Five Lies that Ruin Relationships - How Our Jobs Can Destroy Our Relationships, Part 1

Many of you right now are in the midst of pondering a new opportunity in your job. Maybe it's a new job that you need.

Maybe you got laid off. Perhaps you have someone that you know that is about to take a job that will take them away from everyone and everything that keeps them relationally connected. Before you change jobs or accept the job that you desperately need, listen to today.

God may have something very special to tell you before you do that. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. I'm Dave Druey, and the mission of these daily programs is to intentionally disciple Christians through the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram. Today we're continuing our series, Five Lies That Ruin Relationships, as Chip shares a word that's going to apply to all of us. But before he does, let me encourage you to use Chip's message notes while you listen. They include his brief outline and all the supporting scripture he references. To download this tool, go to the Broadcasts tab at livingontheedge.org.

Have listeners tap Fill in Notes. Well, with that, let's join Chip for his message, How Our Jobs Can Destroy Our Relationships, from James Chapter 4, verses 13 through 17. Five Lies That Ruin Relationships, we're on lie number three, How Our Jobs Can Destroy Our Relationships. I've got to tell you, it's a miracle story. This is a miracle story.

It is a true story, and it has a sad, sad ending and makes an amazing point. The very first pastor in Texas in a very small rural town, about 4,500 people, didn't even have a stoplight when we got there. We were in this little tiny white building about 10 miles outside of town. We started with about 35 people, and God blessed. Little by little, we grew in a real warm group.

We had probably grown to a couple hundred people and had remodeled an old high school. Then a fellow came into town. His name was Henry. Henry was next door neighbors to a seminary student that went to our church. He began to build a relationship with Henry. He said, I think God really wants to reach Henry. He said, would you go over with me?

Let's meet Henry. I've talked to him a couple times out in the yard, but let's just kind of visit. I remember coming to the door, knocking on it, drapes closed.

I mean, it's Texas, three or four in the afternoon, 102 degrees, bright, hot. I mean, the drapes are closed. I'm thinking, no one's here, and so we knock. I look at him.

He looks at me. I guess they're not home. Well, there's their car. We knock again. Make a very long story short, finally, we hear people talking, so someone's in there. It's like, why won't they answer the door? Finally, someone opens the door, and we walk in. I mean, it's dark. I mean, there's like one little light.

I mean, you talk about depressing. We walked in. We talked a little bit, made a relationship. He was very closed socially. His wife, I don't think, said an entire word.

Some kids kind of came out and looked behind. That was the beginning of a miracle in Henry's life. This is with permission. Henry is a very good friend. Henry and his wife both came from as dysfunctional, difficult, abusive backgrounds as your mind can ever imagine.

So sad. In great need, they met each other. When people who come from horrendous backgrounds meet one another and get married, apart from the Lord Jesus, they just reproduce exactly what they came out of. I wish I could tell you all that happened, but this is one of those great stories, the power of the body of Christ.

My seminary friend loved him and communicated with him. It took time. Little by little, they started coming to church. You can imagine, with those backgrounds, they didn't have the greatest social skills, walking in ways where they sent all the messages that you say, let's not get around those people. They got problems.

This church didn't do that. They loved them. People began to put their arms around his wife and care for her and began to invest in the kids.

People can come from terrible backgrounds. Henry was really smart. He worked at one of these places where they drill and die. But man, he could fix anything. Pretty soon, we had him working around the church.

Pretty soon, he's involved with some men. His kids had been through really difficult, difficult times. You just watched them come out of their shells.

This was awesome. Henry actually came to the point where there was a little house. Through some help with some people, we actually bought his own first house. He got involved in the life of the church.

It was as clear a picture from darkness to light as I've ever seen in my life. As Henry began to grow and get into the Scriptures and lead his family, the drapes were open. They built relationships.

It was like seeing a dead flower and then watching it just totally replanted and then start to produce fruit. Then Henry got a job offer because when God does things in your heart and life and things really get going better, well, pretty soon, Henry's changing and he has more confidence and he is a very, very bright guy. Pretty soon, they have him doing other things and he gets this juicy job offer two states away. It means more money. It means actually some people reporting to Henry.

It means, I mean, this is like, whoa. Henry prays about it about 30 seconds and decides that this is what he's going to do and he's heading out. We stopped and it was one of those times where you never want to thwart someone's good fortune and that God may really be working. I just sat down with Henry and he was now in a small group of men and we said, Henry, you need to think this through.

What do you mean? You need to think this through. What do you think this is going to do? It's been three and a half years. Your wife now has a friend for the first time in her life. Your daughter is in a school and some people are actually taking care of it. Your older daughter who's been a recluse is beginning now to open up and build some friendships and your son's doing well. You actually own a house and are making progress and I said, Henry, you've got a church that loves you and I just think before you say yes to this job, you ought to go check this out and is there a church that is going to accept you and love you and is there going to be education for your family? In other words, maybe a great job is not the only basis for relocating your whole family. He said, it will all be fine and he took the job and about four months later things did not work out and his family began to get back in the very dysfunctions that they'd experienced before. Within a year he had a very difficult time with his older daughter. Regression occurred with almost everyone and about two years later I remember my wife getting a call at home.

Henry and his family were homeless and living in their station wagon and he was in some state calling because he just had this connection with our family and would say, hey, I'm really struggling and I know you guys pray for us. Here's our situation, could you? And we're going to learn that sometimes we can make decisions about a job that might be a great job but that can destroy our relationships. There are some upwardly mobile vocational opportunities that because of the culture that we live in we can automatically assume I have this kind of job, now I can have this kind of job or this kind of opportunity and we automatically do it.

The only thing we think about is the value of the job and the perks and the benefits and sometimes we don't consider that we can actually make bad decisions about our jobs that ruin our relationships. Let's pick it up together. What we're going to do is we're going to get to listen in. James is going to allow us to be like little mouse in the corner or a microphone in the room in James chapter four verses 13 to 17 and there's a strategic planning meeting going on. The historical context is the Jews were just persecuted and they were sent out and there's synagogues everywhere and now the church is growing and the way the church grew is that it was to the Jew first and then also to the Greek so it went out and you notice Paul, he would always go to the synagogue first and so now as the church is growing and multiplying there were unbelievable financial opportunities and these people are business people and these people as the trade routes, you're going to learn there's a few words here that these are merchants, these are people that know how to start a business, see an opportunity, leverage the opportunity, make some plans and man we're going to hit it big.

You're listening as this is happening over Europe and Northern Africa, James is picking up and you're listening to a strategic planning session of two people and it says come now and literally it means whoa, wait a minute, wow, we've got an opportunity. You who say today or tomorrow we shall go to such and such a city and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit and so James goes wait a minute, come now, stop, reevaluate and that little phrase you who say, the word for say here means to you who have carefully researched and developed a logical plan, that's the word for say. It's just not casually oh you who say this, it's you who after thinking carefully about what you're going to do have come up with a plan, you say today or tomorrow we're going to go to such and such a city and we're going to spend a year literally it says we're going to do a year there and we're going to engage in business and we get our word for emporium, it's merchants, it's a ground floor opportunity man, look at this, we're going to get the first market share is what they're saying and we're going to make a profit. So notice what the business plan included, he chooses his time, it's very clear today or tomorrow. Second, he selects his location right in business, it's location, location, location right.

So he selects his location, he's got a map out and he says okay here's the opportunity, here's where we're going to go. Notice he limits his stay, he says we'll do a year, it's a ground floor opportunity, we're going to open another franchise in this area in this specific location. He defines his market, we're going to engage in business, here's our market, this is what we bring, here's the opportunity and finally he projects his profits. He's projecting cost, I have to believe there's a P and L statement somewhere, it's going to cost us so much to be here, here's the opportunity, here's what we're going to do. He has a very thorough business plan and so you say to yourself well what's the problem?

Sounds like a great opportunity, sounds like Henry's opportunity, man more money, better job, people reporting to you. He planned it, he thought it through, he examined the market, he set specific times, he has a specific goal, what's the problem? James is going to say inspired by the Holy Spirit here's the problem, the business plan excluded God.

The business plan excluded God. James is not prohibiting planning, the Bible is full of admonition that we should plan. He's not criticizing making a profit, the Bible's really clear, you know be shrewd, be wise with your money. What he's criticizing is this, arrogant presumption or leaving God out of our plans.

It's getting so excited about an opportunity of just immediately thinking well here's the opportunity, we can make money, it's upwardly mobile, bam, it must be God's will. That's what he's saying is you arrogantly have left God out of your job decision and your business planning. Notice what it says in Proverbs 16 three, commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed. Or Proverbs 16 nine, in his heart a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps. God wants us to plan but he wants our plans to flow out of a sensitive heart that says Lord I see a great opportunity, I want this filtered through your will, I want to hear your voice, I want to depend on you, what do you want me to do and is this the right job or the right promotion at the right time and in the right way. So it raises the question why is planning apart from God so dangerous? And in verse 14 James is going to teach us exactly why planning apart from God is so dangerous. Because what he's going to say in verse 14 is that bad decisions about work flow from some false assumptions.

Pick it up as I read verse 14. Why, he makes a statement, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. You know you got this big plan and you say you're going to go here, we're going to go for a year, we're going to open up this market, there's a franchise, there's a can't miss opportunity and James said whoa, whoa, whoa.

So when did you get your crystal ball? You don't even know what will happen tomorrow and then he asks a question, a big question and notice he doesn't ask about his job or his work, he says what is your life? So I mean what is the big ball of wax, what is your life when you think about it? And then in this translation it leaves out a little word in the original text there's the word gar, it means the word for and the reason what is your life he answers for, you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. See the biblical answer to what is your life is you are a shadow, you are a vapor.

The word for mist here was fog or smoke, it's the idea of fog coming up, it burns off by 10 a.m. I mean it's here and it's gone. Your life is transitory, your life is short, your life is unpredictable, your life is way different than you really think and out of this what you see is there's two false assumptions to planning apart from God. False assumption number one is that life is predictable, life is predictable, it's subtle. We tend to think as things have been so they will continue to be and when we buy the lie we set ourself up for disaster.

The truth is life is uncertain, the truth is life is very unpredictable and that we don't know what's going to happen. I was with a executive in a Silicon Valley and he became a member of our board for a period of time and he was in the upper level of the top two three guys at Cisco kind of in their heyday when they were the largest company and not that they're not in their heyday but that was when they were just acquiring, acquiring, merging, merging. We were sitting on a plane because he joined the board and became a good friend and a counselor because I'm not good on the business side and my theory is do what you're supposed to do and get really smart, capable, intelligent, wise people to figure out all the stuff that you're really dumb at and so I would ask him all the questions about how do we do these things. It was interesting, there was a copy of Forbes and it had the top 40 wealthiest men on it and it was an old magazine, you know how on planes they kind of get stuck and so this one was almost a year old and we pulled out a Forbes magazine and he because of his life and relationship either knew or aware of most of the top 40 and he said you know what Chip let me tell you about, here you talk about here's the problem in business and he pulls out a pen like this and he took that and he goes like this and I mean it was like see that guy he's broke, he's broke, he's tough, what? He's broke, they went completely under, you know. A year ago, can you imagine in one year being one of the 40 wealthiest people in America and 12 months later being I mean either broke or he said actually and then he started to explain stuff about how you can make a bunch of money and on paper it looks like this and you have to pay taxes on what the, is on the paper but you don't really get all the money so when you go broke you actually now have to pay taxes on all this theoretical money.

He said they're worse than broke, he said now they got debts there's no way out of. I thought wow that's interesting. See we think things are going to be as they are, it'll be the same. We think life's predictable it's subtle.

I came across an article that talks about how unpredictable and how dangerous it is to plan apart from God. It says Decca Records controlled the American music industry for decades. Their ear for talent was unmatched.

Now this is a little nostalgic historic here. As a result they owned the giants of the time, Judy Garland, Bing Crosby, Louis Armstrong, Peggy Lee, Buddy Holly were just a few of the stars in their vast universe of talent. Then they acquired Universal Pictures and MCA. Decca Records was positioned to be absolutely unstoppable. But in 1962 after their talent scouts reviewed a group of mop heads from Liverpool named the Beatles, Decca said, we don't like their sound and besides guitar music is on the way out. Ten years later the Decca record label disappeared. Article goes on, economist Irving Fisher in October, this is great, of 1929 leading economist said the stock market has reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.

Just a few months later a deafening crash was heard throughout America as Wall Street collapsed. Final aspect of this, in 1942 Thomas J. Watson, chairman of IBM said, there is a market for about five computers in the entire world. There is no reason to risk our current success on such a limited venture. False assumption number one of why it's so dangerous to plan apart from God is we think life is predictable. Life is not predictable. The only guarantee is change.

So you got to ask God, what do you want me to do? False assumption number two is that life is long. Not only is it predictable, it's going to stay the way it is, but I'm going to live a long time.

We unconsciously think other people have car wrecks, plane crashes and cancer, unexplained tragedy. I'm going to live long so I have plenty of time to do whatever really is important later. Remember the parable Jesus told in Luke chapter 12 of the man who prosperity got so big he said, you know the only thing I can figure out to do is I'm going to tear down all these barns and I'm going to dig bigger and bigger bigger barns and I'm going to store and store and store and hoard and hoard and hoard and I'm going to eat, drink and be merry because wow, I've got it made.

I'm going to quote live forever emotionally. That's how they think. Remember how Jesus ends that parable? You fool. You fool.

This very night your life will be quiet with you. See life, we plan as though, you know those mortuary tables and they say, you know, you're this old and you're going to live to this. Those are tables. Those aren't real people.

Okay? That means there are some percentages and insurance companies kind of figure those out, but you know, how many people you think before the hurricanes that have happened and the tsunamis that have happened, what do you think that did to the mortality tables? I was in India six days after the tsunami hit and I remember talking with the people and it was an area that just got the fringe of the tsunami and I talked with the person there and we were right here and the beach was right there. He said six days ago on a Sunday morning people, about 160 people were just walking and taking a walk on the beach and they heard an unusual sound and so actually most people went closer to the water to figure out what this unusual sound was and he said in a matter, it just went, 160 people gone. I mean, regular people like you and me kissed their wife or said, hey, you know, our daughter and I, we're going to go take a little walk or, you know, it's Sunday morning, why don't we just, and they thought they were going to come back home. You know, people on the 66th floor of the towers at 9-11, I mean, they left voice messages, they had plans for dinner, they had plans for lunch, they had met with their financial counselors to talk about where they'd be 5, 10, 15 years.

The thing is, no one thought a plane's going to hit a building. Life is short and when we make job decisions apart from God and we somehow think that the economy and things and people and structures are going to stay the same and somehow that we're this exception and that our life is going to be whatever the table is and, you know, 70 for most people, 80 for some, I bet I'm an 84, you know, I'm the big exception and we never intellectually do that but we act as though that is true. He says you get in trouble. Chip will be back in just a minute with his application. You've been listening to the first part of his message, How Our Jobs Can Destroy Our Relationships from his series Five Lies That Ruin Relationships. Are you in the middle of a messy family situation or a painful relationship and wonder how did it come to this?

Are you desperate to make it all right? Well, in this series, Chip's in the book of James unpacking for us five false ideas we believe about ourselves and others that can destroy our relationships. Don't miss what you can do to fix those broken bonds in your family and friendships today. To learn more about this series, Five Lies That Ruin Relationships, go to livingontheedge.org, the Chip Ingram app, or call 888-333-6003. Well, Chip joins me in studio now and Chip, I can see you have something really important you'd like to ask the Living on the Edge family.

Thanks, Dave. I want to share an important request with you. If Living on the Edge is ministering to you, would you consider returning the favor? If you've been listening but haven't yet become a financial partner with Living on the Edge, would you prayerfully consider sending a gift today?

If you've given but could do it monthly, I can't tell you it would make a huge difference. If we all pitched in, it would just make an incredible difference in terms of what we can do here to reach and care for more people. Thanks so much for all that you do, and thanks for just praying and doing whatever God shows you to do, and we will receive it with great gratitude. Well, as you prayerfully consider your role with this ministry, I want to remind you that every gift is significant.

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We'll hear again as Chip to share his application for this message. In the passage today, what we saw was that we make bad decisions because we have bad thinking, because behind our bad thinking we have false presuppositions, or literally bad theology. We unconsciously think that life is predictable. We unconsciously believe that life is long. And what God is saying, you need to live wisely, and you need to live with the end in mind.

I, with permission, shared that story about Henry, and it's a tragic one, but I don't want to see that repeated across America. You don't have to have that happen to you, but the long-term solution is being a Christian that lives like a Christian. We call it an R-12 Christian. May I encourage you to begin a discipleship pathway of understanding what it looks like to surrender to God, what it looks like to live separate from the world, how to discover a sober self-assessment, who God made you, and what your strengths and weaknesses are, and then how to respond and be involved in an authentic community where you get strength and power. When you become that kind of Christian, I will tell you this, you'll make great decisions. Dig deep and draw near to God, and here's the promise. He'll draw near to you. You may, two years from now, look back, and you will rejoice at what God has done in you and through you.

So take that first step right now today. Thanks, Chip. Well, if you'd like to develop a deeper relationship with Jesus, check out Chip's book, True Spirituality, Becoming a Romans 12 Christian. Through this resource, you'll discover a clear blueprint to become a genuine follower of Christ. Order yours today by going to SpecialOffers at LivingOnTheEdge.org or on the Chip Ingram app. Be with us again next time as Chip continues his series, Five Lies That Ruin Relationships. Until then, this is Dave Drouy saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.