The Power of a Wife’s Affirmation

Every wife has an awesome power.

It's the power of influence. Here's Ann Wilson. Ladies, I want you to know what it's like to be a man. You see, as little boys, here's what happened.

We grow up and we usually have our moms cheering for me, like, good job, David, good job. And so he says, and I played college football, so every Saturday I had a stadium of people that, Dave Wilson is the man. Yes. He said, and then we beat you. And you're saying to us, you are the man and out of all the men in the universe, I choose you. And you're applauding. Yes.

Yes. And he goes, and then we get married. This is Family Life Today. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson.

I'm Bob Lapine. You can find us online at familylifetoday.com. How are you stewarding the awesome power you have as a wife to encourage, to motivate, to build up your husband? We're gonna hear more about that today from Ann Wilson. Stay with us. And welcome to Family Life Today.

Thanks for joining us. Today is equal time day. Equal time? Yeah, equal time.

So we've already heard from you this week about what real manhood is all about. And you're done with me now, aren't you? Done with you. That's enough of you.

I get it. We heard a part of a message from one of our Love Like You Mean It marriage cruises, and we're doing that because this week we are letting our listeners know we are cruising. Yes, baby. That's right, we are. In 2022. The wind will be blowing through my hair on the top deck of that Love Like You Mean It boat.

If you had hair, that would be true. You're wishing it was true. We are so excited about the fact that after having to cancel for a year, we're back and it looks like everything is full speed ahead. All systems go for the cruise in 2022.

We're going, we're going. We have opened registration. People are already booking their staterooms. A lot of people are like, we cannot wait. Can we do it in September instead of Valentine's? And you may think it's not going to sell out because, you know, we're coming out of COVID, but it's going to sell out.

You better get your ticket. Yeah, you can go to familylifetoday.com for more information about the cruise and to find out how you can sign up. Right now, this week, the best price available for the cruise. You can save $400 per couple off your cabin registration.

And that's good this week. So call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY or go online to find out more about the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. We're going to hear today a message that you did with the wives on the cruise back a few years ago, Ann. We heard from your husband with the guys, but you like getting together with the women and talking about what God's design for womanhood is. I love being with women. I think part of it is because we're all struggling with the same thing and we can admit it and we can laugh about it and we can cry about it.

But it is fun. And your goal in this message is to talk about how important and how powerful it is for a wife to be committed to to supporting, affirming, believing in her husband. Right. We're going to talk about attitude, our words, our actions and how to support and respect our men when it's not always easy to do that. I really like this. Well, let's listen in.

Here's Ann Wilson talking to women on board the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise a few years back. Finally, we're together. I have been giddy about us being together. Maybe it's because I have all sons and maybe it's because when my family that I grew up in, I have two brothers and a sister and we all had boys.

So there were 12 boys between us. And so the essence of estrogen is just awesome to me. And honestly, speaking to women is one of my favorite things. And it's not because I feel like I have anything really that great to say, but it's because when we get together as women, there is a sense of I'm not the only one, you know, of going through things. And I feel sometimes like I don't fit the mold of the Christian woman because I'm really not that nice.

I want to be nice, but I'm just not always so nice. And so you're happy about this? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my.

This could be really something today then. Don't feed it. Don't feed that. I'm going to take you through my journey. That's been a difficult journey for me of learning how to love, support and respect Dave.

And I'm going to be very truthful. When I was growing up, my mom was this amazing mother. I didn't grow up in Christian home, but my mom was the probably the greatest servant I've ever witnessed then. And now in my life, she would do for my dad, she would serve my dad and he took advantage of it and took her for granted. And it made me angry. And I felt like, Mom, stop being so nice to him.

You're enabling him to be lazy. As I got older, I was angry with her. And she would say, I like doing this for your dad. But I saw her as a doormat and I didn't respect her for it. And I didn't get it. And then when we came to speak for family life, I was only twenty nine when we came on.

We've been married 10 years. So as 30 year old, I'm getting up here addressing women. And I'll never forget pulling out the notes and the first time studying what I was going to say and figuring out what I was going to say. And in the notes, if you've ever been to a weekend to remember, you'll see that one of the first things that we teach in family life is Genesis. How it says that God has called the woman to be a helper to the man. And so I'm looking at that and I keep looking at the word helper.

And here's what I think. Where's my helper? Why does the husband get a helper? Why don't we get a helper as the women?

If you see you guys, I told you I'm not nice. So, you know, I'm sitting there like. So then I think, you know what, maybe I just have the wrong definition for the helper. And so I look it up in the dictionary and it says a gopher. A person that does the dirty work. Someone important tells them what to do. See?

And so I'm talking to Dave like, honey, I don't think I can speak for family life because I don't like that I don't get a helper. And he's like, oh, my gosh. And like, look it. You need to understand what it means in Hebrew.

The word helper means completer. You help to complete me. And then I'm like, OK. All right.

I get that. So this whole journey, as you can see by that illustration, has not been easy for me. And I seem to be that person that learns the hard way. You know, it's not like some God tells me and I just do it.

I seem to always go the hard avenue. So Dave and I had been married probably about 15 years, 10 to 15 years. And I was asked to speak at our church to the Mops group, the Mothers of Preschoolers. And so I was going, I said, honey, why don't you come with me? That would be fun. Like, we should do it together.

The women would get a guy's perspective because they wanted us to speak on marriage. And he's like, I'll come and do that with you. And if any of you were listening to us the other night, sometimes we totally go off script.

Right. So that happened. And so Dave starts he starts getting into this and he's speaking to all these women.

And he's talking goes, ladies, I want you to know what it's like to be a man. You see, as little boys, here's what happened. We grow up and we usually have our moms. And he grew up in a single.

His mom raised him as a single mom. And my mom was cheering for me. Like, good job, David. Good job. And so I like that. And little boys are always saying, Mom, watch, watch. And your moms are always saying, good. Way to go. Good job.

He said. And then we get older as guys and we go into middle school and high school and elementary school. And we usually start to find what we're good in.

And there's usually someone along the line, a teacher, a coach or something that we're good at that we start hearing other people applaud for us. Yes. Good job. You're the man. Now, I have never heard Dave say any of this before.

I'm like, well, look at this is some new stuff. This is good. So he says, and I played college football. So every Saturday I and he was a quarterback.

I had a stadium of people like Dave Wilson is the man. Yes. Yes. He said. And then we we we are dating and we meet you. And you're saying to us, you are the man. You are the man.

And out of all the men in the universe, I choose you. And you're applauding. Yes.

Yes. And he goes, and then we get married. Now I'm over here in the chair like, where are you going with this now? Because we get married and it feels like we walk in the door of our homes and all we hear is boo.

Boo. He looks at me at this point and I'm like, what? And then he feels really bad. He's like, oh, we haven't really talked about this. I'm clueless, clueless.

And so we kind of get in this fight right there. I'm like, what do you mean I boo? I'm not booing you. It was terrible. Like, so terrible. So we get in the car like, what the heck was that about? Because Dave's not a great communicator on how he feels. So I don't always know. But then he gets on the stage and I'll share these things I've never heard of. So I said, do you feel like I boo you?

And he goes, yeah. I feel like you're continually disappointed. I feel like I do something and you're always critiquing it. And so then I get really defensive and I said, I am helping you.

Because my heart is really truly it's not to harm him. I said, honey, I'm telling you that people are not speaking the truth to you and I will. I am a gift to you. Right? Don't you feel like that? I am your gift.

He's like, all I hear is boo. Which then takes me on this journey of getting in the word. And I come across Proverbs 21 nine and it says it's better to live on a corner of the roof. Then share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

All right. I live in Michigan. So I'm imagining when I read this the middle of winter and I'm imagining Dave on the corner of my roof.

In the snow, shuttering cold. And it's better for him to be out there than in the house with me. Oh, and then I was thinking, too, as I started studying for family life and thinking about what I would say was a speaker. And I remember reading Ephesians five thirty three. Let me tell you, I love Ephesians. It's the most practical book in the Bible. I feel like one of them because the first three chapters is six chapters.

First three chapters are all about doctrine, theology. This is the truth. This is who God is. This is who he says we are. And then the last three chapters are all about practical application of that truth. So here's the truth.

Now, here's how to apply the truth. So Ephesians, we find out what we're called to be as women, what men are called to be as husbands, as parents. And it ends in Chapter six with putting on the armor of God like we can't do it without the armor. So in Ephesians five thirty three, when it talks about you've heard this so much, how the man should love his wife, how the woman should respect her husband.

I put down in here the amplified version because I feel like it's much more direct and descriptive. Like what the heck does it mean to respect our husbands? So it says this. The beginning of it says, however, let each man of you love his wife as his very own self.

And here it is. And let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband. What does that mean? That she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him.

That she defers to him, praises him and loves and admires him exceedingly. We should just stop and pray the rest of the time that God will allow us to do that. And so when I look at that, I think, God, I want to do that. But what does that look like?

First of all, I would say this. We can intentionally choose God's design or we can unintentionally fall into the culture's demise. What is God's design?

That's what we're going to look at. But you do know what culture's design is. Don't you think that our culture tells us it's 50-50? Because I would say that. Like if somebody says, what's God's game plan for marriage?

I think most people not in the church would say it's 50-50. Here's the problem. Here's what I do, even when I know the right way. If Dave isn't doing his part, if he's not giving 50, I think he's not giving 50. He's giving 30. So then I give 30 and he's doing nothing. So why should I do anything? That's what the culture tells us.

It's all about us. And so what is God's game plan? Proverbs 14, 1 says, The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears it down. When I think about that, I think, how am I building my house?

What am I doing right now that I'm building it? I'll never forget Andy Stanley saying this. In one of his marriage series, he said this. Your husband should be able to tell how much God loves him by the way you treat him and love him and admire him. Your husband may have no idea what God is like, but he should be able to know by the way you treat him, the way you respect him, he will have a glimpse of how much God adores him. And I think what we do as women, we're like, can I go work in the children's wing in the church instead of that?

Because that's so much harder, isn't it? He should know how much God loves him by the way we treat them. And let me tell you, in Ephesians, it says this, to submit to one another out of, this is the part, out of, anybody know what the next part is? Reverence. For whom? For God.

Who do we do it for? Why do we love him? Because he deserves it?

No. Because God deserves it. It's our devotion.

It's our way of serving him. So it starts with, first of all, our attitudes. What does respect look like to your man? It demonstrates respect by, first of all, your attitude. Your attitude. Look at Ephesians 4, 22 through 24. You were taught with regard to your former way of life, look at this part, to put off our old self.

Why? Which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires to be made new in the first, what's that word? Attitude of your minds and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

It starts where? Here. And I'm telling you, this is where I feel like the enemy of our soul, Satan, gets us first of all in our attitude.

Do you ever find yourself griping in your head and complaining? I will never forget. I was so mad at Dave. He'd been gone so much. I felt like he wasn't helping. I felt like he wasn't listening to me. And I remember folding the laundry and I remember like folding and the whole time I'm building like this whole scenario.

Like he doesn't do anything and he's lazy and he doesn't notice me. I'm just folding it and folding it. And I felt like God said to me, what would happen if you prayed as much as you complained in your head? Yes. Talk about conviction. I thought that it made me realize how our thoughts. Isn't this true? Because the Bible says that as a man thinks, so is he. As we think about our husbands, it turns into action.

But it starts right here in our minds. I'll never forget hearing this story. I've shared this at Family Life about Dave Rever, who was a Navy SEAL. And Dave was trained in explosives.

Navy SEALs are the best of the best. And he says he was in Vietnam and he was in a riverbank with a phosphorus grenade. A phosphorus grenade.

But when it blows up, it burns. He said it was in his hand and he was in this riverbed. And he pulled the pin and was about to throw it when the grenade, a sniper hit the grenade in his hand.

And so it blew up in his hand. And he fell into the riverbank and he says he recalls watching parts of his face float down the river. And he woke up in an ICU burn unit and he said he remembered my roommate beside me was just covered in burns. And he said I'll never forget the day that his wife came into the room of his roommate.

She took off her wedding band when she looked at her husband burnt, placed it on his chest and left the room. And he said that that man died a few days later. He said probably thinking if my own wife can't love me or accept me, how will the world be able to accept me? And so he says he recalls the day that his wife Annie would come to see him. And he said he was so nervous he could hear her heels clicking down the hallway and his heart was beating. And he said he'll never forget the day that Annie looked at him. She bent over, kissed his one good eye and whispered in his nonexistent ear, I love you, Davey. And he said inside I was like, yes, my wife loves me.

And it fueled him, he said, to want to become a man that God could still use. And I think that we don't realize and we forget the influence and the power that we have as women. I have three sons and people used to tell me that, but now that I have three grown sons who are all married and I watch the influence and power their wives have, they don't even know. And they have so much they can break them with a look, with an attitude that's just like you're an idiot.

They're down like a four year old boy. We don't understand the power that we have. We have so much power to make them great and we have the power to crush them in an instant. It's a heady responsibility that we have and God has given it to us and entrusted it to us. And he has chosen you. He's chosen me to help make my husband the man that he wants.

I don't know if I can do it sometimes and I know I can apart from his spirit. So that attitude, because here's the truth, we sit there and we're appalled that this woman took her ring off and placed it in our husband's chest. But the truth is we reject our husbands. I reject Dave every day.

Not because he's physically fall, but because it's just he's not meeting my needs in another way. Do you do that? I do that. And I'm so, when I read that for the first time, I felt like God was saying, Ann, you reject Dave every day with all of his scars, with all of his flaws. I want you to love the man that he is now. And I have to say, I can't, God, I don't have the power. And he says, I do.

I can do that through you. What does an attitude look like? An attitude of unconditional respect. It says that God commands the wives to respect our husbands without conditions, without him earning it.

He is God's gift to us and comes with a blessing. And it's an attitude of honor. Our culture treats men like they're stupid. And we as women can treat men like they're stupid. When we treat them as they're stupid, they will act like they're stupid. Honestly, I think that this is the truth for me.

I felt many times, this is so embarrassing. I think sometimes I feel like, you know, I'm just smarter than Dave. You know, do you ever feel like, well, I'm just something better.

You know, we're better communicators. And I think we get prideful as women and we treat our husbands like they're not as great as they really are. I read this quote by Stu Weber. He said, A woman can so easily crush a man's spirit with a word, with a look, with a shrug of indifference. Her cynicism is utterly emasculating and many times incredibly subtle. Like a fine thin blade it slipes his deep penetrating to the very core of his masculine soul.

Oh, those are hard words to hear. Also, Dave and I, this is just a terrible illustration. Dave was on the phone. He had made a hotel reservation for some friends coming in. And I was in the other room and I could hear him talking on the phone and I could tell that they lost the reservation.

That they didn't take the reservation. And so Dave is being really nice and he's like, okay, well do you think that there's another room we could get? I am instantly, this is terrible, I am instantly like, oh my gosh, I can handle this. Like, I will get this done. Do you guys ever, any of you like that? So I walk in the room and I'm like, give me the phone. Just give me the phone. Because I'm thinking he's way nicer than I am.

That's so terrible. I know how to get these things done. This is what we do, you know, as women you know how to get things done. So he's like, get out, get out of here. Just give it to me, give it to me. This is the attitude, you know, like I can do these things, I'm better than you, I'm better than you. So he said, get out.

And so finally I'm like, give it to me, give it to me. He gets so mad, he takes the phone, he throws it on the ground and he walks out of the room. He doesn't usually do that and I will tell you, here's the first signs that you know that you've disrespected your man.

It's one of two things, anger or they stonewall. I should have known instantly, I didn't know any of this stuff back then, but I should have known instantly. I so disrespected him and the next thing he walked out of the room and here's what he says. Why don't you just cut it off, Ann? Like that's embarrassing to me. That I would be so prideful. Thinking that I'm so, I can get that done, that I would emasculate him like that.

Who cares, it's a hotel room, Ann. And I have the power to make him great and I have the power to crush him. And I'm embarrassed to tell you that story.

And I apologize to him later because it was so flagrant that I could see it so clearly. And that's what I mean by like, I learn the hard way sometimes. So how are you doing? I want you to grade yourself on a one. One to five. Five being great. One being not so great. How are you doing with your attitude and respecting your husband? Just kind of mentally think, where am I?

Because here's the second one. It's your audio. In other words, what respect looks like to a man, we can cheer him with our words. Our audio is really our words. Ephesians 4, 29 says, do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth.

Listen to this part. But only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. If we could just memorize that and live it, wouldn't we be so good?

Wouldn't we be so much better off? And I love Ephesians 4, 15 because it says, speak the truth in love. Some of us are so great at speaking the truth. I am just a verbal processor. So it's just like, I just vomit it all out.

Some of you are like that, aren't you? Like you're verbally processing so things come out that I wish I could put back in. So I can speak the truth and some of us are so loving that we're so caring and we don't like conflict even that we are only speaking good words. And sometimes we hide some of the things that we feel and we push it down. But both things are necessary. I think we need to speak truth. Our husbands need our opinions and our thoughts and what our ideas are.

But we need to be able to package it in a way that they receive it. I have learned over the years that I cannot just verbally process when my thoughts are going with Dave. I need to take my thought, I need to capture it. It says to take our thoughts captive, right? And I need to take it and pray, God, should I say this today first of all? Will it benefit him?

Will it benefit us? And then if God gives me the okay, my next prayer is then, God, help me to package it in a way that he will be able to hear me and accept what I say. This takes time. So don't you feel like, I don't have time for all that.

You know, I'm busy. But I'm telling you this is so critical because sometimes I need to put a little bow on it for him to accept it. And then, though, it's so worth it because he hears me. He hears my love and I have to couch it in respect because I do respect him.

I think it's so important. So words, what kind of words? Praising them, words that say I'm proud of you, I believe in you. I asked Dave, give me your top three words that you long to hear, like top three sentences. I would challenge you to ask your husbands, what are the things that make you feel respected that when I say them. Dave said when you say I believe in you, when you say I need you, and when you say I want you.

Those are the three that he needs and your husband's probably different. Our husbands, I remember this too, like just words, how hard is it? I was in bed reading one night. Dave walks out of the shower, he's naked, he walks across the room and he just, you know, I'm reading a book and I don't look up when he walks across the room naked. You know, like I'm just reading. So he gets in bed, he puts his stuff on, he's like, wow, you don't even lift your head or care.

And he was kind of like, I could tell that he was a little hurt. And I thought, if that makes him feel respect, then why can't I do that? So the next time he gets out of the shower, he has his towel around his waist, and I lift my head from the book and I look at him and I just go, mmm, mmm, mmm.

Emerson Egridge, you know what he says? He says, when a man feels respect, it's like an air hose, it's like oxygen. It brings him life. I remember one time we were eating and I had just read this stuff, like I'm trying to be the student, and I remember we sat down to eat and we were going to pray and I said, hey, guys, boys, before we eat, I want to just say, Dave, thank you for being the provider in our family.

Thank you for supplying all this food on our table and for our house. And the boys are like, Mom, what are you doing? I'm like, no, you guys need to know, like your dad is amazing. Dave's like, I could see the book on the hutch, love and respect. I saw it.

I knew she was only doing what they told her to do and I didn't even care. He said, it felt so good. He's like, I am the man.

That's right. How hard is that just to verbally affirm that he's the man? Thank you. I'm proud of you.

I believe in you. Those are things a husband wants to become the man we see him becoming. What is the picture that you're painting for him to become? I never forget this, too, because this works with our sons. I remember my 18-year-old youngest son walked into our bedroom one night and I said, Cody, I'm so proud of you. Like, I look at you and I can see these gifts that God's given you. I can't wait to see how he uses you. You are a powerful leader and an influencer.

You're so gifted. He's like, whatever, Mom, thanks, and he walked out. Five minutes later, he walks back in my room as an 18-year-old. He's crying. I said, what's happening? He's like, I'm not that great. I'm not this guy that you think I am. I said, why?

What do you mean? He knew this. He'd been running with this crowd at school. He's a big football player, and he's trying to be cool, and I could see him going that way.

I'd been praying. He's like, Mom, I want to be the guy you think I am. And isn't that true for our husbands? They want to be that guy.

The more we paint the picture of who we see God has made them to be, the more they want to live up to who we think they are, because every man inwardly feels so insecure, and they need us to be cheering for them with our words. And then finally this. Oh, and let me add this with the words. Words of silence. Can we just be quiet sometimes? You know the number one complaint of men?

My wife nags too much and talks too much. I don't know if you guys read the book Love and Respect, but in it, Emerson says that he did this study with second grade, sixth grade, tenth grade, and 25-year-olds. Each age group, he took two boys and then two girls of each of those age groups, and he put them in a room with two chairs. So he put the two second graders in the room, the two sixth graders. Every single time the two went into the room of boys, the boys, the chairs were sitting there. Well, the girls first. Every time the girls walked in, no matter what age group, the girls turned the chairs to face one another, and they talked verbally and expressed communication, and they bonded through communication. Every single time the boys walked into the room and the 25-year-olds, they left the chairs facing forward and sat in the chairs, sitting shoulder to shoulder. And they still talked, but what they found in these studies was that men bond through doing things together.

Interesting, isn't it? So, in other words, they don't bond through communication. They bond through shoulder to shoulder things that they do together, which takes me then to the last point. Our men long for a cheerleader, and they long for respect through our actions, your actions. Ephesians 4, 32 says, Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.

So how are you doing with your actions and showing your respect? Because with Willard Harley, he was saying this totally makes sense. Men bond through golfing, don't they, or hunting. How much talking goes on during some of these things?

None. Like, doesn't your husband golf and you say, Hey, how's John doing? I don't know. Like, you were with him for four hours. I know. I said, So what did you talk about? We said, Nice shot. You know, what's your handicap?

I said, I would know the name of my friend's mother's grandmother's maiden name, you know, because women, we verbally communicate. The point is this. Sometimes we just need to keep, just do fun things with our husbands. One of their top needs is a recreational companion. When was the last time you guys just laughed?

That's why the cruise is so fun, isn't it? That we get lazy and we're so driven by our demands of life, we stop laughing and having fun together. Because Dave will say this, Ann, come in here and watch this football game with me. Now, I'm thinking, I say this, are we going to talk? No, we're not going to talk.

It would wreck it, and I'm thinking, I say, well, then it's a waste of time. But, shoulder to shoulder, what's happening? We're somehow bonding. Where I'm thinking, I wish I could go and sit and watch TV. I've got so much stuff to do.

I wish, why aren't you doing emptying the dishwasher and getting things ready for tomorrow? You know, our attitude in our head, we start making our case. Why not just go in and have fun and laugh? Do fun things together.

I am not good at this because I'm a task-oriented person, so for me to sit down and have fun, and I would say this too, sex. Here's one of the things I've realized for Dave, that makes him feel respect. That's an action that shows him, I want you. And I'm going to tell you, most of the things on here I do is an act of my will. I'm not feeling, I love you so much and I just think you're, some of it I do out of obedience to God. And I'm saying sometimes that's what we need to realize.

It's not this fairytale that everything's, it's not. We do it out of obedience and love for Jesus and then hopefully our feelings will follow. And so I try to, this sexual area, I try to surprise Dave with crazy things. Things that will just catch him out guard and I feel like we as women, we get so resentful that we don't make this area a priority.

And it helps me to get my mind on things. I was teaching this Bible study with the Lion's Wives and this woman had been married, she was celebrating her one year anniversary and I said, what are you doing for the anniversary? She's like, oh my gosh, Carl's taking me to this restaurant downtown Detroit, he rented a limo, it's going to be amazing. And I said, but what are you doing for him? She goes, I'm going to go.

I said, no. You need to buy something, like come on, let's go shopping. And I said, just buy something that you feel comfortable in, that you feel beautiful in, that fits your taste. And so she bought something and she wore it underneath and she called me the next morning, she's like, oh my gosh, Ann. My husband was shocked, first of all, because I never do anything like that. And he never went to Bible study, he was not a believer. And he said, what in the world has happened to you?

Where did you get this idea? I know this didn't come from you. And he goes, she says, it was from our Bible study. And he goes, I don't want you to ever miss one of those Bible studies again. The next week, Carl was sitting on our couch at the Bible study, gave his life to Christ, they became missionaries.

I know. We are such influencers. You know, like the things, we get so resentful and Satan gets a foothold in our thoughts, he gets a foothold in our attitudes, in our words, in our actions. And what if we surrendered those to Jesus? What if we gave them to him?

What would that look like? When Dave and I, I was asked to speak to all the chaplains, the wives in the NFL. And so they asked me to go down to Cincinnati and I was so excited about it because I was going to get to speak on marriage. And I picked up this book, this is years ago, by Larry Crabbe called Men and Women Enjoying the Differences. And in it, Larry's talking about how we think that our men are going to meet our needs and they were never meant to meet our needs. Only God can meet our needs. We put all our hope and expectations in our husbands when they're never supposed to be that.

God is supposed to be that. I'm underlining this book like, yes, yes, this is so good. In the meantime, I'm driving this, it's that same Honda, this Honda where the headlight's out. And my trip is in a month, I say, Dave, that headlight's out in the light, in the car. Could you get that fixed before my trip? Because he's a tightwad and I know he will not want to pay somebody to do it. So he wants to do it himself. He's like, absolutely, I'll get that done before your trip. Every week I'm saying to Dave, did you fix the headlight yet? No, I will though.

It's the day before. Honey? I'm trying to be respectful. Did you fix the headlight? Oh, Ann, you know what? Tomorrow I know you leave, I have a meeting in the morning, on the way home I'll fix the headlight and then you're good to go. I'm like, all right, but don't forget.

I'm not going to forget. Sure enough, he pulls in the driveway, he's a little bit late, I throw my suitcase in, I give him a kiss, I get in the car, I'm like, and you fix the headlight? Oh, Ann. I look at him like, are you kidding me?

The attitude, like my total attitude. He's like, I said, you've had a month to fix the headlight. He's like, oh, I'm going to do it right now. And he goes, boys, get in the van. So the boys come out, he's throwing them in our minivan. He says, go to Kmart, like I'll follow you.

I say, you've had one month, I'm not going to follow you to Kmart. He's like, get in. He's throwing my youngest son in the car without his car seat.

Like there's no car seat, he's just throwing him in the car. Get in the car. I am so mad right now because it feels like everything else is always a priority and not me. So I'm driving, I can't even tell you how angry I am.

He's right behind me now. And I am so mad and I start in my head. I start thinking of all the things I did. Like I made all of those meals for him. I made all of them and I put the little recipe and when to put it in and the heat and all that stuff. I stuck that in there.

I stuck that thought in there. I even put scripture notes around the house. What did he do for me? Nothing. I am such a good wife.

Does he ever think of me? No. I am the last priority. Everything comes first. The church, everybody else, everybody's needs comes first.

I am the last thing. He doesn't care. He doesn't love me.

He doesn't live the Bible. And I'm driving and all this is just like, ugh. It's just like storing it down, you know? Like all my hurt, my rage, I'm driving and it feels good. It feels good because I'm so right.

Have you ever done this? It's like I look better too. I needed some of that. So I'm driving and I'm like, God. I mean, I don't want anything to do with God. I feel like God says, what are you doing? Oh, and when you know God's speaking to you and you don't want to hear it, I turn up my radio. Loud. Like really loud. Like, uh-uh.

I'm going to sit in this for a while because it feels so good to sit in it. So I'm driving and I feel like the Holy Spirit says, what about all those things you read? Uh-uh. That doesn't count, God.

Like this is counting right now. He had a month. And I felt like God was saying, take it out and give it to me. I didn't want to do it. Sometimes our hurts, we almost hold on to them as a barrier to our heart. And so I felt like God was saying, let me have all of it. And I told God, I was raging. Like God, I feel like He doesn't see me. He doesn't care about me. He doesn't love me.

I'm not a priority. And I vented all of it to God. And I think we need to vent all of it to God, don't we? And women, we need good sisters and friends that we can vent to who are safe, who will not gossip, who will hear you, who will pray for you, who will love you and encourage you and speak truth to you.

We need that, don't we? We need God's Word. Had I not been in God's Word, I would not even heard the Holy Spirit. We have to be in God's Word so He can speak to us, that He can encourage us, He can love us. We need to be with people and places where God's Word, I have in there, like God's Spirit, to listen to the Spirit and obey that we don't quench His Spirit. I cannot live without my friends. I cannot live without God's Word. I cannot live without my relationship with God because I am so flawed. But He can equip us to be the women that He needs us to be.

He can give us the power to respect our husband the way that he wants to. And we pull into Kmart and Dave's running in, and I'm still like giving it, giving it, giving it. Like, Lord, I give it to You. You know my heart. I know that You love me and I surrender it to You. I surrender Dave to You again.

Help me to be the wife that I need to be because I want to hurt him. All of that with ammunition. It was ammunition for later. Because we use our words as weapons, don't we?

And we can slice them and dice them. And if I didn't get rid of it, I would hurt him bad. And I don't want to.

I want him to be the man that God created him to be. So he gets done, he comes to the window, he's like, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

And he's waiting, like he's just waiting for the roar. I said, honey, I'm okay. I said, I still need to talk about it later because I need to tell him it's not about the headlight, is it?

It has nothing to do with the headlight. It has to do with feeling like I matter to you, that I'm important and I have time in your life. And it was one of those gifts that I gave to Dave that I don't always give, but it was a gift that I gave him of my unconditional respect and love. And it's funny, I think about my parents, how I said that my mom was a doormat. My parents have been married 65 years in April.

I know. They have become believers. And for the last nine years, my mom has been struggling with Alzheimer's. And one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen in my life is watching my dad, who I felt like was so self-centered, who took her for granted, but my mom just loved him and served him and believed in him and cheered for him. And to watch him, he does everything for her.

She only recognizes two people, my dad and me. He puts lotion on her arms. He cooks all of her food. He does all the laundry. He cleans the house, the things that I've never in my life seen him do. And I told him, Dad, I respect you so much.

He's like, how could I not? He said, she's my partner. She's my girl. And she's loved me so well her whole life. How could I not do the same for her because she's made me who I am? And the parts when I looked at her I thought were so weak. My dad told me she'd come and she'd always speak her mind in the bedroom with respect just because she wasn't ranting and reeling as I was doing in the other room.

I want to be that. And it starts with our surrender to Jesus. Can I tell you how much he loves you, how he knows you, how he sees you, how he longs to walk with you and comfort you, how he longs to encourage you and use you, all of your gifts, all of your wonderful traits, he sees it. Let him be your best friend. Let him be your redeemer and your savior. Let him change us. We can make a world of difference because our greatest witnessing tool of the future will be your marriage. We as women are powerful.

Let us surrender to the king who can give us the strength and power we need to become the women he wants us to be. Well, we have been listening to Ann Wilson addressing a room full, a ballroom full of women. You were fired up. I was a little excited, wasn't I? But there is something about wanting to challenge and encourage and just motivate these women to be God's women, right? Yeah, I'm pretty passionate about it.

And yeah, and sometimes I get pretty amped about it too. That's awesome. I don't know what you said, but I'm ready to go.

Let's go take the world. And by the way, you know, I have a little secret I know about what happened that day. Yes. I think this is true.

I have no idea what you're going to say. Well, I have to find out because the man who I heard this from is sitting beside me. But I heard one Bob Lapine wanted to hear Ann Wilson speak, so he snuck in the room and laid down on the floor, or somehow you listened to her message.

Isn't that true? I was backstage while you were doing this whole message. I was on the side because I wanted to hear you speak to the women. And I remember walking out and said every woman, not just on the boat, every woman listening to Family Life Today needs to hear that. I should mention, all of our past programs, everything we've got is free, downloadable.

Anything, you want to go search for a subject or whatever, that's all there and it's there for you for free. And while you're on the website, look for information about the Love Like You Mean It cruise that's happening next February. We're all pretty excited about getting back on the boat and being able to be out. And right now is the best time for a Family Life Today listener to reserve a stateroom for the 2022 Family Life Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. We have a special offer we make during March. It expires on March 22nd, so this is the season for you to call in or go online and reserve your stateroom.

You'll save some money. In fact, it's the best offer we make on staterooms throughout the year. So if you want to take advantage of the best offer, go to familylifetoday.com or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, I want to know more about the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. We may be interested. I want to reserve a room.

What happens if COVID comes back? I mean, we can answer all of that stuff, right? All you have to do is go to familylifetoday.com and say I'm interested and reserve a room and start making plans for a week at sea on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. I just have a sense that next year's cruise is going to be extra special with a lot of people who are so glad to be with us for that week. So again, go to familylifetoday.com for more information or call us at 1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-F as in Family, L as in Life, and then the word TODAY.

Again, take advantage of the special pricing that's available now until March 22nd. Now tomorrow we're going to hear from our friend Gary Thomas who wrote the book Sacred Marriage. He's written a lot on marriage and on relationships. He joined us a while back on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise and gave a wonderful message on how we can proactively bless our spouse in marriage. And we'll hear from Gary tomorrow. Hope you can tune in for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, got some extra help from Bruce Goff, and of course our entire broadcast production team was involved in all of this. On behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Bob Lapine. We'll see you back next time for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a production of Family Life of Little Rock, Arkansas, a crew ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.