Dealing with Loneliness

Are you dealing with loneliness?

Listen to Adrian Rogers. Now if you don't have somebody to love, somebody to share intimately with, if you don't have somebody who understands, who cares, if you don't have somebody who needs you, really needs you, really wants you, I don't care how many people are around you, and I don't care how much money you have, I don't care what position you occupy, you sir, you madam, are lonely. Welcome to Love Worth Finding, featuring the real truth of the gospel that never changes, presented in the messages of Adrian Rogers. Now more than ever, we see that loneliness is so devastating to our human existence. We all have it in us, and we can't stop it. Loneliness is not solitude, nor is it being lonesome or being in isolation.

It is insulation. It's being cut off and feeling that way, unnoticed, unloved, uncared for, unneeded, and maybe even unnecessary. God understands this about us, and his Word offers promises when we experience seasons of loneliness. If you have your Bible, turn to Psalm chapter 102, we'll begin in verse 6, as Adrian Rogers gives instruction on dealing with loneliness.

Psalm 102 verses 6 and 7, and as I read these verses, I want you to pretend that you're a counselor, a psychologist, and I want you to tell me what the problem is and what the person is feeling who wrote these words. I am like a pelican in the wilderness. I'm like an owl of the desert. I watch and am as a sparrow alone on the housetop.

What's his problem? Loneliness. Loneliness, like a pelican in the wilderness, an owl in the desert, a sparrow alone on the rooftop. Can you imagine how insignificant a sparrow would feel if a sparrow could think and didn't know that what we know, that God feeds the sparrows and not a sparrow falls, but what he knows about it? So small, so unnoticed, an owl alone in the desert, but who gives a hoot? A sparrow on the rooftop, but who knows? Who cares? Insignificant little bird.

Nobody even can see him, all alone. I want to talk to you today about dealing with loneliness. We're in a series of handling our emotions before our emotions handle us. And I want to say first of all, listen to me, that loneliness is a common fact. Dr. Paul Tournier, the noted Swiss psychiatrist said this, that loneliness is the most devastating malady of this age.

That's a pretty firm statement. The most devastating malady of this age. And the great Playwright, Thomas Wolfe said, don't think of loneliness as some curious abstraction. Don't think of loneliness as some rare phenomenon. Thomas Wolfe said that loneliness, listen to it, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence. That is, we all have it and it's coming and we can't stop it.

Central and inevitable. And don't think it's just a little widow alone in her cottage or in her apartment who's lonely. The rich and the famous are lonely.

I was reading of a former United States President and he talked about the loneliness of the presidency. Janis Joplin, she's a rock star back in the 70s. Janis Joplin had the world at her feet so far as entertainment is concerned. But Janis Joplin in a Los Angeles apartment went in there and with a needle injected heroin into her arm until she'd taken such a dose of heroin that it took her life. They found her there with those tracks there upon her arm. Just before she'd done that, she said to a friend, after I come off the stage, she said, all I do is sit around and watch television and I am so very lonely, so very lonely.

H.G. Wells, a man with a fantastic mind, perhaps one of the greatest intellects of this century, the noted historian when he was 65 said this, I am very lonely, lonely. You see it is, as Thomas Wolfe said, the central and inevitable malady of this age. What is loneliness anyway?

Let me tell you what it is not. Loneliness is not isolation. Loneliness is not solitude. Solitude is good. We need some solitude.

We need to get alone. You can be alone without being lonely. And if you're one of these people who can't bear to be alone, you've got a problem. Jesus would often withdraw himself to the wilderness and get alone. You know the people who don't like to be alone?

Those people who don't like to look God in the face and they don't like to look themselves in the face. Loneliness is not solitude. You can be alone without being lonely. Say something else about loneliness, dear friend. There's a difference between being lonely and being lonesome. Sure, you can get lonesome when you're away. There's the lonesomeness, those who travel, traveling salesmen, truck drivers and so forth on the highway and so forth.

We're separated from loved ones temporarily. But that is not the state of loneliness. That's just being lonesome.

And there is a difference. Now let me tell you something else, dear friend, that you can be lonely in a crowd. As a matter of fact, the bigger the crowd so many times, the more lonely we are. Loneliness is not isolation.

It is insulation. It is feeling cut off. It is feeling unnoticed, unloved, uncared for, unneeded, maybe even unnecessary. That's loneliness. Let me tell you, everyone has three basic psychological and spiritual needs.

Let me tell you what they are. Number one, everybody needs someone to love and to share intimately with. Number two, as a result of that, they need someone who can understand them, to know how they feel, somebody who says, yes, I understand, I care.

Number three, everybody needs to be needed and wanted. Now if you don't have somebody to love, somebody to share intimately with, if you don't have somebody who understands, who cares, if you don't have somebody who needs you, really needs you, really wants you, I don't care how many people are around you, and I don't care how much money you have, I don't care what position you occupy, you sir, you madam, are lonely. What are the causes of this loneliness?

Why is it such a common fact? I'll tell you several of the causes. One of the causes is this feeling of rejection that so many people have. So many people have tried to have friends and they've been rejected. They have been burned perhaps in a love relationship. Perhaps they've been spurned, they've been ignored and they've been put down and their emotions are burned out. They have a deep inner wound and it hasn't healed and they don't have what it takes to try it again.

They're just not going to do it. They're not going to expose themselves to more hurt. And then there are people very closely akin to this but not exactly the same, not people necessarily who have been rejected, but there are people who just have a basic sense of insecurity. They don't have any sense of self-worth. They don't really see themselves as worthy of being accepted. They don't see themselves as worthy of having a friend. They have never ever really accepted themselves and therefore they really don't believe that anybody else can accept them. And so rather than building bridges subconsciously, they build walls and they close themselves in.

I'm going to tell you a third reason that some people are lonely and it's of no fault of their own really, but because they've gone through deep sorrow, deep tragedy, deep loss, they lose a sense of perspective. They feel like nobody really, really cares. Nobody really understands. And nothing really makes sense to them. Job said in the seventh chapter of Job, let me alone. Leave me alone for all my days are vanity.

Nothing really makes sense. As a matter of fact, just turn left to the book of Job. Let me show you a few verses here. You talk about a lonely man, Job 19 verse 13. He hath put my brethren far from me and mine acquaintance are verily estranged from me.

My kinsfolk have failed. My familiar friends have forgotten me. They that dwell in my house and my maids count me for a stranger. I am an alien in their sight.

I call my servant and he gave me no answer. I entreated him with my mouth. My breath is strange to my wife. Even my wife thinks I've got bad breath. That's really what he says.

That's really what it means. My breath is repulsive to my wife. And then he goes to say, I entreated for the children's sake of mine own body. Yea, young children despise me. I arose and they spake against me. All my inward friends abhorred me. And they whom I loved are turned against me.

That's sad, isn't it? I believe old Job had gotten things out of perspective. And Job, because he had gone through such sorrow, such grieving, he had turned inward. And his sorrow had built a wall and a prison of icicles round about him. And some of you are grieving the loss of a loved one right now.

Or some deep sorrow. And because of that, there's a loneliness there. I'll tell you another reason for loneliness. And that's selfishness. Selfishness. Now, sorrow, you can't control the sorrow.

That comes. But selfishness, perhaps you can. You see there are a lot of people who just are lonely because of their own fault. They are just self-centered. They're wrapped up in their lives. Somebody said, there's no life so empty as a self-centered life. And there's no life so centered as a self-emptied life.

And people are living now not in a prison of icicles, they're living in a prison of plexiglass made of pride and self-sufficiency. And they turn themselves inward. And it's a form of sin. And sin always separates and sin always isolates, brings death to relationships. That's one reason some folks are lonely. You know, in a real sense, loneliness is just built into this area, this age, this day in which we live. Everything is so depersonalized. You go into a store and buy something.

You stand there before the clerk and you take out the credit card and you put it down and she'll take the credit card and run it through that machine and come back and fill it out and you'll sign it. And neither one of you ever looked the other person in the eye. You are a piece of plastic, a number. We're so depersonalized and we live so in fear. It's just a part of this age in which we live.

Everybody has been so depersonalized. Thank God for Jesus. He gives us a name rather than a number. Amen? But I want to tell you, dear friend, that Jesus knows His sheep. He calls them.

He gives them a name. But we live in an age of depersonalization. All of these and many other reasons that I've not mentioned are things that make this thing called loneliness a common fact. I want to say something else about loneliness.

Not only is loneliness a common fact, but loneliness is a crippling force. They did a survey of some people who had heart attacks. And they found out that these people had heart attacks, 50 percent of them testified that they were feeling depressed and lonely when they had their heart attack. Of course that's not to say all people who have heart attacks have heart attacks because they're lonely. That's not to say either that loneliness is the only cause of heart attacks.

But it's still, that's something to think about. And some psychiatrists tested those who came to them, and the psychiatrist said that 80 percent of those who sought psychiatric help came primarily because of loneliness. And anybody who's dealt with those who are suicidal knows that so often it is that deep, deep loneliness. Nobody knows, nobody cares, nobody understands.

Whether the person knows and cares and understands or not is not the point to them. Nobody knows, nobody cares, nobody understands. Do you know why a lot of people are alcoholics? Loneliness. Do you know why a lot of people overeat? Loneliness.

Do you know why a lot of people can't eat? Loneliness. Do you know why a lot of people can't sleep? Loneliness. Do you know why a lot of people oversleep? Loneliness. Do Do you know why people cannot concentrate? Loneliness. They are like a pelican in the wilderness, like an owl in the desert, like a sparrow on the rooftop. Well did God say it is not good that man should be alone.

It is a destructive force. But I want to get to the good part. Loneliness may be a defeated foe. Let me tell you why. Let me tell you what the answer to loneliness is.

No, I take that back. Let me tell you who the answer to loneliness is. Jesus alone is the answer to loneliness.

And I'll tell you why. In the first place, Jesus understands your loneliness. He knows what it is to be lonely. Was Jesus lonely? You read Isaiah chapter 53 verse 3.

He is despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows. Read John 1 verse 11. He came unto his own and his own received him not.

He lived a life of loneliness. When he died upon the cross, he was suspended between heaven and earth. And because he had taken the sin of the world upon himself, even God his Father in his holy righteousness could not look upon him because the Bible says of God the Father, he is of purer eyes than to behold iniquity.

And the rabble in the crowd taunted him. His disciples forsook him. And Jesus died alone.

My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? When David died, David could say, Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. But I want to tell you that Jesus walked that lonesome valley all by himself. He died alone. Nobody ever really understood the heart of Jesus. Even when he was facing the cross, he could not make his disciples understand. He was like a sparrow on the rooftop, alone.

Alone he suffered. Now, what does that mean to me? What does that mean to you? I'll tell you one thing it means, dear friend, he knows how you feel.

Jesus was loner. You see, listen, friend. He knows how you feel. But I'll tell you something else. He alone meets those needs that you have.

Do you remember what we said? You had three basic needs. First of all, you need someone to love and to share intimately with. That's Jesus. You say, but I need somebody real.

That's your problem right there, folks. He is real. Well, I need somebody here now.

He is here now. He said, I will never leave you nor forsake you. You see, Jesus said henceforth, I don't call you servants. I call you friends. What a friend we have in Jesus. He's with me. Jesus is real. I go for a drive with Jesus. I go for a walk with Jesus. I talk with Jesus. I have a friend, someone that I can love, and I love Jesus, and he loves me, and I can share anything with him.

I'll tell you something else. We all need somebody who understands us, and friend, he does. He knows what I feel.

He is touched. He knows my down-sitting. He knows my up-rising. He knows my going out. He knows my coming in.

The very hairs of my head are numbered. He knows. He cares. He understands I'm to cast all of my care upon him, for he cares for me.

I'll tell you something else, friend. He needs me. Me? Yes, I'm his body. I'm his hands, his eyes, his mouth. Remember Zacchaeus, the little guy who was the tax collector? Lonely, despised, rejected, shut off by himself, but he heard of Jesus, and some strange stirrings went on in his heart, and he ran ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree, thought maybe just catch a glimpse of Jesus Christ, and Jesus came along and looked up in that sycamore tree and said, Zacchaeus called him right by his name.

And you know what I think he must have thought? He knows me. He knows me.

He called me by my name. But then Jesus said, Zacchaeus, come down. Zacchaeus said, he wants me. He wants me.

Me. And then he said, Zacchaeus, I must abide at your house. He needs me. Friend, I want to tell you, every one of you sitting out there, he knows you, he wants you, he needs you.

You got it? He knows you. He knows you right now.

He knows your name. You are precious to him. He would have died for you had there been not one more soul on planet earth.

He would have died for you alone. He knows the very hairs of your head. He wants you. He needs you.

Through Jesus Christ, you have significance. And I'll tell you something else, dear friend, not only does he understand how you feel, not only does he meet your need for a friend, but I'll tell you something else, he's always there. He's a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. You may be alone, but never alone.

Romans chapter 8, verses 38 and 39, the apostle Paul said, For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor height, nor death, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. He is always there. And friend, if no one else understands, he does. And if everybody else fails you, he will not. And when you get to the bottom line, Jesus alone is the answer to loneliness.

Jesus alone is the answer to loneliness. Maybe today you have questions about placing your faith fully in Jesus Christ. We have an insightful resource on our website. It's our Find God's Love page. There you'll find answers you may need about your faith. We have a response section, you can share how this message or others have made a difference in your life. Go there now, lwf.org slash radio, and click the tab that says Find God's Love.

Again, lwf.org slash radio. We can't wait to hear from you today. Now, if you'd like to order a copy of today's message in its entirety, you can call us at 1-877-LOVEGOD and mention the title Dealing with Loneliness. This message is also part of the insightful series, Getting a Handle on Your Emotions. For that complete collection, all eight powerful messages, call 877-LOVEGOD, or go online to order at lwf.org slash radio.

Or you can write us at Love Worth Finding, Box 38600, Memphis, Tennessee 38183. If you're dealing with loneliness, understand it's a common fact that it can be crippling to your life, but more than that, remember Jesus alone is the answer. We hope you'll join us next time for more timeless truth from Adrian Rogers right here on Love Worth Finding. Adrian Rogers said, if you woke up this morning and you're still here, God still has a plan for your life. I love that, and I love how dedicated Pastor Rogers was about discipling and equipping believers for their Christian life. That's why at Love Worth Finding, we're passionate about creating and sharing resources to help you cultivate and nurture your relationship with Jesus. And for a gift of any amount, we want to share our new three-pack of writing journals.

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