Welcome to the InTouch podcast with Charles Stanley for Thursday, May 14th. What happens when unforgiveness takes root in a believer's heart? Today, find out how to overcome bitterness and experience freedom from bondage. Suppose tomorrow morning when you go to work, You have to go with your hands bound. And on both your ankles, there is a chain with a big ball, weighs about 30 pounds.
Well, several things would happen. First of all, whatever your responsibility is, you would have a real hindrance in achieving what you set out to achieve tomorrow. Secondly, you would feel a real energy drain because your mind would be divided. and you would find yourself hampered all day long. We were made to function with freedom and be able to walk wherever we want to walk, not pulling balls and chains, not having ourselves bound in any form or fashion.
And the same thing is true in our own spiritual life.
Well, Satan is very, very smart. He's not omniscient. He doesn't know everything, but he's so smart, he knows how to camouflage and to cloud our minds. He knows how to paint. in false colors what you and I have a very difficult time detecting.
Because you see, there are attitudes oftentimes within us. that bind us and keep us from becoming the person God wants us to be.
Now if I'm unwilling to look within myself to examine myself, If I always want to be blaming someone else for the problems I face, then I've got a real problem. But if I'm willing to look on the inside, I may just find out what it is that's binding me.
Well, when Paul wrote the book of Ephesians, he wrote the book to a group of people. And one of those problems that they had was a problem. That oftentimes is experienced by people today and don't even realize it, or if it is there, they refuse to acknowledge. They just repress it. That is, it's not there.
If it's there and they realize it, they suppress it, they don't want to deal with it. And so one of those situations is found in Ephesians chapter 4. And if you'll turn there, let's read two verses, verses 31 and 32. There is a basic form of bondage which results In the actions that Paul mentions here in this 31st verse.
So he says, In verse 31, let all bitterness and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. and be kind one to another. Tenderhearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ has also forgiven you. What a tremendous contrast. Look at this.
Here's one who's full of bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice. The other one is tender-hearted, forgiving. And kind.
Now, I want us to look at verse 31 to look at those words. He says, Let all bitterness, that's resentment and harshness, and wrath, which is in essence a violent outburst of anger. That's what wrath is, just a violent outburst of anger. And then simply anger and clamor, which is an outcry of passion resulting from anger or bitterness. And slander, which is injurious speech.
You want to injure someone with your mouth. Let it all be put away from you, along with malice, which is an intention or a desire. an intention or a desire to injure someone else. He said, put all of that kind of stuff away.
Well, that sounds pretty easy. Just put it away. Then he says, What you do is, he says, bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and malice. He said, just put all that away from you, and then have this kind, tenderhearted, forgiving spirit.
Well, that sounds good in those two verses. The only problem is. Suppose I don't even realize that I'm bitter. And secondly, even if we do, Even if I realize it, how do you just put it away?
Well, that's what I want us to talk about because you see, one of the primary reasons so many people are in bondage. and just can't seem Can't experience the love of God flowing through them is simply because. It's all dammed up. It's all plugged up. You see, if you have bitterness and resentment in your life, what you do is you have an attitude toward other people.
And what you're doing is you're building this wall around you, this wall to protect you from any further hurt. Any further exercise of bitterness, any further resentments, and you just build this wall until finally you build it so high to protect yourself. That You are isolated. You become lonely. You have those feelings of wondering if anybody cares, if anybody really is concerned.
And what you do, you build yourself into an impossible position. You enclose yourself. You hide behind the wall.
So you go to work behind this wall. And you fellowship behind this wall. And you live in a family behind this wall that you build up because you see, you don't want to be hurt anymore. And the resentments and the bitternesses and the hostility and the rebellion, all of that is a part of the stones in the wall which you have built to protect yourself from others.
Now What we have to ask is, what is the basic root cause of that? That is, what is beneath my bitterness, what is beneath my resentment, what is beneath my anger. What is beneath it all is the only thing that can get rid of that. Because you see, when he says, put all this away, you don't put it away by saying, well, I'm not going to be resentful anymore. I'm not going to be bitter anymore.
I've just decided I'm not going to be bitter. I've decided that I'm just not going to be angry anymore.
Well, you and I know that doesn't work. Here's the root basic problem. My problem, listen. The fruit is bitterness, but my root is I have an unforgiving spirit.
Now, here's what Satan does: Satan camouflages that. And Satan's got his own dictionary. Did you know that? Listen, he's got a dictionary. The only problem is, all of his words are defined according to satanic definition.
Because God says the problem here is an unforgiving spirit. Here's what Satan says: Satan says, Hear the words you use. You say, and this is what we said, it's a cover-up. It's a camouflage. And you see, it's much easier for us to use Satan's word dictionary than God's, because what we say is, You know, I'm just hurt.
You know, I'm really disappointed, so-and-so. You know, I'm just disillusioned with her.
Well, you know I'm just frustrated. All those words are substitutes. The truth is, I have an unforgiving spirit, and God wants me to deal with me, not them.
Now my friend, God can never send revival to any place or anybody as long as there's an unforgiving spirit. The love of God will never, cannot under any condition ever flow in the life that is dammed up with unforgiveness. Parents will never be able to endure their children as long as there's an unforgiving spirit. Young people, adults, will never be able to enjoy their parents unless there's a forgiving spirit. Employers and employees will never be able to work together the way they ought to.
Production can never be what it ought to be as long as there is resentment and bitterness in the business. It cannot be because you can't do your best full of bitterness and resentment. The love of God cannot flow through you. You cannot be the person God wants you to be. You won't be that person.
You won't be free. You won't soar, but you'll drag through life bound by attitudes that you yourself allow into your life. And God wants these things out of your life so that you can become the person you want to be, that you ought to be. And likewise, listen, so that you can become the vessel through whom God's love is able to flow. God wants to flow through your life.
He says His life is our life. But if I'm full of resentment and bitterness and hostility, if I have an unforgiving spirit, then all this tremendous love of God is dammed up within my life. And I cannot reach over the wall because you see I've built it so high to protect myself. The love of God can't flow through me? I can't reach over there where other folks are.
Why in the world am I going to be concerned about somebody else if the only thing I can be concerned about is surviving this hostility and this anger within my life? And I want to say to you, when he says, put it away, it's exactly what he means, put it away. For your health's sake, put it away. For your emotions, put it away. Listen.
When a person lives with bitterness and resentment and hostility, when they live with anger and malice toward other people, what is happening is emotionally there is a continuous drain. There is a continuous drain of emotional energy. There's a continuous drain of mental energy. There's a continuous drain of physical energy. You can never be your peak.
You can never reach your maximum. You can never be your best as long as those attitudes dominate your life. But what we have to ask at this point is this, and that is... Why do we not forgive others when they wronged us? What is the motivation?
Why is it we can't forgive them?
Well, I want to mention just two or three reasons, and the first one is this. Even though, and let's put it in a category, in a context, so there's no question about it. Let's say, for example, that you have been liberally, deliberately, willfully, knowingly wronged. No question about it. No question about where that wrong has its source.
Somebody has wronged you. And let's say that that is the fact, no question about it. Why is it that you and I as believers cannot forgive the other person? Why won't we forgive them? We can, but why do we think we cannot?
Well, first of all, the first reason we don't forgive is we are protecting big I.
Somebody has harmed Big Eye.
Somebody has intruded in on Big Eye. And so, what happens is because Big Eye has been harmed, and because You see, the problem is that you're selfish. Did you hear that? We are selfish, and so whenever big eyes are on the throne, we're selfish. And we're expressing selfishness.
I don't want to be hurt. I've been wronged, I've got a case against them, and I'm looking for other evidence that I'm right, and they're wrong. And so that's what we do.
So we're trying to protect big eye. That's one of the reasons that we can't be forgiving and we don't forgive because you see, big eye says, I've been wrong. I have my rights. And if I'm going to. Survive this, you're going to have to pay.
And so first of all, I'm trying to protect big eye. And because Jesus Christ, though he's my life, is not on the throne of my life, and because I've not recognized him as my life and as Lord of my life, I'm trying to protect myself. And so that's the way I live. And so what happens? Because I am self-centered and I am committed to protecting big I, how am I going to forgive you?
You see, the second reason we're not forgiving is this. We have a wrong perspective on forgiveness. What we say, we say, well, yeah, I forgive you, but The problem is, listen, the problem is we demand justice. You've wronged me and I demand justice. When you've paid off your debt to me, then I'll forgive you.
What debt?
Well, you know what you said about me. You know what you did to me when you were able to pay that off. You and I wouldn't tell somebody how they're going to pay it off. Isn't it interesting that when a person gets bitter and resentful and full of malice? That whatever little thing was done gets bigger and larger, it becomes so grandiose that not even God could pay off that debt in their mind.
I mean, it is absolutely totally out of context. And sometimes it's a little old something that maybe the person didn't even mean. And worse than that is that sometimes we think someone has wronged us who has not wronged us at all. Who never meant anything by what was said, whose motivation was pure, and here we are, full of malice, full of bitterness, full of resentment, and we're just churning on the inside, and we're aching on the inside, and we're full of old garbage that we've concocted in our minds, and we're just full of it. And here's that person, they don't even know we're around.
You know what happens when that happens to you? You become the prisoner of your own bondage, of your own making. And listen, even if the person has wronged you and you've not been forgiving toward them, you become their prisoner. If they've wronged you and they have malice towards you, let's say they've used you, abused you, whatever it might be, and you're angry in return and you're rebellious in return and hostile and bitter and revengeful toward them, what happens is they've really got you across the barrel because you have all this binding and this churning going on on the inside, this bitterness and resentment and tension and stress trying to live and you're going to get back and you're going to vindicate yourself. Not only have they wronged you verbally, but they've made you a prisoner of their wrongs and you're suffering physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as a result.
And you're the one who's hurting the most. Listen, one of the reasons he said put all this stuff away is that God doesn't want us to, listen, he doesn't want us committing suicide by degrees. Bitterness and resentment and hostility is, listen, it's suicide by slow degrees. He says, put all this away. But listen, if the only thing, if my priority in life is to protect myself, I'm not going to have a forgiving spirit.
If secondly, I'm expecting you to pay off. You've wronged me, and when you do so-and-so, then I'll forgive you. You see, what we do. is we build ourselves behind this tremendous wall. We make requirements of those who have wronged us, which they'll never be able to fulfill.
There's no way for them to fulfill it. How can I be forgiving in evidence? You heard people say, I just can't forgive them. That's a devil's lie. It's not that they can't, they won't.
Because they are so protective of Big Eye, how in the world is Big Eye going to be injured like this? How am I going to be injured like this and then simply be forgiving toward the other person?
So I'm going to protect myself because I'm selfish. I'm going to look at my life and recognize that what's been done to me, they owe me something.
Now listen, the verse of Scripture that says, owe no man anything but to love him, usually we take that passage and we interpret that to mean don't be financially in debt. And I don't think God wants us financially in debt. But what that verse really means is that I listen, I am to hold no debt of any person regardless of what they've done to me. I'm to be forgiving. I'm to owe them nothing but forgiveness.
It matters not what they've done, I am to be forgiving toward them. A third reason we're not forgiving is this. Let's say, for example, you've seen people who've run from one council to the other. They don't want the truth. They want somebody to tell them that they are right in their sin and their disobedience to God.
You don't think people act that way? Friend, you just talk to any counselor, any counsel, and they'll tell you. Folks go from one to the other because they listen, they don't want to settle their problem. They just want to, they like talking about it. You've seen people who love talking about being sick.
They'll tell you all about it. They'll tell you some things, they don't have any business telling you about it. They tell you all the details because they love to talk about it. If they were to get well, you know what happened? They had to change their conversation.
Because they don't have anything to talk about. There's some people who will not forgive because, now I'm not saying they understand this, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying they've planned it this way. I'm saying that because they're deceived, they get their needs met out of all this attention of how they have been harmed and how they've been wronged and how they've been misused and how they've been abused. They get all this effort, and that meets a need in their life.
The problem is, it is devastating ultimately. Yeah. When you and I think about a forgiving spirit, he says, let it be put away from you. That is, put it away. And you see, You see, part of the problem sometimes is we will get in on somebody else's problem and situation.
We want to take up a fence.
Now, you see, there's no way in the world to gossip and to carry on. False information. Listen, even if it's true information, Even if you have been wronged, what good does it do to tell anybody else unless it is somebody in whom you have confidence who will not take up an offense but who will pray with you, for you, and for the other person? When you take up somebody's offense, listen, how many times are squabbles? Fusses and fights in churches and offices where you work because somebody takes up your offense.
Well, I'll tell you right now, if they did that to you, I'm going to get them straightened out. I'm going to tell them right now. Then they go to that person, what happens? Then they're churning.
Now they got two people who are mad at them. Then, you know, you can have a whole office full of people who are angry at somebody and hostile and rebellious. You know what happens? Everybody in there is suffering because you had to dump your garbage on them. He says, put all that junk away.
He says, that's garbage, bitterness, and resentment, and all of these things. And you see, when you grow up with this, Years and years and years in your life of this kind of thing. And you repress it, that means you deny it's there. You suppress it, you accept the fact that it's there, but you don't want to deal with it. Listen, no counselor can ever help anybody who represses the truth or suppresses the truth.
No, I am not angry. I've never been angry. No, I'm not angry toward that person. Or, yes, I'm angry, but I'm not ready to deal with it. Then you can't be helped.
I don't care who you are, you can't be helped as long as you're repressing or suppressing bitterness and resentment and hostility and rebellion and vengeance towards someone else.
So, for example, here's what I want you to say: here are children who grew up in a home. Where the parents have rejected them. And the kids I'm not saying the parents intended to. But the kids grow up and they are hostile. And they're angry.
Oh, they're bitter and they're resentful.
So, here's what Satan does: Satan says: Now, look, what you do is you just push that down. They just keep it down there because, after all, that is your father or your mother, and you're not supposed to feel that way. And since you're not supposed to feel that way, you don't feel that way, so you just repress it. No, I don't feel angry. Right beneath the surface of our consciousness You can get bitter and angry and resentful toward God.
and live with that all of your life, and you know what happens? It all takes its toll in your physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional life. Thank you for listening to Freedom from Bondage. For more inspirational messages like this one, visit our online 24-7 station. And if you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or In Touch Ministries, stop by intouch.org.
This podcast is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.
