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God uses painful things to expose deadly things. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something.

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
March 3, 2020 1:09 pm

God uses painful things to expose deadly things. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something.

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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March 3, 2020 1:09 pm

From our radio show for family caregivers, HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER 02/29/2020. 

Discussing Repentance and the Family Caregiver, this show delves into teachable moments in our journey through caregiving. 

Brought to you by Standing With Hope

"For the wounded ...and those who care for them."

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Erwin Lutzer
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Dr. Stephen Davey

I would tell you story. I was at a contentious church conflict you're been a part of a church fight during the fight like a church like you noticing and I was at this event and he brought in this consulting minister. He been around a while and and he knew all the players and so forth and everybody sit there and are all just all upset and he stood up and very somberly opined, there can be no healing without repentance and and they all sat there with her arms folded and looked around each other and agreed that everybody else should repent. Was he right. Was he right that there could be no healing without repentance. I don't think so. Repentance does not guarantee healing repentance does not ensure that it does it, it can help facilitate healing but it doesn't provide any guarantees. Mercy, forgiveness and healing remain exclusively in the province of the offended and the wounded mount in today's culture we seem to muddy the meaning of repentance, you know, we try to mix it up with with I'm sorry, apologies, regret and remorse. And while those things are used together, those words real different than repentance. Repentance is not only grieving the injuries but it's also committing to a 180 turn from the behavior that caused the wounds and individuals can express apologies and regret and remorse without repentance.

But repentance always includes contrition so you could say I'm sorry but not really be repent.

I look back to politicians and and I don't mean to just pick on them will come to do with their easy targets. Anyway, but but when they get caught in something and they come out and they tried to look penitent and they try to look you don't like what they think we need them to look like in order for us to get you to bring them back to good graces, but are they repentance. Can you think of any major public figure who has been caught in something that has demonstrated repentance what is repentance that I think a lot of that are that are caught in stuff and they they are remorseful they regretful and they go out of the try to make a mea culpa in the they try to be sorry about things like that and and and I understated not you know I'm not knocking that, but repentance is something vastly different. Okay, it's really important we understand that repentance is something fast. We different the Charles Spurgeon said this trial. Spurgeon was often referred to as the Prince of preachers, extraordinary human beings that repentance is a discovery of the evil of sin, a morning MOU are it ING that we have committed a resolution to forsake it. It is in fact a change of mind of a very deep and practical character which makes the man love what he hated and hate what he wants left people say, well, a leopard can't change its spots and they're absolutely right and I think we get in this thing over try to make apologies for things that were not change or try to change her own spots and we can do it. We need a whole new leopard. We need to change and have it be a new creature and repentance is the doorway to that happening. It's a very painful doorway was telling a pastor friend of mine the other day. I wish that everyone could have a taste of what it looks like to see themselves in the glare of a holy God. And I wish that on no one at the same time because it is excruciating process repentance always involves death, death to ourselves we can spin apologies. We can spin you no regrets, remorse and and feeling bad about things and so forth.

But you can't spin repentance because it's not a feeling it's a discovery it's an awareness and once you have that awareness it's life-changing. It's not something you can just put on something that emanates from you when you when you see yourself in the glare of something greater than you. What does that mean to us as characters. What does that mean to you and me to deal with repentance doesn't have a practical application to our world to secure this buckle up because it's getting ready to get a little advice can go 880-589-8848 8589 thing that's off her new CD resilient. She is indeed resilient 80s or both would nonstop pain since 1983 and she saved my life is in your hands no matter what may come away. My life is in your area that said that's the faade of conviction for hay if you will be a part of the show. 888-589-8840 88858 that 8840 were talking about repentance today I want to want to delve back into this. There will beautiful months. It's wise it's important I go back to this passage that you can't have healing without repentance.

Now is the pastor right and this was at a church conflict is the pastor correct in that. That's the big question in this repentance guarantee healing for the wounded. Repentance is for the perpetrator forgiveness. However, is the healing mechanism for the wounded were we learn to release things and let things go so we can forgive and that experience healing.

How many of you all dealt with one care where you your your your dressing wounds and so forth. And you got somebody that with with serious ones that don't want to heal very well and you have to irrigate that one. You have to dress it in and put on all kinds of ointments or antibacterial stuff or whatever you know but when you deal with one care. There has to be a cleansing of the loan and that's what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is the cleansing of the wound. Resentment is the septic behavior that will attach to it itself to move that's within.

It'll just go septic audio you get and eventually gangrene and just rot if you don't dress it properly. That's what forgiveness does for our soul were able to walk in forgiveness means were flushing out with the that a saline solution and were irrigating that wound out so that what we were not letting it go septic repentance, however, is something different and a somebody who has been wounded by a perpetrator who is it going to jail. It is never repented from their behavior that person who's wounded that victim can still walk in in healing, they can still walk through healing through forgiveness they can forgive even in the absence of repentance. So repentance is something a little bit different.

It means something different and it's important for us as caregivers and I'll tell you why, but I would get a minute just to kind of set the table a little bit.

According to Scripture you know individuals, families, churches, the people of God, and even nations can repent. If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray that I will hear from heaven and heal their land. God says, humble themselves. This church that I was watching this conflict unfold. There was a fairly significant lapse of humility. Everybody wanted everybody else to repent and because of the lack of humility and the lack of repentance and forgiveness church split in the world seem repentance modeled at the church won't do it just kind of a good question and so this pastor said this.

That said to them afterwards as it looked know that's not the way it works. I can walk in forgiveness and healing. No matter what the perpetrator does no matter what the behavior is of the person who said these things now as a caregiver you have people that are wounding you on a regular basis. It could be your loved one that you're taking care of with dementia or whatever and they're saying the most just horrible things to you, they will physically abuse you curse that you put all kinds of just garbage on the and not really even be aware of it and the ones that are aware of it may be so wrapped up in themselves that point they don't care and they're not about to try to make amends for it. They're not going repent of that behavior because I don't care little something wrong with it or they can't see it in order to repent, you have to see it in order to see it, you have to come in contact was with with an indisputable evidence of your sin and you've heard me say on the show many times there is nothing like taking care of somebody with severe disabilities for couple of decades to expose the gunk in your own soul. I mean, it is it it it is frightening the look of yourself that you will see who wants to see the and this was said to my friend my my pastor friend that I was talking about this is that I wish that for everyone and I wish for no one because it is excruciating, excruciating the word excruciating the came up with a word to describe the of the cross excruciating. What is Jesus a take up your cross daily die to yourself.

This is not a a I'm sorry I got caught. This is all my gosh I have to change.

This is put your hand over your mouth and say I am undone. Woe is me is Isaiah's it would you see yourself in that light. And God will use the things he will use the most crazy things to expose things in us because he is interested in ferreting that out because he knows that it's cancer and he knows that there's its malignant. In it, but it will metastasize throughout us and it has is called sin and it's more than just feeling remorse. It's more than just repentance is more than just said I'm sorry. It is a grieving and a groaning when we see ourselves for what we are and what it it it it is what I heard one patch I can remember who it was. At may been Dwight Moody. It sounds like something Dwight Moody would say, but he was the it's it's almost unconscionable for pastors to preach grace without first helping people understand the need for it. We got a lot of pastors updated preach what my father my father been administered after almost 60 years and he ate what he when he is always termed greasy grace, sloppy adopting, which is always just wanted to talk about air, but we just want to love everybody. We just will be love love love love love, grace, grace, grace, grace always go hug you, you will get a coronavirus going on right now. Perhaps you've heard of it. If you wanted to contact was somebody that has it.

Are you just going to go up and just grab their drink and drink after him and hug her bottom and kiss on him and and eat after them and let them sneeze on the it's contagious and we we do things to protect ourselves from sin from contagion from corruption. Sin is that way and it's not something that you try to reason with it's not something you argue with is not something you you treat lightly you gotta get bleach out for man, you got the it's it's leakage you have to go to extremely low measures here to deal with it and then the extreme measure is repentance and relinquishing control over your own sense of righteousness and we want to vindicate ourselves in all kinds of ways but I go back and look at Scripture who did Jesus save all of his outrage for the self-righteous missing when we try to put on our own self-righteousness, our own martyrdom, our own sense of self-importance.

Look how special we are because of what we do for another human being would dressing up our sin and not understanding our own need of repentance before God asked me how I know that is about more times than I care to remember. There is nothing like caring for someone with severe disabilities to expose the selfishness in the gunk that senior so we got a deal with in the only only only way to deal with history to see ourselves for what we really are. That's what God is after that he will you somebody with Alzheimer's, autism, addiction, whatever. He is not sure if two individuals that he would use in our life to expose what is dated five 880-848-8858.

This is the basis of one show you as a family caregiver. I hope 888-589-8488 eight 589-8849 Peter Rosenberger.

I'm your host, I am the Christus W of caregivers. If you could fail at it. I have failed at it, but I learned a few things along the way those you watch it on the caregiver Caleb Facebook love by the way I put this this is that I took this picture behind me and the snow up there as well of boats that were in Southwest Montana.

We have lots of snow appear and I love snow because though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow snow is that that promissory picture of what God does with our lives. We don't try to squint our eyes were hard to be better people we reach out to a Savior that can change us and transform us because he's better in the process we become like him was go to Joe to go to the phonologically were talk about repentance this morning and how it affects us a skidders window Joe and Virginia Joe good morning, how are you feeling you air out here that we have out here how you feel.

While I feel like you're speaking directly toward my situation.

Like you dealing with a caregiver for her mom for like almost 25 years and really bad manager right now are going through a process where were wanting to put her into assisted living. She has learned that dementia and that she been quite nuts, especially because of the church. We've been going to church all these years and she's tried to drive a stake between us, so there's been a lot of Internet back and forth in an a lot of prayer going on between my wife and I but you get to a point of caregiving where it's like you just say I am not. I don't really plan for yourself or your on the other person but you see a change in adjusting to get worse and worse, is not to change the other person with their prayer. The point is for us to change what we've been changing. We've grown deeper and deeper together in my life and I it's just, you know I'm listening to your thing about the repentant and about forgiveness and revenge constantly forgiving. I think of when he talks about 707. I think we been over the decades, repentant great path. Well that's okay cool things I can say to you, and you just cannot and then because of the dimension out toward the end here. She just forgets and comes back in and even for the last 10 years, and the like, oh, I didn't do anything just let it in many respects she didn't do anything.

She has dementia and also all major right academic and and she's not to make amends for the thing she did before she had dementia, but she's always had sin in we all and we all do it. So what you do is you you honor the woman that she is that God loves. Underneath all this thing about caring for what she's become what you can detach from the dementia and you can detach from her behavior and you don't have to you don't take it into your spirit.

This is this is something that happens with caregivers were taking care of somebody and that we we we feel like we got to somehow take on what they're saying is gospel truth and our life and in their they may be just just nuts. You don't have to our children about that. Not without taking on we go to the window and we feel like there's a responsibility to take care of, but just a constant struggle. Will there is a responsibility to care for. It is a constant struggle, but you don't have to take it in your spirit, and some maybe you and your wife can then reinforce that after episodic events where she just you know, does whatever she does but but she have say these things in their cutting accrual. Whatever you need to look at each other and you reinforce what Scripture says to what Scripture say about you now what about the matter what Scripture about her was considered, but you and your walk with Christ and who you are in Christ and what your position is in an behold if any man is in Christ, he is a new what you know that verse is a new creature creature so she doesn't have the power to two detract from what God has done in you she's gonna say things that are very hurtful or cutting or whatever but then you have to recognize this is she's not doing this to you. She's just doing it and if it wasn't you would be somebody else you to just have to be the closest people to her. I get the guilt of like trying to put her away from you, not try to push away from your trying to properly care for her. If you cannot properly care for her in her home or your home that you have to make a different decision and she just couldn't you know she's going to be what she's going to be.

But the point is is that you have to you and your wife sit down as a family.

Look at this get it up, get out all the applications for the that the homes that you're looking at a facilities you're looking for and then go back and look at it in the light of Scripture and make the best decision of what is the best stewardship that you can do for you and your wife and your family and for her cc it's not about her. It's about the unit and so you know we we feel guilty because you know she's gonna have to do this of this note, the unit has to make a decision and when were so plagued with guilt and were so torn up with that we can't see straight with the unit has to make a decision. What is the what is the best thing for the unit of the family of the resources that you have physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, all those kinds of things and if it if it if you're if the. The whole unit is being compromised by guilt, then would he do where oh where there are not really thank you for your your work this morning.

All that you're saying is really speaking to my heart this morning. I just don't want to thank Joe is there help me get stronger when we say these things to hurt ourselves and I need you to call back in until Beatty slinks. I hope you memorized it because I need you to say the same thing back to make you know and that's how we do it. That's how we get stronger seaweed is caregivers. I don't think we need a lot of instruction I'm not give you lot instruction what to do with your mom, your mother-in-law, I know I don't think we need a lot of instruction but I think we did a lot of reminders when you are continued. I don't know how it would've got it because we got well. I concur. I mean, they're not a lot atheist in this voxel that I've ever met and and so I you can probably stand on your head for 34 months may be the couple years but when hearing this I mean the 34th year of this you know that I can say fraud, unequivocal experience, though, that there is no way that I could do this because what happens is, is that the further you walk into this is where we talk about repentance today. While we talk about this at the further you walk into this the more of yourself that you see and it's painful to see yourself sometimes it really is it's it's it's up.

Some people say that repentance is an act of faith. I don't know that I agree with that faith is the evidence of things not seen.

Repentance is the evidence of things that I don't want to see I like and and and I I think that the more you walk through this thing with your mother-in-law and your wife walks through this with you, the more you're going to see things about yourselves as as individuals and as a couple and then that's when we take that into the into into Christ. We we we we run to Christ. With this we realize that oh is no other place to go.

I see myself what I am now I see that I am prone to wander as the hymn says and and and I see myself that I am prone to two think more highly of myself that I ought that I look at myself as some kind of great unit will look at what I'm doing.

Oh Lord, I'm thankful that I'm not like these others you know and enter backward but that is what God is after and he will bring a mother-in-law with dementia into your life for years, if that's what it takes to get into that place with you. He will do what ever he wants to do in order to bring you to wherever he want you to be there where he wants you to be is resting on him solely for your righteousness and then and then it flows out from there because he knows that this other stuff is a cancer in our lives and so he will, I promise you, he'll do whatever he's going to do. He is God all by himself and he will do what he's going to do and we don't like it sometimes wicked but were not consultants. He didn't ask us for permission to sanctifies and that's what this journey is the week we when we come to Christ, you know that's an instantaneous transformation weeks when we we would recognize our salvation in Christ and then one day will be glorified with him. And that's an instantaneous transformation, but this sanctification business. That's a lifelong journey that is really uncomfortable people to want to talk about that because that's where the funding dress up for the church alive just getting up just getting all the letters need to be sent to Peter at the but the people to want to let this trouble to talk about that what my father calls greasy grace which want to buy gray so that I will but we will talk about sin was to talk about sin. God wants to talk about sin.

He really wants to talk about sin with this because he knows that it is death and he will use the situations that were in.

He will design the situations that were in to expose this so that you and your wife can come before him on your knees and recognize 00 that's on me.

That has nothing to do with my mother-in-law that's on me. That's me, that's who I am a leper. As I said begin the show. Leopards can change their spots, but would risk winter is real hard.

We think we can change we think that will go do better with better we can't change or spots.

We have to realize oh, we've got to teach.

Did you ever read the Chronicles of Narnia. Joe well I know the story there's there's seven books and one of them is called the voyage of the Dawn treader CS Lewis wrote these things in one scene. This this young boy, he was just a real brat ended up being turned into a dragon. It's a long story and he had to had to really had to take off the Dragon in the presence of the lion who was the Christ figure can try to do it could do couldn't do and the lion had Joe, thank you so much for the call is over the caregivers. Peter Rosenberg, have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time, my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help and inmates in Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of this is to point others to Christ. The source of my help and strength, please visit standing with to learn more and participate in lifting I'm Gracie and I am staining with help might help here on American family radio. This is the nation's number-one show for you as a family caregiver you put this love in our heart is what the song says. As Keith Green you put this love in my heart.

What does it mean we think through that that's that's a profound statement.

I think sometimes we think more highly of ourselves than we ought. I know I do. I cannot be the only one. But the love that we have everything we have in that regards is from him. He put it there in order to put their something has to come out and that's the process of repentance and that's what we did talk about today for you as a caregiver for me as a character for us as individuals and God will use a six let's get outside of the world of somehow thinking that, oh woe is unto me because I am a caregiver. No no no, God is using this in your life right now to reveal things about you that need to be dealt with if you think differently than that. Turn off the radio this not show for you as you knock you want to hear the rest of the truth will set you free.

But it's got a heck you are first and that's the truth of the reality is that God will use things in our life. Painful things to expose deadly things in us. That's the truth.

Anybody that tells you different is selling something in its there.

That is just unpleasant but in order to experience the grace and the forgiveness and the reconciliation of the restoration that is available from God through Christ, you got a walk-through that that's the bad news you got a walk-through of the good news is he's little walk-through with you and is definitely below and as you clean up the next mess that your love one makes as you stand in a hospital room quarter alone.

The next time as you stay up late at night trying to deal with a screaming child with special needs in the next time an aging parent with dementia curses at you it belittles you and and treat you poorly while you are changing their diapers understand that this is the part of the process that God is walking with you through these things to squeeze out things in your life that will kill you. In order to pour things in your life that are sanctified and that are healing. The goal is not to feel better and I think that's what we want to do. I knew of a fellow that you know I gone through some infidelities and in his marriage and not some but but it was it was a bad situation and later said you know it took it took a while but after a while I started feeling better.

That's not the goal is to feel better. The goal is to be better.

Whenever you feel better about these things.

My wife doesn't have the legs she lives with relentless pain every single day while back. She told her she said I dreamed I was in pain. She couldn't get away from it in her dreams she never will feel better about that and it will fellow the just called from Virginia thinkers mother dimensions been doing it for years and she just bitter enough to feel better about what we can be better.

Scripture says that all creation is groaning in anticipation of God making all this right all of creation.

I'm in Southwest Montana that I'm up in the Rockies, and I'm looking out snow-covered mountains and vast plains to those you watched on the caregiver KM on video and by the way, if you want to see more things like that you can go out to our podcast is free caregiver or go to our website. Hopefully and any follow along with's number-one caregiver podcast in the world and it's free.

Take advantage and I put some stuff out there from Montana and it's beautiful. When I look at the extraordinary but even that creation is groaning in the life lesson I've learned of watching this is that even with the groaning. There are places of extraordinary beauty that we can see that we can touch that we can experience but these are only taste of what is to come. I'm not going to Hear for eternity. I know that he is working through all these things to bring us to something that's even more beautiful where we won't groan, but were not there yet. If all creation is groaning and I'm part of the creation that I'm go to ground. The goal is not to stop groaning the grout. The goal is to keep her eyes on him as we do it.

He knows when the groaning will stop question is are you good at trusting what you doing and part of that journey is repentance and recognizing that when I am not in control of this he is God and I am not and I see myself what I and as long as we squint are as real Harding clincher for us to try to make sure that we're not going to that we are we are better than we think that we are if we are better people that we are we are more righteous, or that we are we have the high ground, we don't have the high ground, we don't have the ground for those you knew into caregiving. This may not ring is clear is is I would like for it to be for you but for those events. Doing this for some time. You understand what I'm talking about and you've set their and seeing yourself for this. You've looked at the ceiling it and had those conversations with the ceiling fan late at night and seeing your own self.

That's what God is after for you to see it if you repent of it.

If you trust him to remake it remake you behold if any man is in Christ is a new creature. It's hard to it's hard to grasp that I get it.

I truly get this that it is hard to put your mind around this.

But in my fourth decade of this, I would suggest to you that the real there is no other way and then once when inner into that place. You watch him start changing you.

It's like we we we pray real hard to change or level it will treat everybody else. Lisa JH I go back to that pastor said there can't be any healing without repentance and everybody sits around with arms folded all glared at each other saying everybody else got a repair though the committee reconciliation without repentance there can be healing without repentance people that that are wounded can heal without repentance. They really can't. That's called forgiveness and you let it go and you walk away from those things and you release the committee reconciliation without repentance and ultimately the reconciliation. One is between us and God and that is not going to happen without repent, not the big robbery happy happy happy all the time time time message this morning that this is the reality for caregivers and were seeing these things and we see ourselves in the light of this week we we see what is exposed in us as we gnash our teeth while taking care of another human being and we raise our fist at God for not intervening.

How could a good and loving God allow me to do this. How could a good and government loving God allow this to happen. These are questions we asked that reflect our character or nature okay to ask the questions because it's important for us to be able to see this. David asked those questions all the time and solves go back and read Psalm 13.

Read it slowly and after you read it. It's real short that after you read it once click and read it again, very slowly start to see it's okay to struggle with what you're looking at in the travails that you're dealing with what you do with. That's where we go into Christ and realize that's where the cross looms so large because that settles all when I survey the wondrous Cross with the seasonally were we reference to what is going on. That's what we have hope.

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