Known for his unique ability to simplify profound truth so that it can be applied to everyday life, Adrian Rogers was one of the most effective preachers, respected Bible teachers, and Christian leaders of our time. Thanks for joining us for this message. Here's Adrian Rogers. Find please 1 Peter Chapter 3 I have a wonderful message on the home this morning, and I pray it'll be a blessing to your heart. Love in marriage is wonderful.
Actually, it is a miracle. But the great miracle is not love at first sight. Friend, the great miracle is love. After a long, long look.
Well, how do you keep? The honey In the honeymoon. You don't want to be like that man who enjoyed showing his. pictures of his wedding. the video backward so he could see himself walking out of the church a free man.
Yeah. It don't want to be like that. How can you keep that excitement, that thrill here? Where we're going to be studying about Abraham. And Sarah.
And let's look in the scripture here, beginning in verse. 1. Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, they also may, without the word, be won by the conversation, that literally means the behavior of the wives. It includes what one would say, but it goes far beyond that in the King James English. Verse 2.
While they behold your chaste, that means your pure behavior. Coupled are joined with fear. Who's adorning? Let it not be that outward adorning of the plaiting of the hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of apparel, but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible. even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.
which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in old time, the holy women also who trusted in God adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. whose daughters ye are. as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement.
Likewise, ye husbands. Dwell with them according to knowledge. giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life. That your prayers be not hindered. We'll stop our reading right there, but this.
is a description of Sarah and Abraham. and it uses them as an example.
Now that's an encouragement to me because, friend, I want to tell you. Sarah and Abraham had a lot of obstacles. They were not a perfect couple. They had all kinds of pressures. For example, they had family pressures.
They lived in a tent. Lady, how would you like to live in a tent? Constantly moving. They had unfulfilled. passions and desires and ambitions.
They were looking for a city that had foundations, but it took, in their married life, they never found it. There was A very ugly part, there was a third person who came into their marriage, a woman named Hagar. And Abraham had a child. By Hagar, that's An ugly thing and I'm sure one of the marks upon Abraham's life that he certainly has to hang his. hid and shame about.
They had difficulty with their children. They had a blended family. And uh Not only that, but children themselves. Are just a difficulty, we might as well admit it. From the time.
A child is 12. To 18. He watches his parents age 20 years. They had these kids they had to deal with and Abraham failed. There was a time when Abraham failed to protect Sarah and he told a half-truth in order to save his own hide.
He was kind of a scoundrel. when he did that. And yet he's known as a man of faith. But it certainly wasn't perfect. And uh they went through all of the All of the things that we all go through, the fiery passions of youth.
when they fell in love. Then middle age. They say, you know, youth looks forward, old age looks backward, middle age just looks worried. They went through middle age and then they went through old age, what we call old age, the sunset years of life. And they went through all of that.
But they made it. And so can you if you put in practice some of the things that we're going to teach about today.
Now, the point I'm making is nobody has a perfect marriage because there are no perfect people, right? And you ought to be glad that you're not Perfect. and that your mate is not perfect. I mean Actually. For him.
If um If your mate were perfect. He or she never would have married you. You think about it. I was speaking over in North Carolina. At the Bitter Graham Conference Center over there, which is absolutely beautiful, a place called the Cove.
I was preaching on marriage in the home. And a lady in mature years got up and she spoke to the younger women and she said, now I want you younger women to know this. Said you may marry a man. Who is a Shining, a knight with shining armor. on a white horse.
But she said somebody still has to clean up after the horse. And then she said in parentheses, and enjoy it.
Well, how are we going to have the kind of a home that God wants us to have? May I give you seven simple words?
Now the outline today, all you have to do is just write down seven words. But these seven words are going to come out of this passage of scripture that we're looking at today. And if you will take these seven words and inculcate them, I believe I can promise to you a successful family. First word is faith. F-A-I-T-H.
Now look, if you will, in 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 5. For after this manner in old time, the holy women also, now watch this phrase. Who trusted I'm just going to stop reading right there and then go down to verse 7. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge. Giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, as being heirs together of the grace.
of life.
Now the grace of life. Means the power of God that comes into your life through faith. It's very obvious. that in spite of all of their faults, and they're peccadillos. Abraham and Sarah had an abiding faith in God.
You know what the Bible says? The Bible says a threefold cord. is not easily broken. When you take one strand, You may break it. Wrap it with another strand is harder to break.
But threefold chords are most difficult to break. What is the threefold cord that binds our homes together? The man? The woman And God. A threefold cord is not easily broken.
Our home, I'll give you a testimony. Our home is solidly built. on Jesus Christ. Joyce knows that she's not number one. She's not first in my life.
She knows that God is first in my life. I know that God is first in her life. I don't mind that. Because I know that she loves me with a stronger, deeper, purer love. by putting God first than she could ever love me if she made me first.
And so it is God that puts us together in our dating life. And we were growing up as high school sweethearts. We would conclude our dates in prayer. Uh the first night of our honeymoon. We kneel.
Beside the bed. and gave our home to Jesus Christ. Every day. We pray together at breakfast. And pray for all of our children and grandchildren.
And pray for various things that God Wants us to have, but we pray for one another and bless one another. Our home is built on prayer. It began with prayer. It continues with prayer.
Now, friend, listen. You will never have a successful home. in my humble but accurate opinion. Apart from God. And you'll never know God as you ought without faith.
Abraham and Sarah are listed there in Hebrews chapter 11 as champions. of faith. Second word. Not only the word faith, here's the second word, acceptance. Acceptance.
Look now in chapter 3 and verse 1. Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, They may without the word be won by the behavior of the wines. That is your husband's not going to be perfect. He's not always going to be Uh He's not always going to be living in accordance with the word of God.
Now. There comes a word here, while we're in the neighborhood, be in subjection to your own husbands. May I say, friend, That submission to your husband does not mean you're inferior. The devil's pulled a trick on people. The devil today has tried to obliterate the differences.
between the sexes. Under the guise of making men and women equal, He's tried to make them the same. Men and women are equal before God. In Christ is neither male nor female Jew nor Greek. We are all one in the Lord Jesus Christ.
But equality Of worth is not the sameness of worth. a function. God has put headship. in the home. God has made the husband be the head of the home, not the boss of the home.
Well there's a difference between bossiness. And headship. When the husband is the head of the home, That simply means he has a responsibility. It doesn't mean he has superiority. but he has a certain responsibility.
You're never more. Like The devil, when you're Have an unsubmissive spirit. You're never more like the Lord Jesus Christ when you have a submissive spirit. We accept one another. Headship for the husband does not mean the husband has greater privileges.
It means that he has greater responsibility. But we accept who we are. We accept our God-given roles. Sir? If you don't accept the headship that God has given you in the home, you are a slacker, a shirker.
I'll fail you as a husband. And precious lady? If you don't accept God's plan for the home, you have a rebellious spirit. And And by the way, After the service. If you disagree with this passage of Scripture, please don't take it up with me.
Read it back to the Lord. And say, now, Lord, here's one place where you really blew it. Here's one place where you made a mistake. Don't come to argue with me. I am not.
The author I'm just the Western Union boy delivering the message, okay?
Now this doesn't mean there are fewer blessings. Actually, it means more blessings when we find God's plan for the home. But there is this matter of acceptance. We accept our roles. We accept one another.
Neither of us is perfect, but we accept the other. Never marry a person. in order to make them over. If you don't like what you're getting, don't get it. Don't marry.
You marry in haste, you'll repent in leisure. But once you're married You accept it.
Now, number three. The third word is the word contentment. The word contentment. Look if you will now in verses 3 and 4. Uh Peter is talking about the way that women adorn themselves and dress, and he says, Who's adorning?
Let it not be that outward adorning of the plaiting of the hair and of wearing of gold and putting on of apparel. But let it be the hidden man or hidden person of the heart. And that which is not corruptible, underscore the phrase that which is not corruptible. even the ornament of a meek and a quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. And then again, uh 1 Peter 3 verse 7, likewise ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life.
Underscore that phrase, heirs together of the grace of life.
Now As you study the life of Abraham and Sarah, you find that God had given them, in spite of all of their faults, a spirit of contentment.
Now Abraham was a very wealthy man. But he didn't flaunt his wealth. And he was able to use his wealth, not abuse his wealth. He did not always live a life of comfort and security because they had to move from place to place. to place.
Now let me say something, you kids are just getting married. Learn the secret of contentment. Learn that you can get along without almost anything except one another and God. Let me just. invert that without God and one another.
If you have God, You have one another. You have something to wear and something to eat. That's all you need. The Bible says having food and clothing. Raiment.
Let us therewith be content.
Now, if you have more, I'm happy for you. If you have uh Ladies, if you're wearing gold today, I'm happy for you. If you have a fine dress today, I'm happy for you. Sir, if if you Have you been successful in your business? I'm happy for you.
The Bible says God takes pleasure in the prosperity of His servants. But listen to me carefully. A wise man once said to whom little is not enough. Nothing is enough.
Now if you didn't hear that You missed something real good. It's not original with me. But it is so true. To whom little is not enough. Nothing.
is enough. If you and and wife Are you an husband? Have God and one another. You have all you need to be content. One man.
had an enormous fortune. And overnight, He lost it. I mean, he was a big shot. He was like one of these dot-com companies, it just cratered. He lost it all.
They had to sell their big fine home. They moved into a little apartment. They looked around at this The small Apart. They've been living in luxury. He slumped down in the chair.
And he said, well. Here we are. She said no. Here we are. Don't you like that?
Here we are. We have one another. And we have God. Learn the secret of contentment. Sometimes people read this passage of scripture and they think that it teaches that women ought not to fix their hair.
And where gold?
Well, look at it. It says, it says, don't let your adorning be the braiding of the hair. And they say, see there, you ought not to braid your hair. And let not your adornment be the wearing of gold. See there, women ought not to wear jewelry.
And let not your adorment be the putting on of apparel. See there, women ought not to wear clothes. Hey, hey, folks. Uh ladies, he's not against you fixing yourself up. Uh Sarah must have fixed herself up.
I'm telling you one thing, after she was 80, men were still vying for her. She was a knockout. She's dynamite. She's a good-looking gal. But what he is saying is this, whose adornment?
Don't let it be that outward adornment. Look, if that's what you're counting on, dear lady, you're fighting a losing battle. Because you're getting older and there's a new bevy of beauties coming on every day. Did you know that? I mean, use your noggin.
Think about it. that you learn to have the ornament of a meek and a quiet spirit which is not corruptible. You can get more and more beautiful. And I say this is not preacher rhetoric. I know my wife.
Like her husband is getting older. But that gal is gorgeous to me. She's beautiful to me. I know her character. All right.
I know the inward beauty. And I adore her. Because uh Outward beauty can fade. Inward beauty is real. You know that Somebody said beauty skin deep, ugly goes all the way to the bone.
Beauty fades, but ugly holds its own. Brent, listen to me. Learn the secret. of real beauty. And that comes out of real contentment.
You see, the real character is inward. And you know what inward serenity means? He says, the ornament of a meek and a quiet spirit. That word meek. Friend, it doesn't mean um Weak.
The Roman army was described as meek. All meat means is under control. It's a woman not out of control. Uh uh uh a meek Spirit. Meekness is not weakness.
Jesus was meek and mild. He wasn't weak. And it says, a quiet spirit. Quiet? That doesn't mean mousy.
It doesn't mean timid, it means serene. It means tranquil. It means a person who has inner beauty, inner character, a person who has learned contentment. Both husband and wife need to learn contentment. Be content.
Now. I'm going to be one of these families whose marriage ceremony ought to say till debt do us part. Number four. Here's another key word. There's a word forgiveness.
Forgiveness. Look, if you will, again in verses 3, chapter 3, verses 8 through 10. Likewise, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another. Love as brethren. Be pitiful, be courteous, not rendering evil for evil or railing for railing, but contrarywise, blessing.
knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. For he that will love life, do you love life? Listen. He that will love life and see good days, do you want good days? Listen.
Let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips, that they speak no guile. All married people must learn to forgive.
Now the tornadoes. have been sweeping through. The Southland? Devastating.
Sometimes we read We read of earthquakes in Turkey here recently. and seeing them destroy homes. But you know what Joyce and I saw the other day in our house? Out of the floor. a little hole about that big.
They were coming these termites. Just pouring out. And they were going all the way across. They sing the hallelujah chorus, just going all the way across our floor. I mean just coming out, coming out, coming out.
I thought, good night. That floor is so beautiful. Becoming the termites.
Well, well We called a man and ripped up the wood and killed those critters and If you're one of these animal writers, I believe in killing termites personally. But uh Kill those critters. Let me tell you something. Friend, Tornadoes are terrible. Earthquakes are horrible.
But termites destroy more homes than anything else. It's the termites that'll get your home. It's that little spirit of bitterness. That unwillingness to forgive. That spirit that carries a grudge.
Now notice what he says here in verse 9, not rendering evil for evil or railing for railing, but contrary wise, blessing.
Somebody does you evil, bless them.
Somebody rails. Bless them. I'll give you a lesson. There are three levels of life. One is the hellish level.
where you give back evil for good.
Some people will do that. That's the hellish level. The second level is the human level. That is good for good and evil for evil. You do me good, I'll do you good.
You do me, you hurt me, I'll hurt you. Frankly, that's where most people live. That's where a lot of families live. But what he is saying here is the heavenly level Good for evil.
Sometimes the wife has to practice it, sometimes the husband has to practice it. But you learn to forgive. You learn to bless. And don't carry around a grudge. The burden of bitterness.
Did you ever get a splinter in your finger? Maybe it's down there deep enough, and you see it, and you see that little dark spot, and you say, Well, now I could get that out, but I don't know. You could get a needle and pick it out. Say, well, maybe it'll work its way out, and you just leave it there. Seems to be alright.
Then one morning you wake up and you've got this incredible pain and this thing is throbbing, it is festered, it is infected. Because you didn't get it out. The Bible says, don't let the sun go down upon your wrath. Forgiveness is so important. I must rush on.
Here's the next word. The fifth word is communication, communication. Look again, if you will, in chapter three, verses eight through ten, finally be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another. Love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous, not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing, but contrarywise blessing, for thereunto are ye called that ye should inherit. A blessing.
Here's the verse that deals with communication: For he that would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil and his lips. that they speak no guile.
Now Abraham and Sarah were so very different.
So are Joyce and Adrian.
So therefore you have to learn to communicate. Proverbs 18, 21 says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Again, verse 10, for he that will love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile.
Now people want intimacy in marriage. The word intimacy, our English word comes from the Latin intimus. which means in most. Men need to learn to communicate. The problem is primarily with the men.
I asked Joyce. I said, Joyce. What is the basic problem? in marriage communication. She didn't hesitate.
She said men. Man. Have you ever noticed, guys? They're women, they, whatever it is, they say it in three letters. Men.
And that is true. We are the basic Problem in communication. Plan to communicate. Make room, make time for communication. Every man.
And woman, for that matter, ought to plan four dates. You know what those dates ought to be? Number one, you ought to plan a date with God. You ought to have a quiet time with God every day. Number two, you ought to plan a date with your kids.
Joyce and I try to spend time with our kids and our grandkids personally. Then have a date with yourself when you get alone. Sit down and think. And pray. and a quiet Just meditating on what you want to do, and then have a date.
with your spouse. Go somewhere, get out of the house, and avoid all emotional and sensitive subjects, and just love one another.
Now, here's the sixth thing, and I've really got to hurry. Here's the next word, and it is romance. Romance. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge. Now look at the word dwell.
That word dwell literally means... to live with. When people are not married and they They share the same house. We say they're living together. They're living together.
By the way, you have no right to do that. You're living in fornication and adultery. You say it's not adultery, we're not married, I'm not married to anybody else. It's adultery against the person you may be married to. It is certainly contrary to the laws of God.
And if you're living that way, you need to stop it. But the Bible says that husbands and wives, those who are married, are to dwell together. And the word literally means to share. or has the implication of sharing the same bed. And what it is talking about here is the romance that is in marriage.
Never let the physical part of your marriage grow cold. Uh Actually The word here says, giving honor to the wife. Do you see that? The word giving honor Comes from a root word which means precious. You see your wife.
as someone, as something precious. When you give honor to a person, what you're saying to that person is this: that I believe in you. Everybody needs somebody. to whom they are number one.
Now I said in our home, Joyce is number two, but I'm talking about of all human relationships, she's number one. I am number one in her life. And she's number one in my line. And how do you give honor?
Well, one way that you give honor is a sincere compliment. When I preach. And somebody says to me, Pastor, I was blessed by that. That's a blessing to me, and if you won't do it, it's fine. I mean, if you want to and if you don't want to do it.
I feel sorry for you. That's fine. But now listen. There are times When I preach a dog won't even wag his tail at me. But if Joyce will say That was good.
That means something to me. A husband wants to be admired. And this admiration. A wife wants to be admired. And it literally means giving honor.
And you need to honor the person that you're married to. And all of this is under the heading of romance because it's all part of it. You give honor not only privately, But publicly. And you honor your wife. Never make any cheap jokes.
About your wife. They're not funny. Everybody needs About ten hugs. and 10 compliments a day. Everybody does.
George and I walk in the mornings. When the weather's nice, we walk outside sometimes on a treadmill. But there's a place on our walk where there's a curve. About as far as from here to the back of this room. I call it the complement curve.
And the whole time we're walking, that thing, we're giving one another compliments. Just as many compliments as we can give. By the time we're walking on that walk, we do it in the mornings, just giving out compliments. And then at the end of that complement curve is a telephone pole. I call it the passion pole.
Right there, I give her a hug and a kiss, and she gives me a hug and a kiss. And then we go a little bit further, there's a little sharp corner. That's the critical corner. We get around that as quick as we can. If you have anything bad to say, you better say it now because we're going around this corner.
And we're going to get that thing out. Friend? Keep. The romance there. Keep the joy there.
Keep the excitement there. Don't ever let anybody tell you to grow up. On my way home, I'm grateful for a cell phone. I call her and I say, That's a love mobile calling in. I'll be home, baby.
In five minutes, you sensitize your lips. Seriously? Keep The romance there. I have a crush on that gal. Last of all, Prayer.
Prayer, that's the seventh word. Look at it again. 1 Peter 3 verse 7. Likewise ye husbands. Dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel.
and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not Hindered. Learn to pray together. Pray it through. It's more than trite to say that the family that prays together Stays together. Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman wakes but in vain.
Except the Lord build the house, the laborer labors in vain. Learn to pray. are together.
Now you say, Pastor Rogers, that's a very strange thing. Because you gave us seven words. About having a successful home. But you never mention love. You never mentioned love.
Friend, all of these are facets of that one thing called love. They're all facets. Of love.
Now. God knows Abraham and Sarah were not perfect. And God really knows that Adrian and Joyce are not perfect. And Joyce comes close, but I'm light years away. But I'll tell you one thing.
Were it not for God. We never would have made it. I know the arrogancy in my own heart. I know my natives. Inclination to selfishness and pride.
and obstinacy. But I'm so grateful. for a Christian home.
Now, some are saying, Pastor Rogers, I heard this message too late. My home's in shambles. We've been divorced. Are you talking about a Christian home? I'm not even married.
Maybe I just, all the good guys or good gals seem to be taken. Maybe I'm destined to... to live a single life. And really What you've done may be to encourage some people and instruct others. It just made me sad today.
Because frankly, that's not the picture of my life. I don't see a future. Like you've described. I wish I could have a home that way. But I don't know that I can.
Let me say something to you. You're not a second-class citizen. God loves you. God has a wonderful plan for your life. God has a plan for the single life.
as well as for the married life. That's another sermon, but it's a wonderful plan. I'll tell you something else. If you have blown it and messed up, Our God is a God of grace and forgiveness. And you never forget that.
And God can mend a broken life. if you give him all the pieces. And say, well, I don't have a family. You can have a family. You can have a big family called Bellevue.
If you want it. What a wonderful family. Our church family is. There's a way for all of us. And if you're hungry for God, You want to know that you're saved beyond the shadow of any doubt.
Would you pray and say, Dear God, I am a sinner? And I'm sorry for my sin. I need you and I want you. Jesus, you died on that cross and shed your blood to pay for my sin. Thank you for doing that.
I open my heart. By faith now, like a child, I receive you into my life. as my Lord and Savior, take control of my life. And begin now to make me the person you want me to be. And help me, Lord Jesus, never ever.
to be ashamed of you. Jesus, I'll make this public this morning. I will not be ashamed of you. In your name I pray. Amen.
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