Cherish Your Wife (Part 2 of 2)

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That's store.focusonthefamily.com. Have you ever wondered why God brings men and women who are so different together in marriage? Well, today's speaker is Dr. Walt Larimore, and he offers a different perspective how we complete one another. She and he are perfectly matched. She is a superlatively dovetailed ally for him.

She is his God-designed accomplice and comrade. Well, Walt's ideas about marriage came from some personal in-depth study of the scriptures, and we heard some of his insights last time. We have more from him today on Focus on the Family, and your host is Focus President Jim Daly.

Thanks for joining us. I'm John Fuller. John, no two people are the same. I know for Gene and I, we're different people too, probably like you and Dina. We are different. And I believe that Walt Larimore is right on the money. Those differences are God-designed, even if they sometimes frustrate us.

It might mean he's frustrating us for a reason. Let me recap the most important points Walt shared. He said in the creation account in the book of Genesis, if you look at the original Greek language, it says Adam was formed, but Eve was built. The same word used for the intricate architecture of God's temple. You might say she was handcrafted by God. Walt also referred to the New Testament, 1 Peter 3.7 in the King James Version, which says, Husbands, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

Walt pointed out that the phrase weaker vessel is not referring to something substandard, but something like fine china. In modern secular Greek, the word describes valuable and fragile artwork, and he'll continue that analogy today as we listen. If you missed part one last time, get in touch with us, because there are so many great nuggets of wisdom here. We can send you the entire message on CD or audio download, so you can hear it again or hear it for the first time.

Our number is 800-232-6459-800-AFAMILY or at focusonthefamily.com slash radio. Here's our former colleague, Dr. Walt Larimore, a respected physician, author, and speaker, as he was giving a message at a conference that we hosted here at Focus on the Family for physicians and their spouses. Do you see, men of clay, that you've been commissioned by your Father in Heaven to be the curator, the caretaker, the preserver of an art gallery, an art gallery that holds one of his most precious art pieces, one that he designed for you and that he gave for you, your spouse. The owner of this art gallery, men, holds you responsible for her care. He holds us responsible for caring for her. And it is such an incredible job. It's such an important commission. It's such a wonderful and magnificent calling that if we don't do it, if we refuse as an act of our will to carry that out, if we let dust gather on that artwork that he designed for us, Peter tells us that the Father will not talk to us.

I mean, look at what he says. Value her as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered. Your woman is designed to respond to you, to respect you, to have an extremely high regard for this type of man. The type of man that will honor and value her is one that she is designed to respond to. She's designed to react to a real man. Now, how does the world describe a real man?

This is a story that may indicate how most of the world describes a real man. A passenger plane was being pounded by a raging storm. The terrified passenger screamed certain of their imminent death.

A young woman jumped up and exclaimed, I can't take this. I won't die like an animal strapped into a chair. If I must perish, let me die feeling like a real woman. And who here is a real man manly enough to make me feel like a real woman? Well, immediately from up front, a strapping brood of a man, handsome, smiled and began to stroll back to her.

And as he approached, he tore off his shirt, his huge muscles rippling dramatically in the flashes of lightning. And he stood before her shirt in hand and said, here, iron this. Not. Wrong. Men, if Scripture is correct, your woman was not designed to be your servant. She is not designed to serve you. She is designed to co-serve God with you. Your ministry cannot be what God intends your ministry to be without her. And guys, I've got some really bad news for you because you are commanded to love her. And she is not commanded to love you.

Look at the Scripture, turning your Bibles to the fifth chapter of Paul's epistle to the Ephesians. And Paul's marriage manual to the church, God's divinely inspired words on balancing faith and your family. This is what he says, husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.

So that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the word, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church. Man, Paul commands us to agape our wives the same way Christ agapes us. Men, when we are moody, Christ agapes us. When we rebel and do not honor him, Christ agapes us. When we reject his approaches or spurn his appeals or deny him intimacy with us, Christ agapes us.

Guys, the bar is set very, very high indeed. We are to love our wives the way Christ loves us. We are to love her more than our own bodies, more than our own work, more than our own hobbies, more than our sports events, our cars, our trucks, even more than our golf clubs, our fishing rods, hunting equipment, or remote control. And not only are we to agape her, but we're to nourish and cherish her. And the Greek word that's translated nourish gives us a wonderful picture of our responsibilities in honoring our wives.

The Greek word is atrefo, and it means to rear up to maturity, to train, to build up, to nourish. Do you want to know how to nourish her? Do you want to know how to nourish your wives? Well, there's at least 40 ways in Scripture that Scripture tells us how we can nourish our wives. Now, in Scripture, they're called the one and other verses. I believe the wise man will look up the one and other verses and study them and begin to practice them. These verses tell us not only what to do with and for one another, but they tell us about how to care for and how to nourish our wives. These verses tell us to be at peace with our wives, to be devoted to our wives, to encourage our wives, to build up our wives, to serve our wives, to honor our wives, to greet our wives with a holy kiss. We are told to not provoke or envy our wives. We're commanded to forgive whatever grievances we have against our wives. We're told to make our love increase and overflow for our wives, to be patient with our wives, and to bear with our wives, not be a bear with our wives.

We're commanded to wash their feet, to live in harmony with them, to stop judging them, to instruct them and teach them and to speak to them with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. Men, do you want to know how to do this? Do you want to know how to take the first step towards nourishing your wife? Now, I guarantee you 100% that this will work.

Are you sure you want to know? Just ask her. Just ask her. She'd be delighted to regale you with countless examples of how you've come up short.

But she'd also be delighted to encourage you with countless ways that you could succeed in this area. You would honor her just by asking her, just by sincerely wanting to know, and you'd bless her by asking for her forgiveness for not nourishing her. Men, you'd bless her by beginning today to nourish her.

And when you nourish her, she's free and compelled only then to nourish in return. You're listening to physician Walt Laramore on Focus on the Family. And in a few moments, he'll provide some relationship-building ideas that you can try with your spouse tonight. And by the way, get a CD or audio download of this program when you contact us. There is 800-AFAMILY, 800-232-6459. Or go to focusonthefamily.com slash radio.

Let's return now to Walt Laramore on Focus on the Family. What scripture teaches us about men and how our women were designed and built and created, and how we should protect them and nourish them and cherish them and love them, that which is not instinctual to us, guys, that which has been withered by the world and the flesh and the devil was obvious, was obvious to the first man, Adam. Turn back, if you would, to Genesis chapter 2, verse 22. Moses records God's presentation of the woman to the man when he awoke. And in verse 23, he records Adam's response.

Now, in Hebrew, transliterated to English, it goes something like this, according to my Hebrew scholar friends. Wow! My, oh my, oh my, oh my! Right in the nick of time, this feminine, sexy work of art is awesome. This special one is my other, to be part of me, to complete me, strong where I am weak, weak where I am strong, my match, my perfect match, this masterpiece shall be called my Ishishah, for she completes me, her ish.

And in our transliteration, it's toned down just a bit. This is bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. But I hope you're beginning to see the meaning and richness here, the expression bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh refers not to the woman as a secondary creature taking from the primary man, but it refers to a total and complete relationship. The jewel of creation, this woman, is not just a physical, anatomic, biologic resemblance to man, she is part of him. She is bone and flesh with him. And without her, he is as a bone without a muscle or a muscle without bone.

They are stronger and more effective together. But something else very dramatic happens in this verse. The language of Scripture here takes a dramatic term because up to this point of time in Scripture, it is talked about man as the ha-adam, the human being, the man, if you would.

He's been alone, he's been incomplete, but now that he has been presented by God, that which God designed and built and created to complete him, he changes because Scripture now calls him the ha-ish. And this term describes man with very particular roles for he is now assigned by his creator the role of husband and mate, partner and protector, provider and priest for what was designed to be his most valuable and honored belonging, his woman, whose name also changes now to his ha-ishah. The word for man as husband, protector, provider, priest used here in Scripture for the first time is derived from terms that mean to blaze ahead, to lead, to protect. And the word used by Scripture for the woman as wife here for the first time is a word that describes delicateness, elegance, value and preciousness. So Moses tells us in a very clever way both the differentiation of function and the oneness of man and woman, husband and wife, now in a new community, a new oneness of purpose, a relationship of exchange and sharing with a reciprocity of needs and a mutuality of responsible concerns. This antique narrative is as fresh as today's science. It points to both the ideal monogamy and the ideal of monogamy.

Well, let's wrap up our time together. I want to be able to give you a couple of homework assignments about this wonderful picture that our Father has put together for us. Through the pen of Moses, He teaches us that our wife is our wow my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my. She's the final supreme act of creation. She was built and designed by your Creator for you and she was presented to Him. Man's first response to his woman should become our own.

I mean, you should be able to look at your wife now and go, wow, my, oh my, oh my. I mean, she's not your menial. She's not your servant. She's not your domestic helper. She's the queen of all your earthly gifts. She's been designed and if you properly value and treasure and nourish and treasure her, if you cherish her, if you allow God to use you to honor her, He will use you two together in incredible ways that you've never seen, ways that you cannot even imagine if you begin today to honor her. You can do it. You must do it.

Well, here's your three homework assignments for today. When Barb and I have friends that get married, we buy them a beautiful but empty box and in that we place a piece of prose that goes like this. Most people get married believing a myth. They believe that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for. They believe the box is full of companionship, sexual fulfillment, intimacy and friendship. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box.

You must put something in before you can take something out. There's no love in marriage. Love is in people and people put it in marriage. There's no romance in marriage. People have to infuse it into their marriages.

A couple must learn this art, this form of the habit of giving, the habit of loving, of serving and of praising. It's up to you as a couple to keep your box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.

So here's your first homework assignment. Husbands and wives, start looking for that empty box. Find it and purchase it.

Maybe it'll even be a silver box. Use it as a marriage altar. Use it as a reminder of this mountaintop week here at Focus on the Family and fill it daily with one another's. I remind you men to love and nourish and cherish your wife. Use it as a memorial to your marriage. Here's your second homework assignment.

I want to tell you about one of the most special gifts that you'll get here this week at Focus on the Family. It's called the marriage barometer and it's free. It will tell you in an instant two things. The first thing your marriage barometer will tell you is it'll tell you what your marriage condition is on a scale of one to ten. Now remember, the average barometer shows four or sometimes three, right? So the first thing it'll do is it'll tell you the condition of your marriage on a one to ten scale. One is awful and ten is heaven. And the second thing the marriage barometer will tell you is precisely and concisely, the exact steps that you need to take to move your marriage condition up the scale.

Now you don't have to go to the bookstore to get this gift. She's sitting right next to you. Men, if you have the guts, here's your homework assignment for this afternoon today. Sit down with your marriage barometer and ask her to rate your marriage. And listen very carefully and very sensitively to what she says.

If it's not ten out of ten, then listen to how she will tell you explicitly and precisely how you can just one step at a time and prove that. Bottom line, if mama ain't happy and nobody happy, especially the Lord, honor her and honor Him by using the barometer that she is. Here's your last homework assignment. I'll tell you in just a couple of minutes. I want to give each of you men a chance, an opportunity to declare your willingness, not that whether you've done it, but your willingness to honor and value, your willingness to nourish and cherish your wife, God's especially designed gift.

I call this the wow, oh my, oh my, oh my covenant. Now some of you may not feel like doing this. And I'm not asking you to feel like doing it.

I'm serious. Agape love isn't a love that always feels like loving, but it always loves. Because agape love is love in action, not in word. It is a decision of the will to love, even when loving is tough. Agape love will result in feelings, I mean fantastic feelings. Don't forget the command of 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7.

This is the Laramore version. Okay men, listen up. Live with your wife in an understanding way as with someone incredibly unique and special. She is a woman. And right now as a matter of faith, show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers, your ministry, your effectiveness in God's kingdom will not be hindered. So to do this, I'm going to ask God's gift to me, Barb, to come forward and join me on the stage. And as she's coming up, let me tell you what we're going to be doing together. Men, as an act of faith and obedience, I'm going to ask you to join me in making a new declaration of love and commitment to your wife. So those of you with your wife, let me ask you if you would now turn to her and hold her hand in yours. And let's together honor our wives by pledging our commitment to them.

Will you please repeat to them after me. I now know you are a precious work of art. You were designed to balance me.

You are strong where I am weak and weak where I am strong. You are my perfectly created match. You are a masterpiece. You are called Isha. You complete me your ish. I commit today in front of these witnesses to love you as long as I live. I will love you as Christ loves his church. I will start today on a daily basis to honor you, to nourish you, and to cherish you. Till death do us part. Gentlemen, you may kiss your bride. Okay, enough of that.

You can finish that assignment later this evening. Gentlemen, when we started this discussion an hour ago, I told you that my goal was to help you men, both current husbands and husbands-to-be, to see the value of your wife and your marriage, not from your viewpoint, but from God's viewpoint. Do you see now how honoring and valuing her can balance your marriage? And men, if you will do this, God will act. If you will honor your marriage, he will spiritually balance you and your family. And through spiritually balanced families, he can balance churches and communities.

And men, if he starts with us, he can balance our country morally and spiritually. But it starts with us to value them and to teach our children and to teach our grandchildren these eternal ageless principles that he has taught us. This is Focus on the Family, and we've been listening to Dr. Walt Larimore as he addressed a group of physicians and their spouses. John, Walt perfectly summed up our mission here at Focus on the Family, and that is to help families thrive, both in their marriage and parenting relationships, and hopefully in Jesus Christ as the foundation. And I hope today's show has inspired you to treasure your marriage and give it the time and attention it deserves.

Let me quickly recap what we said to wives last time. If you have a Christian husband, Walt recommends giving him this CD. But let him listen to it alone, and let the Holy Spirit tell him how to act upon it. And we want to make that CD available to you for a donation of any amount.

Help us cover the cost, maybe not just for yours, but for someone who can't afford it. And if you're not married to a Christian man, Walt says don't give him the CD, but instead pray for him every day. I like that advice too. If that's the case for you, visit our website for a free audio download of an inspirational broadcast with Patricia Ashley that will really encourage you. Yeah, regardless of how tough it might be in your relationship, Patricia explains how her marriage went from dead to thriving, and you'll find that encouragement at focusonthefamily.com slash radio. And let me remind you, if your marriage is on the ropes, we have hope for you. Focus on the Family's Hope Restored is a four-day intensive experience that is saving marriages every day. And they use a unique holistic counseling approach that combines the heart, the mind, and a couple's faith.

Best of all, Hope Restored has an almost 85% success rate, and this measure is taken two years after their time at Hope Restored. Here's one example from a wife. She said, This is a second marriage for both of us, so we came to Hope Restored with a tremendous amount of hurt, pain, and distrust, not to mention the challenges of being a blended family. Our counselors were heaven-sent, gentle and sensitive to God's direction. My message to others is this.

No marriage is too far gone for God. Never give up. What an encouragement that comment is.

It is, John. Blended families can be so challenging, and that's just one example of how Focus on the Family's Hope Restored is saving marriages and families. But we can't do this on our own. We need your support. Please consider making a donation today and join our marriage saving team. Well, be a part of the good things that God is doing through this ministry every day by calling 800-232-6459, or donating at focusonthefamily.com.

And then be sure to get that CD of Walt Larimore's entire presentation. Thank you for listening, and if you enjoyed today's program, please tell a friend about us. Next time, be sure to tune in to hear helpful advice on dealing with children who are a bit too tech-dependent. We'll have Jonathan McKee with us. The relationship is so important because the relationship is going to be the element that transcends when they're out of the house, when you don't have any boundaries.

So don't mess up bonding with way too many boundaries. Some balanced, insightful helps for you next time as we bring trusted advice to help your family thrive. Our program today was paid for by Focus on the Family, and thanks to you for your generous support. On behalf of Focus President Jim Daly, I'm John Fuller.