Well last week we began a brand new series and honestly I don't know if I've ever really started a series and had the first two weeks online but here we are and last week the series is entitled Emotions Navigating Our Feelings with Biblical Truth. And we are going to take over the next several weeks, we're taking different emotions that all of us face from time to time. Internally, and we are looking at those emotions from a biblical perspective.
Some of these emotions are like last week we looked at the emotion of depression. Today, we're going to be looking at the emotion of bitterness. We're going to look at things like fear and guilt and anger, some of these different emotions that so many of us struggle with internally. And truthfully, I think the church has done a poor job at talking about these different emotions. Oftentimes, we in the church have been told that if you have these emotions, you must be living in sin.
It's a sin to feel this way. And that if you just try harder and trust God more, then all these emotions will go away. And if you're like me, you're kind of like, there's been times in my life where I've been trying to follow God. I'm not really living in deep sin, and yet I still feel some of these different emotions that this series is going to look at. And so, for this, I just want to take each one of these emotions from a biblical perspective and talk about them because.
The church should be the safest place for you and I to talk about these different emotions that we are faced with. And so today's emotion that we are going to look at is the emotion of bitterness, the emotion of bitterness.
Now, this isn't an exciting one, but can we say the word bitterness together? Bitterness. And, you know, anytime. We talk about something like this. It gets ultra-personal.
And I understand that. And many times we immediately put guardrails around these internal emotions because we don't want anybody to know what our heart is feeling here today. And so I want to just, with this, I want for you to be open to what the Lord wants from you here this morning. But let me ask you this: just by way of introduction: how many of you at some point in your life felt bitter about something?
Now, I know not many of you are just going to quickly raise your hand because we don't like to admit a negative emotion like bitterness. But all of us, if we're honest, would agree that there's some things that maybe have happened to us, happened to somebody that we loved, happened to somebody around us or somebody close to us that has made us angry that possibly has led to the root of bitterness in our heart. You know, Romans chapter number 12, Paul tells us that if it be possible, live peaceably with all men. In other words, live at peace with everyone around you. And how many of you would agree that some people are harder to live at peace with than others?
I think all of us would agree that there's some people like that. And let me tell you this: don't look at them in your living room or nudge the person sitting on the couch next to you, assuming that they are that person. But bitterness. is a real emotion that people face even followers of Christ. Bitterness is a real emotion that people face even followers of Christ.
It is an internal Feeling that eats away at At us. In fact, I looked at some things online about bitterness from some secular authors and writers just about this idea of bitterness. And so we're going to talk about it from a biblical perspective. But here's some things that just bitterness can do to you from a physical perspective. One writer referred to bitterness as the poison.
to the soul. Poison to the soul. Um bitterness affects us physically. Many times when someone's bitter, it leads to a fight or flight type of response. It releases harmful stress hormones that can lead to an immune system breakdown in life.
And perhaps you've been there. Bitterness can cause emotional damage. It leads a person to dwell on unresolved conflict in a person's past. that can lead to depression and even mental illness. It can destroy relationships and affect a person socially.
Ultimately, bitterness can lead to depression, in which we talked about this last week. And it can cause a person to be trapped. Until it is it is dealt with. And let's just be honest. Have you been there?
Perhaps you're watching this here today and you say, That's exactly where I'm at. There's something. I mean, maybe even the Lord already in this service has brought someone or something or something that happened to you into your life already. And you know, nobody else knows that you're feeling the way that you do, but you know right now that there is unresolved conflict in your heart, and there is bitterness that is not dealt with. And let me tell you this: if it is not dealt with, all of those things that can affect you physically, that can affect you socially, that can affect you emotionally, all of those things can happen to you, even if you're a follower of Christ, if bitterness is not.
Delt. With Listen, I want you to know it's something all of us have faced. In fact, I want to tell you a little story of my personal experience with this idea of bitterness. When I graduated Bible College in two thousand seven, I was hired at my home church. I grew up in Asheboro, North Carolina, and so I got hired at my home church.
And so I went there. And really, for a guy right out of Bible college, what an incredible, incredible thing for me to be able to go back to a church where I knew everybody. I'd grown up there my entire life. And so it was a super easy, simple transition.
Well, after a couple of years, that church needed to find a new pastor, and so we went through the pastor search and we got a pastor in. And let's just say it didn't work out between the two of us. And I want you to know that there's a good part of this story as well that I'll get to, but we did not gel well together. In fact, our ministry philosophy was way very different from one another. We didn't really care for some of the same things or the way of doing ministry or the way of leading.
And it was affecting me and him and the work relationship, but it was also affecting the entire church. The church was struggling. There was a lot of conflict. There was a lot of disagreements. There was a lot of tension in the church and different things like that.
And it came to a halt one time in a business meeting. It was a really ugly business meeting. And if you've been a part of churches for any length of time, you know some of those business meetings that you hear about, that you're thinking there is no way Christians would ever act like what I just heard. I'm telling you, I lived through some of that. And it was frustrating and everything.
Well, long story short, that situation led to me having to leave the church. And so I left there willingly because it wasn't a good situation for me or my family. And many people in the church were leaving. And so I left. And I want you to know that when I left, that affected my whole life.
I had come back to Asheboro because that's where my job was.
So for me, this relationship and this unresolved conflict in my life led me to have to find a new job. It led me to have to sell our first home and move. It led me to a new place. And really it destroyed uh what I considered My home, they're in they're in Aspera. And so we left.
And I took a church right here. I became the youth pastor here in 2010. And I want you to know that when I came here, God was using me in the youth ministry. I was preaching every week to students. But I'll tell you this: in my heart, nobody knew, but I had bitterness.
Here's how I'll tell you what bitterness looked like in my life. When I would ever go back through Asheboro, I would not want to ever see the pastor that I worked with. I would avoid certain restaurants because I knew that he frequented some of those and I didn't want to run into him. There were people from my past and from my church that I just would avoid. If I ever saw him, I'd kind of go the other way.
I'd try to not be around him. When I would drive through Asheboro and I would drive by my church, I'm just being honest with you today because this is real. I would drive by my church and I would literally look at the church and I would hope that everybody's leaving, that things are falling apart, and that nothing's going well there. You say, How in the world could you do that and still be in ministry?
Well, listen, it's only by the grace of God that I was still in ministry because internally, my heart was an absolute wreck, and bitterness was just taking everything out of me.
Well, about a year of dealing with that, I finally in my heart realized that if I needed to move on and grow in my spiritual journey, that I needed to make that Right. And at the end of this sermon, I'm going to tell you a story of how I dealt with that issue of bitterness. But I'll tell you this, what I just described about my life in bitterness, There's many of you that are right there. There's many of you that know that, that there's unresolved conflict in your heart that's never been dealt with. And right now, there's people that you never want to see, there's people that you avoid, there's people that, when they walk into the room or they walk into the church, that you look at and you immediately are faced with something that they did to you.
And here's what I want you to know: is that the solution to bitterness is forgiveness. The solution to bitterness is faithful. Forgiveness. And in Matthew chapter number 18, Jesus, he tells us a parable about this very thing, and he talks about this. In Matthew 18, if you have your Bible, you can join me there.
In Matthew 18, verse 21, It says this, then came Peter. To him and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Till seven times.
Now, let me mind you that Jesus had been teaching the multitudes and his apostles were there listening to him. And if you kind of go up just a few verses in verse 15, it says this: Moreover, this is Jesus teaching: if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone. If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. And so Jesus was teaching this multitude, and clearly he was teaching about conflict and unresolved conflict and how we as followers of Christ should handle conflict. And clearly, something was triggering there in Peter's mind and in Peter's heart.
And so Peter, after Jesus had taught, Peter goes to him and he says, Jesus, I need to hear a little bit more about this whole forgiveness thing, this whole conflict resolution thing. How many times am I supposed to forgive my brother? And he even throws a number on it. He answers his own question and he says, Is seven times enough? And he would think seven times is a lot.
And so clearly, that had to be an answer that Jesus would be impressed with. But in verse 22, Jesus said unto him, I say not unto thee until seven times, but until 70 times seven times. Seven. Until 70 times 7. And obviously, Jesus is exaggerating here because I don't think that's 490.
I don't think Jesus is ever saying that here that you forgive somebody 490 times, but then on the 49 first time, then you could just not forgive them and things like that. He was using this exaggerated principle that there is no limit to the forgiveness that we should offer one another. And he goes into this parable, verse 23: Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take an account of his servants. And when he had began or begun to reckon, one was brought unto him which owed him 10,000 talents. Let me tell you this: that's a lot of money.
That would be like millions of dollars today.
So 10,000 talents is a ton of money. It was impossible for somebody to ever repay something like 10,000 talents. Verse 25. But for as much as he had not to pay, his Lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee.
All Then the Lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and he loosed him, and he forgave him. The debt. If you mark in your Bible, I'd encourage you to mark that word forgave or forgave him the debt. Mark next to that, canceled. In other words, this servant owed his master a sum of money that was impossible to ever repay.
There was not enough work he could do. There was not enough side jobs that he could work in order to get this type of money. And so he goes to his master and he asks for forgiveness. And he tells him, and his master has compassion on him and canceled his debt altogether. Paid in full, it's done.
I'm never going to bring it up again. Verse 28. But the same servant, he went out and found one of his fellow servants which owed him a hundred pence. And that's not as much as 10,000 talents, but it is still several days' worth of wages. And this guy owed him that, and so it says in verse 28, he laid hands on him.
and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellow servant fell down at his feet and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not, but went and cast him into prison till he should pay the debt.
So when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their Lord all that was done. Then his Lord, after that, he had called him and said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt because thou desirest me. Verse 33, shouldest not Thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee. And his Lord is angry. delivered him to the tormentors till he should pay all that was due unto him.
So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if you from your hearts forgive not every one his brother. their trespasses.
So, this story, Jesus tells he's answering Peter's question: How many times should we forgive? And he uses this parable. There was a master with a servant. and the servant owed him an impossible debt. and the master canceled the debt altogether, and forgave him of it.
And then that same servant left and he went to a fellow servant who owed him a little bit of money. And he went to him, and when that guy couldn't pay him back, he actually, it says, laid hands on him. I think he strangled him and eventually threw him into prison. And you gotta think, what in the world? And basically, Jesus is trying to teach Peter something about this idea of forgiveness.
And here's the theme, really, that we see here in this text of Matthew 18: is that the forgiveness. that we have experienced by God. is the basis by which we are to forgive others. Let me say that again. The forgiveness that we have experienced by God.
is the basis by which we are to forgive. Others. And so today, I want to give you some thoughts from this passage. about bitterness and forgiveness. Because the solution to bitterness, and we all talked about it, listen, I aired out some dirty laundry in my past about how I felt in my heart about other people and about a church and about leadership and things like that.
Let me just be honest. There's some of you that you need to air out some laundry today and you need to be honest with yourself and those around you that there's something internally wrong that you have not dealt with. And let me tell you this, that if you have those feelings like I described earlier, that is bitterness. And the only solution to that bitterness that is eating away inside of you. is ultimate forgiveness.
And the forgiveness that we have experienced by God is the basis by which we are to forgive others.
So, just a few thoughts about it. Number one, The scope of Christ-like forgiveness. The scope of Christ-like forgiveness. How far is it? Let's just be honest.
What does this 70 times 7 thing mean? Here's just a couple of thoughts. First, Jesus' forgiveness is limitless. Jesus' forgiveness is limitless. You see, we struggle sometimes with relationships keeping score, right?
We keep score and what we deposit into other people's lives. And therefore, when something happens to us, we immediately go on the defense of like, well, you don't realize what I have done, right? We always keep score and things like that. And I mean, we've all been in arguments from time to time, right, about something, and then you feel like it's a good idea to bring up everything else that you do because you've been keeping score and different things like that. Let me tell you this: that Jesus's point here is that in our relationships, we do not keep score.
There is no score in your relationships with other people, and we should forgive people, and that should be limitless. There should be no limit to how much we are willing to forgive when it comes to other people. But also, Jesus' forgiveness should be the attitude of Christ's followers. You see, Jesus came. to teach us a new way of living.
And so, you, Christ followers, if you know Jesus, you should respond to conflict way different than somebody who doesn't know Christ. Our flesh and the world would tell you that you don't have to forgive. Like if they've wronged you, wrong them back. Or if they wronged you, don't befriend them, or don't be around them, and don't forgive them. And Jesus' way of living is so different than that.
Forgiveness should be the go-to attitude of Christ. when it comes to our relationships with one another. That's the scope of Christ-like forgiveness. Jesus says, forgiveness, it's limitless, and it should be the natural response and attitude of our hearts towards other people when it comes to conflict or disagreement. Number two, the need for Christ-like forgiveness.
The need for Christ-like forgiveness. A life lived without the presence of forgiveness, it opens up the door to broken relationships. Let me give you a few thoughts here from our text. You see in verse 28. That if you withhold forgiveness.
It makes us a lot of times behave the wrong way. Does it not? In verse 28. This man He didn't forgive his fellow servant.
So, what did he do? He choked him. He grabbed him. He laid his hands on him. Listen, when you don't forgive.
It allows you to behave. in wrong ways. It allows us to overreact. Right? I mean, think about this.
If you ever have blown up at somebody, maybe you've lost control. Your temper got the best of you, and you lost full control, and you were just like an almost out-of-body type of experience, and you just lose it. You have a mental breakdown, an emotional breakdown, and you lose it. And afterwards, you're like, where in the world did that come from? Like, that doesn't even come out.
Here's what I'll tell you: it came from bitterness in your soul. When we have bitterness in our soul, a lot of times it leads to behaviors on the outside that we can't even. We can't even describe. And it leads us to behaving the wrong way.
So if you're having outbursts and different things, you wonder what's wrong, it could be because you haven't dealt with the bitterness in your soul. You have unresolved conflict in your soul. And when that's not dealt with, you'll behave the wrong way. But also, withholding bitterness, it confines us. to the prison of bitterness.
Let me tell you that unforgiveness had hurt you. More than the other person. It hurts you more than the person that wronged you. What it does is it puts you in prison. And you can't get out.
Until you forgive. That's what bitterness does. I like what one author said. He said, about forgiveness. He says forgiveness is giving someone from the past what they don't deserve.
so that we can give those in the present around us what they do deserve. You see, when you don't deal with conflict and you don't forgive people and you harbor bitterness, what you do is you take that into your current relationships. You take what happened in your previous marriage into a new marriage. You take what happened to, you know, in your childhood to your children. You take what happened at your last job into your current job.
You take what happened here into your family, and you take what happened possibly at your work, at home, to your house with you, and your wife and your husband or your children are like, why are you acting this way? Why are you treating us this way? This wasn't us. And what's happening is because there's bitterness in your soul, you're now taking it to everybody else.
So, what the author is saying is this: that forgiveness is giving someone in your past maybe what they don't deserve, so that those in the present. can get what they do deserve. That's what bitterness and withholding forgiveness do. Withholding forgiveness, it reveals the condition of your heart. In verse 35.
It said, So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts. Forgive. You see, forgiveness is ultimately a heart issue.
So, if you have bitterness in your heart, let me tell you this, and I'm preaching to the choir because I've been there. I was in ministry where you are.
So listen, it can happen to any of us.
So if you're watching this today and you're thinking, man, I have anger, I have hatred, I have bitterness in my heart towards somebody nobody else knows about, let me tell you this. I've been there. It's ultimately a heart issue. It's a pride issue. You want to be right, and so therefore you hold it.
And listen, withholding forgiveness, it reveals the condition of your heart because the gospel is a. Inside out. way of living. Number three, let's look at the heart of Christ-like forgiveness. The heart.
So what is that heart supposed to look like?
Well, let me tell you this: that the only way that you can extend forgiveness. to others. is if you've first met true forgiveness in a relationship with Jesus. In other words, you could say it this way, forgiven people forgive others. You see, your heart must be forgiven in order for you to forgive others.
That's what the gospel is. You see, the gospel, what Jesus has done for us, he has forgiven you from a debt that you could never pay. It was an amount of money, but it was a debt that you could never pay. There was not enough good deeds. There was not enough money you could give.
There was not enough good things that we could ever do. And what Jesus did was Jesus came. And he died for you, completely canceling the debt that you and I have ever paid. And he forgave you of all of it. You see, that's the basis on which we forgive others.
And when you trust in Jesus, what happens in you is you are changed. That inside of you, your heart condition has changed to where now, because your heart condition has changed, you can now go out and forgive other people. You see, the cross shows us the attitude of forgiveness, and here's what it is: it's found in one word: compassion. It's found in the word compassion. It's the very heart of God.
John 3:16, for God so loved the world that He gave. You see, your wrongdoing, your sin, it separated you from the Father. And Jesus coming to die on that cross for you, He forgave you of that and He reconciled your life back to the Father and back to your Creator. He redeemed you. And you see, Jesus, he responded, Did you deserve forgiveness?
No. Our ability to forgive is not based on if they deserve it or not. It's based on what Jesus has done in your heart. And we have to understand that. When you understand the forgiveness of God, the only response is to forgive.
Others. And you say Pastor Josh. You don't know my situation. You don't know the hurt that I've received. And I'll tell you this, I don't.
And I'm sorry, many of you have probably been wronged. Many of you have experienced hurt in your life that, you know, I don't understand. I can't empathize with you. And I get that. We've all been hurt from time to time, and I'm sorry that you've been wrong, but let me tell you this.
If the heart of God has been extended to you. through forgiveness. How much more should we show others? the same type of forgiveness. In other words.
If God has forgiven us. Why would we ever withhold forgiveness from anybody else? For many bodies. It could be from a previous relationship. It could be from your parents growing up.
Things that have said to you, maybe a previous employer, maybe a previous church experience. And you've been harboring it, and you take that into something else constantly, and you're taking what happened to you into everywhere else, and you're harboring bitterness, and you're carrying the weight and the baggage of what bitterness does in your heart. And you're refusing to forgive. Let me tell you this. That Jesus has forgiven you, and therefore we can forgive others.
I want to give you some concluding thoughts here today. Have you experienced the forgiveness of God in your life through salvation? The first question is: We kind of wrap this up and we respond to this parable that Jesus has taught us today. We have to answer this question, have we experienced the forgiveness of God? in our life.
through salvation. In other words, with God, have we experienced it? Because that's where it begins. If you want to forgive others, the first question you have to ask: have we been forgiven? Starts there.
Number two, spiritual growth happens when we are willing to address. The wrongs that we have done or that others have done to us. And then number three, forgiveness. does not require that you rehash the wrong.
Sometimes we think we got to rehash everything that happened years ago. Doesn't mean that. Here's the point: being right with each other. is more important than being right at one another. Let me say that again, being right with one another.
It's way more important than being right at one another. Because a lot of us, what we want to do is we want to prove our point. We want to prove that we were right. And let me tell you this: that doesn't matter near as much as being right with one another.
So let me go back to my story. That told you.
So I dealt with bitterness for about a year. hate, anger, frustration. Just really, just this these terrible internal feelings. But I can never talk about it because as a pastor, you would feel like the worst person in the world if you shared this with anybody.
Some of you have lost respect for me even today, probably hearing this. But that's really what I was dealing with.
So about a year, I was preaching on forgiveness about a year later to my students. And I was preaching on this, I'll never forget it, and I just was overloaded with conviction because I was looking at what Christ had forgave me of. And I was thinking the whole time, I did nothing wrong. That guy should be asking me for forgiveness and everything like that. And I was saying all these things.
I was like, I was wronged, and I was right. And what he did, it made me move away. It made me find a new job. It made me sell our first house. It took us through just a lot of crazy experiences.
And I I would put all these things and excuses and all the stuff. And as I was praying in my office, I was just overloaded with what Christ has done for me and what He's forgiven me of.
So I reached out, I emailed my previous pastor and just emailed him, and I asked him for forgiveness. And because Asheboro is not too far away, I went to lunch and came back from lunch that day, and my pastor was. Parked in our parking lot. And I was like, what in the world? I knew the truck from anywhere because I would have avoided that truck, right?
We saw each other and we made everything right that day. And I've had an opportunity to preach for him. And we have a great relationship. And believe it or not, that happened back in 2008, 2009. We talk and text frequently today.
And I'll tell you this: that like I that day experienced freedom. And here's what I'll tell you. I literally remember the moments driving by hoping that he's failing as a pastor, he's failing as a leader, and all these different things. And I kid you not, when I think of him and his family, I think nothing but good things today. You say, How in the world can your heart go from feelings of hate to feelings of love?
There's only one answer. the gospel. And when the gospel has so internally changed my heart, it will change the way that I look and the way that I view one another. Another.
So let me encourage you, if you have bitterness in your spirit, bitterness at your heart, the best thing that you can do, and the solution to your bitterness. Is ultimate forgiveness because forgiven people forgive. others.
