Vulnerability With Others After Hours

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This is the Truth Network. Coming to you from an entrenched barricade deep in the heart of central North Carolina, Masculine Journey After Hours, a time to go deeper and be more transparent on the topic covered on this week's broadcast. So sit back and join us on this adventure. The Masculine Journey After Hours starts here now.

Welcome to Masculine Journey After Hours. We are talking about vulnerability today. I think I said that right. Yeah.

Were you going to chime in? Behind the deep barricade. You know, we really have the fence up.

No gophers are getting it here. We got that entrenched barricade. It's an entrenched barricade.

Thank you. Yeah, we're entrenched. But you can be vulnerable in the entrenched barricade. We got our fences up. We do.

We do. You know, and that's the problem. We all kind of live with these fences that we keep up, keeping others out. And it's kind of like the cocoon, right? You know, you wrap yourself up in it, but then you never push through it.

And so you just sit there and die. Cheery episode. I could have been a butterfly. Cheery episode. Masculine Journey, thank you. Andy, this was your topic. Reflection.

No, it was our topic. Let's say it that way. We were talking the other day and we're talking about the power of vulnerability and then what gets in the way. And then we did talk about that on the last show, that the enemy hates it. The enemy hates vulnerability.

Keeps a lot of people bound there for a long time. It does. You know, it doesn't allow breakthrough.

It doesn't allow intimacy. Yeah. And what we're saying not where it keeps you bound is, I guess, just the opposite of not being vulnerable.

I guess that would be behind a pose or behind some kind of hiding behind a mask of afraid of really being, letting somebody know who we really are, the good, bad, and the ugly, and trusting that they're not going to reject us and they're going to continue to love us. Yeah. You often see people fall on one side of the equation or the other. I'm not going to share hardly anything or I'm going to throw so much at you, you're going to run away. You know, you've probably been around those people, you know, and it's like, well, if people always leave, you're like some sandpaper there.

I mean, throw this grenade of crap in your lap, you know. Yeah. They're just broken like we all are.

They're just broken in a different way. But, you know, this vulnerability, you know, part of this after hours is talking about where it's made a difference in our life. Right. And so we talk about being a band of brothers. Yep. So we should have some stories here or there about when the vulnerability of one another helps you or helps others.

Yep. I will say this, whenever I started going, I mean, Red Wild at Heart went to the boot camp. There was a lot of breakthrough and victory I got.

But I will have to say the victory accelerated when I got connected with a band of brothers. I've had some great Christian friends of mine, but there's a lot of them that I would not share with. And it probably they probably could have handled it. But it was the culture and what I thought that you just didn't share. You know, like I say, the good, the bad and the ugly.

We have no problem with sharing the good. It's the bad and the ugly. We just want to keep, you know, keep away. But when I feel like I really accelerated in my, I don't know, becoming, understanding who the true me was of, of not, you know, there's years that I wanted to have close relationships with Ben, but knew it wasn't possible because I wouldn't share anything and, and having that desire for that yet, knowing I was inhibited from it.

But then when it became possible, it became possible. When I got around to you guys and you started sharing your stories, I'm like, Whoa, people do this. This sounds like a counseling session or something, you know? And, uh, you know, it brings a lot of Liberty. And then I remember I learned this scripture years ago, James five, seven, five, 16, um, confess your faults one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. And it's all right there. There's a prescription for health and wholeness if we just follow it, but we just don't like to get, uh, you know, transparent and vulnerable before our friends.

Yeah. And one thing I think we would clarify that we're not saying is don't go into your, your couples therapy or your couples Bible study and go, Hey, I struggle with pornography. It may not go over great with that whole collective group, you know, let God kind of walk in your audience.

Yeah, exactly. God, who do I share this with? You've laid it on my heart. Who do I share this with? And when do I share it?

That's another part, not just who, but give me the timing of when you went. And I think that's important is to pray for God to give you that safe place, that place where you can do that because you're right. And, and it, the more you talk about it and the more you get freedom, the easier it is to talk about it more general group.

But when you're first starting out, if you're really wanting to be vulnerable, find somebody that you can trust for sure. That falls to in Matthew, where Jesus said, don't cast your pearls before swine. Pearl was, is a beauty to us, but it is a pain to the oyster and those things that are birthed in and that become a treasure.

You know, the things that have been healed in my life are my pearls, my treasures, and you just can't just throw them out to anybody because that's foolish. Yeah. They're going to get stomped on at best. Yeah. Well, and then they'll turn on you and that is what we fear and why it's so hard to be open. But what you made me think of, we're getting into the Bible at the after hours. This is the tough part.

It's just scary. But you reminded me of Galatians six, which is my favorite. This is how you correct people verse.

And I'm going to read it because I'm terrible at memory versus, but it's brothers and sisters. If someone is caught doing something wrong, you who are directed by the Ruach restore such a person and a spirit of gentleness, looking closely at yourself. So you are not tempted. Also, if you are a person that is following that, then you're a fairly safe person to come to because there is no sin that any of us are not capable of committing. Yeah. And if we accept others recognizing that, you know, they're not going to shock you. They're not going to chase you away.

You can be a good friend. You guys amazed me. I have to say it's, I usually, it's the book of it's in there somewhere verse seven, you know, 12, whatever. I don't know.

You know, I know I remember the stories from the Bible, but I don't necessarily remember where they're located. Yeah. And I think when we talk about vulnerability, you know, right off the bat, going to the first bootcamp and having Corey go from, I'm walking in here, unbelieving. I don't know what's going on. I'm completely pissed off.

I don't, this isn't for me. Walking out of there, getting baptized was such a weekend of itself. And to walk through that, all the different prayer times and other things that went on that were just so opening and inviting that it started something, but really it's the, it's, it wasn't, oh yeah, up on stage, there's this one. And then there's maybe another one here. It's no, it's just kind of continual constant. Cause when you're in that band of brothers that you're talking about, Andy, it's probably just sharing in between the break between shows. It's, it's the same thing. It's just, it's that constant continual, this is what I'm doing. This is where my, I met my life and this is what's going on. It's been going on, especially very thick since bootcamp. Cause there's been a lot of little things.

Hey, pray for me, pray for me, pray for me. This is what's going on. And to be a part of that, to be in that, it, it helps you to understand your own things.

Yeah. But it's, it helps you to understand that you need to free your heart from the bondage and whatever it's got you. And it's got you trapped. It's got you holding your held down, you know, and you're getting body slammed and you're just like, what's going on here? And it's like, no, you can, you can get some freedom, talk to people, talk to your brothers, go there with them.

And it's, it's a wonderful place. And there's times that sometimes a friend needs to make you do that. And Andrew, we have a clip that, you know, you had where a friend wisely kicks his friend in the backside and says, look, go be vulnerable with this person.

Yeah. So it's from open range and we got, um, Charlie, who is this gunslinger kind of guy that, uh, has, has come into a town and tried to help that town become free from these, um, these guys are taking control of the town and he's getting ready to go to a gunfight and he's walking, they're leaving this girl's house. Uh, I think she's, uh, her brother's a doctor of the town and they're leaving her house and, and Charlie has feelings for her, but he won't tell her that. And he's getting ready to go to a gunfight and he may not live. And, and his buddy, I can't remember his name, boss, boss.

There we go. So boss, boss tells him, you know, you're going to have to step up and tell her how you feel, you know, how is she going to know? So listen to the clip. We'll talk about it. You're just going to go off like that without saying nothing. Ain't nothing to say. I seen how you look at that gal, the way she looks at you. It ain't right to walk away without a word. What do you want me to tell her, boss?

We probably ain't going to make it. Be a big fat comfort. I don't know what you should tell her, Charlie. I mean, I wish I'd have said more to my wife before she passed. This may be the last time she sees it in this world, Charlie, or you, her.

So tell her whatever you can, cause she's entitled to more than just your backside walking away. Charlie. I'm not sure what's worth saying or not. You don't have to say anything, Charlie. Yeah, I do. Boss is right about that.

He's right about a lot of things. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Boss is right about that. He's right about a lot of things. It's just, I'm not who you think I am, Sue. I've been places. I've done things. Most of them I'm not proud of. You know, I always hoped somebody gentle and caring might come along.

Years pass, a small town and all, and their hopes begin to fade a little every day until you hardly remember what they were. I've seen who you are, Charlie. The way you looked after that boy, and the respect you give Boss.

They might be little bets, but they're enough for a woman who looks. It's like I didn't even listen to the clip before I said anything. Yes, Boss. Boss. Boss. Okay. Vulnerable doesn't listen well.

That would be Boss, Alex. I don't listen very well. No, I really did like the clip because there's multi-factors going on here, I think. You see a guy that he's shared his heart a little bit with this guy. Something God showed me when we were talking earlier is that men have troubles being vulnerable with each other, and then they wonder why they can't even be vulnerable with their wife or a woman. It's guys who you understand. How are you going to be able to go and do that, be vulnerable with a woman? I think that's some of the stuff that gets in the way.

We need to learn to be vulnerable generally with the people we're comfortable with before we go to the ones that we're not so comfortable with. That makes sense. I was listening to that clip, and for me what it was is you kind of had Boss, which was his name, kind of played the God character, the Holy Spirit, saying, prompting him. You say, go do this, Charlie.

That's not the last thing you want to do. Because Charlie listens and becomes vulnerable, she becomes vulnerable. Sue does as well. And then she speaks life back into him. And she points out the good that she's seen in him, not just the bad. That's what we do as well as we become vulnerable.

We see the bad and start talking about that, but our brothers point out the good that's in us and in coming back to us. They do? Sometimes. Depends on that friend. Maybe tonight.

I'm not really sure. One of the things that really stuck out to me was the lost opportunity that Boss mentioned. He had had a wife, and there were things he needed to say to her that he did not. And so I think that's a very important thing that we say what's in our heart to the people that we love. And the fact that you, I think that he listened to the advice.

So he must have done something where he contemplated it, thought, wow, there's a lot of wisdom there. How often do we take great advice and just bypass and go on? And we look back and go, boy, I really wish I would have taken that advice. That was really good advice that I got. And you just, it's so easy just to go on. The challenge is for really all of us is we don't even take our own advice.

Definitely not. So, you know, what happened to me at the boot camp to be a little bit vulnerable was, you know, I had this great advice for the, I did the first talk and the advice was to be needy out loud, right? Like, you know, you got to tell Jesus what you want. You got to tell it, you know, so we can pray for you.

You got to share that, right? And so the first night we sat down with the prayer cards that guys had filled out. And if you never come to a boot camp, one of the neat things from my perspective is we have the ammo cans all around the camp and people, they're needy out loud. They tell us what they're really struggling with. Well, that night a card came in from a camper that we all knew really well that just kind of, I just sat back and I went, oh my goodness, he's struggling with that. I, you know, how vulnerable was he? How needy out loud was he, Robby? And it really convicted me like, yeah, Robby, where's your prayer card, buddy? And like you had talked about that when somebody's vulnerable and this guy was vulnerable, I mean really vulnerable and in a really good way, I thought. And he, because the wind was blowing that direction, I went, yeah, I really need to take that to heart. And then, you know, the next day when Andy did his talk and, you know, it opened up all sorts of files for me and next thing I knew, you know, I took out some cards and man, I mean, it, it literally changed my boot camp on all sorts of levels.

And, and not just then, but since then. Yeah. After the show, before the show, we'll spend some time together talking about the show and then after the show, we'll sit and talk about life. And it's just been amazing over the years how just someone sharing their heart and where they are and what God's doing with them leads to breakthrough for somebody else.

Right. We've seen it multiple times in that room, you know, that God just says, Oh yeah, I've got something for you too. And something will ping in your chest and you go, Ooh, you know, and then you'll start to listen and God may have something there for you. He wants to dig in then or something for a later date to dig into, you know, we're just a kind word to remind you, you know, and it's pretty cool that it's through that vulnerability that God chooses to reveal himself more fully sometimes.

This is called that air now. So Andy, what do you think we need at this topic? Well, I was just thinking, you know, we talking about the band of brothers and having been to being the newer guy right here.

I'm not going to say Ricky. I don't like that word. You're still the lighting technician. Yeah.

I am the lighting technician who lives in a cone of silence. So, but you know, having moved to a new place, new church, new all that stuff and, and learning that there is a band of brothers that you can trust your heart with. And then, you know, yesterday was not a great day, but, uh, because it was great in some ways, but I have what we thought was eczema on my hands and learned yesterday was psoriatic arthritis, which is which is a little bit deeper issue and ended up being put on some medication that I wasn't crazy about. And I will be, um, but, but the interesting is one of you guys text me and said, how are you doing with all that? And I appreciated that because I was able to be a little vulnerable as much as you can in a text.

I don't think texts are very vulnerable by the way, because you can't see inflictions and that kind of thing. But anyway, the, uh, that is neat to, to know that you can find people that are trustworthy with your heart and you guys are trustworthy with my heart. So thank you. Yeah.

It's definitely something that you need to practice, right? You know, for me, it was, um, when we first started doing boot camps and I had, uh, the first few boot camps, I had my nephews coming up from Florida and I'm like, Oh no, I gotta be vulnerable. I'm doing the wound. Oh my gosh.

You know, and, uh, you know, having had my sons at camp, which has been a great blessing for me, but you know, it's also, I think it's sometimes that they've seen dad be a lot more vulnerable than what they would normally see me, you know, cause at home you gotta have the answers. You gotta figure out what you're going to do. You gotta, you know, even if it's not opposed, it's just the role you play. Yeah. Right. And when you can get away and not have to be that right.

And just be yourself and walk with God in it. It's pretty amazing. My mom had something she did years before she passed away, probably four or five years. She, I talked to her on the phone every week. I would call her every week. And she was in Florida and she'd say, Hey, I want to make sure that, uh, I tell you every time the last thing I want to say is I want to say, I love you. And I want that to be the last thing you hear.

Cause one of these days it will be the last thing you hear. And I want you to always know that deeper than anything else that I love you. Right. And she did it from that point on, you know, and it was just pretty cool.

And it's something that made me want to do that with my kids. Right. Cause one of these days it will be the last time to hear it. You don't want to do it with me.

Yeah. I've never heard you. I like you a lot, Robby.

Check yes or no. I think Robby was being needy out loud right there. I could feel some, I could feel some conviction over that.

I'm just not, I don't know. Maybe that's next bootcamp. After that deeply moving topic, Sam, it was wonderful to have some levity because the only example I've got is trivial and silly, but it also happened at bootcamp and it does have an illustration to it. I, when I was young half a century ago, I loved chemistry, but my real passion was explosives. And I was sharing that over a meal and, you know, talking about trinitrotoluene and nitrogen triiodide and most people glazed over. Well, there was one guy that knew what I was talking about. So in that, you know, if, if I had been doing today what I was doing 50 years ago, I'd probably be at Guantanamo Bay, but I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations is out on all the stuff I used to do with explosives. But that was my entertainment and that was my biggest danger in my life.

And I connected with a guy over something that silly, but it was, if I'd never opened up, that wouldn't have happened. So he's seen some things. Yeah. Different guy, actually, believe it or not. But we've all seen some things, right?

The fireball going off in front of a police officer is one of the things I've seen. One of my favorite things about my kids as they've gotten older is whether it's a birthday, Father's Day, whatever is I look forward to their cards more than I look forward to anything else. They're not, they're going to give me something that's probably pretty cool.

But you know, I'm at the point where I don't need anything. You have to try to think of things that I need, you know, just so they can buy me something. And, but it's the cards that I look forward to, because they'll be vulnerable when they write the cards and the cards I've keep, I keep, you know, not that I don't keep their gifts, but I can't tell you what they got me last birthday.

I remember, but before that, you know, I can tell you three birthdays ago what I got. But I have the cards. Yeah.

And the cards are special. And I figured out what to ask your kids for consumables. Something you're going to use up. Okay. Okay. That makes sense. Ish.

So this group is quiet on vulnerability. Come on. Well, I will follow up on Jim story about all the explosions and everything. I told him that I was had a dilemma after listening that I was having trouble trying to figure out just how high and IQ you had to have to be able to do it and just how low and IQ you had to have in order to do it. True, true.

Hebrew logic is what you need there. You can have both and it's not either or. All right.

So we've got just about three minutes left in this show. And I we're not hearing any vulnerability stories. We're supposed to be talking about being vulnerable. Robby did. So I'll tell you.

Robby's off the thing, Andy, you're up. All right. So, you know, the wound. I did that talk this time and told my story a little bit. And for the longest time, you know, you'd hear different guys and not all stories are going to be exact, but they're going to, they're going to resonate with you and, and to hear, you know, various stories about the wound. It, it helped me to go deeper into understanding my father when my father loved me, he was a good man to me, but he disappeared in a most very critical part of my life. And to hear the stories and the vulnerability on other guys' lives, Sam, your dad of not being there for you whenever it was important, you know, where he could watch baseball all day, but not, you know, yeah, go to my game, go to your game. You know, just, just the different stories I would hear, you know, it's like, okay, there's something more than, I mean, you knew your dad loved you just like I knew my dad loved me, but there was a lack of presence in my life. And for the longest time I didn't get my wound. And the more I heard the stories, it's not just Sam's, it's everybody's it's, it's almost like a, just a collection of all these stories that begin to help you make sense of your own story and allow you to finally internalize things to where you can say, okay, that's where God needs to come in and heal me.

God does the healing. It's not the, it's not the stories from the other guys. They're the, they're the catalyst. Yeah. Thank you for filling that in there.

Yeah. Well, you know, and to be fair to my dad, Johnny Bench was a much better hit than I was. So that's probably why you would have watched the Reds instead of going to my games.

No, we had a few weeks ago, we were all sharing. It was one of the times that, you know, we were talking into some depth and, you know, one of the things God made clear to me that I haven't really fully processed was a lot of my anger over my sister being so mean to me really boiled down to the way it made clear that night, it felt like my dad was choosing my sister's heart over mine. You know, and I had never articulated it that way.

I'd never heard it that way. You know, okay. Why was her heart more important than mine? Right. And so there's more to go dig into.

And that's not one I have an answer to yet, but it's because of our conversation. And someone threw something out. I think Danny threw something out and it made me think about, and I'm like, Oh, wow. You know, God said, yeah, here's, here's another, here's another layer. Right. You'd think the onion would be all the way down to the bulb or whatever the bottom of the onion is the seed or whatever's there.

I don't know. But you know, I think it's just more onion, you know, and you just peel back and there's more and there's more and there's more. I got a pretty big onion. One of the things that came out of bootcamp this time was, you know, I would have told you my wound was being molested by an older cousin.

And what God showed me was, no, it was those times when I was vulnerable to a first grade class and got picked on and I began to sacrifice myself to change. And that kind of, you know, you put the shields up and, and walk away for a lot, lots of years. Yeah. And you talk about, you take your, your question to the altar of, uh, acceptance. Yeah. Right. You know, and I think that's a lot of what we do, but when God calls you to be vulnerable with somebody, you're not going to get that response. You're not going to get that. So walk with Him in the midst of it. Can't say that. I can't say it enough that you got to walk with Him in the midst of it. Cause if not, you may end up there, but He won't lead you astray. Go to masculinejourney.org, register for the bootcamp. This is the Truth Network.