Five Lies that Ruin Relationships - How Our Jobs Can Destroy Our Relationships, Part 2

Life is full of decisions. Many of you are going to make a major decision about work. Where are you going to work? What opportunity you're going to take? Are you going to relocate?

Are you going to change careers? You will make this decision and this decision will change the course of your life. Here's the question, how do you know if it's the right decision?

How do you make great decisions about work? Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Living on the Edge is an international discipleship ministry featuring the daily Bible teaching of Chip Ingram. I'm Dave Druey and we're in the middle of our series, Five Lies That Ruin Relationships, and today Chip gives us some practical advice for making the right choices, even when the decisions we face are tough or confusing.

But before we get started, if you're new to Living on the Edge or missed any part of this series, you can always catch up via the Chip Ingram app. If you have a Bible, turn now to James chapter 4 verse 13 for part 2 of Chip's message, how our jobs can destroy our relationships. I remember my friend, I told you I was going to tell you a story because at the time I was a very young pastor and although it was good news for the church, I thought the guy was nuts, Bill Carter. He was in his mid-50s at the time and he was at some sort of group that builds banks all over America and at the present time he had all the engineering responsibility east of the Mississippi. And an amazing guy actually self-taught and he had ended up with degrees in electrical and mechanical and about three or four different types of engineering and he was in charge of all the heating and air conditioning systems. All these banks that got built and so he did such a good job. They wanted to give him all of America, relocate him to the home office, huge salary increase, tremendous number of people reporting to him.

I mean four or five years in that job, I mean he's set, set, set for life. And so they gave him this opportunity and he came to me and as the pastor and he taught me not only how to be a pastor but he taught me how leaders respond to pastors and he said I want you to know that this opportunity's come and I feel like he had these little phrases. He said I feel like I need to take it before the Lord and so I got a business trip well I have three or four days I can fast I'm gonna be taking it before the Lord and would you pray with me Chip. And then when I get back I know I'll talk to Kay and we'll discern the will of God and I'll let you know because I know it's a critical time in the life of the church. And you know first of all I'm not around a lot of people who fast for three and four days about big decisions who really get you know it's not about me it's not about the job it's about what does God want me to do and so he does that and then he comes back and he said and this was another one of those little phrases he said Chip the Lord hasn't released me and I'm thinking you know I don't want to be stupid like like he's got a hold on you said no he hasn't released me and I said well he hasn't released you from what and he looked at me like hey dummy but was kind he said I signed up to be an elder here and I have a three-year term and we'll pray that through and ask about what the next term would be and as I got before the Lord he said my work's not done here and the average Christian I know it would be hey you know sorry guys you know I know the three-year term or I was supposed to do this or would you take me off the hook or and I'm not saying that there might be times where God might want to move people but here's a guy who takes his spiritual responsibility as being more important than the juiciest job opportunity in the world and he said the Lord told me my work's not done here little did he know I never dreamed you know I would leave that little church in Texas and end up in California and that just in the sovereignty of God you know he taught me I mean we did evangelism with him I did counseling with him I learned to speak the truth and love with him I saw him weep for lost people that he really cared about I I saw him take me to task as I got influenced by people and challenged me to have courage and speak the truth and love I mean this guy was like a mentor and and I think God kept him around for me because God had a plan I didn't know what it was but those kind of values are the difference between pastors that make a difference and pastors that don't and so I ended up going to California later and God chose to bless that into this really amazing church and then he has me doing what I'm doing now and I thought where would I be without Bill Carter and Bill fulfilled his and then are you ready he suddenly and tragically died of a heart attack massive heart attack at age 58 so all that extra money he would have made and all those people and all that position we're not gonna do anything in his glory years in retirement were they he just listened to the voice of God now please don't hear in any way we're not saying upwardly mobile opportunities are not the will of God I just think especially in American culture we unconsciously think don't we more money more territory bigger salary lower housing cost more opportunity nicer car company car stock options I mean it's almost like why pray about this one God I mean God wants me to be happy right he didn't ism God's laying this in my lap could it be could it be that we need to ask what would this do to my spiritual life what would this do to my family what responsibilities do I have before God how would this impact the education of my children what kind of friendships and where and how will this impact my wife what impact might this have on my marriage and if you weigh all those out and pray all those through God may say move from here to here but what James is saying is a lot of believers in that day just saw whoa dollar signs opportunity let's go and they assumed that things would be as they were predictable and they assumed that they were gonna live a long time and he says you're wrong on both counts your life that life is a vapor your life is a mist you should be like Psalm 90 Lord teach me to number my days Lord help me to present before you a heart of wisdom Lord show me what your will is and so again I love James inspired by this spirit he now turns after saying wait a minute and tells us the false assumptions now he shifts gears and says well if life is uncertain if life is short how should you go about making wise decisions with regard to work and then in the next few verses verses 15 to 17 he's gonna give us a clear explanation follow along as I read how do we make good decisions about our work he says okay in contrast instead literally the word is anti you know instead or anti over against what you just heard you ought to say if it's the Lord's will we will live and do this or do that as it is you boast and you brag and all such boasting is evil anyone then who knows the good circle the phrase the good because we'll come back to it if anyone knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it he sins and the word good here means morally excellent that which is praiseworthy that which is winsome that's that which does good things and great things and the lives and the hearts of other people I think out of this brief three verses God gives us four very clear axiomatic ways to make good decisions about work he gave us the prescription you ought to say if it's the Lord's will he gave us the reproof don't be boastful and arrogant about the future and then he gave us the warning if you know what's right to do it's good and don't do it it's sin and out of that passage I see four clear principles number one in making decisions about work number one make God's will the foundation for all decision-making just you know who knows the future God does who has your best interest in mind God does that's the part I think we don't believe would you jot in your notes Psalm 84 11 this is like one of my most I love this verse verses the Lord God is a son and a shield the Lord gives grace and glory no good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly God's for you know what he's not trying to keep you from a good job with lots of money and all the things you thinking to deliver the Lord God is a son unlimited resources the Lord is a shield your protector the Lord gives grace in other words stuff you don't deserve the Lord gives glory he wants to expand and multiply and be good to you he's your father no good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly when you get that then you say Lord you know I think a lot of us are afraid to pray we're gonna say Lord you want me to take this juicy wonderful opportunity and I'm afraid you're gonna say no so sorry didn't have time to hear you because we think we know what's best for us who knows if things are gonna stay the same who knows what's gonna change who knows what's best for us who knows what transitions our daughter our son our wives are gonna go through who knows that maybe if I'm single maybe I'm leaving and God has someone in this place instead of that I don't know but God does I came that you might have life Jesus said and have it abundantly so make God's will you know you say God I want your will more than any of my desires second I think under this is that commit and say to yourself regardless of the circumstances and the seeming can't miss opportunity I am going to do whatever you say there's got to be a commitment of the heart prior to the decision I was doing a little research and found out that in the old days on believers would write letters to one another and at the end of the letter they would just put in the olden days D period V period anybody know what that means it's a Latin phrase de o valente and they didn't mean it as a cliche you know what it meant it meant if the Lord wills see they would write a letter and they would talk about I'm gonna do this or I'm gonna do that I hope to come and see you and hope things are right that DV de o valente if the Lord wills in other words it's with an open hand I think that's making God's will the foundation now let me give you because I think this is important some very specific ways I think to make God's will the foundation of all your decision-making here's here's here's how when I have to find the will of God be willing to do whatever God wants you to do underneath that you might jot John 717 Jesus said to a group of people if any man is willing to do my will he'll know of the teaching whether it's of God or whether I speak for myself I think almost 90% of the will of God is getting my heart to the point where instead of trying to read into verses or read into counsel God I will do no matter what it is I will do whatever you want me to do the second way that at least for me to find God's will is to pray Matthew 7 7 seek and you'll find ask and you'll receive knock and it'll be open ask God Lord show me show me speak to me the third is God's Word Psalm 119 105 your word is a lamp into my feet it's a light into my path so often for me just I keep reading where I'm reading God you know it's a big decision Lord I don't know what to do I'm willing to do whatever I'm asking you and as I'm reading speak to me from your word so I'm gonna be willing I'm gonna pray I'm gonna get into the scriptures and number four wise counsel he who dwells with wise men will be wise but the companion of a fool will suffer harm that's Proverbs 13 20 so make make God's will the foundation and I think that's how you do it I'm willing to do it I'm asking I'm in your word and I'm gonna ask the people who know me best and who really walk with God what do you think of this opportunity and I'm not gonna do what they say it's in the multitude of counselors their safety I'm gonna weigh that the second principle that flows out of this to make good decisions about work is recognize the root cause of planning apart from God and that's in verse 16 as it is you boast and you brag literally you take pride in your arrogance I like the Phillips translation he says you get a certain pride as he translates this in yourself in planning for the future with such confidence and I think the key here is motive it's in pronouncing our plans or capabilities as a statement of faith this is what I believe the Lord wants me to do but actually when you get good at stuff I mean when you know you're good and by the way it's okay to be good at stuff God made you good at stuff but that's where you can get tripped up you're good at it and you know hey I've done this look what happened I've done this look what happened I've done this look what happened here's another opportunity I'm just gonna go do this and I can tell you I can tell you what's gonna happen cuz I built that I built that I built that and bang you know I was manager here director here supervisor here VP here and and when that great next juicy opportunity is there's something in the human heart and so I think we just need to be open and sensitive to the Lord God's will may be that's the next step God's will may be this is a test and you know Jesus has Jesus has these statements that are so hard to get around it's either me or mammon remember that one you can't worship it and me and so often upwardly mobile opportunities put us to the very test about what's the core value I remember when Bill Carter said no to that job I remember like coming home and talking to my wife and sort of telling the story and going I can't believe that it was so rare it was so unusual but really it was his spiritual priorities and relational priorities were higher than making more money why would I be shocked that a Christian thinks that way you know because I don't meet many Christians that think that way if Henry would have thought that way he would have an intact family if Henry would have thought that way his kids be still flourishing if Henry would have thought that way he'd be living in his own nice little house in rural Texas growing and changing and stopping the abuse and starting a new generation of people and instead living in a station wagon every upwardly mobile opportunity may not be God's will and that's the third principle from this passage don't buy the lie upwardly mobile work opportunities are automatically the will of God that's the lie we just we just think unconsciously often we don't even think upwardly mobile opportunity this this this it must be God's will and I would say do not buy the lie doesn't mean you shouldn't take them doesn't mean not to pray about them it doesn't mean that it's more spiritual to say no to those the other test may be God is stretching you God's given you capacity and you were here and the director here and the manager here and the supervisor here in the VP here and this is a new platform for ministry but you go there not because of look at who I am and how much I've gotten how much I'm gonna make you go there as a steward of the manifold grace of God this is a big responsibility this will mean major changes if you still have a family before I go I mean Bill you know what he did he flew out he visited a half a dozen churches said I didn't sense that I would have the kind of fellowship that I need for where I'm at in my life right now it doesn't mean that you don't take upwardly mobile opportunities but the lie is believing upwardly mobile opportunities are automatically slam dunk the will of God and what James is saying is they're not the fourth principle that flows out of this passage and making wise decisions about work is to act on your God-given dreams and impulses in verse 17 what's it say if anyone knows what the good is the blessing is the beautiful thing the praiseworthy the morally positive thing to do and knows that he ought to do it but doesn't do it he sins in verses 13 to 16 it's a sin of commission it's arrogant planning apart from God in verse 17 he warns us about the sin of omission and so I would ask you what is the good that God has prompted you to do what is the good that you think he might be saying hey see this passage pushes real hard on don't buy the lie upward mobility about your job but then not just with regard to the job this is sort of a summary statement this verse I think is summarizing where we've been in terms of the teaching of James is there anything in your life or anything in my life you say this is the good I ought to do I ought to teach that class I ought to mentor that young woman you know what my lands you know I've had a great job and he's talking about all this stuff and I got a 401k and a 701 K and a 1501 K and people have had all kind of problems and you know in my honest honest hearts of hearts I'd have to live about four lifetimes to spend all the money and I've hoarded my security and I you know what I had the vest and all the research I've done I've worked with a group called generous giving they've done research with people that extraordinarily wealthy and they can't give you one or two instances of leaving it to their children where it's worked out well and they have zero instances where millions and millions of dollars have done anything but totally corrupt and ruin their grandchildren and yet people have the stack of money I remember one guy saying well I mean this is how we all had that that little that little line that says well I'm gonna give over and above when I sort of this is okay and in probably years ago is when I have a million dollars and you know and I know you know and sort of net assets and things or in I'll be okay and then it got to be 10 million and then a hundred million and I actually had an encounter with someone said you know something I feel real free to give generously but it's kind of after you have one billion set aside I'm thinking dude how much steak can you eat in one day I mean you know you know huh and when I realized what is the good that we ought to do is it is it giving wildly and generously is it is it is it saying that you know maybe some of us and in those middle or more twilight years have more to offer and instead of figuring out how to lower your golf score quite so well that you invest your wisdom and your life and your gifts in the next generation I don't know what it is maybe it's taking a risk maybe it's stepping out what is the good what's the dream in your heart that God maybe has been kind of saying hmm that you ought to do and he says you know what this is an interesting definition of sin isn't it if you know what's right to do and don't do it it's sin and sin just means missing the mark and why does God not want us to miss the mark because he's a son and a shield he gives grace and glory no good thing does he withhold his plans for us are great why why is James reproving these entrepreneurs and business people from planning apart from God is because your plans and my plans and their plans apart from God will never land us in the best place he's a loving God think somehow we get this idea that all of God's rules and all of his commandments you know he's kind of just trying to keep us from something good his commandments are like the guard rails on a windy road where that if you go over the edge of the road you drop a thousand feet and die all those commands and all those guard rails you know what they're for they're to keep you on the road so that as you follow the road and get on the highway you get the highest and the best but what I will tell you is in the world that we live in you'll make a lot of tough decisions and you'll look very different than the average Christian when you make your plans not apart from God but surrendering them to God and I would guess a little bit from your faces and just a little bit from experience is there some people in this room that took some jobs years back and you look back now and and literally in your mind as I've been talking you thought boy I wonder why I took that I didn't think about whether to take that job or not and then one of your kids went through a rough time or that was let's see you took the job it was three years later it's when your divorce hit the company that looks so rock-solid and you got the big promotion and then stock options went down they hired a new CEO and they downsized and some of you in this room can think back to a job decision you made that you just think boy I wish I would have heard this about five years ago or ten and I think the danger is thinking there's no hope the danger is thinking and I did I took a job and I wouldn't I wouldn't say I was selfish and greedy I just kind of just did it just made sense and if you happen to be one of those people with lots of pain I want to ask you just to jot down two little chapters and I want to tell you a story because I want you to know that you can blow it big time make terrible decisions and even make them innocently and our God is a God of grace a God of hope and a God of restoration and jot down if you would just in the corner Genesis chapter 12 and 13 and you maybe can get a coke or a cup of coffee or tea or whatever you like and put your feet up and if you're in that situation and read it and the story is very simple there's a man who has a very important relationship with God and God calls him and he obeys him and he obeys him but there's an opportunity see you think about these kind of jobs and there's some difficulty and it wasn't like exactly a job but the economic conditions caused him to make a decision to go down into Egypt and then he got in the wrong place at the wrong time and so then that causes us to compromise our integrity and then he started telling some lies about his wife to protect his own skin and then if you know the story his wife ends up in Pharaoh's harem God disciplines and saves Abraham's wife out of that situation in Pharaoh is pretty hot you know what you find is he leaves Egypt and that's not a pretty time at Abraham's life he was a chicken okay he made a decision apart from God circumstances led him directly to economically try and handle what was happening instead of saying God you called me to this place I don't know how you're gonna provide for him but I'm gonna trust you instead he took a decision economically based then he began a whole journey of lies that almost ended him up completely in the ditch and it's really interesting that God is gracious to make him aware that it's a mistake and maybe that's what he did for you in this room and then in the end of chapter 13 as he moves out the beginning of chapter 14 you find him in a new land and God sets out some new borders and it says an Abraham built an altar to the Lord and he worshipped and I think at that altar Abraham had some I'm sorry that was not a good move and I think probably he and Sarah had a conversation I sure hope so about I'm sorry and it's interesting that when you track Abraham's life that wasn't the end he made a big mistake but in chapter 15 God actually renews that great covenant and God fulfills his promises even though he made a major major significant nearly fatal mistake about where to be and where to go based primarily on economics and you know I just like you to know that's how God will treat you and you don't have to live with regret you don't have to feel like all is lost there may be some pain and some consequences there were for Abraham and so I think what you need to do is just bow your head and if that's the case just say Lord I'm sorry and you know whether willfully consciously unconsciously I look back in my life and see that's happened and I I want you to not only forgive me I want a fresh start I want you to restore me and I want to be your man or your woman because who knows how many years you've given me I just talked to a guy who remarried at 70 and celebrated his 25th anniversary after his first wife died see we you know your faces tell me you're thinking you know who wants to get married at 70 we did but who he's got a 25 year anniversary you know what God wants so many people to live tonight he's in good health sharp as a tack you know God you know God may have a lot more years for you life is short but who knows so let's not live in regrets let's live about what God will do in the future Chipp will be right back with his application for this message how our jobs can destroy our relationships from his series five lies that ruin relationships in this ten-part series chip describes the common lies we tend to believe that can completely wreck our most treasured relationships you'll also uncover the source of our quarreling the ways words can deeply wound those we love and how not to make decisions discover the practical ways we can apply God's truth to confront and dispel these harmful lies if you've missed any part of the series or want to share it with a friend let me encourage you to check out the chip engra map well chips with me in studio now to share a quick thought thanks Dave I got a word for some of you parents out there and I want to ask you a question have you ever thought about what your kids are gonna be like someday I mean in your mind's eye right now like how will they act what will they do where will they live I mean what will life be like for them when they leave your home what I want you to know is that your aspirations and the hopes that you have for them they don't just have to be sort of dreams the fact of the matter is is that God wants to use you in their life right now you are still the major influence in their life and we have a resource right now that helps moms and dads guide their kids in a way to help them fulfill God's plan and what I can tell you is this is that when they fulfill God's plan they'll be happy you'll be both very happy and very relieved it's called intentional parenting and it comes from my friends Doug and Kathy fields and through their decades of parenting experience and working with young people they've come up with 10 crucial concepts to be intentional God honoring moms and dads to give their kids what they need I just want to tell you personally I've actually studied and written a book on parenting but what Doug and Kathy have put together is some of the best stuff I've ever seen and there's two ways to get it the first way is on these cards they're intentional parenting cards there's 43 of them that cover these 10 practices and it's just like in bite-sized little ways that remind you kind of on an ongoing basis how to invest in your kids the second is we have a five-part video series called intentional parenting that Doug teaches these are things you want to get your hands on if you want to make a difference in the lives of your kids thanks chip well if you'd like to get plugged in with the online course Doug teaches or our set of cards go to Living on the Edge org or call triple eight three three three six zero zero three make today the day you choose to be more deliberate about your calling as a parent or grandparent again to learn more about these intentional parenting resources go to Living on the Edge org or call triple eight three three three six zero zero three app listeners tap special offers well now here's chip with some final application as we close today's program decisions have huge emotional weight and emotional impact and for some I pray today was you know a flashing light at the at the crossroads and you're about to make a decision and you thought to yourself oh thank you God I'm gonna I'm gonna do it your way I'm not gonna make assumptions I'm gonna I'm gonna plan I'm gonna surrender I'm gonna really seek you and I pray today was just a great gift of grace that will help you make a great decision but my fear is that for some of you this is something that you're saying to yourself you know I already made the decision I bought the lie yes I'm upwardly mobile but that job or that decision or that passion cost me my marriage or a relationship with one of my kids and I'm sitting alone and tired and discouraged and afraid all I know is I bought the lie and God's Word is right I want you to know there's hope right now God is speaking to you to say step number one is let me forgive you was it wrong yes have you paid a price yes has God abandoned you absolutely not in your heart of hearts right where you at just confess Lord I'm gonna own this I'm sorry I misstepped I was wrong will you forgive me right now I need your son Jesus will you please come into my life right now I believe that he died on the cross for me I believe he rose from the dead and I want to surrender my life my future oh God I am bankrupt spiritually will you please help me God will hear that prayer and that will be the first step toward making the kind of decisions to rebuild your life you know in your own words right now wherever you're at just pray cry out to God the Bible is very clear those who call upon the name of the Lord will be saved find a good church that teaches the Bible this week and whoever you know that is the best Christian you know get on the phone in the next five minutes and say I just prayed to receive Christ I'm not sure what it means but I know I need help God wants to help you today to make the best decision you'll ever make for all eternity if you prayed with chip I hope you'll take a minute and call us at triple-eight three three three six zero zero three we'd love to talk with you and get a free resource in your hands it's called starting outright and it'll help you gain a clear biblical understanding of what it means to put your faith in Jesus request this resource by calling triple-eight three three three six zero zero three or visiting Living on the Edge org then clicking on the new believers button that's Living on the Edge org or call triple-eight three three three six zero zero three we'll be with us again next time and until then this is Dave Drewy saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge