All friendships are not created equal.
Some are desirable and worth pursuing, while others are dangerous and should be avoided. Today, on Turning Point, Dr. David Jeremiah returns to the book of Proverbs for Solomon's timeless wisdom on fostering healthy relationships. Listen now as David introduces the conclusion of his message. Power up your personal relationships.
Personal friendships. I bet you remember this song from growing up. There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus. No, not one, no, not one. No one can heal all of life's diseases.
No, not one. No, not one. Jesus is a good friend. He is not only your Savior, but he's your friend. But you know what?
You need other friends, too. You need friends, as one little boy said, I need some friends with skin on. Friends, I can reach out and touch who are there for me when I need them. What do you know? Here in the Bible, in the book of Proverbs, is Solomon telling us some things about friendships that help us do that whole thing better.
We'll get to it in just a moment. But first, let me remind you that Turning Point produces a magazine that goes out every month into the homes of those who respond and request it. It's been going on now for many years, and there are well over 300,000 families that receive this magazine every month. If you're not getting it, we'd like to start it into your home. It will be a blessing to you, filled with devotional material and articles to help you grow and add value to your Christian life.
Also, information about what's happening at Turning Point and how God is working through this ministry around the world. I hope you'll get your copy of Turning Points magazine coming to your home. Ask for it when you get in touch with us, and we'll make sure that it happens. Here is part two. of this wonderful teaching from Proverbs on personal relationships.
Let me talk for a moment about faithful friends. For here in this same passage of scripture, in the sixth verse of the 27th chapter, we read. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy. are deceitful.
Now, let's take the last part of that verse and understand what it says so that we can understand the first part of it. The last part of the verse says, The kisses of an enemy are deceitful. And if you have your Bibles open to the 27th chapter, if you go back into Proverbs chapter 26, beginning at the 23rd verse, you will find a little commentary. On that section of chapter 27, verse 6. In verse 23, it says this: listen to this.
fervent lips With a wicked heart, Are like earthenware covered with silver dross. He who hates disguises it with his lips and lays open deceit within himself. When he speaks kindly, do not believe him. For there are seven abominations in his heart.
Now, I want you to get the picture that the writer of Proverbs paints with his little word picture. He says, that fervent lips With a wicked heart. are like an earthen jar covered with silver. A silver-covered earthen jar. In other words, What you see on the outside is what's not on the inside.
These people are fervent in their friendship words in their flattering tongue. But in their heart there is deceit. In fact, it says in this chapter: there are seven abominations in their heart. You can't always tell a friend by their friendliness, can you? Do you know that some people are born strokers?
By that, I mean they can't help it. They just have to stroke you every time they see you. You're the most wonderful person in the world. That's the most wonderful message I've ever heard. You're the greatest preacher who ever lived.
And I'm thinking, where have these people been? I mean, it's wonderful to be complimented, and we always appreciate reinforcement in the areas where we serve and what we do. But when a person is overwhelmed in that regard, when he continues with that over and over again, sometimes you have to stop and ask: what's that person up to? What's really going on in their hearts. You know, when a person is your true friend, just a word will do.
But if they have another agenda, sometimes it is in the multiplication of words that you become suspicious. And the writer of Proverbs says we have every right to do that because there is a kind of friend who is faithless. Who will say one thing with his lips? Who will humor your fancies and flatter your pride. But down in their heart, they have another agenda.
Faithful friends do not try to force their personal opinions on the lives of others. They try to help in a biblical way, and you can always spot it if you watch for it. Romans 15:2 gives us a little definition of a faithful friend. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good. Leading to edification, building up.
Ephesians 4:2 says it this way: with all lowliness and gentleness, with long-suffering, bearing up one another in love. And Proverbs 9:8 adds this warning: Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you. Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you. It's interesting. That a faithful friend is a friend.
who doesn't always tell you what you want to hear. How many of you have a spouse like that? You bristle. And then you go away to think: why, there's no person in the whole world that loves me more than this woman. And why would she say that if she didn't love me enough?
to help me. When you're a young preacher, As I was once. Be careful how you laugh. When you're a young preacher and you're just getting started, it's so easy to fall into the pitfalls of. Repeating phrases and sentences, and doing things that you wish you.
wouldn't do and you don't think about it, but After a while, when the emotion of the meeting is over and you have a chance to sit down. You're reminded by the one who loves you. You did it again. You did it again. And that's so helpful.
It's wonderful to have a friend you trust. To help you through those times, to rebuke you when you need to be rebuked in a kind way. If you have a friend like that, You are rich indeed. You have a faithful friend, according to the book of Proverbs. General Grant Had a lawyer by the name of John A.
Rawlins. He was closer to General Grant than any other man during the war. It was to Rollins that Grant gave his pledge that he would abstain from intoxicating liquors. which he'd had a problem with. And when he broke that pledge, Rawlins went to him and with great earnestness pleaded with him, for the sake of himself and for the sake of the great and holy cause of the nation, to refrain from strong drink.
Faithful were the wounds of that friend.
Okay. And today, if you go to Washington, in the front of the Capitol at Washington, there stands the magnificent monument of General Grant. Sitting on his horse in characteristic pose and flanked on either side by stirring battle scenes. But at the other end of Pennsylvania Avenue, a little to the south of the avenue, is Rollins Park. And there stands a very ordinary, commonplace statue of Rawlins.
And whenever you stand before the great monument of Grant there in front of the Capitol, think of the other monument and remember the faithful friend who kept Grant on his horse. is down at the other end. unnoticed and unheralded. But he was the kind of friend who could say what needed to be said. at the right time.
One of the things that's happening in Christendom these days, and I believe it's a good thing, is the development of accountability groups. You know, it's so easy to just sail along in your life, not asking any questions and not answering any questions.
Something happens to you. When you have somebody that asks you the hard questions. You need somebody to ask you those questions, don't you?
Somebody to ask you. to look you in the eye and say, Are you walking with God? Are you living outwardly what you profess to live. Is it genuine in your heart? That's a faithful friend.
My friend, if you don't have one. you need to choose one. And get yourself in a situation where you're asking each other some hard questions. Then I want to give you a third kind of friend, and these are the kind we all want. These are fortifying friends.
These are friends who come up alongside of you and just. encourage you. And you need to have some of those folks too. Chapter 27, verse 9 says it this way: Listen to the imagery of this proverb. Ointment and perfume delight the heart.
And the sweetness of a man's friend gives delight by hearty counsel. That's a wonderful proverb. Friendly suggestions are as pleasant as perfume. says the proverb writer. Genuine advice shows that a person really cares.
Somebody who comes alongside of you with the right spirit and the right attitude. Um puts their arm around you and says I want you to know And they encourage you, and they strengthen you, and they help you. And you feel such ease with them, even though you're talking about difficult things. How many of you know it's not usually the message that's the issue, it's the delivery system that comes into play?
Sometimes people can come and say things to you. And their delivery system's all wrong, the package is all messed up. And what they're saying is true, but the way they say it is so... Harsh. and sometimes sarcastic.
That you can't get your arms around the message because you can't get past the delivery system. And the writer of Proverbs says that when you bring hearty counsel, it should have the aroma of perfume to it. In other words, it should be a sweet and tender way of helping your friend. Get the message that's at the core. And not all the wrappings around the outside.
That's something you have to work at and develop even in a marriage, isn't it? Learning how to give the message. And not let the messenger mess it all up. And when you're with a person like that, you feel such at ease. I think it's sort of like what I read from the words of George Eliot.
He defined a friendship like this: He said, Oh, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person. having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words. But to pour them all out just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them. Keep what is worth keeping, and then with a breath of love, Blow the rest away. Isn't that a great thought?
Don't you covet somebody like that? It kind of goes along with the fact that every once in a while you need somebody you can just go blow off some steam. Oh, what a privilege it is to have a friend. who takes The chaff and the grain together. And what is worth keeping, he keeps, and with love, he blows the rest away.
You know, there's a friendship in the Bible that was like that. Do you remember the story of David and Jonathan? You talk about a friendship that had some dynamics that would make it not work. Unless you've read it recently, you might not be aware of the fact that Jonathan was the son of Saul. And Saul hated David.
And David was the one who was about to take over Saul's place as king of Israel. And David also was sweet on Saul's daughter. And David and Jonathan were friends. You talk about getting into a complicated friendship, that was one. Because every time they were together, David's viewpoint was: Saul's trying to kill me, and Jonathan was always doing his best to make sure that David was kept safe.
And sometime, when you get a chance, you should go back to read 1 Samuel and read the record of that story. It is unfortunate. That some very evil people have tried to make out of this relationship an inordinate relationship that would not be pleasing to God, but I can tell you on the authority of the Word of God, there was nothing like that. These were two men who loved each other as friends should love. And over and over again, there's a phrase in the Old Testament that describes their relationship.
You will see it in 1 Samuel 18, 1 to 3, where you read, And when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David. And Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day, would not let him go home to his father's house anymore. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant because he loved him as his own soul. In 1 Samuel 20, verse 17, we read: Now, Jonathan again caused David to vow because he loved him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul.
And in 1 Samuel 23:16, we read that Jonathan, Saul's son, arose and went to David in the woods and strengthened his hand in God. I'm telling you what, what a friend. A friend. Who knows when you have a need? and comes to strengthen you.
in the hand of God.
Well Let me pass on to the fourth kind of friend that's alluded to in the 27th chapter of Proverbs. I was going to put it this way. I tried to make it a little more acceptable. How about in your face, friends? How about face-to-face friends?
This is similar to what we talked about a few moments ago, but in a positive way. Proverbs 27:17 is a great proverb. It says this: as iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. This is the kind of a friend that you get together with, and you can really deal with some of the tough issues of life. You can talk about things that are going to make a difference.
You can share ideas, and they may not always be coming from the same way. They may even be disagreement ideas, but you understand that this is two friends who love each other sharing the most important things in their life, one with another, and the result of it is you both are sharpened and strengthened by the encounter. Oh, what a relationship that can be. Especially if you're in a position of leadership or responsibility, to have somebody who can come and you can share ideas.
Sometimes, when we travel and we get with other pastors, that's what happens. We sit down in a room together and we talk about what God is doing in the ministry and how we can sharpen one another as face to face we deal with the issues of our lives. Romans 14, 19 says, Therefore, let us pursue the things which make for peace. and the things by which one may edify another. I don't know if you've ever remembered this verse from the book of Malachi, but I think this is kind of the same thing.
Malachi 3.16 says, Then those who feared the Lord spoke. to one another. And the LORD listened, and he heard them. And if you go back and study the book of Malachi, you know this wasn't a pleasant time in the life of these people. But they got together And they spoke one to another, and the Bible says God listened in.
I think God listens into conversations when iron sharpens iron and when friends come together to encourage one another. And the Bible says that that's what happened. And a book of remembrance was written before him for those who fear the Lord and who meditate on his name. Do you know when you have the right kind of conversations between one another and you're sharpening one another and you're encouraging one another, you get enrolled in God's book? And he listens into your conversation and he says, I saw Jeremiah down there in North Carolina with another brother pastor.
and they were sharing the joys and the challenges of the ministry. and encouraging one another. God loves that. And he hears it. And that's the kind of friendship you want to develop.
Let me give you the last lesson. I just want to call this forever friends. There's a song that we hear a lot of times: Friends are friends forever. And I always think when these young people are graduating from high school, most of them won't see each other again until the 20th year anniversary. But you can have forever, friends.
And the book of Proverbs says this, Proverbs 27:10. Do not forsake Your own friend. or your father's friend, nor go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away. Did you know that?
And Proverbs 17:17 says it this way, even more succinctly. A friend loves at all times, and listen to this. A brother is born for adversity. Let me tell you how you can sort out your friends. You want to know the ones that are casual?
The ones that are Just companions, the ones that are. Committed? All you have to do is go through a crisis in your life. That's all you have to do. Crisis sorts out your friends like nothing you'll ever imagine.
Some of the people you thought would be aren't, and some of the people you didn't think would be are. But the Bible says that a friend, a true friend, is born for adversity. What does that mean? That's what they're there for. You may not even know that they're there hovering around the externals of your life, but when you go through a difficult time, all of a sudden they move in and you discover the love and the strength and the encouragement that such a friend brings to you.
Friend loves at all times. And a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs chapter 18. And verse 24. A man who has friends Must himself be friendly.
Now, let me just stop right there. I always hear it.
Well, I come to this church and I don't know anybody.
Well, whose fault is that? If you don't know anybody, why don't you know anybody?
Well, you say nobody's introduced themselves to me.
Well, why don't you introduce yourself to them? You know what I'm learning is that the way you make friends is you have to take some initiative. The problem with the church that's grown is that nobody knows for sure who's been here the longest. You may be afraid to go and introduce yourself to someone. I've had people come up to my wife and welcome her to Shadow Mountain.
I mean, it's wonderful. But you got to take some initiative. If you want to sit back in your pew all by yourself, saying that's a big church and you can't know anybody there, you can live like that if you want to. But listen to the Proverbs: if you want to have a friend, you have to show yourself friendly. You have to reach out.
And shame on the one who didn't reach out to you first, but that's really not important, is it? I'm telling you, if you want to get connected in a church, if you just take a little initiative, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But if you sit back and you say, well, I'm new and nobody's contacted me. Then you will sit there for a long time because some of the people that should be contacting you probably think you should be contacting them.
So what do you have to do? Let me just tell you this, and this will make it all so simple. If you want to have friendships, It's always your turn. It's always your turn. Take the initiative.
Take a step. And when you take a step, you'll find that the body comes together around you.
Now, does that mean we shouldn't be friendly and we shouldn't reach out to new people? No, but it means that all of us have to show ourselves friendly if we want to have friends. It's like the sowing of a seed. If you feel lonely, sow a friendship. And the friendship may not come back to you from the place where you sowed the seed, but it may come back to you from somewhere else.
Whatever it is you don't have in your life, whatever it is you lack in your life, if you're lonely, be a friend to somebody and watch what God will do for you. If you want to have a friend, You gotta show yourself friendly. And then the proverb ends like this. And I do not believe this was messianic nor was it meant to refer to Jesus Christ, but the application is so critically close. The proverb says, and there is a friend.
Who sticks closer? than a brother. And how many of you know who that friend is? There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus. No, not one.
No, not one. None else can heal all our souls' diseases. No, not one. Not one. Jesus knows all about our struggles.
He will guide till the day is done. There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus. No, not one. No, not one. There's not an hour that he is not near us.
No not one. No, not one. No night so dark but his love can cheer us. Know not one. No, not one.
Jesus knows all about our struggles. He will guide till the day is done. There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus. No, not one. And I want to ask you today.
Is Jesus your friend? Do you know him? You say, well, Pastor Jeremiah, everybody knows who Jesus is. No. That's a contact friend.
Well, I study about him in the Bible. Oh, that's a casual friendship. I'm not talking about that. I want to know if you have a committed friendship with Jesus. Have you committed your life to him as he has committed his life to you?
Are you willing to say, Lord Jesus Christ, what you've said in your word about me, I accept as true. I am a sinner without any hope, but because you came into this world to be my savior, I can know eternal life. As you committed yourself to me on the cross, I now commit myself to you, and I accept what you did for me. Because in order for Jesus Christ to be your friend, he first of all must be your savior. And if you don't know him as your Savior, You can't have him as your friend.
I don't know about you, but the friendship I have with Jesus. is the most wonderful thing in all the world to me. I say this with deference to a warm and loving relationship with my wife and my family. But my friends, there are times. when you just got to get along with your friend.
the Lord Jesus. And pour your heart out to him because you know. that no one else can comprehend, no one else can know. I don't know how I'd get through a day without my friendship with the Lord. And those of you who know him know what I'm talking about, and I want you all to have him as your friend.
So if you've never known Jesus Christ as your Savior and your friend, Why don't you take that step and show yourself friendly today? and invite him into your life. Amen. Hey friends, I want to tell you there is no one who can help you and will be with you like the Lord Jesus Christ. He is your savior first of all that's where it starts You have to ask Him to forgive your sin, give you the gift of eternal life, and He will do that.
But then he becomes more than your savior. He's your friend. And there's not a friend like the Lord Jesus Christ. He will be with you every day, every way, wherever you need him. He's just a prayer way.
And I want you to know Jesus Christ first of all as your Savior, and then to understand how wonderful it is to have Him as your friend. If you've never received Him, do it today. While you're thinking about it, while it's still in your mind, while it's present in front of your options for the day, make sure you do the right thing and get Jesus Christ in your life. Please join us tomorrow as we continue our discussion from Proverbs, and we're going to talk about the Proverbs of Prayer tomorrow.
So you'll want to be sure and join us then. I'll see you next time. Today's message originated from Shadow Mountain Community Church and senior pastor Dr. David Jeremiah. Drop us a note to let us know how God is using this ministry in your life.
Right to Turning Point, PO Box 3838, San Diego, California, 92163. Visiting our website at davidjeremiah.org/slash radio. That's davidjeremiah.org slash radio or by calling 800-947-1993. Ask for your copy of David's new book, God's Heart for Israel. It's yours for a gift of any amount.
You can also stream more than 1200 of Dr. Jeremiah's messages on demand on any screen, on our streaming service Turning Point Plus. For a monthly gift of any amount, visit TurningPointPlus.org for details. This is David Michael Jeremiah. Join us tomorrow as we continue Powerful Principles from Proverbs on Turning Point with Dr.
David Jeremiah. I'm going to use a bottle of the same method.
