Why? Do we have? A traditional Order for marriage. Why do we have marriage at all? Why marriage at all?
That's a question we'd not have asked even a few decades ago. But in our modern era, the idea of marriage has become a matter of personal preference instead of what it actually is, a creation ordinance instituted by God. Welcome to Renewing Your Mind on this Monday. I'm your host, DayTirio. This week we'll be hearing messages from Dr.
R. C. Sproll's series The Intimate Marriage. Defining marriage biblically is so critical for Christians today.
So stay with me through the close to find out how you can have lifetime access to this entire series. But for now. Here's Dr. Skroll explaining what marriage is. and why God created it.
Just last week, I went to a wedding and it was one of the most interesting weddings I've ever attended. There were over 500 people there. The bride was gorgeous. But the thing that grabbed my attention. at this particular wedding ceremony was the creativity of the wedding ceremony.
The wedding lasted over an hour, and the bride and the groom had brainstormed together with the pastor. in order to insert new and different and exciting elements. into the wedding service. And I enjoyed those. But right in the middle of the ceremony, they inserted portions of the traditional classic Wedding Ceremony.
And I noticed that when I began to hear the words, from that traditional ceremony. that my tension perked up. And I was moved. And I thought to myself, I thought, There's just no way to improve on this. This is so beautiful.
Those words are so meaningful. Why can't we just stay? With the traditional service. And then I thought, well, I'm probably just old-fashioned, one of these fuddy-dutty ministers, and so on. And I thought, maybe the reason I like that traditional service so much.
Is because I've heard it so many times. Most people only really hear it once when they get married or when they're participating in somebody else's wedding. But when you're a clergyman, you have the benefit of doing it over and over and over again so that the words now. become sharp in their definition. And as I thought of that traditional wedding ceremony, I realized that a great deal of thought.
and care had been filled in each word. And so we have a tradition. that has developed. In this wedding service, I think most of us have seen the movie or the Broadway play. Fiddler on the roof.
How many of you have seen that?
Okay. I particularly like the movie version of it where we have the story of that venerable Russian Jewish patriarch Reptevia. His whole life revolves around his daughters. Oh, how he loves his daughters. And he looks forward to their future.
He plans for their future. And he gets involved with the matchmaker in the village who is supposed to establish mates. And the match for his daughters. But suddenly the girls, one at a time, come to their father. And they say, Papa.
But we don't love that man that the matchmaker has chosen. I love the tailor, or I love the butcher, or whatever. And these girls begin to pull at the heartstrings of their father one by one, and they say, Papa, please let me marry the man that I love. And poor Reptevia, he's torn apart by this. Because on the one hand, he wants to make his daughters happy.
But on the other hand, is on the one hand, and on the other hand, he wants to maintain his allegiance. to the traditions. And so when he struggles with his daughter saying, no, you can't marry the tailor or whoever, the daughter says, well, why not? And he said. It's the tradition.
And he thought that was explanation enough. You can't do it, it's the tradition. But then they asked the next question. But papa Why? Is it the tradition?
And Reptevia scratches his head and he says, Why is it the tradition? This is tradition. That's all. That's what my father did. That's what my grandfather did.
That's what his father before him did. It's the tradition. But he couldn't Give a reason. For the establishing of the tradition in the first place. And there was the crisis.
They had a tradition that was hanging. In mid-air. It was precarious. What was the title of the movie? Fiddler on the roof.
What in the world did a fiddler on the roof have to do with this story of this old man and his daughters who wanted to get married? We remember at the opening scene in the movie, as the sound track gets moving, and we see this little man dancing. and playing his fiddle. on a steeply pitched roof. That's the symbol for the entire movie.
The message is contained right in that because here is a man dancing and fiddling on a steeply pitched roof in a position that is highly precarious. At any second, we expect that fiddler to slip and to slide down the roof and crash into the ground. And the whole point of that image. is this, that a tradition That is not understood. A tradition that is empty of its roots is as precarious as a man trying to dance and fiddle on a roof like that.
Sooner or later, It will fall. And it will be destroyed.
Now, the Christian has to ask this question: why? Do we have? A traditional Order. For marriage. Why do we have marriage at all?
One of the things I like about the traditional wedding ceremony. is that in the wedding ceremony, Words are mentioned that explain to us why. There is such a thing as marriage. We're told in that wedding ceremony that marriage is ordained. and instituted by God.
That is to say that marriage is not something that just springs up arbitrarily out of social conventions or human taboos. Marriage is not invented by men. Marriage is ordained and instituted by God. Let's take a moment and look back at the origins. of marriage.
We go to the earliest chapters of the Old Testament, to the opening chapters of the book of Genesis. In the first chapter of Genesis, of course, we read the creation account, the narrative by which God creates the world, and he does it in stages. First, he cries out, Let there be light, and then he divides the light from the darkness. And in the next day, he may divide the dry land from the seas and the oceans, and then he begins to fill the earth with vegetation, with flowers, and trees, and so on. And then he adorns his creation even further by making beasts of the field and birds of the air and fish that swim in the sea.
But then, as we go through that narrative, we see that the creation story reaches its crescendo. With the crowning act of creation. where God scoops down into that earth and grabs a piece of clay and he begins to shape it and form it and mold it and then he breathes into it. His own breath. And we read That man becomes A living So Now, we also notice something going on here that at every stage of God's work of creation.
God utters A benediction. Shh.
Now we're all familiar with this word, benediction. We hear it every Sunday morning in church. It's the end of the service, and some of us can't wait for that to happen. See that minister raise his hand and say, Lord, bless you and keep you knowing, go home and eat, or do whatever, particularly if the sermon was boring.
So the benediction to us means the end of the service. But what's going on in the benediction is, as we see in the word, the root here bene means well. Or good. And diction, we know what it means to have good diction or poor diction, it has to do. was speaking.
So that a benediction is a good word. Where someone wishes you well. And so we see God's benediction. being pronounced Over each stage of his creation, as he creates the seas and the mountains, he looks at what he's made and he says, that's. Good.
And as he makes the animals and considers them, he looks at that part of his creation. He says, that's good.
So we see this benediction being repeated throughout chapter one and in the chapter two of Genesis. But suddenly something ominous. Comes into this story of creation in the middle of chapter two. There's a very subtle mood shift. For the first time In the history of the universe.
God notices something. That provokes from his mouth not a benediction, but what we call a malediction. A maladiction means speaking evil. A curse, for example, would be a malediction. A statement of judgment.
Think for a moment and ask yourselves: what is the thing that provoked the first malediction from the mouth of God? What was the very first thing that God saw in his creation? about which he said, that's not good. We find it in the 18th verse of the second chapter of Genesis, where God looks down at his creation. He sees man, he sees the animals.
And he says It is not good. That man Should be alone. His first Maladiction is directed against the situation of human Loneliness. And so we ask why marriage? God provides An answer.
To human Loneliness. I remember the Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, who wrote frequently about the pain of human experience. And Kierkegaard said that there's a time for solitude. There's a time when each person needs. To get alone.
To be by himself, to collect and gather his thoughts. To reflect, to meditate, we remember how Jesus himself, from time to time, found it necessary to withdraw from the multitudes and the groups and just. get away by himself. And so solitude is something we need. But we don't want it in large doses.
At the same time, as we need those moments where we have our own space and we can be by ourselves and think, still, the worst punishment that we can conceive of giving people who are incarcerated, apart from physical torture and so on, is to consign them to solitary confinement. Cutting them off from all human fellowship and the warmth. of companionship. with another person. And I think it's also true as we see in creation that God creates man and woman as sexual creatures.
Male and female. Created he them, so that there was a certain attraction. Between the male and the female, a certain complementing Of each own individual humanity, found in a relationship of intimacy. Between two people. And they in?
And a woman. And so there In the garden God as a special act of creation. Makes The woman. She's not an afterthought. She's not inferior.
Indignity. to her husband. In fact, There's something special. About the creation of woman. When God sees that it's not good for man to be alone, God brings all of the animals and parades them past Adam.
And Adam is looking for a helpmate. Adam is looking for a partner. And he sees the kangaroo hopping by and he says It's not what I had in mind, right? And then God brings this beautifully, well-groomed German shepherd. And Adam looked at that and he said, Wow.
He said, that is a magnificent animal. I could see how that dog could bring my slippers to me in the morning. And on a cold night I could snuggle up against him, we would call a one dog night. If it's really cold, I can have a couple work on a three-dog night. He said, but it's still just not quite what I was looking at.
So then God brings this Palomina pony riding down the street. And Adam says, Now that's interesting. I can ride on that one, save me a lot of labor. It can pull my plow, get me from one town to the next. That would be a tremendous labor-saving device.
But God, it's I don't want to be picky, but it's still not what I had in mind. And so God said, all right. You don't like anything here. I'm going to put you to sleep. And God puts him to sleep.
And while Adam is experiencing the first anesthetic, Sure.
Okay. He has open chest thoraxic surgery. And God takes from his side a rib. And he fashions that. And creates A woman.
And then Adam awakens. And he looks at this special act of creation. And I don't know what his exact words are, but I think they went something like he saw her and he said, whoo, whoo, who he said, whoa, whoo, man. And that's where the name came from. That's apocryphal.
I'm making that up, folks. But I think he was beside himself when he saw that first woman, and he said, that's it. That's now. Bone of my bones. Flesh of my flesh.
God said, and the man. Shall leave? His father and his mother. And he shall cleave to his wife. God Ordained.
Marriage. Not as punishment. not as ball and chain bondage. But for human fulfilment. for intimacy.
To have the finest expression of what it means. To be a human being. in this world.
Now, I notice that when young people come to me and they want to write their own wedding ceremonies, and I appreciate the spirit behind them, when I ask, why do you want to write your own ceremony? They'll say, because I want my marriage to mean something. I don't want it to be an empty tradition. I don't want to just say meaningless words and sign a piece of paper and have that be that. And so I say, fine, that's a great spirit.
Go ahead, try your hand at it, be creative, write the wedding ceremony. But the only proviso I give is that it must be an authentic ceremony. All of the elements of real marriage have to be there, or I can't perform the ceremony. And I've seen wonderful wedding ceremonies written by young people. They come back with all kinds of creative things.
But you know, there's one thing I have never seen. In a homemade wedding ceremony, I've seen them say: everyone acknowledged that marriage is instituted and ordained by God. But I've yet to have a couple. Express That marriage is regulated by God's commandments. Which of course is an integral part.
of the traditional Saraman. where we acknowledge That not only does God create marriage and give marriage to us as a gift. But when He gives it to us for our well-being, He does not abandon thereby His sovereign authority over marriage. God regulates. Marriage And he institutes it.
in a certain format. The first thing we have to understand about this regulation. Is That God creates marriage in the form Of a covenant.
Now, dear friends, the whole idea of a covenant is rooted very, very deeply. In biblical Christianity. In fact, we even divide the Bible, don't we, between the Old Covenant and the New Covenant. Our redemption. is based on the market of a covenant.
But what is a covenant? A covenant is simply An agreement, a contract between two or more persons. And at the heart of a covenant, is a promise. On biblical terms, every covenant. Had stipulations.
It had provisions. Rules, if you will. that had to be kept for the covenant. To stay intact. And there's something else I wanted to note in terms of biblical covenants.
In the Bible, there was no such thing as a private covenant. A covenant was something that was undertaken. in the presence of witnesses. How many times have you heard young people say, why do I have to go through a marriage ceremony? Say a few words, sign a piece of paper.
What difference does it make? Why can't I just have an agreement with my girlfriend. Friends, it's one thing. For a man to whisper into the ears of a woman in the back seat of an automobile where nobody hears it. where nobody is going to call him into account for what he has promised.
And to stand up. In a church or in city hall, Where in front of your parents, in front of your friends. In front of the civil authorities and in front of the ecclesiastical authorities. In front of every authority structure in your life, you stand there and publicly before God and these witnesses. Make a promise.
You take vowels. Sacred vows. Holy vows. And you make a commitment. That if you don't take it seriously.
Maybe your parents will take it seriously. For your friends, I once was involved in counseling a divorce case. that involved a triangle. And I was pleading with this woman who was involved in this triangle. to break this relationship and return to her husband.
And she says to me, Hi. Who am I hurting? I want to be happy. This is just between my husband and me and my lover. The church doesn't need to be involved with it.
And I showed her my appointment book, and she couldn't believe it that I had spoken to and made appointments with 28. people. who were directly affected by this relationship. I had to meet with both parents, both sets parents, the children, the next door neighbor, the friends, uncles and aunts, employers who were all upset about the sea of devastation that was going on with one broken marriage. And in those cases, this woman's friends cared enough about her, her church cared enough about her, to get involved.
But she wanted it to be a private matter. But covenants are Aren't private. And we need to understand that: that there's a big difference between whispering something privately and signing a piece of paper and doing it formally. In ceremony. At a significant moment and a significant occasion where we mark that moment.
And we make That sacred Foul. Then you see. We have a covenant. I say. The marriage.
is the most precious of all human institutions we have. It's also the most dangerous. It's dangerous because it's into our marriage that we. Pour our greatest and deepest feelings of expectations. That's where our emotions are on the line.
That's where we can achieve the greatest happiness. But it's also where we can achieve The greatest disappointments The most frustration. and the most pain. That's why If I am going to enter into a relationship where there's that much at stake, I need something more. Than a superficial hey, yeah.
I'm committed. Yeah, I love you. Stick with me, honey. Yeah.
Something has been lost. about The sacred and holy character of the vowel. and of the covenant. that is regulated by God's commandments. It's for our happiness.
But it's also for his Glory. You've been listening to RC Sproll on The Intimate Marriage. A six-part series that explores how God designed marriage to be a celebration of joyous intimacy. and one of life's greatest delights. You can request this digital series and study guide by donating in support of this program when you call 800-435-4343 or visit renewingyourmind.org.
will also send you a DVD. Tomorrow, we'll hear about the very first instance of hide and seek. Adam and Eve hid from God because they knew they were naked. Find out how God responded. Tuesday here.
on Renewing Your Mind.
