This is the Truth Network. Coming to you from an entrenched barricade deep in the heart of central North Carolina, Masculine Journey After Hours, a time to go deeper and be more transparent on the topic covered on this week's broadcast. So sit back and join us on this adventure. The Masculine Journey After Hours starts here now. Welcome to Masculine Journey After Hours. You about caught us talking in the middle of the, between shows.
We just lost track of time and we were talking and all of a sudden we heard some music playing. Better than sleeping. We thought that was about an option was as tired as we all are. Well, that's why we were talking. Yeah, exactly.
We stayed awake. Exactly. But we are talking about uncovering and healing the father slash mother wounds in your life.
And obviously you can't do that alone. You have to do that through God's effort and it's a process. You know, we love to quote Shrek around here that, you know, your wounds are like onions, you know, they have layers.
And so Shrek says that ogres like onions, right? And so, you know, you do have these wounds that you work on and God continues to peel them back layer by layer by layer. And what I'm always surprised at whenever I think I'm done, there's another layer, you know, and it just goes deeper and the understanding and the relief and the restoration you get is just amazing. And so I have a confession to make whenever I came to the ministry, you know, you heard I had no problem. It took me a while to realize I didn't have a wound, right?
And a wound that's not acknowledged can't be healed. So that was the first step. But then it was like, you guys would go on and talk about wound number two and three in a variety of ways.
And they came in all these different directions. I'm like, really? Come on. Let's just get to the good stuff. Let's get to the sonship. Let's get to the new name. Well, you want to get to the beauty thing.
Yeah, still working on that. But, you know, I began to see that there are I mean, really, these woundings are just the things that have happened to you through life that the enemy's taken in. And, you know, part of the wounding talk is that the enemy will use multiple wounds and stitch them together to where you make agreements and vows and that kind of thing.
And, and so it is better. I mean, I don't probably focus on wounds. But a lot of times, you know, you can, you can look in your heart, you can do that have the check engine light and God will surface stuff in these wounds. So it's not a one and done for sure.
And I'll talk a little bit more when we're talking about wounds of, you know, kind of how they layer on to and maybe it's attachments to the same wounds that I just I have identified some just with this topic this week. So, yeah, you know, you got to start with one. Yeah, right.
And God will take you to the one that he wants you to start with. Yeah. Sometimes that's a father wound. Sometimes that's a mother wound.
Sometimes it's a coach. Sometimes it's lots of other things. And so it's just it's just important to start grant. But on the wounds, you can learn by live by. Yeah, absolutely.
You know, on a positive way, non negative. Well, you're gonna live by them either way. Right.
So if I don't let God enter in and help heal those, you know, and heal those and guide me through it. I'm gonna live by him either way. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I'm gonna live on the negative side of it.
You know, they say most millionaires have lost all their money multiple times before they become a millionaire. Well, if they would have listened to every time they failed, they would never get there. Right, right. Right. You know, it's something about pushing through some of that, but then also learning and moving on. And we're gonna get to a clip here in a second.
But first, I want to get to Harold and ask Harold if there's things that he wanted to share on this topic. Well, the thing about wounds, we don't recognize the source always, but the effect is with you. And I grew up all the way through adolescence into adulthood. And the father wound that I was carrying was my dad had a problem with alcohol. And that affected me in so many ways as I look back, I was always angry, I would lose my temper if the wind blew in the wrong direction.
And I began to realize that that was the root cause of that issue. That didn't give me the right to be that way and just simply blame my father. He had his own set of issues, he had his own wounds. And if we're not careful, then we can allow those wounds that we quote inherit to pass on.
And we can impact those who come after us in ways that we do not want and can't realize. So when I realized that my father had his own set of issues, and I began to realize that he wasn't just an evil person. He was really sick in some respects. And my relationship with him changed, fortunately. And so I went from being a teenager at points just hating my father, just wanting to get out of his life somehow, to having the last umpteen years of his life. We had a great relationship. I realized that I had had a love-hate relationship with my father all along.
I got rid of the hate part, thanks to the good Lord, and waking up on my part. So we need to be sensitive to other people. And if you can see something in someone that you recognize that was in you, you can help that person if you just try. So there are a lot of things about this wounding and stuff that I think is very important. Not always did I realize that, but I do now. And there's a saying I use about myself a lot of times, and it's too soon old, too late smart. And we need to be careful about that kind of thing.
Yeah. Well, thank you, Harold. I appreciate that. You know, sometimes we can know our wounds, but knowing does not always equal healing. Actually, knowing rarely equals healing. And it's going to take God's intervention to help you get past that. You know, I can understand where my wounds have come from. I get an understanding of those, but then I need to lean into God and say, God, okay, you're the great healer. I need you to enter in here and undo things I don't even know that need undone in the midst of it.
I have a good friend, Pastor Boyd Byerly, said one time that information without application will never bring about transpiration. And there's so much truth in that. Yeah.
There's a lot of Asians going on there. There is. Yeah. No, it's good. It's good. Andy, you have the first clip of this show. Yeah, so bear with me.
This will probably be, it'll be, we usually do. Who was that growling? I think it was Harold. Harold.
Yeah, it was Harold. Wow. I'm bearing with you. That's good, man. That's good. I'm slow.
Robby would be proud. No, this clip is tough. I couldn't really find exactly what I want, but I knew I wanted something from the kingdom of heaven, because the kingdom of heaven is a story of Balian, young man, lost his wife.
She committed suicide after losing her baby. A man comes into his life that's actually his father. He doesn't know it at the time. He begins, and then he figures it out.
And his father leaves, and then his father invites him to come on in the Crusades. And I may be getting some of this wrong. There's a lot to this story.
It's pretty in-depth. But really, you have a man of significance, Godfrey, Liam Neeson character here, Orlando Bloom is Balian, if you know those voices. But he's a good man, but he's not been a present man. So he comes into his life, and he has a lot of expectations for not really being around his son very much. He kind of imposes all this on his son, and you'll hear it. And it's a positive thing, and it makes this son want to aspire to be this great man. But he hasn't been fathered into it, and this is kind of what I felt. My dad had some ideas, and he was a good man, and he did some things wrong. But he had some good things and some good ideas, but then they talk here about perfectness, perfectness, whatever, of trying to do things perfectly.
And some people had kind of set that bar for him and stuff. And you end up being some of that wounding. I knew, and I've shared it many times on this show, about my father wounding and how my dad disappeared in my adolescence, and it really affected me down the road, and I didn't really feel like I was a man. And God really came into that, and I see him as my father.
But there's some depth to that wound that I hadn't seen. And it was more of this thing of have I really measured up to my father. I wasn't the son that carried a lot of the same attributes and skill sets that my dad did and stuff. But then, in a lot of ways, I feel like I really was truly my father's son. But listen to the clip.
I know I kind of jumped into my story beforehand, but I just wanted to show kind of how it relates and why I chose this clip. My son, you are all that survives me. Do not disappoint me. The king may move a man, you said, but the soul belongs to the man. I pray the world and Jerusalem can accommodate such a rarity.
To be buried a hundred yards from where I was born. As a perfect knight. Every man at arms, all capable of bearing them. Leo!
Will it be so hard to marry Sibylle? Jerusalem has no need of a perfect knight. Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. Speak the truth, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless.
There is no wrong. Safeguard the helpless. That is your oath. That is your oath.
Learn so you remember it. Rise a knight. Rise a knight! It has fallen to us to defend Jerusalem. What is Jerusalem worth? What is Jerusalem? Nothing. We defend this city, not to protect these stones, but the people living within these walls. All have claim.
Everything. Then under these terms I surrender Jerusalem. Then why your father's son? What man is a man who does not make the world better? I have surrendered Jerusalem. To the perfect knight.
In France, a few yards of silk can make a noble. We are all of us what we do. And if God does not love you, how could you have done all of the things that you have done? You know, all the things that I've done, how could I deny that God loves me? He's brought me from so much. But, you know, you hear so much in that, and again, it's hard to get the full context in a clip like that. But, you know, Jerusalem has no need of a perfect knight. And then there's another quote that says, you know, the expectation for him to be a perfect knight. And it's just all these expectations really put on him. In fact, I can remember – I don't know that I felt a lot of my dad's expectations, but he was a man that did things well.
He did well in his career, and he loved me well again. But, you know, I can remember when I first got serious about God in my 20s. And I put so much pressure on all this stuff that I needed to do. I got in like five or six, seven, eight, nine ministries. I don't know how many. I was just – and I wanted to serve.
And it was like all this pressure that he was being aligned to or what – oops, we've got some background. But – We've got some dancing music. Here we go. All right. Sorry about that. That's all right. It happens.
We all have phones. That happens. But, you know, there's just all these expectations. And I didn't really realize it until today, really, looking back into it. And that wound, God has come in and healed me. And the way he healed me was that he helped me see that Jesus – I think we talked about this earlier – Jesus, he said, my beloved son in whom I'm well pleased before he did anything in ministry, it was all about relationship. And that's the starting point.
You will never do anything without that connection. But if you try doing stuff to get God's attention or his approval, that doesn't work. And same thing that we do with our fathers is try to get approval and attention. My dad carried a lot of faults. And they came through on me, you know, sexual brokenness and that kind of thing.
Those things factor in. And then when I failed within my relationship or I felt like I did with my wife and all, you know, I was like, well, you know, it happened to my dad. And I saw, I feared for kind of the life to end up.
He died, you know, without a relationship or somebody in his life. And just through all of that, God has healed me so much through this. I almost feel like I have pre-healing because I know the answer to this, even in this deeper part of this woundedness that I experienced because I stepped so much into being a son. But it still helps me get context for something that I wasn't even really aware of.
It's like, I don't know, hopefully you understand where I'm coming from. But whenever I stepped into the sonship, I understood that I was being accepted for who I was. But I didn't really realize how, again, there was an expectation set to live a certain life. And I wanted to do everything right and perfect. And I didn't, there were times, I used to talk with guys that were friends of mine. It's like, I just want to be good at one thing, really good at one thing.
And I can't think of one thing I do. I think some men, other men I've talked to have had that same thought. And it gets to, you know, it gets back to do I have what it takes. But again, God has come into that. It's just a deeper understanding of the wound. God has come into, you know, God as Father has really come into a lot of this. You know, another thing I'll talk about is my mother wound.
It's a byproduct of this. My dad goes out of my life. My wife, my mom is the one that's there. And as good as my mom loved me, you know, she's a protective mom. And, you know, I felt like at some point, I mean, my stepdad used to think I was a mama's boy or whatever. I mean, I was always into guy things. But there was times where she wanted it safe for me.
Yeah, mom's going to want that. And it goes more to state of we need fathers. I mean, we've talked about men.
Masculinity has to be bestowed by other men and not a woman. And so there was some wounding there. And I didn't like that feeling of, you know, of being just raised by my mother.
God intended it for her to be both parents. So there was wounding in that too. But through the grace of God, I've got a lot of healing in all of this. But sorry to just ramble, but there's a lot. You know, when you start talking about and start going deeper into these wounds and getting, you know, getting more depth to the understanding of, you know, why you feel the way you do, how you carried something for a long time that has affected your day-to-day living. I want to ask you a follow-up question on that, though.
Sure. All right, so, you know, we said in the first show sometimes it's hard to dig into these wounds of a father, of a mother, because it feels like, you know, you're being disrespectful or that type of thing. How do you look at your father, your mother, you know, anyone that's answered differently after you've worked through some of the wounds?
Yeah, you just have a whole lot more grace. And I didn't fully understand my story. And the sad thing about it is most of us here talking didn't. We learned more about our parents' story after they were gone to where you couldn't go to them and say, hey, you know, I understand what went on. Somebody else had to tell you the rest of the story because it was probably too hurtful for my dad to tell. He told me a little bit about what his situation was with his grandfather growing up and how hard he was. And he mentioned his dad one time and said he was a coward. But then I found out from my aunt that, you know, his dad just wasn't present in his life and could have been. And that rejection that he felt. My dad, one thing you could say about him, he had three different marriages, but every one of his kids he stayed connected to and served them and didn't go away. And so that's just another way of having grace is just seeing the positives, even though the negatives were there, you see the positives in what they actually did. And going back to what you said, Andy, that, and I think I mentioned it a little bit earlier and didn't elaborate on it much, was the wounding seems to stem from the fact that we lose sight of or get fragmented or severed from the fact that we are our parents' child, period.
You know, I'm the oldest son of Robert Dany and Helen Marsh. Nothing I ever did change that for the positive or for the negative. Nothing ever changed that. And when you look at that from a godly perspective, you know, God adopted us through Christ. When you accept that, and he walked into the orphanage of this broken world and he looked me in the face and said, you're going to be my son.
There was no performance for it. But yeah, well, the enemy spins, and yes, we do things for God. Yes, we love ministry, we love all that thing, but the reality of it is we are the beloved sons. And we are the, you know, I know there's women, the beloved daughters of the Most High God. And when you grasp that, a lot of this stuff falls away because it no longer has a hold on you because I'm just now understanding, I'm almost 57 years old, that I'm the beloved son.
And man, if I don't watch you fire your woods wet, I'm sorry. But that's the reality of who we are. And you know, my dad's still living. I'm his beloved son. And you know, that's the thing. And I am a mama's boy. I always was and finally became proud of it, Andy.
Me too, absolutely. But that's the reality of us. And you know, I can remember a couple things that, and you're right, Sam, that we think that, you feel like you're talking bad about your parents, but there's some stuff that I hold on to that your dad told me a long time ago, son, get paid for what you know, not what you do. And man, that paid off. He said if they want to send you to school or something like that, you go.
And I did that in my career and have done pretty well. And the other thing that he taught me was just he was a good man. And he lived out what he believed is you treat people good and you get that back.
Because my dad's a nice, well-loved man. Thus hopefully I have become a well-loved nice guy. Yeah, I know. But there's still time to work a little bit. And there's a lot to what we've just talked about there.
Yeah, we covered a lot of great things. And Danny, you're talking about identity, and identity is key, but there's more to the abundant life than understanding my identity. You really need to know that. You need to know whose you are, right, that you're God's and that you are a beloved son or daughter of the king, right? And you've got to really understand that fully, but there's more to the abundant life.
Yes. There's the healing the wounds. There's the finding your calling. There's all sorts of other pieces that Jesus is offering now that's available. And you can make a case that this one sometimes seems more important than this one, but they're all important.
They are. I think they're just a matter of what you're going through in that season. And again, that's God orchestrating. It says the steps of a righteous man are ordered in the Lord.
I think that healing process and that growth process and that discipleship process are all those steps of the Lord. And we think sometimes they're random or we're doing it. We're orchestrating it or it's all happening by chance, but it's not the case. No, it's not. I'm going to go ahead and play the last clip. Now I will tell you at the beginning, I crunched it together too much trying to get too much in, so it's kind of hard to follow. It's called the Andy special.
Yeah, I andified it. And so what's happening here is from a show called Reacher. And this guy has been forced into the mob. He doesn't want to go into the mob.
He's a single father. His wife had passed away a few years before. As part of making sure he complies with the mob, they took his, at that time, teenage son, kidnapped him, cut off part of his ear, sent him back to him saying, Look, worse will happen if you don't continue to do this. And so the dad is talking to the son.
They've had a really horrible relationship. The son knows that the dad's in the mob kind of thing. And where we pick it up, the dad walks into the son's room and it's the dad's 50th birthday coming up, and the son had bought him a play gun that he had when he was a kid.
But it's going to be kind of hard to listen to some of this, but I want you to hear as he starts talking about why he was a bad father. And so let's just pick it up. Oh, hey, Dad. I thought you were working today. What did you put under that cloth? Nothing. I'm just cleaning up. Are you hiding something from me?
No. It's another cloth, Rich. Because from where I'm standing, it looked an awful lot like a gun. And the last thing I need right now is my son doing something stupid. Wait, Dad, wait. It's the same kind you had when you were a kid. It got damaged here, but I fixed it.
It's going to take a day for the epoxy to fully set, but... Yeah. I got it when I was four. I'd run around the woods all day with this thing, like a real Western hero. You were like that too when you were four. You were the happiest kid. And then after your mom died, it's like a light went out in you. You got so quiet.
You just broke. I'm just realizing now that maybe that's why I've been such a bad father. Yeah, you were, but you're not a bad man. Ever since getting wrapped up with McCabe, I was cruel, cold, distant. I did it on purpose, Richie. You know, if losing a wonderful mother damaged you so much, maybe it wouldn't be so bad losing someone like me.
I know that screwed up logic, you know, but no one gets training on how to be a dad unless you get it from your own dad, you know? I didn't. I didn't. I just didn't want you to hurt after I was gone, like you did when your mother passed, because honestly, I never saw myself getting out of this situation alive.
Don't say that. Instead of pushing you away, I should have pulled you closer to me. You're such a good person, Rich. You're everything that I ever wanted in a son. I'm sorry.
I caused you so much hurt, but I promise you, I will never let them hurt you again. So as I watched that, that was originally going to be my clip, you know, that I was going to use, and if you want to go back and listen to the first show, you'll understand why that wasn't my clip. But, you know, there's perspective that when you know your father's stories, we've talked a little bit about, you know, and my dad, you know, grew up in the Depression. I came around when he was 49. I was not planned. You know, that's part of my story.
My dad was a pretty tough guy at times, but when I found out what his childhood was like for my older sister, when I found out how much better he treated me than he got treated, it helped me to see him differently. It helped me to let God work through those wounds, and I'd encourage you to do that, is to continue to push into God. Go to masculinejourney.org to register for the boot camp coming up in November. It's November 20th through 23rd. Go register now.
There's no reason not to. Financially, if you need some help, let us know. We'll figure out how to get you there.
Masculinejourney.org. This week, lean into God. Say, God, what wound are you wanting to work on in me? And let him work in that, and say, God, help me to heal that, and then just let him love on you, and then love on others. We'll talk to you next week.
