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I Choose Peace - In Relational Conflict, Part 1

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram
The Truth Network Radio
August 4, 2021 6:00 am

I Choose Peace - In Relational Conflict, Part 1

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram

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August 4, 2021 6:00 am

Jesus said, “My peace I leave with you.” Very likely, when we pray, peace is often what we ask for - peace in the world, peace at home, and maybe most of all, peace in our relationships - but what did Jesus mean when He said His peace? And how could that make a difference in our problem relationships today? If you or someone you know is struggling with a difficult relationship this message is for you.


What does it really mean to have peace I mean is it just me and call him and centered or is it avoiding conflict and anxiety.

What if it's much more what content wholeness satisfaction.

That's the kind of peace.

God wants today will learn even in tough relationships how you experience.

Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with shipping Living on the Edges of international discipleship ministry during the Bible to this program shift begins a series I choose peace.

Let's face it, we all could over the next several programs to point out the areas where we struggle to find such divisive relationships or intense moments of anxiety and how we can tap into God's gift of peace feel weighed down or stressed out by your circumstances.

Stick with us for the series and discover the biblical responses to what you're dealing before we begin, let me encourage you to use chips message while you listen. They include his brief outline all the supporting Scripture references.

To download this tool go to the broadcasts tab at Living on the Edge.for Listeners Fill in notes. If you have a Bible, any of it out in Philippians chapter 4. Let's join Chip for his message in relational conflict. Many of you know some of you know I didn't go across as a follower of Christ, and I actually went to church that I don't think God was present and people said one thing and lived another way, so by 15 or 16 I thought not of God exists or not, but he certainly not here and I didn't think I needed in any way and a series of circumstances and some family issues and dreams and crushes the things we go through. God brought me to the point where I met some people whose lives are so radically different and they share with me that God loves me, and you can have a personal relationship with the one who made you Christ came and lived a perfect life and he died in my place to break down all the walls and all the barriers and I could have peace with God and it was really, really new to me. I was very skeptical that in 1972 as much as I can understand. I turned from my self-will and my sin and I asked Christ to forgive me and come into my life and I had to give a little Bible that was easy to understand and no one told me I had to read it, but I just couldn't put it down and I hid it under my pillow, my parents would not think I went to a camp and now became a Jesus freak door, flipped out and my desire started changing but the most phenomenal thing was peace. I was a very driven overachieving type a insecure maniac that you know just you know, gotta get a scholarship to date the right girl is all that stuff and it made for a really hyped up person and it was like I can understand that there's no one to impress what other people think is I'm sure there's some value, but that's not really important. I was sort of in this audit of the God who made me has forgiven me.

He's taken up residence in me and as I would read this this Bible is all new to me and there was just call him and at peace when things were open when they were down that I could not explain, so much so that a year later my father who was a alcoholic and a Marine mean, he was retired.

If you meet a real Marine. I use the word ex-Marine. Once I was corrected quickly and I came home from college. After one year and he said what was with you when he was with me your different selenium different know you're really different possible once different pieces. There's a peace in your life.

And then he turned to me said that he get it to get that and you know being the great theologian at the time. I said I have no idea.

I you know I you know some of that stuff we heard growing up in church with all I can tase I have a personal relationship with God and and I'm I'm reading the New Testament is and where I get more this is what I want to tell you the title of the series is called I choose peace because peace is a gift and it's a choice, and you can have it. If you've never had it. But here's what I can also tell you, as a follower of Jesus, I experience that peace and I've actually figured out ways to quench it so I don't experience it.

I learned how to worry. I learned how to be uptight and learn how to focus on the future. I learned to get in conflict with other Christians and other people including my wife were that piece just dissipates. I'm guessing some of you had that excuse me, Lord.

I'm checking out this place on the only one that they should not get okay so working to learn how to do that to begin thinking is there any relational conflict in your family when your kids roommate at work. Neighbor, because we can talk about how you can choose peace and literally experience restoration. With that said notice on your notice there's three approaches are what I would say there's three sources of peace and why my meanness by sources.

What I say what I'm gonna say don't think everything is terrible or wrong with a couple these things. There's some great skills but as a source. In other words, one source and in our day would be. Peace is within you. You just need to discover its inward keywords would be meditation relaxation. You need to center okay and that the piece is your harmony with the cosmos, but where you need to look for peace is within the second source we are told about peace is an outward. Words like achieve conquer control perform another words the PC is out there. You need to accomplish this, conquer that you need to get into a good school, get great grades find the right person get a great job live in a nice home drive a nice car achieve certain things have certain amount of money and somehow, someday, as you do all those things and you achieve and conquer and perform then your desires and your circumstances will align and then someday you have peace. That's the Western way the American way. The first is more Eastern. Now don't get me wrong, or are there some good things we learn about maybe breathing to take away stress sort stretching or is there goals that we that we learn from sort of achieving and growing.

I'm talking about the source movie came out and told the story of the richest man in the world of the time. Jott J. Paul Getty and the story of the movie. I think it's called.

I didn't get to watch it but I read the review is called all the money in the world, and in 1973 he was the richest person in the he's bringing about the oil business alone 20 million a day. And the story goes on of a man is consumed with money. I had five divorces and it's interesting near the end of his life. I mean if if the outward could deliver this guy has everything the end of his life. They said you have any regrets that I have to. I was not on speaking terms with his children.

I would give all the money. Think about all the money away tomorrow for one good marriage and personal peace in my heart can buy those Kenya but even as followers of Christ. You cannot experience this.

The third is the upward. It's words like trust depend abide words like faith and love, obey, see peace of God is some ethereal something that you can discover with alignment that it's not achieving things.

Peace is actually a person. Jesus said my peace I give to you not as the world gives. But, my peace I give to you. In other words, when I returned I did know this happened from my sin and I invited Christ to come into my life and forgive me.

Kiki takes up residence and he sealed me by spirit, in the person of Jesus in the person of the Holy Spirit lives in you. And there's a control in the goodness in a calm. In fact, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy for those who don't know Lovejoy so as I'm abiding whether circumstances are up or down relationships good or bad. The stock market goes north herself.

There's a supernatural peace. The Bible says that transcends understanding that he will keep you in perfect peace that your mind is stayed on him because you trust him, that's for talking about what, when, when the world or the dictionary defines peace. It's usually the absence of things notice up at the definition in your notes it's the absence of disturbance and hostility. It's free from internal and external strife.

In other words, we think peace is just it's called words, getting along. There's no big thing out there for there's no big conflict within here the word peace and the kind of peace working to learn about and choose and enjoy is a piece that is is is not just the external or just internal it's something that God adds the Hebrew word is shalom and we know it means peace, but the word shalom is way, way bigger.

There's four aspects of shalom. First, it's the complete soundness or wholeness of health. It's a piece of your mind, your body and your emotions.

Second, it's harmony in relationships you have shalom in your marriage. Shalom with your neighbors.

You have shalom at work you have shalom with the body of Christ. Third, its success or progress with your purpose. In other words, there is great peace and I was made to do this. I'm in line with the creator of what he made me to do and I'm I have ups and downs but I'm doing it and there's a piece there's people to spend their whole life wondering should I be in this job. Should we really live here. Should I do that there's no peace and and there's that Momo is always a fear of missing out submitting to be doing this old to be doing that leaves you doing this have this asset going around. Peace may be the greatest thing God could ever give you and if you're a follower, you have it's a choice back. The shalom's victory over your enemies is the God will protect you, Jesus. Last words on the last night he said to his disciples. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. And then what a great line for us.

The world words that do not let your heart be troubled. Don't be afraid. Let not your heart be troubled, I don't look at anybody right now because I just ask you to ask yourself is your heart troubled me for real are you afraid you find yourself watching the news or hearing information or worried about your job are convinced in your mind you're never gonna get married are convinced that the marriage you have is never to be any good or right you understand you can live your whole life with a supernatural peace.

As a follower of Christ available and not choose it.

And so were going to go through the five things that rob us of our peace in Philippians chapter 4 and the first one is conflict in the relationship.

There's a question on the bottom of the page.

See, this could end up a seminar you can think all this is really interesting information, and I took psych 201 is a lot of principles here in all this is really good and in the end of this in the seminar. Here's here's the deal, who in your relational network.

Are you at odds with if you had to come up with the person the mom and dad, a brother sister when your kids roommate, a neighbor, a fellow worker if there someone that you could just whisper oh God is. Some of them there so in the past. We put you down. It was a brother-in-law it's an ex-mate, there's issues and what happens if you don't deal with poison and and hostility and lack of relationship health. Bad stuff happens to your stomach and your migraines and your soul, and more than a walk through a process that the Bible will give about how to get peace when you have relational conflicts. I want you to think about who would you really like to have peace with who would you like to say as far as it depends on you.

I'm not saying that there's reconciliation and everything's can be wonderful.

But as far as it depends on you, who doesn't want you to listen through the lens of that person. Now for some of you. It's your mate and they're not here in your first thought is well.

I wish they were here he really needs to hear this or she really here this because, like me, 95% of all my relational problems are someone else's fault right honest with how we think. So many of our relationship with my supervisor, my boss of one of my kids and my mom and my dad you know if she or he would just straighten up and get with the program.

We have a great relationship. I'm kind of the person in the right and they're totally messed up and we never say quite like that. We just feel it and we have emotions and anger and resentment. What you have in Philippians chapter 4 in the context is this. There's a man in prison.

Name the apostle Paul. There's a church that he loves deeply. He's been in prison. There the church grew as a deep connection God did amazing things. And now there's some some struggles in the church. Some people at the end of chapter 3.

Or, drifting away from the Lord that there's some conflict working fine with people within the church and him and he loves them.

I mean he so loves them and he wanted to remind him there's hope and there's persecution even in the midst of this world and he reminded the end of chapter 3 that you know what Jesus really is coming back. There's a heaven that's real. There's a reality that the only sure hope in the world we live in is is laying hold of our citizenship really is in heaven but were to live out this life dramatically different on earth. So we talked about that and I was going to say it, it's more than just your individual life, walking faithfully with God.

He says there is a relationship problem. There's relational conflict and is going to address it in verse one what I want you to listen for is his heart.

Ask yourself, is he mad is he angry. It is this is this God saying What the program verse one. Therefore, my brothers, in whom I love and I long for my joy and my crown. That is how you should stand firm in the Lord dear friends, would you circle the word in your notes. Love long for joy. Crown, which would put a box around stand firm.

He's saying we have this hope we have this piece God so loves us. He wants us to walk this out together.

So I love you and I care for you and what I'm about to say I'm not down on anyone on but when you don't experience corporately or individually. The peace that God has already granted. It breaks my heart is sort of the spirit is what you stand firm and you know where you're going to have this hope and now he's going to have a requester literally a plea of two ladies that are not getting along. I plead with you, you owe to you and I plead with you since you gave to agree with each other in the Lord. Circle the word to agree to very interesting Greek word means to be in the same mind to think the same thoughts what what we know where to learn is both these are really good women. This is a good person and a bad person that what we know from this context is not a moral issue is not a doctrinal issue, but we have two powerhouse people in this local church who been greatly used of God and some things happen that they are not getting along, and we keep people in a small group key people in the house, mom or dad to roommates whatever it is when you don't get along with someone what to do.

Effects of the people, so he has a plea in verse three he says yes and I ask you, loyal joke fellow help these women would you circle the word help sometimes and relational conflict no matter what you do. It doesn't get better. You need help and then who are these women. These women who contended at my side in the cause of the gospel along with Clement and the rest. My fellow workers and whose names are in the book of life.

We learn to think about these women. One day contended.

I think he's saying Eileen my right hand.

My left hand. These are women that prayed in today and gave and we were in the midst of persecution in the church got birthed and I love them both and their great people.

There's no bad person here.

In fact, I'm absolutely certain there their names written in the book of life so they can get along.

The phrase here loyal joke fellow is actually a proper name. Susan just but since no one can pronounce it, including me, many translators take the meaning of the name which is a loyal joke fellow and the word literally means someone that you know can take like two oxen and have them be in harmony and walk together what he saying is that a problem common or small group, nurtured figure from our family. These people are at each other. They have resentment they have heard it's affecting the church. I'm asking someone competent can you sit down with them. Probably some of the gift of exhortation and a wise counselor and can help in verse four he gives a commandment concerning the relational focus is when there's conflict would he do anything about alt.getting what this person write you driving your car have anger fantasies. She did that she did that you replant your mind. She said that she did that. I can't believe that you know he thinks is a supervisor. He couldn't code were the one that you say that that about me. That's unbelievable. And you know what was she thinking. I mean her in-laws every time they come.

She's depressed for three weeks afterwards. It's not a good idea. You know right okay I bring up one more time. We don't have sex as often as I would like, and she blows up in people yet is this real stuff this is real stuff. So life works in a sense what you do is you get fixated you have and you might you might have 90% of your relationship with this person is good to me. And this is once once you get fixated on this, then you know what they go from being a disagreement to that person you demonize them supervisor I member. 10 years ago, he made another mistake.

I think this hope is in trouble because that night and he's my boss right.

She said that she grew up that way I membership to and all the sudden you take all the dots of your relational hurt and you rearrange them in there that person and you're like me, it's like verse 5% our fault. 95%. Therefore, and then you harden your heart and so here's the command it's a command modeling rejoice in the Lord and again all safe and rejoice in what he saying get a call get off of them and the problem he saying this will not only to the two ladies but to the whole church is when there's a fight.

When we do I money you owe to your side. I'm on Cindy's side in a family. Even the kids, mom, dad, mom, gosh, well I guess you know right in a small group at work because one thing we don't do as we often notably Scripture, we have a problem of the person.

What we do is we we find two or three people that usually agree with this and if just a little coffee shop sometime in an act like you have your funds on.

I just listened and just listening. But it's really fun to favor some conversations, but I don't know what is thinking you know you and he plays golf three times a week and he expects me to take care of malevolent will my roommate and a lot in the refrigerator.

This is my side.

This is her side. I paid for everything. This is what you didn't get my supervisor.

I think he's on drugs you know you can do more talking about someone else.

I want to do gasoline on the fire will join this year and student this application just listening to the first part of his message in relational conflict from a series I choose peace.

Do you feel burdened by life's demands.

Are you anxious about the financial pressures on you. Is there a difficult relationship wearing you down if you answered yes to any of these questions, you need a little more peace in your life in the series chip talks about the peace of God, that in the midst of the chaos restores columns and encourages us don't list a single part of the series. It will change your relationship with God. For additional info on I choose peace, order, order any of the series resources visit app listeners tap special offers chip were just getting started in the series focused on peace. So when at share with us your heart behind these messages, whether so appropriate for the times were living all day but it almost goes without saying you think of the pandemic in the rearview mirror.

You think of what's happening culturally in America and whether that's racial issues or political issues. If you just think of the financial pressure that people are living in an all the changes that have occurred if there is one thing I think people are desperate for is peace. Peace in their heart. Peace in their marriage a piece at work piece in the government and we try lots of things when we don't have peace to either medicated or avoided or do something to bring us some level of calm in this series is going to talk about four or five specific things that challenge our peace. Things like relationships. The difficult circumstances worry etc. I am so excited that we can open God's word and allow the Living on the Edge family to walk together with me through Philippians 4, and know this is how you choose peace. Jesus said my peace I give to you. It's a gift.

It's something that we can choose.

It's something that we can access regardless of the circumstance, the relationship with the problems in your life. I think this is a series it's really good help you fix for that ship will we do hope you make plans to be with us for this entire series as we unpack what it means to find peace. If you happen to miss a program you can always listen on the chip and remap okay chip let's get to that application. As we close today's program. I can't help but believe that many of you have had a person come to your mind you, I've talked about relational conflict in unit for some of you at your marriage. For some it's a roommate for others it's one of your your kids are especially maybe one of your grown kids for other people.

It's like that person at work or unit of you been next to this neighbor your person in the apartment complex. There's so many opportunities that even as I brought up all these issues about relational conflict that can pop into your mind. And then there's one that I think really gets us as Christians, it's that person in your Bible study or the person you see at church or even one of the Sunday school classes and you feel so bad and so guilty about it and it just makes you so frustrated because Christians are supposed to get along. I mean, you have this unconscious belief or expectation that there Christian why don't they act like one. And then you feel guilty about some of the thoughts and feelings and attitudes and bitterness and resentment and I think this passage is really helpful because what if now don't get me wrong, there is Christians that do really mean bad terrible things I'm with you. I am on subscriptions that I actually have done some of those things on bad days when chip is in control instead of the Holy Spirit, but all conflict isn't because someone's bad I love this passage where the apostle Paul introduces these two women. He describes them both really as women who love God serving the church really care and yet they have bad chemistry. They have bad personalities. They look at things differently.

Yeah, I'm mindful of that passage where the apostle Paul and Barnabas have such a sharp conflict that they have to part ways, and as you read it carefully. I don't think there's a bad or wrong person. Paul's thinking of his responsibility. The big picture. The mission Barnabas is gifted differently. He's thinking about the concerns for an individual, John Mark someone needs to help them both those things are true.

Here's what I want to tell you what if instead of blaming this person having resentment you had some specific ways very specific game plan to bring about resolution to this conflict part of it might be something that happens and you part of it might be something that you can think a bit differently and part of it could be what you actually do with this other person in our next broadcast, I'm going to give you five specific ways to resolve conflict. Their biblical there effective and they actually work until then I want you to just pray for that person want you to pray that God will bless and God encourage him and I want you to pray God, if there's anything you want to show me, show me. And as you own your stuff.

I guarantee God's gonna work see in her next broadcast. Let me take just a second and think the generous people make monthly donations to support the ministry of Living on the Edge your faithful gifts helpless inspire Christians to live like Christians. Every gift makes a huge difference. If you have been partnered with us yet. Would you prayerfully consider joining the Living on the Edge team make a one-time gift or set up a recurring donation by going to or calling us at AAA 333-6003 and no were blessed by whatever the Lord leads you to do join us next time is chip continues in this series I choose peace. Until then, this is Dave really saying thanks for listening. this Edition of Living on the Edge

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