Hope for the Caregiver Show

Live on American Family Radio, this is Hope for the Caregiver. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. For those of you who are putting yourself between a vulnerable loved one who has some type of chronic and even worse disaster, this is the show for you.

I'm Peter Rosenberger. I am your host. We're so glad that you're joining us here on American Family Radio. The call-in number is 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840. We are live and we are glad to have you with us. 168 hours in the week. But this is the one hour for the family caregiver here on American Family Radio.

And we are just real thrilled about this. A couple things I need to talk about. You could also listen to this show on Alexa. My folks do. And I got to tell you about this for a second.

If you'll just allow me to depart from our normal scheduled activities. My mother and my father, we got them Alexa so they can do this. Mom has some vision issues. And Dad has some technical issues. Now they're listening right now. And this has been a real help to them to be able to use this device.

Now, a lot of people worry about the security issues because Alexa is listening and there's a lot of information flowing back and forth. And under normal conditions, I would worry about that. But with my parents, no. No, I'm not worried because let me explain to you my parents. My dad's been a minister now for 60 years, roughly. And mom has been right there with them. And their home has been a refuge for so many people. People that have just gone through all kinds of trauma.

So I guarantee you whatever information that the... I'm sorry, this just makes me laugh. That Alexa may get out of my parents pales in comparison what my parents will get out of Alexa. They will be ministering to Alexa and dealing with her family trauma for decades that she struggled with.

And they will go back into that. And Dad will never say it right. He always calls her Alexis. And mom and Dad will... They look at Alexa as really a part of the family now because she shows up whenever they call and it's always so helpful, but they're concerned that she may be codependent because of her eagerness to help.

And so they want to really get into that and make sure she doesn't have any kind of roots of bitterness towards her family. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. And there are people that are watching right now on Facebook Live and there are people that are listening that know my parents. And my parents are ministering to Alexa right now, I promise you this. But anyway, you can listen too on American Family Radio.

And there's so many ways you can listen to this. And we're so grateful that American Family Radio has got out in front of this issue by addressing the needs of the family caregiver. The family caregiver is an at-risk individual. There are 65 million people that are doing this.

And here's the deal. If you love somebody, you're going to be a caregiver. If you live long enough, you're going to need a caregiver. And when I started doing this show years and years ago, a couple of years ago, this month, actually, I was on one station. And now it's just exploded to what we're doing here and all across the nation because the need is just so big. And people think of it as nursing homes and taking care of the elderly.

And no, it's not. It's dealing with special needs children. It's dealing with mental illness.

It's dealing with addiction issues, alcoholism, drug abuse, even people who are on prescription medication under a doctor's care, but they're still on behavior-altering drugs. Wherever you have that, that's a chronic impairment. And you have a caregiver somewhere in that orbit, a family caregiver, who is struggling with this. Traumatic brain injuries, cerebral palsy, Down syndrome.

I mean, the list just goes on and on and on and on. But the family caregiver is the individual who is circling this impaired person. And they're the ones up all night doing laundry or cleaning up or working two or three jobs, trying to pay the bills. I had a guy call in last week who was just struggling down in Louisiana.

Just struggling because, you know, and he felt bad that he was having to pay some of the bills, 50 bucks at a time. Been there. Don't feel bad about it. Hey, you're doing it. You're trying.

A lot of people just blow it off, but you're not. And we caregivers tend to be, you know, an employer's dream because we're, we're adaptive, we're flexible. We are, we're highly responsible.

Nobody's forcing us to get up and do all these things. And yet we can't get out in front of it. And along the way, I've, I've developed some understanding of this journey.

I'm in my 34th year now as a caregiver through basically what is a medical nightmare and it doesn't stop. There's no, there's no plane for us where it just kind of, okay, we're going to, this is it. Now we're going to just kind of deal with this.

No, there, there, there are new challenges every single day that we deal with. And, uh, we were just, um, at the, we had to drive to the prosthetist and, uh, that's the person that makes my wife's legs. And he is over in Billings, Montana.

I'm in, I'm on the other side of Bozeman and that's a 200 mile drive, but that's where the guy is. He's been working on her and getting these legs up and going. Uh, she just gets some new prosthetic legs and it's, you know, it's a challenge with her because it's not just a simple, a lot of times if you have somebody who loses a leg with, they had an infection or something or diabetes, they take the leg off above the diabetes, uh, I mean above the infection site and it, the alignment of it is, is not all that complicated, but Gracie was a victim of trauma. I mean, she had massive trauma, over 200 breaks. They stopped counting at 200 breaks.

This is back in 1983. This has been going on for a long time with her. And so aligning her is difficult. And then she's, it puts her in so much pain because she's having to work muscles and it just, it's a very complex set of circumstances with her and it just doesn't go away. And you learn a few things about, okay, what's the real issue here? What, what are we dealing with?

What's going on? And so that brings me to scripture today. Uh, one of my favorites, Lamentations 3, 19 through 33. And the first time I ever heard this scripture and really paid any attention to it, um, was Joni Eareckson Tada, who's a dear friend of ours and she and Gracie have done a couple of duets.

It'll be out on Gracie's new CD that comes out next month. And, uh, she shared this with us and, and I want to read it out of the message because sometimes the message can say it in a way that just kind of clicks with us as caregivers and with a lot of people evidently. I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed. I remember it all.

Oh, how well I remember the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember and remembering I keep a grip on hope. God's loyal love couldn't have run out. His merciful love couldn't have dried up.

They're created new every morning. How great is your faithfulness? I'm sticking with God. I'll say it over and over.

He's all I've got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It is a good thing to quietly hope and quietly hope for help from God.

It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself, enter the silence, bow in prayer. Don't ask questions. Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full face. The worst is never the worst.

Why? Because the master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.

He takes no pleasure in making life hard and throwing roadblocks in the way. Isn't that a powerful verse? I mean, does that not just describe our journey as caregivers? That we get that way. And that's the book of Lamentation.

Jeremiah wrote this book, and Jeremiah understood about despair and the utter devastation as he looked out on what was left of the people of God after they've been yanked out and pulled into exile. Scripture is filled with these moments where you and I can look to for hope and encouragement and strength to re-anchors. We don't need to be instructed as much as we need to be reminded. We remind us. I have caregiver amnesia. I have gospel amnesia.

And I've got to be reminded of this every day. How about you? 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840. We'll be right back. This is Hope for the King. I'm Peter Rosenberg. Don't go away. Oh, I could listen to that song all day long. Hey, that is Russ Taft and the Imperials singing I'm Forgiving. Got a little special treat. Y'all just keep this quiet, okay?

This is just for you all on this show, okay? Just keep it quiet because it's not officially released. It's kind of released. But Gracie and her duet with Russ Taft is available right now.

Spotify, Amazon, iTunes, all that kind of stuff. The album comes out next month, and you can go out to our website, hopeforthecaregiver.com, and you can hear she and Russ sing this song. It's called The Joy of the Lord. Twyla Parris wrote it almost 30 years ago. And we've just always loved this song. So we got in the studio, and Russ and Gracie did this song. And you want to hear it? You can go hear it today. And the CD will come out next month, but just don't make a big deal of it. Don't go tell a lot of people just yet.

Hang on. This is just for you all, just for caregivers. This is just among us, okay? Just those of us who are watching and listening right now.

And if you want to watch along on Facebook Live, you're certainly welcome to at Hope for the Caregiver on Facebook and follow along on her page. We're glad you're with us. Hey, real quick, did you hear the thing from Bill Johnson, the little commercial that was doing there in the break? Something beautiful, something good. All I had to offer him was brokenness and strife.

That old Bill Gaither song? I need your help on something, okay? I need your help. I need you to help me get the word out on this issue. Standing with Hope is the presenting sponsor of this show, and it's the ministry Gracie and I founded many years ago. When she gave up her legs, she wanted her to do an outreach to her fellow amputees, and so we do. We collect used prosthetic limbs, okay?

We collect them from all over the country, and they go to a local prison in Tennessee where inmates will strip them down, all the way down sometimes to the screw level, and we recycle some of those parts. So like the foot, the knee, the pylon, the adapters, the connectors, the liners, the sleeves, the prosthetic socks, the belts, and the hip joints for those who are what you call a hip disarticulation, and we need those items now. We need knees particularly. So above knee amputees who have passed away and the family doesn't know what to do with the leg, we'll take it. If you've had somebody that's outgrown a leg, a child or something, don't throw these things away. We'll take them, and you can go out to standingwithhope.com right now. Brokenness and strife, that's all we have to offer.

Look what he can do. If we can do this with used prosthetic limbs, and they literally go walking and leaping and praising God. Now we don't use the socket, that's the part that is custom fitted to that patient, but we'll make a brand new socket over in, we work in the country of Ghana, West Africa, but we serve patients as far away as Nigerian. I've got a young man who's coming over to get an above knee leg, but his brother is a hip disarticulation. That means he doesn't even have a hip joint, so we got to get all these things. So I'm just putting the plea out, we're always needing these things, and if we can do this with used prosthesis, imagine what our Savior can do with our brokenness.

All right? Just think on that for a moment, because that's all we have to offer Him anyway. But see, He takes broken lives just like we take broken pieces of broken people and we reassemble these things so other people can walk. That's what this show is all about, is helping us kind of reassemble some of these broken things in our lives so that we can stand with hope, and that is the ministry, standing with hope. Would you go out and take a look at it today, standing with hope, share it with somebody you know who has an amputee in their life, if they've got some used legs, because amputees will go through a lot of legs in their lifetime, Gracie's been through, I don't know how many of them.

And you know, it's a little bit freaky at my house sometimes, because at any given day we'll have a trunk full of legs. But that's, you know, you don't need to go there. So standingwithhope.com, just asking for that. We're talking about the need for us as caregivers. Oh, by the way, 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840, if you want to be a part of the show. And also, I've got my book, Seven Caregiver Landmines. I'm going to give them away. So call in if you want one, I'll give you one. It's just, I just want to put them in the hands of people I've finally got a shipment sent to me so I can actually give them away, because I've been sadly out of inventory. So if you want one, give us a call.

888-589-8840, we'll be glad to give you one. But we're talking about the need for us as caregivers to be reminded more than instructed. I'm not here to instruct you on things. I'm not here to teach you or lecture you, because I didn't want that for myself and I still don't want it. I don't need people to come up to me and, you know, here's a six point lesson on how you can do this better, Peter. I just need to be reminded where the road is to safety.

I need to be reminded on where I can go to be able to catch my breath. I need to be reminded that my Savior has not forgotten me. This is what we read about just here in Lamentations that Jeremiah said, and he said, you know, God's loyal love could not have run out. His merciful love couldn't have dried up.

They're created new every morning. How great is your faithfulness? And he said in the verse above that, but there's one thing I remember, and it helps me keep a grip on hope, that He's faithful. That's where that hymn comes from. Great is our faithfulness.

Morning by morning, new mercies I see. This is the journey for us as caregivers. We've got to be reminded of these things every day. We've got to remind ourselves, each of us, I need you to remind me, I remind you, and this is what we do. This is how we get through it. Somebody wants to come, I remember one time somebody said, you know, we're going to have an eight week class on caregiving, and I thought, are you out of your mind? I'm not going to go to an eight week class on caregiving.

Who has time for that? So I wanted to come up with things that were simple for you and me to remind ourselves of where safety is in this. Where do I go when I'm hyperventilating?

And Jeremiah says it perfectly in Lamentations. Go someplace quiet. Go off by yourself. Enter the silence.

It says bow in prayer. Don't ask questions. Just wait for hope to appear. Make time for stillness, or you're going to have to make time for illness.

Do you know how to settle yourself down? Do you know how to still your heart? This is what we're learning together. This is what you and I are learning together. And that's why it's so important that we do this.

The journey is too hard and we will flame out. You know, I was telling a friend just this morning, you know, and they said it's such an honor to take care of a loved one. And it is. It is an honor to do it.

But I will tell you, the novelty wears off after a couple of decades. And it's a grind. And we've got to be reminded of things. We've got to know where safety is, where high ground is.

Otherwise we will, we will truly crash and burn. I'm going to squeeze in a quick call to Joyce in Alabama. Joyce, good morning. How are you feeling?

Good morning. Joyce, how are you feeling? Well, your topic today kind of hits home with me, where you have to find a place to be quiet and kind of regroup.

All right. Tell me a little bit more about why that hits home with you. Because as the only child, I'm the only one that's caregiving for my mother. And sometimes I do have to, you know, kind of find a place of quiet so that I don't project any anger or resentment or guilt.

Well, I'm certainly glad I'm not the only one, Joyce. Well, where is that place of quiet for you? Kind of just like getting in a room or maybe in an area of the home where I can either just meditate or read a book on, you know, a subject that's apart from caregiving, just something, you know, different, doing a task that's different. Any folding clothes or something where, you know, my mind is not set on what do I have to do next?

Do you like, do you listen to Spotify or any of those kinds of music streaming services? No, sir, not really. Well, we got to, well, I'll tell you what, I got to figure this out here. I got to get some more of these, but I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Joyce, just because you're the first caller and you're in Alabama and you just sound like you just hit a nerve with me this morning about finding that quiet place. There's a hymn that I play on my CD called Songs for the Caregiver. It's the opening hymn.

It says, there is a place of quiet rest near to the heart of God, a place where sin cannot molest near to the heart of God. That's a wonderful, do you know that hymn? No, sir. Well, you're going to love it. And if it's all right with you, I'm going to send you not only a copy of my book, but some caregiver landmines, but I'm going to send you a copy of this CD. Would that be all right?

Yes, sir, I'd enjoy that very much. Well, and you can play it over and over and over, and it just kind of settles you down. And sometimes when people listen to it, they weep, and sometimes when they listen to it, they sleep. Either way, that's a win for caregivers because we need to learn how to weep in a healthy manner, not in a rage manner or despair manner, but we also need to be able to sleep too, to rest. And when I did this CD, and for those of you who are listening, you can go online to hopeforthecaregiver.com and see more about it. You can also stream it through all the streaming services, and it's digital, you can download it and so forth. But I did it specifically for the heart of a caregiver, and it's a calming CD.

It doesn't have all these huge peaks and huge valleys. It just plays, and it plays hymns that you're going to know. There's one original tune that I wrote, and it's called I Can Only Hold You Now, and I think you'll like this one a lot, Joyce, but if it's all right with you, I'm going to put you on hold, and we'll let Richard get all your information, and I'm going to drop this in the mail to you. Would that be okay? Yes, yes, that'd be fine. And when you go into that place where you just, to be still and to be quiet, put this on and see if it helps. I think you'll find it does.

If it doesn't, you can send it back to me. How about that? I'm just kidding, Joyce.

I'm just kidding. But put it on there because there's nothing like music. Sometimes when words fail, music speaks.

That's what Hans Christian Andersen said, and music can somehow do things for us in our hearts and our spirits that words just simply cannot. And Gracie sings about half the songs on this, and if you've never heard Gracie sing, that's my wife for those of you just now joining. My wife's a no kidding singer. I mean, she's a really good, go ahead and don't take my word for it, go listen.

And she can really do it, and she will minister to you in those places where it feels a little bit gnarly. So don't hang up. Richard's going to get your information, okay, Joyce? Yes, thank you, Peter. Thank you so very much. Thank you for calling. This is Hope for the Caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. This is Hope for the Caregiver. We are the nation's number one show for the family caregiver, and this is, I'm so grateful for that because it's the church leading this. It's believers leading this. What does the world have to offer you on this?

Honestly, really, for sustaining power. The world can give practical tips on certain things, but when it comes to the tangled mess of a caregiver's heart, the gospel, the gospel, the gospel, and that's what this show is all about, is helping speak to that place. Because if your heart's a train wreck, guess what? The rest of you is going to be too. So let's start dealing with that issue and work outward from there.

And nothing speaks to the heart of someone who is troubled, who is discouraged, who is lonely, bitter, resentful, weary, burned down than scripture. And that's what we're about. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840, if you want to be a part of the show.

Don in Arkansas. Don, good morning. How are you feeling? Yeah, good morning. Thank you for taking my call. Yes, sir.

Well, you talked about feelings. I think you read my mail. Well, I have been, Don, and I've been meaning to tell you about that. And by the way, Ed McMahon still says that you won Publishers Clearing House. No, wait a minute. He's dead now, so never mind. Okay. I still send in the forms anyway.

You may be a winner. Yeah. Feel kind of down, but I am still rejoicing. Praise the Lord anyway. Why are you down?

What's going on? Well, I'll tell you what. My wife and I, we're both senior citizens and been married for 37 years. And happily, I will say. And our son is 26. And he has been disabled since he was six weeks old. So we've been like caregivers for about maybe a quarter century. And we're getting older.

And obviously, we know the end of that, that every single person will become either disabled or dead. And just wonder about our son, how is he going to be taken care of? Is he the only child? Well, he has an older sister who is 34 and single. And she's living in another town in Arkansas. And I think she'll probably help out.

But she's a counselor and she's working too hard, in my opinion. Is he developmentally disabled or physically disabled or both? Okay. He is developmentally disabled. He's had this since he was six weeks old. Cerebral palsy.

See what happened. He had a near-miss SIDS episode when he was six weeks old. He stopped breathing. His heart stopped beating. His body temperature went down to 50 degrees. His pediatrician met us at the hospital and said, your son was dead. But he came back and we're certainly rejoicing on that. Now, his oldest sister, she has a disability.

She does not have a right hand. Well, I get that. And all right, let's back up to your son for a second.

Have you sat down with any type of estate planner, attorney, your accountant, social worker, any professional and started kind of mapping out some things of what happens in case you and your wife depart this earth before him? We have met with some of the folks from the Arkansas Children's Hospital. And what they say is that because he's an adult now and yeah, we have met with an attorney. Okay. And we understand that as far as any kind of care facility for an adult, there is not one in Arkansas.

That's our understanding. Well, there may be other options for you and it's time to sit down and have that conversation. There are a lot of folks out there that can point you in the right direction. There's things like special needs trust that you can do. Have you done that for your son?

Not yet, no. A special needs trust is basically it protects any assets that your son has from kicking him off of things like Medicaid. Yeah.

Okay. And so therefore he still is able to get those kinds of services in case you and your wife leave and then you leave him an inheritance of any kind. It goes into the special needs trust and things such as that. There are lots of folks out there who could advise you on this. I'd recommend sitting down with them, particularly if that attorney has not given you a good picture of these things, there are other attorneys can do that, but a social worker is a pretty good person to start with as well. And I would imagine your son's physician, whoever handles all the stuff with your son can point you to that or to the children's hospital and sit down with a social worker and say, okay, look, what are our options? We've got to start thinking beyond our own grave now. And so I would start with that.

I'd probably go back to the hospital because they know him well and obviously they are going to know other families with situations like yours and ask for a referral to a social worker and sit down and start mapping out these things. You got time right now while you're still, I mean, look, none of us are getting out of this thing alive. And, and the, uh, the mortality rate in this country is still a hundred percent from what I understand. So, but, so these, these are things that we have to just deal with and plan for. Do you have life insurance? Is he a beneficiary of your life insurance? That kind of thing.

No, no. Our income is rather limited because, um, I'm, I'm needed at home because, um, we have people like, like, uh, he has a nurse at night while he's on a ventilator and we have what are called community support professionals that come in during the day. But the problem is, is that, um, they're not being paid, uh, properly in my opinion. And they are unskilled people being asked to do skilled work at an unskilled, um, pay rate.

Well, I, I'm, I'm not being paid properly in my opinion either, but that's just a separate issue. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to immediately sit down because you do have assets, you have a home and all these kinds of things, but if you don't get these things, okay, well in that case, what happens to your son if you guys become incapacitated, not dead, just incapacitated? These are things that need to be addressed at least starting the process on paper right now.

I mean, Monday morning, make the phone call. Okay. Uh, it's, you don't have to panic, but you do need to be, have a sense of urgency about starting this process because this thing can go to a Greek tragedy really quick.

Well, I know we do have a will and, uh, like the care for our son would go to our daughter and, uh, she has agreed to that. So we've started this situation. Also, another thing is that, uh, my income is very limited and, um, man, I really love to read your books and listen to your music, but I can't afford it. You don't have to, I'm going to send a book to you. Okay. Okay.

If you hang on, no, it's not because you asked, not, I'm asking. Well, you're, and you know what? And I'm offering, I told you at the beginning of the show, I mean, I'm just, I got a whole shipment of books coming to me and I thought, well, let's just give these things away because, uh, they're not doing me any good sitting on a shelf. So I want to make sure that I put them in the hands of folks. And this is a little, this is just a little tiny book, seven caregiver landmines. I mean, so easy, Don, you can read it in the bathroom. I know, cause that's where I wrote it. And it, there is, I just want to have little reminders you could put in people's hands. And also my podcast is free so you can podcast the show, you can stream the show.

Uh, we put it out there, we put clips up, put the whole show, the whole thing. So that's a, but promise me this. Okay. You got a will and you got a daughter, but you got to start going a little bit deeper into this thing and making sure all these things are done.

So start on starting on Monday morning, you start making phone calls. Okay. Okay.

There are people that can, it may not be everything you want it to be. And it usually isn't, it's not going to be as is, you know, you're not going to get some of the things that you'd like to get, but you can get this process going so that it's not just some kind of disaster for your, for your daughter. Okay. But don't hang up.

Richard's going to get your information and then we'll get that out to you. Okay. So don't hang up. Don, I appreciate very much. I appreciate the call. Okay. Okay. I appreciate your show. Thank you. Yes, sir. Thanks.

All right. Um, I think we can squeeze Cynthia in Louisiana. Cynthia. Good morning. How are you feeling? Good morning. How are you? Well, I'm just lovely, but how are you?

I'm all right. I'm delighted that I discovered American family radio. Um, if it really is a blessing to me, listen at all the different people that's on there. And I especially love your show. I wouldn't say I'm your typical caregiver, but I'm truly a caregiver at heart. I love what I do. Um, I did nursing for like 30 years. I have a lot of time now because I have a disability myself with my vision is just impaired, but it doesn't stop me from taking care of people. In my earlier years, I was so honored and had the privilege and was excited about using my skills to take care of my grandfather that was stricken with cold new cancer that lasted seven years.

So I actually relocated from New Orleans to Baton Rouge to take care of him. He recited a man when I helped my mom take care of him and took care of my brother, took care of my aunt on and off until she passed, uh, took care of my cousin's wife and I took care of my cousin, you know, that took friends in my, in my home. But Cynthia, who's taking care of you? Uh, the good master. I mean, I'm not, I'm not to the point of being, uh, you know, where I can't do anything, but I do have some vision issues.

I'm going out. Well, not just your eyes, but who's taking care of your heart? God, I do a lot of crime, but I'm, I'm good. Uh, I'm more of a talented caregiver. So, you know, if I know anybody that needs care, uh, I'm so delighted and so appreciative that I've been afforded the opportunity to care for, um, in past times.

So my last little job, no one would have taken care of this person 24 hours, um, 24 hours for what I did it for, but I knew they were trying to keep their mom out the nursing home. So, you know, I work for God, that's my boo and my boss, you know, so I'm accountable to him. So that's who I work for because I know things I've done, uh, to care for people and nobody would do that. But like I say, I'm going to care for your very heart.

I don't care what you have, how it looks, how it smells, don't bother me. That's my gift. And I thank God for using me in that way. And I just love taking care of people. Well, you know what, Cynthia, that is a beautiful, beautiful testimony of what God has done in your life and, and in extending that love to others. Tell you what, I'm going to, I'm going to send you a book as well.

Could you hang on and I'm going to let Richard get your address and we'll drop a book to you. And that'd be all right. Yeah.

And that's like a made in Alabama. I still enjoy it. I'll be glad to send you one of those too. And that may take a little bit longer on that one because that was, I got to get from Nashville, but hang on. Don't go away. We'll get all your stuff here.

Okay. This is Peter Rosenberg. This is hope for the caregiver. We'll be right back.

Hey, this is Peter Rosenberg. Have you ever helped somebody walk for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization, standing with hope when my wife, Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager. And she tried to save them for years.

And if it just wouldn't work out and finally she relinquished them and thought, wow, this is it. I mean, I don't have any legs anymore. What can God do with that? And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees. And that's what we've been doing now since 2005 with standing with hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana, and you can be a part of that through supplies, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there.

You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking at standingwithhope.com. Would you take a moment to go out to standingwithhope.com and see how you can give.

They go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that at standingwithhope.com Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. This is hope for the caregiver of the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. And we are glad to hear that is my wife, Gracie with Johnny Erikson Todd is singing because he lives. And that'll also be out on her new CD next month.

Again, just keep this tweaks to us. Don't make a big production about it, but just because you're in this audience, go out to hopeforthecaregiver.com and you can hear and stream all of these things right now and download them if you want. And then the CD, if you want to order a CD of the songs for the caregiver, it's out there and we'll put Gracie's CD out there when it comes out next month. But it's out there and I told you she could sing.

The girl can sing. I love that commercial just here about Chuck Swindoll and making sure you tell a funny story and be so. I will tell y'all a funny story because you know what? You need to laugh. We need to lighten up. We take ourselves pretty seriously as caregivers and it's serious work what we do. We're dealing with harsh realities. We deal with a lot of pain, a lot of sorrow, but you know what?

We also need to laugh. And last year we came out of, Gracie had her 80th surgery, surgery number 80, had to work on her arm. And she had a nerve that was pinched and it was causing her, oh, by the way, 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show. But they had to relieve a pinched nerve on her right elbow and it was causing her hand to atrophy and it was pretty uncomfortable.

And so she had her arm in a sling after the surgery and I helped her get dressed and I'm wheeling her out. Now Gracie has two prosthetic legs and she doesn't wear skin covering on her legs. So they're real robotic looking and you can go out to the website and take a look and she doesn't care. She goes on national television like that. She just doesn't care.

It's a lot easier to deal with for her. But it does cause a few people to widen their eyes when they see her sometimes. So she's wearing a dress and she's got her arm in a sling and Gracie's a beautiful woman. I mean, don't take my word for it, Google her. I Google her. But she is just a beautiful woman who happens to be severely disabled. So we're wheeling out.

This is at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, Tennessee. And I'm wheeling her out and I go into the elevator and it's one of these big, big elevators and it was filled with people and we're right at the front and they're all staring at her. And you know, her arms in a sling, her legs are robotic and they're just staring at it.

They're not even trying to be nice about it. They're just staring. And so finally I'd had enough and I said to very loudly to everyone in the elevator, worst hysterectomy ever. And Gracie just rolled her eyes at me and every one of them started looking at their shoes. I mean, they just immediately just, their eyes just went straight to the ground because they knew they'd been, you know, called out. And as I was leaving, I pulled her out of the elevator and I shot over my shoulder. She put up a fight, God love her. And I took her to the car and she laughed the whole way to the car. So sometimes you just have to learn to laugh and go with it.

And we've certainly cried plenty of tears and I bet you have too, but I thought you might enjoy a laugh. All right, let's go to, let's see, is this Shanga in South Carolina? Do I have that right? Shanga in South Carolina. Yes.

Good morning. Did I say that right Shanga? Oh, that's perfect.

Well, I do the best I can. Where are you from in South Carolina? Uh, Florence actually. Florence, South Carolina. I'm from, I'm originally from Anderson. Oh, wow. Look at that. I speak fluent Carolina.

Carolina born, Carolina bred, when I die, I'll be Carolina dead. I love it. I love it. Well, tell me what's going on with you this morning. Well, you know what? I've been listening to you for a while. Well, God bless you. No, God bless you. Wow. Um, and it's truly a, I was not expecting to get down like this.

I was just like, wow. And I kept trying to get the number and not, and not that you talk very fast, it's just that I am very slow sometimes. Well, for a guy from South Carolina, I do talk fast. Let's just say that. Well, they always say that you're, you aren't from South Carolina. You're from California.

They speak of every other state except for South Carolina. So I understand what you're saying. Well, bless you for that. Well, what, what's going on with you? Well, you know, first off, I want to say that, um, I am truly blessed because God is my Father and I thank Him for, you know, made me want to cry right now.

That's okay. Um, I've been camping with my mom for like 13 years. And the past three years I've been doing it solo. And it's a great opportunity because I thank God for choosing me. I have two other siblings and I love them dearly. And they do what they can, you know, they have families and so forth.

Um, which is no excuse, but you know, I'm the one that's solo. But, um, and, uh, I don't know, every, every day it's truly a journey. My mom, I must say in December 5th, she kind of came full circle. It's like God just allowed some things just to be, um, removed, I guess you could say. They thought she was epileptic for the past, I don't know, three and four years or so.

And, uh, she was taking medication for that. We were blessed to be able to go to Duke and they, let me, let me back up just a little bit. First off, do you have your radio on? You know, I do actually. Let me get you to turn that down a little bit because the room and I'm just like, I kept hearing it echoed as well.

That's funny right there. I am so sorry. No, don't be sorry. Look, it's just, Hey, look, it's just you and me, just a couple of Carolina folks talking.

I know, right? Look, let me ask you a couple of questions here. What do you, what is your, do you have a career? Do you do, do you work or do you just take care of your mother full time?

Well, you know what? I worked for a fortune 500, a fortune 500 company for over 20 plus years. I'm an early retiree. I always laugh when I hear myself say that I'm an early retiree because I keep saying, what does that really mean? I don't get all the benefits of a person who's an early retiree. But on the flip of that, Bank of America was the company I worked for in there, uh, removed themselves. I guess you could say it was like an acquisition where they, um, uh, left the area in which I live in or where I moved to.

I lived in a lot of different places and I came back. But you're not working now. I just don't want to run out of time for the end of the show here. You're not working. Okay.

You're not working now. I am not. Okay. So you take care of your mother. A hundred percent with my mom. And do you, and do you live there with her? I do. I live in the home.

All right. What do you do? What do you do for a break?

Who relieves you? Um, for the longest, I really hadn't really had a break. Um, it was just, you know, I guess I was treating it like corporate America for a long time. I realize you're talking about a human body and that's not the case whatsoever. So I learned that a couple of years later, I figured I could come in, fix it and be out.

But it doesn't work that way. Sometimes we caregivers are like Rodney Dangerfield said he walked into McDonald's and you don't deserve a break, you know, that kind of thing. We don't, but you do deserve a break. And what about your siblings? Is it a two sisters or a brother and sister or what do you got? I have one of each of a brother and sister. One doesn't live in this state.

One lives in this state. Um, actually not too far, but you know, sometimes, you know, everybody's not designed, I guess, to be in a position to really help because of their health and mental capacities, I guess, sometimes too. And I'm not making excuses.

Are they working? Uh, yeah. Yeah. So they can, they have enough health to be able to go to work.

Can they write a check for some kind of respite care for you to come in? Um, I think that's something that we're kind of looking at too, because I'm realizing that. I think it's okay to look a little harder. You're, you're a really nice soft spoken person who is, who is really taking on a lot yourself. I get that, but it's, but the question I have to ask is, okay, so if you get sick, what happens? What's the plan? I know, right? Yeah. And so it's time for, it's time for your siblings to step up in whatever way they can.

It may just be providing a respite care for you one day a week, you know, and if they could go to work, they don't have to come over there and do all the things you're doing because there's always usually one person doing it. But what's going to happen is, is the novelty of this is going to wear off and you're going to, resentment will start to kick in. Okay. Uh, just, just go ahead and write that down that I said that it's only a matter of time. It may take a long time, may take a short time, but it will happen.

And so it's important to start having these discussions now because as long as you take this off their plate, they don't have to worry about it. Shanga's doing it. That's what God gifted her for that. And that's what they'll say. But you know what?

God gifted all of us for this. He didn't say honor your mother and father if you're up to it, if you're gifted for it. He just said, do it.

Okay. Now that doesn't mean you have to honor their impairment. A lot of people get that, they go too far on the other side and they think, well, just because mama says she wants it, we got to give it to her.

Well, mom may be an alcoholic, you know, so I'm not going to do that. But there's a point where they need to step up and you may not feel comfortable having that conversation with them. It may get a little bit dicey. It may be a time for, to bring a third party in and just say, you know what? We need to divvy up some of this responsibility because I could promise you this Shanga, you are one sprained ankle away from this thing going really south.

You're tracking with me? Yes. You know what? I would be remiss if I didn't say that they didn't step up because they do on occasion.

On occasion. But let's do it on a regular bit. I'm out of time.

I'm up against the heartbreak at the end of the hour. Don't hang up. Richard's going to get your information. Don't hang up because I want to get a book to you. Okay.

But let's get them doing this on a regular bit. Okay. Listen, this is Hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. We're out of time. Hopeforthecaregiver.com would you go out and take a look at all the resources available to you.

Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. We'll see you next week.