I've heard it said, show me your friends and I'll show you your future. You know, relationships are a powerful tool to build character and determine personal direction. And if you long to become great in God's eyes, there are some significant relationships that you'll want to pursue.
And today, we'll talk about how to discover and develop those kind of relationships. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. The mission of these daily programs is to intentionally disciple Christians through the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram.
And we're nearing the end of his meaningful series, Good to Great in God's Eyes. For these last couple of programs, Chip will examine how relationships shape our thoughts and lives, and why great relationships are essential for spiritual maturity. As always, if you miss a portion of this program, you can catch up through the Chip Ingram app.
It's a great way to listen to Living on the Edge anytime. If you're ready to dig in, go to Proverbs chapter 13 in your Bible, as we join Chip for his message, Pursue Great People. There is a phrase that you hear a lot and I think it's true. And the phrase is, more is caught than taught.
In other words, you can go to a class and you can hear this or that, but you really catch more than actually is taught. And I like to suggest that that's true. It's true when you're young and it's true when you're old. And I got to share a story. My sister was dating like a star basketball player. He was about four years older than me. So he was, I think, a junior and I was in eighth grade and his name was Rex. And I got to be careful here because, I mean, Rex had the purest, most beautiful jump shot I've ever seen.
And I played him one-on-one for hours and I could never beat him. And he was 6'2 and a real big kind of guy and he just kind of became my hero. And he was sort of stocky and didn't look like a basketball player except when he got on the floor no one could stop him. But Rex had this unusual sort of posture, about like this, and when he walked it looked like he was going to fall over and it was like that. And when he was really trying to be cool with his leather jacket, he would have that and he put a little dance into it like...
It was cool back in the 70s, okay? And so it's not like I said to myself, I think I'd like to walk like Rex Greg. I just hung with him.
I tried to shoot like him. I wanted to be around him and he was at the house and eating meals. And one day, I'll never forget, imagine if you would, this is a stage where there's a basketball court, they're old time, and there's an auditorium and there's seats where you could cut through that door in front of the stage to the auditorium to get to class. And I was coming through that door walking across and it was absolutely empty, all those theater type seats they had in the old junior highs. And I didn't know it but apparently I had picked something up. I had caught it. I never asked for walking lessons but being the cool eighth grader, I was... And I didn't think anybody was up there and I hear from the balcony, it was dark and you can't see, hey Ingram, you idiot, who taught you how to walk?
And I promptly went and walked off. And I thought to myself, it was only in the moment when I heard, hey Ingram, you idiot, did I realize that I unconsciously had picked up walking like Rex. You know, you just pick up whatever the people around you are.
Now you would think that you only do that when you're young and when you're naive and when you're impressionable and when you get older, you outgrow that. Except I went to Dallas Seminary and a professor named Howard Hendricks had a big impact. In fact, I heard him preach once and said, that's where I want to go to school.
I want to preach like him. And God so used him in my life. And so every class he taught, I took. Every time he opened his home, we went. Every retreat, we went to. For three years, it took me time and finally I got to go on a trip with him.
And the first couple years as a pastor, I was 28 years old, little country church. And I remember coming home one day and my wife, lovingly sweet woman that she is says, honey, you got to knock it off. And so what do you mean? You just sound exactly like Howard Hendricks. I said, what do you mean? I sound like Howard Hendricks. And she goes, well, you real, when you preach, it's like, you just go into, I mean, you're using his phrases and his mannerisms and oh, no, I don't. Don't know whether I should wind my watch or lose my ball in the weeds. And you know, and I mean, I had him down.
I didn't even know it. The principle I want you to get is this timeless axiom. We become most like those we admire and those with whom we interact most frequently.
Take it to the bank. You will be like whoever you admire and whoever you hang with. The practice number three, if you want to move from good to great in God's eyes, you long for your heart to be more tender. You want to be more godly. You want to pray the way that we talked about. You want your motives to be what God wants them to be. You long to become in God's eyes, the kind of person with the kind of courage and boldness who'd say, Lord, I'd like to sit at your right hand.
I want to be a great Christian. Number three, pursue great people. Pursue. I didn't say hang around. Go after them. Find a great Christian and pursue them.
Hang out with them. The key text for this one is Proverbs 1320. He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fool suffers harm. He who walks with the wise man will be wise, but the companion of a fool will suffer harm. Show me your friends and I'll show you your future. It's true, isn't it?
Show me your friends. That's why his parents, why it's critical. You know who your kids hang out with and what their attitudes are and where they, because they're going to become, they're going to become just like the people they hang with. Now, here's what I'd like to ask. Why pursue great people?
I mean, I mean, we've got the basics here, but why? I want to give you a biblical foundation for pursuing great people. The first reason is God's word is emphatic about the company that we keep.
This isn't just about wanting to be good. The key word here, God's word is emphatic about the company we keep. First Corinthians 15, 33 says, do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character. You put one rotten apple, right? In a basket with good apples and the rotting apple will do what?
It'll rot the others. Notice what it says in Hebrews 13, seven, remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you. First, remember then consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Literally we get our word mimic, mimic their faith. We, we want to find leaders. We want to remember who they are.
We want to consider, ponder, think about their life. And just as I was unconsciously imitating how Rex would walk and how prof would preach, the Bible says, get your eye on a godly leader and imitate or mimic not their mannerisms, not their externals, imitate their faith. Notice what it says in first Corinthians four, 15 and 16, the apostle Paul right into the Corinthian church. He says to them, even though you have 10,000 guardians in Christ, a lot of people that'll help you and tell you what to do in your Christian life.
You do not have many fathers for in Christ Jesus, I became your father. How? Through the gospel. Therefore I urge you, same word, imitate me. The apostle Paul knew the most powerful means of discipleship is modeling beyond teaching, beyond classes.
It's modeling. When you hang around a person, if you pray with them, you will end up praying like they pray. You will learn to give like they give. You'll learn to make decisions the way they make decisions. You'll learn to treat your wife the way they treat their wife. You'll learn to raise your kids the way they raised their kids. You'll learn to care about people the way they care about people.
You'll catch it. And the apostle Paul says, this is strong. Imitate me. Follow me as I follow Christ. Proverbs 27, 17 as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Now I want to make one vital observation before I go on and talk about how do you pursue great people?
Because I've made a point and some of you are thinking, you know, you're pretty quick and you're going to go, let's see, I'm going to be a lot like the people I'm around. All right. Mm hmm. That's really true.
There's a lot of verses. That makes sense. Yeah.
Okay. And then you're thinking about, well, wait a second. The people that I've been around the most were my parents. The people that I was around the most were some brothers and sisters. And in a group this size, some of you had some parents that weren't believers. And some of you had some parents that were and didn't act like it. And some of you had some parents that walked out on you.
And some of you had some parents that were abusive in their speech and others abusive physically and others abusive sexually. And before I go on, you're thinking to yourself, wow, I'm going to be a lot like the people I hang around with. But you know, God, I didn't get, I don't know about you. I didn't get a lottery ticket like, okay, I would like a family in Ohio, Columbus, school teachers. That's for me, Lord.
I just got born there. And so I want to make some observations because if you don't think this through, you can really get stuck. The observations I've put on your teaching handout, it's that our baggage and our backgrounds demand that we pursue great people. Our baggage and our backgrounds demand that we pursue great people.
And we all have baggage and we all have backgrounds. No one had a perfect parent. Anybody have a perfect parent? Your parent may have given it their best shot. You know, my dad gave it his best shot. But how do you be a dad when you didn't have one after you were 13?
How do you be a dad when you've killed thousands of people and you have all kinds of hang ups and you don't know how to deal with your own life, let alone communicate it to your son? See, there's some wounds and deficits that came from your dad, your mom, my dad, my mom, because they weren't perfect. But guess what? That's normal.
It's normal. Unfortunately, some of us focus on that the rest of our life. The third observation with this is we must choose to deal with the damage constructively.
And you know, we could spend a lot of time here and I'm not. All I want to tell you is there are some people that have been through some very difficult times. And the focus of your heart and your life is always about what was done to you and what you're working through. And there's unresolved shame and unresolved blame and unresolved issues that you know something, at some point in time, you have to say, Lord, I want to thank you that in your sovereignty, I was in this family and these good things came out of it. And Lord, I want to tell you that there are wounds and deficits and pains and I need you to be my father. I need you to heal me. I need you to restore me.
It's a fallen world. And you know what? The best thing that's happened to me probably in the last decade has been to walk a few miles in my parents moccasins to kind of think about, you know, when you hit certain ages, all of a sudden you think, let's see when my dad was about 40, this is how old I was. And this is what I went through.
And wow, I think he did a lot better than I thought 10 years ago. And let's see now, when I was this age, my dad was 48 or 50. And here's the issues I'm dealing with.
And you know what? Boy, we had meals together and they cared about me and you know something, you know, the confidence that I have, the drive that I have, the positive self image I have, you know, a lot of things are really, really positive and they all go back to my dad. I mean, my dad and I started a little lawn business when I was eight.
You know, my dad helped me deliver papers and I had 130, 150 paper out, you know, stacked up to the rim in the car when I was about 11 years old. You know, it's so easy to look at the minuses and the hurts and the pains instead of saying, I had an imperfect parent and they gave me these good things. Thank you, Lord. And only the healer, the restore of my soul, God, can ever complete my life. But you know how he does it? Now, sometimes you read the word and the Spirit of God does some deep things in your heart, but you know how normally God heals you? He brings the dad in your life that you didn't have. He brings the cheerleader into your life that you didn't have. He brings the sponsor into your life that you really needed. He brings the confident or the counselor.
He brings someone in your life that's been through something and he takes the Word of God through the Spirit of God through the heart of another person and this person rubs up next to you and he makes you whole and me whole little by little by little through another person. And so what I'm going to tell you is you need to pursue great people, first of all, because the Bible is emphatic that the company we keep will determine the kind of people we become. And second, because we all came from dysfunctional backgrounds. We all have baggage. We all have wounds.
It's normal. You can either choose to be a victim or choose to say, I'm going to grow through it. And God, there's people in the body of Christ.
You are going to love me in this new family called the church and I need to pursue the people that you want to use to heal my life and I want to be in turn a healer in the life of other people. Have you got it? You know, every time I hit this part, I wish I had a camera and could see the wheels going on inside your heads. It really raises stuff up, doesn't it? You know, that's okay.
It's okay. Because see, if you never bring it up and if you never deal with it, what a lot of us do is push it down and when it comes up, we go to the refrigerator. And when it comes up, other people open something and they start drinking a little bit of it. And when it comes up, some people take some pills. Or when it comes up, some people just go to work and work more and more and more and more because you just keep pushing down stuff that bothers you that's not dealt with that are wounds and you just have to say, you know something? I love Henry Nouwen's book, The Wounded Healer. It's when we begin to get forgiveness and healing from God in our imperfection that He allows us to pass it on to other people.
Well, let's get on the real positive side then. How in the world do we go about developing these kind of relationships? How do you pursue great people? I mean, I don't know about you, but they just didn't line up on my door, you know, seven deep, ringing the doorbell, hi, I'm a great person, Chip, I'd like to be a sponsor in your life. Oh, okay, you already have one. Hi, Chip, I'd like to be a father figure. I knew you went through some rough times.
I mean, that didn't happen to me. You got to pursue them. And I'm going to give you a couple ways that I think will be very helpful. The first is I think you need to start in the rear view mirror.
You ready for that? I think to pursue great people, start in the rear view mirror and mentally build what I'm going to call your own personal Mount Rushmore of the four or five people who have most positively impacted or influenced your life. So what I want you to do before you think about who do you need to go get to help? Look in the rear view mirror and say to yourself, who are the pivotal people, maybe one, two, three or four people, maybe five, who have been the most positive, influential, because you're going to ask them why and you'll begin to recognize needs you have in your life. The reason they were influential is God used them.
Some of them may be even unbelievers. And so I'm going to challenge you to build kind of your own Mount Rushmore. When you do, you'll recognize the value of people in your life. You'll see the strategic needs that you have, and then it will help you determine what kind of people you ought to pursue. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and he'll be back to continue our series, Good to Great in God's Eyes, in just a minute. But let me quickly tell you, we are more than a broadcast ministry. We're passionate about supporting pastors globally, developing helpful resources, and sharing the gospel with this next generation.
So if you'd like to partner with us in these areas, go to livingontheedge.org. Well, here again is Chip. So are you ready? I'm going to turn this stage into Mount Rushmore. Mount Rushmore has four great faces on it, right?
I'm a Christian. I'm adding five, okay? See, I can do anything I want with my own personal Mount Rushmore, so I'm going to have five faces. And I want you to know I'm going to have face number one, face number two, and I'll tell you about them.
And then I've got face number three and face number four. And in my Mount Rushmore, they're all tilted inward, and they're going to look toward the middle of face number five, because face number five is the one that's had the most impact in my life. And I just want to go through the exercise personally for a few minutes, and as I do, I want you to ask yourself, who would be my Mount Rushmore? Who are the people that most positively impacted my life? My first one over here on the left, etched in stone in my heart and soul, is a guy named Neil Lance, my junior high coach, PE teacher. I'll never forget the first time I met Neil Lance. I was a cocky, insecure, mouthy kid who desperately wanted attention because he couldn't figure out what was going on inside. And I walked into his PE class, and I was mouthing around, Ingram, shut up now, give me 20.
That was my first experience with Neil Lance. And as I was just like this, and then I started to bend out, Ingram, button it up. And like 10 minutes later, I'm still doing this. He never said another word to me, get a shower. And then he saw some desire, and over time he took me in the gym, and he closed the curtain, and this guy could play ball, and he knew that's where my heart was. And I grew kind of late, so when I was in seventh grade, I was 4'11", and then I shot up to 5'1", in eighth grade. And I wanted to play basketball.
This is not looking good. By ninth grade, I was 5'4", and ready to take on the world. And Coach Lance would come in the gym, and he'd throw me the ball, we'd play one-on-one, he taught me how to play defense, taught me how to play offense, but more than anything else, you know what he taught me? He taught me what a man looked like. I'll never forget as I was going through my insecurity, cocky stage, mouthy part of life. And some of you are looking at me like, you know, I can really imagine you like that.
Not very hard, is it, right? And I had shot off my mouth one too many times. And remember, some of the guys will appreciate this. Remember the old locker rooms, you'd go in and have the big public shower, and then on the wall there would be all the lockers, and then the coach would have, it would be a window, you know, and then he'd have a little office that really smelled like gym shoes, and he'd get his head out, Ingram, in here, now! I walked into his office, sit down. And then he got his nose right next to my face, and I mean he began to ream into me, and then he said, okay, stand up. And I, you know, and he was so angry because I had shot off my mouth one more time, and then I was just getting ready to leave, and he just was, he loved me so much that he cared. And he took me by the shirt, this was long before you got sued as school teachers, and he grabbed me by the shirt, and then he lifted me up and put me up against it, and I slid down on the chair, and he said, I'm gonna tell you something, you got great potential, and your mouth is gonna get you in trouble.
You could go over to that high school and be a good player, but they're gonna freeze you out because you got a mouth and you're arrogant. You could be somebody. But you know something?
Your mouth is gonna be the ruin of you. You're an arrogant jerk. You understand? And you know, we built a bond, and I painted houses all the way through college with Neil Lance. And Neil Lance taught me what it meant to be a man because he confronted me on man issues, and he was strong, and he invested in my life.
And he's in my Mount Rushmore, and I think early on God brought this man into my life so that I would learn. Real men stand up to the truth. Real men speak the truth. Real men are strong.
Real men face tough issues, and real men don't let stuff go under the rug. The second person on my Mount Rushmore is a girl named Punky. It's her almost real name.
Her real name's Harriet, but I shouldn't say that publicly. And she was my sister. And she's only about a year and three months older than me, and I'd never heard of Campus Crusade for Christ. And we were a religious family, and I went to a church that did not teach the Bible, and no one as far as I knew were Christians. But we were religious, went through motions, very hypocritical, and I got turned off by the church. But my sister went to this little meeting, Campus Crusade something something, and she became a Christian, and she was never preachy. But my sister taught me what it looked like to be a Christian.
I can't tell you that she ever preached a message that I ever remember, but my sister loved me. I would come in with friends, and she would say, guys, do you want some sandwiches? Can I get you a Coke? And, Chip, how did the game go? And she's real gullible, and I'd say, oh, I hit five home runs. Oh, Chip, that's so good.
Well, how'd it go? I scored 42 points. Oh, Chip, I'm so proud of you.
I mean, unbelievable. And then I would yank her chain, and she, oh, okay, Chip, why do you do that? And we ended up going through high school where the classes, we got to take some classes together, and you know, I was in that era in the early 70s where everyone was doing soapers and smoking dope and all the athletes in the high estate area, and I had an opportunity to do all that. And isn't it interesting, I wasn't a Christian, didn't have any big moral reason not to, and I still remember, you know, a guy giving me a joint and saying, do you want this? And saying, no. And I remember in my mind, I thought, no, what would Punky think?
What would Punky think? She was the most loving person. She showed me Jesus. She showed me, she lived it.
She's the kindest person that I'd ever met, and she's my sister and my friend, and I later became a Christian because of her testimony. I want to skip from number one, number two, I want to go right over here to number three in my Mount Rushmore, and this is the third person in my rearview mirror, a guy named Dave Marshall, and I prayed to receive Christ at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes camp, and I was 18 years old, had never opened the Bible and landed on a campus, and there was a bricklayer trained by the Navigators. He was what I would call not cool. Everyone's wearing white socks now, but he wore them back then, and it wasn't cool. Blue collar, strong worker, and he had a little Bible study in his house. He'd been there for three years.
This was the fourth year. If the ministry didn't grow, I learned later he was going to quit and go do something else, but he would lay bricks all day and open his home at night and do Bible study with a few students, and after three years, he had four students in the living room. Football player on the football team was the fullback and found out I was a Christian, said, you're coming with me. He was very big, so I went, and I found myself in a living room with about five or six other people that were not very cool, and this bricklayer said, I heard you just became a Christian. I said, yeah, it was this summer, and he said, would you like to learn to study the Bible, and I looked at him, and I thought, not with you. Sorry, but then I thought, I'm a Christian. I don't know the Bible.
I ought to want to study the Bible. He's offering, so I said yes, and every Tuesday morning, Dave would come, knock on my dorm room, and to my shame, sometimes I pretended I couldn't hear him, put the pillow over my head, but over time, he got this lazy, arrogant, insecure young believer, and we went into the little kitchenette, and he taught me how to read the Bible, and he taught me how to memorize a few key passages, and before long, I got involved in a little ministry, and those four or five people ended up 250 students in personal Bible study, and then Thursday nights, I would go up to Dave's house and eat dinner, and I'd watch, he had three boys and a girl, and I'd watch his kids, and he went out every Thursday on a date with his wife, and you know what? If Neal Lance taught me what it looked like to be a man, and my sister taught me what it looked like to be a Christian, Dave Marshall taught me what it meant to be a man of God. I learned to treat my wife the way he treated his wife. I learned to stop for people who were broken down on the road the way Dave always stopped. I learned to discipline my kids and love my kids the way Dave did. I learned to get up in the morning and spend time with God the way Dave did.
I learned to deal with crisis when his wife went in the hospital the way I saw Dave did. I remember getting to work with him for a few months, and I watched him build a whole hadite block, a foundation, and it was off, I mean, just barely out of square, and I mean, you know, the inspectors are never gonna see this. I mean, we spent two days on it, and I watched him rip it down, and I said, Dave, wait, what are you doing?
I said, I mean, that's not off enough to make any big difference. He said, I'm not doing my work for inspectors, and I'm not doing my work for these people. I'm doing my work for the Lord, and I don't think that represents my best work. I learned to work the way Dave worked. See, more really is caught than taught.
Who are the people near Mount Rushmore? This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and you've been listening to part one of Chip's message, Pursue Great People, from our series Good to Great in God's Eyes. Chip will be back shortly to share some helpful application for us to think about. In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus said, Whoever wants to become great among you must... what? Well, join Chip in this series as he explores God's definition of greatness by highlighting a handful of enriching practices Christians should adopt. And if you want to dive deeper into this subject, let me encourage you to check out Chip's book or our small group study. These are the perfect tools to help jumpstart your faith. Learn more about these resources by visiting Living on the Edge dot org, the Chip Ingram app, or by calling 888-333-6003. Well, before we go any further, our Bible teacher, Chip Ingram, is with me now to share a quick word.
Thanks so much, Dave. If you've been listening to Living on the Edge for a while, you may have heard me talk about BIO. The B is for Before God, the I for In Community, and the O for On Mission. And here at Living on the Edge, we have about a million folks who listen each week, like you are right now. We've got hundreds of thousands who use our small group studies, read the book, and go to the website every year. And for many, the teaching and the resources we provide through Living on the Edge, it helps them understand what it really means to come before God and to meet Him and experience Him. For others, it's kind of their lifeline to doing life in community. But there's a relatively smaller group of people who step up and say, I'm all in. We want to be on mission with you, and we want to make this ministry happen.
So here's what I'm asking. Nearly all that we do at Living on the Edge is only possible through the financial partnerships of folks like you. Will you help? Will you pray about becoming a partner with Living on the Edge financially? Would you stand in agreement with us on our mission as we pursue in this day and age to help Christians really live like Christians? Thank you for doing whatever God leads you to do. Well, as you prayerfully consider your role with this ministry, I want to remind you that every gift is significant. When you partner with Living on the Edge, you multiply our efforts and resources in amazing ways. Give a gift today by calling 888-333-6003 or by visiting livingontheedge.org. That's livingontheedge.org or call 888-333-6003.
App listeners, tap donate. We appreciate your generosity. Well, Chip, today you talked about creating a Mount Rushmore of people we can look up to and learn from. Unpack for us why this is a helpful exercise and maybe a place to start is sharing who those Mount Rushmore people are in your life. Well, Dave, one day it just dawned on me who are the people that really impacted my life. And I thought of Neil Lance, who was a coach in junior high and spent time with me and showed me what it meant to be a man. At a difficult time in my family, he was that strong man who believed in me. And then there was my sister, Punky, who it was her lifestyle of Christ-likeness that's so influenced.
I mean, a ton of times I could have gotten in real trouble. I didn't want to disappoint my older sister. She had that kind of life. The third person was a bricklayer that I've talked often about, Dave Marshall. He taught me how to be a man of God and how to date your wife and how to be a dad. I spent about seven years around him. He just so influenced my life. And then I went to seminary and there was Howard Hendricks, who basically taught me how to communicate and then became a mentor for about 30 years before he went home to be with the Lord. And then in the center of my Mount Rushmore, the person who's influenced me the most has been my wife, Theresa. And she just is like the most prayerful, high-integrity person.
And so here's the experience I want people to get. Who are the top three or four or even five people that have so influenced your life? And then just ponder, what was it about their life that influenced you the most?
And then you can do some thinking about, what are some gaps in your life? Who could I see that's farther down the road that would help me in my marriage or my parenting or my leadership? And that helped me to know who to pursue. And if you want to have an exciting time, you get in a small group and you let people share their Mount Rushmores, and then you come up with a game plan, and God changes us through people. Let me encourage you, pursue great people.
Good word, Chip. And let me say here at Living on the Edge, we believe community is essential to every Christian's faith. And a practical way to find and build those meaningful relationships is in a small group. So let me encourage you to visit livingontheedge.org and check out our library of study guides and resources. Whether you want to build a stronger marriage, better understand God's character, or biblically respond to our changing culture, we have something for you. Learn more by clicking the Store button at livingontheedge.org. Let us help you build some life-changing community today. We'll listen in next time as Chip wraps up his series, Good to Great in God's Eyes. Until then, this is Dave Druey saying thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge.
