Welcome to the In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley for Tuesday, September third. When someone hurts you, how do you respond? Today we'll learn how to be free from the damage caused by resentment and find lasting victory over unforgiveness. Last year, or maybe yesterday, or maybe this morning, somebody hurt you and you felt it. And your first response was to retaliate because you felt like you had a right to. So outwardly, you decided not to. But what you did, you stuffed it.
And it's on the inside. Or it may be that last year, or yesterday, or whenever, you saw somebody else that you thought was wronged. And you would like to have retaliated about that. But you didn't feel like you could.
So you stuffed that one. One of the most dangerous things a person can do is stuff resentment, anger, hostility, all of these things which really adds up to unforgiveness. In all this series of sermons we've talked about the different emotions that are deadly. And they cause all kinds of diseases, all kinds of hurt, all kinds of pain. And people live with it. Instead of dealing with it, they just live with it. And they have the idea that it's over because, oh, I have forgotten that. But if you stuffed it, you may have forgotten it in your mind, but your body is still being affected by what you stuffed. Because you see, unforgiveness may be stuffed, but you do not escape the consequences of an unforgiving spirit.
And so I want you to listen carefully to this message. Because many people think they don't have any unforgiveness in their life. But the truth is if they look deeply enough, it's probably there.
And if it's there, it's doing its damage just a little bit at a time. And if you'll turn to the fourth chapter of Ephesians, and I want us just to read two or three verses here. Beginning in verse twenty-six when the Scripture says, Paul said it, he said, don't let the sun go down on your anger, don't sleep with it. And do not give the devil an opportunity which says, if we don't deal with things right up front, we give the devil a toe hole in our life and the result is that's when he begins to work his destructive work. Then he says in verse twenty-nine, let no one hold some word perceived from your mouth, but only such a word is a good gratification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Listen to this, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. And then he says, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. That is the command of the Lord. And if you'll think about this, it is the only attitude that is befitting those who say that we are believers and followers of Jesus. An unforgiving spirit does not fit in the life of the follower of Jesus. Why did He come? He came for the purpose of dying on the cross to do what?
To make it possible that all of us would be forgiven of our sin. And here I am now as a believer and I'm unwilling to forgive somebody for what they've done to me or done to somebody that I love. And so, I hold resentment and hostility and anger and He says, as long as you do that, there's something between us. Watch this. Listen carefully. You cannot be right with God and have unforgiveness, resentment, hostility, anger, bitterness towards somebody else no matter what it is. You cannot. And so, that's why Paul says on two occasions, lay it down.
Lay it aside. Lay aside those things, make a decision, a determined decision that you will not allow in your life anything that, listen, that keeps you from becoming the person God wants you to be. And being able to achieve the things in life that God wants you to achieve. And there are many people in life who, listen, they've built their own barrier to progress. They've built their own barrier to love because they refuse to surrender what is poisoning their life. And as a result, they go through life wanting to blame somebody. Sometimes they just want to blame society. Well, it's this country I live in. Oh, it's these people.
Oh, if I were this and if I were that. Listen, all that blame doesn't get you anything but frustration, anxiety, and more anger and more unforgiveness. You see, it doesn't fit. You can't make unforgiveness fit anywhere in your life as a believer.
It doesn't fit. Godly men and women don't want to retaliate. They want to forgive. You know why we want to forgive? Because we want to live in keeping with the one who died for us and whose very life is all about forgiveness.
It just doesn't fit who we are. So, if I'm going to deal with it, number one, first of all, I have to acknowledge the fact that it's serious business. You don't deal with unforgiveness lightly. It's serious business to deal with unforgiveness because we're dealing with our relationship with Almighty God. We're dealing with our whole future when you deal with unforgiveness. So, you have to assume a responsibility for it. And when you say, or assume responsibility, I have to say and acknowledge God, I am bitter, I am resentful, I am hostile, I have an unforgiving spirit.
I accept it is true of me, Lord. And one of the reasons people will live with it is they just can't acknowledge yes. Watch this. Because what they want to dwell on is what was done to them, who did it, why they did it, how they did it, and how they suffer. They can't get over that.
Watch this. You have to look beyond your hurt and your pain. You can't focus on yourself.
So, if a person's not willing to do that, they're not going to deal with this. A third thing is this. You have to confess it. God, I'm bitter. God, I'm resentful. I resent how He was treated. I resent how she was treated. I resent how my kids are treating me. I resent this. Yes, Lord, I'm bitter. I don't deserve this.
This is not what I'm married for. On and on and on people can go. But I have to confess the fact that I am. You see, it's easy to confess something in private between you and God. Just you and God.
As if it's a secret. No, listen, I need to hear myself say it. God, I am guilty of resentment. I am guilty of holding a grudge. I am guilty, God, of disobeying Your law and being unwilling to forgive. I must be willing to confess it and acknowledge it. And I need to acknowledge the fact that it's a violation of the Word of God. You see, as long as I keep my focus on them, what they did, I won't do this. But I need to acknowledge the fact that I have a responsibility that I have an unforgiving spirit.
It is an act of rebellion toward God. In other words, I need to look at it like it is. You won't deal with it until you see it like God sees it.
As long as you can sort of smooth it over, wrap it up, put a bow on it, you can live with it, you think. And then, of course, you need to ask God to forgive you. Ask Him to forgive you. God, forgive me. I'm guilty. I've violated Your law. I've rebelled against Your Spirit. I've hurt other people and spread over to my family or whatever.
I need to ask You to forgive me. Then I have to ask God to enable me to forgive. Now, when a person has lived with somebody a long time and you've been hurt and hurt, or a short time, you've been hurt and hurt and mistreated and mistreated and accused and blamed, and somebody says, You've got to lay it down. You have to ask the Spirit of God within you to enable you to make a decision.
Not based on feeling, but make a decision. God, I choose to lay down my anger, my resentfulness, my hostility, whatever the words that are there. I choose to lay it down by Your grace and Your mercy and Your strength. You said You would enable me to do all things.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I choose to lay it down. I choose to root it out of my life. I'm asking You to take it out of my life.
I don't want it in my life. I give up my right to retaliate. I lay it all down. If you ask God to do that, will He do it? Absolutely. Why?
Watch this. You don't have to pray this. Lord, if it's Your will, I'll, mm-mm-mm, it is His will. Lord, I choose to lay it down. Not if it's His will, it is His will.
Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you. It's very clear what His will is. If there's any sin, any rebellion, any unforgiveness in my life, I need to confess it, repent of it, lay it down. And I don't have to ask Him if it's His will. I only need to ask Him to enable me by the power of the Holy Spirit.
All that hurt, all that pain, been there for years and years and years. I have to ask Him, Lord, enable me to lay it down. Will He? Yes. Now, watch this. You say, well, does that mean you won't ever think about it anymore?
No, it doesn't mean that. Watch this, but it means when you think about it, you just let it go. Just make it a flyby.
If you grab it and hold it, Satan gets a root. But when it comes back, you just say, that doesn't fit who I am anymore. That's what I used to do.
I don't feel that way anymore. I've laid it down. Now, all of us have laid down little things like that.
There's nothing too big for God. You can lay it down. It's, listen, it is a choice. It is a decision you make. I no longer want unforgiveness in my life. I absolutely and totally forgive.
It doesn't fit who I am any longer. I thank You, dear God, by Your awesome power. I lay it down. I choose to lay it down. You say, why do you keep saying that over and over again?
Because I want the last person in here to hear it. Lay it down. And when you go home, I want you to remember what I said. Lay it down.
That's what He said. He says, lay aside these things. You have the power to do it. Now, then you need to start praying for the other person. Let's say somebody's hurting you for years and years and years. You begin to pray for them. Ask God to open their eyes. That is, here's what happens.
Watch this. No longer is the center of my attention on me and how I got hurt, now the center of my attention is on them. And then, you might have to ask the Lord, and it would be a good thing to do this, Lord, what can I do for that other person?
What can I do for them? You say, you just don't understand. No, I don't. I understand that doing something for somebody who hurts you is powerful.
I do know that's true. And, listen, if they know what you're feeling, it may be that you need to go to that person and just be honest with them and say, I need to ask you to forgive me of something. Now, listen, if it's somebody who doesn't even have any idea what's going on, I'm not saying you should go to everybody. I'd ask God about that.
But if God leads you to go to that person, here's how you do it. You don't go to Him and say, well, back here under a year ago, here's what you did to me. It's over.
Here's what you say. You say, about a year ago, here's what happened to me. And I want to tell you, here's been my bad attitude and I need to ask you to forgive me for responding in the wrong way. I'm saying all that to say, if you really want to get rid of it, you've got to get rid of it. You've got to lay it down.
And listen, you have to be willing to be rejected. But as long as you deal with it, you're free. You're not free as long as you have an unforgiving spirit. Now, you say, well, how do you deal with somebody who's died? You say, well, that's all over.
No, it's not. Watch this. If you have bitterness towards someone, unforgiving spirit, let's just say like it's one of your parents. And you have that and they die. And you begin to grow in your Christian life and you realize the way you treated them, then you want to deal with it and they're gone. I'll tell you what, if you deal with that, here's the first thing that'll happen. All of a sudden, you'll feel this sudden, horrible, horrible emptiness that they're gone. And I can't do anything about it.
I won't ever be able to settle it, but you can. And I know this sounds simple, but it works. You sit in one chair and put a chair in front of you and put that other person in the other chair. You say, they're already in heaven.
It's okay. For this moment, they're sitting there listening to you. And then you say the same thing to them sitting in the chair as if they were there.
Now, watch this. What makes this work? God's listening. God's hearing your heart.
What's He doing? He's forgiving and cleansing and setting that issue. You can do that to that invisible person and you're asking them to forgive you. They don't hear it, hear. God hears it, you hear it, and that settles it.
That's the only way you're going to get rid of it. Now, how will you know, watch this, how will you know when you've forgiven somebody? Well, number one, when you see them, you won't see them the same way.
Secondly, those harsh feelings you had will be replaced by a whole different attitude toward them. Why? Because you laid it down. It's not in you anymore. You don't feel the way you felt.
Why? Because you asked God to forgive you and to cleanse you. You laid it down.
God emptied you of that. And what'll happen is you'll be, will it, watch this. And this may be a little difficult for you to think. You'll be willing to accept them just the way they are. Now, you say, well, oh my goodness, that may be a trap.
No, it's not a trap. Watch this. When you are forgiving, God is on your side.
He's working in your behalf. You'll be able to look at them from a whole different perspective. You'll be willing to see them in a whole different light. And in the process of doing so, you'll be able to accept them the way they are. And more than likely, you'll try to understand why they acted the way they act. It'll be different when you really forgive them. So, when somebody says, well, can I be sure?
Yes, you can. Well, maybe it's somebody that you've sort of avoided. You know, you see them coming and you very carefully and politely go the other way. When you have forgiven them, here's what you do.
You're waiting for them. And let me give you an example. When I first came to Atlanta, we had a big fight and the folks who tried to run me off, God ran them off. But one of those men is a man I really loved, genuinely. And I thought he loved and supported me, but he didn't. And so, he did something to me that really hurt me, tried to trap me in a situation, and the Lord just spared me of all that.
And he just couldn't face me. So, I'll tell you when I knew I'd forgiven him. One day I was at the Southern Baptist Convention and I saw him walking across the rotunda. And I thought, well, have I forgiven him or not? And I had this wonderful spirit of total freedom. I couldn't wait for him to come to me. But I knew that he was forgiven in my mind when I saw him.
And I couldn't wait to say, you know, hi, how are you? And I said to him, you're welcome to First Baptist anytime. Listen, you don't want any of your friends to die and you have an unforgiving spirit toward them.
It doesn't mean it's what they've done. You and I want to be free. And there's only one person who can make you free. And Jesus said, I'll make you free and you'll be free indeed.
You do not want to be bound by a destructive attitude such as unforgiveness. And Father, how grateful we are for Your love for us. You know we stumble and fall and fall and You pick us up. And You teach us and You keep on instructing us.
Thank You for being patient with us and understanding. And I pray the Holy Spirit will take this message, oh God, let it not be ignored under any condition. Let it stick for every person who hears it.
And I know that there are people who will hear it around the world who are living in horrible situations. Would You grant them, dear God, the grace to believe Your Word and to trust You that You will see them through whatever they're going through. And I pray for every person who finds themselves in one of those positions struggling with unforgiveness. Grant them, dear God, the power to lay it down. That they will not have to sleep another night with a spirit of unforgiveness, the peace, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, all the wonderful qualities that You provide for us. And we ask You this in Jesus' name, amen. Thank you for listening to Victory Over Unforgiveness. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or In Touch Ministries, stop by intouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.
