Hi, this is Jim Daly with Focus on the Family. I've got some great news. More and more people in America are becoming pro-life, in part because of the Dobbs decision that the Supreme Court made a year ago this month.
As a result, a growing number of people are becoming convinced that the baby in the womb is just that, a baby in the womb. We've got a great video at our website, itsababy.com, that I hope you'll watch right away. It's a short and winsome message, and we want you to share it with as many people as possible. Please join us in a grassroots campaign to share this video everywhere throughout your social media space. Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, whatever. Share it wide and far because the majority of Americans believe that the line to restrict abortion should be drawn somewhere. Let's convince them to draw it at conception. You can find our video at itsababy.com.
All one word, itsababy.com. This is my favorite warning. There are 17 warnings to the use of a hairdryer. I'll show it to you afterwards. It's four words.
Never use while sleeping. Sometimes there are things in life you just have to laugh at because they really don't make much sense. Well, today's Focus on the Family is going to have comedian Ken Kington, and you're going to laugh along with him, I know. Your host is Focus President and author Jim Daly, and I'm John Fuller. We aired a presentation from Ken Kington back in March, and the response was so great, we thought we'd bring you another longer message to enjoy today and next time. Ken is one of the most popular comics on Sirius XM Radio and performs regularly across the U.S., and he's a proud husband and dad. He's certainly in demand, and we're so grateful he's a friend of this ministry.
And with that, here's Ken Kington on Focus on the Family. Well, thank you guys for being out here tonight. Just got to know how many men are here tonight. If you're a man here tonight, I just want to hear you say hoorah on three.
One, two, three. Hoorah! Yes! I love that. Let me think.
Ladies, I want to see if you're here tonight too, so I'm going to give you a chance to respond. So on three, I want you to say uh-huh. Can you get that?
One, two, three. Uh-huh! Now, what I love is that the ladies, when I said that, you started looking at each other, going, oh, we get to talk now, we get to talk now.
I love that. See, guys don't do that. We're simple people.
Guys are simple people, and if you agree with me on any of these, you feel free to agree in that way. Guys, by saying hoorah, let me hear it one more time. Hoorah! And ladies, you too.
One more time. Uh-huh! Okay, now you feel free to respond that way if something hits you, okay? Because guys are different. We're different. Ladies, I saw you walking in tonight, and you talked to each other, and you started going on and on and on.
See, guys don't. You met each other. I saw someone do this. You walk up, and you walked up to another woman, and you went, oh my gosh, I love your hair. I love your hair. Is that a bobble? A weave, a cut, a curl?
What is that? See, men don't do that. Men don't do that. Most of you ever hear a man say to another man about his hair, you get a haircut. That's it.
That's it because we don't have that. And ladies, you speak in code, and you don't even know you're doing it. See, men, we just have jeans and khakis. They go with everything.
You have categories for your clothes. You start going through each other, oh my gosh, that looks so good on you. I love that color. You're a spring, aren't you? You are, yeah. No, it's great. It looks good on you. Those colors make you look thinner, which is code for I think you're fat.
It's just, oh, it's just different. Now, see, guys, we don't have that jean, and we have this honesty jean. When I started dating my wife, this guy, my roommate, I just said, dude, how does this shirt look on me? Does it make me look fat?
And he went, shut up. You are fat. Quit blaming the shirt.
There's just something wrong there. Now, and let me tell you how the women speak in code to me, and I think my in-laws are trying to tell me something. My mother-in-law bought me this beautiful shirt for Christmas, beautiful shirt. I open it.
I'm like, this is beautiful. She goes, it's an extra large. I hope it's big enough.
Code, okay, that's where that is. My wife's grandmother, we went to eat at her house. She fixed way too much food. I'm stuffed, and she goes, get another plate. Please get another plate. And I'm like, I'm stuffed. And she goes, get another plate. So I got one more.
I ate it. I'm like, oh, I'm miserable now. She goes, get another plate. And I'm like, does the term fat and happy mean anything to you? She looked at me.
She goes, you don't look happy. Speaking code. And ladies, you have clothing that makes no sense. I'll give you my favorite example, sleeveless turtlenecks. What are you thinking?
I mean, are you in the closet going, it's kind of cold, but it might warm up. I mean, is that it? Men do not do that. We don't do that.
And ladies, it amazes me. You can make a social event out of anything. You can't even go to the bathroom by yourself. You go in groups and herds. You will go to the bathroom. You will sit down next to a total stranger and carry on a conversation. I love those shoes.
Where did you get those? I'm out of toilet paper. Can you spare a square?
Do not ask how I know that. Now in man world, there are certain rules to the bathroom. One is you go by yourself, if at all possible. But then there are certain rules.
They're unwritten and unspoken, but they are there. I was in the Atlanta airport, busiest airport in the world. I'm standing there. This guy walked in, obeyed rule one, which is mandatory, three stalls down. Okay?
But then he just broke every other rule out of nowhere. I'm standing there and he goes, so how's it going? There's no talking. I'm like, good, good.
What you been up to lately? And I'm just not comfortable with this. I'm like nothing, nothing, nothing else. So I go and I look. I get into the sink to wash my hands. As I wash my hands, I look in the mirror. As I look in the mirror, he says, I see all at the same time. He says, yeah, my file ends at like two. Won't you pick me up on the curb?
We'll go grab a bite before the meeting. And I saw in the mirror he had on one of those Bluetooth things. I am so getting me one of those. I don't even care if you have a phone. If you need one of those, you realize when you wear that, you can walk around in public and just speak your mind.
That shirt looks ridiculous. And I bet you're co-dependent, aren't you? Not you. I'm on the phone. And see, men are just simple. We're way, way simple.
And I'll give you my example. My wife leaves town. She goes, hey, I'm going on a girls trip this weekend. Can you watch the kids? Can you take care of the kids? Yeah. Now I've discovered that that means something different to a woman. Hoorah.
Now here's my definition. Can you take care of the kids? If she comes home and all three of my children are still alive, it's a success. Can I get a hoorah?
Yes. Now here's the problem. She comes home and I'm very proud. The garage door I hear and I'm like, look, they're all alive.
She walks in. Oh, it's so good to see you. Oh my goodness. I thought about you all weekend. What'd you do? What'd you do? What'd you do? Where'd you go? What'd you do? And I'm like, they're alive. What'd you do all weekend?
I'm like, stop. I didn't know there was going to be a test. I would have taken notes. She goes, well, what'd you eat? Just tell me you didn't have pizza and hot dogs all weekend. Just tell me you didn't have pizza and hot dogs.
I mean, where'd you go? What'd you eat? What'd you eat?
You just told me not to tell you. It's one of those things that she goes, well, at least they love fruit. Tell me they had some fruit. They had fruit?
Did they have fruit? Loops. Here's an ability every man has that I know and I want to hear a hoorah if you agree and a uh-huh if you agree and that is ability every man has. It's a superpower. Ladies, you both envy it and you, you deny it exists all at the same time. And some of you are going, uh-huh, there's nothing. Uh-huh. Let me just tell you what it is. It's the ability that every man has to actually think nothing.
Hoorah. And how many of you have ever had this conversation? You're in a car and you're driving somewhere. So what are you thinking? Nothing. Well, you can't be thinking nothing.
That's not possible. Uh-huh. You can't be thinking nothing. You have to be brain dead to think nothing.
Okay. See, we have that ability. Now here's the problem guys. It's a superpower and she envies it and she resents you for it because she can't understand it. And here's what she'll do. She will immediately think you can't think nothing. So what he's doing is he's thinking of something and he, she remembers the phrase her mother used to say, if you can't say something nice, so she will think he's thinking something and it's not nice and it's not nice about her. And she will fill in the blank with the worst possible thought. And she will fill in that blank and blame you for thinking it. And then begin to punish and convict you for thinking that thought.
And the whole time you were thinking, do you agree? Halloween's coming up and my kids came up a couple of Halloween's ago going, dad, can I have this? Look at this. It was a tube of candy, mini M&M's. Have you ever seen them? Why? Why did we need that choice? For people eating the regular M&M's going, I can't finish a whole one. Wish they'd make those smaller.
Put that in some foil and eat the rest of that later. Life is complicated enough. How many of you are married? Raise your hands if you're married. If you're married, that's great, but being married is wonderful.
It's wonderful. I do have to go agree with my buddy at my groom's room at my wedding. Buddy came up. He's one of my grooms. He goes, dude, they should warn you when you get married. So what are you talking about? He says, they should warn you. What do you mean? He says, they should change the wedding vows to let you know what's ahead. I said, like what? He says, to women, they need to be the same.
Do you take him better or worse, rich or poor, sickness or health, death do you part? I do. To men, they need to read some version of Miranda rights. You have the right to remain silent. Does anything you say can and will be misunderstood? And it will be used against you.
Can I get a hoorah? It's just different. It's different. My buddy's told me after I've been married for a while, man, when you get married, you never get to do anything you want to do ever again. I've been married 14 years.
That's not true. I do whatever I want to do. It's just now I have to ask my wife what it is I want to do. Vacuum? Okay. Good thing I asked.
Could have sworn I wanted to play golf today. It's worst five words. Any husband will ever hear worst five words.
Do you notice anything different? I've been married 14 years. I have yet to get that right. I started going through the list. You see your hair, your nails. Did we have another child?
Physics don't exist. We have a walk-in closet. Walk-in closet at our house. We have racks on both sides shelving to the ceiling.
I get this much room. That's not the part I don't understand. My wife's clothes are so packed, you can pull hangers out and nothing falls down.
That's not the part I don't get. I'll be in there on a Sunday morning going through which pair of khakis I'm going to wear. My wife will walk in behind me, look at this panoramic view of clothes, and she will actually say the phrase, I have nothing to wear. That drives me crazy.
There's only one thing worse. Ladies, I want to be very candid with you for a moment. It amazes me how much hair you can lose and have any left on your head whatsoever. My wife takes the first shower in the morning.
I go to turn on the water. Holy cow. There's a small toupee down on the floor.
I don't know how you men are, but if I'm brushing my teeth and one falls out, I'm like, hey, don't give up so easy. Can I get a hoorah? Hoorah. But I will say this, I absolutely love being married and I love being married to my wife. She's brilliant and beautiful. But one of the reasons why I love being married is she has this condition we call isms. Heather isms. She mixes up phrases.
In my mind, because my mind works in pictures, it's just entertaining at times. We talk about a friend that hadn't been in work for about six months and she said he better get his act together or he's going to be up a tree without a paddle. I said, why do you need a paddle in a tree?
There's some mutant squirrels I'm not aware of. She asked about the shows one time. We had this sold out show up north. She goes, how do you make that happen? I said, well, people really, they just take a flyer and they tell their friends. They just get out and tell their friends. She goes, oh yes, yes.
Mouth to mouth. That is the best advertising. May not be the best, but it's the most memorable. Come here. I want to tell you something. Just didn't want you to forget.
The great part is, is that they just happen and every now and then they just happen usually once or twice a week. We're in our neighborhood. That's a swimming pool.
Head of the pool committee standing there talking to my wife. There's people getting in don't belong. I don't know how they get in.
I just don't know. I guess we need to tell them not to come in and maybe a sign. Heather goes, yes, yes, a sign. Yes. She goes, I don't know what to put on the sign.
Maybe, maybe residents only or guests with residents only. I don't know. Heather goes, no, you be firm. Be firm. She goes like, what, what do I put on there? Oh, I tell you what to put on there and I'm standing there and in that moment I literally thought, here it comes and I was not disappointed. She said, you just put on there.
Trespassers will be violated. Now my wife comes by it honestly because her whole family is eat up with this disease. We went to a buffet restaurant. My kids took too much food.
They did not eat at all. My mother-in-law looks at them and their plates half full and she goes, oh my goodness, I guess your eyes are bigger than your head. My kids are cartoon characters. But my favorite is my father-in-law.
I love my father-in-law, but he's the, he does it and he's belligerent about it. We went to play golf. I want to hear hoorah if you play golf.
Okay. You'll get this par 5. I hit a great drive. Got about 200 yards of green. I said, how far?
He said, about 200, but it's over water. I said, well, I'm going to go for it. He goes, I wouldn't do that. I said, I feel good today. I'm going to give it a shot.
I wouldn't do that. I said, well, I'm going to try. And he goes, whatever floats your goat. I couldn't help it. I said, would that be a boat? And he turned around and he goes, boats already float.
I hit it in the water. It was great. I got a buddy.
His wife has the same condition. I asked him if he was going, I said, why aren't you going to lunch with your wife? He goes, no, I'm good.
I'm good. So we went to lunch. I said, I thought you're going to have lunch with her. He goes, no. He said, I called her. She goes, no, I've got my doctor's appointment.
It's my annual monogram. He said, I said, well, boy, that must hurt. She goes, no, it's not that bad. I said, what letter are you getting this year? Now the bad part is when we hear them and you can't laugh.
That's the bad part. We went to visit some friends. He had chest pains and we went to visit him in the hospital and she, the wife walks out right as we walk up and we're, how's he doing? Is he okay? And she goes, yeah, no, he's good.
He's good. They ruled out a heart attack. It's not a heart attack. But they're going to keep him overnight. But he's still in a lot of pain.
They're going to run some tests in the morning. But, um, the pain, but they're, the nurse just went in to seduce him. So I went until she looked away and I leaned over to my wife. I said, I don't feel so good myself. We were laughing, walking out of the, through the guest room there and the waiting room and the nurse, a nurse stopped and she goes, what is so funny? And we, I said, I'm sorry, it's true.
We just heard something. She goes, no, no, no. I said, I know it's rude. She goes, no, I'm having a bad day. I want to know what's funny. And we told her and she said, goodness, last week you should have been here. And I said, what happened?
She goes, I'm in a room. The guy's gotten pneumonia. And his wife, she's walking around the room going, no, it's not good. No, it's two or three more days. No, his, his fallopian tubes are all clogged up.
I'm sorry, but if you're a man and your fallopian tubes are clogged up, pneumonia is the least of your problems. But see, we, we all need help. We all have a glitch.
We all have a glitch and we all need help. And I tell you, one of the things I love just as a hobby, I love fortune cookies. Love to get my little fortune cookie cause I love fortunes. And I opened one up and I travel about a hundred dates a year and I open one up at a time and I read it and it's like, you will travel to many places.
Duh. My favorite of all time though, I opened up one time. It says, avoid taking unnecessary gambles right under it.
Lucky numbers, 17, 14. I wish they had reality fortune cookies. They got that one, the one saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I wish that was a reality one. What doesn't kill you still hurts a lot by that. I wish I could slip some in sometime just to see the reaction on people's face. In the days to come, a random dog will bite you. Maybe you got some friends like mine. I'd love to slip this one in one time.
They click it open. Get some new clothes and haircuts. The eighties are over. But I wish we had, I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but we have a lot of answers to problems that nobody has.
I mean in issues, problems that nobody has. I'm driving down the road today on the interstate and I'm driving by speed limits, speed limit 55, speed limit 70. That's my favorite. Have you noticed the signs? They put it like every fifth sign on the bottom, minimum speed, 40 miles an hour. Have you seen these? Who are these for? Have you ever been in a car with somebody going, hey, you see any cops?
I'm doing 35. And then they have the one on the other side of the road, do not drive on median. Who is in the fast lane going, hey, try the signage area. Who does that? Last year, bought some firewood, took it home, put it in the fireplace, throw it away, had a bright orange caution tag on it. I thought, what do you put on a caution?
What? I looked, it says caution warning. This product may be flammable.
I don't need that. Empty the garbage can, put a new liner in it. As I'm pulling the liner out, I noticed writing on the bottom of the liner. I thought, what do you write on the bottom of a liner of a trashcan? It was instructions on how to use the trashcan liner.
Who is struggling with this? Who is pulling that out going, what do we do now? I don't know, throw some garbage on it. I got to show you this one because this was one of my favorites of all time. Wife bought a hairdryer.
This fell out. I've saved it for years because I love it. Instructions on how to use the hairdryer. I don't want to be mean, but if you need instructions on how to use the hairdryer, put it down.
You don't need to be using it, but look at this, two sided, small prints with diagrams. I got to read you my favorite warning and my favorite instruction. My favorite instruction, how to plug it in. If the plug does not fit fully in the outlet, reverse the plug. If it still does not fit, contact a qualified electrician. Can you imagine that phone call? Yeah, I need to come out to my house.
What seems to be the problem? I can't plug in my hairdryer. This is my favorite warning. There are 17 warnings to the use of a hairdryer.
I'll show it to you afterwards. It's four words. Never use while sleeping. You know, I'm kind of tired, but I really need to dry my hair. I know.
How'd you get that burn spot on your head? Well, that's where we're going to have to end today's presentation from Ken Kington on Focus on the Family, and we will have more from him next time. That's right, John. Ken is going to share a poignant story about his daughter Kennedy, who was diagnosed with cancer at just three years of age. As you can imagine, Ken and his wife, Heather, learned a lot about walking with the Lord through that situation. You're not going to want to miss it, and let me encourage you to get a CD of this entire presentation from Ken Kington with quite a bit of extra content that we'll add. We'd be happy to send that out to you when you make a donation of any amount to the work here at Focus on the Family. Join us as we help families thrive in Christ, not just in the U.S., but also Canada and around the world. Yeah, donate to the ministry, either a monthly pledge or one-time gift, and request your CD with extra content when you call 800, the letter A in the word family. Or you can follow the link in the show notes.
And by the way, that CD would be great for a family road trip or perhaps someone that you know that doesn't do digital media. Next time, Ken will turn a corner. He'll share the power of community as his daughter battled cancer. For those seven months, this is one of the single greatest encouragements of my life.
I will never forget it. Every Monday morning, over 3,000 people wore these bracelets and prayed for my daughter. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for listening to this Focus on the Family podcast.
If you would, please take a moment or two and leave a rating for us in your podcast app. Spread the word. Help us increase the impact of Focus on the Family.
Just know that we read those comments and appreciate your feedback. I'm John Fuller inviting you back next time as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ. If the fights with your spouse have become unbearable, if you feel like you can't take it anymore, there's still hope. Hope Restored Marriage Intensives have helped thousands of couples like yours. Our biblically based counseling will help you find the root of your problems and face them together. Call us at 1-866-875-2915. We'll talk with you, pray with you, and help you find out which program will work best. That's 1-866-875-2915.
Whisper: medium.en / 2023-06-29 08:47:33 / 2023-06-29 08:58:23 / 11
