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September 17, 2022 1:00 am
Today, Nikita speaks with Steven Arms.
Steven Arms lives in Oregon with his wife Emily and is the proud father of two young children. In Milestone to Manhood, Steven shares his firsthand experience of his Rite of Passage weekend and reflects on how it shaped him into the man that he is today.
Milestone to Manhood shows how fathers of pre-teen boys can help their sons to successfully make the transition from boyhood to manhood. It is a father’s responsibility to bestow the title of “man” on his son, and the book outlines a once-in-a-lifetime weekend to help a father do so. The weekend involves the other male role models in the son’s life as well, like his grandfather, uncles, and older brothers, who all participate in order to make it clear to the boy that he is now considered to be a man. This coming-of-age ceremony is called his Rite of Passage. Visit www.milestonetomanhood.com for more information.
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This is the Truth Network man up my pleasure to introduce Stephen arms said to the man up audience even welcome to the map show why it's great to have you. Stephen in and excited Alexander will organ a talk about milestone to manhood your book because that this is really right up my my alley and intercourse.
Those who follow the man up show and listened to know about our camps and our conferences are manic conferences, etc., are good. I think really enjoy this conversation before we get there, Stephen. Let's enlighten our listeners to Stephen arms is enough that you actually calling you today your colony from California today right the West Coast California burn rate actually live up near Portland Oregon now, but I spent my first 25 years in California. Okay so up in Portland enough. Are you familiar good little side question for me with Bend Oregon and I've been out there a number of times. Gutter 12 times. Oh, okay.
The reason I'm familiar with band that is my oldest daughter Taryn is married to her husband from Bend, Oregon, Chad and course. I've been out there was that it is a beautiful Bend Oregon was a beautiful city and so yeah so you just nestle there there and in there that that I guess the eastern part of Aalborg and right band is selling out only after I got early.
Love outdoors you like that.we were talking quite yet which my son-in-law does that. Having grown up there so so so you're in Oregon now so what what's tells about your family tells what you doing in Oregon transitioning from California. Like a boring arrangement, California.
I come from a family of four boys on number two or so you can imagine, there were a lot of rattling and eating contest and testosterone.
Growing up I grew up in the church know we as a family would go to church every Sunday together, and then come home and cook a family breakfast in church was very much a part of our family growing up. And then in college is probably when, like many people I kinda started to have those questions about what do I believe in what I believe him and I really sent me on month to 12 month long journey of questioning my faith. And you know you been questioning my belief in God and I at the time I wasn't sure if I should talk to my parents about that because I was afraid of what they might think know if I told him I am questioning my belief in God. I didn't know how that Polly my respond night out in my respond yeah but ultimately I decided you know what I can go through this alone.
I need to seek wise counsel here and so I did go back to my current anarchy my grandfather to my grandfather had always been at Northstar in my life in a different mentor to me. So I brought my question to them and they were able to answer all of the questions that I have but they were able to set me straight in more than a few of them and they were able to share more about their own faith journeys with me and so I would think college having that experience with them.
That was the moment where I kinda took my faith on for myself and my going to church now is in about I don't go to church, make my parents happy anymore, but I go to church now because this is what I believe and I want to have that closer relationship with God so now I am 31 years old. I met my wife Emily.
She is from Oregon though.
I moved up here to pursue my relationship with her. We got married in 2018 and now we have two beautiful children. My daughter Claire is three years old and my son Joseph just turned one that's awesome well you know what Steve, you bring up a very really a very interesting point in the and and I think valid for really for all of us out there in the end, in listening land and that that is I think it's not uncommon that you have you grow up in a in a Christian home where he grew up in church or you know you, your family, parents follow Christ in it and that it simply Tom. I think each one of us has to reach that point of decision where it becomes as you just really made reference to personal I think you know it's easy to kind of, you will I that what comes to mind is riding on the coattails of your parents faith right in and add to it and still being in that environment, but you'll for those listening out there. I wanted it encourages you listing the Stephen story you know, depending on where you're adding your journey. He it was a great word Stephen journey that you not only when on the 6 to 12 month journey and ultimately making the decision to to have your own personal relationship with with Jesus and then reach all of what you said to about reaching out to Rich about your parents and having that conversation that discussion with them, and what a cool, what a cool thing was stated to have a grandfather in your life who is a mentor who you looked up to likely said he was my North Star. That's really cool it and so now you got a little boy grown to to raise along with with your daughter and that's amazing. So let's start on on that note, so I know you see wrote this book milestone to manhood and just read a couple of the notes here in and it's interesting. It's about a once-in-a-lifetime weekend designed to mark a boy's entrance into manhood. So far listeners out there, especially those who have boys and this can be boys of Chile of any age.
I know we can talk more specifically, here and in a moment.
As we dive deeper into this. This is start with.
Let me just start with who this book is for so see those who have boys, but what inspired you to write the book list to start there.
What inspired you Stephen to write this book.
Your hair, or father of Karen 11 or 12-year-old boy and the premise of the book is that if a boy is never told that he is a man at the appropriate age around that 1112 or 13 years old, then he will try to prove his manhood to himself and to his peers throughout her life and what that might look like is violent pornography the sexual conquest of women fighting. These are all examples of boys engaging in dangerous or perverse behavior, listening to the truth and TruthNetwork.com. If you would like to support Cola for Christ ministries. For a gift of $25.
You will see the CDs adoration declamation for a gift of $50 accumulated is wrestling with this gift of $100 more, you will include a signed copy of his newly updated tail of the ring. Go to www.prologue.donate today Nikita coffee. Or if you're needing to buy a car and have marginal credit and considering using buy here pay here that's worse than taking the Russian sickle Winston-Salem motorcars will put you behind the wheel of a car you can rely on while helping rebuild, repair or establish your credit score conveniently located on Silas Creek Pkwy. in Winston-Salem. Be sure to check them out today at W.
S. M. C. The number one.com because you are number one you're listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com, all in an effort to prove their manhood go there. And what we write about in the book is that a lot of back pain can be avoided if a father of a boy simply tell them that the I just want to let you know are no longer consider you to be a boy now, but in my eyes you are a man, and by doing that the father affirmed the boys masculine identity, though, when the boy feels confident. Not that identity of the father. Think about the man that he no longer feel the need to prove his manhood.
Yeah, that in this case is something semi-interject something to come to mind here. Stephen even for my own stories is just a little quick back story on on meekest and the other thing that you know comes my duties you your listing off some things they made you know pursue tip you know to to prove their man at your drugs, drinking right gangs when joining tank is accepted by the by the gang you know is related or not in their own home and I like what you said you know is it's still letting you know the young man just kind of eager out figured out for himself right with as part of my story to give you little quick back story you know my caliphate. I was 3/2. The youngest of four and actually you had you group you and three other brothers had two other brothers and sister of the youngest, but I had no male role model and soul you my my view of manhood and masculinity came from just just as you what you refer to two peers, TV, Internet, magazines says smart magazines. Back in those days conversations in the locker room as a as an athlete, you know that's what defined my manhood personally to to your point to your point because I didn't have a dad in the home and would later on come to realize once I give my life to Christ in 1993 and then went to a camp and and watched a teaching on biblical manhood. Now there's a difference of that to write the way the world defines a bit manhood, the way God defines man. There is a decided difference there and settled early Yasser my eyes are open to it. To have God defines manhood right so be the fact that you are in inspired to so that's of the books about a bill. So what inspired you to to do this book so what are we to write the book with art. That I had when I was 13 my dad organized for me but called a right of passage weekend so when I turned 13, my dad took me away to a cabin lights out there which is in Northern California about three hours for I grew up and he surprised me with my aunt, my two uncles and my grandfather on the drive-up they were at a restaurant waiting for an the purpose of the weekend was to have all of the men in my life. All the men that I looked up to take me away for the weekend and they shared advice about what it means to be a man what it means to be a godly man to your point Nikita and at the end of the weekend. They all told me looking godly told me Stephen we want to know that in this family. You are no longer considered to be a boy you are now considered to be a man and in our families uphold the right of tradition. Every boy if the prize is on his 13th birthday, and how to become like that with his father with his other male role models in our family dinner for the girls as well that the guys were not invited to that trip but all the females of the women of the family organized similar type weekend event for my cousin Wayne I think is very significant.
What you doing in in in writing this book and in what's what's so needed and in today's day and time and I see words like yeah you encourage like you like uncles and older brothers and cousins and and you grandma your grandfather and others that can really speak life in into you write what I that I had to be a powerful we see a 31 that happened when you were 13, so just reverse the numbers there that. I would almost 20 years ago. You're totally right of the president of other men besides the father is a critical component weekend because it almost 12-year-old 13-year-old boy they don't want to look think their father.
After all it out when my dad invited me to go on the weekend. I was hesitant to study all weekend long one. My dad got it. I clear clear and awkward being right, but having the other men bear hug my uncles and my grandfather they were sharing advised that they really start again because they weren't my dad know and I was I was open to accepting advice from other men by respected but they were my dad though their present what is critical to the weekend yet.
In retrospect, you know, as a 13-year-old. I didn't really understand what a blessing your ID this weekend was this experience in my life and it wasn't until many years later to go. When I got married and had children of my own that I kind dawned on me like wow this is a very unique experience it out.
Maybe a 100 million type experience and I need to share this with the rest of the world you know that's right for God in the book for me is sharing that virtuous family tradition with the rest of the world so that father can help thirst on make that transition from boyhood manhood, listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. I will be sure to check out the man up show now available on television broadcast and Vodafone's TV.com or radio network. Check out your local listings or better yet, download the Truth Network app today.
The helical affair, and I am excited to hear you do know the big announcement. Well, maybe. Anyway Facebook goal look up my new fan page.
Fans and the like, and follow your listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com well and in its the significance of that is if you write you pick the unity pick page of a pick the age 12, 13, you know there there is other other cultures.
The one that comes to mind. The mode of the first and foremost is the Jewish culture which has a a right of passage if you will for 12 or 13-year-old girls.
Boys called a a bat mitzvah for the girls in a bar mitzvah for the boys and in symbolizing this very same thing. This step from essentially childhood into manhood in course in the Christian community. This is not something that's typically to my knowledge talked about her or Don. I will say this I had some dear friends of mine, Bruce Alisa Birchfield who a number of years ago my daughter Ashley, one of my DOS rifle. I have four girls you are. You grew up with four boys, yet a daughter to suck. I have I have four girls my daughter, Kendra. Interestingly enough of was the only one that went through this this journey of Stephen but we had a right of passage for her.
My my friends to come up with a similar concept. The similar idea of a right of passage for her and that it was. It was powerful.
I mean a powerful for me as a dad you she went through that that particular program that she went through his.
I should've about a six week six weeks. Where did like you like you had to ferment speak in your life you different women speaking to her life each weekend, teaching or etiquette what it means to be a wife.
What it means to be a mom you just write what it means to be a godly woman of Proverbs 31 woman in all of that culminating, culminating with a big formal banquet that not unlike even a a wedding reception all my means.
I mean dolled up dressed up and then the coolest thing that I remember is it that one just just so for Alyssa's other IBI I couldn't. I couldn't keep it God or of any dry eyes to Stephen but but what one of the coolest memories wine I got to. I wrote out some words of affirmation for her and got to speak truth into her life and who she was, who I saw her back and getting choked off of it right now who I somehow I saw her as as a woman and and so I got to speak that to her, put it at the Gazetteer is that with the club will crown a tear on her head in and out and take off underneath her gown, take off her whether what if she's wearing flip-flops tissue and put high heels on her a while and then finished with the father daughter dance and about my goodness. And I was just recently with her. She live her husband have two girls of their own. Now they live in Maui Hawaii either suffer for Jesus out there and and in Maui blood and into see her now as a godly mom and a godly woman and an amazing husband is such a blessing, but I I sense I got the believe that that rite of passage had a profound impact to what you're doing is so important effective Stephen that you put this book together, you know now. Miss you this so 212 13 is the and is a critical age like you said that trying to boys aggressively try to find their identity right can you find who they are right. We find it 13 years old, the perfect age to good know it's a milestone birthday or becoming a teenager and a candidate.
It's probably better to initiate your son or daughter into manhood and womanhood a little bit too early, but a little bit too late now right yes type. By the time there anything you know they probably already made a major life decision and you want your son or daughter know that they have their parent. Both the core going forward through their teenage years and to tie it back into my own story, no. When I was in college questioning my faith. I really was, the things that were shared with me during my right of The weekend as a 13-year-old. That gave me the trust to go back to my father, my grandfather and out those tough questions with them and to seek their counsel because during my right of past weekend. They told me you are a man now and we are man of your family are here to support you no matter what, and our proverbial door is always open, you can come to us with anything you might be struggling with and eight years later when I got to college that I took them up on that offer, though, we find a 13 years old. Probably the best time to do it. I have a 14 or 15-year-old son. I would say go for better relate better late than never, right exactly yet. Let me ask you this to fully run on a time you want to ask you let let's just sit what you're so what do you think what would you say Stephen to those, and let's face it, there's too many homes too many without a dad in the home or male role model like like I did have one right so what would you recommend to him. Would you like would a single mom want to get this book how how would someone who doesn't have a dad listening right now doesn't have a dad in the home or whatever would you recommend to them what what what should they do, what would they do the rabbit after directing that the book day and that that exact scenario did occur in our family because I have a cousin who was rated from a single mother and and back tastefully recommend is for that single mom to identify a godly virtuous man distributed after their church that could be a grandfather could be an uncle and asked them to organize a right of topically for their son. Mother will still be heavily involved in organizing the weekend and pulling it off logistically, but the weekend itself should be only man I the reason for that is it takes a man to form another marinated outside how we fit our manhood is from other men just like limited that there womanhood from other men that example of the limited virtuous woman exactly right so that's good advice. So, maybe mom to get the book.
Each book handed off to to a church leader handed off to grandpa hours or so and some you know her godly brother universe, as I think it could step in and fulfill that role right in Seattle and I would say you are single mother darkly more important that you do one of his right of topically done for your spine because it doesn't have that father figure out though. He's one of these weekend more than it does have a dad's life. Although I think everyone should have a weekend like that. I think it's especially important for word boys who don't have a father in the house. In today's will for sure for sure for sure and well in it. I know we just had a few minutes left to cover something as fully run out of time but but I wanted to see this journal before we came on air. He said we at we are informally organizing these ourselves. These are more can up to the diff, the household, the family, I would encourage you Stephen admit maybe at some point William maybe make that available before now. Are you listening out there.
You get the book you read the book. It lays out the whole the whole plan of how to do this in and walk through this and I want to say the five elements of a Christian right of passage just real quick first quality time will have time to go to the details. That's what they're going to need to get the book 1st quality time.
Second to to write a passage to come out of his comfort zone and and be a new experience for him. Third, crucial to the right of passage additional other male role models. Number four.
Right of passage should provide an opportunity for men of the group to share advice, wisdom it's it's a judgment free zone and open discussion with the young man in the last but not least the opportunity to encounter Jesus which is that's almost a good good good notate almost a really good and on here. Last but not least, that that the young man if he hadn't already can encounter Jesus.
So we just got to just a minute or or or so left here Stephen. Any other thoughts or any of the suggestions you liked our listeners and where can they go get the book book on our website. Milestone two manhood.com found on the website. We also referred to a greater audience we have email template that father can find out through the group of men to organize one of these weekend so even though we can't book your cabin for your dear grocery shopping.
One thing to be can do is give you the words that you need to organize one of these weekend though, we put together five email template or you you can just copy and paste to organize one of these weekend again are website is milestone two manhood.com Stephen arms. God bless you man I see if more people do this. Nine.
I don't we. We had really get a good dear friend of mine and I do do we do a camp every spring fall called man camp right were we bring men of all ages 18 and older 18 and older into camp to to equip and empower them to train them up to be godly men, godly husbands and godly fathers, and they come from all walks of life in and then log come from from fatherless homes and not all of them but but many of them oregano and so I envision it. If we can get guys families doing this Stephen Hill get your book in and give a right of passage.
Not that we would have less men come to our camp but we have less men come to our camp who have major problems in their life facility. I had so Stephen arms ma'am milestone to manhood making a difference by encouraging families out there to have a right of passage 12 years old for the girls 13 years old for the boys teaching them how to step into womanhood how to step into manhood man. God bless you Stephen thank you for writing this book well and a listen. I hope all you go get a copy of this book and if it doesn't apply to you by them bless somebody with a copy give it to somebody else that maybe you know that there there they've got a son or or or and/or daughter who struggling and be sure to tune in again for another episode of the man up show. It's time it's time God bless you.
Thanks for dialing this podcast is made possible by the grace of God and your faithful prayers and generous. May God bless you for your continual, build a whole lot of.net and donate I'll need a green army where he needs any kind of tile from the time ran when his apartment has it right now number one in the readers twice divorced dad thing this is Nikita Cole and I want to thank lemons carpet for supporting my new show man on Saturday afternoon. 1230 on the truth that were this is the Truth Network