God's Wisdom for Building Great Relationships - Knowing God is the Prerequisite to Loving Others, Part 1

The Scripture commands us to accept one another, just as God in Christ also has accepted us. Well, I don't know about you, but I have a few people in my life that are pretty hard to accept. What's the solution?

How do you do that? That's today. Stay with me. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Living on the Edge is an international discipleship ministry motivating Christians to live like Christians.

I'm Dave Drewy. And for the next two programs, we're going to highlight a message from one of Chip's more timely series called God's Wisdom for Building Great Relationships. It's safe to say we all want that, but the question is, how do we make it happen? In the complete series, Chip walks through eight crucial principles that help us create solid and lasting relationships. And for now, we're just going to focus on one key lesson, knowing who God truly is.

And as Chip's going to suggest, until we do that, we won't be able to genuinely love people as Jesus did. But before we get started, if this is your first time listening to Living on the Edge, or you just want to learn more about what we do, go to livingontheedge.org. There you'll find tons of resources on a wide range of topics and countless programs to enjoy. Or if you prefer, the Chip Ingram app is also a great way to get plugged in with our ministry.

Okay, with all that said, here's Chip with his talk. Now I'm going to give you the fifth principle, at least of all the things I've learned over the years about making relationships work is this. Knowing God as He is, is the prerequisite for loving others as they are. Knowing not what you think God is like, but actually knowing, encountering God as He really is, is the prerequisite to loving other people as they are. In fact, there's a couple principles built in that if you think about it. And what you realize is, well, wait a second, that means the premise is the goal is actually to love people as they are.

You mean I'm not supposed to fix them first? You mean the goal is not to get everybody lined up and acting and behaving in ways that make me happy and make my life work? That I'm actually just supposed to be an instrument and I love them as they are? That doesn't mean I approve of their behavior.

That doesn't mean I always like it. It doesn't mean I just say that attitude doesn't matter, but I am going to love them exactly the way God loves me. See, it's the kindness of the Lord that leads to repentance. When God wanted to fix the human race after the coup, He didn't come in and try and put external restraints.

Let's see, I'll make Him do this and I'll make Him do that and this happens. Romans 12, 2 says it is the kindness of the Lord. It is the goodness of the Lord. It's God's grace, His unconditional love that sometimes brings consequences to behavior, but the motivation ever when you see God for who He is, is a heart of acceptance, a heart of love, a heart of goodness, a heart of desire to bring people to Himself so they can enjoy the highest and the best and the deepest relationship possible. And believe it or not, bringing about change in a relationship is not about fixing people. It's learning how to love them as they are. And see, you know what, some of the behaviors might look the same as a parent, you provide some consequences, but you know it's a lot different being inwardly angry at one of your kids and sick and tired of that behavior and I'm going to fix them and if they do that I'm going to do this and we're going to get this straightened out.

Or punishing a mate because of their lack of attention or lack of responsiveness. It's a lot different than saying, you know, I really love this person and that behavior, that attitude I need to address, but I'm going to address it with tenderness around this person's heart and what I want them to feel and know down deep in their soul, even when I have to have love that is not very pleasant for them to experience, I want them to know that I'm for them and that I care about them and I want to pass on this unconditional grace and goodness and acceptance that God's given to me. But see, as we learned last time, you can't impart what you don't possess. And so knowing God as He is, is the prerequisite to loving others as they are. And when you love others as they are, the way God loves you, can I tell you something amazing? Repentance occurs. You know what the literal meaning of the word repentance, metanoia, change of the mind.

It means people have a change of mind. They think differently about God after that. They think differently about you. They think differently about themselves. The disciples had a big problem with seeing God for who He is.

We all do, but every culture has kind of false views of God that send people down religious trails that often are not like God at all. And as you study the New Testament and you walk, you know, in the sandals of those disciples and, you know, you observe how they think about Jesus and the questions they ask. It's interesting, I can only find one thing they ever asked Jesus to teach them in the New Testament. It's how to pray. I mean, you would think they would say, Lord, would you teach us how to preach or could you teach us how to bring fire down from the sky or, you know, we want to be hotshots and everything. And Lord, teach us to pray.

Why? They grew up in a religious system as little Jewish boys in the synagogue where they knew reams and reams by memory of the Old Testament. They grew up in a system where a very high official would wear ornate robes and have all these passages and would go on the street corner and say word after word after word of long prayers citing multiple passages and they thought that was spiritual. And then they walked around with Jesus. And when He was praying, it was like it was a real person and it wasn't like He was trying to twist God's arm to get God to do something. And there wasn't an ought to or a got to, but when they were around Jesus, there was a sense of life and enmity and He is experiencing something that we've never seen before. And so in Luke chapter 11, they actually, as you get the idea from the text, they're listening to Him finishing up His prayers and then one of them kind of raises His hand and says, Lord, would you teach us to pray?

And all they know is the forms. They were taught all these religious forms and they said, you know, the Pharisees, they have religious forms. There's a prayer you say in the morning, there's a prayer you say in the evening, there's this kind of prayer for this situation and you wrote, memorized those. And John the Baptist, he taught his guys some forms. So Jesus, will you give us a formula?

Will you tell us what are the right words to say and how to say it? You pick up the story in Luke 11. Why don't you open your Bibles there if you're not there already. And in verse one, it says that it came about while He was praying in a certain place after He had finished, one of His disciples said to Him, Lord, teach us to pray just as John also taught his disciples. And so Jesus, understanding their mindset, what you're going to see is He'll give them a formula.

And it's the right formula. It's the right pattern of prayer. And He doesn't say just even pray this way. He says, say these words.

So here's the formula. But what He's going to do after He gives them the formula, what we call the Lord's Prayer, is then He's going to give them a negative example. And then the truth of how to really pray and why. And then He's going to give them a positive example. And He's going to take the negative example and the positive example sandwiched in between this command about how to relate to God. But all He's really going to share is the problem is not with your form. The problem is not how long you pray. The problem isn't so much the actual words.

He's going to teach them. Your problem is you don't see the Father for what He's like. You think the Father is hard to please. You think God is angry with you most of the time. You think His arms are crossed and toe tapping and He has a bony finger saying, yeah, hey, you should have been praying longer. And why are you here now? And why are you asking for this?

Because last week you did that. And what Jesus is going to teach them is the problem in their prayers is not a formula. He's going to teach Him they need to see the Father completely differently.

And I would suggest that the way the disciples loved people as they were was because they learned to see the Father as He is. Let's pick up the formula. I'm not going to spend a lot of time here because you've heard it many times.

But let's just, the overview. So He says to them, when you pray, say, Father, hallowed be thy name. But He turns the tables already.

Wait a second. Father, it's the Aramaic word Abba. It's the word of a two or three year old boy who would tug on his daddy's robe to say, will you pick me up?

Abba, intimacy. Their view of God was He's transcendent. He's powerful. He's the God who split the Red Sea.

But they missed His intimacy. And the first thing Jesus says is when you see Him, He's an available, loving Abba Father. And the balance is, and holy is His name. He is the God who filled the temple of Isaiah. Holy, holy, holy. But He's transcendent.

But He's approachable and intimate, like your own dad. Then He goes on to say to them, thy kingdom come. And then in another gospel, your will be done. When you pray, come to God knowing He's an intimate Father and come with great reverence. And then get His agenda on the table first before you get yours. God, I want your will to get done. I want your rulership and the way you want life to occur in the world that I'm in. And then make sure you pray for your specific needs.

It's not bad or unspiritual. Give us this day our daily bread. God, I've got needs. I've got material needs. I've got relational needs. I've got financial needs.

I've got work needs. He says, you bring those to Him. And then notice He says, but understanding there's this relationship as you bring your needs between your relationship with others and your relationship with the Father. So He goes on to say, and forgive us our sins as we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us. Don't think that you can have this little silo of disconnected relationship with God as you have hate and unforgiveness in your heart toward others.

That's why intimate praying with the Father is always a cleansing experience. It always forces us to do a little evaluation of where is my heart with other people because I've got to get this right before God says we can make that right. And then He says it's a hostile world.

It's a fallen world. There is an enemy and this enemy wants to literally destroy your soul and destroy your marriage and destroy your life. And so ask specifically, lead us not into temptation. And as the other gospels will writers will say, but deliver us from evil. And literally it's from the evil one for yours is the Kingdom and the power and the glory. And so He tells them, come to God. It's intimate and yet He's holy. Get His agenda on the table.

Ask specifically for your needs. Then deal with any relational issues of unforgiveness so you can appropriate that. Ask for His protection. And then now notice what He does. He just He tells a story. Lord, teach us to pray story. Negative example.

Truth positive example. By the way, often Judaism teaching, He would do that. They would couch two things and in the middle was the core truth. Let's pick up the story. He goes on to say to them, suppose one of you have a friend and you go out to him at midnight and you say to him, friend, lend me three loaves.

The idea, three loaves of bread. For a friend of mine has come to me on a journey and I have nothing to set before him. And from inside the house, he shall answer and say, do not bother me. The door has already been shut and my children and I are in bed.

I cannot get up and give you anything. Very common situation and historically and culturally you need to understand when someone would come from out of town, hospitality is not like we think of it today. Like, you know, I'd really like to put you up for the night, but we're really busy and you know, the kids are already in bed and you know, maybe there's a Motel 6 or something you could get. Sorry. No, no, no, no, no.

There was an absolute obligation in this culture when someone came to stay with you, you had to provide for them. So this is not like there's a plan B. This is like, you know, I got a problem. I need to put these people up, but I don't have any food. And so he goes to a friend and he says, hey, will you give me three loaves? And the friend goes, hey, I'm in bed.

Forget it. Notice how then Jesus develops the story. I tell you, even though verse 8, he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend yet because of his persistence, he will get up and give him as much as he needs. Will you underline the word persistence in your Bible? Literally the word is shamelessness or without shame. It's used in multiple places in the New Testament and has the idea without shame or boldness. And it can be mean persistence or it can mean just literally without shame, which I think I'll explain in a minute is the very clear meaning of this text. Before we dig in, let's, let's jump to then what's he going to say?

I tell you, he won't get up because of it because of your shamelessness. And then verse 9, and I say to you, here's the application. Ask and you will receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be open to you. For everyone who asks receives, here's what prayer is all about, and he who seeks finds and the one who knocks will be open. This is real simple guys. You ask, you're going to receive, you seek, you're going to find, you're not going to be open.

This is just clear cut. Then notice he tells another story. He goes on to say, now suppose one of your fathers is asked by his son for a fish. He will not give him a snake instead of the fish, will he? Or if he asks for an egg, he won't give him a scorpion, will he? And then here's the clincher. If you then being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your heavenly father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask? Now you're saying to yourself, maybe Chip, where are you getting this that they have a wrong view of God?

I remember the very first pastorate I was in, I was there maybe nine months, year, year and a half at the most, didn't know this fellow very well. I came in from out of town and we had this really old car and we really upgraded to this little tiny Subaru wagon that I could get all my kids in. And I came in out of town and it's when it starts to rain and it hasn't rained for a long time, the oil from the pavement and the dust. And I mean, it is just like ice like this. And so I'm coming out of Dallas and there's one of those big loops and that is going to send me on the freeway toward my house. And I, you know, everyone is careful.

It's real slick. And so everyone's going like 12, 15 miles an hour. And then in front of me, there's this bus that just starts swimming around like this and hits it into a car. And it's like being in a movie in slow motion.

It's coming, it's coming. So I, I've hit the break a little bit and that doesn't work. So he hits me and I go into the guard rail, then I'm spinning around in my car like this. I felt like this and I, you know, boom, boom, I'm glad I was going 10, 12, 15 miles an hour.

And so pretty soon you look around and there's all these cars all messed up and it's like two in the morning. Well, I can't call Teresa. One, she doesn't have a car because we have one car. And number two, you know, I got three kids and they're small and I don't know many people in this church. Who, who am I going to ask? And so I thought, well, who's the person here?

You ready? Think of you. If this was you, who's the person that you could call at two 30 in the morning that would not get angry, right? And so I called a man named AC and I was meeting with him every, I think Wednesday or Thursday morning and we would memorize some verses together and keep each other accountable. And my sense was that he really cared about me, but there's one thing to meet with a person, have a little Bible study and be kind of casual friends.

And I didn't have any family in town. And it's different to wake someone up at two 30 in the morning and say, Hey, excuse me, could you get up out of bed, drive about 40 miles, help me get a tow truck and solve my life's problems? Well, I called him and I could hear in his voice, you know, obviously with groggy, but he was, he got up, he came, helped me get a tow truck.

We drove back together. And that man actually became not only a mentor and a father figure for the last 30 years. Here's what I want you to see what Jesus was saying. Jesus was saying, you know, when I called him, I believed I was shameless. I believed he would actually help me. I believed he was a good man. I believe he cared about me and would be so generous that I would not get, Hey, you know, chip, I'm glad you're the new pastor, but it's two 30 in the morning. I hope you have someone who's a better friend than me.

Good night. Chip will be back in just a minute with his application. You've been listening to the first part of his message. Knowing God as he is, is the prerequisite to loving others. Relationships are tough because each person has their own expectations, behaviors, insecurities, habits, and beliefs. So how can we find common ground and build a lasting bond with people we care about? Well, in this series, Chip reflects on what he's learned about relationships throughout his life and shares insightful wisdom from scripture for how you and I can create meaningful connections with others. To learn more about this entire series, God's wisdom for building great relationships, go to livingontheedge.org, the Chip Ingram app, or call 888-333-6003.

Well, Chip's joined me in studio now and Chip, toward the end of your message today, you talked about how a close friend helped you in a time of need. You know, it got me thinking, Living on the Edge is that helping hand for a lot of people too. So before we go on, would you take just a minute and share some examples of what this ministry is doing to encourage people?

I'd be glad to, Dave. One of the great joys of my life is the letters, emails, Facebook messages that I get from people literally all around the country and all around the world, and they tell me these amazing stories of how Living on the Edge has been a tool used by God to change their life. Maybe you're one of those people that have really been impacted by the ministry. I mean, I hear from people from every age, profession, background, every person imaginable, and what I hear is this same constant drumbeat of, God spoke to me, I took a step of faith, now God's using me. And what I want you to know is that that's the heart of our ministry. We want to put teaching and tools and small group materials and downloadable things that we actually give away to help people not just live like Christians but be ambassadors and agents of change and grace in their homes, their schools, and their workplaces.

And if you're one of those people that God has impacted you and actually you're impacting others because of Living on the Edge, I have a very specific request. Would you consider becoming a monthly financial partner? And of course, it helps us practically, no doubt about it.

It would really help us to know that X amount of dollars are coming in from a monthly partner. But literally, even more than that, it's about a group of people saying, we want to be a part of this mission to make a difference in the crazy world that we're living in. We want to make an impact, and we want to make an impact with you all. God's spoken to us.

God's changed us. We want to help you help others. And so here's my request today. Would you pray and just simply say, Lord, if this is part of your desire for me to partner with Living on the Edge on a monthly basis, will you show me and then show me what that looks like and how much? And what I will say is whatever amount that is, it's perfect, whatever God shows you.

But what I long to see is people who partner that are on the team, a part of the family, and we make a difference together each and every day. Thank you in advance for doing whatever God shows you to do. Thanks, Chip. What a great encouragement. Well, if you want to be a part of Ministering to Believers all across the world, I hope you'll prayerfully consider becoming a monthly partner with Living on the Edge.

Your gift will go places and accomplish ministry work like you wouldn't believe. So let me encourage you to set up a recurring donation today at livingontheedge.org or via the Chip Ingram app. Or if it's easier, text the word donate to 741-41.

It's that easy. That's donate to 741-41. On behalf of Chip and the entire staff here, thank you for your prayers and financial support.

Well, now here's Chip with his final application. As we close today's program, I hope you picked up on the fact that we're talking about a faith relationship, an intimate relationship with God, not a formula. And we're going to talk a lot more about this in our next broadcast. But for today, Jesus was teaching his disciples, and he wants us to realize that our perception of who he is will determine how we respond to him. He says what prayer really is about is understanding the heart of the Father. It's about the how much more God.

It's not a transaction. It's not some little game that you play of if you pray so long or say certain words, then these things happen. And what I would say to you in that little definition that I gave in the teaching of prayer is nothing more or nothing less than simply keeping company with God. But I would remind you it's keeping company with the how much more God. And the application I would give you today is simply to bring your needs and your struggles and your hurts to him. I mean, forget all the if I do this or if I do that, and just say, Lord, this is where I hurt. Lord, this is my pain.

Lord, this is my frustration. It's interesting that when Hannah, it says she was pouring out her heart to God, and the Lord heard her prayer. It was David when he came back and his family was gone and the raid had come, and he just cried out to God in his desperation. God met him. What I want you to know is that the God of the Bible, the Creator of all that there is, is personal and caring and longs to help you. And the way to connect with him is not some formula.

It's to lay your heart bare, share what's really going on. And in our next broadcast, we're going to talk about how to experience the how much more God. As we close, you know, a great way to get plugged in with our resources here at Living on the Edge is through the Chip Ingram app. There you can listen to past series, sign up for daily discipleship, and much more. Let us help you experience God in a new personal way, starting today with the Chip Ingram app. Well, until next time, this is Dave Druey saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.