I think it's safe to say none of us are perfect parents. Today on Truth for Life, Alastair Begg addresses some of the most common mistakes well-meaning parents make. find out what matters most in our parenting priorities, and where we can turn for support and guidance, We're focusing on Paul's warning to Christian fathers found in Colossians chapter 3. Verse twenty one, Fathers. Do not provoke your children.
Lest They become discouraged. We've been learning, at least I hope we've been learning. How the instruction that is provided here and elsewhere in the Bible concerning the Christian home. How it benefits not only those who dwell within the Christian home. But it also benefits society, makes an impact on a culture.
when it becomes obvious to people who look on that Jesus is actually the king, that Jesus presides over the family life and in the home. It's very challenging, isn't it, to put it in those terms. At least I find it so. To realize that it is our home life, our family life, set within the context of our church family life. That is then to provide a significant advertisement for the Christian faith.
And not least of all in this express area concerning fatherhood.
Now, when we read the Bible, we read it in light of the then, we read it in light of the now. We do not live in Coloncy, we live in Cleveland. I think we all recognize that. We do not live in the first century, we live in the 21st century. And so we need to understand at least a little of what Paul, if you like, was dealing with.
And then to apply that to what it means for us. And I say just briefly. In Roman civilization, It was a tough and a dangerous place for children. Because of the Father's power. The Patria protestors.
as it was. It was absolute. The power of the father had complete control. He could make his children work in the fields in chains. He could punish them as he liked and as much as he chose.
And he was even capable and able by Roman law to sell his children into slavery. Oh, you say, well, I can understand why Paul would have written this. It's a grave concern, isn't it? Yes. And we come to it at a very different time and in a different place.
Well, of course, we know what it is for fathers to be abusive towards their children and all that that means for children who are vulnerable in that context. But I wonder if it wouldn't be f fairer to say that children in our day are not so much endangered by the Patriopotestis, the father's power, or by his aggression. But children in our day are endangered. by the father's absence. Sheldon Thomas, a former gang member and the one who leads an organization called Gangsline.
In addressing this, points to number one bad parenting Number two, absent fathers. Number three, bad role models. as the key contributory factors in young men drifting into the gang culture.
Now clearly, it is far more complex than that. But whatever else is involved, those things are almost inevitably there.
So whether the context is first century Roman culture or 21st century American or Western culture, we need the light of the Word of God to shine into the darkness. And shine it does.
Now, as I say, the text is straightforward, isn't it? Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. I think we can answer three simple questions. Who is being addressed? What is it that they are to avoid doing?
And why is it so important?
So first of all then, who is Paul addressing?
Well, you say, well, it's very obvious, isn't it? He's addressing fathers. Yeah. but he is addressing specifically Christian fathers. You say, well, is the distinction important?
Yes, it is very important. It is customary for God to be referred to as everyone's father. Right? We think of that, that God is Father by creation. And it is true.
that God has a kind of fatherhood. By creation. But interestingly, when you read the Bible The Bible does not generally use the term Father of God as Creator. But rather He reserves it for those who have become God's spiritual children. Through faith, in God's Son.
I want you to understand that. I'm not saying that it doesn't. I'm saying that the general way in which father is used in the Bible. Is not generically in terms of all people by creation, but specifically. in relationship To God's self-revelation as Father.
Son and Holy Spirit. It is only The Bible tells us: as we come to trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, as we come to believe in Him, as we come to receive Him, that we are given the right The right. to become the children of God.
Now it's very very important that we understand that And you can look for it, and you will find it reinforced not only in the record of the Gospels, but as we read the letters.
So, for example, that is why Paul makes the point. that we are justified by faith. Justified by faith through the Lord Jesus Christ. We are put right with God. even though we know ourselves to be sinners.
When he writes later on in Romans, he points out the wonder of what has happened to us in that we have been adopted into God's family.
So, as we believe, as we receive the Lord Jesus, We are then welcomed into a family by grace. to which we do not belong by nature. Are you listening? I wouldn't be at all surprised if I'm speaking now to a father within earshot of me by whatever means, either as you look upon me or as you hear me through a box in your car. And here you are as a father doing your best.
Aware of your failings. looking somewhere, everywhere for ideas, for principles. You've even begun to come along to church. In the hope that somehow or another there will be some religious pegs that you can lay hold of to help you. But you have not yet.
Come to trust. Through Jesus. in God As your father. And to you I say, Oh, come To the Father. Through Jesus.
The sun. Who is he addressing? Paul is addressing Christian fathers Within The church family. concerning their role in the physical family. Secondly, What is it?
that these fathers mustn't do.
Well, you see it in the text before you fathers. Do not provoke Your children.
Now, don't let us get confused here. It's not that mothers are allowed to provoke their children, and only fathers are not allowed to provoke them. That's not the point. Actually, we're in this together, aren't we, mums and dads? Of course, we are.
Couples in this together, but the directive is given specifically here to the father. Why is that?
Well, because of the special responsibility. which falls to men in the Bible both in the home and in the church. Here, of course, is one of the great divides in our day, isn't it? Of the whole place of the rise of feminism and everything that has come along with it over time, challenging at its very heart God's order.
So apparently bright and enlightened and so on. And yet, no, the Bible is very clear.
Well, what are we not to do?
Well, we're not to provoke. our children. or to irritate them. The King James Version has, Provoke not your children to anger. In other words, dealing with them in such a way that their response is clearly not submission, but is rejection.
Another point is fairly straightforward, namely, That the love and grace Which Our Heavenly Father has displayed In Jesus, in dealing with us as earthly fathers. That's why it's so important we understand this distinction. He's not just addressing the idea of God Father has created, he's talking about redeemed man.
So that we know as fathers. That the love that God has given us is an undeserved love. That the grace that he continues to provide for us is just beyond our ability to comprehend. That we are sustained by it and kept by it because we're wretched at heart. We're sinful at heart.
We haven't been made righteous in Jesus. We've been set right before God in Jesus. We're sinful. Therefore, we recognize That since God has loved us in this way, here is love. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us.
and sent his son To be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. And so the point is straightforward, that if that is the way in which the Father has lavished His love upon us, that then is to be the hallmark of the treatment of our children. who is sufficient for these things. They say this is this is Christian. Christians.
This is the enabling of the Holy Spirit. This is not a long list of things you're supposed to do. Try your best and see how many you can get out of ten. That's religion. No, no, no.
So instead of crushing them. With our dictates. We are to cultivate them. By grace. I just made a list of ten things.
Uh that um Are easily, at least in my understanding. a mechanism for provoking Uh my children. And I think all of us may find ourselves far too quickly on the wrong side of this track. One straightforward is over severity. And just there The father is an ogre.
Wait till your father gets home. Instead of they're going, yeah, we can't wait. They're like, oh no, no. Secondly, inconsistency. It matters today, it doesn't matter tomorrow.
It mattered an hour ago, it's important here, it's not important now. The children don't know where they are. Thirdly, Constant fault finding. Why can't you? Why have you?
constantly scolding our children. Fourthly, favoritism. Whether we make the favourites The boy next door, the girl up the street, the person that you saw at the school program, whatever, why couldn't you do something like that? Why do you just sit around in here all day? Why are you always there?
What the thing? Provoking Our children. Fifthly, belittling their achievements. You know, somebody, and I don't know where I got this from in the past, but somebody said that. The key to being a father.
is being able to say That soap on a rope is your favorite present of all time. Right? Because that was the extent of it. I I did this. I made it myself.
I attach the string. And they see us. as it's set aside. And we move on. Sixthly, and it follows from it, doesn't it?
Failing to show appreciation. for their attempts to please. for their kindnesses. Seventhly, By our neglect. I don't think these statistics really amount to very much, but every so often someone will produce a piece that says: you know, the average American father spends X minutes with his children.
in a day or in a week. Don't let's confuse being in their company with actually spending time with them. Don't let's include sitting watching something. as time spent.
Now failure. Neglect. Eighthly. expecting too much of them. Why do we do this?
We're not that great ourselves.
Now it's one thing to ha to set goals for our children. But it's another thing to constantly be pushing the bar out and beyond them again and again. to the point where they just know Don't know where to go. Ninthly, restricting their freedom.
Well, yes, we have to protect them. But we mustn't over protect them. And that actually would be the tenth one. Over protection. Overprotection.
I think it's a feature, isn't it? Apparently. And it is complex, I recognize there are many factors involved in it, but it's not unusual to hear people say, you know, I used to get up in the morning in the summer days and I'd go out and get on my bicycle, I'd be gone all day and I would come back, and my mother was glad that I came back, and frankly, she was glad that I was gone. You say, well, that's terrific. That was a different day.
And it was a different day. And so there's been an inevitable correction in relationship to the strangeness of the society in which we live and so on.
So that desire for a framework that is secure is entirely legitimate and entirely understandable, but the overprotection of our children is harming them. and will provoke many of them to anger. Why can't I be free. You see, unless we allow our children to learn the principle of reaping what they sow. They never learn it.
Do not leave your bicycle in the park. Unattended or without the lock. Hey. Who cares? Come back?
Mom, my bicycle is gone. I need you to buy me another bicycle. Don't you worry, honey, I'll get you a better bicycle this time. What a shame. What a naughty pr no No.
I told you. He disobeyed me. There's an impact. You have to do it. You want to talk entitlement?
The Bible is so obviously clear. And the command is so straightforward. And the challenge is huge because it is all too easy. To fall down on the wrong side, to either indulge and spoil our children. or to humiliate and suppress the children.
And that's why, actually, as we've said from the very beginning, we desperately need one another. The husband needs the wife, and there is a peculiar challenge in being a single parent. And some of you know that. And that's why I'm saying, that's why the Bible is saying, that the only way that we're going to be able to raise our children in a Christian ethos is when we understand that what's happening in our family is set within the context of the church family.
So that there are uncles and there are aunts and so on. And someone's an only child and maybe the lady is widowed now and the child is growing up alone like that.
Well, where are the people that will come around and say, I can invest my life in this, I can be a part of this? Who is going to take on the challenge of mentoring in a culture that is increasingly filled with gangs? Don't do it. Do the reverse. And sometimes uh the husband has to acknowledge.
That um His wife's Uh coercion, direction, encouragement. is absolutely vital and so We recognize that to be the case. Who is it that's being addressed? The fathers? What is it that They are not to do, provoke their children to anger.
And thirdly and finally, why is this important?
Well, we're told, lest they become discouraged. If you come down too hard on them, you'll crush their spirits. If you overcorrect them, they'll grow up feeling inferior. and frustrated. By our provocations.
we may actually cause them to be discouraged and just give up.
So the warning is clear, it's inherent in what is being said, albeit briefly. The danger of rules without love, of law without grace. realizing that these things are to be understood and applied because it's what the Bible says. Because it's what the Bible says. The culture doesn't really buy this at all.
It never actually has, but in our day more so than ever. I gave you ten, I'm going to give you six, and I'm not going to elaborate on, I'm just going to make six statements concerning our children. What are they?
Well, in no particular order, number one, they're special. Special They're sinful. They're silly. They're selfish. They're sensitive.
And their souls. They're souls. The arrival of a child. confronts us with an existence That is now commenced. For eternity.
Fraternity. That's our great concern. their eternal well-being.
Now the Bible is our guide, as I say. And in this little series of studies we have been confronted by the fact that our failure to believe this or to apply it. And to apply it in a timely way, in a spirit-enabled way, in a grace-filled way, our failure to do so. may actually find us losing out. to the power of a rebel heart.
The power of a rebel heart. We are by nature rebels. rebels against the authority of God. rebels against those whom God puts in authority over us, and so on. I remembered.
in something that my old boss had written. He told the story there. of Stephen Anderson. Who captained Stephen Anderson? He was a military guy, and he retained that title even in.
in his days back in civilian life. But he was an evangelist with the Church of Scotland and he worked very, very effectively amongst young people and teenagers in particular, and he was the leader in camps and so on. And Derek recounts how on one occasion Stephen Anderson had in dealing with the leadership team that he had in the camp. uh sensed In one of the young ladies who was part of his leadership team. uh a lack of Peace.
and a lack of assurance. She just seemed somehow or another to be off kilter. And he said that he felt led to say to this girl without knowing anything. He said he felt led to say to this girl, Listen. Your father Your earthly father.
only really loved you. As a success. But your heavenly Father loves you for yourself. The girl dissolves in tears. And she tells Stephen, of how disappointed her father had been.
That she had been born a girl. that she had not entered into the family business. and the unconditional love of our Heavenly Father. flooded over her. to bring her a new relief.
and an unutterable Joy.
Some of us They need to find peculiar. Uh hold. in that kind of illustration. Fathers. Let's not provoke our children.
Last. They become discouraged. I say again. I think perhaps some of us need to settle this issue. of knowing God.
in a personal living way. as father. in embracing His love to us in Jesus. in accepting the provision that He has made for our own sinful, foolish hearts. And then resting upon the Direction of the Bible.
and the enabling of the Holy Spirit. to seek to do. and what we're called to do. Yeah. Um You're listening to Truth for Life with Alistair Begg.
Today's message wraps up our study titled The Christian Family. If you'd like to re-listen to or share any of this series with a friend or with those in your church, all of Alistair's teaching can be streamed for free using our mobile app or on our website at truthforlife.org. And if you'd prefer, Alistair's Teaching Through This Complete Five Message series is available for purchase on a USB at our cost of just $5. You can find the USB in our online store at truthforlife.org slash store. And if you add a donation to your purchase, be sure to ask for your copy of a book we're currently recommending.
It's our way of saying thank you for your support. The book is titled How to Teach Kids Theology, Deep Truths for Growing Faith. You can give your gift online at truthforlife.org slash donate or call us at 888-588-7884. Thanks for listening. Tomorrow we'll begin a new series where we'll take a close look at some of Jesus' truly, truly statements.
Are you a faithful disciple? Or are you a fickle follower? Tomorrow we'll learn how to tell the difference. The Bible teaching of Alastair Begg is furnished by Truth for Life. Where the Learning is for Living.
