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Your Family: Root, Stem, And Branches Part 1

Running to Win / Erwin Lutzer
The Truth Network Radio
October 13, 2021 1:00 am

Your Family: Root, Stem, And Branches Part 1

Running to Win / Erwin Lutzer

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October 13, 2021 1:00 am

How have you experienced the effects of a father’s influence—for good or bad? Israel’s King David was a great leader, a “man after God’s own heart.” But he was a lousy father. The Bible provides an honest portrayal of David, including the great damage he caused by his failure as a dad.  

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One reason for us to Jesus phone number for Israel's King David was a great leader noted military commander man after God's own heart and a lousy father today.

The Bible's honest portrayal of David and the great damage done by his failure as a dad for lessons on what not to do as a parent stay with us from the Moody Church in Chicago. This is with Dr. Irwin sir whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line. Master looks or tell us about your family, root, stem and branch will date this is a very important message and isn't it interesting the way in which you portray David. We all love the Psalms. We all love the fact that he loved God, but you're absolutely right. He failed as a father but you know the interesting thing is, and the point of hope here is this God sometimes chooses to use a crooked stick to make a straight line even in the midst of failure. There is grace and that's why I think that this message is so critical for people to hear because, as they think about their own family and its shortcomings.

God is there to help them and by the way, thank you to the many of you who support the ministry of running to win. Would you consider becoming an endurance partner that someone who stands with us regularly with their prayers and their gifts. Of course you need more info.

Here's what you can do.

Go to RTW RTW when you're there, click on the endurance partner button or call us at 1-888-218-9337 and of course at the end of this message, I'll be giving you the same information again. For now, let us listen when you join the place as we pray one more time.

Father, we ask that in the midst of the brokenness of this world we might look to you the one who is able to fix what's gone wrong some of your people have come here today with very heavy hearts for different reasons.

Would you lift these burdens.

Would you give us insight regarding family relationships that will be transforming for many, our needs are great Lord, our expectation comes from you and you alone. In Jesus name, amen, amen. When you are born, you are actually born into a family with a system you are born into a network father, usually a mother most certainly is in the home and and brothers and sisters, and how you relate to this network determines to a large extent how you eventually will live your life you have a certain amount of inevitabilities certain cause-and-effect relationships that happen within families, but at the same time, there is individuality and individual expression and individual choice so that you can break out of the family system. Now you may be born into a harmonious relationship. You may be born into a dysfunctional one but in each case there are these internal relationships that are very critical, as you know, this is another series on the family reclaiming the family and my message. I am titled today is your family root stem and branch and were going to be looking at a dysfunctional family found in the Bible is not the only dysfunctional family in the Bible as a matter fact there are many of them the what's so surprising about this one is that it's a family that you would not expect to be so out of control. The family is that of David.

We know David is this sweet Psalm is the one who through his poetry has blessed millions and continues to bless us in the song, but I need to emphasize that even though David had it together in his relationship with God.

He could never possibly have it together in his relationship with his family. He failed miserably as a father now. The first part of this message is going to be very discouraging because I'm going to tell you this story of David's dysfunctional family. It covers several chapters of the Bible and that's why I will simply summarize it for you and as we go through. You may say what a bad example and he is but at the end what were going to do is to learn five principles that are very necessary to move from a dysfunctional family to a healthy one and what to do if if you can't move it at all what to do if it just will not ask. That's the agenda because I think it's possible for us to learn from a positive example. But it's also possible for us to learn from a -1.

The story is in second Samuel second Samuel chapter 13 if you had your Bibles.

We will be looking at a few verses from that passage. Remember that David had committed two sins. One was adultery with Bathsheba and the other sin was murder to covered up. The prophet Nathan came to David and said to him, the sword will never depart from your house. There's going to be trouble in your family and the sins that you committed are going to be multiplied in the lives of your family. David you set in motion a certain number of dominoes and you're going to have to live with the fact that those dominoes are going to have terrible consequences.

Now there is a sense of inevitability that is been set up, because God said that but looked at in another way how different it might have been if David after he committed no sin had gone to his family had beg the forgiveness of his wives and of his children, and if he would've said to them, don't do what your dad did look at the consequences and warned them through his own brokenness and humility in crying up to God for the need for them to take a different path. It might have turned out very different, but it's clear that David did not do that. He did what many fathers do that is become a passive father. He became very, very passive and that passive fathers have certain characteristics and David had all of them to an extreme degree. First of all a passive fathers have anger often times without action. They become angry but they do nothing, let me tell you the story of second Samuel chapter 13 David had a number of different wives that was tolerated in the Old Testament, though not strictly approved by God and that he had his oldest son, whose name was Amnon.

Keep that name in mind Amnon the oldest boy but David also had two children, a brother and a sister Absalom and tame are both of whom were dropped dead good looking.

In fact, if I had time to read the text later on when it discusses Absalom in his rebellion there several verses of Scripture devoted just to the way in which he looked. He oozed charisma and his sister tame. Marv was beautiful to Amnon, the oldest son wanted to become intimate with his half-sister tame are.

She said no. So I set up a series of circumstances in which he raped her.

So you have a son raping his half-sister. What do we expect at that point we expect David to get involved in to say wait a moment.

Now let us make sure that Amnon gets appropriately punished and then he should come along and and put his arm around poor tame are and and help her in her need and in her shame. What does David do. The Bible says in chapter 13 it says in verse 21 when King David heard of all these things. He was very angry and we could add. He did absolutely nothing. Now, he may have thought to himself, like committed two sins to immorality and murder my to get involved in my children's dispute.

Our heart should bleed today for tame are the Scripture says in verse 15 when Amnon had raped her. He after that he hated her with a very great hatred so that they hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he loved her. That is a commentary on the nature of sexual bonding if there ever was one. Verse 19 and tame are put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore and she laid her hands in her head and went away cry aloud as she went.

Later it says so tame are lived a desolate woman in her brother Absalom's house. She lived as a widow despised and filled with shame all because of this terrible terrible evil good of change that they'd gone to tame are and sit tamer. I'm going to be with you through this, the God was forgiven me for my sin is a God who is able to heal you of the evil and the injustice that was done against you, and even though society considers you to be an outcast. I'm your dad and I'm going to stand with you, but he didn't. But what happens in dysfunctional families. When the father is passive.

The kids begin to take responsibility for what's happening so Absalom who is a full brother to tame our says I'll take care of it, and two years later, Absalom sets up a series of events whereby Amnon who raped his sister is murdered will now you think for sure for sure that David is going to get involved, but he doesn't. The Bible says in verse 31 after this happened, the king arose, tore his garments lay on the earth and all his servants who were standing by tore their garments big deal, but he doesn't do anything he allows it to happen. He had committed murder. So he thinks to himself, maybe I can't do anything here and he lets it pass.

Now you may civil pastor that you're being a little hard on David here.

Are you sure that he was that passive and the answer is yes, I am not sure because the Bible says something very interesting in first Kings chapter 1 verse six.

He had another son who was totally out of control. Trying to take over the kingdom and it says in chapter 1 verse six that David never displeased him. David never crossed him or even asked him why are you doing this wonderful relationship with God that David had out of touch emotionally and in every other way with his very dysfunctional family anger but no action. Secondly, I David does something else. He accepts reconciliation without forgiveness, reconciliation without forgiveness. Absalom runs away and stays away for three years and that he wants to come back and he comes back to Jerusalem, and David has him under house arrest for about two years, but Absalom wants to see his dad's dad won't see him.

David doesn't know what to do and so what Absalom does as he begins the fire to get some attention.

That's what kids sometimes have to do in the dysfunctional home they have to do something just to get the attention of dad or mom. So begins a fire so dad has to talk to him and so's dad speaks to him and says okay. After two years you been it's been five years now since the murder you can come back. This story is told in chapter 14 and the chapter ends.

You'll notice there. It says so Absalom came to the king and bowed himself on his face to the ground before the king and the king kissed Absalom a moment. Absalom you you murdered. You murdered your half-brother, don't you think that at the very least, he should be asked whether he was sorry and beg the forgiveness of his dad, but forgiveness was neither asked for nor was it received and so David you say reconciles without forgiveness. He does not deal with the issue. That's the way it is in most dysfunctional families no matter who's out of control no matter what happens. There is never a resolution.

There is never communication that says let sit down and talk about this and let us ask for forgiveness and let us make sure that there is reconciliation because you see if you have some family member who's out of control doing evil things and it's never reconciled the family just has to hush up paper it over. Pretend that it hasn't happened and then go on pretending to be reconciled when in point of fact, the issues that are unresolved are deep, damaging and sometimes very evil miscue question, Absalom is able to be back in the good graces of his dad without even having to say I'm sorry for murder.

You think Absalom says to himself. Oh, you know, I just really love my dad because he so gracious and merciful and so forgiving without even demanding anything of me yelling. He said that no know he hates he hates his dad in the next message in this series I'm going to emphasize that parents who do not discipline their children and with those children waiting their parents proper discipline and the kids will love you. So what happens to this young man who's been able to get by with his evil. He begins to plot against his dad. He gets a chair near the gate of the town sets himself up as a judge begins to to steal the hearts of the people Absalom would say things like this to the people. Now you know my dad had a wonderful career.

But don't you think he's doing this wrong thing.

I hadn't thought of it but you know you really do have a point, and he begins to stir up opposition to his dad until it results in Civil War, Absalom commits immorality publicly to show how he disdains his father and in the midst of the Civil War.

David has to leave Jerusalem.

Eventually, Absalom is killed in the process, but David has been humiliated because he had a son out of control and did nothing.

Nothing about it.

So you have reconciliation without forgiveness. You have sentimentality without strength after Absalom dies. David becomes very, very filled with grief. You know down deep inside I'm sure David really did love Absalom. In fact, I know he loved Absalom if you read it you member the king said, oh, Absalom, my son, my son what to God I had die for the said but you know there are fathers who love their children who just don't know how to express that they don't know how to do discipline. They don't know how to do reconciliation issues that was David. While that's a very discouraging story is not but you know there are lessons that we can learn from this family that was handled and managed soul badly. What are those lessons I speak to those of you today who are in families that are out of control single-parent families families where there is no love. Where there is no concern. How can we help you. How can we, how can we manage to to give you instruction and hope and advice. So I take these lessons from both story of David adding my own. Hopefully common sense so that we can help families first lesson is this, that a family is an interrelated system.

It is an interrelated system, everything that David did impacted his children everything David did not do also impacted his children. The passive father has awesome power over his children even when he does nothing when the family system needs and that he isn't there emotionally or physically. So David was connected to his family. He was ineffective route. The route to and from, that these branches grew, the various mothers who were involved they were next in line to do something that would be helpful. They perhaps didn't know what to do and you can imagine the jealousy between the wives. This was a this was a real real difficult situation.

Obviously, those who struggle with alcoholism and receive help and the helpers who help the people have learned that oftentimes you can't just deal with one family member without dealing with all of the others that are also involved. That's why now they have family counseling, not just individual counseling.

Your family is something like a violin. If one string is out of control, especially if it is a very important string may be the lead string may be violins have a lead string all of the other strings will get in harmony with it. And if the first string is out of harmony all of the others will adjust and all become out of harmony.

That's what you have to deal with the whole family system.

In fact, it is been shown that even if one parent ends up being mentally ill and having a great influence over the other members of the family. Oftentimes the children actually adjust their view of reality in accordance with their parent because somehow they have to make sense out of all this and everybody begins to play a different kind of role to fit in with what is happening in the family leadership. When a child is on drugs. The question we always have to ask is, what about the rest of the family. If a woman comes to me and says you know my child is out of control. He sent alcoholism or drugs are immorality.

I don't ever begin by asking questions about the sun.

The first question I always ask is tell me about your relationship with your husband and if the husband comes I asked about his relationship with his wife, family is assessed and it has to be treated that way as a network and if there's no father in the home, then you have to look into that and the violin they be totally out of tune. They have to ask the question, how do you fit in the big picture. Second lesson time itself does not heal family wounds, time itself does not heal family wounds. It would've been easy for David to say, well, Absalom's been gone five years. Surely I can just kind of forget about what happened five years ago.

Time heals.

None of those loans whether it's five years 10 years 15 years. Unresolved matters continue to have consequences not only in one generation, but also in another generation. They just boomerang and everyone is affected and it just lies there unresolved on dealt with and time heals nothing if somebody mistreated you think of tame are, how long would it take Kmart to forget what Amnon had done. She lives with it until her dying day.

I've been to funerals where there are family splits family disagreements have ever been there when you can just feel the tension when one group of family members want to come to the wake at a different time than the other, hoping that they won't meet because now they have to somehow be connected in some way, but nobody wants to deal with all the underlying issues that may be 10 years old 20 years old or 50 years old because time really heals nothing will. My friend, this is Pastor Luther I don't know where you are adding your family relationships. Perhaps there are all kinds of issues that have never been dealt with and maybe wisdom would dictate that you don't need to deal with all these issues because they may have become impossible. As the years have gone by, but I want to give you hope want to encourage you. I have in my hand a letter from someone actually her name is Barbara. She says about 10 years ago my husband backslid, and every day after church I would come home and turn on Pastor Luther. It is through your ministry that he came back to the Lord and I'm so thankful for you and to God to be the glory and I want to emphasize to God be the glory, let me ask you something, would you consider helping us regularly with your prayers and your gifts.

People who do that we call them endurance partners to become an endurance partner to learn more info about becoming one. Here's what you can do. Go to RTW Of course, RTW offers all one word RTW when you're there, click on the endurance partner button or if you prefer you can call us at 1-888-218-9337 if you were to help us it would be a great encouragement as we continued to get the gospel of Jesus Christ. Thousands upon thousands around the world.

You can write to run into when 1635 N. LaSalle Boulevard Chicago, IL 60614 running to win comes to you from the Moody Church in Chicago next time I'm running to win dealing with bitterness before bitterness poisons you from head to toe. Went to join us for Dr. Erwin certain this is Dave McAllister running to win is sponsored by the Moody Church

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