The Integrity of a Wise Wife, Part 1

In times that are marked by massive confusion over the God-given differences between women and men, it's challenging for married couples to work together in harmony. So what are the keys to cultivating a healthy relationship in the home?

Today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll presents a brand new message on this topic. To begin, he'll be teaching from 1 Samuel about the role of the wife, and next week he'll address the men on their role as husband, using 2 Samuel as his guide. Chuck titled this first message, The Integrity of a Wise Wife. Some marriages are so fulfilling and harmonious, we refer to them as marriages made in heaven.

I'm certain that all who go to the altar hope that theirs will be one of those. Regrettably, some marriages are miserable beyond description. They're marked by disharmony, sometimes brutality, often argumentation, an unwholesome and unhealthy environment. Often those unhappy marriages are like a, well, a hell on earth. They often don't last very long. Sometime a couple realizes this isn't going to work, and a few have found that out even on their honeymoon. Some, a few weeks into the marriage, they realize again and again that this is not the person I thought I was marrying. And they're filled with regret, disappointment, heartache, and they've decided it's got to end. A few last a few months, and then it's over. Maybe that explains why a jewelry store owner that I saw a number of years ago in a Los Angeles jewelry store front window put up the sign that said, we rent wedding rings.

Seriously. And then there are those miserable marriages that go on and on and on. Usually that's true because one of the partners is the one who makes it so miserable. And the other, well, for lack of a better word, let's just say the other is wise, patient, willing to ride it out, to let God work in ways that they find they're unable to. Abigail found herself in a marriage like that. She was married to Nabal. Nabal, had to have been a nickname. Na'al, the Hebrew verb, very descriptive, it means to be foolish, to be senseless. No mother would have named her son at birth fool or senseless.

But he picked up the name along the way. Harris Archer and Walke and their fine two-volume work, The Theological Word Book of the Old Testament, tells us that the verb is used only five times in the Old Testament once to describe one who exalts himself as foolish. So he's proud of the fact that he's a fool.

Four times it expresses disgust or contempt. All the above were true of Nabal. His lifestyle surely surfaced throughout their marriage. Unfortunately, he was also quite wealthy.

I say unfortunately because that usually adds to the arrogance. I mean, who does he need? Whatever he needs he can buy. Perhaps that's how he got his wife. For you wonder how a lady as lovely and wise as Abigail got stuck with a loser like Nabal.

How'd that happen? Most likely it was an arranged marriage. In that custom and in that era, marriages often were brought about in that way. And quite likely, the money that was offered was too much for her dad to turn down. And so, as it were, he sold her to Nabal. Some arranged marriages work beautifully, I'm told. If this was an arranged marriage, it was one that didn't.

But you see not one argument between the two of them. You read of nothing like that, thanks to Abigail. There they were, living near Carmel in the wilderness of my own. Nabal owns 3,000 sheep and a thousand goats.

That's a large flock and a large herd. And they grazed in the hillside. But you know nothing of Abigail's life. When she married, she entered a dark tent owned by Nabal. And she became what we would call a kept woman.

So much to offer, so much she could have taught her husband. But he's senseless. You don't teach Nabals. They're stupid. They're not interested in what you have to say.

Their opinion is the opinion. We see that surfacing in this story. Let's turn it into a movie for the next few moments together. It really begins with a majestic overture as the camera pans the hillside of my own. And the lens tightens in on a warrior who's standing alone looking across the hills which have those trails that goats make when they walk the hills. And yet there are no goats on the hillside and there are no sheep there.

But this warrior that you're looking at in the film is smiling. It's a happy day for him. He and his men have come to what could be called payday. Sheep sharing time has come. All the sheep had been brought back to the camp and they're put in the pen and he hears in the distance quite likely the bleating of the sheep as they are sheared. Nabal watches over it all while David in the hillside is making his plans to receive the pay he's earned.

You see, David has been in charge of a voluntary police force, if you will. Let's call them a hillside patrol. In those days, there were marauding wild tribes that would sweep down through the hillside and not only steal sheep but kill them and take them for their own meat and even go further and empty a camp, leaving it with only carcasses. They were wild and wicked.

This was a place where might makes right and only the rugged survive. David with, hear this, his 600 men patrol these hills and protected Nabal shepherds and quite likely other shepherds who kept the sheep of their masters. And at sheep sharing time, it was understood that the owner of the sheep would graciously and voluntarily offer a remuneration for the service of this Robin Hood type patrol that watched over his flocks without his hiring them or arranging for a fee.

But like our custom of tipping when the waiter has earned it for good service, so these patrols were paid out of the good graces of the sheep owners. David gets 10 of his men up close to himself. The camera tightens in on the scene and you read about it as he says to them, go down into Carmel with this message for Nabal. Verse 6, peace Shalom Shalom Nabal. Peace and prosperity to you, your family and everything you own. I'm told that it is sheep sharing time while your shepherds stayed among us near Carmel.

We never harmed them and nothing was ever stolen from them. Ask your own, your own men. They will tell you that this is true.

So would you be kind and since we have come at this time of celebration, please share from your prosperity whatever you feel is fair. The men convey the message and then they step back and wait for the answer. This is a moment of decision. Nabal makes it quickly. Who is this fellow David? He says in an insulting tone. Verse 10, Nabal sneered to the young men. Who does this son of Jesse think he is?

There are, there are lots of servants these days who've run away from their masters. Should I take my bread and my water and my meat that I've slaughtered for my shearers? Notice all the first person pronouns. I, me, my, mine, mine, mine and share it with you.

You who come from who knows where, get out. Well the men listened without a word of response. The young men returned according to verse 12 and they told, told David what Nabal had said. David loses it.

This is one of the things about David's put together, as my dad would call it, David's put together included rice moments. We'll see it again later and we have seen it on occasion and years past, studying his life. Here's a moment where he throws all restraint to the wind and he looks over his shoulder and he says to his men, put your swords on. They all strapped on their swords including David and 400 of the 600 men began to gallop down the hillside toward the cap of Nabal.

You can picture it in your mind. 200 remained to guard their equipment from being stolen, but 401 warriors with murder on their minds are on their way to Nabal's camp. Down that hill David is thinking all the wrong kind of thoughts. When I get to Nabal, I'll cut his throat so quick he won't know until he sneezes.

I am gonna finish him off, I'll slash him to pieces and along with him every one of the men in that camp and all of these warriors who are a little bloodthirsty anyway are right along with him and they're making their way down. In the meantime the camera shifts from the hills to the tent and we suddenly meet for the first time the wise wife of Nabal. Her name is Abigail. Some of her servants come to her and they say you need to know what's happened. You see Abigail knew nothing of the conversation, nothing of the insulting response, of course knew nothing of David's plan to retaliate. She's just there with her servants and they say to her these men have been very good to us and we never suffered any harm from them. Nothing was stolen from us the whole time they were with us.

In fact, day and night they were like a wall of protection to us and to our sheep. You need to know this and to figure out what to do for there's going to be trouble for our master and his whole family. He's so ill-tempered that no one can can even talk to him. He's history Abigail if you don't do something.

Now let me get realistic here. There's many a wife who would say ah sweet mystery of life. God moves in mysterious ways.

His wonders to perform. Goodbye Nabal. Not Abigail. I'm convinced the thought didn't enter her mind. She's lived with this fool all these years and she knows he's senseless, unreasonable, so she has to intervene wisely and graciously. She sets up a plan. Now she puts together the first catering service ever recorded and what a catering service it is. Verse 18, Abigail wasted no time.

Look at this. She doesn't pray. She doesn't discuss it. All on her own, wisdom goes into action. She gathers 200 loaves of bread, two wine skins full of wine, five sheep were slaughtered, nearly a bushel of roasted grain, a hundred clusters of raisins, and 200 fig cakes. What makes my jaws hurt reading that before lunch sounds great. I mean she packed them on donkeys and she said to her servants, go on ahead.

I will follow you shortly. Notice the closing words of this 19th verse. Look for yourself. She didn't tell her husband Nabal what she was doing. Wisdom. He would have never let her out of the tent. You're going to do what?

You're going to take him what? She knew that. You can't reason with a fool like this. By the way, I appreciate a number of you not yelling out amen. That's very good because I know some of you are in marriages that are very strained. I understand your plight and I know that you admire Abigail and wish you were more like her. She's a remarkable woman. Not a sin recorded against her. She's a sinner.

Of course she is. But in this vignette, she stands taller than anyone in the camp. By the way, as she is preparing the meal, putting it together, arranging for the donkeys, packing it up, she also puts together a little special gift for David himself. And now the camera moves to the scene.

Interesting. A little bit like the David Goliath scene of earlier days when David is making his way to the ravine and Goliath is stomping around the hillside on the other side. But all the people are reversed. David is not coming down to do the killing. And here is this woman alone on a donkey making her way up to meet this these galloping horses and these hungry men with murder on their minds. She was riding her donkey into a mountain ravine when she saw David and his men coming. They've never met.

There's been no acquaintance before. And David has just been saying, listen to him, a lot of good it did to help his fella. We protected his flock in the wilderness and nothing he owned was was lost or stolen. He has repaid me evil for good.

May God strike me and kill me if even one man of his household is still alive tomorrow morning. I mean, David means business. He's a warrior, remember. He knows how to fight.

And so do those men he's trained. Now, when Abigail saw David and those men around him, watch, watch. She got off her donkey. She quickly got off the donkey and bowed low before him.

Imagine it. She fell at David's feet and said, now this is one of the great speeches preserved in scripture. I'm going to read it slowly, carefully. I accept all blame in this matter, my Lord.

Please listen to what I have to say. I know Nabal is a wicked and ill-tempered man. In case you think she's in denial, read that again. She knows he's wicked. She knows what she's got for her husband.

Like every wife knows what she has and every husband knows what he has. And she says he's ill-tempered. Don't pay any attention to him. He's a fool, just as his name suggests. But I never even saw the men you sent.

I wasn't even aware of that. Now, my Lord, as surely as the Lord lives and you yourself live, since the Lord has kept you from murdering and taking vengeance into your own hand, let all your enemies and those who try to harm you be as cursed as Nabal. And here is a present that I, your servant, have brought to you and your young men. Please forgive me if I've offended you in any way. The Lord will surely reward you with a lasting dynasty. You are fighting the Lord's battles and you have not done wrong throughout your entire life.

Don't put this on your record. By the way, how can you be angry at a woman with a crock pot full of lamb stew? And you can smell it.

Man. And she's got it right there and she's got it right there for it. But she's not through. Get this, get the closing word.

She's prepared all of this while she prepared the meal. Even when you are chased by those who seek to kill you. That's referring to Saul and his army. David's still running from Saul. And Saul, mad man, is trying to kill David, jealous of him.

And she says, you have those trying to kill you. Your life is safe in the care of the Lord, your God. She believes that a sovereign God, he can't touch you, David. You're God's anointed.

You're secure in his treasure pouch. But the lives of your enemies will disappear like stones shot from a sling. When the Lord has done all he promised and has made you leader of Israel, don't let this be a blemish on your record.

Then your conscience won't have to bear the staggering burden of needless bloodshed and vengeance. And when the Lord has done these great things for you, please remember me. David melts. He replied to Abigail, praise the Lord. Well, we need to place our study on pause right here in the middle of a significant moment. Chuck Swindoll is teaching from 1 Samuel 25. He titled today's message, The Integrity of a Wise Wife. And to learn more about this ministry, just visit insightworld.org.

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You'll find all the instructions for video streaming the weekly worship service at insight.org slash Sundays. Join us when Chuck Swindoll continues his message about the integrity of a wise wife, Monday on Insight for Living. The preceding message, The Integrity of a Wise Wife, was copyrighted in 2021 and 2022, and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2022 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.