Welcome to Turning Point. Few choices have greater impact than your choice of friends, for better or worse. Today, Dr. David Jeremiah looks at friendship through the eyes of Solomon with encouragement to help you choose your friends wisely. Powerful principles from Proverbs.
Here's David to introduce his message: power up your personal relationships, personal friendships. And this message makes me remember some days in my past when, as a young pastor in Indiana, we used to foster what we called friendship Sundays. We encouraged our people to invite their friends, and we made a big deal out of it.
Sometimes we had a contest with it. And you know what I preached on? I preached on friendship, and my texts were almost always from the book of Proverbs, because Proverbs has a lot to say about friends. And we're going to talk about that today on this edition of Turning Point. Before we get to the lesson, however, let me tell you that our special resource for the month of August is a beautiful brand new book called God's Heart for Israel.
I can't imagine having written something and find a more appropriate time for it to be received. In this day and age when anti-Semitism seems to be on the rise, it's important for us as followers of Christ and students of the Word of God. To know what God's position is on this issue, and He makes it very clear. I've Combined a lot of these passages and condensed them and brought them into chapter format. And this book, which is about 100 plus pages, will help you understand what our response should be to the nation of Israel in this day when so much pressure is being placed upon them.
I hope you'll read it. Because there is a Christian position on this, and we need to know what it is. This book is yours for the asking when you send your gift to Turning Point during the month of August. As you know, this is a vacation month, and so we need you all to stay with us during this time and help us stay strong as we share the Word of God to people around the world. Here is part one of Power Up Your Personal Relationships, Personal Friendships from the Book of Proverbs.
You know, there are many Christians that you meet from time to time who say, I don't really need friends. I have the Lord. I've heard that. And when you get to know them, you know why they don't have any friends. But how many of you know that God does his best work through other people, and that he does his best loving through people, that God Put us on this earth, and then he put us together on this earth so that we could express love and friendship one to another.
And life is so difficult that we all need friends, don't we? And you show me a person who says he doesn't need a friend or she doesn't need a friend, and I'll show you a person who is proud and arrogant and soon headed for a fall. Because all of us have tremendous needs in our lives for friendship. And even now, as I say that, some of you are thinking of the friends that you have in your life who are so special to you. Clara Noll, who was a young single woman in Oklahoma City, described what she called one of the worst days in her life.
She said the Washing machine broke down, the telephone kept ringing, her headached. The mail carrier brought a bill she didn't have any money to pay. Almost to the breaking point, she lifted her one-year-old into his high chair. leaned her head against the tray and began to cry. Without a word, her son took his pacifier out of his mouth and stuck it into hers.
How many of you have been there and done that?
Okay. It's at a time like that that you need somebody. who can be a friend.
Now friendship is a much misunderstood term.
Someone said, A friend is one in front of whom you can be your own true self.
Someone else has said, A friend is one who will make us do what we can when we are saying that we can't. There are so many definitions of friendships. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, I do with my friends as I do with my books. I would have them where I could find them, but I seldom used them. Friends are not to be used, they're to be there when we need them.
And someone else has written that friendship is the only thing in the world concerning the usefulness of which all mankind is agreed. When I talk about friends, what do I mean? There are frankly four different levels of friends. that you need to know about. First of all, there are contact friends.
people you meet in your daily life. People that you pass, the acquaintances, the people that you know, the people that you say hello to. You might say of them, they're my friends, but they're basically just. Contact friends, people that you meet from time to time, but you don't know them and they don't really know you. Then there are casual friends.
People who have common interests with you. People who like the same things you like. People who You can talk about certain subjects with and know that you're in agreement. Maybe they're Democrats and you're a Democrat. Maybe they're Republicans and you're Republicans.
I guarantee you're having lots of conversations with your friends these days. Mm. And then there are people you might call close friends. Those with whom you share common goals. Maybe it's your partner in business, your neighbor at home.
Someone you sit with at church.
someone you feel close to. But the kind of friendship that I want to talk about from the book of Proverbs is not any of the three that I have mentioned, but rather, I want to talk about committed friends. A person who cares enough about you to confront you when you're wrong. One who stays with you in the thick and the thin. If you have one friend like that, you are blessed indeed.
And you ought to count it all joy that God has given you one somebody like that. If you have two, you are the richest of all people. Because friends like that are a rare commodity in today's busy, impersonal world. And you need to choose your friends carefully. Because if you want a friend who's going to be committed to you, you want to make sure you get the right one.
That's why the book of Proverbs says in Proverbs 12, 26, The righteous should choose his friends carefully. For the way of the wicked leads them astray. The NIV translates that word this way: A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads him astray. The living Bible says it this way: The good man asks advice from friends. The wicked plunges ahead and falls.
Cannot always choose your vocation. or your surroundings. in the world. But you can choose your friends. You have the right to do that, and you have the responsibility to do that.
The philosopher Antisthenes used to wonder that men would examine carefully an earthen vessel which they were about to buy for just a few cents to see whether there were any cracks or flaws in the vessel. And yet, those same men, he said, would exercise absolutely no thought or care in the choice of their friends. We oftentimes allow friendship to happen to us instead of taking the initiative. to find friends who can be faithful. In the book of Proverbs, the word friend, companion, neighbor.
Are sometimes a translation of the same Old Testament word. And in the 27th chapter of the book of Proverbs, by implication or by statements that connect with other Proverbs, we can discover five different kinds of friendships. The first kind of friend that you're going to meet in the book of Proverbs, chapter 27, is a foolish friend. You know, it's possible to have foolish friends. And Proverbs chapter 27 and verse 3 says this.
A stone is heavy and sand is weighty, but a fool's wrath is heavier than both of them.
Now remember, the book of Proverbs is a very visual book, so when you read these Proverbs, try to think in your mind the picture that they're painting. Verse 22 says, Though you grind a fool in mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, yet his foolishness will still not depart from him. What that's saying in so many words in today's vernacular, you can beat him to a pulp and he'll still be foolish. Back in Proverbs chapter 1 and verse 7, it says, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. The Bible says you can end up if you're not careful with friendships that you have forged with foolish people.
Proverbs 1.32 says, For the turning away of the simple will slay them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them. And Proverbs 22:3 says, A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple or the fool passes on and is punished. According to Proverbs, A man is a fool. Who is naive and without convictions and gullible? We're not talking here about a person who is without intellect.
A fool in the book of Proverbs is a rebellious person, a person who neglects the counsel that's given to him by those who care for him. The rebellious fool believes every word, but the prudent or the wise man considers his steps. Fools lack discipline and have little discernment. Fools are naive. A fool is somebody who just believes anything.
And you don't want to have friendships with the foolish because you will end up. just like them. Proverbs 13:20 is the key verse in this point. Listen carefully. He who walks with wise men will be wise.
But the companion or the friend of fools will be destroyed. I cannot emphasize this enough: that the choice you make of your friendships will be so much the determination of your life. That if you choose bad friends, they will have bad influence on you. The peer pressures that young people face when they're drawn in to the kinds of things that friendships can do to them if they're wrong. We could write a book about those stories.
They're sad indeed. Business alliances are the same when we grow into adulthood. If we're not careful, we end up forging alliances with people. Who do not share the same goals that we have and will take us in the wrong direction?
Now, the Bible is not saying that we should have no friends who are outside of the faith. That is isolationism. And for so long, fundamentalists and separatists have said: if you're a Christian, you should only have Christian friends. My goodness, how are we going to win the world if we don't have friendships with those in the world? I'm not talking here about casual friendships.
Or contact friendships. I'm talking here about committed friendships. You don't want to forge a committed friendship with somebody who doesn't embrace your values and your God. Because if you are not careful, that committed friendship. will cause you to move from your commitment To the greatest friend you ever had in your life, the Lord Jesus Himself.
I think this is what James was trying to get across in his epistle in the fourth chapter when he said. Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Yeah. Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. It's a good reminder.
that it is possible to have foolish friendships that can lead you astray. A preacher of another generation. logged this story in one of his books. He said, I frequently go down to the penitentiary to visit a man who was serving a life term. This is how it happened.
He had not been long in this country. He was from another country. One evening, he went out with a group of men who had invited him to accompany them. The first thing he knew, they were robbing a store. In the shooting which ensued, the woman was fatally wounded.
Sometime afterward, the young man who did not even know that a murder had been committed and who actually had nothing to do with it was picked up. and interrogated by the police. whom he told frankly that he had been out that night with a group of men. Thank you. He was tried and sentenced to life in prison for murder, and legally so.
as he was in the company of those who had committed the crime. It was just one night of thoughtless, careless friendship. and it ruined his life. I don't want to make this bigger than it is. But I do want to tell you that your choice of friends is critical according to the Word of God.
Somebody said, Well, I want to forge a relationship with them and I will influence them my way. It almost. always is a two-way influence.
Sometimes I hear unknowing young people, Christian young people, I'm sad to say. Tell me that they're planning to forge the most intimate of friendships, a marriage with somebody who's not a believer. with the excuse that they'll win them after the marriage. And I can tell you, if you want to study the statistics on that one, you will not do it. Because Most people are on their best behavior before marriage, and then after marriage comes, they settle into their old patterns.
Foolish friends. Let me talk for a moment about faithful friends. For here in this same passage of Scripture, in the sixth verse of the 27th chapter, we read. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy. are deceitful.
Now, let's take the last part of that verse and understand what it says so that we can understand the first part of it. The last part of the verse says, The kisses of an enemy are deceitful. And if you have your Bibles open to the 27th chapter, if you go back into Proverbs chapter 26, beginning at the 23rd verse, you will find a little commentary. On that section of chapter 27, verse 6, in verse 23, it says this: Listen to this. fervent lips With a wicked heart.
Are like earthenware covered with silver dross. He who hates disguises it with his lips and lays open deceit within himself. When he speaks kindly, do not believe him. For there are seven abominations in his heart. I want you to get the picture that the writer of Proverbs paints with his little word picture.
He says, that fervent lips With a wicked heart. are like an earthen jar covered with silver. A silver-covered earthen jar. In other words, What you see on the outside is what's not on the inside. These people are fervent in their friendship words in their flattering tongue.
But in their heart there is deceit. In fact, it says in this chapter: there are seven abominations in their heart. You can't always tell a friend by their friendliness, can you? Do you know that some people are born strokers? By that, I mean they can't help it.
They just have to stroke you every time they see you. You're the most wonderful person in the world. That's the most wonderful message I've ever heard. You're the greatest preacher who ever lived. And I'm thinking, where have these people been?
I mean, it's wonderful to be complimented, and we always appreciate reinforcement in the areas where we serve and what we do. But when a person is overwhelmed in that regard, when he continues with that over and over again, sometimes you have to stop and ask: what's that person up to? What's really going on in their heart. You know, when a person is your true friend, just a word will do. But if they have another agenda, sometimes it is in the multiplication of words that you become suspicious.
And the writer of Proverbs says we have every right to do that because there is a kind of friend who is faithless. Who will say one thing with his lips? Who will humor your fancies and flatter your pride. But down in their heart, they have another agenda. Faithful friends do not try to force their personal opinions on the lives of others.
They try to help in a biblical way, and you can always spot it if you watch for it. Romans 15:2 gives us a little definition of a faithful friend. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good. Leading to edification, building up. Ephesians 4:2 says it this way: with all lowliness and gentleness, with long-suffering, bearing up one another in love.
And Proverbs 9:8 adds this warning: Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you. Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you. It's interesting. That a faithful friend is a friend. who doesn't always tell you what you want to hear.
How many of you have a spouse like that? You bristle. And then you go away to think: why, there's no person in the whole world that loves me more than this woman. And why would she say that if she didn't love me enough? to help me.
When you're a young preacher, As I was once. Be careful how you laugh. When you're a young preacher and you're just getting started, it's so easy to fall into the pitfalls of. Repeating phrases and sentences, and doing things that you wish you. Wouldn't do and you don't think about it, but After a while, when the emotion of the meeting is over and you have a chance to sit down.
You're reminded by the one who loves you. You did it again. You did it again. And that's so helpful. It's wonderful to have a friend you trust.
To help you through those times, to rebuke you when you need to be rebuked in a kind way. If you have a friend like that, You are rich indeed. You have a faithful friend, according to the book of Proverbs. General Grant Had a lawyer by the name of John A. Rawlins.
He was closer to General Grant than any other man during the war. It was to Rollins that Grant gave his pledge that he would abstain from intoxicating liquors. which he'd had a problem with. And when he broke that pledge, Rawlins went to him and with great earnestness pleaded with him, for the sake of himself and for the sake of the great and holy cause of the nation, to refrain from strong drink. Faithful were the wounds of that friend.
Okay. And today, if you go to Washington, in the front of the Capitol at Washington, there stands the magnificent monument of General Grant. Sitting on his horse in characteristic pose and flanked on either side by stirring battle scenes. But at the other end of Pennsylvania Avenue, a little to the south of the avenue, is Rollins Park. And there stands a very ordinary, commonplace statue of Rawlins.
And whenever you stand before the great monument of Grant there in front of the Capitol, think of the other monument and remember the faithful friend who kept Grant on his horse. is down at the other end. unnoticed and unheralded. But he was the kind of friend who could say what needed to be said. at the right time.
One of the things that's happening in Christendom these days, and I believe it's a good thing, is the development of accountability groups. You know, it's so easy to just sail along in your life, not asking any questions and not answering any questions.
Something happens to you. When you have somebody that asks you the hard questions. You need somebody to ask you those questions, don't you?
Somebody to ask you. to look you in the eye and say Are you walking with God? Are you living? outwardly what you profess to live. Is it genuine in your heart?
That's a faithful friend. My friend, if you don't have one. you need to choose one. And get yourself in a situation where you're asking each other some hard questions. Then I want to give you a third kind of friend, and these are the kind we all want.
These are fortifying friends. These are friends who come up alongside of you and just. encourage you. And you need to have some of those folks too. Chapter 27, verse 9 says it this way: Listen to the imagery of this proverb.
Ointment and perfume delight the heart. And the sweetness of a man's friend gives delight by hearty counsel. That's a wonderful proverb. Friendly suggestions are as pleasant as perfume. says the proverb writer.
Genuine advice shows that a person really cares.
Somebody who comes alongside of you with the right spirit and the right attitude. And puts their arm around you and says I want you to know And they encourage you, and they strengthen you, and they help you. And you feel such ease with them, even though you're talking about difficult things. How many of you know it's not usually the message that's the issue, it's the delivery system that comes into play?
Sometimes people can come and say things to you. And their delivery system's all wrong, the package is all messed up. And what they're saying is true, but the way they say it is so... Harsh. and sometimes sarcastic.
That you can't get your arms around the message because you can't get past the delivery system. And the writer of Proverbs says that when you bring hearty counsel, it should have the aroma of perfume to it. In other words, it should be a sweet and tender way of helping your friend. Get the message that's at the core. and not all the wrappings around the outside.
That's something you have to work at and develop even in a marriage, isn't it?
So Learning how to give the message. And not let the messenger mess it all up. Yeah. Well, we'll have more of this tomorrow here on Turning Point when we turn again to this subject of friendship. You know, I've been reminded recently of the wonderful, wonderful experience of having good friends.
When I have been unable to do some of the things I normally have done in the past on my own, it's been my friends who've helped me. They've driven me around until I got my license back. They've taken me places that I needed to go but couldn't get there without them. We've had many meals together and lots of time in a car, and my friends are special. In fact, I don't know what I would have done this year without friendship.
I hope you have some good friends. They're a blessing from God. Don't forget to get your copy of God's Heart for Israel, why it should have a place in your heart too. This book is our resource for the month and it's yours for the asking for a gift of any size. Make your request today.
Be sure to ask for the book when you send your gift. We'll see you tomorrow. For more information on Dr. Jeremiah's series, Powerful Principles from Proverbs, please visit our website where we also offer two free ways to help you stay connected: our monthly magazine, Turning Points, and our daily email devotional. Sign up today at davidjeremiah.org slash radio.
That's davidjeremiah.org slash radio. Or call us at 800-947-1993. Ask for your copy of David's inspiring new book, God's Heart for Israel. It's yours for a gift of any amount. You can also purchase the Jeremiah Study Bible in the English Standard, New International and New King James Versions.
complete with notes and articles from Dr. Jeremiah's decades of study. Get all the details when you visit our website, davidjeremiah.org/slash radio. This is David Michael Jeremiah. Join us tomorrow as we continue powerful principles from Proverbs on Turning Point with Dr.
David Jeremiah.
