Hope in Infertility and PTSD

Welcome to Hope in the Morning. turning tragedies and tears into testimonies of hope. Welcome to Hope in the Morning. I'm your host, Emily Curtis, and today we are talking about maintaining hope and joy. when your deepest desires are unmet.

Trusting the Lord when your prayers seem to go unanswered can be a very difficult and painful journey. When your unmet desire is the desire for children, it can add an extra layer of confusion and heartache. I'm joined by two very special guests: my brother, Spencer, and my sister-in-law, Melanie Markley. Thank you for joining me today, you guys. Thanks for having us, sir.

So today, on today's episode, we are talking about A little bit about the loss of children, you know, early miscarriage, and we're talking about infertility as well, and just kind of what that. what that journey looks like as believers, but especially from Different perspectives. You know, it's a different journey as a wife than it is as a husband.

So, um, Would you guys be willing to kind of tell me how How long did you guys tried for a family before you realized that maybe you were going to need some help with that? Yeah, I would say we've been trying since December of 2016. We found out we were pregnant in June of 2017. I didn't know I was pregnant. I just thought I was having very heavy periods.

So. Yeah, that was that was hard and then When was that? To summer of 2023 is when we had our second miscarriage.

So yeah, it's been nine years. Since we've been Yeah, since we've been trying. We were trying a little bit earlier than that when we were still in California. Um, so she's been off birth control since then, but Um yeah, so I mean that's probably Twenty thirteen or fourteen.

So A while.

So it's been, okay, so it's been a long ten years. Yeah. You guys have been trying, and you said that you. Had an early miscarriage where you didn't even know that you were pregnant yet. Can you tell us about that?

Yeah, well, we were living in New York at the time, and I remember. I took a train to Grand Central and so for work. And there was a beautiful nurse, she's from Nigeria, and we'd always cross paths. She'd walk off the train, I'd walk on the train, and she saw me, and it was in June of 2017. She goes, Honey, you're glowing, you're pregnant.

And I looked at her and I'm like, What? And she goes, Honey, you're pregnant. I did not know how to process that, to be honest with you, because I'm, you know, here's like my insecurity of like, am I getting fat? Like, how does she know I'm pregnant?

So, yeah, and again, that I kind of held on to that. And then I remember a few weeks later, I had been sleeping and I just naturally just cradled my stomach when I rolled over. And it was two days later where one of my good friends, Laura, she was living in New York at the time, and I stayed the night. And she had mentioned for me to go to urgent care. I'd been having just really bad cramps.

And again, I was just bleeding a lot. I was going to the bathroom a lot, running to the bathroom left and right.

So I'm thankful that she literally pleaded with me to go to urgent care to get checked before Spencer and I left for our trip. And so I went into urgent care and the nurse had asked me, Do you think you're pregnant? And I said, No, I'm not pregnant. I think I just have really heavy periods and I'm cramping a lot. And so.

Took a urine sample, the doctor came in, he asked me the same thing: do you think you're pregnant? And I'm like, nope, I told your nurse I'm not pregnant. And he said, Well, Melanie, your urine sample is saying that you are pregnant. Again, in that moment, it was like hard to process because I had no idea I was pregnant. And so, long story short, he said for me to go to the hospital, I had to get tests ran.

I called Spencer, was really excited. I remember walking out of urgent care and just wishing everybody a great day. Even the nurse staff, I was just on cloud 10, closer to heaven. Called Spencer and His reaction really interrupted my moment of joy because I didn't know if he wanted to believe it, but he just said, You just need to go to the hospital and make sure to. Get we need to get done, and I remember getting upset with him.

This is like a special moment. Like, why are you? But. What was your reaction to that? Honestly, I don't remember.

Yeah. It was it was a A while ago and everything was crazy when we were living in New York. I don't remember that phone call. Uh but I definitely don't think that I acted appropriately.

So probably, right?

So it's, yeah, it's. Just a mixture of, I don't know, being a man and not knowing how to Express your feelings, and then also in the military, the same thing in the PTSD that I have from that. Uh really affects your ability to express your your feelings and uh kind of be upfront with that kind of stuff. Um So, the second time that she told me, I reacted correctly. Yes.

With the second pregnancy, you mean? Yes. So, Melanie, when you're saying that. that he kind of Put a damper on your joy in that season? Is that because he didn't respond as excitedly as you thought?

He responded more. Almost like, okay, well, we don't know if this is legit, you need to go to the hospital type thing. Correct. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

So once you went to the hospital, you were still alone. You weren't with him, right? Correct. So yeah, I went to the hospital. Um You know, got checked in, they ran, you know, um, blood or, you know, took blood samples and everything.

And then I went to the ultrasound room and I remember just their, you know, pushing me in the bed. And I remember just going through these halls, like, Lord, oh my gosh, like, I can't believe I'm pregnant. You know, it was just a surreal moment. Um So while the tech Um Was you know running the ultrasound? He had said, Melanie, I'm sorry, but you're not pregnant.

And here there was just confusion that just hit me: like, well, wait a minute, the doctor at urgent care said I was pregnant, so what's going on?

So, after the tech was done, I just remember hearing him like crunch numbers in the laptop that he had, and he goes, Melanie, I'm so sorry. Wait a minute, on a scale from five through 50, I think with your what is it called? Your HCG, thank you. Um, he had mentioned you rate a seven, um, so you are pregnant. But again, you know, the doctor will go over your blood samples and everything.

Your blood tests, and I'm like, okay. But I just remember going, you know, being rolled back into my room. Like, I am so confused. I'm pregnant. I'm not pregnant.

Now I'm pregnant again. And so. I do remember, like you said, sis, like just being alone because Spencer wasn't there. I remember the doctor came in, had the worst bedside manner ever, and said that I had an eatopic. pregnancy or miscarriage and thankfully the throws of sweeteners.

She grabbed my hand tightly. Um Because it was hard, it was hard for me to, you know, accept the news when you know, I just felt like I was getting bounced around like a basketball. You know, I am pregnant, I'm not, I am, um, and not having my husband by my side. Um, but I do remember before the doctor came in. I remember getting my phone and taking a picture because I wanted that moment to also be a moment of reflection: like, Lord, no matter what happens, I'm going to serve you, I'm going to praise you, I'm going to continue to walk this narrow road with faith.

And so, And you know, when I'm thankful that I had that moment 'cause that moment does flash up on Facebook, and so again, it's still a reflection of just his faithfulness, even though it's hard. Yeah, it's I still choose to believe, continue to walk by faith. Yeah. And now you guys chose to name that baby. What would you tell me, Spencer, what you guys named that baby?

Or you can call a lifeline. You named that baby Faith, and why was it important to you guys to name that baby? Because it gives So especially for like For me, uh having only had that instance where you know she was uh pregnant for just a short amount of time and then she had lost the baby and I really didn't have Um Like, feel like I had that much of an attachment because we hadn't spent that or I hadn't spent that much time thinking about it or anything. Um So, to be able to name it, you kind of are able to associate emotions and stuff like that with it. And so, it really.

Uh just Kind of solidifies it. Mm-hmm.

So it helped you connect more as the father.

So with with that pregnancy, especially for you, Spencer, did that. Increase your desire. more to want to have a family. I would say it probably was Half half.

Okay, so you just weren't really sure? We're we're good. with our life now, but we would be m you know, more than happy and feel very blessed if we had children. Um But the Lord has blessed us in our life now, so we are content. Um but we are still trying As best we can for a child.

Spencer knows my desire. I want a baby. I mean, being around a baby earlier, I just I even told Spencer, like, You know, let's look into that option of fostering, you know.

So, I mean, Lord knows my heart's desire to have. Have her own? You know, I think that's one of the things that is worth discussing is that a lot of times. When it's difficult to start your own family, people want to say automatically, oh, you can always foster, or you can always adopt. How does that feel as a couple that is struggling to have your own biological children?

What does that feel like? It's difficult, and it's not something that you want to hear. Like she. Today, when she saw the baby, she was like, Oh, we could foster. And then I reminded her of the fact that you have to give it up sometime.

So if you have attachment to that child. And then you can't keep it. then it's going to be traumatizing and very hard. Um you know, however many times you decide to foster a new child.

So. Having your own kid. You'd be able to raise it the way you want to. Um And instill your values in them and see them grow up. You don't have to worry about.

you know, giving them up or having them taken away from you.

So Uh It's difficult. Because obviously you want to have your own child and be able to Kind of extend your own Legacy and see yourself grow up in that child.

So adopting is a little bit closer to that than fostering. Uh but still it's It's not the same. I think something that's important too to note is that not everybody Feels a calling for those. And even as you're saying, with fostering. Part of the big calling in that is that you are called to love those children.

You're called to get attached to those children, and they're worth getting attached to. Those children, they need that, they need that security of knowing they're loved in that moment. But you do have to go into it. With a willingness to have a broken heart over and over again, because that's what that calling is, and that's not a calling for everybody in the same way that adoption is not necessarily placed on the hearts of everyone either. What are some things that each of you would say as the mother or the father that are not helpful.

to be said in these circumstances. See your question. Hmm. Probably like when you have an early miscarriage, even if it's just. you found out a day and then the next day You find out that you've lost the baby.

Uh if someone says, well, at least it wasn't a full-term baby or you know brought Um You didn't give birth to it, and then it passed away. It's still traumatizing, it was still very traumatizing for her. Yeah. I had a few close friends, yeah, mention that. Oh, you're only, you're only that, you know, six weeks, eight weeks pregnant.

That's hurtful. Yeah. You know, especially for somebody who's been trying for years.

Well, because as soon as. You hear the news, like the second time she told me that she was pregnant, instantaneously I had all these thoughts of. you know, if it's a boy or a girl growing up and things I would do and uh you know, teach them and and that kind of stuff. And I mean that happens As soon as you find out you're pregnant. And so I'm sure that happened for her the first time.

So she was just having all these dreams and visions of the future with her child. And so it doesn't matter how long you carry the child. As soon as you find out that you're pregnant, if you want a child, you have all these dreams and aspirations. And visions of what your life's going to be like, and you have. hope and uh excitement and then that's all dashed when that you know, is taken away.

Yeah. Well, when we come back, we're going to talk about what are helpful things to discuss with people that you may love that are going through a hard time of fertility, but also You know, discussing how the Lord has comforted you guys in this and how you guys have comforted one another as well.

So join us when we come back on Hope in the Morning. Do you have a heart to comfort the hurting? Do you want to show the world that through Jesus Christ we can have hope in all circumstances?

Well, then we welcome you to visit hopeinthemorning.org and see how you can join us in these ministry endeavors. May you be encouraged by who our God is as you continue this episode of Hope in the Morning. To learn more, visit us at hopeinthemorning.org. Hope in the Morning is a non-profit ministry that seeks to encourage the hurting. Equip those who walk beside them, and evangelize the lost with the hope of Jesus Christ.

To partner with our ministry or to make a donation in your loved one's honor, please visit hope in the morning.org. Your donation helps keep these stories of hope on the air and helps tangibly meet the needs of the herd. Welcome back to Hope in the Morning. I'm sitting here today with Spencer and Melanie Markley, and we are talking about hope in infertility. I'm going to open with one of the poems that we have in our book, Hope in the Morning, called Be Still.

The very God who we cry out to, when our hearts are heavy and full of anguish, is Himself acquainted with our grief. He bore our suffering, and he is not removed from our sorrows. Beloved, rest your weary head upon his breast, and he will give you peace that passes your comprehension. He will shelter you under his wings, and he will exchange your yoke for his. When you call upon his name in the valleys, behold, he is there, and he bends down to listen.

If it is He that you seek, and in His name your hope is placed, you shall not be disappointed never shall He leave you, nor shall He forsake you. His plans for you are kind and altogether good. Though the valley be dark and the mountain steep, fear not He is working all things together for your good. In your weakness he shall sustain you with his unfathomable strength. There is none on earth nor in heaven like our God.

There is not one created thing that can thwart the mighty hand of the Creator. The very waves obey his voice and with a word are stilled. The heavens declare his glory, and not a sparrow falls without his watchful eye. Take courage, precious one, for far more dear to him are you than any other created thing. Take courage and find your rest in him, for he will fight for you you need only be still.

Part of one of the lines in this poem that I had written says, When you call upon his name in the valleys, behold, he is there, and he bends down to listen. And that's based on a verse in the Psalms that talks about, because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath. And sometimes, when we have such a strong desire in our heart and something that we want so badly, and we pray over and over and over, and it seems to go. Unlistened to. Like it can leave us feeling unheard.

and sometimes even unloved. By the Lord. And I would love to just ask: what have your prayers looked like, each of you, during this hard season? I think it's Definitely navigated to like Lord, if it's your will. But I also have those moments of Lord, you also know my heart.

Um you know, anytime I see just a you know baby girl or A baby boy. I mean, I was in Vegas visiting my parents and Last day, there, there was this precious little girl all dressed in pink, and I knelt down right in front of her. And she knelt down, so she was a little bit below me, and she was just touching my pink dress and touching my necklace. And her mom was saying, Oh, she loves hearts. I didn't even think twice, so I took off my necklace and gave it to her.

And it just sharing with my dad in and out after, like, that's just those moments were so precious to me. you know, even though I see random, you know, strangers, beautiful kids, I just, I just need to connect with them. Because like I said, it's hard because You know, I was even thinking about it this morning on the way. Like, Lord, is that. My ministry is just to be a light in that moment to children, you know.

So, um, But you know something my dad always shared with me is the Lord knows your heart. you know, just a C kid. What would you say for you? What's what's What's been either a prayer that you've had, Spencer, during this time, or even Like a battle of the heart. Like, what are your conversations with God look like during these past 10 years?

It's probably the same about Uh you know, if it's his will. then we would love a child. Um And obviously, you know, he knows the desires of our heart that we You don't want a child. Um I think that Like battle wise it's a lot of Um Just kind of difficulty. with the process of um In vitro fertilization, like there's just a lot of steps to even get to the The Insemination part.

So you have to go through all these tests and everything for both of us and health and all these questionnaires and money.

So it's even a very difficult process in that respect. And then on top of that Um Having Issues from PTSD and stuff like that just kind of filters way in. You know. increases me being more prone to uh depression and stuff like that.

So Um it's difficult to Sometimes just keep positive and you know a positive outlook and just keep trying to go on. Um you know, but just praying for God's will and knowing that he has a plan and that if we are meant to have children, that we will have children. But it is a daily struggle and a battle, especially when I see her. Um grieving and just really wanting a child so bad. Yeah.

So, as a husband, Spencer, you know, you've mentioned that you. Have PTSD from being in the military, and that that can make it hard to connect to things emotionally. Um And you know, I know from being Melanie's sister-in-law that she has a very sweet, tender heart and How how have you been able to lead her and meet her emotionally? Or what on the flip side of that, what hindrances have there been because of your PTSD? There's been A lot of hindrances.

Um we actually are going through Uh PTSD couples therapy through the VA. We're almost done now, but. Uh I had been taking out kind of not realizing it, but taking out my anger and stuff on her. Um And then she just brought it to my attention one day and it was just like A flood of realization: like, I don't want to do that, obviously, and I was not aware. that I was doing it.

And so this has helped me kind of View Myself and my emotions and stuff like that, that I might have in a certain instance or lack thereof. in a different light and and challenge them because obviously I have a lot of negative thoughts. about myself or or whatever and so In this therapy, we're learning to Positively argue against those.

So. doing that and then um Also Being more open about what I'm feeling, whether it is a positive feeling or a negative feeling with her. Uh because that's another thing is, you know being afraid of vulnerability. And in the military, when you have a mission to accomplish, you don't have time for feelings because feelings could get you killed. You have to have your attention.

On the mission until it's complete.

So, you know, we're trained to push it down and push it to the back of our minds, and a lot of times that just. continues throughout your life. um and that's not healthy in your marriage.

So Um I'm very thankful that she brought it to my attention and that we were able to address it, and it's getting better. Obviously, it's going to be a lifelong continuation, but hopefully. I'll be able to work on it day by day. with her help and the Lord's help, it will get better as time goes on. You know, one of the things that I hear in that that I think is such a beautiful thing for all men really to listen to is just the amount of humility that it takes to acknowledge the fact that these are struggles that I have, especially if your struggles are rooted in Lack of emotion because there's like culture wants to tell men that that's a strength, to lack emotion.

But I think that it just shows what a great leader you're wanting to be for your wife because you are willing to say, The way that I'm doing things right now is hurting her And I don't want to hurt her. I want to get whatever help I need to get and humble myself in those ways so that I can connect with her. Melanie, how has that made you feel? Being able to have counseling with him and discuss, I'm sure, PTSD and even some of the infertility things that are kind of woven in together. Yeah, it was definitely an eye opener for me and definitely just broke my heart, you know.

Knowing that he had been walking, you know, alone through this, and you know, it's just definitely been. very impactful though. Especially just you know, in our marriage, but also, you know, with each other and, you know, in our own lives and having to just kind of unpack all this, you know, traumas that we both had been through growing up.

So it, you know, again, I feel it's definitely brought us closer. Which I know we've said that probably in every session, but I'm just, you know, thankful that Spencer chose to, okay, you know, he needs to move forward to get better, to face his trauma, to face the PTSD, which I know is not easy.

So, but I, you know, just even the stories that he shared just broke my heart, you know, and again, like, just also be more aware, you know, of what he's going through and mentally checking in, you know.

So, yeah, I'm very proud of him. And for those of our listeners that are tuning in and, you know, wondering a little bit, About your background, Spencer. You were a medic in the army, right? Yes. And you were out in Afghanistan and Iraq?

Yes. Okay.

So you served how many years? Uh it's about five Five years active duty and then like a year, year and a half. on uh National Guard. And it was right in the middle of the war. I mean, you.

Yeah, it was 2004 to 2009 was active duty. And you left it at 19 years old? Is that correct? Is that right? I believe so.

Nineteen or twenty, you were young. Yeah. And you met Melanie not long after you got out, right? Yeah, 2009. Or 2010, I met in 2010.

Yeah. So it's not a lot of time to work through. all that you have seen and experienced in that time and then to Face something as difficult as infertility when your heart is desperately wanting a child and maybe even feeling like there could be. a level of healing that comes from that baby. Um That's a challenge, you know.

And you talked about with your counseling, how you're learning to. Correct, correct the way I say this, because I'm not gonna say it right, but you're learning to address your different thoughts. Say how'd you say that again? Hello. Positively argue against your thoughts.

So if you're thinking, I'm not good enough because of so-and-so reasons. Those thoughts just creep in all the time, especially for me.

So finding positive. thoughts to argue against that, like You are good enough. You have done this and this and this, and you're still doing this, and you're learning, and all this stuff. Um So I mean For everyone, you're going to have those negative thoughts, some people more than others, and just. to be able to think.

positive thoughts that argue against it. might bring you out of that negative thinking. I love what you're saying because it's so closely ties to what Scripture tells us, which is to take every thought captive. And that's something that we all have to do no matter what you're going through.

Some situations are harder than that because things are just running through your mind constantly. But to take every thought captive, I saw this verse 2 in Isaiah that says, You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you. And I've heard that from both of you guys today that You guys, you mentioned it, Spencer, that you guys are content with where you are at, but also you guys have a desire to grow your family. You have a desire to have a child. Your mind is at peace.

It's content because you guys trust in the Lord. And you guys have displayed that not only today on the show, but as your sister and sister-in-law, I can attest that I've seen that. I've witnessed that, that you guys, I mean, you guys love on our children very, very faithfully and beautifully. You know, I love the fact that you guys are willing to come on and talk transparently about What the Lord what the Lord has deemed good for you guys to grow you, which a lot of times we don't like that. You know, the things that cause us to grow, it's a painful process.

And I so appreciate you guys being willing to come on and talk vulnerably. Have you guys seen where going through the infertility and the PTSD. There were times, especially with the PTSD, where it It was not something that brought you guys together. It was a hard thing. You know, because you know, you talk about how depression even was, it's a battle when you go through something like that.

And, you know, I know from having been through depression before. What you think you, what you want is not what you need, and what you want is oftentimes to be alone. You know, you don't want that interaction, but that's what you need. That's one of the things that really helps encourage our spirits when we are in the depth of despair. Um did you guys find that before going to counseling, did you have any tools that you guys had come up with between the two of you that were helpful in your communication as a couple?

Yeah. Definitely tools that helped us in counseling. No, before counseling. Oh, before counseling. No.

Yeah, I mean. I mean, we talked. But it wasn't especially my end. Like I would listen to her, but I wouldn't share. anything that I was going through and And as a man And as a uh soldier, you know, but but but men in general like to take the responsibility and The burden on themselves and not share with their spouse, and being able to share with your spouse, they can know what you're going through.

You're not. shouldering that burden all by yourself. Um which can lead to negative feelings if you know I'm not good enough, I'm failing at this because you're the only one trying to carry all that weight where you're married and your spouse is there to help you as well. Yeah. Did did you almost feel like as a man, did it almost feel like you were protecting her by doing that, by by hiding your emotions?

Somewhat, yeah. Especially like the P T S D related stuff because, you know, that's not on her. It it's not She wasn't a part of that or anything like that, but because we're married It works its way into your everyday life as a married couple. And so if you're not on the same page, she doesn't know what you're going through. Um and she just sees you know you snapping out of nowhere or you not wanting to go out and do anything.

Um Or you're not being able to accomplish things around the house because you're depressed, or you just don't have the motivation because. Of the PTSD depression, then she is viewing it in a different light than if you had told her and brought her into that world. Melanie, what would you say to wives that are in marriages like this? Like, how could you encourage them to be? patient and One of the things I really admire about you and love about you is that you Almost always have a very joyful countenance.

And I think that you are very. You're a long-suffering person in a very selfless way. And how would you encourage other women who feel like Maybe they feel like their marriages are falling apart. In these seasons, whether it's falling apart because of PTSD or falling apart because of the toll that infertility is taking on their marriage. How would you encourage other women?

Yeah, um Yeah, it's a lot definitely a lot of prayer, a lot of you know personal time with the Lord. You know, there are times when I need to go to church by myself, you know, because I know he has had his, you know, PTSD and you know, continues to make progress on it. But, you know, again, it's also just giving it to the Lord, whether if it's crying, whether if it's screaming, whether if it's going in your closet, you know, putting on that praise and worship music, even just writing out my thoughts, just having a prayer journal, and just, you know, really seeing again, just the faithfulness that, you know, God has brought me through or brought both of us through. But, you know, marriage obviously it's not two, you know, it's three, you know, the Lord and both of us. And so, I mean, Marriage is obviously not easy, um, and especially too.

Like, I've always had a heart for our men and women, you know. that have served our country. And so something that also the Lord put upon my heart is you are serving me by serving an Army vet. And so that's definitely something that I can also resonate with. Because again, growing up, I always just had a fascination for our veterans and stuff.

So again, but it wasn't going in and a walk in the park or a picnic or rainbows and butterflies. It's definitely a lot. And again, these last few months have just opened my eyes to a whole new depth of. What your brother has gone through, what he continues to go through. But again, he doesn't have to go through it alone.

You know, he has a partner to walk through with him and to continue to, you know, just pray for him and continue to cover him in prayer, too. Yeah. And that was one thing that. was difficult for me was I didn't want to go to therapy. Especially with her, because uh the vulnerability and having her possibly see me in a negative light.

Um so it was very difficult for me to convince myself to go until she told me that I was taking all that stuff out on her. And then I knew that there was no options. It was something I couldn't fix on my own. And I had been praying that it would get fixed and stuff like that, but the Lord puts. people with this skills and ability in your life To be able to help you get through certain situations.

So even if you're praying, he may have an answer there for you. Uh through one of these professionals. Yeah. I think I think that's a great Reminder because it's hard to ask for help and it's hard to be vulnerable, even I mean. like you're saying, like you want her to view you a certain way as As your wife, you know, you want her.

To view you as this pillar of strength, and nothing bothers me, and I can just let anything roll off my back. But there's so much strength, and we see it time and time again, actually, on this show, like, there's so much strength in being vulnerable. Because so often, too, when we are willing to be vulnerable, that's when people come alongside you. And not only that, but even with you coming on today and being willing to talk about. I suffered for years and years with this, and I suffered silently.

Here's what finally helped me, and you know, and that looked like my wife, that looked like. Getting counseling, it looked like prayer, it looked like. Humility. All of those things.

So other men that are listening to this think Oh. Maybe maybe there is some hope for me. But if we're not willing to be vulnerable about our suffering or about our weaknesses, How can we share the hope of Christ if we don't share? How he gave us his strength and our weakness. If we act like it's all our own strength, What do you need the Lord for?

What do you need Jesus for? You know, it's not our strength. And, um, I think it's wonderful that you saw How it would benefit your marriage to bring her in on that and make her feel a part of that. How she in turn has been patient and faithful and willing to say like Like you were saying, it's not her problem. That's what you were saying: that your PTSD stuff is not her problem.

Well, she loves you so much that she's saying, I want to take on some of your burdens. That's a beautiful picture of how Christ is with us. You know, He tells us. Come, exchange my yoke. for yours because my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

And that's what he desires for us. The strength, the to take on our sorrows and take on things that we feel like This seems to be a hidden Sorrow because it's too big for anybody else to understand, and if they know these things about me, they'll never think the same. of me. But as Christians, That's That's one of the big reasons why this ministry exists, is because we want to show that as Christians, we aren't superhuman. We're not somehow a different breed of human because we believe in the atoning blood of Jesus.

We suffer the same trials that unbelievers do. But our hope is completely different. You know, and so it gives us it allows us to have joy. because you know that this is not all you have. The Lord will see you through that, and He has chosen these trials for you for whatever reason.

you can trust that they're for your good one way or another. Even though, you know It doesn't, we don't always like the plan and the plan doesn't always feel good, but he can work through that. And I think you guys are just a wonderful Testament of that of how the Lord time. Can shine through one another so that you can be a hope and an anchor to somebody else.

So I really appreciate you guys. I wanted to say one or a few other things. One was. If you share What's going on with you and the burden that you have, then your spouse can help carry that weight, but at the same time, Like I said The PTSD and the negativity and all that works its way into your marriage.

So if she's in the dark, She might start having negative thoughts, like, oh, it's me. He doesn't love me. He, you know, hates me, wants to take his anger out of me. But if you let her in, She can share not only the burden, but also be enlightened as to why you might be Acting this way, and know that it's not her. Know that you're dealing with your own stuff, um, and you're just you know, trying to get through it.

And another thing was Um It's okay to be scared to share your feelings or go to therapy. But If you do it, that does show strength, just like Jesus, before he went to the cross, he was praying and said, Lord, if there's any way you could take this cup from me, do it. He was The strongest man ever uh to live And yet he was still scared to go through with God's plan. But he did it anyway. And that's You hear it all the time, courage is being afraid, but doing it anyway.

And it's the same thing, even vulnerability. You can be afraid, but it does show courage to face that fear and do it for the betterment of your marriage. And uh just being closer and and you know having a godly marriage that um if you're both sharing everything. Yeah. And that's what one of the counselors had asked us: who, who's, do you want him to be your rock?

And I said, no, like, I also want to be his rock, but obviously, our rock, you know, is the Lord. And so that's where we draw our strength from, you know?

So. Yeah, I so appreciate you guys coming on, and I love those final words of just saying that there is. Their strength when we face our fears. Like that, is that courage, is being afraid. and doing it anyway and saying that okay lord you've called me to this And this scares me, this path scares me.

It's not what I would choose, but I will do it anyway because I trust you. You know, like we read earlier, that you'll keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you.

So thank you so much for joining us today, you guys, on Hope in the Morning. Thanks for having us. Thank you. Thank you. Join us again next week for another episode of Hope in the Morning.

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