Vulnerability With Others

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This is the Truth Network. The heart of every man craves a great adventure, but life doesn't usually feel that way. Jesus speaks of narrow gates and wide roads, but the masculine journey is filled with many twists and turns.

So how do we keep from losing heart while trying to find the good way when life feels more like a losing battle than something worth dying for? Grab your gear and come on a quest with your band of brothers who will serve as the guides in what we call The Masculine Journey. The Masculine Journey starts here now. Welcome to The Masculine Journey. We are very glad to have you with us this week. And I got to say, Robby, I'm feeling incredibly vulnerable.

How fitting for a topic for this week. Oh, it couldn't be more so because, you know, our programming became vulnerable all the second, right, as we went on the air. Yeah, and I don't think I've ever had you sit in a chair that was lower than me. It feels really weird to look down talking to you.

It's normally like looking up. Oh, you remember in low I'm with you. Oh, there you go.

That's true. Well, we are doing a show on vulnerability today and so we're going to be talking about that and we may have some clips. We may not.

We'll see, you know, but we're with Walking with God and that's part of the adventure. Robby? Andy, you know, this was Andy's topic and he bailed.

He's way back at the back. He can't get to the mic just yet. But the real issue, you know, as we were at this particular boot camp, you know, it's like when the wind of vulnerability starts to blow and somebody chooses to share, you know, deep, intimate stuff, then all of a sudden things get real. It does.

It does. It's, there's something about when people are authentic and people see that they long for it, right? That they want to feel that authenticity.

They want to feel that, you know, I can't say that I like to rush into vulnerability, you know, that's not like the top of my thing. But, you know, over the years it's gotten a lot easier. It's easier to share stuff, you know, especially as God's done healing in your life.

Wow, it's so easy to talk about those things because he's done all the work, you know, and you just reap the benefits of sitting back and living in some freedom. And with age, vulnerability does become easier. But every once in a while, like before this show, you can step out there and get in trouble. You could be way out on the edge of the vulnerability thing.

But yeah, it was still good. But it does as you and most men do not like the word intimacy. No. Unless it's talking about hopping into some place that they enjoy it. We're gonna end up on the edge again, Jim.

All right. The edge is a good place to be. But that is really what we're talking about. And intimacy with God is the most important vulnerability. I want to use intimacy because I can't say the other word. But intimacy with other people.

Yes, that's next week's topic. Gets us to the point where like, oh, I'm not the only one, right? Exactly. And I give Andy a hard time. Andy and I were talking and the topic kind of came up as we were talking, you know, and he'll be on the show here in just a few. But, you know, as we were talking, just we were talking honestly about the last boot camp and how we just come off doing the shows we've done.

And one of the big topics that we talked about was vulnerability at the camp. You know, but, you know, Jesus calls us in scripture, Jim, it calls us or Danny, either one, you know, jump in the scripture, guys, you know, it says to confess your sins to one another. Right. What do you think that they they say that in scripture? Why do you think that that's important? But it's easy to sometimes just go out and pray to God. But when you put skin on it, it makes a different reality that all of a sudden here's somebody who can respond, not that God can't, but that it makes there is more humbling, I guess is what I'm trying to say. I think there's that aspect of it. I also think that as we share with one another, we realize that we all have our own stuff. Right. And things in the dark, once they come to the light, don't have the power that they had. Right. If I share that stuff with somebody, the enemy has less power over me in the midst of it.

I heard it said one time, you're only as sick as your darkest secret. Something to ponder there. One of the things about being vulnerable is it really, I mean, when we're not vulnerable, we're posing as a rule. Right. One of the wonderful things about being vulnerable is, is it takes you to a place of freedom. And God knows everything anyway. As you said, it's sort of, that's an easy one.

But when you can find friends that you can say anything to, and they support you, there's very little that's more freeing than that. And did I talk long enough to get you back into the driver's seat? I need Harold's shirt right now.

What's it say on a shirt? I have stopped listening. So why are you still talking?

I just demonstrated that. I'm sorry, Jim. I was trying to figure something out here, but I do want to go to a clip. And I think I'll use one from a movie called City Slickers.

It's a short clip and we can get to it, but it's in this show, there's three friends that have went away to this dude camp, you know, to rope cattle and move them across the desert and so forth and branch camp. But thank you. Whatever. Thank you.

Well, they're there. Whatever. Yeah, camp dressing.

That didn't work. Dude, caps, totally a different thing. Okay, so they're going to the ranch camp thing. And so they're all friends, and they're trying to find themselves and discover what it means to be a man. And they start talking about the best day ever and worst day ever in their life. And this is the last person to go.

And this is a very stoic friend that never shares anything about his life. And so I want to listen to it and we'll come back and talk about it. It's dude ranch. Dude ranch camp. There we go. Hit that on Disney next week. All right, Ed, your best day.

What is it? No, I don't want to play. Well, we did it. I don't feel like it. Okay.

I'm 14 and my mother and father are fighting again. You know, because she caught him again. Caught him.

This time the girl drove by the house to pick him up. And I finally realized he wasn't just cheating on my mother. He was cheating on us. So I told him, I said, you're bad to us. We don't love you.

I'll take care of my mother and my sister. We don't need you anymore. And he made like he was going to hit me, but I didn't budge.

Then he turned around and he left. Never bothered us again. But I took care of my mother and my sister from that day on. That's my best day. What was your worst day?

Same day. Andy, you know, when you look at this, you probably have three friends that's known each other quite deeply. I mean, they've talked about life things. They've been on adventures together. You know, they went running with the bulls and all the kind of stuff that they've done in the movie.

But yet when it really gets to it, this is the first time they're probably hearing his story. Yep. Yep.

For sure. I think we do that a lot. I know I've done it a lot in my life. And even around you guys who through the boot camps, I was a camper in the beginning, started coming to boot camp started hearing, you know, vulnerability from the stage. I was like, what in the heck?

I mean, because you just don't hear this stuff. And then welcome to do boot camp rants. So the whole vulnerability thing, though, is, you know, that is what we see at the boot camps and what comes out that I believe that we talked about earlier that actually changes lives. God changes our lives.

But they're, you know, talked about how, you know, light is when when light comes into a situation that changes things. But we do even even in that comfort level, even in hearing your guys stories, it took me quite a bit of time to be able to share. You know, there's a safe ones, you know, initially, and then there's then you get a little bit deeper. And then a lot of times you've buried stuff, you don't even think about it. And somebody else's story prompts something in your heart and you remind you of something from your story. And then, you know, it's a safe place. So then you're able to return that. And then that helps somebody else.

It's almost like I said earlier, it's almost contagious vulnerability becomes contagious. Yeah, I think that's gonna sound like a stretch, which, you know, usually is when I'm throwing something in here. But, you know, I think about back to the pastors that I've enjoyed really listening to their teaching. And obviously, they have Scripture in their teaching, right, but it's the ones that can take it and relate it to the story in their life. Then I can see how it's applied, then I can see how they've overcome, then I can see how they've struggled, you know, and that's the power for me. Yes, the Scripture is the basis.

But it's the story and what God has done with them. That's been the amazing part, which actually is Scripture teaches that right, it's through, you know, your brokenness. In other words, where you're weak, is where it shows his strength. And, you know, I've talked about it and gotten a lot of laughs from the, you know, the light shows through our cracks. And, you know, by amplifying, you know, and saying, you know, here's where, here's where, you know, I'm all broken up. But as that light shines through, then it touches, actually, the people's brokenness that's in the same place. And time and again, in my own life, from the stage, you know, somebody's ability to, you know, share what it is that they've gotten healing from touches a similar place in mine.

And time and time and time again. And then the beauty of it, the way that it happens at dude camp is that you go right into a covenant of silence, or cone, you know, depending on who you are. But you go into this time of silence with God. And then you're actually, you know, give him a shot at what it is that you're doing.

But again, the community is a huge part of that, Jim. One of the things that that triggered was our conversation beforehand for me is, you're talking about pastors. And it hit me that just I'm not gonna name any names, so you won't know my favorites. But I discovered one that I absolutely love.

Three days ago, my wife discovered him and shared him, and we've watched six or eight hours. He teaches Bible verses very well. But it is the stories and his vulnerability from the platform that, and he's a pretty big name that I didn't know, which is not surprising.

I'm not aware of much. But you went on to talk about two other pastors that you met at the radio thing. NRB. NRB, thank you.

I knew there was an RN there. And one of them has always been one I love to hear from, and the other was one, yeah, I love his teaching, but I'd rather read it because he strikes me as being arrogant. It just hit me.

I don't think I've heard any stories about him when he's teaching. He's telling us what we're supposed to do. And that is a huge thing. If we've got that kind of intimacy with who we're learning from and with our friends, it's amazing. And there's the level of credibility when you're learning a passage on breaking through sin or breaking through forgiveness, when they can share a story of when it happened in their life. That's when it becomes real, right?

That's when the rubber meets the road. Go to masculinejourney.org. We've got an upcoming boot camp coming up in November the 18th through the 21st.

Oh, very good. It could be dude camp. Up November 18th through the 21st. Go to masculinejourney.org and register today. Mail it to P.O.

Box 550, Kernersville, North Carolina, 27285. Andy, that was a very good bumping. You did pick that, right? Thank you. Yes. Are you going to tell me I picked it? I'm just wondering because we've been doing this on the topic.

That one's been on my heart for some time waiting for the right topic. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Matthew West. I recommend Truth Be Told is the name of the song. It was really powerful. I'm going to have Danny speak to it because I think it really spoke to him.

But you know, that whole song really gets into this whole thing, this culture that we have that we're not to share. Everybody's fine. Everybody's good. I'm good. Yeah, I'm good.

It's fine, fine, fine. And we're dying inside. And that is where community has I mean, community vulnerability. It's key to what we're doing. And this is this is not this is really the antithesis of vulnerability.

This is actually how we're acting. And that's not what Jesus intended. He expected us to be able to share our faults with one another. He tells us and James to do that. And there's healing in that through him. I think it was a great point, Robby, that you made about, you know, not only do you share amongst each other, but then you go take it to God in the covenant silence or quiet time. So your funnel of silence. Yeah, exactly.

Whatever. The megaphone of silence. I love the song.

I had never heard it. And when I played the bump, I went played the song. And because, you know, for such a season in my life and leadership, that was me, that was that I thought I had to have it all together, you have to have all the answers.

And God forbid that you have broken this, because what will people think? And so the song just kind of speaks to that. And there's such a reality in leadership sometimes that, you know, people are looking to you for answers. And if you have a place, you don't have answers.

What kind of leader are you? And that's what the enemy whispers. But you know, it's such a, such a lie. But anyway, perfect segue for our clip, Sam. Okay, you set it up. Yeah, it's from the king's speech.

So how would you like to be king of England? And wow, you can't talk. You stutter really, really bad. It's a phenomenal movie.

Really is. It's just one of my favorite movies. I've probably watched it three times. And in this particular clip, is when actually the king, well, and his friend, the Australian, that's his therapist, who plays a wonderful, you know, bad guy in Les Mis. But in this in this movie, he's a good guy, he's the friend. And he begins to call him out on, you know, what was his childhood like, and the king becomes vulnerable.

And literally, it changes everything. Who were you closest to in your family? Nannies. Not my first nanny. She, she loved David.

Hated me. When we were presented to my parents for the daily viewing, she'd be, she'd pinch me. So I'd cry and be handed back to her immediately. And then she would sing it. Then she wouldn't feed me far, far away. Took my parents three years to notice. As you can imagine, caused some stomach problems.

Still. You know, Lionel, you're the first ordinary Englishman, Australian, I've ever really spoken to. When I'm driven through the streets, and I see the, you know, common man staring at me. I'm struck by how little I know of his life and how little he knows of mine.

Thank you. What are friends for? I wouldn't know.

Yeah, I clipped that right there. Because, you know, that was me. Um, before I came to Christ, before I, you know, got to know you guys, that what are friends for?

I wouldn't know. Because in order for the people to be friends to you, you got to be needy out loud. I mean, you got to be willing to share what really is going on in there.

And it's just a beautiful clip. Because I think if we're all really honest with ourselves, we can relate to, you know, I see those common people out there. And, and I little how little do they know of my life?

And how little do I know of theirs? Is is definitely, you know, part of what that what that is? Yes, Harold. Abraham Lincoln said, God must love the common man, because he made so many of them. Yeah, exactly. But you see, that's the point. We don't think we're common. We don't think that we suffer. And I don't mean this from a standpoint of I'm better. I mean it from a standpoint of I'm worse.

I don't think those people suffer with all the craziness that I suffer with. And again, that the king is is saying that and as a result, he can't make friendships. But I heard this wonderful sermon from Dave Busby, where he talked that intimacy means into me. See, and with my actual friends. You know, the people that I that I do love the people that I do walk with the people that, you know, support me or that I support however that works out.

Do I open up and let them into me see what what really is going on? Because when I've done that, you know, quite often, not only did I get a chance to receive the love and support from them, but then I also saw somebody go, Wow, I've got that. And the next thing I know, wow, I'm not the only one. And, and, and then I see them get healing. And then that goes into my testimony.

In other words, when I hold close to my heart, like, I saw Andy, get this healing, I saw Sam, get this healing, this healing is available. I thought you couldn't get over that. Mm hmm. Right. You know, I, if somebody asked me, when I was in my early 20s, did real love even exist?

I would have told him no. That, you know, that was that was how confused my life had become as you try to do this thing as the baby shark, right? Yeah. One of the things that I think we need to touch on while we're in this first show is what keeps people from being vulnerable?

Right? I mean, I think we're, we're born out of community, we're called to community, but it seems like one of the hardest things to establish and keep, right, is some type of intimate community. So what gets in the way of us being vulnerable with one another? Well, I think one of the things that jumped out at me when you had this King's speech, we talked about a little bit beforehand. To me, I see a routine and a pattern in society that is exactly that King's speech. I'm this guy that's completely separated from everybody else.

I'm in this path. And then look at our society. If you look at everybody who has fame and fortune and something to lose, right, because this is all what the world possesses is important. This is this is what look at what I have. And they just grip it with everything, right? They don't want to lose that. So what they do is they get themselves in a world where, okay, I'm alone.

I'm by myself. I can't show vulnerability. I can't open up.

And the suicide rates and the other things that go on at these famous actors, actresses, legends of sports and all the different things that go on now what's happening in younger society. It's that people won't open up. And if they do, they think that, oh, I'm so bad. I'm so horrible.

And nobody's gonna love me. And it's like, that's the furthest thing from the truth. The enemy is just winning hand over fist with this fight. Yeah, the biggest thing that he throws at every one of us, including all the people you mentioned is you're the only one that struggles with this uniquely the way you do.

Right? Other people have gotten past this other people found freedom that's not for you. I've always called it terminal uniqueness. Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. And it's true. And that's what the enemy plays on you that it's, but it's only you. Right. And, you know, we've all had the experience of probably at some point of being bullied in our life that when you showed vulnerability, it didn't end up well.

And so the enemy loves to throw those at you. You know, the person that did stab you in the back over something that you shared, you're gonna say, well, it's gonna be like that again. Now, when you walk with God in the midst of the vulnerability is the key. Obviously, like we say every week is walking with him.

And when he calls you to be vulnerable with somebody, he wants you to be vulnerable with that person or that group of people. Right. The new take on it is cancel culture, right? There you go. You'll be canceled.

You know, if you share what you really think, you know, then they'll turn their back on you and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. Well, the good news is, and who was it that name is? Is it? God judges me. Danny. Right.

Should be me. But speak to that a minute. Like if God is your judge, then who can cancel you? Well, I've known that was part of what Danny meant for a long time. And I looked at it as God is my judge. In other words, he's just like everybody else. He's looking down to judge him. But what it has come to mean is that God is my judge.

So I appreciate you, but you really don't count in some areas. And that's not being mean. It's just that he created me, knit me together in my mother's womb for a purpose.

And the things that I have come to now love about myself, God created them. He's the judge. He made it right.

He didn't make any mistakes. And that's kind of where I've gone with that is, you know, God is my judge. Yeah.

And I would like to say that every church out there has always been completely supportive. You know, good luck with that. Yeah. I'd like to say it, but it's not necessarily true. You know, one of the things over the years, I've been able to become friends with a lot of pastors and they'll often say, I can't afford to be vulnerable because if I'm vulnerable, my flock will turn on me. You know, their word's not mine, right? They're going to turn and crucify me in their own way.

Right. And so maybe that's not who God's calling them to be that vulnerable with, but I'm sure there's still somebody there for them to be. And even at my position as an assisting pastor, I'm much more open with you guys than I am with most of the folks at church.

And we've about to run out of show, but real quick, I recently had the opportunity to talk to another pastor at the church and we opened up in major ways because we had a common enemy and a common goal. And that is what we need to look for to have that. But without being vulnerable, you're never going to discover that. That's right. Right.

Because somebody had to step first. Go to masculinejourney.org, register for the upcoming boot camp. It's called a boot camp. And it's coming up November 18th through the 21st this year. Go register now. Spots will be going quickly. I promise you. This is the Truth Network.