This episode is supported in part by the Christian Standard Bible, a translation designed to be faithful to the original text and clear for everyday readers. We're grateful for their partnership in helping bring gospel-centered content to families like yours. To learn more about the CSB, visit csbible.com. We have to get in the discipline of structuring our lives in a way that we have margin enough to respond to those moments and those opportunities. And I think that is the biggest challenge.
you know you go to the self-checkout lane well that could be faster But if I go through the regular checkout lane, I have someone that I'm going to be engaging with. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson. And I'm Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifetoday.com. This is Family Life Today.
Hey, this is Dave and Ann. We're not with you today, but we're with you in heart as Dave's recovering. Yeah, it's going well, just because I know you're just what you want to know how the knees are doing. I'm going up and downstairs. I'm sleeping in my own bed.
I'm even driving. Already. But who cares about us? Today is Cheryl Schumacher having Tanya and Trevor Kravik back on to talk about Marriage On Mission. And this is a topic you don't want to miss, and you want to share it with others.
So enjoy.
So let's talk a little bit about your kids being involved, which I absolutely love. I know a man, he has 14 children. They are all now adults. Many of them are married, and he has a ton of grandchildren as well. But he and his wife have a ministry that they started just because they just love God.
So they would just go out and evangelize all over the country: Mardi Gras, Indy 500, you know, wherever there was a crowd, we're going to take the gospel. And then they went from that to disaster relief. And their children are in the middle. All of them are in ministry. They're in the mission field.
They are in churches. They are worship leaders. Because from the beginning, they had a vision for their family that our family would serve the Lord. Not just me, not just my wife, but all of us together, we will serve the Lord and they will know the Lord for themselves and have a passion for the lost for making disciples who make disciples as well.
So talk to me a little bit about like your children being involved. Was that intentional from the beginning? Or, okay, in what way? Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure.
Okay. We really. A desire always first of all to serve. We both love people. Even before our children came into the picture, we wanted to be able to encourage people, whatever that looked like, if it was serving them or words of affirmation or whatever, however, we could love.
And so when our kids. When the Lord started to provide all these children, we were like, We are just bringing them along for whatever is going on. But then pretty soon you start to see where they thrive and how they love to serve. And so creating spaces where they could actually be. serving in those environments so that it was enjoyable and they could Really see how God was at work.
For example, one of the things we did when they were little, and we were serving with a weekend to remember. Is we would tell them that when we came home, they were part of serving this weekend by having good behavior for their caretakers. And that was important because it allowed us to be there. And then we would sit down with them and we would read comments from the weekend. And when you saw that this woman learned how to love her husband well.
Tirza, you were part of that because this weekend you prayed. Shila, you were part of that because you prayed. Tanner, you were part of that. Sebastian, you were part of that. It's significant.
Your contribution of behavior this weekend is significant because these couples got to hear. God's plan for their marriage because you did your part, and our part was to be there. And so I think really their involvement started way back then when they were really little, and we could tell them. This was what God invited you to do. But then, as they were able, I mean, Tanner, our youngest, he was four, standing on a milk crate behind the serving line, giving people their asparagus on their plates.
He was learning how to handle rejection because, you know, if you're the one who's like, nobody wants to be asparagus, no one wants asparagus, right?
So he gets to learn how to handle rejection at a young age. Yeah, that's funny. And then we would do dishes. We'd wash the dishes afterwards. And it was interesting, we were asking them about memories.
Like, what are the memories that stand out to you as we? Moved across the stream. Growing up. Formative. And one of our kids said, You know, I remember that you used to make us pick up 10 pieces of garbage across the camp before we could go to the beach and swim.
And I had completely forgotten about that. But she said, That taught me how important it is to be part of making an environment where people feel comfortable. And I thought, wow, that is such a neat. Way to respond to that question. Like, I didn't realize that that was significant to our kids.
You know, so much of what children get and grow into into adulthood is caught rather than taught. But we have to put them in the environment where they can catch it. And it sounds like that you all made a very intentional decision. What about the parent who, okay, I didn't do this when they were four or five or six. And now I have teenagers.
I would love to invite them into the spaces where their dad and I minister. What can I do now to invite them into that space? I would say the first thing you need to do is surround yourself with people who pray and ask them for prayer support as you seek to have this conversation or create these opportunities. And then pray yourselves. There's so much power in that.
And I don't say it flippantly. Like we really need to spend time with the Lord and in His Word to discover these opportunities.
So know the right time. The right time is not when they're sleeping until noon and you got to argue with them to get them up to walk out the door or to do their chores. Like create sweet moments. Lord, provide to us an opportunity to have these conversations. And sometimes you have to create.
By creating an adventure or an activity that they would enjoy, but create a space where that. Would be positioned in the best possible light and have a discussion with them because it's much like. when we engage people about their burden area. Sure. Just because they're children in our house doesn't mean the Lord hasn't already created the good works in advance that they should walk in.
That's right. And so discovery and curiosity and leaning into that and not forming a role that they should fill, but discovering what opportunity would best serve them and their skill set.
Well, you know, we talk a lot about the importance of like studying our spouse, continuing to get to know our spouse. I think that holds true with our kids. Are we taking the time to study them at each stage of their development? to see who they really are. What really gets them excited?
What really drains them? What brings them joy? What are the unique skills that God has given them? And cheering those on. Even when they're not the one that was ours.
Like, you know, we hear the stories about the parent who played basketball. And they force their kids to play basketball because they want them to be the basketball star that they once were, that they didn't quite get to. And I think how different could that look if we looked at our child who loves hockey And we Admonish that we encourage that we cheered them on in their love for that sport and created opportunities to enter into their world. And so learning who our kids really are and then creating opportunities within. You're saying like, how do we have them join us?
Well, there's always a space for them to join what we're already doing. But if we're creative and we're prayerful God will show us where they can join us as we join the Lord. Where they're going to feel valued and excited, and like their investment really does matter for the kingdom of God. Tanya, what is one thing, one area of growth that you have seen in Trevor that you want to celebrate? As of watching him through this missional lifestyle.
There's so much. I mean, I have watched him completely transform who he was. Oh. When we were dating Seriously dating, there was a moment Where we were having conversation about emotion and I was asking him, like, how do you feel about something maybe or something that would have required an emotional response? Mm-hmm.
And he didn't have words and he couldn't communicate emotion. And I remember saying, If this isn't an area that you can grow in. I don't know that we can Pursue marriage. I need to be married to someone who's able to. Communicate with me about how they feel and what they think about things.
That was a really defining moment because he Uh sad, like I'm willing to learn. And 25 years later, I'm married to someone who um I have a chronic illness when I was very, very ill. Came and sat with me. And was empathetic and asked thoughtful questions and genuinely cared for me and demonstrated. Emotional capacity that he didn't have.
You know, 20 years earlier. And so just seeing his willingness to be a student, not just of me, but of how to grow to be someone who's. emotionally healthy to connect with others emotionally. I think that's probably one of the biggest ways that I've seen. And it required great intentionality.
It's not something. that was demonstrated and his family of origin, it's not something that he knew. Or even was interested in, honestly. Yeah. Until that conversation, and he put a stake in the ground that day and said, I'm gonna learn.
And he has wonderful. Yeah. And Trevor, what about you? What would you like to celebrate today about Tanya? Yeah, that's an easy, easy one.
Um, about seven years ago, she started A journey. of gratitude. And Every day, taken hold of the things to be thankful for. And it came from a place of. Not being grateful.
But she asked the Lord, like, what it how do I turn this around? How do I change my spirit from a critical spirit to being one that is thankful and grateful? And so she started recording every day and she does it on social media. But it's a grateful post. And every single day there's something that we can be grateful for.
And so as I've seen her grow in this area, it's just really shown me like the influence A posture of gratefulness and thankfulness can have to people who are struggling, who are going through this life feeling depressed or down. And she's authentic with it. And so I just really appreciate that she's learned this skill. and it it's not easy. Um and it takes time, but she's doing a great job at that and I'm celebrating that about her today.
Hey, Dave Wilson here to talk about the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise that you got to be on with Ann and I. It's epic, it's life-changing, it's marriage-changing, and it's a lot of fun in the sun. It's on a boat, and we work on marriages.
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Promo code FamilyLife. We will see you on the boat. You know, you all have made some. amazing moves in in your desire to surrender to God. And there are a lot of couples I know who feel like that is way out of my league.
I just can't do that. if I'm going to be on mission, but I am not called to give up my entire lifestyle or upend my entire lifestyle, what are some just some very Day-to-day things that I can do. Like, I think of the, I used to work with an organization in Michigan. It was a medical clinic, it is still a medical clinic. And it provides free medical care to un and underinsured individuals.
I was on their board and also volunteered with them. And there it's a pantry and dental service and just so many it's a wraparound service. And it was started by a a doctor and his wife who just saw a need. And they out of the Back out of the trunk of his car, he just started driving around and providing medical care to people in this community that he knew that people were not, they didn't have insurance in this community. If I I have a gift, a talent, a skill, but I just, God is not calling me to move to a town with 250 people or even to come work for family life.
What can I do in the day-to-day? There's so many stories that are running through my head right now as I think about the people who serve in the team of family life in Wisconsin. I had the same thought. And I mean, even the reference to like pulling up to a community and opening your trunk. Like we have friends, Joe and Abby, who started feeding their friends without homes by providing soup to them at the library parking lot in their community.
And that wasn't because they had resources. It's because the Lord gave them a burden. And it was simple and yet very effective. And that has grown into something more than they could have ever thought it could be. Paul David Tripp says we live in a hurry sick world.
Yes, we do. Yeah. And I love that statement. It's very true. And so I think.
What is the natural place? for you to see a need and say, I can do that. Mm-hmm. we're busy. But where are the places that you already go?
That you're already walking, that you're already driving. where you know that there's a need. That you have the capacity to meet. that you're going to be excited. To get to meet.
But we have to get in the discipline of structuring our lives in a way that we have margin enough to respond to those moments and those opportunities. And I think that is the biggest challenge. You know, you go to the self-checkout lane, well, that could be faster. But if I go through the regular checkout lane, I have someone that I'm going to be engaging with. And one of our favorite questions when we're going through the checkout lane that sometimes results in spiritual conversations is: you know, what is the greatest marriage?
If we notice a wedding band, we'll say, Are you married? Yeah, what is the greatest bit of marital advice you've ever received or given to somebody else? And we hear some of the most amazing responses to that question, but it allows for us to have a heart connection with that individual.
Now, they're in our community, and we go to the grocery store. We had six mouths to feed in our home. We go pretty often, and so we would see them, and we would deliberately, once we started engaging in that conversation, start looking and being like, Oh, is so-and-so working? today and try to get into their lane and continue that conversation because, well, they're paid to do it. Right.
But it was just a way that we could bless them with our time, unhurriedness. And if we just go back to the team really quick, I'll just just help me think through a few of the ways that some of our teammates are living missionally. They're caring for patients in hospice. Yeah, getting trained on a program that does crisis mentorship and opening your home for 16 weeks to invest in another couple. And that can happen once or twice a year.
They're walking with foster care families. They're offering parenting, working with single parents. They're doing blended family ministry, leading a small group once a year in your home. Once a year, six weeks. Yeah.
It's one hour. Not only are you going to help encourage others, but you're going to grow so much. And that's such a simple thing. We have one dear couple that built a blessing box, they call it. And you've seen those little miniature libraries on the corners in towns where they can come take a book and drop a book off.
They put a series of different books in there to bless people, but also have a slot on the side for prayer requests. And so just a simple way to engage their community. And that's inactive. Like they built the box. They set it out there.
They go retrieve the prayer requests and pray for them. But just a way that they can engage their community. And be missional. I hear intention. I hear look for the need.
I also hear listen to the Lord, be prayerful, and ask the Lord, where's my burden? What is the burden that you have placed in my heart?
So, Trevor, you mentioned margin, and that is so huge in our hurry up and get it done world and do more hustle mentality that we have. What does it look like to build margin in our lives? Maybe I don't have an extra five minutes to wait in the checkout line. What can I be doing proactively so that I can build margin? Yeah, I think through my life, I've had several people speak wisdom to me.
And one of the things that we heard was, you know, there's things that you're going to have to say no to. In order to say the best yes that you can possibly bring. And I think that sort of sticks as a mantra with us: is like, okay, there's these opportunities, or there's even a daily choice that I can say, okay, I'm not gonna do that because I prefer, like, I'm gonna prefer to do this other thing, or I don't wanna feel so rushed. And so not having as many activities, not Signing our kids up, and I don't want to make anyone feel bad for doing this, but not signing our kids up for three different activities that meet on three of the five days of the week, and then they've got their games on the other parts of the week, and turning yourself into Uber parents where you're just driving from here to there to there. There's opportunities in that moment, too, in those moments, too.
But choosing, like, hey, kids, if we're going to do something, we have families that we know, it's like we're a basketball family. Everyone does basketball. But it creates a space where we're not running to all these different places.
So, just slowing things down and taking a look around and being aware of what's happening around you and what are like specific strategic choices that we can make to set our phones down. Another thing our kids reflected on about their upbringing that was valuable to them. Was we tried to have family meals and sitting around a table and just slowing down and being intentional to speak about what God was doing in our lives, a high-low kind of reflection that Tanya would often bring to our discussions of like, what was the best part of your day? What was the most difficult part of your day? And just connecting on those levels.
I mean, for creating a meal and sitting down at a table, you gotta create space. Right. And so saying no to something so that you can say yes to the best. Mm-hmm. It's okay to schedule in that this is an empty space of my calendar.
And we don't have to feel bad about that. That's good. Yeah. Leave room. That's very good.
So if you can encourage a couple. Trying to faithfully follow God. What would you want them to hear? One thing each. What w what would you want them to hear?
Surrendering to the Lord is not giving up. It's allowing yourself to be invited into Mm-hmm. The most amazing opportunities that you could ever experience. For things that will outlast you. The investment we make in kingdom work is.
An investment that will outlive us and it is really the only thing that will be sustained beyond us because we're promised that all the things, all the stuff, all the events, all the activities, all the scheduling, that's all going to go away. But if we deposit our seeds of faith into others, whether that be our four walls or the community around us, those are things that will flourish and grow and produce fruit. Far beyond us. Good. What about you, Tanya?
We say to our team often, live in such a way that you are available. Yeah. and obedient, and when you do, You get a front row seat to the greatest show you've ever seen. I love that. Thank you so very much.
Trevor, would you close us out by praying for The couple who is struggling to live missionally, although they really want to, and especially for the spouse who desires it, but has a spouse that may be a little bit more resistant. Dear Heavenly Father, Son, Holy Spirit, we acknowledge that you have done a mighty work in our lives and called us into your family for your purpose. Lord, I lift up Couples now that are maybe just hearing of what you've done in our lives and considering maybe taking a step of faith in pursuing the work that you've placed in front of them. And Lord, you don't call us to lose our individuality when you call us into your kingdom work. And so I just pray as they recognize that you might be working in the Holy Spirit to call them intentionally into a space to be patient and curious of one another.
As you speak to them each individually and have equipped them each individually. Lord, for the spouse who is like. Man, she's doing it again. She's racing off ahead of me. Lord, would you just give them humility and an attitude of just curiosity as they learn more about why you place that very good thing in the heart of their spouse?
Lord, would you equip them for the very thing you're calling them towards? And would you allow them to foster an environment in their households that would be great commission-minded that Matthew 28 verse referenced earlier, that we would go make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in your name. Lord, thank you for this time and thank you for the couples and Lord for your victory that is already won that we could be a part of. In Jesus' name. Amen.
Okay, do you feel like um We're sitting here as you're recovering from your knee surgery. Do you feel like We're on mission. Yeah, I mean, it's a little different. I'm not running around and doing all the ministry stuff we normally do, but when I go to rehab every day, I walk in a room with all these people suffering from different Surgery is basically like me, and I feel like I'm a light. I mean, it's.
It's what the mission's about. I'm not just walking in there as another patient. I'm walking in there as the light of Jesus to love people, see people. They're in pain. I'm in pain.
And God wants to use me. And that's what, you know, Cheryl was talking about today. It's like we are always on mission. If we open our eyes and look around us, God wants to use us to bring the gospel and to bring his love to others. And if you're looking for a resource that would just help remind you of that, we have one at Family Life, and it's called Your Marriage Has a Mission.
And that's just a Family Life couple study that you could go through. You can get it at familylifetoday.com. Just click the link in the show notes. Family Life Today is a donor-supported production of Family Life, a crew ministry celebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most. Yeah.
