The Most Challenging of All Relationships (Part Two), Part 3

Most of us love shortcuts.

We prefer microwave ovens, overnight shipping, and almost anything that delivers instant results. But today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll reminds us that the best things in life take time. And that's especially true of our most treasured relationships. This is the sixth and final program devoted to a couple of verses in Ephesians chapter 5, where the Apostle Paul explains how to cultivate a healthy marriage. In his opening remarks for this message, Chuck said that creating a strong marriage is a lot like weaving an intricate tapestry. Masterpieces cannot be rushed. These are the threads woven into his plan for the marriage.

It starts with sacrifice. If your love isn't sacrificial, she knows it and it's having an impact on your marriage because you're selfish. You're unwilling to give up for her. She could tell it. And she knows something's wrong. She just may not know exactly what it is. It just comes out as being an unsacrificial kind of union. That won't work.

It won't do it. Second, sanctify verse 26, so that he might sanctify her. What in the world does that mean? To sanctify something is to set it apart for its original purpose. You set your wife's purpose apart and you and she agree on what that is. You help her fulfill her purpose as a wife, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. Verse 26 closes. When I read cleansing, I think of forgiving.

So I've chosen that word. Wives need forgiving, need forgiveness. Your role is to forgive her.

Forgive her before she even asks forgiveness. There's a fourth I'm calling honoring. We don't use it much outside the military. Honoring our wives.

Placing them on our hearts as objects of honor. I looked in my dictionary to find the definition of the Medal of Honor. And I found this definition. A U.S. military decoration awarded in the name of the Congress for conspicuous intrepidity at the risk of life in action with an enemy.

You look just like I looked. I go, intro what? Now you probably know what that means, but I don't. And I therefore looked up intrepid. We've heard it. We know it's the name of a ship.

We just don't know what it means, or some of us don't. Characterized by resolute fearlessness, fortitude, and endurance. Wow. That's a great woman. Characterized by fearlessness, fortitude, endurance. Talk about strength on parade. Talk about a Medal of Honor winner. All of the things that she has gone through and is going through and living with.

And it's our opportunity to pin the medal on her. That's one of the roles of the husband. Nobody on earth can do it like a husband, or should.

When they do wrong things don't happen. The woman in an affair isn't looking for someone else to get in bed with, not initially. She's looking for honor. She's looking for someone who will see in her the significance of her person and her place.

That is the husband's task. No one on earth has that job with Cynthia Swindoll, but Chuck Swindoll. No one else can do it like I, or should. It was my experience in the Marine Corps to know only two Medal of Honor winners. One stood by me in inspection on an occasion in San Francisco, I'll never forget it. We were standing under inspection of a full bird colonel before we were to ship out and the colonel walked by and standing next to me was a corporal with a Medal of Honor. When the colonel got to him he turned and faced him and saw the medal and saluted him and embraced him because he was wearing the medal above all other medals.

He had a number of other medals he could have worn, but that was the medal to wear. If you will hold your place here and turn to 1 Peter 3, you will see that our responsibility is to, well as he puts it, show her honor. 1 Peter 3 7, husbands in the same way live with your wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker since she is a woman and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life that your prayers will not be hindered. Show her honor. The word show means to assign something to someone.

Have you assigned her honor? We have a little red plate in our family and the red plate is enjoyed by family members from time to time for special reasons and every once in a while when it's birthday time or they've as they were growing up as they did something unusual we would give them the red plate. Written around the border of the red plate were words like you are special today and it was it was a an honor. It was usually given in surprise.

They didn't expect it. So we'd all come to the table we'd sit down and here's the red plate. It was great when you get the red plate. It occurred to me that I rarely ever gave Cynthia the red plate. Often the children and of all things sometime me but rarely do I recall any of us giving her a red plate.

Maybe Mother's Day or birthday. This is assigning honor not because it's a holiday or a special day but because she's who she is. Now I'm not through but let me ask you in light of sacrifice and sanctify and forgive and honor ask your question can you imagine any woman treated like this having difficulty allowing you to be the head? I never met a woman like that who's in her right mind who's healthy enough to understand what's happening. I've never met a woman who didn't crave to be with her man like that.

Of course not. It's the kind of leader anybody wants to follow. I mean I'd go into battle and die for a person like that. So what husbands to love their own wives? And look at verse 28 here's the second analogy as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. The first analogy was as Christ loved the church sacrifice sanctify forgive and honor now it's as your own body.

What does that mean? Well read on here he loves he who loves his own wife loves himself no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it as Christ also does the church. And here again is a person in their right mind. Now I don't mean that to be silly I mean that seriously.

Only those out of their mind plan to take their lives they hate their bodies they hate their lives they see no reason to go on to sunset or to daybreak but a person in his or her right mind takes care of himself. We take care of ourselves we make sure we don't go hungry we make sure that we're clean we got up this morning and if you men were like me you showered you you shaved you got ready for the day you didn't want to bring to church the same thing you had to look at when you first got up so you had to do something about it and you stood in front of a mirror and you worked on your hair or you worked on your your body you did whatever was necessary so that you would take care of yourself and to bring you before the public. That's all that's involved here it's called nourishing and cherishing. Nourishing is what we do, cherishing is why we do it.

Nourishing. I nourish my wife when she needs strength I provide strength as best I can for her. When she has doubts and uncertainty I do my best to reassure her with encouragement and affirmation. When she's swarmed with guilt and disappointment in herself I need to nourish her with words of reassurance and affection and that there will be another tomorrow and it's okay. If she needs relief if she needs tenderness and compassion and grief I weep with her and I feel deeply about her loss.

If her dreams were not fulfilled it's as if my dreams were dashed and I nourish her because I cherish her. And you know what happens when that occurs? Listen to this, there is a union that is formed that is deeper than a word can describe and Paul therefore chooses mystery. Mystery. Verse 32, the mystery is great. It becomes a phenomenon that defies full understanding so profound and unexplainable that two people this different can become this unified is a mystery. However the major threads if we could return to them are clear in verse 33 we're to love our own wife verse 33 states that's our part in it and she is to respect her husband and that's your part ladies.

Love, respect woven together into that which is valuable because it took time to create. Now I've had the pleasure of watching you through this message. It's been an interesting journey to watch you. You have to look at me and that has a major drawbacks but I get the pleasure of changing faces as I watch congregations. I've been doing it for a long time. If I've seen anything on your faces this is serious comment I've seen on the faces of men and women I just wish we could start over.

That's what I've seen. It's not meant as any kind of put down it's been an observation it's not in my notes it's a spontaneous comment I've seen it on your faces. Oh Chuck I wish you could have married us. Wait a minute I may not have been willing to do that back then and had I been willing I may not you may not have heard what you've heard because we hear things often after the scars. How much wiser we are years past. How much more we hear after the terror of our wrongs and the scars and the lacerations the wounds the bruises.

We hear so much more. I wish I had to do over. You know it brings me to one of my favorite sayings that I have used for years it's never too late to start doing what is right.

Never too late. This is your chance to do it right. Start today. When you're all alone and nobody's around and nobody's there to think you're doing it for the galleries and it's just you and her put your arms around her have a glycerin tablet ready and say sweetheart it's been a long time but today reminded me of some things I've been missing and I want to make them right. I want to start today. I'd just like to do it a second time.

I'd just like to start over. Winston Churchill the great Prime Minister of England during the war years and World War II was invited among other dignitaries to a wonderful evening at a banquet. This was a unique evening because when the meal was done the host stood and said I would like all of you who are dignitaries here to answer the question if you could not be who you are who would you most like to be?

If you could not be who you are who would you most like to be? One by one different dignitaries spoke it so happened that Churchill was last and everyone was wondering what he would say since he always had such a way with words. He stood to his feet and very calmly said if I could not be who I am and he turned and looked at Clemmie his wife of many years whom he adored took her hand and said I would most like to be Lady Churchill's second husband.

That old boy won some points that night didn't he? I'd most like to be her husband again and so would you. I'd like us to bow our heads for a few moments of searching. Thank you single friends for sitting through this so patiently and hearing what I hope for you is preview of coming attractions but even if it's not these are the things you can pray for us who are married who are working on the most challenging of all earthly relationships. It's been a long time since some of you men have thought this deeply about your marriage. We look next time at what the Lord says about parents and children so that awaits us but that's really secondary.

That relationship is never better than the bond of a mom and dad a husband and wife. This is where it starts. This is the one that's the more exacting.

Takes more time. Think back over the list. Sacrifice, sanctify, forgive, honor, nourish, cherish.

A couple of ideas about a pinning a Medal of Honor on her. Words of vulnerable tenderness. These all help you start over. The only reason you can't do it is you don't have the Savior. Now if you're without the Lord this is all activity of the flesh and it'll soon cool again. You'll be back on your own. So what a wonderful what a wonderful moment for you right where you're sitting to sort of build an altar before the Lord and right there in your lap and say here's my life Lord. You're the one that's been missing. I've tried all the other stuff but today I come just as I am sinful, lost, confused, broken, distant, and I thank you for taking me into your family. I come by faith alone in Christ alone to have a new life that only you can give me starting today. Contact us. Let us know that you've made that decision.

Don't try to make this journey on your own. You need help with it. There are a few things that some of us do really well but one of them is to help people grow spiritually.

We can help you do that. That's why we have a church. Why we have a church family. Lord today we're admittedly in a culture that's lost its way, forgotten the pattern if they ever knew it, have gotten the threads all mixed up, and the rug is a mess. It's really a disaster.

The fracturing of homes has become commonplace so that we no longer even raise our eyebrows when we hear of another one that goes under. I pray therefore that something which was presented from your exacting pattern called the Word of God would find root and bear fruit in some lives. That you give the men the courage to say I am wrong, I am sorry, please forgive me, let's start over. I pray that you would give the wives who have heard these words great capacity to believe their husbands, to work alongside them to help make this a reality. Thank you Father for Jesus who is here for us, who loved us and modeled all these things before us. Help us, Lord help us as we live out his life through the power of your spirit. And now unto him who is able to guard us from stumbling and to present us blameless, before your presence with exceeding joy, to the only wise God our Savior be glory and majesty, dominion and power, now and forevermore.

Through Christ our Lord we pray and everyone said amen. You're listening to the Bible teaching of pastor and author Chuck Swindoll. Today's message is titled The Most Challenging of All Relationships, and this is Insight for Living. To learn more about this ministry visit us online at insightworld.org. Although we've completed today's study in Ephesians 5, please don't rush away because Chuck will share some important personal news coming up in just a moment. First I'll remind you that Insight for Living Ministries has created a number of resources that we believe will enhance your Christmas season. If you're looking to enrich your spiritual journey in December or perhaps you're shopping for gifts and stocking stuffers, please take some time to consider your options at insight.org slash store.

In particular, I'll point out a favorite. It's the coffee table book called Kregel's Treasury of Illustrated Bible Stories. This volume includes 125 stories from the Old Testament and 125 stories from the New Testament with corresponding paintings designed to capture the imagination of your entire family. This hardbound book will become a keepsake that will be remembered for years to come. To purchase this beautiful keepsake called Kregel's Treasury of Illustrated Bible Stories, call us.

If you're listening in the United States, dial 1-800-772-8888 or go to insight.org slash store. Every brother in this vast world would be fortunate to have a big sister like mine whose name was Lucy. Just a few years my senior, and what an enormous inspiration she was to me, gratefully most of my memories about my sis are filled with hilarious laughter. One spontaneous story after another, Lucy would have our entire family doubled over, laughing so hard our eyelids flipped out. And the memory of those lighthearted moments helps us right now. Because as most of you know, we lost Lucy just a few weeks ago.

Her three-year decline ended on the 20th of October when she left us and stepped into the gates of glory. I share this personal sorrow with you because I know that you have suffered some losses in 2020 as well. It may not have been the death of your sister, but perhaps you went through a financial setback, maybe a layoff from your job, or even the loss of your health. I want you to know that I see you, I hear you, and I share your sadness.

More importantly, God does. The prophet Isaiah described Jesus as a man of sorrows and acquainted with our deepest grief. And so this month as we close the books on one of the most challenging years in human history, we do so not in defeat but in the anticipated joy of heaven's promise. And as we finish the last chapter of 2020 and open a brand new page to 2021, I invite you to join us in our all-out effort to bring this joy, hope, and comfort to a global audience of men and women just like you and me. Many are confused by a year of profound losses. With all my heart, I've never felt stronger about bringing joy to the joyless, hope to the hopeless, and great comfort to you who hurt.

And you can do that with me by financially supporting Insight for Living. You know, Lucy inherited a Swindoll treat. Like me, she was, well, kind of loud. She attended the church I pastor every Sunday morning, and I knew exactly where she was sitting because of her booming contralto voice when we would sing those hymns and songs of praises. There was such beauty and fullness in the music because of her voice.

As her brother and the preacher, I'll admit to you, I found solace and great delight in hearing Lucy take the harmony as I would usually take the melody. And now it's your turn. This is your time of the year to harmonize with us. We need your voice too. Insight for Living has never missed a day of broadcasting in 2020, and as long as God gives me breath, I'll be right here for you every single day of 2021. Please follow God's lead and let us hear from you. Give whatever amount He has placed on your heart, but do so soon. Together, let's tell the world that you're not alone. God hears your voice.

And here's how to respond to Chuck Swindoll right now. Call us if you're listening in the United States. Dial this number 1-800-772-8888. You can also use our convenient mobile app or go directly to our website at Insight.org. For nonprofit ministries like Insight for Living, there's no more important month in the calendar year than December. Please take this occasion to let your voice be heard. Once again, you can give a year-end donation by calling us. If you're listening in the US, dial 1-800-772-8888 or give online at Insight.org.

Our practical series continues tomorrow when Chuck Swindoll describes the secrets of a nurturing home, right here on Insight for Living. The preceding message, The Most Challenging of All Relationships, Part 2, was copyrighted in 2000, 2001, and 2009. And the sound recording was copyrighted in 2009 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.