God's Wisdom for Building Great Relationships - Knowing God is the Prerequisite to Loving Others, Part 2

For years, there were two words that seemed to always go together in my life, prayer and guilt.

No matter how long or how hard I tried to pray, I never felt like I measured up. That's until God showed me what I'm going to share with you today. You don't want to miss it.

Stay with me. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. I'm Dave Drewy and Chip's our Bible teacher for this international discipleship ministry focused on helping Christians live like Christians. Well, in just a minute, you'll hear the second half of Chip's talk that we've been highlighting from his series, God's Wisdom for Building Great Relationships. But before we begin, let me encourage you to try using Chip's message notes while you listen. They contain his outline, scripture references and much more. Chip's notes will really help you remember what you hear and maybe even share what you're learning.

To download these message notes, go to the broadcasts tab at livingontheedge.org, atlasnursetap, fill in notes. Let's join Chip now for part two of his message, Knowing God as He is, is the prerequisite to loving others as they are. I remember the very first pastorate I was in, I was there maybe nine months, a year, year and a half at the most.

Didn't know this fellow very well. I came in from out of town and we had this really old car and we really upgraded to this little tiny Subaru wagon that I could get all my kids in. And I came in out of town and it's when it starts to rain and it hasn't rained for a long time, the oil from the pavement and the dust. And I mean, it is just like ice like this. And so I'm coming out of Dallas and there's one of those big loops and that is going to send me on the freeway toward my house. And I, you know, everyone is careful.

It's real slick. And so everyone's going like 12, 15 miles an hour. And then in front of me, there's this bus that just starts swimming around like this and hits it into a car. It's like being in a movie in slow motion. It's coming.

It's coming. So I, I've hit the break a little bit and that doesn't work. So he hits me and I go into the guardrail that I'm spinning around in my car like this. I felt like this and, you know, boom, boom, I'm glad I was going 10, 12, 15 miles an hour.

And so pretty soon you look around and there's all these cars all messed up and it's like two in the morning. Well, I can't call Teresa. One, she doesn't have a car because we have one car. And number two, you know, I got three kids and they're small and I don't know many people in this church. Who am I going to ask? And so I thought, well, who's the person here?

You ready? Think of you. If this was you, who's the person that you could call at two 30 in the morning that would not get angry, right? And so I called a man named AC and I was meeting with him every, I think Wednesday or Thursday morning and we would memorize some verses together and keep each other accountable. And my sense was that he really cared about me. But there's one thing to meet with a person, have a little Bible study and be kind of casual friends and I didn't have any family in town.

And it's different to wake someone up at two 30 in the morning and say, hey, excuse me, could you get up out of bed, drive about 40 miles, help me get a tow truck and solve my life's problems? Well, I called him and I could hear in his voice, you know, obviously with groggy, but he was, he got up, he came, helped me get a tow truck. We drove back together and that man actually became not only a mentor and a father figure for the last 30 years. Here's what I want you to see what Jesus was saying.

Jesus was saying, you know, when I called him, I believed I was shameless. I believed that he would actually help me. I believed he was a good man. I believed he cared about me and would be so generous that I would not get, hey, you know, Chip, I'm glad you're the new pastor, but it's two 30 in the morning. I hope you have someone who's a better friend than me. Good night.

In fact, can I flip it on you? Can you think of someone, you don't have to come up with a name, but someone who's kind of an acquaintance, maybe someone at work. You've just kind of met him at church and you have a casual relationship. You've exchanged phone numbers and they seem to be drawn to you and you don't really understand why. You've tried to be kind, but in your heart of hearts, you're like an acquaintance, right?

Nice guy. It's two 30 in the morning. You get a call and they say your name and you go, who is this? And they tell you your name and you're thinking, you're trying to get a picture. Oh yeah. Okay.

This is this guy. And they begin to say, you know, I'm this jam and my car's broken down. I don't have AAA.

I know it's about 35 miles outside of Atlanta. Is there any way that you could come and help me? See, they're shameless. And what you realize is in your heart of hearts, at least for me at times, I've had those experiences where I think we're pretty good friends, but I don't think we're this good a friend. You understand what I'm saying? But then your option, I mean, it's sincere.

So you're going to say, you know what? I am not a very good person. You obviously would only call someone. I mean, who would you call two 30 in the morning? You're not going to get open the phone book, go, Hmm. You know, you're going to call someone that you believe is good, who is kind, who would respond and wants to help you.

And so when you get that call two 30 in the morning, your reaction is, Whoa, um, you know, I didn't realize he thought this much of me. You know, I'm not this good of a person. I'm really not that kind.

And so I really can't come. Is that what you're going to do? What are you going to do?

You're going to go, wow, this person must really think I'm a lot better Christian than I am because I don't really want to go, right? Do you see what Jesus is teaching the disciples? The man will get up out of bed because the only person you would call in the middle of the night is someone that your view of them is they are kind and they are good and they are generous. And so he's shameless.

Of course I would ask this man because this is the kind of man he is. And what he's trying to teach the disciples is it's not how long you pray. It's not all the different words you use. If when you and could see God as kind and generous and easy to please and not condemning, when you come in your crisis and your need, you won't get a God whose arms are folded. Their view of prayer was, let's see now, I've seen the Pharisees do it.

If you do it for 45 minutes and then take a break and then another 45 minutes and if you say these certain words over and over and over and over, maybe somehow, someday I can twist God's arm because he doesn't really care about me and I can get him to answer my prayer. A total performance works orientation and a completely warped view of God. And the reason I believe they asked Jesus to teach us to pray, because I think when they would overhear Jesus, they wouldn't see performance. They would see someone who was coming to a Heavenly Father that whenever there was crisis or need or pain, Jesus went to the safest place in the world. Jesus went where he knew he was accepted 100% of the time. Jesus went to someone who had unlimited resources, who was not hard to please. He didn't have to work to earn or gain or merit his favor. He was a God of loving, kindness and grace regardless of where we've been and what we've done. That is why he had that intimate prayer life. And when the disciples say teach us to pray, instead of, look how many verses, how many verses, how many actual words does he use in this text to teach him to pray? 35?

Maybe 45? And how much time does he spend explaining, suppose a man and then ask, seek, knock. Of course you just ask. When you ask someone who loves you, who's kind, who's generous, who wants to help you, you just ask, well how do you receive?

Well you're not sure what to do. Well you just seek and you ask this kind of God, what are you going to find? If you knock and you're not sure about this or that, he'll always open the door. You see, until you know God as he really is, it's impossible to love others as they are. Because we have this idea that God really is very hard to please. That he's really down on us most of the time. And we think God is trying to fix us like we're trying to fix everybody else.

And the scripture says it is the kindness of God that leads to change. It's his graciousness. And just in case they didn't get it, he goes okay okay, look guys, how many of you as human fathers, your eight year old runs up to you, your nine year old little girl runs up to you, daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy, oh daddy yes, could I have a piece of bread? And you say yes, just a minute, I have it in a bag. And you take the bag and inside the bag you, ah there's a snake, ah. Or daddy daddy daddy, could I have an egg, I'm so hungry, oh I haven't eaten in a long time, yes yes yes.

And you have a little bowl with a lid on it, you go yeah here's the egg, ah it's a scorpion. Do you understand his logic? He says you being evil fathers would never ever consider doing that to any of your kids. And then in your Bible you circle this phrase, how much more?

How much more? If an earthly father with all of our struggles and all of our sin and all of our bad days would never do that to his earthly child, how much more will your heavenly father come to you and meet you where you are and give you what you need when you come honestly? You know I get to talk to lots of pastors and church leaders and then lots of us Christians. But if I bring up the subject of how's your prayer life, you can almost feel the dynamic in the room change. I mean anybody, I don't know anybody who feels like hey how's your prayer life, I'm doing great man, it's awesome, I spent hours and hours, it's great intimacy, God answers about 94.3% of my prayers, love to pray, everything's going great.

When I talk to pastors, how's your prayer life, well I know it's not what it needs to be and I know this and I know that and when I talk to Christians, it's like well you know it's really hard, my mind wanders and I've tried to write a few things down but mostly praise God for Atlanta traffic, I get scared and I pray then and when my kids are in ICU I pray then and when I lose my job or I need some money I pray then and otherwise I'm just hoping the big man upstairs, whoever that is is going to be kind of nice to me and you see your prayer life always reveals your level of genuine dependency and instead of feeling guilty about it, what you need to do is redefine who it is you're talking to and I think redefine prayer, I used to feel guilty all the time about my prayer life. I mean like some guy came to me and said, you know how long should you pray? Just name a number, 15 minutes, well what if it's supposed to be 16? Well it's a half hour, what if it's supposed to be 42 minutes?

Well what if it's supposed to be an hour? I mean you totally missed the point, that's all performance orientation. Can I give you a good definition of prayer? Keeping company with God, that's what prayer is, it's keeping company with God and the key to a life of seeing God and knowing Him for who He really is is just like with any other relationship, you have to get to know Him and enjoy Him and when you think of prayer as ought to and got to and feel bad when I don't and I bet you know I have a flat tire and let's see I prayed and read my Bible this morning it's going to be a good, oh I didn't pray, I bet this is going to happen, that's going to happen, that is a warped view of God.

That's a performance non-grace orientation. Jesus talked to the Father because He was the most refreshing, safe, good, kind, wonderful, willing to help in the middle of the night in any crisis of any being in the universe and He's teaching His disciples get a right view of my Father. He's not down on you. Can I tell you God is not hard to please? His desires for you are grand but His understanding is vast. He's mindful that you're men and women of flesh, His arms aren't crossed, His toe is not tapping, it's not like you're really down deep this bad guilty person and you need to shape up and when you shape up then I'll do good things for you. Doesn't that sound like someone trying to fix someone? Isn't that a lot how we treat others?

And I don't know about you but if I'm trying to fix someone which I did for many years of my marriage and she's trying to fix me, you know there's a lot of unhealthy conflict in that isn't there? And Jesus teaches us I think two major, major practices. The first practice is this, bring all your needs to the how much more Father who loves you. Now I don't feel guilty about my prayer life anymore. I have come to believe that there is an all-knowing, all-powerful gracious kind God that no matter where I'm at and what I've done and how much I'm struggling and how adverse the situation is, I can come and I've got to come a certain way, we'll learn in a minute but when I come real and honest and not playing games, He always is the how much more God. How much more will your heavenly Father meet you and talk with you and listen to you and help you and put His arm around you and comfort you and encourage you but there is a way that you have to come. We come to God not only with all our needs but come to God in desperate dependency. The other little phrase I would have you underline, Jesus did not make up these stories just out of the blue, right?

He's making a point. Which of you coming to a friend, legitimate need and he's already in bed and you shamelessly believe he's good enough that he's going to answer, you come and you say, I have nothing. You've had those times praying, haven't you?

You're in ICU and they don't know if your kid's going to make it or not. I have nothing. This marriage has fallen apart and there's anger and you're sitting in a pool of tears and wondering, you just find out that the layoffs are final and you don't have a job and you don't have a future and remember how you pray then? Oh God, flowing tears, God, God help me, what am I going to do? I can't solve this.

Are you ready? I can't fix this. God, please help me. And I would suggest that if we had the time and a microphone, we could go around this room at the windows in your life when you were just totally bankrupt, I have nothing and we could tell the most amazing stories of how God showed up in supernatural ways in ICUs and biopsy reports that were this way and went that way and people that have lost people that you love and you thought to yourself, I cannot go on.

I will never live again. And that was five years ago and you have seen how God has healed your life. You see, principle for relationships, knowing God as he is, is a prerequisite to loving others as they are. And that means that you get a new view of God. Can I just tell you, he's not down on you. He just loved to talk to you.

And yeah, there's a basic format about how to do it. If your mind wanders, just like if you were talking to a great friend or your mate or one of your kids and your mind wander and they said, hey, dad, dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry.

And you would just talk, wouldn't you? I've been out of town quite a bit. And Friday, I just had a great afternoon with Teresa and we went out on a date to this really nice little Italian restaurant and had a little candle lights and music in the background. And then we took a walk around all these places. And you know, if I would have missed that date, I would have not thought, oh boy, why should I have done that with Teresa? You know why I went on that date? I just love her. I like to hang out with her. I didn't feel like, oh, I've been gone two weeks. No, I need to shore up this part of the relationship.

I need to fix her, make sure everything's okay. I just said, babe, man, can we just hang out together? And we had a deep talk and a long walk and a great meal. And it was just like, if I would have missed that, I would have not felt like she was down on me.

I would have felt like I missed out on something very precious. And when you begin to see God as a good God and a kind God and a gracious God and a loving God who wants to keep company with you. And if you would come and kind of stop, we all do it, the posturing and trying to cut a deal like, well God, if I do this, this and this, will you do that? And over here, if you would do this, then I really need this new job. We kind of play the game of like air traffic spiritual controllers. And we're the air traffic controller. And there's this God that we can tap in if we just get the dials just right. And then I say, okay, God, over at two o'clock, I got a son going left, going south. What I need is supernatural grace missiles.

Shoot him over here. And God over here, I need a new job. And this needs, and you know, and I'm trying to work. Oh, and then, you know, it happens one time, doesn't happen the other. And you think, well, maybe I need to hold my mouth just right. Or, or, or I read verses last time before I prayed.

Maybe that's the key. And we play all these games. And Jesus said to his disciples, Hey guys, you come to the how much more God when you're absolutely bankrupt and you say, I got nothing and I can't fix it. And I'm desperate for you. And when you ask, you'll receive. And when you seek, you will find, and when you knock, the door will be open. Knowing God as he is, is the prerequisite to loving others as they are.

Chip will be right back with his application for this message. Knowing God as he is, is the prerequisite to loving others. Relationships are tough because each person has their own expectations, behaviors, insecurities, habits, and beliefs. So how can we find common ground and build a lasting bond with people we care about? Well, in this series, Chip reflects on what he's learned about relationships throughout his life and shares insightful wisdom from scripture for how you and I can create meaningful connections with others. To learn more about this entire series, God's Wisdom for Building Great Relationships, go to LivingOnTheEdge.org, the Chip Ingram app, or call 888-333-6003.

Well, Chip's with me in studio now and Chip at Living on the Edge, we believe small groups are absolutely vital for people's spiritual health. Now, this is why we have a growing library of resources. But with that, where do you suggest people get started? Take a minute, if you would, and maybe share the basic foundational studies you'd recommend.

Well, Dave, we all have special times in our life where there's either crisis or we know we need to improve our parenting or marriage or there's some emotional issues. And as people go through, there's plenty of small group resources like that. But what I think is missing is what historically has been called a catechism. A catechism is a well-ordered process of truth by which you go through it systematically and intentionally in order to become more and more like Jesus and to fulfill more and more what Jesus has called us to do. And so if you follow Jesus' life, his actual chronological life, the first thing is he defined what a disciple is. And so the very first study I encourage people to do is true spirituality, becoming a Romans 12 Christian.

It'll let them know this is what it means to be a follower of Jesus. The second thing Jesus did is he took them through various experiences to reveal who God was like. What is God really like? And so our second study, it's called The Real God. And in that, we studied the attributes of God and how to get them from your head into your heart. The third thing that Jesus did is he helped them understand how does life change really occur? How do you put it into practice?

We have a study from Ephesians chapter 4 called Transformed, The Miracle of Life Change. And then the fourth one I'll give you because I don't want to lay it all out is that when you take these kind of steps, all hell breaks loose. I don't mean that as a cuss word. What I mean is it's challenging. It's difficult. There's spiritual warfare. And that's our study from Ephesians chapter 6.

It's called The Invisible War, what every believer needs to know about Satan, demons, and spiritual warfare. So let me encourage you, unless there's a critical need, a high-felt need, consider studying in order the catechism the way Jesus taught his disciples. Thanks Chip. Well, to learn more about the studies Chip mentioned or any of our other small group resources, go to livingontheedge.org or call us at 888-333-6003.

And let me tell you these materials are so easy to use. Chip provides the teaching. Then you'll have time to discuss what you've heard alongside our helpful study guides. So if you're not in a small group yet or aren't sure what to study next, let me encourage you to check this out. And for a limited time, all of our small group resources are discounted.

Again, visit livingontheedge.org or call 888-333-6003. App listeners tap special offers. Well, Chip, as we wrap up, you shared a touching story about you and your wife on a date. Well, what's one lesson you'd like our listeners to take away from that story and how that relates to our relationship with God? You know, sometimes we kind of work so hard at our relationship with God and we unconsciously, just because we're human, think we need to somehow, someway measure up.

I mean, part of our flesh is a works mentality. And I hope you picked up on that little line when I was talking about my dinner out with Teresa. If I would have missed that, I would have not felt like she was down on me or I did something wrong.

I would have felt like I missed out on something very precious and very special. And I just wonder if that's the way you feel about your time with God. Because here's the deal, that's the way He feels about you. When you miss time with Him, you go a couple of days and you don't really pray or you miss your time reading the Bible, God's not arms crossed, toe tapping, finger pointing, where have you been, you didn't do your little devotionals. He's your Father saying, I missed you, I love you.

Can you imagine this? We can delight His heart and we can also make Him sad. You know, when we kind of shut people off in relationships, we make them sad or they make us sad. Well, God is a very real, holy, infinite, eternal, but person.

And He's a person that wants to have a relationship with you. So often we say things so quickly and glibly, Jesus came and died to pay for our sins so that we can have a relationship with God. The fact of the matter is, is He did that to break down the wall so you and I could enter the Holy of Holies so that you could know Him and enjoy Him, that you come into the presence of a how much more God who cares about you, who loves you and wants relationship with you.

It's a lot more like falling in love and enjoying a relationship than it is fulfilling requirements. Can I ask you to pause today and just ask God, I mean, right now, Lord, would you help me see you as the how much more God that really loves me? It will change how you pray and how you live. Before we close, I want to thank each of you who make this program possible through your generous giving. One hundred percent of your gifts go directly to the ministry to help Christians really live like Christians. Now, if you found this teaching helpful, but you're not yet on the team, would you consider doing that today? To send a gift, go to livingontheedge.org or text the word donate to 74141.

It's that easy. Text donate to 74141 or visit livingontheedge.org. App listeners just tap donate and let me thank you in advance for doing whatever the Lord leads you to do. Well, until next time, this is Dave Druid thanking you for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.