Fun and Faith-Based Activities for Dads to do with Their Kids

It was just, it was a great memory. I don't remember the spiritual significance of that one. I really don't. It was just plain fun. And that's another thing.

Stuff in this book is just fun. You know, and again, the minor things, making memories with your children, I think that's what. At least at my age. That's what I cherish, is those memories.

Well, that's Jay LaFoon, and he and his wife Laura join us today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And they're going to be talking about activities you can do as a mom or a dad with your kids. Thanks for joining us. I'm John Fuller. You know, it's possible you're just getting through the motions of life.

You're busy. You may have a job outside the home as a mom, and probably as a dad, you're working hard. And it comes to that point when you're going, man, we're just going through the motions. Listen, focus on the family. We don't want you to simply survive.

We want you to thrive as you are married and building your marriage, and especially on parenting, too.

So you're able to thrive in Christ, which is, I think, a great slogan. That is the goal. And I appreciate it. And today we're going to talk specifically about how to do that in the parenting journey, particularly for dads, but there's an application for mom too. But dads, we need to be engaged.

It's not just mom's job to raise the kids. And I hope we prove that to you today. Yeah, Jay and Laura LaFoon are authors and speakers, and they've written a terrific little book called Ultimate. Dad Night, 75 amazing activities for dads and kids. You can learn more in the show notes.

Jay and Laura, welcome back to Focus. Great to be here. Great to be here. Yeah, so fun. Let me just get to the point: why do dads struggle to engage?

Now, let me give dads some relief because one of the things I experienced with Trent and Troy, when they were like less than two, I didn't know what to do with them. I wasn't great at changing the diapers. I wasn't big on feeding them with the spoon and then them spit it all up. Of course, I did it. Gene was far better at that.

But I remember thinking to myself, like most of us dads, when does this change? When can they throw a ball? When can they run with me outside? When can we do some kind of action?

So to speak to that issue of dad engagement and we kind of start slow, I think. I think for me, I was afraid I was going to break them. I'm seriously, you know, here's this little person, and she was great with them. And I think part of it is that the whole Yeah. concept of it's something new, it's a new person.

And how do we yeah, you know, how do we relate to them? And I think for most men, it's fear. There's a fear. That's interesting. Yeah.

And that fear translates into Flight. You know, it's fight or flight. It turns into flight for a lot of guys. And when really Children want Their dads to be involved in their life. Oh, yeah.

Children want that, even from the earliest age. And that's why I think this book is so important, is because it gives dads opportunity to do things. Because, as men, we like to participate in activities together and not just sit and talk. And this is what this is all about for the dads.

Okay, thank you, Jay. Let's go to the expert, Laura. You're the observer, Mom. Why do you think dads struggle to engage? I think.

It's the way God's created us. As women, we're more nurturing. As men, I don't know what you guys are. We're going to keep you off balance. You're something, but you know, yeah, you are something.

But we're more nurturing.

So it's just we're more relational in that.

So we automatically, and there's something inside a woman that just. I need to take care of this person. It also applies to our husbands. I need to take care of you. And so I think for men, there's a.

At least for the men I've observed, when a new baby comes into your life, there's a bit of a. Power struggle. You know, my wife is now taking care of this.

Well, she's not taking care of me anymore. We're the little boy. I want to be taken care of.

So I think that starts it, but I think it's also exactly what Jay said. It's, I don't know what to do. I just know from observing him, he was like, I don't know what to do with this child. Just tell me what to do. You know, how do I change the diaper?

And for women, sometimes we just, I don't know why we just know how to do that, but we do. And, you know, it just was, it. I feel like it's just a God-given innate ability that we have. And it's not that God didn't give men that, but men are more companion-oriented. Even when you talk about marriage, men want to do stuff with their wife.

They don't want to, like Jay said, we don't want to sit and talk and share our feelings and all that stuff. They want to, let's go ride a bike, let's go play golf, let's go.

So it's that. It's not that they don't want to be with their kids. They just, when they're little, you can't throw a ball. You can't make them run. They can't.

Things become much more exciting when they could do that with me. That is much more engaging. And it's a lot easier then.

Now I know what to do.

Now it's into my territory.

Now I just wanted to do. Let me move to Laura. You. What would you say to wives who want to see their husbands get more involved? And, you know, it's kind of one of those things.

And this is a natural thing for a wife to do, honey. I think you should, and fill in the blank. How does an effective wife notice that there's maybe not the engagement level that she would like? Right. And then how does she spur her man on to become more the father she wants him to be?

Well, I can answer that a couple different ways. First of all, You're right. We try and tell this is you should do this, you should do that, what we need to do. And I hope that women who maybe buy this book for their husbands will realize let him be Who he is. You know, don't, I would never tell Jay to take our son to a monster truck rally because he wouldn't do that anyway.

He would take our son golfing. But, you know, let them be who they are and let that come out naturally. If, in fact, if you were to get this book for your husband, you know, first of all, 75 amazing activities, a man's going to go. 75, where do I start?

Well, you could go ahead as a wife and just put in some little post-it notes or whatever, maybe five or six. This one sounds like you, honey. But then just give it. Don't say anything. Here, I've already tagged some for you if you want to.

The other thing is, we need to realize as women that our husbands are not mind readers and they don't get subtle hint and innuendo.

So it's the classic: if you take a trash can out and stick it in the middle of the floor and say, the trash is full. Yes, it is. Exactly. You're observant.

So instead of could you take out the trash, and so it's the same thing when it comes to your kids. Could you help me give the kids a bath?

So could you give them baths on Monday, Wednesday, Friday?

Well, in that context, that is helpful, and husbands should receive it that way. It's good help to know what the runway lights are going. What are you expecting of me? I would appreciate that as much as possible. But then, as a wife, we also have to watch our tone of voice, that we don't become.

You should know how to do this. Thank you. I was going to ask you to demonstrate that to me. The nagging of why can't you do this? You know, whatever.

So I'm going to get myself in trouble. Hey, before I throw one Jay's way here, let's end with another one for you, Laura. In this book, again, this doesn't exclude moms from participation. And just speak to that relevance that we want moms involved if they can be, and dad has a plan for that, and it works out.

So this isn't about just compartmentalizing fun with dad. Right. It's not. It's the intent was to just give men ideas for things that they can do with their kids. A mom can participate.

It could be a family activity. I know for us, we've done several of them together. But also, it seems like when we as women go with, again, let him be the leader in doing the activity. Don't try and take over and say, oh, we should have done this this way. We should have gone to this ice cream place instead of that ice cream place or whatever it might be.

Or as a mom, a Grandma, you can use the book too for the activities. It doesn't necessarily just have to be for dads, but because we run into a lot of grandparents who are. Parenting their grandkids. And again, for grandparents who are looking for something to do, another great resource. The good thing is, you'll forget you did it.

You can do it again. Let's get into a couple of these just as examples so that folks listening and the YouTube watchers can get an idea. One, John, that you picked out as you went through the book was funny because this is for an older child, obviously.

Well, yeah, you can start young. I mean, it's detailing your car. It's sort of like washing details. My two-year-old details. I'm just saying.

This is on page 76. You might have to go back and redo it, but I love the idea because it's an activity, but it also benefits me. It does cause a little extra work, however, in training, right? Yeah, but you have to let the six-year-old hold the Windex in the paper out.

So describe what that one is all about.

Well, that one is about the fact that. As you do this work together, as you're cleaning this car, you're. Clearly spending time with your child. You're teaching your child. Healthy work ethic and healthy habits to keep your car clean.

I mean, there's just a million things that are behind the scenes, but it's also that God cares about every detail of our life. You know, and these are the simple things we've done in this book: to just say, this isn't rocket science. We're not talking about deep theology. But, dads, don't you want your kids to know, moms, don't you want your kids to know that God cares about every detail of our life? Yeah.

You know what? What pops to my mind is a great proverb that says, train up a child in the way he or she should go, and when they are old, they won't depart from it. And these are simple things that you're talking about. How to, you know, there is no thing cleanliness is next to godliness in the Bible, but order, you know, doing order from chaos is the steward of what we've been given.

So, those concepts I'm getting at, that's the point you're making. I think so. And I think this is cliché, but More is caught than taught. Yeah. You're going to demonstrate, you're going to model.

This behavior for your children. What was another one that you enjoyed with your kids as they were growing up? I was telling Laura, we went on vacation. Our son was six. Laura was pregnant with our daughter.

And My parents were there, a couple other relatives were there, and we had this giant water balloon fight. And my six-year-old could not believe that we were going to have this water balloon fight. And I mean, he was just giddy. And of course, you know, you nailed him, right? He was on my team.

We nailed grandma. Oh, geez. Poor grandma, that's terrible. Don't write or call us. Send yourself a little bit of a job.

What he didn't realize was that we were at a rental house, you know, for the vacation, and we had to pick up all the balloons when we were done. But it was just, it was a great memory. I don't remember the spiritual significance of that one. I really don't. It was just plain fun.

And that's another thing. Stuff in this book is just fun. And again, the minor things, making memories with your children, I think that's what, at least at my age, that's what I cherish is those memories.

Well, and now that my boys are 24 and 22, I think they have forgotten it, right? And they'll come back to some.

Something when they were a single-digit young man, six and eight, let's say. And say, Dad, you remember when we did it? I'm going, no, I don't. And it stuck with them. They do remember those moments.

And I think our brain chemistry kind of fires that way. God created us that way. When something exciting happens or fun like that, it sears into our brain and our memory. Speaking of that, Laura, I wanted to ask you about the benefits of dads engaging and playing with their kids. You did a little bit of research on the benefits of that.

What are they? You know, I think the benefits of a dad playing. In a culture where, um Men not of their own accord have taken a back seat, have taken a beating, have taken a you know, were not as important. I think when a dad is engaged with a son or a daughter, there's a relationship that's built that is not Acknowledged by our culture. When Jay would, one of the things he would do with our daughter was he would take her on dad-daughter dates.

You know, sometimes it was a dress-up date. The big thing right now is these daddy-daughter dances, you know, where they all get dressed up, and they, but you're teaching your daughter. How she should expect to be treated by a man. Right. You know, and that he would take her and they would go, sometimes it was just ice cream, but it was just the two of them.

And then obviously he would do stuff with our son as well. And I think for. A child, when someone starts talking to you about God the Father, God is our father, if you don't have a father model in your brain, you can't understand that. And so when a man takes a role in the life of his child, They are more able to see when someone says God the Father to go, oh. like my dad.

So he's going to be like a dad, and that feels a little more personal, feels a little more.

So I think one of the benefits is that you Exemplify God the Father when you are a dad getting involved in the life of your child. You're modeling that. Yes. No, that's so true. Or you're damaging that.

Right. Either way, yes. You know, there's so many stories in that regard. You know, people from within the church, dads from within the church, will get letters from their adult daughters who will say, my dad did not really portray a godly man for whatever reason. You can fill in the blank from really horrific things to just anger or things like that.

It's a good reminder for all of us as parents to make sure that you're thinking of that long game. You know, when you face the Lord, can you say to the Lord, I did the best job possible to parent and to steward that child you gave me or those children you gave me? What a great place to start to keep your day-by-day attitude in check so that you're doing the best you can. Doesn't mean you're going to lose it. You may, and you got to go back in and then apologize.

But it's probably one of the things that grieves my heart the most when we get communication here at Focus about a seriously damaged person because their parents, who claimed to be Christian, did not live up to it. And these children tend to go far away from the Lord because of that. Think of that. Right. And we need to make sure we're doing all we can.

So, in this way, you're doing those things.

So, try to live a life that is in alignment with the scripture, knowing that we're not perfect. Tell your kids you're not perfect. It's a good thing. Exactly. And whether we believe it or not, our kids are watching us like hawks.

More than anybody in our lives, maybe outside of our wives. I don't know. Laura, some mobs can get discouraged because they have to deal with those. Hard or boring parts of parenting. I mean, mom's particular.

I was thinking of Jane, she did biochemistry, you know, she could. Could have been a veterinarian, that was her goal, but she chose to let's have children, and that's what I'm going to pour my life into. And she did it very willingly and wanted to. And my boys were the beneficiaries of having a great mom. Speak to that kind of thing where how you, as a mom, are saying, okay.

This is the decision I'm going to make. This is the call I have. This is what I'm going to do. Yes, I felt. I knew from a very early age I was called, I was going to be a mom.

I loved kids. I worked at the church nursery as a pre-adolescent. I was, give me the nursery work. I want to be in there. I loved kids.

And so I knew that wasn't a difficult decision for me. I knew I'd been called to ministry, that we were going to work together in ministry, but I knew working in ministry was a way I could be flexible with our life. I could be flexible with being home with the kids. But I know some moms deal with, well, how come I have to be the bad parent and he gets to be the fun parent? Did you ever say that to Jay?

No. No, because ours was opposite. I was in a home. My father was a minister who was in the military. Oh, good.

So I was left right. Yes, exactly.

So I was the bad guy in our home. And when you traveled, you were speaking. He was traveling and speaking before we were doing that together. And so whenever he was gone for the weekend, the kids and I had a party. I mean, that was just, we ate out at McDonald's.

We played games. Pizza. We didn't do anything. I'd come home, the house was a mad spot. But we still had those conversations.

We still had those conversations of how come I have to be the stern parent and you get to be the fun parent. And I had to realize that, you know, that really is not fair. I need to be on a team with him and we have to come at this as a united front. And that was just when our kids would say, Can I go spend the night at Daniel's house? Our son would say, Can I go spend the night at Daniel's house?

I would say, We have to wait, and Dad and I talk about it. We have to present that reunited front. I think Laura had some unique challenges that can relate to some of what you're talking about, in that. I got to go to some amazing places as a speaker. Yeah.

And she was like, You never said that on the phone, did you? No. Man, you wouldn't believe this was your time. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But and she was like, why am I the one that has to stay home? Yeah. And so I think every couple struggles with that. Is the, you know, just balancing that whole. What did you say?

It was a dump, honey. It was just a total dump. Oh. The kids got older, we went with them. Yeah, that's and so that was the best answer.

But I think also, as a woman, realizing, you know. This is the way God has, again, created us. And, Jay, one of the ideas is to kind of stretch outside of your comfort zone.

So, what's the importance of that? Why should my kids see me maybe failing? Because, like, I just hear failure when I stretch outside of my comfort zone. Yes. Let's try a new activity.

It'll be dangerous. It might go south, but let's try it. I'm not wired that way. Right. A lot of guys aren't going to go there.

Ego. Why should we?

Well, there is a pride in showing us. I will tell you that we've got a rock climbing wall at our college. And. I am short in stature. I am stocky.

I'm thick. Climbing rocks is not something that I was designed to do. But our son wanted to do it. And so I said, I'll give it a try. And of course, he just scampered right up the wall at eight or nine years old, had no fear.

And I got about halfway up, and then I was done. I just couldn't. But. I tried. And I think for another great lesson for your kids, is that you gave it a try.

You put some effort into it. He knew that that was not my comfort zone, but that was something he wanted to do, so I'll give it a try. Yeah. Um. Thank goodness he never wanted to do it again.

No, I, you know, I had a similar experience with Troy, my younger son. We went to something that Focus does from time to time, adventures and fatherhood.

So these are dads and their 12 to 18-year-old children, either a son or a daughter. And I took Troy. I took him a year or two early, but you know, because it was a Focus event, I could sneak him in. But we're up on the prowl in the Sierra Madres in California, and this thing's like a 200-foot drop, and we're roped in, and he's trying to come over this rock face. He slams into the rock in front of him, and he starts crying.

And I'm holding my weight. I'm a big guy like you, right? And I'm going, Troy, man, we got to get down. I know you're afraid. Just work your way down when you can.

I've got to go. And then I was gone. And I get to the bottom. I'm waiting for him.

So my face, seeing him in tears, I felt horrible. And then he lands and he looks at me and goes, Dad, that was so much fun. We got to do that again. And I was like, oh my, what a man we have become in 200 feet. And that's your point.

And that the other thing is, three of the six dads in our little pod had to bail out because of height. And that night we're doing a devotion around the campfire. And to hear their 10, 11, 12-year-olds go, Dad, why are you afraid? They have never seen their father afraid. And they had to say something in the middle of this devotional to say, you know, I don't like heights or however they wanted to express that.

But I think the kids were, again, amazed because I think so often kids look at their fathers as. perfect or flawless or they're big and they're, you know, they're my dad. And they can do anything, right? That's what we think at that age. I was more out of my comfort zone with our daughter.

Doing things with her. You know what I'm saying? Because, dad, let's go do sidewalk chalk.

Well, first of all, I'm not artistic. Second of all, I don't like stuff on my finger. I mean, you know, it's all this stuff. I'm thinking, I don't want to do that, but that's what she wanted to do. And so, you know, sometimes it's scary, sometimes it's just inconvenient.

But when you step outside of your comfort zone, your kids notice. How do you encourage Jay dads to set that example for kids on practically following God and serving others? These are all little, like you said, life lessons, but they should have an aim. Again, I think as a dad, it's best done through activity. Yeah.

You know, and shoulder to shoulder. Exactly. One of the things that we did, and our kids will remember it to this day and they talk about it, is we had a Woman in our neighborhood who was recently widowed, and it was fall in Michigan, and that means there are. Leaves everywhere. And our small group said, let's get all of our family.

You know, you bring all your kids, we'll bring all our kids, and we'll do Mrs. Philippon's yard in an hour or so. And we did. And we had fun while we were doing it because it was so many people, and Mrs. Philippon was.

Flabbergasted. She couldn't believe someone would do this for her. And, you know, we had an opportunity that evening to talk about it, what it meant to the children. You know, what did you learn today? That we really need to serve other people.

And that when you do serve other people, you bless them. And I mean, our kids were. Maybe 13 and 6 at the time. It's not like they were older, but they really learned that because we went out and we did service together. And churches offer stuff like this all the time that you can do with your kids.

So take advantage of that. Laura, you jumped in on that one, right? Oh, y raking? Sure. I brought the lemonade.

No, no, we did. It was a fun day, and it's fall in Michigan, so the kids were playing in the leaves, and then they'd have to rake them back up. But I was gonna say, it's about the failure, I think it's good to let your kids see you fail. Good to let your kids see that you have fears and also letting them know that fear is not a bad thing. Yeah.

But what I'm afraid of might be different than what you're afraid of. You know, I'm afraid of bridges over water, and my kids used to think that was hilarious. Why? I said, because I'm afraid the car is going to go off the edges. That just, it was something that I'd been afraid of since I was young.

And the kids are like, okay. I can understand that. You know, I can't, I don't necessarily understand it, but I'm going to let you be afraid, mom. I'm not going to make fun of you. But allowing kids to realize that what you're afraid of isn't maybe necessarily what I'm afraid of, but we all have fear.

And what we do with it makes a difference. I think the overarching idea here is to let your kids see you have emotions. It's a good thing. Yeah, it's a good thing. Dads struggle with that.

I know, and I don't understand why, because maybe I'm different, but I wanted my kids to see when I was sad. I wanted them to see when I was angry. But to be angry and Not explode. You know, this really is not something I'm happy about, but I'm not going to explode over it. Or, you know, To let them see you cry.

And not that it's a big, you're going to bawl your eyes out, but have that tear run down your cheek, they're going to realize you're human and that you. express emotions and it's safe for them to express emotions. It's a good thing. Right at the end here, you did have an activity or two i i in the area of teaching your children to be intentional about prayer.

So let's connect that right at the end here. That, to me, is probably the most important lesson you could ever share with your child: how to take your needs and pains to the Lord. no longer live in a neighborhood. We live in a Around a block kind of neighborhood. But we lived in town, had a block, and one of the things that We encourage dads to do is to take your children.

Around the block, and as you go around the block, say, Hey, there's the Smiths. That's the family that right now they just lost their Grandfather. Can we pray for them just as we're walking? Oh, interesting. And okay, here's your best buddy.

Why don't we pray for him that he has a good day today? And as you go around the block, you know, at least in our small town, you know everybody. And so. Take some intentional time to just pray. And again, men fear this.

It doesn't have to be some big, elaborate prayer. Just, God, little Jimmy, he's Tori's. Best friend, would you give him a good day today? Boom. The Lord hears that.

And the kids hear you talking to God like he's approachable. Right. And that's huge. That's so good.

Well, what a good place to end. And again, you got 75 amazing activities for dads and kids. Make a gift of any amount. Jump on board with us. Let's save more marriages, save more families, save babies from abortion.

When you give to focus, that's what it goes to. A bunch of good stuff. And why don't you make a gift of any amount? $5, $10, and we'll send you this great resource, Ultimate Dad Night, as our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry. For grandparents, get it for your adult children.

Have that discussion with your son or your son-in-law and say, there's a way to engage your kids, and it can be fun and not fearful. Yeah, get in touch, request this book, donate as you can. The details are in the show notes or call 1-800, the letter A in the word family. Jan Laura, it's so good to have you. Thanks for coming.

Hey, it's our pleasure. Our pleasure. Yeah. And if you want to come visit the campus, we've got a great welcome center with lots of activities. We've got a soda shop, a little snack shop, along with a great bookstore.

Make it a plan to come and visit us this summer, along with probably another 100,000 people that love to do that.

So be part of it. Come see the campus. We'd love to host you. Yeah, and all the details for a campus visit are going to be online. We'll link over to those in the show notes as well.

And plan to join us next time as we hear from Erin Lynum. She'll explain how rest can radically transform your way of living. And so at 14, My parents had to coach me in biblical stress management and taking every anxiety, every thought to the Lord, stepping back in prayer, and that's truly where the Lord began to lead me into this deeply restful lifestyle. On behalf of the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

If the fights with your spouse have become unbearable, if you feel like you can't take it anymore, there's still hope. Hope-restored marriage intensives have helped thousands of couples like yours. Our biblically based counseling will help you find the root of your problems and face them together. Call us at 1-866-875-2915. We'll talk with you, pray with you, and help you find out which program will work best.

That's 1-866-875-2915.