Gentlemen, it's going to start with you when you love your wife as Christ loved His church.
That's where to rebuild the whole thing. Get back into the Word of God. Get back into living an obedient life. Get your focus where it belongs on Christ and then on that little family that God has given you and put your whole heart there. Welcome to Grace to You with John MacArthur.
I'm your host, Phil Johnson. Meet financial needs. Teach your children right from wrong. Shield your family from harm. Those are essential responsibilities of every husband.
But what should a husband's top priority be? Consider that today as John MacArthur continues his series, The Fulfilled Family. And speaking of family, John, I haven't asked you about your family for a while, so maybe I can ask you this. Over these past tumultuous 13 or 14 months with the COVID thing and all the rest, have you been experiencing new challenges as a husband and a father and a grandfather as you've sought to lead your family?
You know, honestly, Phil, I don't feel like we've had new challenges for one compelling reason and that is Grace Community Church has been open. And so life in our church is normal. We, you know, the staff is there every day. All kinds of activities are going on.
On Sundays, the church is packed to capacity. The authorities haven't been able to shut us down. They haven't been able to take away our parking.
They've tried all kinds of things. So Grace Church is normal. In fact, it's sort of beyond normal. It's been elevated to a level of enthusiasm and excitement that I've never seen in my 50 years of ministry. So it's pretty stunning to realize what has gone on at Grace Church. And that has become such an incredible benediction and blessing to our family. It allows Patricia to enjoy the fullness of ministry at the church, our kids, our grandkids. We have a new little great-grandson.
He's the newest addition of John MacArthur, John Owen MacArthur. He's one and a couple of weeks ago was his first foray on a Sunday morning running around the patio of Grace Church since he learned to walk. And I just thought to myself, how wonderful is this? My kids are there, my grandkids are there, and now my great-grandkids are there. So yeah, Grace Church has become the haven for not only our family but for our congregation as well. And they're not only there on Sunday, but they're there for a lot of other things during the week, and the Lord has allowed us to stay open.
So it's been fairly normal. When everything is right in terms of your experience in the body of Christ and in the fellowship of the saints, it tends to minimize the things that are difficult on the outside. Thanks, Jon.
And I think it's easy for all of us to forget the importance of the local church, not just for our own spiritual growth, but for our families as well. And speaking of spiritual growth, stay here as Jon looks at how you can lead your family into deeper worship. Follow along now as Jon begins the lesson. Ephesians chapter 5, and starting in verse 25, we have direct instruction to husbands. We begin in verse 25 with these words, husbands, love your wives.
That's the beginning. And Paul says, first of all, it is a sacrificial love. Look at it in verse 25. It is as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. It is a love that knows no tyranny, only sacrifice. Second, it is a purifying love. Verses 26 and 27, Christ loved the church enough to sanctify her.
Verse 26, to cleanse her by the washing of water with the Word that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless. You are to love your wife in such a way that you work toward her godliness. Thirdly, it is a caring love. It is a caring love. Verse 28, so husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. Fourthly, it is an unbreakable love.
It is an unbreakable love. Verse 31, for this cause, and here is a quote from Genesis 2, 24, also quoted by our Lord in Matthew 19, 5. Here is the quote from Genesis.
This was God's original design before the fall. For this cause, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is a coming together of a man and a woman leaving their family, creating a new union with a unique identity all its own that is called a one flesh relationship. Now what does it mean, one flesh? The primary reference is to the sexual union because the sexual union is what yields the most obvious evidence that the two have become one, which is the birth of the child that carries the genetics of both parents.
That child is the true emblem of the oneness of a physical union. Back in 1 Corinthians 6, 16, Paul says, Do you not know that the one who joins himself to a harlot is one body with her? Oh, so that oneness is when you join sexually.
That's right. Then it says in that same verse, 1 Corinthians 6, 16, for he says the two will become one flesh. You become one flesh in the physical relationship. That's where you share life. When the life of the man is shared with the life of the woman, in the intimacy of that physical relationship, that is the one flesh.
Even a man who is joined to a harlot becomes one flesh with her. It's not some mystical marital union. It's not some spiritual emotional union.
It is the union that is on the physical level, first of all. It goes beyond that. It engulfs everything about our life. Emotions certainly come into play. It becomes unique and personal, but it starts with that physical relationship.
So in Ephesians again, God's design, as indicated back in Genesis, is that a man and a woman leave their respective families and come together clinging to each other and enter into a physical union. They become one flesh, and they cling to each other. This oneness is intimate, unique, and personal. This oneness is special. Individual identity is lost.
Did you get that? Individual identity is lost. You become really a new person commingled with your life partner. And what God has joined together, let not man put asunder. That's why God hates divorce, because divorce severs that indissoluble, indivisible relationship. Would you notice the word leave in verse 31? It's a very intense word. It's another one of those verbs with a preposition on the front of it, kata lepo. It means to leave behind. It means to abandon, literally leave. And of course, we have to give advice about that lots of times to young couples who have started to cleave but forgotten to leave, which is very helpful.
The word cleave means to be glued to. You come together to stick. Oneness of physical union, which incorporates oneness of mind, oneness of purpose, oneness of heart, oneness of emotion, and you enter into this most private, magnificent, intimate, personal relationship. It even appalls me all these books that are written about how to express your physical relationship.
Certainly somewhere along the line, enough information has circulated, and if it hasn't, you can certainly find out rather quickly what ought to happen in the physical dimension. And when you sort of blatantly parade all of this stuff, you cheapen it. The magnificent beauty of intimacy belongs in the marriage bed. Hebrews 13 2 is so, so beautiful. Hebrews 13 4, rather, it says, let marriage be held in honor among all and let the marriage bed be undefiled.
You can also translate that in an indicative mode. The marriage bed is undefiled. But fornicators and adulterers, God will judge. There's something wonderful about that marriage bed, about that union, something personal and intimate and private and magnificent as two people come together in a relationship that in and of itself is God's perfect and private and special union that they share.
It is an unbreakable union. That's why the Bible condemns divorce. That's why in Malachi it says God spoke and said, I hate divorce. Malachi 2 16, the Lord the God of Israel says He hates divorce. God hates anything that breaks up this union. And what is it that assaults this union? Sin?
Sure. You say, well, I want to keep my marriage together, but boy, He's a bear to live with, this guy. Or a man might say, I'd like to keep this marriage together too, but I don't know if I can live with this woman. I've actually had men say to me, and not just a few, but quite a number, what would happen if I divorced my wife without biblical cause?
Well, my answer has always been, I don't know. I know you're in direct violation of Scripture, and I know God will not bless that. And there's a reasonable assumption that God will chasten that, and you may come under serious chastening from God. And I've had men say to me, on not a few occasions, okay, I'll take it. I would much rather put myself under the chastening of God than live with this woman. Really?
Say that. You know what that indicates to me? They have reached a point where they are either so sinful in their own lives that they themselves are at fault and have alienated that woman, or perhaps more likely, they have ceased to understand how to forgive. You know what happens? It doesn't take a lot of stuff to get to that point. It just takes a continual pattern of unforgiveness, and it just accumulates. It just accumulates. How many times does the Lord forgive you?
All day, every day? And His love never changes, and His love never wanes, and you're still His chosen bride, and He's still going to bring you to glory? How many times are we to forgive each other?
Peter asked that, didn't he, in Matthew 18? How many times shall I forgive? Seven times Jesus said seventy times seven.
Seventy times seven. So you love your wife with a sacrificial love. You love your wife with a purifying love. You love your wife with a caring love that nourishes her and cherishes her. You love your wife with an unbreakable love that just keeps forgiving and forgiving and forgiving and forgiving. Can a man cast off his wife? I can answer that question with a question.
Can Christ cast off His church? And at this point, it would be appropriate to give a warning to you young people. Pick carefully. It's for life. Pick wisely.
It's for life. You say, oh boy, it makes me nervous. It ought to make you nervous. You say, well, what's the key to picking wisely? Simple. Be filled with the Spirit walking in a godly way so that your mind is tuned to the will of God. That's why when young couples come in for counseling here, the first thing we ask them when they want to get married, they come in for premarital counseling is, are you involved with each other physically? Because if they are, they're in a sinful condition and people in a sinful condition can't discern the will of God, right?
So you have to separate and live a godly life so that you can understand the mind of the Spirit and the will of God can be expressed through your life. Then you'll know. I always tell young people, don't worry about finding the right person. Worry about being the right person. And if you're the right person, then the person God has for you will recognize you. Now, what do you look for? Let me give you some suggestions.
This is for those of you who aren't married and you know it's for life. First of all, find out someone's reputation. Proverbs 22, 1 says, a good name is better than riches.
Find out someone's reputation. A good name is better than riches. Try to avoid a reclamation project and wait until the Spirit of God has done that. Hey, we're all reclamation projects, aren't we? But let the Spirit of God do that before you jump in at square one. The idea of marriage is not so that you can lead her to Christ.
I think that's what I'm saying. Secondly, favor is deceitful. Beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Find someone who worships the Lord from the heart.
Look for reputation. Look for a worshiping heart. Listen to what they say, because out of the abundance of the heart, what? The mouth speaks. What's the conversation like?
You can check out companions. What kind of people do they run with? Shallow people, deep people, godly people.
1 Corinthians 15, 33 says evil company corrupts good morals. And check out their wardrobe. You say, really?
Absolutely. Check out their wardrobe, because godly women are not so much concerned with the outward adornment of the body as they are the inward adornment. And when they do call attention to themselves, they call attention to their virtue.
Well, enough said at that point. The manner of love in our passage here, sacrificial, purifying, caring, and unbreakable. Let's talk about the motive. What should motivate us to love like this?
Verse 32, this mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Why should I love this woman like this? Why should I love her sacrificially? Why should I love her to the degree that I lead her to holiness, that I care for her? Why should I commit myself to an unbreakable love, which means I relentlessly forgive her and never become embittered?
Motive? Because of the sacredness of marriage. That's the issue. Because of the sacredness of marriage. Marriage isn't just marriage. Marriage is a mystery. A marriage among Christians is a picture of Christ and His church.
This mystery is great. And you need to treat marriage with reverence and awe because marriage is a sacred symbol of Christ's relationship to His church. And then one final word, verse 33, just reviews everything, nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself and let the wife see to it that she respects her husband. It isn't that tough to understand this, but you can't fulfill it apart from being Spirit-filled.
You have to go all the way back, don't you? Back all the way in this text to verse 18, filled with the Spirit, a heart filled with song and joy, thankful for everything, an attitude of submission. You see, where the Spirit of God is in control, this can come to pass. The commitment of two people to be controlled by the Holy Spirit, filled with worship and thanks, devoted to submitting to each other in humble love, I'll tell you, that'll bring romance, that'll put springtime in a marriage, and it'll keep it there. A lot of marriages break up after the kids go, have you noticed?
A lot of them. And I suppose I used to wonder what marriage would be like when you weren't chasing them all around, when your whole life wasn't seemingly focused on them, you know, in those early years, control is the issue. Just get those kids in control. Obedience, line them up, help them to learn how to think and how to act and how to react and how to submit and how to obey.
You work hard on that. Then they go off to school, and then it's homework for years and years, and you're focused on the homework every night, papers, papers. Daddy, could you please explain this to me?
Could you help me draw this? I don't understand this. Or, Daddy, I got a bad grade on this.
Could you talk to the teacher? I don't understand it. And your life is just focused all over the place. And then it's little league, and then it's soccer games or whatever, and then it's football games and baseball games, and I tell you, and piano lessons. And then you have to go to some place to buy clothes for all of these kids, and that goes on and on. And, you know, your whole life is focused on that. And then they get to the age where they have friends, and they all come over to your house. And now you've got to sort all those friends out and say, you know, I don't think this person is a really good influence.
And the energy expended in just coordinating this to say nothing of the taxi service that goes with it. Your whole life is just focused on all these kids. And they get to the age where they start to think about serious relationships, and then it really gets serious.
I'll tell you. Now, I pretty well had my boys wired by the time they got to the place where they were going to choose. And you know how they knew what to choose? Well, they loved their mother, and she was kind of the standard. But the girls, I was protective.
I confess. You know, I mean, you spend your whole life protecting your daughter, right? Just protect her, protect her. And then one day she's going to marry some guy, and you just say, here.
And not only did I have to say that, I had to pronounce him man and wife. I mean, that's a pretty traumatic moment. And then your life is just focused on this, and you want to get them to the right place and get them to the right partner, and you want to help them as they go through that process of sorting all of that out and lead them into the right study and get them through school. And then all of a sudden, they're gone.
And I've seen some pretty apparently noble servants of the Lord, even in ministry, have their whole life collapse in front of them at that point. When the truth of the matter is, you should be on your second honeymoon when they're gone. You should look at each other and say, boy, we've waited a long time for this. I have to tell you, you know, it's the best of times at our house. You know what? We was okay when they went, but you know what's happened? They're back. Only they're back with little tiny kids. And we're saying, in the famous words of Yogi Berra, this is déjà vu all over again, you know. It's sad when it kind of declines, isn't it? I read a Saturday Evening Post old article called, The Seven Stages of the Married Cold.
Stage one, first year of marriage. Sugar, I'm so worried about you. You've got a sniffle and there's no telling about such things. I'm going to put you in the hospital today for a general checkup and some rest. I know the food's lousy at the hospital, so I'll have your meals catered.
And I've already arranged it with the floor superintendent. Second year, listen darling, I just don't like the sound of that cough and I've called Doc Miller to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, please. Third year, maybe you better lie down, honey. Nothing like a little rest when you don't feel well.
Have you got any soup? Fourth year, look dear, be sensible. After you feed the kids and get the dishes washed, you better lay down. Fifth year, why don't you get yourself a couple of aspirin? Sixth year, for Pete's sake, stop sneezing, you're going to give me pneumonia.
Seventh year, you know, if you'd just gargle, you wouldn't be sitting around barking like a seal. Well, does it have to be that way? Not in God's plan. Billy Sunday said, gentlemen, try praising your wife even if it frightens her.
Worthiness is not the issue. It's not the issue with Christ. He's tender, sensitive, forgiving toward us. We're speaking about a divine ideal and it's not too late for us. No matter what may be the condition of our marriages and gentlemen, it's going to start with you when you love your wife as Christ loved His church and loves His church. That's where to rebuild the whole thing. And that's going to happen when you begin to come back to where you need to be in your own spiritual life. Get the garbage out of your life. Get back into the Word of God.
Get back into living an obedient life. Get your focus where it belongs on Christ and then on that little family that God has given you as a piece of His kingdom to disciple and put your whole heart there. And watch how God rewards that. That's John MacArthur continuing his look at God's plan for your family. Today's message is part of Grace To You's most in-demand study.
We call it The Fulfilled Family. And of course, friend, knowing how to please the Lord, whether you're single or married, always starts and ends with the Bible. Bottom line, you can't honor God if you don't know His Word. And with that in mind, let me recommend our flagship resource, the MacArthur Study Bible. It comes with 25,000 study notes explaining virtually every passage. Get your copy today.
To order, call our toll-free customer service line, 800-55-GRACE, or visit our website, gty.org. The MacArthur Study Bible is available in hardcover or genuine leather and premium goatskin. And with the English Standard, New King James, and New American Standard versions available, you'll find one that's an ideal gift for any student of Scripture.
It would also make a great gift for Mother's Day or Father's Day. Again, to get the MacArthur Study Bible, call 800-55-GRACE or shop online at gty.org. And while you're at gty.org, make sure to take advantage of the thousands of free resources available. You can read practical articles on issues affecting your life and your church on the Grace To You blog. You can also read daily devotionals from John and follow along with the reading plan from the MacArthur Daily Bible. And don't forget, John's entire sermon archive—that's more than 3,500 sermons—is available to download free of charge in MP3 or transcript format. All of that and much more is free at gty.org. Now for John MacArthur, I'm Phil Johnson, encouraging you to be here tomorrow when John looks at God's pattern for children. Don't miss the next 30 minutes of unleashing God's truth, one verse at a time, on Grace To You.
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