Abortion/ Adoption: Miracle Birth

So I almost missed the birth of our first son.

That's right. You totally were gone. Go ahead tell him where I was.

Okay so. I don't want to admit it. This is our first child and the nurse tells me after checking me, oh honey you're gonna be here at least 24 hours. So Dave takes us like I'm out of here and he goes. I mean it is like I left the hospital but I thought you know I got to go take care of business so I'll just go read a magazine somewhere. And 20 minutes later I'm by myself. It's 3 in the morning and all of a sudden I'm thinking I'm having this baby right now. No one's there and I'm yelling Dave!

Dave! And no one's coming. I'm clicking the nurse. Finally she comes in. I said I'm having the baby. And so yeah I think you did finally make it. Well I came running. I mean I am halfway down a hospital hall so it was a long way. You were yelling so loud.

I'm like oh my goodness I better get out of here and I go run it in there. And CJ was born our first and it was pretty traumatic. Welcome to Family Life Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.

And I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us at familylifetoday.com or on our Family Life app. This is Family Life Today. So I almost missed the birth of our first and it was pretty traumatic. Very traumatic.

Very traumatic. But I mean as being a parent to three sons and now grandkids you learn every birth is a miracle. And so today I mean I've never had a person like this in the studio. I'm looking across at a miracle. I mean we know that with every guest that comes in but your story Melissa Oden is with us and it's a miracle. So welcome to Family Life Today.

Thank you and if it makes you feel any better my husband almost missed the birth of our second child. He went down for lunch. Come on. For real. What happened?

They didn't think that I was close to delivering her and he went down for lunch and they came back to check me. Panic. Panic. Don't move an inch. Don't breathe.

Don't. Same thing that I had. And we're calling him. We're texting him and in the hospital you can't really get a good signal these days. And he just barely made it for the birth of. And our first child took me forever to deliver. It was a long hard delivery and so. So you were surprised by the second one being so quick. Clearly he was too. Unbelievable. But he made it.

But you're right. And did you Melissa did you feel like that? Like this child is a miracle. Oh absolutely.

And I think by and large our world understands that in our heart but I think sometimes it gets lost in translation in our culture. Yeah well it's interesting as I said this is the first time I've ever had a story like yours. I read your book which is a great book called You Carried Me A Daughter's Memoir. I'm just gonna let you tell the story. I know you have a master's in social work. You deal with well you're gonna tell us. But I think the only way to start this program is just to say what's your story? Oh wait so you're keeping the listener in suspense. I just want you to start.

Okay listeners I just want to say pull up cloaks because you're gonna want to hear this. This is one of those stories that's so miraculous you're not gonna want to miss this. And I always would preface it to say I know some of my story is hard for people to hear because of their own experiences but I hope that as I share my story people see God's hand in my life and they realize that as unique as my story may be there is so much grace and it's about love and it's about forgiveness and it's about the plans and the purpose that God has for every life.

Yeah. I was sharing with somebody earlier today I wish I could share my story and simply allow people to always see God's plan in it. But sometimes our culture hears stories like mine and somehow attempts to shame us for having the story when it's a story that we didn't have any control over. I am literally a baby who survived a failed abortion.

I'm 44 years old now I'll age myself very quickly and get that out of the way for your audience. But I survived a failed abortion and we live in a world that somehow says that doesn't happen and if it does happen it must be so incredibly rare and if you do have this story you should probably not speak about it publicly because it makes people uncomfortable because maybe they've had an experience with abortion or somehow this is a political thing and at the end of the day it sends a message to people who have stories like mine to say you don't belong here but God intends for each and every one of us to belong. My story started 44 years ago in a little town in Sioux City Iowa that is when my birth mother Ruth found herself facing an unplanned pregnancy. Ruth was in college she was 19 years old she was engaged to my biological father I didn't know that for a really long time they had dated all throughout high school into college were in love probably thought they had the world at their feet and didn't know that they had become pregnant with me. Ruth had been heavily involved in sports didn't realize the signs of being pregnant and so her mother who was an OBGYN nurse saw those signs in her finally that her body was changing. So her mother saw before Ruth even knew? She did can you imagine?

Yeah Wow. So she's confronted by her mom who says hey I think you're pregnant. What? I can't imagine how much trauma that was for her and then the trauma just continued because they learned very quickly that she was pregnant. Sadly my grandparents were not supportive of an unplanned pregnancy back in 1977 in their community. It didn't fit to the profile that they had in the community it didn't fit the profile of them being in their church every Sunday and I share that not to cast blame or shame upon them but because I hear this story in so many families.

Yeah. So in their circumstances they found out she was pregnant and within days my grandmother sat my biological parents down and literally screamed at them from what the family has been able to share with me. They can remember how loud the noises were inside the house when my grandmother was making her feelings known and ultimately she made it very clear to them that there was one option and that was abortion. Within days they forced a saline infusion abortion upon Ruth. She was placed in the hospital where my grandmother was involved as a nurse. She oversaw the education of a lot of the young nurses at that hospital and so they forced this saline infusion abortion upon Ruth against her will.

They bypassed hospital regulations and procedures. She should have gone before a therapeutic committee at the time saying why she needed a late-term abortion. How many how many months? The abortionist wrote on my medical record she was probably 18 to 20 weeks pregnant with me but the fact that I weighed a little less than three pounds made it clear to those medical professionals that she was probably more like 31 weeks and that's what's included in my medical records. And full-term is 37 to 40 weeks.

Mm-hmm. So that's why you were such a big child like you were much further along than 18 weeks. I was a whopping two pounds 14 ounces but much further along justationally than what they had expected and I know abortion is not ever pleasant to hear about or talk about but for those who aren't aware of what that procedure involved that saline infusion abortion was the most common abortion procedure back in the 1970s.

What is that procedure? Yeah it involved injecting a toxic salt solution into the amniotic fluid surrounding the baby in the womb and the intent of that toxic salt solution was to poison and scald the child to death. Usually lasted about 72 hours if the child was fortunate enough their life was ended within 24 hours and then the rest of the time was just spent inducing labor. And it's a horrific procedure for a child to undergo it's a horrific procedure for a woman to undergo. You know I've talked to so many women who have shared their stories courageously with me and said they could feel their child fighting for life thrashing about in the womb before they ultimately lost it. You know we know through my medical records that it was a horrific procedure for Ruth and I not for 24 hours or three days it was actually five. So the mental anguish of your birth mom too must have been horrific. Yeah mental anguish physical pain you know we now know that they really thought she might lose her life in the midst of that abortion procedure because it was dragging on for so long and it was a risky procedure in and of itself in the first place. Now why would it go five days? Well they couldn't successfully induce her labor I'm stubborn.

My husband would tell you this. By the grace of God I go he gave me this perseverance spirit but. So you were literally fighting for your life. I was yeah and by all intents and purposes you know they really thought the abortion had been successful especially after five days keep trying keep trying more solution more solution and so on the fifth day of the abortion procedure they induced Ruth's labor finally and you know I'm sure they were grateful that it was over but really my story was just beginning because that day when they finally induced her labor I was accidentally born alive. We celebrate birthdays in our world we know them we love them but I don't know if people sometimes think about what that really means hmm I have a day that I celebrate as my birthday that is the day that I was accidentally born alive. And yet your mom doesn't know you're alive.

Mmm who would have thought? And I have to say like the first time that I heard your story and I saw your face I wish you listeners could see Melissa she's beautiful and we're all beautiful because we're God's creation but the first time I saw you and I thought oh this is the face of a child that was aborted like we would have never seen this beautiful face and you have a voice and you have a purpose and I was teary watching you thinking I've never seen the face of a person that has survived an abortion and I thought what a loss to not have you here. Thank you and that makes me emotional because you know we have tens of millions of children who have remained nameless and faceless and voiceless and I am a mother myself and not a day goes by that I don't look at my children and think yeah wow you know what if that abortion would have been successful yes my children never would have existed and that is a pain like no other pain. Right and so you're born your birth mom thinks that you've died that the abortion was successful so now she's in her own trauma of trying to heal and get past this and what happened did they whisk you away? Yeah my life story has been a long and winding road a bit like a rollercoaster probably more than a long and winding road yeah but I now know that when I was born alive that day there were demands made to leave me to die I mean I know again as I shared parts of my story are incredibly hard for people to hear. Just in case people are wondering and we don't need to know the details but you actually later went and found your mom and that's why you know these details well we'll get to that later yeah some people are like how in the world do you know this well exactly you went on a journey we'll hear about it later but so take us back. Well not only did she know and meet her mom but she met the nurse. Yeah I've met medical professionals or had communication with them to know the rest of the story I think that's you know I love seeing how God intersects all of our lives and says truth and more truth and here's some more truth Melissa but yeah we now know that my grandmother is the one who demanded that I'd be left in that hospital room to die and at least one nurse a tall blonde nurse rushed me off to the NICU at that hospital. Because she saw you gasping. Yeah yeah I truly believe that's why I'm alive today because God knew who needed to be working that day. They started to provide medical care they prayed for me they saw God's just God's wondrous work in me I mean to me that's the part that makes me emotional because they were the first people to truly see me and show that respect for me and so they provided medical care that sustained my life I suffered from severe respiratory and liver problems seizures they thought I had a fatal heart defect you know the prognosis for my life was very poor but little could I have known that Ruth was told that day it had been successful before I was taken out of the room she was told it's hideous it's a monster don't look at it ah she didn't know if it had been a little boy or a little girl who had been aborted and she spent over 30 years of her life with incredible regret so she was living in her own place of trauma while my story continued and I didn't know my story for a long time mm-hmm we all have untold stories yeah we families have secrets oh yeah yeah there I think there's a lot of secrets and there's shame attached to those secrets and I think that the enemy wins when we never share our secrets because we think it's the greatest horror story God says I'm gonna bring hope to the world with your story if you let it out into the light absolutely and that's what you're doing you're allowing us to see the sad truth it also gives us hope mm-hmm you know as you think do you know that nurses name I don't know the Taliban nurse that rushed me in but I have a relationship with a nurse who received me there in the NICU that day and I have a relationship with another nurse volunteer when I was transferred to another hospital I now have another nurse in my life who was very young at the time and asked why I didn't have a name when I was a couple of months old you know why is this baby here and why doesn't she have a name and they told her about what I had survived and and they gave me a name at the hospital they named me Katie Rose but she came looking for me in the last 10 years and we met face-to-face and she was a huge support to me when I went through my younger daughter having a lot of health issues she was there for me is she the one that knit you booties didn't someone bring you booties those nurses at that hospital yeah knitted me little baby booties that my daughters used to put on their dolls but I still have my little tiny diaper we all want to be remembered don't we hmm I mean we do I think we're a world full of people who want people to see us hear us acknowledge us remember us yeah and that can be dysfunctional I think in many ways but at the heart of the matter what they did in remembering me was life-giving well and the thing that I'm looking at too is God's hand where he's putting people around you like maybe she wasn't wanted in this situation but even your birth mother wanted you but I'm still going to put people around Melissa who are my angels kind of on the earth that are gonna love her see her provide for her isn't that sweet of God and I think we all have that thought like did God ever see what I was going through did he know was he there and yes I think the answer is yes he's always been there and sees us mm-hmm yeah that was one of the most intense conversations that Ruth and I ever had was you know she had questioned and said if there is a God Melissa because you talk about him all the time but if there is a God where was he when I needed him oh and it was just so heartbreaking for me but I just remember taking a deep breath and saying he was there all the time hmm and if it wasn't for him we wouldn't be here today but when you're in the midst of that struggle in that pain of course we have those moments where we go really Lord where are you right now because this isn't what I thought it would look like this isn't what I thought it would feel like I didn't think any of this struggle was gonna happen and he's still there in the midst of it yeah you know I I don't know and you don't know her name but I think all you know she's a tall blonde I guess yeah nurse I think of her being like an angel that's where God was he was right there and I think there's times in our life where we are the tall blonde you know and situations where we feel a nudge or we see a situation that somebody needs to act and it's so easy to turn and walk or think somebody else will or I don't want to get involved yeah or this is too messy I should just walk away yeah I mean I can imagine she might have even thought this baby's supposed to be left here yeah what am I doing I'm actually interrupting something that's already been started and yet God used that woman or you're not here today and your daughters aren't we're not sitting here right now and I thought how many times in my life have I been that person where I see something and instead of saying I'm gonna do something to be the hand and feet of God I often have turned mm-hmm and not even knowing the the ramifications of if I would have acted something beautiful could have been done I think our listener needs realize it could be you maybe there's a listener right now that already knows what God has spoken or nudged them to do and they've said no no it's too scary or I don't know what's gonna happen I think that tall blonde nurse whoever she was is a message to us it's like Isaiah 6 here I am Lord send me and I'm not gonna ask you to send somebody else you're sending me I'm gonna step in there I don't know what's gonna happen but I know you're leading me so I know the results are gonna be your plan it's much like Esther you know she was born for such a time as this and I was actually walking this morning and praying because I knew that we were gonna talk to you Melissa and hear your story and I thought about that like Lord I want you to use me I want wherever you want me to be like help me to say yes and to know that prodding of your spirit when you want me to walk into situations or when you want to use me help me to say yes in those situations and I think it's that simple it's a yes it is just say yes hmm when God leads you I mean you're sitting here right now I know you're on your way to another event where you're gonna stand up and advocate for the you know the unborn you've said yes to God's calling your life yeah I often tell people I life is an adventure I call every day a Holy Spirit moment because I never know where I'm gonna be called what I might say I mean don't we all do this where we say something or we say yes to something you go whoa whoa wait a minute I mean why did I say yes to that yeah maybe I misspoke no you know what the Lord doesn't ever have it wrong and so it is an adventure and I think we are so scared sometimes of faith yeah but yet that's what we are called to hmm yeah we sort of don't and I don't know if it's the culture now it's always been true before we say yes to God we often want to know yes it's literally Peter in the boat saying okay I'm gonna step out there but can you yes yeah but that's not the the adventure and you're so right Melissa it's like man I thought when I gave my life to Christ 40 some years ago I was giving up no I can't do this anymore I can't do that anymore I had no idea on the other side of that yes was do you realize the adventure that is gonna be following Christ I mean it's scary at times and it's not easy but it is an adventure and it's an adventure don't you don't want to miss and here's a crazy thing we've only heard the beginning of this story yeah there's so much more I know our listeners even like well then what happened what happened next and did you ever get to a place of forgiveness mm-hmm because there's a lot of hurt here and I've just got to say we're out of time so this is one of these stories that you're gonna have to just wait and listen to part two next time thanks for being with us Melissa thank you what a powerful compelling reminder today that whatever the circumstances of your life whatever has happened to you that may have even been evil happening to you God is still a God of grace and power and mercy and he can transform a life in fact that's what he does he changes our lives and restores what has been damaged in our lives we've been hearing today from Melissa Oden telling her story of God's Redemption she's written a book called you carried me a daughter's memoir and we've got copies of her book in our family life today Resource Center you can go online at family life today calm to request your copy or call 1-800 FL today again the title of Melissa Oden's book is you carried me a daughter's memoir order it online at family life today calm or call 1-800 3 5 8 6 3 2 9 to request your copy that's 1-800 F as in family L as in life and then the word today now we have had something happen here at family life in the last few days that is very exciting and something we want to let you guys know about we've been telling you about a matching gift fund that was put together for us by some friends of the ministry they have agreed that during the month of December they would match every donation that we received from listeners dollar for dollar up to a total of 1.5 million dollars well in recent days some other friends have come along and said we want to boost that amount we want to see family life today listeners really rally in the last two weeks of the year and so as of today the matching gift fund has reached a total of 2.3 million dollars which means there's even more opportunity for us to expand the reach of family life in the new year but to take advantage of that of course we need to hear from longtime listeners like you if you're a regular family life today listener if God has used the ministry of family life in your life in your marriage and your family this year listening to family life today if that's been a an encouragement or a blessing to you if you've been to one of our events or used our resources or gone online to our website would you consider making as generous a year-end contribution 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bringing what was in the dark out into the light and we'll hear more about that tomorrow hope you can join us for that on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson I'm Bob Lapine we'll see you tomorrow for another edition of family life today family life today is a production of family life a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most