It's filled with wisdom for building satisfying marriages and strong families. But it's not a marriage manual. It's the Bible. Today, on Turning Point, Dr. David Jeremiah explains why these ancient biblical principles are still relevant.
whether you want a strong marriage or you're preparing for one. to introduce his message, power up your marriage. Proverbs for partners. Here's David. And you know, the Bible has a lot to say about our relationship with each other in marriage, and the book of Proverbs gives us some.
Wonderful principles upon which to build a strong marriage. We'll look at those principles in a few moments. But, friends, have you noticed that the divorce statistics in America are frighteningly large, and the reason they're going down is simply most people are just living together without getting married, so you can't get divorced if you're not married. But the thing that really challenges me is that many of the reports that come back tell us there's little difference between those statistics in the world and in the church. And that ought not to be.
If you know the Bible, you know better. And today we're going to talk about some principles for partners from the book of Proverbs. We'll get to that in just a moment. Hey, we want you to know that we are doing something special for our couples and for all of us who love to be together in delightful situations, and that we have a Caribbean cruise conference coming up in December, the 26th of December through the 2nd of January. And we'll be going to the beautiful blue waters of the Caribbean.
And visiting Grand Turk, San Juan, St. Thomas, and the Half Moon Kay Island with our musical guests Michael Sanchez and Uriel Vega. We just came back from Alaska and many of the people who were there told me they're coming to the Caribbean, so we'll have some people that we've met already on this tour, and we would like to ask you to come. Go to our website and get all the details. and plan to join us.
Here is part one. Um, proverbs for partners.
Someone wrote about a 50th anniversary their grandparents had celebrated together. They were by then great-grandparents because they were in their 70s. Ted had lost much of his hearing during his 70 years on the earth. Yet they were still getting along together and celebrating this great anniversary. Their family came from all over and enjoyed celebrating together through the mid-morning and into the afternoon.
And finally, toward the sundown, all the family had gone home. And Bessie and Ted decided to walk out on the front porch and sit down and watch the sunset. And the old gentleman pulled his tie loose, leaned back, and didn't say much. But Bessie looked at him somewhat in wonder and said to him. You know, Ted.
I'm real proud of you. The old gentleman turned and looked at her rather quizzically. And after a moment, he said with a puzzled look on his face, Well, Bessie, I'm real tired of you too. I heard about a husband who. Ask his wife, he said, Honey, have you ever been in love before?
She thought for a moment and then she replied, No, darling, I once respected a man for his great intelligence. And I remember I admired another man for his remarkable courage. And I was captivated by yet another for his good looks and charm, but with you, well, how else could you explain it except love? Over the years, stories have been collected, have they not, about marriage and. how it's supposed to work and sometimes how it doesn't work and Oftentimes, we look in every other direction except to the Word of God to discover whether or not.
There is help for us. You know, the Bible was not written primarily as a marriage manual. But I'm sure you all know that all of truth is God's truth. And if you study the Word of God carefully, you will find throughout its pages the principles that will help you to build a strong family. And these are the principles that ultimately get written about.
In popularized books that are sold on the secular market. If you go and find the things that are really working, usually you can trace them back to a concept that's found in God's Word. I want to talk about four different concepts from the book of Proverbs. that help us understand what it takes to build a strong marriage. I want to go through the first three of these rather quickly and spend most of the time on the last one.
I think we all come to the Bible as Christians with a set of presuppositions, and of course, those presuppositions are okay as long as they're supported by the Scripture. And one of the presuppositions about a good marriage is that it is built around spirituality. You know, in the world, relationships begin, at least from the biblical perspective, from. The outside in. They start with the physical relationship.
And then if That works, it goes to the social relationship, and then if they think they can get along, it goes. to the spiritual sometimes. But for Christians, the relationship ought to begin from the inside out. You get to know each other spiritually and find out whether or not the person that you're dating is a person who knows God, because you know that if that isn't true, it's going to be very difficult to build much harmony there. Can two walk together unless they agree?
And then you decide whether or not you have compatibility socially, and you try to find out if you like some of the same things. You know, I often think how hard my marriage would have been if Donna wasn't a sports fan. I mean, she's always been a sports fan, and we've enjoyed so many sporting events together, but we've had that in common. And then, of course, the most intimate time of marriage is reserved for the focus of marriage, which is when marriage is consummated, and that's the physical part. Christians start from.
The inside out and non-Christians start from the outside in primarily. That's the difference between relationships. And so for a Christian, The most important thing is to know whether or not the relationship has any spirituality in it at all. In the book of Proverbs, there are some clues here and there. Here's one of my favorite proverbs, Proverbs 18, 22.
It says, he who finds a wife finds a good thing. and obtains favor. from the Lord. There is the Lord in the middle of the relationship. Proverbs 19, 14 says, A prudent wife It's from the Lord.
The Lord's involved. And Proverbs 31, 30, and 31 say, Charm is deceitful, and beauty is passing. But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates. Second Corinthians reminds us As believers, that we are not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness.
And what communion has light with darkness? I don't want to dwell on this for a long period of time. But I want to remind you. that it is always dangerous. To develop a relationship if you're a Christian.
with somebody who is not. Because relationships are the beginning of marriage. I have to tell you People supposedly understand this, but every once in a while someone says something to me that makes me realize that it's not a serious issue. I was in Charleston, South Carolina, and I had dinner with some families there and a couple. And after dinner, The man said to me, My wife has a question she wants to ask you, and she's been waiting for you to come so she could ask you.
He said, It's a spiritual question. And I said, well, what is the question? She said, well. I'm concerned. That if I die before my husband does.
That he'll marry somebody else, and then when we get to heaven, there'll be two of us. What will we do?
So I tried to explain to her and to him that the Bible says that in heaven we're neither married nor given in marriage, and I went through that whole thing, which we all know. And she said, Well, I can't help it. Just the thought of him being with somebody else, I just can't stand it. I can't even stand the thought of it. And without cracking a smile, this guy said, Well, honey, if you die, I'll try to marry somebody who's not going to heaven.
I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to fix that, except I wanted to make the point: you don't want to marry somebody that's not going to heaven. You really don't want to do that. The Bible says that a marriage starts At the center with spiritual oneness. And whenever that isn't true, and sometimes it happens not to be true because they both started outside of the faith, and maybe the wife got saved in a Bible study, now she's alone in the marriage.
In as far as being a Christian, all she can do at that particular time is take what is hers at that moment and carry it on with grace. And oftentimes, when one partner gets saved, they can be the means of the other partner coming to Christ if they live graciously and humbly and walk with the Lord.
So, Proverbs tells us that one of the building blocks of marriage is spirituality. Make sure the Lord's in the equation. In the fifth chapter of Proverbs, which is our text, we're reminded again that spirituality is one principle, but fidelity is another. Remember these words from Proverbs 5:15 and following: drink water from your own cistern. and running water from your own well.
Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets, let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress?
Now, here in the Old Testament language of wisdom, the words fountains and streams are euphemisms to speak of man's procreation capacity. And the idea is that a foolish man is a fountain scattering precious water. It's the picture of the wastefulness of sexual promiscuity. And the result of such indiscriminate sin is called streams of waters in the streets. It's a graphic description of the illegitimate street children of harlotry.
Solomon says, Let them be only your own. And not the children of such immoral strangers. In other words, Don't waste your energies and your procreative powers. Doing that which is immoral, but save all of that for the sanctity of your marriage and let there be fidelity at home. It's a much-needed message in our immoral culture today.
There was a television show some time ago where The guest was an actor and he was well known for his romantic roles on film. Predictably, during the interview, he was asked. What makes a great lover? I am confident that everyone who was watching the show expected the standard Macho Playboy response. To the surprise of the host and the audience, his answer must have raised eyebrows all across America.
It went something like this. A great lover is someone who can satisfy one woman all of her life long, and who can be satisfied by one woman all his life long. A great lover is not someone who goes from woman to woman to woman. Any dog can do that. End of quote.
You know Nobody else says stuff like this. If you don't believe the Bible, you wouldn't say it because it runs so cross the culture of our day. But isn't that a great statement that a great lover is a man who satisfies a woman for all of her life and is satisfied by that woman for all of his life? That's the way God intended it to be. And that's where fidelity comes.
That's why sexual relationships should never happen outside of the covenant of marriage, where two people have come together and committed themselves to one another to be faithful to one another and to stand by one another so that there will not be the straying away from that covenant. and the disobedience to the word of God. The Bible says here in Proverbs chapter 5: Rejoice with the wife of your youth. This is not only a reminder that God's perfect plan is one man, one woman for life. But it is also a picture of a happy family with the joy of the husband and the wife in relationship.
How many of you know that the joy of the family starts with the husband-wife relationship? When you have happy children, it's usually because mom and dad are happy too.
Now, there can always be happiness when there's brokenness in a marriage, but it's a lot harder. The one thing that children want to know more than anything else, when you ask them, and all of the surveys tell the same thing, they want to know mom and dad are okay. that they're doing all right, that they love each other, and that things are going to work out. And I know that whenever I speak on a subject like this, I speak to people who've gone through hurt and brokenness, and it's never my purpose to add more hurt to what you already feel. One of the things I like to insert right here is to say, That wherever you are in the process of life, in your relationship at home, If you know God, He can bring His grace to bear on your situation, and He can take broken things and mend them and make out of brokenness that which is beautiful, but only God can do that.
He's the only one.
So, if you experience brokenness, let me recommend to you that if you haven't put God in the equation, you might want to do that because really it's your only hope. Almighty God is the only one who can mend the brokenness in a person's heart and in a family and sustain the loss. that you might feel. This is not just another reminder. But throughout the Proverbs, there are some interesting insights about the things that help.
A relationship. to work. We're talking now about the principle of congeniality. If there is spirituality at the core and fidelity as the covenant, Then congeniality needs to be the characteristic of this relationship. That means you get along, that you work hard at relating to one another.
There is compatibility. How many of you know that compatibility isn't a given, it's something you work at?
Something that you deal with. There's no such thing as putting two people together in an intimate relationship without there being challenges and rough edges and things that need to be worked on. One of the top three things that married couples argue about. One of the most common causes of divorce is the disagreement about money, did you know? And it's interesting what the proverb says about the right perspective on money.
Listen to Proverbs 15, 16, and 17. Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure with trouble. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fatted calf with hatred. Isn't that a great proverb? Do you hear what the Proverbs says?
You're better off having a little bit. And having love. Than having a lot and having frustration and anguish. And sometimes couples don't understand that one of the things that brings frustration is the constant drivenness on the part of the man to make more money and have more things. And in the process, hopefully, it's going to make them happy.
And oftentimes, I hear these people saying, I remember when we first got started and we didn't have anything. And we were so much more happy than we are now. When we're trying to fit our relationship in between two or three jobs and all the things we're trying to do to make our way in this materialistic world. That's why Proverbs 16, 8 says, Better is a little. with righteousness than vast revenues without justice.
The book of Proverbs has some interesting concepts about how you have congeniality at home. Make sure you have the right perspective. I see godly men today doing things that I've never seen them do before. In the last year, I think there have been four or five men who have come to me and said to me, I was up for a promotion. It meant moving my family to a place I didn't like the spiritual environment.
I love what's going on here. My kids are in the Christian school. We have a wonderful relationship. I turned down the promotion. I don't know what it's going to mean to my career, but I know this is what God wanted me to do, and I'm going to put Him first and see what happens.
Amen. That's what we're talking about. the right perspective about money and life. Then Proverbs has some information about the righteous practices of husband and wife. Proverbs 11, 29 says, He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind, and the fool will be a servant to the wise of heart.
In other words, the one who mismanages his own house will see all that he has blown away, and he'll have nothing left in the end. Here's an interesting and vivid proverb. Proverbs 11:22 says, As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion. Here's what the proverb says: As beautiful as that ring may be on a lovely woman. If the woman has no discretion, you might as well put the ring in the nose of a swine.
of a pig. Isn't that an awful thought, an awful picture?
Well, so is a woman without discretion. That's the proverb. Here's one that's a bit more positive than that. Proverbs 12:4. An excellent wife.
is the crown of her husband. But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. Let's talk for a couple of minutes about the responses of love and grace between a husband and a wife. Proverbs 11:16 says, A gracious woman retains honor. Proverbs 15, 1 says, A soft answer Turns away wrath.
But a harsh word stirs up anger. That will short-circuit any arguments you have in your home. What is the tendency when someone yells at us or screams at us? What do we want to do? Scream back.
You answer softly and see what happens. It takes all the wind out of their sails. It cools the whole thing down. And it brings peace where there was Frustration. And then Here's a beautiful proverb.
Listen carefully. Proverbs 24, 26. He who gives the right answer. kisses the lips. Hmm.
Did you see that when you were reading through this book? He who gives the right answer kisses the lips. How easy it is in relationships at home not to give the right answer. Have you ever noticed how easy it is for us to color the truth or to shade things in our favor? And the Bible says that when we relate to one another and we give the right answer, it has the same effect as a kiss on the lips.
What a beautiful picture of relationships. at home between the husband and the wife.
Now, those are some of the things that will help you to have love and grace at home. But let me take A moment and give you a list of things that will hinder. And ladies, I'm not picking on you, I'm just reading what the scripture says. And before this series is over, this is going to be just as hard on all of us and just as helpful to all of us, I pray, as some of the things that seem to pop out here and there. But did you know how many times in the book of Proverbs this thought comes out?
Watch carefully. Proverbs 19, 13b. The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping. Proverbs 21, 9. Better to dwell in the corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
Proverbs 21, 19. Better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman. Yeah. Proverbs 25, 24: It is better to dwell in the corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 27, 15 and 16: A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
Whoever restrains her restrains the wind. And grasps oil with his right hand. In other words, it's hard to do. Did you know that the meaning of the word contentious is nagging?
So, ladies, I've never said this before in this church. Just don't do that. Just don't do that. The Bible Spends five verses in one book to tell you that that's not a good thing to do. Don't always be on his case.
Get on his team. Get off his back. And the same thing could be said for men because you know men can nag just as easily as can women. There's an old Arab proverb that goes like this. Three things make a house intolerable.
The leaking through of rain, a wife snagging, and bugs. That's not very good company, is it? Sven and Hulda were a Scandinavian couple. They were Christians. They sang in the choir.
They were at Sunday school every Sunday. They had prayer at every meal. They went to all the church functions, but they just could not get along. They both nagged at each other all the time. At home, it was terrible.
bickering and complaining and fussing. After both of them had devotions one morning, separately, of course. Hilda said to Spen, You know, Spen, I've been thinking. I've got the answer to this hopeless problem we've been having. with each other.
I think we should pray for the Lord to take one of us home to be with Him. And then I will go live with my sister. That's the principle of cordiality. Get along with each other. You know, it takes work to get along in a marriage.
That's what Proverbs is saying. And the kind of work that you do is sort of spelled out in these verses. And I hope that you've gained some understanding of that in these discussions we've been having. And we'll continue that discussion tomorrow as we bring part two of Proverbs for partners. Don't forget to get your copy of the book, God's Heart for Israel, during the month of August.
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You need to get this book and read it and be ready to answer the questions people are asking. And we'll see you next time right here. For more information on Dr. Jeremiah's series, Powerful Principles from Proverbs, please visit our website where we also offer two free ways to help you stay connected: our monthly magazine, Turning Points, and our daily email devotional. Sign up today at davidjeremiah.org slash radio.
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complete with notes and articles from Dr. Jeremiah's decades of study. Get all the details when you visit our website, davidjeremiah.org/slash radio. This is David Michael Jeremiah. Join us tomorrow as we continue powerful principles from Proverbs on Turning Point with Dr.
David Jeremiah.
