that. No, I'm not going to go there.
No, I'm not going to do that. No. Listen. No. You talk to yourself. No.
You live like that. The best time to say no is early on. The time to say no, young women, to a guy who advances is not at 11 o'clock at night in his car parked. It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon when he invites you out. That's when you say, no, thank you. Some of you guys are convinced that you will never commit adultery or emdesilment, and we can all be convinced of that, but we say we can say no to that, but right now you might be cheating on the Internet or on your expense accounts. The time to say no is early on. Early on. The best time to refuse the invitation to sin is when you first hear the words, hey, come on.
Come along with us. I thought of Daniel as I read this text in Proverbs. He provides an incredible example for the believer. What I find interesting as we look at Daniel responding to those sinners in that culture is that he did not resist the educational system in Babylon. In fact, he excelled in it.
He rose to the top of his class. He didn't argue about his lodging, his professors, whatever. What he did refuse to go along with was the one thing about this cultural shift that would have required Daniel to sin. That's where he drew the line. He refused to what? Eat the king's meat and drink the king's wine. Daniel chapter one, verse eight.
Why? Because we're told that he made up his mind that he would not defile himself. He wouldn't sin. So Daniel went along with everything except this one thing which would have made him sin, and he made it very clear, no, this will cause me to become defiled and sin against my God. His verbal response was gracious, but it was firm. Solomon writes, son, when you are enticed to go along graciously, firmly, say no. I personally believe that one little word will save us from a life of regret. The first response of the believer in verse 10 is verbal.
The second response of the believer is physical. If you wrote the words stay alert beside verse 10, you could write into the margin of your Bible by verse 15 the words stay away. Stay alert and stay away.
Look at verse 15. My son, do not walk in the way with them. Keep your feet from their path.
Why? Their feet are running to evil and they hasten to shed blood. It's useless to spread the baited net inside of the bird, but they lie and wait for their own blood and they ambush their own lives.
You notice here how the father is advising the son to consider the end of the sinner's path. Yes, they have friends. They're not alone.
They've got plenty of cash, exciting times, things to do, but just look at their end. It's calamity. It's futility. It's emptiness and loss. Stay alert.
Stay away. Now someone in here is sure to think, as I did, now didn't Jesus Christ make friends with sinners? Wasn't he condemned for eating and drinking with tax collectors and sinners? Yes, Matthew chapter 11 verse 19 lays it out for us.
True enough. But Jesus Christ had a purpose. He wasn't eating with tax collectors because he was lonely. He wasn't eating with sinners because he wanted something to do over the weekend. He wasn't eating with wayward men and women so he could have some friends and have some activity to do. No, he wasn't mingling with them so they could influence him but so that he could influence them. Not because he needed them, but because they needed him. He had come to seek and to save those who were lost. He wasn't there to entertain them. He was there to redeem them.
See, he was mission minded as he walked through his culture. We need to think of friendships or influences in our lives with the idea of three circles. Think of three circles surrounding you. The widest circle is out here. There's one nearer to you and then there's one closest to you.
The furthest circle out is passive acquaintances. These are the kids in your science class or the ones who ride the bus home with you. These are the people who work in the cubicles next to you. You share the same water fountain and elevator.
You know the name of that receptionist. You know who these people are but that's really about all there is to it and they only really know who you are. The next circle, closest, we can move from passive acquaintance to casual friendship. These are the guys that you play on the soccer team with and you not only sit with them on the bus but you share the same bench and you enjoy talking with them on the way to the game. These are the people that you serve in the boardroom with as you hammer out the plans. These are the neighbors that you chat with or maybe invite over for hamburgers on Saturday afternoon. These are the people you talk with in the hallway.
You pile into the car to go grab lunch. These are the guys or girls in your dorm room or on your task force. They are more than passive acquaintances.
They're in your world. You get to know these people pretty well. These are the people you strike up meaningful conversation with about Jesus Christ when you get the opportunity. These are the people on your prayer list. You're not with them so that they can influence you.
You intend to influence them. These are not passive acquaintances. These are casual friendships, people that God has placed in your world to influence that no one else will ever reach. They are placed in your life by God so that you can influence them, not the other way around. That's the third circle.
That's the closest one to you. That is reserved for close companions. These are the people that are in your life that you share life with. You've chosen to allow them as counselors and confidants.
If you're fortunate, you have one or two or three. You normally choose these people with care. These are people you have given the right to influence your heart and your direction in life. These are people that you'll ask, what do you think I ought to do about this? From passive acquaintance, no personal connection really, to casual friendship, personal connection, but you intend to influence them for Christ, to close companionship, these are the ones you have given the right of persuasion and influence.
You have allowed them to develop in you a mindset how to look at life. This is your flock of birds. This is who you fly with. Let me say this, for the believer, no one who is without Jesus Christ should ever gain access to this inner circle. This is what you guard. You are to guard your heart for out of it flow the issues of life, Proverbs 4 23. Thorns and snares are in the way of the perverse, but he who guards himself will be far from them, Proverbs 22 verse 5. This is where you make sure that discretion guards you and understanding watches over you, Proverbs chapter 2 verse 11.
Listen, this relates to who you date. This relates to who you seek for counsel. If you are dating an unbeliever or even a believer who has no regard for the things of Christ, there's no such thing as evangelistic dating by the way, okay? If you have, as an older adult, allowed into your life a counselor, a psychologist, a therapist, a confidant at work who does not know Jesus Christ, they have no right to get inside that inner circle where they can influence your mindset because they may very well lead you astray. Perhaps the best thing you could do for your spiritual walk is start avoiding certain people.
Graciously move someone from the inner circle to the outer circle. Solomon wrote in Proverbs 13 20, he who walks with wise men will be what? Wise. But the companion of fools will suffer harm. Now remember in the Bible, the word fool has nothing to do with IQ. A fool throughout scripture is someone who has said in his heart, there is no whom. There is no God.
That is, they live as if there is no spiritual authority in heaven and no biblical authority on earth. So Solomon is saying, someone who allows a fool to infiltrate that inner circle will suffer harm. You let someone in who has a close and intimate friendship with the Lord and you will be wise.
Someone who does not care about the authority of God in heaven and the written authority of God on earth will lead you. You are merely inviting ruin and one of the challenges is not to be fooled by a fool. A companion of fools will suffer harm. Bruce Walkie, a Hebrew scholar, defined these Hebrew words, a companion of fools.
Listen to this, as someone who allows this kind of individual to excite their interests, fix their habits, form their resolutions. You let someone who has no authority in heaven or on earth do that for you, he says you will suffer harm. But he says in Proverbs 12 26, one who is righteous can be a guide to his friend, but the way of the wicked leads him astray.
Would you note the progression here in chapter 1 and verse 10? First you have an invitation, then it leads in verse 11 to participation and eventually in verse 14 you have cooperation. You are now fully invested, there's one purse.
You have invitation, participation, cooperation or collaboration. Where in here is the hardest place to say no, to cut ties? Certainly in here at cooperation, you're invested now, you're deeply involved. You have perhaps money on the line, fully invested. Maybe it's your heart, you have already given it away. Maybe your emotions are all tied in now. It's the hardest time. When's the easiest time to disengage? Way back here at the invitation. Hey, come on, come on.
No thanks. So how do you avoid flying in the wrong flock of birds? Well, Proverbs 1 informs us of two responses. One is verbal, stay alert, the second is physical, stay away. With your verbal response, you resist enticement.
With your physical response, you refuse entanglement. Be prepared to do both. Well, the question remains as we wrap this study up, how do you spot the wise flock of birds? Well, two key characteristics about wise birds of a feather.
I'll go outside the text to give you these two characteristics. Number one, they believe in the crucified and resurrected Christ. Paul wrote to the Corinthians in chapter 1 verse 23, but we preach Christ crucified.
To Jews, a stumbling block, and the Gentiles, foolishness. But to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is, listen to this, the power of God and the wisdom of God. So the person who believes that Christ is the epitome of wisdom, who wants to know what Christ thinks about whatever, who wants to talk to Christ about life, who wants to lead you to pursue Christ in life because Christ is the epitome of wisdom.
That person is wise, fly with a bird like that. Number two, they not only believe in the living Christ, they base their lifestyle on the word of Christ. In Matthew chapter 7 verse 24, Jesus Christ said, Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and acts upon them may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the what?
On the rock. The person who says to you, you know, I think you're taking the Bible a little too seriously, is not wise. The person who takes the words of Christ seriously has his or her mandate for living. The person who says, hey, I've got to know what Christ said. He is wise. So Solomon says to his son here at the outset of godly wisdom, Son, I want you to look all the way down the path. Verse 18, you need to understand they think they've got life figured out, but they're ruining their own lives. They're ambushing their own future. It's interesting to me. The first piece of advice is how to avoid the wrong people. It's not harsh.
It is helpful and wise. In 1942, Boston College's football team had the best record in their division. The year was coming to a close, and they had planned their homecoming game. It was planned against Holy Cross, and Holy Cross had only won four games that year.
That's the kind of team you want to play for homecoming, right? However, that particular night as they played them, everything Holy Cross did was right, and everything Boston College did failed. At the end of the game, the score was an embarrassing 55 to 12. It was so embarrassing that the Boston College team slithered back to their dorm rooms and they canceled their big homecoming party.
They didn't want to show their faces. In fact, they were fairly convinced that they would wake up the next morning to the headlines, Boston College creamed by Holy Cross, or something like that. However, the next morning, the local newspapers didn't even cover the game.
Instead, I have read about this. The front page story was about a fire that had broken out in the Coconut Grove Country Club. By the way, that fire remains in American history as one of the top five fires in terms of fatalities. Over 400 people died that night. To those reading the article, it might have just been one more catastrophe as it was carried around the country. But to every player and every coach and every friend of Boston College's football team, it meant everything.
You see, their homecoming celebration had been planned to take place at the Coconut Grove Country Club. Couldn't help but think their embarrassment, their loss, their emotional pain had saved their lives. Solomon will later write in chapter 4, Do not enter the path of the wicked and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid them. Do not pass by them. Turn away from them and move on.
May I add to that even if it's embarrassing. Don't fly with the wrong birds. This advice means to Solomon's sons, you're going to spend some weekends alone perhaps. It may mean you're the odd man out in the office.
It may mean that you're the least likely to get asked out on a date. Perhaps the greatest proof that you are walking with Christ and that you are safe is that you are standing alone. So stand, Solomon would say, resist enticement, refuse entanglement, keep your heart, guard it. It's going to make all the difference, not only in this world, but in the world to come. By guarding your heart and choosing wisely, you'll live a life of purpose and integrity.
That was Stephen Davey and this is Wisdom for the Heart. Today's message is called Birds of a Feather. This series from Proverbs is entitled The Quest for Hidden Treasure. This entire series will help you walk wisely through life and I hope you'll join us for each of the messages in the days ahead.
In addition to joining us to listen each day, there are two additional ways for you to have this content. First, Stephen has this series available as a book. This hardback book is available at 50% off during this series and I encourage you to get a copy.
You'll find the book entitled The Quest for Hidden Treasure on our website, wisdomonline.org. We can also make you a set of CDs for this series if you'd like to have that resource. It's also available on our website. If you'd like us to help you personally, give us a call today. We can help you with either the book or the CD set by calling us at 866-48-BIBLE. That number once again is 866-48-BIBLE or 866-482-4253. Our website once again is wisdomonline.org. And by the way, when you visit the website, be sure to take the time to look around. Stephen has been teaching God's Word for four decades and our website contains the complete library of his Bible teaching ministry. You'll find all of his sermons, articles, books, and more. For each of these lessons that we broadcast each day, there's also a manuscript that you can read if you prefer. So, visit wisdomonline.org today, then join us back here next time to discover more wisdom for the heart.
