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Now, here's today's message from Pastor Skip Heitzik. 1 Peter chapter 1. And we're going to be looking in a moment at verse 7. In ancient times, fortresses were built. With walls of stone and fortifications, gates.
And the idea was that All who resided within the confines of that fortress were kept safe. Typically, fortresses had four sides. One facing north, south, east, and west. A marriage is similar to that. Marriage is designed to keep the occupants of that marriage.
Safe. Those who reside within its walls to be kept safe. For that to happen, it takes an enormous amount of commitment. And consider the plight of a young husband who has been married now just one year. And he writes with some trouble, but he writes this letter in the vernacular of.
the computer world. He writes the letter to tech support. Saying Dear Tech Support, last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up lots of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs.
and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3. Football 5.0, hunting and fishing 7.5, and racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I think I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0.
But the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help. Signed Troubled user. The letter comes back. Dear troubled user, this is a very common problem.
Many people upgrade from girlfriend 5.0 to wife 1.0 thinking that it's just a utilities and entertainment program. Oh no. Wife 1.0 is an operating system. And it's designed by its creator to run everything. It's impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once installed.
WIFE 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your wife 1.0 manual under warnings. Alimony child support. I suggest installing the background application called Yes Dear. to alleviate the software augmentation.
The best course of action? is to enter the command c colon backslash apologize Because ultimately, you will have to give the apologize command before the system will return to normal. Anyway.
Well, I'm glad five of you like that. The title of this message is The Four-Sided Fortress of a Husband's Love. And I'm going to give you four. Applicational principles based on this text that form a fortress to protect those within, the four-sided fortress of a husband's love. What's interesting about the text is the word love doesn't even appear in the text.
Although it is a very apt and powerful description of how a husband's love ought to operate. Before we jump into our text this morning, I want to say something based upon. 30 plus years of Observing marriages and counseling couples. Before they're married. while they're married and sometimes after they're married.
I've made a very important discovery I want to share with you based on that. Here it is. I believe all humans on earth are incompatible with all other humans on earth. Mutual incompatibility is for every single person. Just give them enough time.
Because we're all sinners, we're all fallen individuals, we all have quirks in our personality, we have. Odd habits. and strange behaviors. And When two people get married They approached the marriage altar. with a picture in their minds.
of the perfect partner. The trouble is they marry an imperfect person.
So they're left with the option of A. Tear up the picture. and accept the person. or tear up the person. and accept the picture.
As one person put it, Robert Anderson. In any marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find grounds. for marriage.
So, ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you grounds for marriage and a good marriage based upon the role of the husband. In verse 7. But it's not just the husband. We take the whole package together.
So, if you don't mind, I'm gonna begin with verse one and work down for context's sake to verse seven. Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands. That even if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives. When they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward.
arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart. with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle, and a quiet spirit. which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves.
Being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. Whose daughters you are, if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Husbands likewise Dwell with them with understanding. giving honour to the wife as to the weaker vessel And as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not. Be hindered.
As I mentioned, there are four sides to this fortress, and here's the first principle: the first side. Submission. is mutual. It's mutual.
Now, notice how the verse begins, verse 7. Husbands. Likewise, stop right there. Likewise is a word that takes you back to the theme that Peter has been dealing with all along, which is the theme of submission. Right?
That's what we've been looking at week after week in the last several weeks here in our study in 1 Peter. And we mentioned that the the key verse is back in chapter 2, verse 12. That your conduct would be honorable among the Gentiles. The unbelieving world is watching. Therefore, in verse thirteen of chapter two, he says, submit.
Yourselves To every ordinance. of man. Look down at verse eighteen. Servants, be submissive. to your masters.
Go down to chapter 3, verse 1. Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands. You follow the theme? We submit as citizens to government. We submit as servants to masters.
Wives submit to their husbands. And then now notice verse 7: husbands. Likewise.
Now I will say that husbands do not submit in the same way that citizens do to a government or. Servants to a master or wives to a husband, but there is a level of submission that takes place. Mutually between husband and wife. And I want you to see how that is to be.
So, turn back a couple of books in your New Testament to the book of Ephesians, chapter 5. Probably the most famous. Passage of scripture on marriage in the New Testament, Ephesians chapter five. As you're turning to that passage. I want you to know that most teachings I have heard on marriage out of Ephesians 5 begin in the wrong place.
Most of them believe that the chapter has a flow to it. And that the flow of the family as a topic begins in verse 22 of chapter 5. Where it says Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. That's where the series on marriage generally begins. That's unfortunate.
It is unfair relationally. It is out of context biblically. It is therefore wrong theologically. It does not begin there. Back up one verse, and you'll see where it begins.
Submitting to one another in the fear of God. Submitting to one another mutually in the fear of God. That's the thought. After that thought is introduced, Paul then gives four examples of submission. An example for the wife, an example for the husband, example for children, and an example for servants.
So notice submitting to one another in the fear of God, followed by wives, submit to your own husbands.
Okay, I'm going to give you a news flash. Many husbands did not know this because verse 22 is their life verse. They've memorized it. Wives submit to your husbands. I know many homes Where husbands know verse 22 and not verse 21.
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Now, here's more from Pastor Skip. But in verse 22, you see where it says, wives submit. The word submit does not exist in the original. Text. In the Greek language, it is not there.
It is implied. Thus translators wrote it in there. But it actually begins in verse 21: submitting to one another in the fear of God. Then it says literally. Wives to your own husbands And then down in verse 25, husbands love your wives.
Then in chapter 6, verse 1, children obey your parents. Then in verse 5 of chapter 6, bondservants be obedient to those who are your masters.
So you see. Submission isn't just for the wife. It's for the wife. The husband? Children?
Servants. There are four examples of submission.
Now I know some of you guys are thinking, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Skip, are you telling me that I as a husband. Submit to my wife. In a manner of speaking, yes.
And I want you to see how you are to submit. Look back at verse 25 of Ephesians 5. Husbands love your wives just as. Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Listen, there is no greater act of submission than the willingness to die for another person.
Jesus on the cross was the world's greatest demonstration of submission. He submitted to the will of the Father. He submitted to the need of mankind. Needing the forgiveness of sins, that is a profound act of submission. Doesn't mean that the husband stops being the leader.
Certainly, in any organization, whether governmentally or at the workplace or in the home.
Somebody needs to make the decision, and yes, the husband. Is the head of the home. I had a woman come up to me and say, well, he may be the head of the home, but I'm the neck that turns the head.
Okay, have fun with that one. Here's an illustration that I found helpful. There was a guy driving his car out on a country road. And he came to a very narrow bridge. on a narrow road.
In front of him was the sign Yield.
So he thought, okay, that is my job to yield for oncoming traffic.
So he slows down to a stop. Peers over to see if anybody's coming. It's all clear, so he goes ahead. Later on that afternoon, he comes back over the same bridge, and on that side of the bridge was another sign that said. Yield.
So he thought, well, that's funny. I thought the yield sign was on the first side that I came in on this morning.
So, as he went across the bridge, he looked back to make sure. And sure enough, on both sides of the bridge was the sign, Yield. The point being is this. You want to avoid a head-on collision? Both drivers need to yield.
In a relationship, You can be stubborn. But both drivers relationally need to yield. Certainly, the husband. Must make, I believe, the final decision, even though it's not right, as we saw last week with Abraham and Sarah. But nonetheless, there is a yielding process that must take place.
William Hendrickson said, When grace changes the heart, Submission out of fear Changes to submission. out of love.
So submission is mutual. That's the first side of the fortress. Let's move to the second side, the second principle, consideration. is essential. Oh.
Still in verse 7, husbands likewise. Dwell with them, that is, dwell, live with your wives. Notice, with understanding. Understanding. Simple.
Understand what God's purpose for marriage is. Understand what your role as a husband and her role as a wife is. and above and beyond all things Understand her. I believe that husbands should be lifelong students of their wives. They need to understand them.
I need to become a linearologist. Having studied her so well. Because I have to know her well if I'm gonna love her well. Understanding, dwell with them with that knowledge and understanding. You know, the primary text in Genesis chapter 2.
It says, it is not good that man should be. Alone.
So God says, here's God's solution. I'm going to make a helper. Here's the word comparable to him, comparable, suitable. A counterpart, if you will. I'm going to make a helper as a counterpart.
To him. Actually, in the Hebrew, it says, I am going to make a helper like opposite him. That's an interesting way to put it. Like him. But opposite to him.
And the translation, by the way, suggests polarity. Just like you have a North Pole, you need a South Pole, because otherwise, that planet's going to go nuts. You need a balance. The North Pole to the South Pole.
So Men and women are different. and similar. Like opposite. Yeah, we're the same species. But we are on different wavelengths.
One book on brain physiology states this: men are different from women. They are equal. only in their common membership of the same species Humankind. But to maintain that they are the same in aptitude, in skill, in behavior, is to build a society on a biological and scientific lie. The book goes on to say: men and women are different because their brains are different.
Not better. Not inferior, not superior. Different. And one of the keys to a happy marriage is that you understand that. Dwell with them with understanding.
Men and women differ in so many different areas: basal metabolism, skeletal makeup. blood composition, heart rate. There are other differences. For example, In a conversation. A woman, when she speaks.
will maintain direct eye contact. for an average of 12 seconds. A man in a conversation will maintain direct eye contact for an average of three seconds. Also, women tend to find their identity in close relationships, not men. They find their identity in what they do, their vocation.
A woman will worry about her future until she gets her husband. A man will never worry about his future until he finds a wife. And there are communication differences. For example, Harvard University did a study of little kids on a playground, they monitore the noises they make. They tape recorded them.
And they discovered In listening to little kids' playground conversations, that the sounds that came out of little girls' mouths were actually recognizable words. Whereas The noises that came out of little boys' mouths. 60% were recognizable words. 40% were sound effects. Broom, bam, wah.
And let me just tell you something. As you get older, things really don't change. I'm here to tell you. Men still like the bottom line. Just cut to the chase.
What are you trying to say? We don't want details, right, men? You know what women want? Details, details, and more details. One of the reasons why, perhaps, is communication experts tell us the average woman speaks 25,000 words.
A day. The average man speaks around 12,500 words per day. Just under half. And what does that mean in marital terms? It means that when he comes home in the evening, gals, he's already used up 12,495 words.
He's got five left. You, on the other hand, you're just getting started. And he's wondering, how come she taught me? And she's thinking, he never says anything. Understanding that will help.
Somebody asked Albert Einstein's wife Do you understand the theory of relativity? She smiled and said no. But I understand Doctor Einstein. I guess I would ask Dr. Einstein, hey Einstein.
Do you understand your wife? Because that's the meaning of the passage. Husbands dwell with them with understanding. Submission is mutual. Consideration is essential.
Here's a third wall. Of this fortress. Cooperation. is practical. Same verse.
Giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel. and as being heirs together of the grace of life. You know, when it says giving honor, you know what it means? It means to assess or assign. Assign someone a place of honor.
To assess that they have value and to assign that value to that person. Honor is a word that means price or precious or priceless. It means that a husband Should treat her with respect and courtesy and kindness. And how about this word? Chivalry, remember that word?
Let's bring that baby back. Chivalry. Yeah. We're so glad you joined us today on Connect with Skip Heitzig. Before you go, here's a reminder.
When you give $50 or more this month, we'll send you the Expound Nehemiah 7 Message CD series with digital download, along with Pastor Skip's booklet, Overcoming an Anxious Mind, as our thanks. These resources offer biblical insight and encouragement to help you trust God in challenging seasons and experience his peace as you follow him. Your support helps keep this Bible teaching ministry on the air, connecting more people to God's word. Give today at connectwithsgift.com slash offer or call 800-922-1888. We'll see you next time for more verse-by-verse teaching of God's Word here on Connect with Skiff-Heitzig Weekend Edition.
Make a connection, never fool. Of the crisis. I cast your burning. Connect with Skip Heitzig is a presentation of connection communications, connecting you to God's never-changing truth in ever-changing times.
