Avizandam In Scots law, this term describes the careful consideration given by the judge before an important decision. Join me each week as we explore various topics from a spiritual perspective and take matters Avise endum. As it has been many years since I dated, I'm very hesitant to give advice to the next generation of dating.
However, As I'm sometimes asked about dating and hear about it from couples receiving premarital counselling, I thought a few remarks may be helpful. I'm not a matchmaker, so don't expect me to do that. But it seems to me that many young men are more hesitant to ask for a date than in my generation. I think there are all kinds of reasons for that. I'm not a sociologist, so this is not my area of expertise.
but I do know that many men are intimidated by young women. More women are going to college, obtaining excellent employment, and are often more poised and self confident than many men. who are passive. And find it difficult to have the courage to ask a young woman for a date. What's wrong with him?
They've a fear of rejection which, let's face it, may well happen. Also, some young men have told me That as there is such a high risk of couples getting divorced, They don't even want to get married. I find that very sad. After all, marriage is an institution of God. and having a spouse by your side throughout life is an indescribable joy.
A man and a woman complement each other. Scripture makes it clear that it's not good for a man to be alone. And, sadly, with the rise of pornography, women are often sexualized. God made us as sexual beings, but this should not be the dominant reason for asking someone for a date. While physical attraction is important, character, godliness, and compatibility are much more important.
Is this individual someone who can be your companion throughout life. If a young man is going to ask a woman for a date, he should ask her face to face. hiding behind a text or a message on social media, indicates a timidity and uncertainty which are not appealing. The young man needs to have the courage to ask a young woman face to face. Before he does so.
a wise young man will read the signs. Does the woman seem to enjoy his company? when he speaks to her is that eye contact. and does she quickly move away from him when he approaches her? In other words, Is she showing any interest in him?
If there's no interest, he should take this as a good reason for not asking her for a date. Darren. Also, a young man needs to demonstrate that he's a responsible individual. that he works hard. That he's dependable.
is pursuing spiritual maturity. Is involved in regular attendance at his church, is involved in ministry. What about his attitude? Is he humble? Is he self confident?
Is he serious about the Lord? But not too serious about himself. Has he got a sense of humour? Dating and romance should be bathed in prayer. but action is also required.
Faith without works is dead.
So pray for wisdom. from the Lord.
Now when you're going on this first date, let me say this to a young man. Don't speak too much. Don't try to impress the young woman with your great achievements. Scripture tells us that we should be slow to speak and quick to hear.
So listen. more than you speak. And on that first day, do not disclose everything about yourself. That's a huge mistake.
So the first date should be reasonably short.
Some relationships end quickly when the young man or the young woman describe all of their dating experiences and then start asking how many children the other person would like. This is the first eight. These kind of conversations should occur as the relationship matures. And certainly not on the first date when there may be a false intimacy. How will the young man know whether the date has been successful or not?
I'm often asked.
Well He should know by the young woman's reaction. If he's enjoyed the date and would like to pursue the relationship, he should make that known. Don't play games. Just say something like this to the woman. I've had a great time with you.
Would you be interested in getting together another time? And she can make any kind of reply from an outright No, I don't think that's a good idea, or let me think about it, or I'd love to do this again. There should be no manipulation. Honesty, integrity, good communication are essential. any signs of abusive speech, or abusive conduct and red flags.
And on the first day there should be no physical intimacy. Self-control is part of the fruit. of the spirit.
Now, I haven't referred to dating apps of which I'm totally ignorant. but I do know quite a number of couples who have met online and have successful marriages. But if you're going to go online, be honest in your profile. and tread very slowly. and tread very carefully and keep praying.
It is not good for the man to be alone. Abazando. You're listening to the weekly Avizandam podcast from The Verdict, featuring Pastor John Monroe. John is Senior Pastor at Calvary Church in Charlotte, North Carolina. Listen to John's daily program, The Verdict, on broadcast radio or major podcast platforms.
For more information about the Verdict Ministry, visit us online at calvarychurch.com/slash the verdict.
