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How to Avoid Marital Failure (Part 1 of 2)

Truth for Life / Alistair Begg
The Truth Network Radio
June 24, 2022 4:00 am

How to Avoid Marital Failure (Part 1 of 2)

Truth for Life / Alistair Begg

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June 24, 2022 4:00 am

There seems to be an epidemic of lifeless marriages and divorce these days—even within the church! So how can marriage be enjoyed over a lifetime, not simply endured? Hear helpful principles to avoid marital failure, on Truth For Life with Alistair Begg.


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Seems to be an epidemic of lifeless, loveless marriages, some that end in divorce. These days, even within the church. So how can we enjoy our marriage over a lifetime, rather than simply enduring it today on Truth for Life. Alastair begged sure some helpful principles with us in a message titled how to avoid marital failure invite you to take your Bibles and turn to the New Testament together to the book of Hebrews and the 13th chapter we going to concentrate this morning on the fourth verse of Hebrews 13. If you like the platform upon which we going to build what we discover this morning is here in this 14 verse of Hebrews 13 marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed Pure for God will judge the adulterer and all sexually immoral marriage should be honored by all.

It is an immense privilege a great joy to be a pastor to spend one's life in pastoral ministry is to be given the privilege daunting as it is many times of sharing with people and experiences that one would ordinarily not have the opportunity of enjoying what enduring at crucial junctures of life moments of great joy, sometimes of great sadness. There are days that are disastrous or disappointing that are days that are delightful, but really, there are no days in pastoral ministry that Abdallah it is an immense thrill to be included in so many different aspects of life that so many key and pivotal turning points and I was assigned the task of spiritual midwifery. If you like being there at the birth thing of spiritual children. There is nothing which I personally enjoy more than the unique and close opposition which is entrusted to me and weddings. I don't know just what it is. I certainly would never have imagined that it would be so, but it is a tremendous and genuine thrill to be that close at a wedding.

I mean I'm closer than the bride's mother are closer than the groom's father.

I am as close as you can get. I am so close that the event is palpable. You can see their eyes you can hear the little things they say to one another and you can virtually hear their heartbeats hearts beat if it's quiet enough. I am sure that I've had many a fellows heartbeat otherwise have the no explanation as to why his tie and assured moves in that way. I've I've I've seen the sweaty palms I've I've had to shake those hands. I'm talking not about the girl now but I have seen it all and I have also sensed the awesomeness in their minds that the wonder of the enjoy the privilege the anticipation of it all and the awful solemnity of what is taking place as the minister would say God has joined together, let not man put asunder. And when in their making of their bios to one another. They have said, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health to love and to cherish, till death do part that is an amazing commitment like no other commitment that we are never asked to make in all of our earthly pilgrimage, so it is that apart from spiritual ship wreck whereby those who have professed faith in Jesus Christ begin to stumble and fall and wonder from the path apart from that kind of sad and sorry. Failure. Nothing pains me more than to learn of the unraveling of these bonds in Christian marriage to see the crumbling of the foundations that have been lead by a couple full of anticipation in their early days to watch and see the tearing of the fabric, which has been part and parcel of their early life says they've sought to entwine themselves around God's purposes and around one another.

There has been for me.

No pain in life apart from the loss of a loved one greater than the pain attached to observing the disintegration of marriages, particularly those whom God gave to me the privilege of conducting in the first place, and yet how sadly commonplace it is to see such disintegration with what remarkable ease are couples able to walk away from the solemn vows and for all who walk away. There is another great host a large company of people who do not walk away, but are held together by self giving love but are held together more by custom or convention or if you like, maybe even fear of what the neighbors have to say. Such individuals are in Judy what they might in the purposes of God be enjoy. It is not necessarily that they don't know about marriage.

They may in fight be very aware of marriage and all that is involved in it. They may have given themselves to the principles of marriage, they may have studied the man listen to tapes and gone through seminars they may have preached a series of sermons on marriage. They may even have been privileged to become the author of a book on the subject of marriage. But all of that on its own were cumulatively cannot necessarily be equated with a wonderful discovery in practical terms of what the writer to the Hebrews refers to when he says let the marriage bonds be held in honor. Sadly, in the case of marriage. Many of us have become adept at being hearers of the word but not doers. Also, in our marriages are held together by a number of the near to pass inspection providing the inspection is conducted by blind guides, but anyone with any measure of perception. The tall will be able to tell whether what we have is the embodiment of what God is designed RP limitation of the real thing. What a tragedy to see couples who have decided that all they can anticipate in marriage is adequacy when and why to fight what the Bible calls us to his abundance, word of explanation as to how I arrived at this this morning.

On Friday afternoon as I was traveling home from Glasgow and coming across the ocean. I was working on my message for this morning and I had my notes out and I was working away and so either was is now my and I together in the in the 15 a and B, but my mind wasn't on them. I couldn't get my mind off marriage matters because the context out of which icon had to do with some of the great sadness as to which I'm alluding this morning. Some of the deep concerns that I had and have for those who are near and dear to me and so I found myself turning over the pages of my notes and I decided I would write some notes to myself so I wrote notes to myself on how to prevent marital failure and I stopped after I written down 16 principles.

Now you should be glad of that because I'm going to tell you them now as I could. I there's a lot more than 16 but I stopped at 16, somebody brought me a Diet Coke or something, but I stopped at 16. A word to young people who are not yet married, you can never learn these principles to young write them down. If you would store them away in one day you'll pull them out again.

Perhaps you find the manual say this is where that fellowmen shall not morning. Now I see what he meant singles acknowledge the fact that you have a present responsibility both in praying for and influencing marriages of those around you. Most single people have an impact on families. Maybe on one or into or on more. They certainly have an impact on their own parental structure and they may be the kind of playing influence in godly companion and friend that will be the key to developing and sustaining the marriages of those that are under their care, and influence. It is also sadly possible that it could be that a single person because they were nave to the principles I'm not about to refer you to could be the catalyst for the disruption of one of these marriage bones. As with most matters in life.

The breakdown in marital affairs comes not as a result, usually of the extravagant and the bazaar, but on account of a failure to pay attention to the basics consistently. I have to say that in terms of marital failure and breakdown I could count on my one hand the times when I would have to say that this came as it were completely out of the blue and some dramatic bazaar event in 95, 99% of the occurrences. It has to do with the fact that the husband and the wife have not been taking care of business. They just allowed it to slight and become experts to soon and it is all unraveled for them know some of your perhaps tempted to press say a kind of a mental ejection button. At this point because you know that you've heard all this so many times now that your experts added while then my the first thing I wrote down on my notes will be particularly appropriate for the likes of you. So here it is number one in preventing marital failure.

Do not be so foolish as to maintain that it could not happen to you.

That seems to me to be so straightforward and yet so fundamentally important. It is a statement of unbelievable naivety statement of the most foolish bravado to assume that somehow or another who you are and what you have or what I am and have is somehow immune to all of these external influences is somehow immune to the forces the wars and the temptations that approaches from without and seek to pool is down from within.

The principal is found in first Corinthians 10 and in verse 11 and following, and eventually where Paul says the person who thinks that they are standing up should take heed in case they beat of anyone to fall down on virtually every occasion that one has had the responsibility of being involved in the demise of a marriage one hears again and again statement such as this.

I never ever ever believe that I would be in this situation confronting the circumstances or the couple would say we regarded ourselves as the last people in the whole of whatever it is ever to face this event. While I want to tell you this that I think that is really death and I'm not talking about living with some kind of paralyzing fear in your marriage I'm talking about living with a sense of realism in your marriage. You know, when you fly on the plane. They always give you the same spiel before you go right they take out the thing. The poor girl has to walk around with a plastic bag on her face. She has the clip the thing on and off she goes to the whole thing and it is all couched in phrases like in the unlikely event all and is very unlikely. In the unlikely event of a water landing your flight over 2000 miles of open water between the coast of Scotland and Newfoundland.

In the unlikely you like to hear that.

I like that I like unlikely I'd like to see in the unlikely event of a water landing, despite the fact that it is unlikely what are the new they prepare you for the worst, while hoping for the best.

Now folks in our marriages.

We need to be realistic enough to set up the precautionary mechanism to prevent the possibilities that we may so navely believe are going to be the province of someone else rather than nonsense. It is quite intriguing, and in all of that safety instruction the way they had that little she can in front of you there.

The pops out of your of the seatback in front of you and if you notice it. It says something like if you cannot read this instruction manual. Please ask somebody for help.

Which is it seems to me that was written by as I don't know who wrote that but at only so foolish as to maintain that you could, that it could not happen to you. Secondly, do not assume that a great marriage can be discovered and enjoyed without some solid hard work. Do not assume that a great marriage can be discovered and enjoyed without some solid hard work. In the book of Proverbs, Solomon confronts this sluggard, the lazy individual in Proverbs chapter 24 he speaks of the fact that he went past the field of a sluggard and when he looked at the vineyard of the men who likes judgment. Verse 31 of Proverbs 24 he said forms have come up everywhere and the ground was covered with weeds and the stone wall is was in ruins.

Nothing was just a shambles. The men's garden was an expression of the man's life, as is so often our marriage what we have in our marriage. If it becomes overgrown with weeds and thorns and begins to disintegrate is simply an expression of who we really are and says Solomon I applied my heart to what I observed and I learned a lesson from what I saw a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.

And sadly, loved ones, so many marriages are so unattended. They are overgrown they are disintegrating they are filled with weeds and a large contributing factor is downright laziness and unpreparedness to do what it takes consistently to make sure that the home fires are tended to Hebrews 612 in relationship to salvation. The writer says we do not want you to become lazy.

Thirdly, do not allow the busyness of life to disguise neglect. Do not allow the busyness of life to disguise neglect. I think the song was by Alabama a little while ago it it it it had to refrain.

I recall that I am I'm in a hurry and I don't know why. All I all I gotta do is live and die I'm rushing and rushing and there is no doubt indebted out and I'm in a hurry and I don't know why so well. I believe because so many people listen to on the radio said. How did he write a song about me as exactly it. I'm in a hurry and I don't know why you not many marriages are in a hurry doing everything except looking after each other running here running there taking care of this going to that event coming back from that event, just absolute craziness, and consequently what happens is a bit like the picture in Luke chapter 8 in the parable of the sort that the forms begin to grow up around the plant and begin to show his very life of Jesus on that occasion says that that which jokes of the life is a preoccupation with worry with wealth or with pleasures. I get so often marriages are held out to his in the magazines on our newspaper stands as a great quest for possessions and pleasure as long as we can distance ourselves from the worry that attaches to such an acquisitive lifestyle sent you this morning is what I wrote to myself, I better not allow the business of my life to disguise the fact that I'm neglecting my Mary alleges get down and talk straight about in relationship to church responsibilities of our lives are to be attached to Jesus Christ, to be attached to our spouse to be attached to our children and even good things that are not the best things may find is a busy success in manifold activities and tragic failure at the point of greatest accountability. Fourthly, this is a simple one.

Don't make the mistake of taking each other for granted. First Peter 37 Peter says to their there his readers. He says husbands be considerate in the way that you live with your wife's I'm going to be biased to speaking to husbands at its inevitable since I wrote a note to myself. You ladies can just apply it the other way around.

But this is what I found most recently I found this strange phenomenon, especially as it relates to the great calling of motherhood. I'm deeply saddened to find how many men after a period of time begin to denigrate their wives because they have chosen to make the ultimate sacrifice in the calling of motherhood that you will be a keeper at home that she will be a tender of her children that she will be a provider that you will give all about sustenance and security within the family unit.

I find many man saying out loud what that my wife is is this and they somehow find far more attractive. At 11 o'clock in the morning somebody wearing a navy blue suit and high heels than the thought of what we have left behind within their own home and they begin to take their wives for granted.

In recent days.

In talking with a couple I asked him to write down what it contributed to the demise of their marriage on the column of contributing to the demise of the marriage had written my wife appears to be content just to be a mother and that was in his perspective, contributing to his response, which was clearly beyond the bounds of anything in the Bible would count. I wanted take a guy like that in just a very loving way, banging his head up against the wall.

I wanted this to support them and shaken warmly by the throw and see the character. Listen cloth ears you got understand something.

Life goes by very quickly and have you been given the age of having someone in your old who is prepared to be there for you and to you and to your family. You get down on your knees and thank God every day. But instead of that there are too many people that are reading the Bible too little and reading Cosmopolitan magazine too much and if you read that godless drivel and allow it to filter through your brain. You will inevitably spread out the worlds view and you will not have sufficient biblical awareness to be able to declare's beauteous what is clearly's beauteous is indeed a mystery why some couples settle for adequate when the Bible calls us to abundance your listing to Truth for Life with Alistair Begg, a lasting marriage begins when we understand God's word and trust in his perfect plan to acquire mission to Truth for Life is to teach the Bible with clarity and relevance.

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