God’s Plan in Singleness, Part 2

Today on Summit Life with J.D.

Greer. God never says all you need is me. When he looked at Adam in the garden he said it's not good that man should be alone. He didn't look at Adam in the garden and say hey just do your quiet time a little bit longer.

Right? You got me that's enough isn't it Adam? No, God created us with the need for companionship. It's just that marriage is not the only way that God takes care of that. Singleness is a gift.

That might not be how we're told by culture to view it or even what the church sometimes tells us about it but that's what God's word shows us. Today on Summit Life, Pastor J.D. Greer teaches us how to see singleness as a unique opportunity in ministry, relationships, and God's kingdom. Learn how to clear the path for singleness in your life so that you can leverage this gift and cultivate a spiritual family that will last forever.

If you've missed any of the series called Forever Family, you can catch up free of charge at jdgreer.com. Let's jump back in where we left off yesterday in the message titled God's Plan in Singleness. Jesus's answer very simply in heaven marriage and the nuclear family do not exist. According to Jesus in the Garden of Eden, marriage was God's plan A for dealing with our loneliness. God looked at man and said it's not good that man should be alone and his plan A to deal with that was to create the first marriage. Loneliness is the one ache that we have that does not come from sin. God created us in a perfect state to still desire human companionship. In heaven there will be no marriage or biological family and that is not to say that we will there in heaven have lost our need for companionship or to say that it's okay for us to be lonely up there. It's simply that God will deal with our loneliness in a new and better way. Marriage is no longer going to be his plan A for dealing with that loneliness and so that means whoever we are married to down here we're not going to be married to them up there.

In fact we won't be married at all. Now I will admit to you freely okay part of me finds that a little sad. Well in heaven when I see Veronica there's not going to be anything. Well there's no sadness of course in heaven and that's because in heaven you see our joys we know this are not diminished at all. Nobody's in heaven felt like they're missing out on anything.

Our joys in heaven are not diminished. Listen they're heightened. They're transformed. They're matured. C.S.

Lewis in his book Miracles had a great example for this. He said a toddler a toddler thinks that the single greatest pleasure in life is candy right. So imagine you're a grandmother trying to explain to your toddler granddaughter some of the things you most love about life.

Staring out at the beauty of the Grand Canyon reading a good book falling in love and getting married watching one of your kids graduate. And as you're trying to explain this to your toddler granddaughter she looks back at you and says yeah but but can you eat Skittles while you do those things. You've got a hard time explaining to her that these pleasures that you're describing are so much better than eating candy. So much so that when you're wrapped up in one of those pleasures you're not even going to think about Skittles.

C.S. Lewis said that we like that little child lack the ability to understand the joys of eternity. What we know now are the pleasures of earthly things like sex or married life or nuclear family. We do not know except in glimpses though he said the other thing which in heaven will leave simply no room for them. What that means is whatever God has for us there is going to be even better than what we have here. And that means that whatever it's like up there I will be even closer to my wife and closer to my kids as the family of God there than I am here which makes me less sad. The point is Jesus asserts the radical idea that marriage is not ultimate and that's proven by the fact that we don't take it with us in the resurrection. And that means that these relationships now that are so important mothers and brothers or wife or father they're only temporary.

The relationships you form in the body of Christ however those are permanent. I love how John Piper says that he says Jesus was here calling out a new family where single people in Christ or people not in traditional families are full-fledged family members on a par with all others bearing fruit for God and becoming mothers and fathers of the eternal kinds. Marriage is temporary and it will finally give way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along Christ and the church. It'll be put away the way a picture is no longer needed when you see somebody face to face.

When you're separated from somebody you love you pull out your picture you look at them I do it when I'm on a trip and I miss my kids I'll look and pull out a picture of them but when I'm with them I don't pull out pictures of them I look at them because they're standing right in front of me. You see marriage is a picture it's a picture of a more beautiful relationship Christ and the body of Christ and the relationships there and when you're finally in the face to face with a person you're not going to need a silly little picture like marriage any longer. Let's go on to Paul now in 1st Corinthians 7. Here's how Paul talks about it picks up on Christ teaching and he says the appointed time of Christ's return has grown very short won't be long before he's back from now on then let those who have wives live as though they had none you're like what in the world does that mean like let those people with wives live like they didn't have a wife that sounds like the mantra of people going to spend a weekend in Vegas but that is not what Paul is saying I can assure you okay. Here's what he says verse 30 for the present form of this world is passing away the world is passing away Paul says and that means along with it watch marriage and biological families because that's something for this world so for a married man to live as though he had no wife means that he must reflect on the fact that his marriage now is neither permanent nor ultimate and the flip side of that means that those of you who are single now should reflect on the fact that your situation is not permanent either both situations marriage and singleness are light and momentary and soon both of those situations will give way to what is permanent and ultimate the body of Christ marriage and singleness Paul says are temporary gifts that God gives to fulfill his purposes on earth in this age but not in the next one so Paul says 1st Corinthians 7 regarding marriage I wish that all were as I myself am but each has his own gift by the way what is Paul Paul single I wish everybody was single like me Paul says but each has his own gift charisma is the Greek word so we get the word charismatic from everybody has their own spiritual gift from God I wish all of you were like me Paul says wish you were single but not all of you were given that gift everyone has his own spiritual gift from God one of one kind singleness and one of another marriage we saw this last weekend and what Jesus taught both marriage and singleness are charisma they are spiritual gifts you need spiritual empowerment to do either marriage or singleness well you're like well okay I get how marriages could be a gift but because you know in marriage you get a companion you get somebody that to compliment you and not compliment you like tell you you're awesome but compliment you like complete you but how could singleness be a gift Paul explains in verse 33 he says you see the married man married man has to be anxious about worldly things like how to please his wife and as a result of that his interests are divided but as a single Paul says I've been freed up now to devote time to special assignments that I couldn't give myself to if I were married you guys have heard me talk enough here you know that I can regard my wife to be an incredible a wonderful gift to me and the best earthly gift that God has given me but when I got married my interest became divided they had to be God gave me now somebody to serve somebody to take care of he gave me through kids he gave me people whose needs I became responsible for I had new responsibilities with my money right I mean before I got married if I needed to move like from one apartment to the other all I needed was a Ford Mustang a few bungee cords one buddy in 15 minutes and we could move the whole the the the whole shebang now in order for me to move if our family was going to move it would take a full-size SUV just to haul the pillows that sit on top of my bed maybe like three trips with that it would take another whole SUV just to haul the toiletry products that Veronica has stocked in our bathroom I look around our bathroom and I wonder what does all this stuff do right but before I got married I had I think my I think my entire bathroom setup was one bar of soap like and I washed everything with my body my hair the floors I mean soap is soap right right so I started to start doing different things with my money and I couldn't live simply and just give it all away I had new responsibilities with my time I'm just not able to go on all the mission trips I want to go on anymore one of our singles here was telling me recently about the most amazing ministry that God has given to her recently hanging out with a group of Muslim refugees until 10 or 11 on multiple multiple nights of the week and she's like listen the the ministry really gets started around nine o'clock that's when they kind of open up and they let the guard down you can really start talking to them right and I just can't do that anymore I can't hang out at 11 o'clock you know around the the community I got to run people to soccer practice all evening I got to help do homework I got to help people get ready for bed so I'm guzzling five-hour energy drinks on the way home from the office because my day is really about to start when I get home one of my married friends said he said when you get married particularly when you have children whatever pockets of margin you had just disappear into black holes of obligation singleness can be a gift that allows you to be more devoted to God's kingdom and that might be a gift he gives you temporarily so that you can complete some assignment like your education or a military service or it might be something he gives you on a more permanent basis like or at least permanent in this life he gives it to you for a lifetime well if you're single you're sitting there and you say well yeah but I just I don't want to be alone didn't God himself say it's not good for us to be alone well see that's the point I keep trying to emphasize you're not supposed to be alone it's just that marriage is not the only way anymore not to be alone listen I told you this last weekend a lot of times I hear people say all you need is God all you need is God and that sounds so awesome and so spiritual and I've probably even set up from right here it's just problem is God never says that God never says all you need is me when he looked at Adam in the garden he said it's not good that man should be alone he didn't look at Adam in the garden and say hey just do your quiet time a little bit longer right you got me that's enough isn't it Adam no God created us with the need for companionship it's just that marriage is not the only way that God takes care of that look at Mark 10 Mark 10 truly truly I say to you there is nobody who's left house or brothers or sisters of mother or father children or lands for my sake and for the gospel's sake right so God in obeying him hasn't brought you that life partner who will not receive a hundredfold watch this now in this time as well as he says the time to come in this time means right now it means that the reward for that is not just in heaven it's also now so what does he mean that you'll see a hundredfold he's talking about the church that's what he's talking about he's saying right now in my forever family I will actually multiply the relationships that are ultimate listen in the book of acts you read it through the early church faced a lot of hardship didn't they persecution and famine and poverty they went through the wringer on just about everything the one thing you never find anybody in acts struggling with is loneliness and all the stuff they went through that church was a family to them and nothing they went through did they go through alone if you're single you say yeah but if God assigns me to that then I really want to have kids though jesus would say spiritual offspring are more important and more eternal than biological offspring if you're single that means you need to get involved in the discipleship ministries of the church because spiritual offspring are going to be more important than biological offspring ever are listen I just want to say I don't want to try to be hyper spiritual here it's okay for you to mourn the lack of ability to have biological kids I understand that's a real loss but by grace even that genuine grief can be overshadowed by the real joy of having eternal spiritual children we got a letter recently from one of our single missionaries who just came off the field where she has served for six years she wrote this and I just thought it was fantastic she says for the first few years on the field she said when I realized that at least for the next several years I was going to be single I grieved the loss of being able to have biological children I grieved it but God used that by grace and through tears to make me the proudest and most joy-filled spiritual mom on the planet the day that I saw my spiritual son baptized in the unreached corners of east asia honestly I don't know what it's like to hold my baby for the first time in my arms after his being born I would imagine it feels like your heart's about to burst with joy I'd imagine that because that's exactly how I felt as this young man came up from the baptismal waters reborn as a child of God it was a beautiful moment for me this doctrine of spiritual eternal children has by far been the most inspiring joy-giving biblical doctrine maybe of my whole life and another perk I only had to wait six months for a spiritual grandbaby so there's that Jesus was a eunuch so to speak who never had biological children yet God gave him spiritual children all over the world that he rejoices in and glories in and many of them sit right here in this room the only part of your life that will be unfulfilled if you are single is sexual and again that's a legitimate loss and I do not want to minimize that but God says he will give you a special charisma charisma a spiritual empowerment for that listen you don't have to turn to porn to make up that loss in fact I beg you with all of my heart to avoid that that is a black hole of decay that it is really hard to come back from once you've gone down it we'll get more into this more later in our series but you got to look to God for the enablement to live holy it's a charisma tie comes from him and he can give it to you God can enable you to live a happy and fulfilled life without sex you should remember the most joy-filled love-filled man ever who walked the face of the earth lived without sex but the other things that marriage supplies for you companionship and offspring God gives you those now in ultimate form in eternal form form through the church my point is if God calls you to singleness whether that is for a season or whether that is for your whole life he will supply you with all the necessary graces to live a happy and fulfilled life in that calling which brings us now back to Matthew 19 we'll pull the bus right back on the station where we left Jesus ends his little teaching on singleness with this phrase let the one who is able to receive it let them receive it the Greek word for received there is the word Correo and it means literally to make room for to clear a path for if this is what God has called you to whether it's temporary or it's going to be for the rest of your life clear a path for that calling well what does that look like I'll give you four quick little suggestions here four quick big applications number one to make room for it would be first of all to devote yourself to God you're going to need God's grace to make it as a single person just like you're going to need his grace to make it as a married person so whatever state you're in you need to look to God first because what you will find is that horizontal dysfunction always goes back to vertical disruption when this right here has broken these relationships whether they're single or family are going to become problematic and a lot of times we're looking to fix the wrong problem we're like the problem is here problem is I'm single and I want to be married the problem is my spouse is a jerk problem isn't my kids are not honoring and respecting me the right way the problem is my friends aren't taking care of me and they don't treat me like a special enough person and that's never the problem all that dissatisfaction all that jealousy all that worry all that kind of all that stuff it goes back to a vertical disruption where you're not how you don't have God in the right place so you need to seek first the kingdom of God just like he tells you you focus on that relationship and let him add to you whatever blessing he wants to add to at the time that he has okay so you need to focus on God's first some of you may not like your singleness I understand that but I can promise you God means it for good in your life he means it for good he is going to produce in that singleness a love for Christ in you and he's going to produce a Christ likeness in you number two the way you can make a way forward is you can leverage your singleness for all it is worth I plead with you who are single don't waste your singleness don't waste it by trying to get to the next stage faster than God has it for you it for you I read I read that the average young adult male spends 10,000 hours of his life playing video games 10,000 hours right here about singles who spend all their time hanging out or goofing off or traveling understand that's not why God gave you that gift right now was for you to focus on you a decade of just me time and just focusing on on living a selfish life God gave you that chapter to leverage for the kingdom and we desperately need a generation of singles in this church who will rise up with the compassion of Jesus in their hearts who will put the video games away and use the advantages that were afforded by their singleness to open up their hands and their hearts to the needs of the world and to invest in God's eternal family now to make disciples for eternity you might not know when you're going to get married you might not know if you're going to get married but I promise you if you use that chapter to invest in God's forever family that is a decision that will have eternal ramifications and one you will never forget so stop worrying about things you can't control and start focusing on the things that God has given you to do now that actually matter more than the thing that you're looking for listen I this generation that's you know the majority singles would be in I realize that boomers can understand this even as gen extras can barely understand it but you're a generation that is characterized by a little four-letter acronym FOMO right you know what it stands for fear of missing out I'm going to suggest you change that right on your Facebook page to just one letter it's one letter change it s f o foso not like fo sho but like fo so fear of squandering opportunity is how I would suggest you change that you go from being a FOMO person to a fo so person because God has given you a chapter of opportunity and it's going to be some of the best things he does in you and he's going to huge you in ways that have eternal ramification whether it's for a season or your life don't miss it so I declare you fo so in Jesus name okay there I said it number three lean into your forever family hey friend you need the church and the church needs you you need to get involved you need to get to know people personally here not just other singles by the way you need to get involved in people's families invest in their children we have single people in this church who act as spiritual big brothers and sisters or even parents to those children in the church who've been deprived of fathers or mothers or families and we need many more because that's what the church is it's forever family I'll just say on a personal level it's been a huge blessing in our family singles that have gotten engaged with our family and played mentor and big brother and big sister roles to our kids get involved in our student ministry that's a great way to apply this because I can tell you you need that community Rebecca McLaughlin who is for a year many years single she's one of my new favorite authors she says you won't wither without sex but you will wither without friend and family connection so lean into the church by the way let me just say to the church we got a responsibility in this too and that is to intentionally include the singles of the church in our families first we need to start seeing singles as the treasures Paul saw them as don't treat them like a project that you need to fix but you should be aware that their particular calling like any calling has its own special challenges and you need to recognize your challenges and invite them into your family to join you in key moments not just to come over and babysit your kids or to help you move all right and all this God single said amen okay that's not the only that's not the only thing the role that they have in your life invite them into key moments we have single friends or the Greer family has single friends from this church that have gone on vacation with us some have done thanksgiving with us in fact one of them last Christmas spent Christmas Eve spent the night at her house and woke up and opened presents with us on Christmas morning invite them to be a part of that forever family lastly number four if you want to get married and you believe it's what God has for you use this time to build your identity in Jesus use this chapter right now instead of being on the prowl all the time use it to become the person that you're supposed to be instead of obsessing about finding who is right for you focus on becoming the right person that you should be become the person that the person you were looking for is looking for stop complaining to the person you're looking for and out there and you become the person that the person that you're looking for is looking for is looking for because that's another way of Matthew 6 33 focusing on putting the kingdom of God first and then letting trusting God to supply that when he wants it don't wait on a future spouse to give you an identity don't wait on a future spouse to determine your values or where you're going or what you're called to determine all that now figure out that identity in Christ and where it's going today whether you're single or married lean into your church community we all need each other God's plan and singleness has been our subject today from pastor J.D. Greer if you missed any part of this message or if you'd like to catch up on the rest of our series about family you can listen free of charge at jdgreer.com now J.D. we've spent quite a bit of time over the past few weeks talking about the importance of memorizing parts of the Bible I know I want to be able to recall scripture easily but I'm often a little rusty on some of the memory verses that I learned as a kid well that's one of the reasons we're offering these verse cards this month it's a very practical way I mean sometimes we have big dreams especially around the turn of the year we're like I'm going to memorize scripture I memorize a whole book of the Bible but you just like the tools to do it these Summit Life memory verse cards make it easy for you to memorize scripture they're actually very attractive they're very well designed they have a little magnet so that you can put them on your refrigerator switch them out look at it I remember one of the first big passages of scripture I memorized was John 1 and I memorized it while I was working on a dock loading a food lion distribution you're taking food out to the different stores and so I put John 1 up on the edge of the dock so that every time I drove by which is probably 40 times an hour taking this little forklift back and forth I would see the next verse in John 1 and I would say it and it wasn't more than a week or two until I had essentially the whole chapter memorized these are 50 verses that have been very impacting in my own life that we think will be a blessing to yours also we would love to get you this tool if you go to jdgreer.com we can we can start that conversation thanks JD we're offering this resource to help you remember scripture this year because one of our priorities is to bring you resources and teaching that will help you grow deeper in your walk with God every day the all things new memory verse cards and matching magnet come with our thanks for your generous financial gift of 25 or more call right now to make your donation and request the cards and magnet the number is 866-335-5220 that's 866-335-5220 or go online and request them when you visit us at jdgreer.com I'm Molly Vitovich next week we'll continue our study of what Jesus taught about romance marriage singleness and family so be sure to come back Monday and listen to Summit Life with J.D. Greer today's program was produced and sponsored by J.D. Greer Ministries