Deadlines, flight delays, traffic jams, crying babies. What do all these have in common?
Well, for most of us, these situations cause stress. And under stress, our emotions can go astray. Today we'll learn how God can help you stop stress before it starts. Stay with me. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
The mission of this daily program is to intentionally disciple Christians through the insightful Bible teaching of Chip Ingram. Thanks for joining us as we continue our series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. For the past several broadcasts, chips talked about anger. it comes from, how to control it, and the ways we can use it for good. Today he makes the connection between our rage and frustrations and stress.
But before he gets going, if you haven't already, subscribe to our daily podcasts. With a few simple taps on your phone, you'll have access to the full-length version of our latest series. And whether you're commuting, exercising, or just enjoying your day, you can easily download a few programs to listen to anytime.
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Okay, here now is Chip with his talk, Learning How to Stop Stress Before It Starts. Ephesians 4:26 says, It's the good summary of anger in Scripture. Be angry. That's a command. Yet Do not sin.
Do not let the sun go down on your anger, lest you give the devil a foothold or an opportunity.
So, your anger quotient talks about the environment that you're in. Certain environments raise the possibility of anger. Certain perspectives that you have either increase or decrease. your relationship with anger, and it's all tied into no matter what your environment or perspective, obeying Ephesians 4.26. I want you to circle the E, if you will, and I want to talk about your environment.
I want to talk about the environment that can allow you to be either more angry. or the environment that can cause you to be far less angry. And I want to read just a little section. My teammate, I've never teamed up and done a book with someone before, and it's been kind of fun to get a woman's perspective, and especially someone that's worked with so many people. Practicing psychologist and counselor, and she did this experiment, just a couple paragraphs.
She said, One day I decided to keep a mental log of all the times I felt angry. I wanted to know how often I got angry and what I got angry about and what triggered the anger. I encourage you to try this too. The results were surprising and quite humbling. I was shocked at how often angry feelings came to the surface.
Prior to consciously counting these episodes, I had mistakenly assumed that anger was only an occasional visitor to my emotional arsenal. I was wrong. Very wrong. I had to be honest about my feelings of anger, frustration, and actual infuriation. I had felt either flits or fits of anger at not being able to find my favorite socks, running out of milk, the kids taking too long to get ready.
The slow driver in front of me, the long wait at the pharmacy, the store that was closed on Monday, having to put gas in the car, the price of the gas in the car, the long line in the slow service when I got gas in the car, the kids leaving their clothes on the floor again, the computer freezing on me again. and I was only halfway through the day. Though some of these feelings could describe fleeting frustrations, When I was honest. Far too many of them were actual anger. Then came another humbling lesson.
I realized that most of the day-to-day anger I experienced was all about small. insignificant stuff. that I face all the time. When I stopped and looked at how often I got angry and what I got angry about, I had to admit that it happened too much and too often. Then I took a further step.
I ask what is it that contributes to the anger of my day-to-day life? And the answer was surprisingly simple. Stress. Stress. The relationship between stress and anger in my life isn't unusual.
The more pressured, burned out, overwhelmed, or busy, that you become The more your anger. will lie. at the foot of your feet, ready to explode at any moment. the key to lessening our anger. is our ability to minimize stress.
Final line, the more stress we're under, the more likely it is that anger will make its appearance. Our goal is to reduce stress. And so I want to just encourage you in our time together, I'm going to be really, really practical, not an outline. I'm not going to go to all kinds of different texts. I basically want to give some practical wisdom about how to reduce stress in your life.
I am a type A personality. I have been a workaholic. Um I have been characterized by being driven. And I've pastored anything from a member church of about 35 people where 34 of them are related.
Okay. That produced a lot of stress. To 6,000 or 7,000 people coming through the doors every six or seven days, and a very large staff and big budgets, and being totally overwhelmed. And so all I want to know is I understand what it's like. And I just want to walk through some very practical ways that people far wiser than me and many things that I've experienced that might help you.
Number one, stress reducer. is eliminate hurry. John Oortberg went to teach at a large church in Chicago and has since gone back to California. But when he was ready to take that big step, and it was a big, big, big church, and he was going to be the teaching pastor with a team of guys, and he met with Dallas Willard and he said, You know, you're a wise man in the things of God. You've written, you know, books on the spiritual disciplines.
What piece of advice could you give me as I take my family into all this responsibility and all this pressure and all that I'm going to face? And he said, you know, I got my pen out and he said, I'm just, I'm going to take lots of notes. And this is Dallas Willard. And he's going to, and he just, he leaned back. And he looked at me and said, Ruthlessly Eliminate.
Hurry. from your life. And I said, okay, yeah, okay, good.
Okay. No, he said that's it. Ruthlessly Eliminate hurry. From your life. Speed.
and godliness are incompatible. And peace. are incompatible. Hurry and loving others. is incompatible.
Hearing God's voice. and hurry. are incompatible. Ruthlessly eliminate. Hurry.
From your life. And I heard that at a time when our church was going through some significant growth, a capital campaign, a building campaign.
Someone mistakenly took a couple of the messages and stuck them on a local radio station, and then some other station put it on some other station, and that started down the road. And to say that I was under pressure and living a hurried life would be an understatement. And I think there's times in our life where God will give us a message. that is so for us, that the entire trajectory of our future can be changed if we'll just obey that one word for us in that moment. And I remember thinking to myself, and then Oort Burgess is a tremendous teacher.
If you've never read any of his books, I just highly recommend him. And uh And so, uh I remember deciding. I'm going to ruthlessly eliminate hurry. From my life. I mean, I was the guy, you know, the plane door, it's leaving, one more person's getting on.
Ingram gets on.
Okay, sits down. Briefcase, got to do some work. You know, I mean, doing this, you know, getting to a meeting one minute just before it starts because you can't be late, but you got to do five things just before you get there. Multitasking all the time, you know, talking on the phone, answering email on the computer, and. Three other things if I could.
And he gave some practical ways to do it. And so I went into training. I I literally went into training. I took some of his suggestions. Number one, for two years, I drove in the right-hand lane of the freeway.
Mm-hmm. I mean, it was just. Just gonna drive in the right-hand lane. I'm not going to be in a hurry. I'm not going to count how many cars go by in the toll lane.
If I get in this lane right here, I think, let's see, one, two, three, four. The yellow car got in with me, and oh man, I should have picked that line. You know what that tells you about your mindset? You must be really, really important. You must be so important that you have to get wherever you're going that matters so much more than everybody else.
What I realized my hurry was rooted in arrogance. And what he called grandiosity. My being overextended was rooted in my grandiosity. For all the right reasons, doing really Pretty significant things for God, I had come to believe unconsciously, it wasn't willfully, that I'd become indispensable. I had to be everywhere and do everything, and I had to hurry, and the more of it, I could do the more God would be pleased.
You're listening to Living on the Edge. Before we continue today's program, let me ask you, is anger devastating your relationships with your family, spouse, or co-workers? Join us after Chip's message to learn more about our valuable small group resource for this series. Stick around to discover how to confront this powerful emotion and harness it for good. But for now, here again is Chip to continue today's message.
I also went into the discipline of when I went to the grocery line of going. to the longest line instead of the shortest one. Oh. It's painful. But Then I just Hey, how you doing?
Good.
So y you shop here often? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. You? No, I just come, you know, my wife sends me for stuff and you know, I pick up what I can remember.
It's usually the wrong brand or something. But so do you live around here? And you know what happened? I started relating to people again. Pretty soon, the knots in my stomach.
when I was driving because I always had to, you know, I could tell you when you get off this ramp, if you go in the left-hand lane for the first two and a half miles, then if you go to the right-hand lane because the exit comes this way, then you get back in the right-hand lane, then you could, I mean, I was always in a hurry. And I began to slow. Slow down. Slow down. Slow down.
It's really amazing that just the quality of life. I did something weird. I always tried to figure out how. Let's see, they say you have to be there, this was before 9-11, you had to be there so, you know, like an hour before flights. And so I would just, I mean, everything was down to the wire.
And then I decided, you know something? I think I'm going to get there an hour and a half early, sometimes two hours. And I'm going to get there early, and I happen to like a very good cup of coffee. I'm going to get a very good cup of coffee. I'm going to put my feet up.
I'm going to think about what's going on. I think I'm going to spend a little time writing in my journal. I'm going to thank God for some of the people in my life, maybe return a few calls. I think I'm going to call some people while I wait. Have you ever just opened your phone and just thought, I wonder who I haven't talked to lately?
Not for no reason. Bob. Tampa. Probably get a voicemail. That's okay.
Hey, Bob. Yeah, beep. This is chip. You know what? I'm sitting in the airport in Dallas.
And I just want to remind you, God loves you, Bob. And you remember two years ago when we had that little meeting, you came to my mind today. I love you. You are a friend. like few I've ever had.
And I hope you're doing well today. God bless you. And I just started doing some spontaneous, non-urgent, not having to get it done. Eliminating hurry from my life.
Now, do I have some regression now and then, you bet? Um But it, I still get to airports early. I don't always drive in the right-hand lane. all the time. But I for a period of time I just got that I gotta get there attitude.
out of me. and it made a huge difference. Uh I read a a poem that many of you will Um Recognize And it was about that classic slow me down, Lord. And then after it. There were some observations that we made.
When I'm in a hurry I don't notice the flowers blooming. alongside the road, When I'm in a hurry that does seem to be more irritating drivers on the road than normal. When I'm in a hurry I don't strike up friendly conversations with those around me. When I'm in a hurry I avoid people, places, and things. that take time and energy and effort.
When I'm in a hurry, I pretend not to see the person behind me in line, who only has a few items. when I have a cart full of groceries. When I'm in a hurry my heart pounds and my muscles are tense and my mind races. When I'm in a hurry I rush through the day. and I rush by people.
When I'm in a hurry, I don't ask people how they really are. Or if I do, I don't stick around. to hear the answer. When I'm in a hurry, my devotional life is a task to get done. instead of a time to treasure.
When I'm in a hurry, I'm abrupt with people. When I'm in a hurry it feels like life is a race to be run. When I am in a hurry I get angry more easily and more often. When I'm not in a hurry, I enjoy my food more. When I'm not in a hurry, I smile more and just feel calmer.
When I'm not in a hurry, life seems to be a lot more enjoyable and less stressful. When I'm not in a hurry, I'll ask about others. about themselves, how they're doing. And I actually like hearing what they had to say. When I'm not in hurry, my times in prayer are more meaningful.
When I'm not in a hurry, I think I'm actually a nicer person, more thoughtful and kinder to others. And when I'm not in a hurry, I'm more patient, loving, understanding. intolerant. But I'm not in a hurry. Things just don't bother me as much.
See, we can talk about anger and the ABCD, and it's a secondary emotion, but your AQ. Your anger quotient will be determined by your E environment. plus your P perspective. times your willingness to obey. Ephesians 4.26.
So eliminate hurry. Second is downsize your expectations. Most of us try to do too much too soon. And we feel overwhelmed, and it puts us under pressure. And because our expectations are so high and we're under pressure, then anger bubbles out.
Most dramatic experience ever. And this is not sort of my biography, but. I just want to tell you how life really works. I think sometimes people get up and they come to a place like this. I mean, you know, the and so people think you're way smarter than you are, way more holy than you are.
And all of us are exactly the same ordinary people with regular ups and downs. And in seminary, I had a conviction that my wife should be home with our kids. And that was a really important conviction because that meant I needed to support us and go to school full time, which was really hard. And so I would get up at about 4.30 in the morning and study Greek until 7, catch a carpool, and then the carpool, I'd go to work from work, I was called at work, went to seminary from 7 until about 4.30. And I would either read or be in class 100% of the time, come home, play with the kids, eat dinner, go to work at 6.30, get home at 11, do it again.
So I was under lots of pressure. And where I went to school, they wanted three years of Greek and two years of Hebrew. And it wasn't always that it was so hard, but it was just so much to do. And I remember a guy that became a great mentor and a friend for the last 25 years was Howard Hendricks. And I actually went to school to be around him.
And I'll never forget one day he had a group of us together and, you know, we were kind of whining about our lives and, you know, demands. And he has this funny thing, you know the problem, don't you? You know. No prof, what's the problem? The problem is you guys don't get enough C's.
What do you mean? You don't get enough C's. He had this funny way of, you know. Or he's doing like this with his nose. And um Seas, what do you mean?
Yeah. You're a bunch of smart guys here. You came from schools where you're smart guys, and you think getting A's is where it's at. I got news for you guys: God doesn't care whether you get A's. Secondly, no one's going to look at your resume whether you got A's or not.
You're competitive-driven, carnal guys. Get some C's, love your wives, have some fun, you know. And uh And so I was involved in ministry and I was involved in working. And it was like someone just took the expectations and said, And I wasn't probably near as smart as a lot of guys, but I was always like, I always was one of those students that could figure out what was going to be on the test.
So I always got really good grades. I'm kind of street smart, but I'm not like super academic. And I said, okay, this Greek class, zillion hours. I got to read all these books. I'm supposed to have all these, let's see, let's see, 2,000 words memorized and all this.
And that's worth 10% of my grade. And when I get out. A computer has all those words somewhere.
So Okay. 10%, that gets me from 100 to a 90. Not going to do that. And then this other thing, you're supposed to read this, this, this, and that.
Well, I want to learn to do the exegetical work, this, this, this. That's what will help me be the man God wants me to be. I'm not doing that, that's only 5%. And so I started to go the last couple years and I would go to professor and say, I just want you to know I'm not sloughing off. It's not that I don't care about you.
It's not that I don't think what you're doing is important. It's that all these words are in a book. Uh when you like do the little quizzes on the Vocabulary. I won't do well. I'm not even going to try.
I'm starting your class with a B.
Okay? And I just bought myself seven hours a week. and it'll probably make me a better dad, a way better husband, And I just went through my classes.
Now, you know what? As crazy as Prof was, even after doing that. Most all of us, we just got D's and A's anyway. But it was just that what Who is putting the invisible gun to your head that says your house has to be absolutely spotless all the time? Who's putting the invisible gun to your head that says you always have to return every call the same day, or that this new thing, beep, beep, beep, an email comes.
Oh, oh my gosh, I gotta return the. I mean, who made these rules? I didn't get that it's been seven minutes and they haven't returned my email yet. Why, if I'm doing something over here that's the will of God, how does someone electronically shoot something through a satellite that says it's now the most important thing? in my life.
Where do we start doing that? If I didn't know better, that would be stupid. That would just be stupid. And then we get so overwhelmed. I've done this.
Have you ever done this? You know, like you get, you get sort of those, they're not quite spam. You know, they're like from Harry and David's and different people you order some stuff now and then, or Delta Airlines is telling me, you know, new fares. Have you ever felt like you're so overwhelmed that you want to feel like you've accomplished something? And I sit at my computer.
Delete that one. delete that. Have you ever done that? You know, like the day is going so overwhelmed. And I feel like I've known Harry and David, that one's gone.
Delta Airlines, that's gone. These three advertisements gone. Boy, do I feel good about myself? Is this nuts? Anyway.
Three, learn to say no. Um privilege to get some mentoring from From Chuck Swindahl, and as the radio was growing, every year we'd have this dinner, and we'd get a chance. And somehow, I got to sit next to him. And every year, for about seven or eight years, he literally took me for about a half hour, put his arm around me, and basically gave me that.
Now, young man, here's what you need to remember. And it was amazing. And so I remember one year he said, One of the greatest things you'll ever have to learn. Learn to say no. Um Kindly Artfully and with excellence.
And he said, it will save you so much. I mean, people need to know you would love to. But the answer's no. And I thought, wow, you know, that is... You know, I didn't really understand what he meant.
And then there was a certain book that I thought would be really important, and you know, we were friends, and so I. I called him or wrote him and asked him if he would endorse the book. And I got the nicest, most excellent, kindest letter. That I I mean I felt like when I got done reading that letter I was Next to Cynthia, maybe The second or third most important person. And Chuck Swindah's life, wow.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was just like, Chip, I appreciate you so much and what you've done. And have I glanced at this? This is going to have a great impact.
I'm so excited. And our times together and our board and the priorities, they've just limited what I can do. I would love to do it, but. I just can't. Learn to say no.
kindly. Don't take stuff on in church. Don't do stuff for friends. Don't let guilt drive you to get your schedule because under stress, when you're doing stuff you don't feel really called to do, you get resentment and you're going to have more anger. This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
And you've been listening to part one of Chip's message, Learning How to Stop Stress Before It Starts, from our series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. Chip will be back shortly to share some helpful application for us to think about. Have you ever been told you have an anger problem? Has your temper damaged or ruined a meaningful relationship? Are the frustrations of daily life weighing you down?
Well, let's be honest. Everyone struggles to control this powerful emotion at times. In this series, Chip reveals the common ways anger manifests and shares practical, biblical solutions to rein it in before it destroys you and your most treasured relationships. Don't miss how to be, as Jesus said, angry without sinning.
Well, our Bible teacher, Chip Ingram, is back in studio with a quick word. Thanks so much, Dave. There are few things that will impact your life, your family, your marriage. All your relationships, what happens at work, then how you handle your emotions. more specifically the emotion of anger or the guilt, the shame, the devastation, all the things that surround anger when it's not properly understood or properly responded to.
And so all I can say is that I don't know where you're going to invest your time in the next few months. But let me encourage you that overcoming emotions that destroy you and your relationships would be a great place to really invest. Let me just help you think this through. For some of you, you've been thinking, we need to launch a Bible study or the next small group series for our small group at church or for our men or women's group or our Sunday school class, we ought to get this. Be thinking outside the box, this isn't just for you.
God wants to use you as an ambassador. Imagine the people in your network, if they understood anger, begin to use it for good instead of evil, the good that would happen in your homes, your churches, and your community. Act today. Thanks, Chip.
Well, to get your hands on this valuable resource, visit livingonthege.org. Dig into this study with a group of friends and uncover how anger may be impacting you and what you can do to harness it to grow spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. Get your hands on the overcoming emotions that destroy Small Group today by going to livingontheedge.org or by calling 888-333-6003. Applist Nurse Tap Special Offers. With that, here again is Chip.
As we close today's program, there's one very simple question. that I need to ask you. In fact, you need to ask yourself. Which of the three things that create stress in your life do you need to address? I talked about ruthlessly eliminate hurry.
downsize your expectations, learn to say no.
So, so which one of those, if I just, you know, we're sitting together and over a cup of coffee, you know, and I said, okay, which one of those for you would it be? What would you say? I will tell you, first and foremost, you will see your life change if you ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life. Of all the things, especially if you're a type A personality, high pressure job. And the other one was that hit me was downsizing expectations.
If you're perfectionistic and you want to do things really well, you keep pushing and you put all this pressure on yourself thinking, you know, it's like got to be an A-plus all the time. And just a couple weeks ago, I was speaking at a place and they wanted all these notes and they wanted them, you know, a week or two in advance. And I was in the middle of teaching a series and I remember feeling all this pressure and stress. And then just as I prayed, God said, So Do you have to have notes every time you preach? And I remember thinking Well gosh, Paul didn't have PowerPoint.
He did okay, you know. And so I just told my assistant, would you just let him know that, um, You know, I'll have some notes because they were done, but you know, I'm just not going to have any PowerPoint. And it was like the whole world got lighter and better. What do you need just to say it's okay to let something go? You don't have to do everything perfect every time.
and see if that stress doesn't come down and with it the anger. God bless you. Give it a try. Thanks, Chip.
As we wrap up this program, Living on the Edge depends on listeners like you to help us continue encouraging Christians to live like Christians.
So, would you consider becoming a monthly partner to help others benefit from this ministry? You can set up a recurring donation at livingonthege.org or by calling us at 888-333-6003. That's 888-333-6003 or visit livingonthege.org. AppListeners Tap Donate, and thanks for doing whatever the Lord leads you to do.
Well coming up on the next edition of Living on the Edge, we'll continue Chip's series Overcoming Emotions That Destroy.
So I hope you'll join us. But until then, I'm Dave Drewy. Thanks for listening.
